Growth and Healing

two years later, different person, and i feel the same way. except this time, rather than desperately trying to see if anyone has ever felt this way before, or if i really am just making this all up, i look back on what i wrote. and i see that i’ve felt this exact same way two years ago. and my words, although they may be vague, perfectly say the things that i’m still too numb to articulate. 

There are many words I could use to bring you down, make you see for yourself the person who you really are. I won’t do that. I would rather improve myself to look past you than pulling you down to make me feel better. I know I’m way better than that

It hurts to admit and realize sometimes but it has to be said because this is totally normal: you are not who you were before that happened. And that’s ok. Rather than grieving who you used to be and that they’re never going to come back, embrace who you can make yourself

Remember when you were little and you learned that dark chocolate is better than milk chocolate??? And then you thought that meant dark chocolate was healthy so you assumed you could replace fruits and vegetables with dark chocolate?? And then an adult had to tell you that just because it’s healthier than other forms of chocolate doesn’t make it particularly good for you. Yeah, people are like that too. Just because someone on your life was more toxic doesn’t mean that this person that makes you feel negative emotions isn’t bad; they’re also toxic so don’t start comparing because then you tell yourself that you’re overreacting

I had a dream that I casually texted my ex about something that happened during my day and I woke up in a cold sweat thinking that i actually texted them in real life. Never been more proud of myself and I didn’t even do anything

Just because your life isn’t what you want it to be doesn’t mean you just get to shit on mine; work on yourself rather than wasting energy being negative

The strength that I have that I literally just spent twenty minutes on the floor, going from crying to feeling absolutely nothing and still stopped myself from posting something negative. It was a very very honest post but I don’t want to put those kinds of thoughts into the world. If we have to deal with negative people everyday, I will stop myself, a positive person, from giving this beautiful world any more negativity that it did nothing to deserve. That’s it. Hope today was a really good day for every single person <3

I thought the best feeling was hearing those three words leave his lips, directing them at me. Turns out that the best feeling is being my true self and feeling free after being held down by such an asshole for so long. I really don’t need that kind of negativity in my life<3 Take this second to breathe and see that although they think you lost them, you gained so much more than when you were with them

Here’s the thing: no matter how much you hate someone, you can’t get the people around you to feel the same about them. Yes, they hurt you and betrayed you and made you so much less than what you’re actually worth (don’t believe them, you’re so fucking cool) but no one else knows that side of them. And even if you tell them and they say they feel sorry for them, that won’t stop them from laughing at that little asshole. Yes, you know what a fucker they are but you can’t change anyone else’s opinion about them; they will have to experience that themselves. I know, brutally honest and so painful after everything that asshole already did to you but it will save you hours that I’ve wasted getting mad at so many people for not seeing what a little manipulator they really are. It’s frustrating, yes, but the best thing you can do is grow from that persons toxic traits and get over what an asshole they are. Then you won’t care how smitten people are for them. Yeah, when they make a joke and half the room laughs, roll your eyes so hard, the earth shakes but don’t expect the people to understand just how much they hurt you. Pain can’t be artificially produced and not even pity makes people see what you consider to be obvious. You’re so amazing and that’s literally all that matters <3

Omg what a fucking asshole. That’s it; that’s the post. What a little fucker. There’s no nice way to describe them

Babe, don’t feel stupid for seeing the red flags only after it’s over. I know, once it’s over and you realize, you feel so shitty and ask yourself how you possibly let things get that bad. This is just proof of what a manipulator they really were; you couldn’t even properly see things when they held you down. Give yourself time to breathe, gorgeous thing. You’re already so much stronger <3

I know I could kick his ass if I wanted to. But I don’t need to; proving my strength by moving on and being even better than ever rather than wasting time trying to get him to realize how I’m strong. He’s such a bad person, he doesn’t deserve to see how amazing and powerful I am. Damn this feels amazing

I know that in the moment it feels totally worth it but don’t let yourself forget the worth of everything else in your life just because of that one boy with a dangerous personality and somewhat decent eyes. That’s what they want; for you to stop doing the things you love, to stop working for your goals because you’re just so “in love” and then when you’ve devoted everything to them, they hurt you. And if that did happen, don’t get mad at yourself; you only see it once it’s already happened and that’s the frustrating part. Of course you think that this feeling (that you mistake for love) will last forever but trust me, two months and it’s over.

You were more drawn to the idea of love than to me.

I was so in love with you I didn’t even care about the lack of affection you gave me. Four months and not a single “good morning.” Making me embarrassed about being excited about us. Not wanting anyone to know but then telling some random people about us. And then you said such things to me through a text. You want to seem so mature, so much better than everyone and everything else. A coward, that’s all you are.

Cutting my hair tomorrow so maybe I will remind myself that I don’t have to look any specific way to make you happy.