𝓙𝓮𝓯𝓯𝓻𝓮𝔂'𝓼 𝓑𝓪𝓴𝓮𝓻𝔂

"It does look similar," Juyeon says slowly before leaning towards the laptop screen until his face is almost touching it. "It looks like he also has one on his collar though; do you have that one as well?"

You heave a sigh. "No."

It's another day that yields no results on the soulmate front, which shouldn't be surprising at this point, but it's a growing frustration that the continuous stream of bruises on your body left no clue as to where your soulmate could be.

Boxing has never been an interest of yours but ever since the bruises started appearing, Juyeon had suggested that your soulmate might be a boxer. It had been a joke at first but seeing as the bruises never stopped as you waited year after year to find this soulmate, your last resort was to try and look for them anywhere you could. It led you to watch boxing matches quite regularly, but the boxers' bruising patterns never quite matched yours, and the timing of your bruises didn't quite match theirs.

Soulmate—the one person in the world that shared your bruises, whose body displayed all the blues and purples of your pain like watercolour on a canvas. The concept sounded beautiful, and sometimes you could indeed see the beauty in Juyeon and Hyunjae's shared glances as congruent spots bloomed across their skin simultaneously. You saw it in the way every mark told a story, how each one was a reminder that there is someone to share your pain and that they are never too far away.

But as nice as the idea of a soulmate sounded in theory, you didn't know how to feel about the fact that your soulmate was out there getting their body battered. Were they playing a sport that involved frequent injuries? Were they actually a boxer or maybe even a stunt actor? Were they super clumsy? Or were they just—you definitely did not want to imagine the other scenarios that could possibly lead to such frequent bruising, especially when certain locations of the bruises shared a little too much about this annoying soulmate's actions.

The point was, you didn't understand how someone who was constantly getting their body bruised like that would possibly be compatible with you, an innocent student just trying to graduate from college and get a job. Though at this rate you might as well become a professional makeup artist with the amount of makeup you were wearing on a daily basis just to cover all the bruises. All that just made you more determined to find this hell of a soulmate and maybe give them a punch of your own.

"Hang in there," Juyeon says gently, pulling you out of your thoughts. "You'll find them soon."

"What did I miss?" Hyunjae comes into you room with his face entirely blocked by the bags of snacks he was carrying in his arms. He settles in between you and Juyeon, perched comfortably on the edge of your bed as he starts munching on chips. "No progress again today?"

"I thought that it might be this Sangyeon guy." You point at the screen where the boxer is walking by after a match that he won. It really would've been a good day to have him as a soulmate. "But now I'm even angrier at my soulmate for not being him."

"Oh, he's hot," Hyunjae nods. "But why, did you fantasize about having him as your soulmate or something?"

"Shut up. Not all of us are lucky enough to have hot soulmates, you know."

"Yes, please don't remind us that you once liked my hot soulmate." Hyunjae puts an arm around Juyeon possessively and you have to resist the urge to smack him.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

"But wait. Is that a new bruise?" He manages to poke your cheek before you swat his hand away and give him a glare.

It's your right cheek today instead of the usual left, but the timing isn't unusual for the bruises to start showing up. You sigh again, grabbing your phone to check in the camera, and just as he pointed out, the hints of blue-green hues are starting to make their way across your skin.

"It's okay," he says nonchalantly, "look on the bright side, at least it's not at a weird location."

"Um." You did not want to discuss weird locations. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You know. Like your neck or stomach. Or thighs." Hyunjae pauses for a second as a teasing expression slowly spreads across his face. "Though I guess if they were on your thighs you wouldn't exactly be telling us about them or showing us."

"Hyunjae!" Juyeon elbows him for you. At least one of the soulmate duo has some sense.

You don't say anything in response as you grab another chip, pretending as if your privacy—or was it your soulmate's?—hadn't just been violated by your supposed best friend. You did not want to be picturing your soulmate doing questionable things with other people.

"Wait... don't tell me you've actually gotten them there before. Y/N!"

You push him off the bed.

The morning flies by in a rush of insistent knocks on your door by the soulmate duo, running around your room to pack your bag for class, and then completely forgetting about putting on your safety net of a cake face to potentially cover up the evidence of your soulmate's injuries. Maybe that should've been your warning sign to skip class entirely today, but the soulmate duo reassures you that everything would be just fine. Hyunjae states that the chance of your soulmate getting beat up at this early morning hour was low, and on the other hand, Juyeon says you look perfectly gorgeous without makeup.

While you appreciate their efforts, you know they don't quite understand your reasoning for covering up the marks you get. You've seen the way they wear their bruises proudly, as a sign that their soulmate exists and as a statement of that bond just like a promise ring. That's naturally what happens when they've known each other since elementary school, where a fall on the playground resulted in a matching bruise on a classmate.

One day, if you ever find your soulmate, you wished to be able to boldly show off each and every mark too. But for now, you hated even the thought of possibly wearing your soulmate's ugly black eye like it's a fashion statement.

Campus is calm and quiet so early in the morning, a nice change from the bustle of crowds you usually see on the way to your afternoon classes. Clubs are just beginning to set up their tents for the club fair, including the pop-up farmer's market that comes to your school every month. In the distance, you could already see the bushels of various fresh fruits and vegetables set up on the stands, and there's a small bakery section at the very end filled with what looked like pastries and coffee shop drinks.

"Are we too late to even stop for coffee?" you groan, already imagining the suffering you'd be doing in lecture when the professor's monotone voice lulls you to sleep.

"Unfortunately." Juyeon gives a wry smile.

Hyunjae shakes his head at you. "You should've slept earlier."

"I had so much work to do for tutoring," you whine. "Anyways, coffee run after class please. Hyunjae, you owe me."

But just before you could hear his snarky retort, there's a roar of wheels against the sidewalk followed by a loud gust of wind.

Only a few inches away from you, so close that you could smell his cologne as he winks at you with a smirk on his face. A skateboarder, his dark hoodie and beanie blurring together as he zooms by. It nearly makes you fall despite how he didn't actually bump into you.

"What the—"

"You okay?" Juyeon grasps you just in time.

"Yeah, thanks." You quickly get back on your feet and subconsciously brush the shoulder that the skateboarder nearly touched. "But wow, how rude. You're not the only one who's late, asshole."

"Look at the way he's showing off now," Hyunjae snorts and when you follow his gaze, you could see the skateboarder continuing to weave his way through the students on the sidewalk, occasionally doing those jump tricks off the curb. The rumble of wheels on concrete fades as he gets farther away, but you don't miss the way he makes a few other students nearly fall as they scrambled to move out of his way.

"Must think he's so cool—" you start. And then stop. Because right then, karma literally manifests and catches up to said skateboarder faster than the blink of an eye. Maybe there was a rock on the sidewalk or some sort of ledge in between the cracks because the next thing you know, the guy is sent flying off the skateboard. It makes him tumble quite a distance, and what's absolutely hilarious is the way he lands. Right in the fruit stand that the farmer's market had set up.

