sudden light

[pm] It would not make me happy if I was lactose intolerant. I’m not, but I could have been. Then I would have been very sad. 

Have I received a striped egg? Probably. My family celebrates Easter. I’m not going to claim it was a gift though. Why can’t you eat pudding? Are you lactose intolerant? I suppose that makes me quip earlier a bit insensitive. Anyways, try steak and kidney pudding.

Do not duh me as if this was obvious. Nothing about that sentence makes sense. Crayons cannot be and cannot have babies. I can’t believe I’m even entertaining this obviously preposterous question.

[pm] YOU HAVE LACK TOES IN TOLERANCE LACTOSE INTOLERANCE, TOO? Omigosh, me too! But I ignore it. It makes my stomach hurt a LOT but it’s totally fine! 

Easter? What’s easter? WAIT, is that the bunny holiday? The one with the chocolates? Man, my aunt doesn’t let me celebrate that! She says the candies were only for my cousins -_- It’s very rude if I’m being honest. 

Steak and kidney pudding? What kind of kidneys?

Well, now I know! You helped me when you said you didn’t want to, so I totes am happy about that. Can I ask you any other body questions I have?

[pm] YEET THAT COOKIE. JUST YEET IT. I mean, Nell may be able to figure out if something’s up with it, but ugh. Let it live in your mailbox? Oh what the fuck. Yep, like the little soccer balls. 

Officer Langloo? Do you mean Kaden? Grumpy French guy? It is very easy to find people on line. Nell hasn’t had great experiences with mimes either. No one has now that I think of it. 

IT SAYS NOT TO MOVE IT OTHERWISE BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN. It said that I should give it to the egg, but I gave the egg to Nell! What do I do????

That’s really not a healthy diet, Jamboree. Are you allergic to carrots? Have an…eggplant then.

Your aunt and I aren’t on speaking terms anymore. So you’re safe, my child.

Yes. Did you get your allowance? 

<:[ I’m not allergic to carrots, I don’t think! Eggplants???? What do you know about eggs? Do they grow on plants? Is that where this one came from....

Why not? What did she do? Did you do something? She hasn’t said anything about you, I don’t think we’re actually related, but I’ll let you act like my dad if you want to be a parent that bad! 

[pm] Why were you hiding sweets in your mailbox?? There’s better places to hide those :/ Not to move the cookie? Burn it. You don’t have to move it to burn it. :/

No she DOESN’T WANT TO BE A ZEBRA. And she also doesn’t wanna be a MIME. No one does, cause mimes are the WORST. Are you like…okay ??  Were you dropped on your head or

GOOD. They deserve only death.

Two years isn’t that long. I was born here! Where did you live before?

[pm] Where? Tell me now, I need new places. She can sniff them out, it’s TERRIBLE!!!!! :[ 

Hmmmmm. Wait, will the cookie turn me into a mime? I only want to be a mime if it means I can do those cool box tricks! Do you see how they do them? Do you know how to? You seem to know about mimes LIKE A LOT! Teach me! 

But not the nasty mimes, just the ones you see on T.V! Aren’t they usually Italian?

What do you consider old then, little girl? I’ll continue to insinuate you’re a child because I can tell it annoys you, and for some reason, that brings me joy. Oh- are those the 2 qualifications for adulthood, then?  Plane rides and absent caregivers?

 Never seen them, never heard of them.  Who would name a child Waluigi?  That sounds like a specific form of torture yet to be discovered.

I don’t know, like, 90? Did you know tortoises can live hundreds of years but still be considered young? Age is just a number! Why does it bring you joy? That’s so weird. No, but I can buy cigarettes, vote, and join the army, so CLEARLY I’m an adult. -_- 

[Delivered to Juniper’s is an envelope labeled ‘FOR MY DAUGHTER’. Inside is $16! ….in Canadian nickels.] 

Put it into a savings account. Money management is an important skill to learn. 

Why would I send you egg and cookies? That’s not a balanced meal. As a child, you’re growing. You need….a vegetable. Eat a carrot. 

