My parents have these

environmental storytelling.

he gaggy on my rogers until I whoopsy-doo

Me, fighting a yoga mom in the organic food market circa 2023: take your hand off that peach or I’ll vaccinate your children against polio

fascinating post I made in 2018

doctors will be like. yeah. there’s something so so so so wrong with you. idk what and I don’t really care

I have just learned that Mountain Goats are NOT, in fact, actual Goats.

but you know what IS a goat? a musk ox

WHAT

so apparently the “bad vibes” I’ve been feeling are actually “severe psychological distress”

This is why I always recommend having an emergency cheese. Mine is parmesan.

wonder woman out here still saving lives

he’s just meandering in all the footage, not knocking over trash cans or doing anything, just walking for his health I guess

Today I Am Playing Death Stranding

Today I Am Turning Off Death Stranding Because It Is Too Scary

Today I Am Playing Kirby & The Amazing Mirror

my blood looks more beautiful than yours it's a more luscious red

edward cullens not gon a fuck you babe

you've picked the right target you're just a decade late this would've ruined me at sixteen

One thing that pisses me off is people seeing fish in aquariums (the establishments, not home aquariums) and being like “It’s so sad because the ocean is so big and the tank is so small and they’ll never know freedom blah blah blah-“ I’m not talking about sharks and marine mammals here but the majority of fish are not at all bothered by being in an aquarium instead of the open ocean. Like, I personally would love to be a little clown fish in one of those big reef tanks. Fed regularly. Whole team of people monitoring my health and well-being. No predators. Medicated if I show signs of illness. Aquarium fish have cushy gigs in comparison to their wild companions.

I saw someone say this about a blue lobster that was wild caught and brought to an aquarium. Like dude. It’s a lobster. They’re solitary sedentary creatures. They live in little crevices and they don’t move from them often. They abhor other creatures. Also, this lobster is distinctly bad at being a lobster because it is bright neon blue. I don’t think he’s yearning for the open sea. He’s probably yearning for his next mussel. Which is, coincidentally, the same thing he’d be doing if he wasn’t in an aquarium.