Face first, straight into a bushel of apples.

"Ouch, that's got to hurt," Hyunjae says. It only takes one glance at him for the two of you to burst out laughing.

"Is he a bad boy because... he's bad at everything?" you say amidst the giggles.

"But did you see the look on his face?" Hyunjae holds onto your shoulder as he doubles over in laughter, only coming up when there are tears at the corners of his eyes. "Oh wait, only the apples could've seen that!"

The skateboarder slowly gets up as the people at the farmer's market gather to watch, their expressions equally divided between sympathy and amusement. You don't feel bad about laughing at all. Besides, this was totally karma for giving you and everyone else such a scare on the skateboard earlier. Especially that wink at you; who does he think he is?

Juyeon shakes his head. "Well, it's a terrible day to be his soulmate. Imagine waking up to that giant bruise on your face."

"It's probably a terrible day to be his soulmate every day," Hyunjae cackles again.

The fall of the skater boy causes the three of you to be late, though it was worth it. By the time you finally make it to class, the professor was already droning on about something on the next assignment, so you sneak in quietly and sit at the back while he's not looking.

"Maybe going to morning classes isn't such a bad idea when you can see stuff like this happen," Hyunjae whispers as he settles into his seat. The grin is still there, with teeth and all which was a rare occurrence.

"Are you suddenly awake now?" you whisper back.

He pulls out a notebook and writes the date, giving you a thumbs up enthusiastically. "Awake and ready to take on the day." It's not the correct date but you don't bother telling him.

When he turns to you again, he freezes. There's a look of confusion on his face that tells you he might've realized that the date he wrote was wrong or that he might've forgotten something important. But it soon turns into realization and then horror in under a second as he simply stares at you.

"What is it?"

Hyunjae's expression changes again and this time his lips curl into a mischievous smirk that could only mean he's up to no good.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. It's just that," he leans over to whisper in your ear, "you happen to be developing a nasty bruise right on your face."

Maybe you die a little inside.

Suddenly the idea of falling face first into a bushel of apples doesn't sound so funny anymore.

Hyunjae teases you about your supposed soulmate for the rest of the day. It's not surprising, really—he still teases you about your former crush on his soulmate after all, even though it's been years since freshman year of high school. And although you assure him that there's no way the skater boy is your soulmate, that it had to be a coincidence, you could still see the curl of his lip whenever he looks your way.

You're sure he would've dragged you over to wherever this rude skater boy was, determined to put an end to this mystery while getting a new reason to tease you. But he didn't have to. Because when you go back to the farmer's market tent after class for some fresh coffee and baked goods, the rude skater boy is there.

Only this time, he's not on a skateboard, nor is he falling into the fruit stands. This time, he's working there.

A blue vest covers his black hoodie with an obnoxious looking name tag that says "Sunwoo" when you get close enough to read it. There's a collection of colourful stickers on his cheek that conceal an area matching the one you'd smeared with emergency makeup on your own face, and his beanie is pulled low as if trying to cover as much of his face as possible.

A coincidence, you tell yourself. Besides, your actual soulmate had also given you bruises on the upper arm and lower shin yesterday, and you're sure this skater boy wouldn't have those.

"Y/N, where are you going?" Hyunjae singsongs like he's enjoying your misery. "Weren't we going to get coffee?"

"Um, let's go visit Younghoon instead?"

But he comes up to your group before you could effectively escape.

"Hey. Welcome to," the skater boy pauses, glancing back at the sign, "the farmer's market. Can I help you with anything?"

"Holy shit, he's actually working here," Hyunjae whispers to you so loudly that you're sure this Sunwoo guy could hear what he said. "How did that happen?"

The rude skateboarder scowls at the three of you, looking very disinterested. "They wanted someone hot to be the new face of their organization. Obviously."

"Couldn't have been a very nice face with that giant bruise on it," you whisper back to Hyunjae, just as loudly.

Although that's what you say, you can't help but notice that it was actually quite a nice face—plump lips, big eyes, and a sharp jawline that could cut someone. He was good-looking and he definitely knew it, perhaps a little too well because who brags about that to complete strangers? Why were all the good-looking ones like this?

"Ah, that's where I remember you guys from." The skater boy nods in Hyunjae's direction, "Definitely couldn't forget the pretty boy."

"Juyeon, are you hearing this?" You sigh, crossing your arms. "Can we g—"

"Oh, he's matched?" The Sunwoo guy raises a brow and then glances at Juyeon. Looks him up and down. "To quite the looker too, wow. Guess it's true what they say about hot people having hot soulmates."

"Bet your soulmate can't look too nice with all the bruises they get," you retort.

The skater boy sighs. "You really got to witness that moment, huh." He picks up a few of the fruits on the counter and sorts them in the baskets on the shelf. "Damn, really should've taken the motorcycle instead. But you see, I'm actually not that terrible at skateboarding. It only happened because I got so distracted by your beauty," he nods your way. "I guess you could say... I fell for you." And then there's the wink that you definitely saw coming—it's already his second wink at you and you've only been in his presence for a total of a minute.

"Are you kidding me? You nearly ran me over on your skateboard and you have the audacity to say stuff like this?"

You raise your hand jokingly as if to punch him, but then Juyeon's holding you back and shaking his head. "Hitting him won't do you any good, Y/N. Just in case he's... you know."

"Nah, we don't have to worry about that because there's no way he's my soulmate."

"Soulmate?" Sunwoo asks, eyes bouncing between you and the two others.

Hyunjae nudges you lightly, lips curling in amusement. "We're only stopping you from inflicting visible damage, but there are always other options. For example, bruises on legs are much easier to hide."

"Hmm, you're right. A kick should do it—"

Of course you weren't actually going to kick him. But even before you could finish your sentence, the rude skater boy is already turning his body away, dodging you while holding his hands out to protect himself.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I was just kidding," he pleads, running back behind the pop-up tent for protection. "But please don't; I just got a bruise there."

Juyeon tilts his head, brows furrowing. "Hey, Y/N. Maybe you're right that he's not your soulmate after all, since he has bruises that you don't have."

Yeah, thank goodness, you wanted to say. But you could only stare back at your friend in silence. Time seems to slow down.

Because when you lift your pantleg the slightest, it reveals the new bruise that you had noticed this morning. The same splash of aqua on your lower shin that has now deepened in colour and covers a little more area than before.

"Oh."

You feel like you're going to throw up.

In front of you, Sunwoo looks like he's about to faint.

Most people may not be lucky enough to have a nice meet-cute with their soulmate, but it felt like yours was more of a meet-ugly... literally.

No one talks about it this time, which you're very thankful for. But instead of the jokes and teasing that you expected to hear, there's a very obvious silence about anything to do with soulmates, as if Hyunjae and Juyeon were walking on eggshells when it came to the topic. It makes the whole situation feel too real when you were just trying to avoid thinking about it, and so, maybe the awkwardness wasn't better than their teasing after all.