You will have your allowance soon, my daughter.

Do not make the angry faces at me, I am paying you now.

HMMMM. Well, somebody is! A carrot? I can’t eat carrots. I can eat meats! And ice cream, but I’m not supposed to :[

I’m going to keep this a secret from my aunt, so please don’t tell her!!!!

[pm] You definitely DID NOT. And I DON’T want the COOKIE. How would it…befriend and egg, anyway? I’d burn that cookie, though, Who knows what it’s going to turn into :/

I mean…that’s just part of the game :/ What little things?? Is that why Ariana is possibly turning striped? What did you guys do? 

Also are you like…new here? Why are you unfamiliar with soccer…and mimes…and lots of other stuff

[pm] WELL NOW YOU KNOW IT’S STRIPED! I mean, I don’t know! It just appeared. My aunt is going to think I’m hiding my sweets in the mailbox again. :[ What do I do with it? The message said not to move it. 

SHE TURNED STRIPED? DO YOU THINK IT’S BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE A ZEBRA? Wait, no. Mimes, right! That’s what we’re talking about. 

We killed them, I think!

[pm] You may not physically be sad. But this entire conversation has made me very sad.

It was a striped egg? Either someone is way ahead of the game, or somebody lost their Easter egg from months ago. Nell? Unfortunately I know her. Guard your pudding. She likes to steal it in bulk. I think the hospital is still on short supply because of her. 

I’m confused. What exactly did you need a doctor for again?

[pm] Don’t be sad! Try to eat some ice cream, that will make you happy. :]

Yes! A striped egg :o have you received one before? Pudding? I can’t eat pudding. I mean, I totally can, but I’m not supposed to. It makes me sick. Do you know if there’s a meat pudding that tastes sweet?

Being responsible doesn’t make you a mother. It would at best make you a pet owner. 

How old are you? Seven? It’s that or you’re pulling my leg. I mean, I’m 5′11″ nearly 6 foot. I think I’m pretty tall but uh don’t really bump my head on things and anyway that’s not really the point? You asked me to describe them so I did.

Do you think there’s a pet in the egg? It was striped, Nell wasn’t happy about that! Oopsie ladies! 

Poop, Honey. Moose poop. I’m not sure if “shrinking a moose” is illegal, but touching one sure is. 

No. It’s an “app” on the phone where you can send money. Like a bank, but not. Personally, I prefer cash in an envelope. If you give me your address, I’ll make sure your owed allowance gets to you, my daughter. 

She doesn’t know anything. Don’t listen to her. Listen to me, your father.

S-T-I-N-K-Y. Yes. I know, that’s your name. 

You don’t already have my address and you’re not the one sending me these eggs and cookies, are you? If so, please know I do NOT want anymore. :[ But if not, then you can just send it to [user gives address to a total stranger over the internet who can’t get her name right because what could possibly go wrong] 

I’m 478 30.  I’m saying you’re a child because you clearly haven’t had the formative experiences or developed the life skills that thrust people into adulthood. I don’t know anyone named Mario.  He’s in the game as well?  Oh-uh… I suppose?  

THAT’S NOT EVEN OLD. Um, excuse you. I’ve had plenty of experiences that have made me an adult. Like, I have an I.D card. I got on a plane last year. I practically raised myself, puhleaaaaaase! 

[pm] You didn’t tell me this egg was MIME STRIPED before you BROUGHT IT OVER. 

Also, you know Ariana? Also WHY were you trying to eat soccer balls?

[pm] I’M PRREEEETTTY SURE I SAID IT WAS! 

[pm] You’re proving my point without meaning to. That’s sad.

I’m still confused by the question. Why should I care that your friend found a crayon and that you have an egg? Where did the egg come from?

[pm] I’m not sad? 

Ah… let’s just assume your health class was right.

I wouldn’t eat it. I would most likely get rid of it as it sounds like someone tampered with it, but if you need a second opinion, see a veterinarian or a zoologist. It is possible they would know what it is.

IT WAS.