trusfrated.

what I love so much about Hudson and Connor, and what makes them such good actors, is their empathy. they take these roles so seriously. they care so much about Shane and Ilya. they see them as real people. they allow themselves to fully internalize everything these characters have been through. they let it hit them. they let themselves feel the weight of it. they let it affect them. connor looked at ilya and said, "of course a bisexual, closeted, russian hockey prodigy, with a mom who committed suicide when he was 12 and an abusive father with impossible expectations and a homophobic asshole brother living in a strange country speaking a second language, would act like this. of course i understand why he said this or did that. of course." and hudson looked at shane and said "of course a gay, closeted, asian, autistic, only child hockey prodigy, who treats his body like a machine and views himself as a commodity and is preoccupied with performing a very specific and rigid role, would act like this. of course i understand why he said this or did that. of course." and they allow themselves to fully live in that--what that trauma and anxiety and repression and grief feels like. they make it real to us because it's real to them. i love them so much.

imagining a time where shane tells ilya that he put on a suit before their first hookup. like, years down the line they’re dressing up for an event and shane looks in the mirror and starts giggling. having flashbacks of fixing his tie just like he’s doing right now. and ilya’s like ??? "what is so funny?" and shane obviously tries to play it off. all “nothing. it’s nothing.” but he has this goofy ass look on his face he can’t quite hide. it’s not until ilya gets all up in his space, hands sliding around his waist, puppy dog eyes coming out in full force, that shane goes “it just reminded me of the first time we got together”. and this really throws ilya through a loop because huh?? and so he has to explain. how he was so nervous and so excited and so full of uncontrolled energy that he put on a full suit and tie before ilya came knocking on his door. how he then had to scramble to take it all off, put it away neatly, and then act like he wasn't just sitting in the dark thinking he had lost his mind. this, obviously, sets ilya off. laughing, tears in his eyes. because this is the love of his life. he's so in love with this goofy ass boy that not only had this ridiculous idea, but that fully went through with it for a minute. he gathers enough composure to hit him with a "so you were reaaally trying to impress me, yes?". safe to say they were late to the event.

Shane Hollander really is the guy of all time. he's gay. he's autistic. he's wasian. he's the best hockey player in the world. he married his 8 year situationship. he's a millionaire but only because his mom said so. he has beautiful freckles. he had sex with a man for 8 years but the possibility that he might be gay only crossed his mind when he called him by his first name for the first time. to convince himself he was straight he started dating a movie star. he came out as a bottom. he does yoga. his situationship offhandedly suggested getting married for citizenship and he immediately stayed up until 4 am scheming so that wouldn't happen. he's an olympic medalist. he has a dog. his wedding song was diamonds by rihanna. he likes ginger ale.

No, y’all don’t understand. Shane Hollander has Ilya Rozanov wrapped around his finger. And what I love about HR and Hudson’s portrayal is that Shane maybe doesn’t even know that he has this power over Mr. Service-Top- with - the-sad -Slavic -eyes, himself. That man will literally walk on hot coals If Shane was on the other side looking even the slightest bit horny or sad. I hate fics that portray Shane as this helpless bottom who has no control and is at Ilya’s whim. Shane has Ilya on a leash and Ilya is happy to be there. Shane says jump Ilya is already in the air.

#THIS WAS A FUCKING ROOOOOMAAAAAAANCE moment #one of those moments when i knew jacob tierney Got the genre #bc this look of conflict and desire and the fact that shane CANNOT SEE IT #it's that and the big spiel in russian where it's like... this is why dual POV in a romance is so important and 9/10 times the better choic #(w exceptions!) #if you're a perceptive audience member (and not everyone is lol) you can tell that shane is not getting the full picture #you know that ilya's feelings are real and intense #but shane not knowing and YOU knowing makes the tension even better (tags via @mermaidsirennikita)

The hottest Ilya Rozanov has ever looked is when Shane asks "how could we let this happen?" and you can see Ilya behind him completely lost in the sauce hanging by a tenuous thread having clearly been edged to an inch of his life going at the pace Shane wants like the service top that he is and that vein visibly throbbing and almost popping out of his temple and his eyes are love drunk fuck struck sex crazed staring at Shane's lips and he's sweating his balls off as red as a tomato looking like he's 2 seconds away from having a reunion with his mother and he loves Shane and Shane loves him and he's too hard rn to understand what the actual fuck a rhetorical question is so he answers out of breath with a not contained at all horniness with something about stupid and irresponsible and Shane finally finally says "please fuck me" so he grips Shane's thigh with one hand and his shoulder with the other and starts thrusting like his life depends on it and Shane's gripping his hair and controlling his movements like the freaking rat from ratatouille and he pulls those golden curls hard enough to take out a few strands and Shane's fingers are in his mouth and he sucks on his nipples so hard he almost has him lactating and the windows are open and the sun is shining and it's a perfect fucking sight.