Heading to the tutoring center after a study session with the soulmate duo has you walking by an area you don't normally pass by, and even from afar you could see just who hung out here. Their table stood out against the grassy fields and students scattered around, a monochromatic speck of dark hoodies and leather jackets amongst a sea of colour. You don't look too closely at the faces around the table, but it fit Sunwoo's image so well that it would've been a little surprising if he wasn't there.

And sure enough, he is there. You notice the girl sitting beside him first, so obviously flirting with the way she bends over as she laughs at something he says, her long hair falling over his shoulder. The way she clings to his arm and presses her whole body against him, and the way she hits him cutely. It's almost funny how she manages to get him right on the bruise on his arm, one that only you knew about. And only you could see the way he holds back a wince. But in the next moment, he looks up and suddenly his eyes are meeting yours.

Sunwoo blinks a couple of times before a knowing smirk appears on his lips. For a moment, he smiles back at the girl beside him; there's a twinkle in his eyes as if he's purposely turning up the charm, an abrupt change from the indifference that you'd seen just seconds earlier. She beams, nodding enthusiastically at everything he says. But to your surprise, she soon leaves their table looking the slightest bit disappointed.

And then he leaves the table to catch up to you.

"Hey, soulmate," he says. The smile on his face looks the same as when he smiled at her with the artificial sparkle in his eyes and all, and you want to hurl at how fake it is. Then there's how gross the word 'soulmate' sounds coming out of his mouth like it's just a joke to him, like he's rubbing this terrible situation in your face and laughing about it.

Typical fuckboy behaviour.

You speed up your steps a bit to shake him off. "Bye."

"Hey, wait up!"

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" you ask, still refusing to look at him or slow down your steps. "Like, with one of your girlfriends?"

"Aw, are you jealous? Don't worry, I'd rather be hanging out with you, soulmate."

You don't react to that, letting the silence fill the air between the two of you as he matches your quick stride without missing a beat. It feels strange to be walking beside him, like there are more eyes trained on you today as they pass by, more turning of heads.

"So how've you been? I haven't seen you around in a while."

"I was doing well until now," you say dully.

"Aren't you happy to see me?" he teases.

"In your dreams."

"I do hope you'd visit me in my dreams tonight, soulmate."

"So are you just going to keep following me?" you finally turn to ask when you're halfway across campus and he's showing no signs of leaving.

Sunwoo shakes his head. "Nah, I'm going that way too."

"If you say so."

The conversation, if you could even call it that, continues the same way the whole time he's by your side and it reminds you why it was so difficult to talk to him in the first place. The brief curiosity you had after your last meeting with him quickly fade, replacing itself with the original anger and annoyance you had towards him instead.

He tells you about some party happening this weekend (you tell him to take one of his girlfriends), then he invites you to go for a spin on his motorcycle (you tell him you don't trust him, especially not after that skateboard fall), and finally he asks for your number (you say it's the number of the local animal shelter because they take strays, not you).

The most you give him is your name, so that he might stop calling you by the S-word that you've come to hate so much. Though now you're not so sure if the S-word is soulmate, Sunwoo, or skater boy.

And then you finally arrive at your destination.

"Waitwaitwait." Sunwoo's eyes widen with realization once your steps finally stop, nearly walking right into the door of the tutoring center. Unfortunately, he stops in time. He looks at the sign on the door and blinks multiple times. "This is where you're going?"

It takes all your effort to hold back your laugh. "Yeah. Didn't you say you were going this way too?"

"Um. Right, yeah. Let's go."

To your surprise, he actually enters the room first.

"Hey," Jacob—the head tutor and administrator—greets as the two of you enter. He turns to Sunwoo, "Are you here to get tutored?"

"Um, I guess?"

"Alright." Jacob goes to grab the clipboard with the list of the tutors. "I'll see who's available today."

Sunwoo's eyes widen a considerable amount. "Wait, can't I be paired with Y/N?"

"Y/N is already paired with—"

"Hey, Y/N." As if on cue, Younghoon shows up. He takes a seat in his usual spot as if Sunwoo hadn't been standing right there, then sets a coffee cup on your desk. "I made you your favourite today."

"Aw, thanks Younghoon." You pop the lid off to take a look, and just as you expected, the usual heart design is floating at the top. "Wow, as pretty as always."

Sunwoo scoffs. "Younghoon? Why the fuck are you here?"

"Well look who it is." Younghoon glances at him up and down. Smiles a bit. "I told you about this long ago, but you just said it was for losers."

"When did I say that?" Sunwoo mutters under his breath, the frown on his face growing. "But how do you even know Y/N?"

"We were paired for a project in bio last term," you answer, finally sitting down beside Younghoon.

"Oh, was it the project?" There's a teasing smile on Younghoon's lips when he looks at you. "Didn't we meet at the coffee shop when you spilled your drink all over me?"

"I—wait that was you?" you ask, the embarrassment threatening to show on your cheeks at any moment. While you do recall having spilled a drink on a cute barista the first time at that new cafe on campus, you never made the connection that that cute barista had been him. "And you still remember that?"

Younghoon chuckles. "How could I forget? It's not every day when a customer spills a drink on the barista."

"Ugh, don't remind me; that was so embarrassing."

Sunwoo visibly stiffens. The frown on his face deepens with every second that goes by, turning into a permanent scowl as you continue to chat away with Younghoon while ignoring him. It makes for such an unbearably funny sight that you have to bite down on your lip several times to stop from bursting into laughs, and Younghoon wasn't doing much better.

"Yeah... so anyway, I'll be your tutor today," Jacob says brightly, pulling Sunwoo away from where he'd planted himself at your desk. Part of you felt guilty because Jacob probably has no idea what he was getting himself into, but one look at the betrayed expression on Sunwoo's face says it's all worth it.

The session goes well but the highlight was definitely seeing the skater boy's fuming expression every time you look at him.

"You should've called me!" Hyunjae pouts, waving around his phone in your face. "I would've walked right out of that group meeting and run across campus just to see the look on his face."

"You can come with me today," you joke. "Maybe he'll show up."

Getting the soulmate duo caught up on the latest skater boy story had Hyunjae laughing so hard within your first few sentences that the three of you get kicked out of the library—not that it was the first time something like that has happened. So you'd relocated to the courtyard and then told them about the way Sunwoo fumed at Younghoon and then scowled at you for a whole hour after getting ambushed by that tutoring session.

Talking about him makes you realize that maybe you didn't hate him. He'd become somewhat akin to the popular boys back in high school; someone who always annoyed the girls and never did their work. Someone you'd never fall for, of course, but someone who made life a little more interesting. Besides, he was just playing around, and you never saw him as a soulmate anyway.

Juyeon wiggles his eyebrows. "Was he jealous of Younghoon or something?"

"Nah, he's just mad he didn't get a chance to make me fall for him like everyone else does," you mutter. "He's just playing."

"Wait, look here." Hyunjae suddenly reaches over to gently cups your chin, turning your face towards him and then proceeds to observe closely at various angles. "Y/N... I think your boy has gotten himself into another altercation."

It's nothing new, but there's still a sinking feeling in your heart. You had been beginning to think that maybe you had some kind of positive influence on Sunwoo since no significant bruises had appeared after meeting him. That maybe simply knowing who and where his soulmate is would make him back off from the reckless behaviour a bit, for your sake.

But as the beginnings of purples appear on your face and knuckles with no signs of stopping, it seemed like all that had just been wishful thinking. Why did you have so much faith in him in the first place? Why did you think that meeting your soulmate would be so impactful on both of your lives?

In the end, he's still the same person that he's always been. Maybe you'd just have to consider it as his payback for being roped into a tutoring session.

You heave a sigh. "Okay, I guess I'll get going now since I need to look presentable and all. Jacob would freak out if I showed up like this."

"If skater boy goes today, try not to kill him, okay?" Juyeon gives you a sad smile and ruffles your hair.

"I see no reason not to," you groan. Then point at your own face, "How can people like him when he goes around looking like this?"

"Hey Y/N, we're only trying to save your own image here." Hyunjae glances at you up and down, pressing his lips together as he shakes his head. "Bruises or not, I don't think you can afford to be any uglier."

"And this is why I hate you." Getting up, you quickly sling your bag over your shoulder. Juyeon gets a soft pat on the head while you make sure to give Hyunjae the hardest flick you can muster. "Bye loser."

"Shut up; you love me."

What surprises you first when you get to the tutoring center is the worried look on Jacob's face. His eyes flicker to you the moment you step into the room, and then every few seconds as he organizes the files on his desk.

"What?" you finally ask. "Is there something on my face?"

An ironic question because yes, there are bruises are your face today. Though you made sure they were covered nicely with the emergency makeup you always carry with you.

"No." He hesitates only for a moment before walking over to you. "Y/N, that guy from last time..."

"Sunwoo?"

"Yeah him," Jacob nods slowly. "Um, if he's bothering you or anything like that. Just let me know? We can get him kicked out or banned from here."

You nearly choke on your own spit. "Is that what it looked like?"

"Well, he spent the entire session looking like he wanted to murder you—or maybe it was directed at Younghoon; I'm not sure—so um, yeah."

"Nah, Jake. He's—" my soulmate, you were about to say. But something about acknowledging it makes your stomach twist. "He's just someone I know. Who probably needs better grades." You shoot him a quick smile. "Thank you for worrying about me though."

You half expected Sunwoo to not show up since he got baited into the last session after all, but for some reason, you find yourself constantly glancing over at the door. And for some reason, he does show up.

There's a relaxed smirk on his face this time—a complete change from the startled then bitter looks of the last time. Though not much of his face is visible underneath a baseball cap and the hood of yet another black hoodie over it.

And then you realize why.

There are splotches of colour around his eye and trailing down his cheek until his jaw; the same ones that you worked so hard to cover up just minutes earlier. There are a few small bandages around his fingers, and his knuckles are red with fresh wounds.

"Hey soulmate." Sunwoo casually sets his bag down on your desk and grabs a nearby chair, setting it down right beside yours. "How've you been? Where's my hug?"

"Not in this nation," you say dryly. You open your notes slowly, refusing to look at him despite the way he peers at you.

"Oh? Then which?"

"Your imagination."

Sunwoo laughs loudly as if you'd just said the funniest thing he'd ever heard. "You're funny, soulmate. If you keep this up, I'll be falling for you in no time."

"No thanks."

"Y/N, is Younghoon coming today?" Jacob holds up the clipboard, checking off the list of students in the room.

"Um, I'm not sure—"

"He's not coming," Sunwoo answers for you. Then adds quietly, "You're stuck with me, soulmate."

You ignore the last part. "Did Younghoon tell you that?" Their interaction had been quite strange last time but you're sure they knew each other somehow. The way they talked made them sound like friends, though rivals could also be a fitting description.

An easy shrug. "He didn't have to."

"What does that mean?"

"Younghoon won't be coming anymore."

"Did you say something to Younghoon to make him stop coming here?"

The corner of his lip twitches the slightest.

"What, did you threaten him or something?"

"What makes you think I had something to do with him not showing up?" Sunwoo says innocently. He leans back in his seat and there's a faint smirk on his face that makes him look satisfied, contradicting his words. "The last I checked, he seemed to have gotten good enough grades to not need to study with you anymore."

There's something about the lack of a text from Younghoon paired with Sunwoo's relaxed demeanour that doesn't sit right with you. As much as you wanted to believe him, the fresh bruises on his face and hands told of a more complicated story.

You sigh, finally turning to the rude skater boy. "Alright, fine. Why are you here?"

"To see you, soulmate," he drawls lazily. You really hope that Jacob doesn't hear any of this conversation because you would be quite mortified.

"So do you think your grades don't need the help?"

Sunwoo smiles a little. "Okay, I know I'm hot and all but that doesn't mean I'm stupid."

"You think you're hot with all those bruises?" Standing up so suddenly earns you a concerned glance from Jacob. "You know what? Come with me." You take Sunwoo's hand and pull him out of the classroom with you, not once looking back at him.

It's empty in the stairwell when you finally stop and turn to him. Dropping his hand immediately.

"You're cute when you're angry, you know?"

"Just stop."

"I'm only telling the truth," he shrugs.

"Then tell me, how did you get all these?" Your fingers ghost over the patches of deep blues on his face and he flinches. Looks away. "Did you... get into another fight? Perhaps with Younghoon?"

His gaze snaps to your face.

"Why?"

Sunwoo groans, leaning back against the wall behind him. "That fucker is totally into you."

"So?"

"You're my soulmate," he says bluntly, frowning back at you.

"So? What, are you jealous or something?"

"What if I am? What then?"

"I don't buy that," you scoff, crossing your arms. "You've clearly never cared about me at all."

His eyes flash. "What do you mean?"

"Have you even once thought that your actions might affect your soulmate as well? I've always had to wear layers of clothing and makeup to cover up these hideous patches just to look like a normal person. Seriously, how can you think that a fight would solve anything?"

Sunwoo is silent now, gaze back to the ground where he kicks around some dust.

You sigh, turning to leave. "But if you do care, then maybe try getting your life together first. You aren't going to be anyone's soulmate at the rate of which you've been getting those bruises all your life."

More than a week has passed since that incident with Sunwoo, and you hadn't seen him around at all—not in person nor in the form of bruises. It was as if the words you'd spoken to him had completely vanished him from your life, just as you had wanted. But even though he'd been out of sight, he hasn't been off your mind for a moment because of your growing sense of guilt. You'd spent so much time building up these angry feelings towards your soulmate that it became hard to see from other perspectives, and maybe things were not as straightforward as you thought. Maybe he didn't deserve the harsh words you'd thrown at him, and he didn't deserve to have such negative energy coming from someone who barely even knows him.

Because before being soulmates, you guys were merely strangers.

You spot him the moment he walks in the lecture hall. Face half covered by his hood and bag casually slung over one shoulder, he walks in nonchalantly a minute before the lecture is supposed to start. It isn't until he's at the front of the lecture hall that the chatter in the room dies down, getting noticeably quieter. The way his eyes scan the crowd slowly makes you shrink into your seat a little, and you keep your head low just in case. But it's no use.

The hush in the room turns into whispers echoing off the walls when he slowly walks up the steps, but he doesn't seem to pay them any attention when his gaze is fixed on you. A casual stare, without intensity. Somehow, it still makes your stomach twist.

And just as you'd been dreading but expecting, he stops right in front of you and sits in the seat beside you.

"What are you doing?" you hiss at him in a low a voice as you could muster.

He gives you a confused frown. "I'm coming to class?"

In the background, your name was already being thrown around amidst the whispers just like that day he walked beside you across campus. You could only imagine what the rumours about you would look like—would you be known as Sunwoo's new fling? Someone that others would be jealous of? A new tally on his body count?

You sigh and rephrase the question. "Why are you sitting here?"

"It was an empty seat."

"Are you even enrolled in this class? I've never seen you here before."

He raises an eyebrow. "Oh, so were you looking for me?"

You roll your eyes, ignoring the urge to facepalm. The feelings of guilt you'd had earlier completely disappear with his reminder of why you'd snapped at him in the first place. What was the point of talking to him when every response was either a joke or straight up flirty? "Yeah, you wish you were that important."

"I figured it'd be easier for you to see me here instead of looking for me at the tutoring center."

"I—hey! I was not looking for you."

Sunwoo doesn't reply but a small smile appears on his face, the first genuine smile that you've seen from him in the couple of weeks since you've known about his existence. There's none of the fake charm and rough persona that he tried to project before; all of a sudden the harsh lines and black and whites of his image blur and soften, melting into an image of a soulmate that almost makes you forget to breathe for a second.

Maybe he was too distracting for his next words are so soft that they have you second guessing if you heard correctly.

"Y/N, I'm just kidding. I've actually decided to stop skipping class from now on. I'm going to get my shit together and do better."

"What?"

There's a playful twinkle in his eye. "I'm going to be so perfect after this that you will have no choice but to fall for me."

Soon class starts and Sunwoo doesn't say anything to you for the rest of the lecture, diligently taking notes in his messy scrawl across pages. Sometimes you can feel his eyes on you, glancing over briefly from beneath the edge of his hood and turning away just before you could ever catch him staring.

You're not sure if he would've said something to you after lecture ends, but you don't give him the chance to as you quickly leave to meet your friends at the library.

Though when you get to the library, Hyunjae and Juyeon are among those people who turn and gawk at you as you enter.

"Are the rumors true? Did he actually show up to class and even sit beside you?" Hyunjae whispers with the excitement in his voice and eyes filling to the brim. "Did he say anything?"

Oh. So that's what it was about.

Juyeon's eyes gleam with just as much anticipation, leaning forward to hear everything you'd say. "Is he even in your major? I've never heard you mention him before."

You sigh. "Yeah."

"To all of the above?" Hyunjae's jaw drops. "Details, Y/N. Give us the details."

Turns out it was Eric, a loud guy in your class, who told his friend Changmin, who then told Hyunjae about it. With pictures too! Not that they were good quality photos, but even from the pixelated images you could tell that sitting beside Sunwoo slouching in his hoodie with the hood up makes you look much uglier in comparison. Great, not only is he making you look hideous with the bruises, but now he's also making you look ugly just by being beside you.

At this rate, Eric and Changmin have probably told everyone about today's events, but it didn't really matter to you since sooner or later they'll all find out about you guys being matched anyway.

"So." Hyunjae furrows his brows, a puzzled look ghosting across his face after hearing about all the events that had happened between you and the rude skater boy. Which wasn't much, really, despite how the shifting of his face through all these different micro-expressions may have suggested. "He's really trying for this, huh?"

"What do you mean?" you counter. "That's exactly what fuckboys do. Duh?"

But your sarcastic remark is not met with one of Hyunjae's usual joking responses. In fact, he doesn't say anything at all and there's a brief pause as the soulmate duo exchange a look, making you very aware that you're the third wheel. For once, you can't tell what they're thinking. What was the big deal about the story you told? Surely, they couldn't be thinking that the skater boy was genuinely interested in you, because that's simply ridiculous.

Hyunjae waves dismissively and then his usual, easy smile is back on his lips. "You're right. Never mind. So," he leans in super close until you could count the number of eyelashes he has—which are very long and make you all the more envious—and then peers into your eyes, "are his tactics working?"

"Are you kidding me?" You push his face away and finally open the textbook sitting on the table. The one that you were supposed to be studying from this past hour. "I refuse to be swayed by a fuckboy. Even if he is my soulmate."

"Sometimes even fuckboys catch feelings," Juyeon says, shrugging before turning to his notes.

If you'd thought Sunwoo's tactics would've just ended with him actually attending class and sitting beside you in it, you were entirely wrong. Somehow your days quickly become filled with his teasing 'hey soulmate' at every turn from where he waits outside your dorm to walk to you to class, to when he monopolizes your time at the tutoring center. It's a mystery how he even figured out which dorm you lived in—Juyeon had shrugged innocently while Hyunjae had simply laughed and said that Sunwoo follows you around like how you followed Juyeon around all those years ago.

You're definitely glad the soulmate duo stay away whenever he's around though; picturing Hyunjae pretending to vomit was all too easy when he wrinkles his nose and pulls Juyeon away every time he spots you with Sunwoo.

"I got you your favourite today," Sunwoo announces as soon as he walks into the tutoring center. There's an air of confidence today despite the way he looks the same as usual in his black hoodie with the hood up. His loud footsteps make Jacob look up alarmingly, though you suspected that the head tutor has gotten used to your annoying student by now. "Just for you, soulmate."

Then he sets down the coffee cup on your desk. A familiar gesture, though just not from him.

"What?" Sunwoo says when notices how you're just staring at the cup in front of you. "It's your favourite latte or whatever." And when you still don't answer, he continues, "You're looking at it as if I poisoned it or something."

You look up. "Did you?"

"Oh please. The worst I could've done is spit in it."

You could only stare at him.

"Hey, spit isn't even that bad—it would just be the same as kissing me, you know." He settles down in his seat beside you and leans back, crossing his arms. "Which you'll be doing eventually anyways."

"How are you so sure about that?" you ask dryly.

"Because you're going to fall for me," he says with certainty, a pleased look on his face. "Very soon."

When you turn your attention back to the cup, the first thing you do is pop off the lid. A habit now, from when you used to check what Younghoon had drawn each time he brought you a drink he made. Though the unexpected leaf floating at the top today makes you realize that he'd mostly been drawing hearts for the past while.

Sunwoo snorts at the frown on your face. "Well obviously I'm not going to let him send you hearts in your drinks anymore. You'd think that with all the hearts you've gotten, you might've noticed his big fat crush on you by now."

"I thought he drew those in everyone's drinks," you mutter, quickly putting the lid back on the cup and filing that information away for another time. "But is that why you decided to get me this?"

"Hey, can't a guy do something nice for you?" He switches to perching on the desk beside you, swinging his legs back and forth. "But I mean. This way you won't need to see him ever again."

You shoot him a glare and he just cackles.

Similar small gestures continue throughout the term. It's as if he took an entire crash course on how to be a gentleman, or the closest he'd ever come to being one anyways. But while his actions say one thing, his lips say another as he constantly throws around the 'have you fallen for me yet,' even upgrading the 'where's my hug?' to 'where's my kiss?'

And the worst part is, you find yourself letting him do all this. You let him take your hand, let him swing your arms as you walk across campus like a typical campus couple. You let him pull you in for the briefest of hugs in front of your residence building before parting ways. You let him send you the good morning and good night texts, even if you don't reply most of the time.

You let him because you knew there should be no risk of falling for him.

"Are you cold?" Sunwoo asks when walks you back to your dorm after class one night.

It's already dark outside and for once you're grateful to have a walking buddy even if he wasn't your first or second choice. Though your first and second options have been ditching you more frequently—even the study sessions in the library with them became few and sparse when Sunwoo happened to be in your major while they were not.

"Nope," you respond, more out of habit than anything. It's a lie; the cool breeze seems to blow right through your clothes with every step, and for once you can't make fun of Sunwoo's fashion since that beanie would at least be keeping him warm.

He laughs. You shoot him a glare.

But in the next moment, he's taking your ice-cold hand between his warm ones. Warming your hand with his breath a little before he laces your fingers with his, and then placing them both in his pocket.

"If you wanted me to hold your hand, you could've just said so," he breaks into a grin, the usual teasing sparkle in his eyes as he gives your hand a squeeze, "soulmate."

"Hey—I did not!"

It might be because your view is obstructed by the wind induced tears, but for a second there seems to be something in his eyes that's a little softer than usual; a slip of brightness between the cracks of the walls he's always had up. If it were from anyone else, you might've said it was a look of fondness.

"Anyway," you quickly change the subject a few moments later, glad to have already arrived at steps of your residence building. "This is me."

Sunwoo nods and pulls your hands out of his pocket but doesn't let go. He shifts slightly so that he's on the step below the one you're standing on, spinning you around so that you're face to face.

It's then when you notice that he's quite tall. Maybe you never realized since you've always been hanging out with the soulmate duo, but now that he's in front of you, the step puts you that much closer to his face. Close enough for you to see his round eyes, his plump lips, and his beautiful sun-kissed skin, no longer hidden under the prominent colours of bruises and swelling.

It's supposed to be annoying—wasn't this was practically the same as Hyunjae always being up in your face, trying to annoy you? You're supposed to push him away, roll your eyes, laugh it off.

But for some reason, you can't. His gaze seems to pin you to the spot, making you unable to do anything except stare at the way his fluffy hair lands near his eyes. It makes you forget everything except for the way he swallows, the way he wets his lips before pressing them together. None of this makes it feel like he's the popular boy at school annoying you anymore.

"You're beautiful," Sunwoo says quietly, breaking the silence. "Can I... have a kiss?"

It's something he always says but this time, it doesn't come out sounding like a joke.

The kiss—it was really meant for his cheek. Something compels you to close the mere centimeters between you, an act that is done all too easily when his face is right there. But as your eyelids flutter shut just as the warmth of his skin was all but against your lips, he moves. Shifts ever so slightly so that the heat of his cheek is actually the heat of his lips. On yours.

You quickly jump back, not giving yourself a chance to find out if they're as supple as they look.

"H-hey!" is all you manage to get out.

The playful smile is back when he gives your hand a squeeze before finally letting go. "Just a little teaser of what we could be doing."

Without another word, he gives you a bit of a wave and leaps down the stairs. Leaving you standing there, wondering if your shivers are because of the wind and if the slight flush on his cheeks was from the cold.

Sk8ter boi: u up?

You: if this is some kind of booty call then no

You: call one of ur other girls lol

Sk8ter boi: you're the only one for me

Sk8ter boi: soulmateeee <3

Sk8ter boi: come out for a while?

You leave him on read, even putting your phone away and turning off the light. Closing your eyes. But it soon becomes apparent that there's no hope for sleep to come with there's a small nagging in your stomach. It compels you to throw on a jacket and get out of your dorm, the same kind feeling that compelled you to actually kiss him the other day on these very steps.

Though you don't count it as a kiss. It was definitely more like a brush of lips—hardly even touching for longer than a millisecond. Besides, he'd totally tricked you.

He's waiting on the steps in his usual getup, kicking around a rock aimlessly, and it takes you a second to recognize his backside without the hood on.

"Sunwoo, it's so late. What are you doing here?"

He meets your eyes with an easy smile. "Just wanted to see you."

"At this hour?"

"Every hour is missing Y/N hours," he teases, and you come very close to pretending to barf. "How are you? Are you cold?"

"I am not falling for that again." You glance him up and down warily.

"I wanted to show you something." Sunwoo shrugs, taking a few steps down and then beckoning you over. You don't even reach the bottom of the stairs before you realize your hand is back in his.

The 'something' that the skater boy wanted to show you turns out to be an old building on campus, one you've never had class in but one that you've walked through many times during your time here.

"Um, what's so special about this?"

Sunwoo's smile seems to grow at your question, and he simply points up instead of answering. Following his finger leads you to a ladder at the side of the building, going up to the roof. He gently tugs you, and soon enough the two of you are standing at the base of the ladder.

"The roof? You want to go up there?"

He probably catches your wide-eyed stare. "Aw, is Y/N a bit of a scaredy cat?"

"No!"

"Then go ahead," he says, gesturing towards the ladder.

"I just don't know why this is what you called me out for." You give him a glare and finally put a hand on the cool metal. "But if I fall and die, I hope the marks make you so ugly that no one else will like you ever again."

Sunwoo barks a laugh at that. "Don't worry. I'll catch you if you fall." He pauses briefly then adds in a quieter voice, "And I don't need anyone else to like me."

The climb up isn't too bad since the building isn't particularly high, and you don't get a chance to look down. Though your hands still grip each rung of the ladder as tightly as possible.

You had expected a nice view once you reached the top just based on how Sunwoo wanted to come here, but it really wasn't impressive. All you could see were the fields and trees on campus, though there's a gentle breeze in the air that makes it seem a little more thrilling.

"Come sit." He settles down on sort of platform, gazing at you with a sparkle in his eyes.

You can hear the quiet hum of electricity so surely this roof was supposed to be for building maintenance or something? And surely, being here is already breaking some sort of rule on campus? But tonight, maybe you decide to trust him.

"It's not so bad up here, right?" The wind ruffles his hair, and you suddenly realize that you've barely ever seen him without some sort of hat or hood on. He's never shown the world more than just a sliver of his face and you don't understand why because his hair is beautiful. His curls look so soft under the moonlight, and it makes you wonder how they would feel between your fingers. If they're as soft as they look.

"How did you even find out about this place?"

"There was a ladder, so I climbed it," he laughs. "Then I started coming up here whenever I needed to think. It's quite peaceful."

"Can't say there's much of a view though."

Sunwoo gasps dramatically, looking at you with wide eyes. "What? No, the view is amazing. Come here, I'll show you." He waves you over and then leans back until he's lying down, staring up at the sky.

You follow suit and make sure to leave a small distance between the two of you. But instead of your head meeting the rough surface of the platform like you expected, it lands on the softness that's Sunwoo's arm instead. He moves, pulling you in until you're settled in the crook of his shoulder.

"Look, it's the big dipper." With his free hand, he points to the sky just towards your left. "And there's Aries," he points to a patch of sky just above you, "and there's Capricorn."

Looking at the sky where he points reveals nothing except for the dots of light from airplanes in the distance and wisps of cloud. The moon seemed to be the only celestial body in the sky that you could see.

"Um. I'm not sure if you need your eyes checked, but there's actually nothing there," you say, giving up on the lack of a view and turning to him instead.

"Wow, couldn't you have just agreed?" He whines, lips forming a pout. "This is fake star gazing; I point at something that's not there, and you say you see it too. And then we marvel at its beauty."

"Why would you marvel at something that you can't see?"

"Hmm. Maybe you're right." Sunwoo suddenly turns to face you. "Why look at the sky when I could be staring at you?"

"Okay, stop."

"You want to play a game?"

"Yeah? And where is this going?" You definitely did not trust him with this.

"Let's do twenty questions. We'll take turns asking and if you can't answer something, then hmm," he pauses. Hums as he thinks. "Then you owe me a kiss."

"Sure. That's easy."

His eyes widen, "You want to kiss me that bad?"

"No! I meant the questions," you say dully. "And what if you can't answer something?"

"Then I'll give you a kiss, of course," he singsongs. "Hmm, have you ever had liked anyone? Other than me, obviously."

"Who says I like you? But yes, I have," you say bluntly, sputtering with disbelief at why he would start with this. "Why, have you not?"

"Well, yeah. But nothing too serious because I knew it wouldn't work out. Everyone's only interested in finding their soulmates in this world." The last part comes out sounding bitter.

"Yeah, I get it. I had a crush on Juyeon when I first met him, but it was—quite obvious that that wasn't going to work out."

"Juyeon? The pretty boy's soulmate?" he asks with sudden interest.

"Um. Please don't go beat him up?"

Sunwoo simply cackles at your words.

"Seriously, please don't. Hyunjae would kill you, you know."

"You don't think I could take on both of them?"

"Sunwoo!"

"I'm just joking with you," he laughs. "Don't worry. I'm not going to get into any more fights, Y/N. You are going to live bruise-free for the rest of your life."

"I didn't mean—"

"Well, unless you want me to mark you up sometime."

"S-Sunwoo!"

"Alright, next question. Have you ever looked for me?"

"Yeah," you admit. "It was not a fun time."

His eyes are unreadable for the most part when you tell him about the boxing matches, the interest in stunt acting. The days the patches of colour on your skin acted like little puzzle pieces, hints to where your soulmate could be.

It's only after you tell him that you start to think maybe you shouldn't have. Maybe he thinks the whole soulmates thing is stupid. Maybe he thinks you're stupid for believing in it.

"You thought I could've been a boxer?" he chuckles. "That's cute."

You roll your eyes at him. "Well, who thought you'd be some kid getting into fights all the time for no reason."

"So were you disappointed when you met me?"

You open your mouth with a sarcastic reply ready at the tip of your tongue but for some reason it doesn't seem appropriate to say anymore. His voice was still light and casual, but there's a dreading feeling in your heart with the fear that the conversation is really going to go down the slippery slope that you both have been dancing around. One that you both may never come back from.

"Don't worry," he says when the silence stretches a little too long, "you can tell me the truth, you know."

"I guess you already know the answer to that based on what I said to you that time in the stairwell." You focus on the curve of his lips instead of meeting his gaze. "I was disappointed that you turned out to be a popular fuckboy on the verge of failing out of school."

"Hey—give me some credit. I haven't hooked up with anyone since meeting you," he says hotly. "And I'm not on the verge of failing out of school. The popular part is correct though."

"Wow, congrats. You get a gold star for that." The sarcasm drips out of your voice, but he doesn't show any signs of acknowledging it as he laughs. "But Sunwoo, I'm not disappointed. I was surprised and in denial at first, and let's be real, the first few times we met went quite terribly. I don't know, I guess I was too harsh to judge you like that right away."

This time it's his turn to stay silent.

"Wait, that wasn't even supposed to be my turn!" You give him a push.

"Oh, oops." There's a bit of a smile on his face but his wall of indifference was still up. "Okay, you can ask me anything."

You take a deep breath. "Do you even believe in soulmates?"

"Oh," he says slowly, frowning. "No one's ever asked me this before. But to be honest, not really. Or at least I didn't before." Sunwoo pauses and you think that's it for his answer, but to your surprise, he continues. "I guess it's because my parents aren't soulmates, so I thought it was whatever at first, that it didn't matter. But when things started getting bad between them, I kind of just gave up on the idea of love completely."

"Oh."

It wasn't unheard of to spend a lifetime without meeting your soulmate, and marriage between non-soulmate pairs wasn't exactly rare either. It just wasn't something that you'd really thought about, seeing as the people in your life had all found their perfect matches.

He tells you about the happiness of his childhood, the way the concept of soulmates wasn't even introduced to him until he started school. How his parents got strange looks when people noticed their marks didn't match, how he became determined to forget about the whole soulmates thing. He tells you about lashing out at the world, watching love fall apart and then grow together in different ways, hating how the world made the whole soulmates thing seem inevitable. Hating the fact that he had one, and then refusing to believe he did.

"I still think that this whole soulmate thing is bullshit though, in general. People should be allowed to love whoever they want to, and besides, love can bloom anywhere. It shouldn't be just limited to soulmates," he states, brows furrowing. "But the bruises sure are annoying as fuck; I'm sorry I never realized that you'd be suffering through the consequences of my actions."

There's a stillness that lingers in the air as you quickly turn to blink away the tears that were threatening to spill out. This reveal of a more vulnerable side of him has you stunned, not knowing what to say or how to react when he's never let you see this side of him before. It makes the seed of guilt grow: the guilt that you blindly judged him and hated him for a lifetime, that you probably still would if you hadn't had the chance to meet him and get to know him like this.

But now that the first step has been taken down this path, there was no going back. There was something that you had to ask.

You turn back to him. "Does finding your soulmate change anything?"

He seems to hold his breath as he thinks. Face impassive. "I don't know, Y/N. Does it? Do you want it to?"

Thoughts fly at a thousand miles per hour through your mind, each possible answer threatening to throw you off the edge of the cliff you were cautiously teetering on. You'd known that this was going to be a conversation that your undefined relationship would never recover from, but you were not ready for it to hit you like this.

So you grab him and then your lips are meeting his.

He makes a sputtering sound from the back of his throat, definitely not expecting your bold move. But he quickly goes to kiss you back a moment later. You pull away.

"Have you fallen for me yet?" Sunwoo whispers after catching his breath. The casual line he keeps throwing around no longer seems so casual now. As he searches your eyes for an answer, you could see how full blown his pupils are and how dark his gaze has become as it gradually trails down to your lips. Dark with a sparkle from the reflection of the moon, just like the starless sky.

"And what if I have?" you repeat his words from the time in the stairwell. It no longer sounds like a taunt. "What then?"

He doesn't answer but then his mouth slowly curves into a smile.

And then he's kissing you.

His mouth is hot and his lips are everything you imagined with how soft and supple they are, fitting so well against yours. He pulls you closer until there's no space between you, until you can feel his breath hitch, until you find out that his hair really is as soft as it looked. Beneath the smell of his cologne is a faint sweetness that's so distinctly him that it's like you're breathing in Sunwoo Sunwoo Sunwoo. And—you didn't know that it could feel like this. You didn't know that kissing someone could be so overwhelming that it makes the world spin and makes your heart feel like it would jump out of your chest. You didn't know his every touch would feel like electricity running through your veins, that the muffled moans he makes would be so addicting.

It was exhilarating. It was scary. Maybe this is what it's like to be with a soulmate. Maybe this is what it's like to be in love.

In love.

Wait—

You break the kiss and pull away from him. Gasping to catch your breath as everything rushes to you all at once.

Sunwoo gives you a bit of a questioning look before the wall of indifference is sliding back into place. There's a gentle smile, not the kind he showed the world but not the ones he'd secretly shown you either. It doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"We should probably get going," he murmurs, sitting up and reaching for your hand. "It's late and you have morning class."

It's only when you're back in your dorm that you realize neither of you answered each other's last questions.

Sunwoo doesn't text you.

He doesn't read your texts either, for that matter; the couple of short messages you sent remain unread and unopened for the next few days. For once, your phone is awfully silent, and it makes you wonder if this is what it felt like to be ghosted by him. If this is what it felt like to be anyone other than his soulmate.

It's like he disappeared from your life as quickly as he'd entered it.

Maybe he finally decided that he's had enough, that he's lost interest in you. And maybe it was a good thing because you didn't know how things could possibly proceed after last night. How could you possibly pretend like there was nothing between you after everything that's happened? How could you possibly endure seeing his flirty facade when you now know he's so much more than that?

There's only silence in replace of the comforting presence to walk to you class, and an empty seat next to you in your shared lecture. The stares and whispers are back this time, and even Eric sends you a questioning glance to which you respond with a shrug.

Jacob gives you worried looks throughout your time at the tutoring center when Sunwoo doesn't show up, though he never outright asks. Which you're grateful for, because you're not quite sure how it would feel to acknowledge the problem that's been eating away at you.

Because when you think about it, you hadn't even realized just how much of your life Sunwoo had taken up—all of your waking moments had consisted of him trying to worm his way into your heart. How he was constantly being up in your face, throwing around cheesy lines and the ever so casual 'soulmate'. There were the small gestures like getting you coffee, walking you up to your door, heck, even the fake stargazing. Holding your hand, warming it up. Lips fitting so well against yours. The genuine smiles he'd shown you, different from the fake ones he'd plaster on for the rest of the world. And then there was the seemingly daily check-in of have you fallen for me yet?

And—oh.

You'd fallen for him.

He did it. He won. He got you to fall for him just as he wanted, just like he'd joked about every day.

And your heart sinks at the realization.

"Okay, spill." Juyeon sits you down at cafeteria after class with a platter of fries in front of you. Comfort food, he'd said, shooing away Hyunjae's hand when he tried to steal one. "What's been bothering you?"

You heave a sigh and then begin with the last time you saw Sunwoo on the rooftop. A night that had started with breaking the rules and mediocre views, ending with deep talks and kissing. You had to admit that it'd been romantic at some point, but had it been a date? Had anything between you two been... anything?

"So you guys kissed?" Hyunjae's eyes fill to the brim with excitement as he leans towards you. "Like, with tongue and all?"

"Okay, ew. Just because you're comfortable sharing things about your sex life does not mean I am." You push his face away just as Juyeon turns into a mess of coughs.

"Sex life?" Hyunjae repeats, entirely ignoring the way his soulmate is now sporting a furious blush. "Who said anything about sex life? Are you saying you had s—"

"Shut up," you quickly cover his mouth for your own sake. And Sunwoo's. And Juyeon's. "That is so not the point of this conversation."

Juyeon clears his throat. "So he hasn't contacted you at all since that night?"

"He has not," you sigh, reluctantly letting go of Hyunjae. "Guess he ghosted like the typical fuckboy? I shouldn't have expected anything from him."

"But it doesn't sound like he's afraid of commitment though," Juyeon says slowly, deep in thought. "He's made the effort to start going to classes and to get to know you."

"Doesn't he do that with everyone he flirts with?" you mutter under your breath.

"But he hasn't," Hyunjae crosses his arms, "flirted with anyone else since meeting you."

"That's a lie; I totally saw him—"

"He's afraid of being rejected by you," Juyeon finally says.

"Wait, what?"

Juyeon nods and even Hyunjae is staring at him with confusion.

"Okay, what do you know that I don't?" Hyunjae blinks at his soulmate, peering at him intensely.

"It was just something Eric said," Juyeon shrugs. "He was mostly making fun of Sunwoo for how much he's changed since meeting you," he nods your way, "but he also said that Sunwoo thought he wouldn't be good enough. Like he was afraid you'd never see him as a soulmate."

"Since when did you become so wise?" Hyunjae says, patting Juyeon on the head. Then his jaw drops when the words sink in. "Wait, you're only telling Y/N this now?"

"Only because Y/N still doesn't believe that lover boy's feelings are genuine," Juyeon huffs, crossing his arms. "The universe was supposed to straighten itself without my interference."

"So much for being confident that I would fall for him."

"But," Hyunjae says deliberately, "didn't you?"

"No—" you start, and then stop.

As if he could see exactly what you had been ruminating about for the past few days, Hyunjae's jaw drops even lower than the previous time. "Oh my god."

"Okay, fine!" you confess only because he already saw right through you. "But it's not a good thing."

"You had no qualms with falling for someone who's not your soulmate but now you're worried about falling for your actual soulmate?" Hyunjae raises an eyebrow and then cocks his head over at Juyeon.

"Ugh, you're never going to let me live, are you?" You stifle a groan from where your face is buried in your hands. It's not usually embarrassing whenever Hyunjae teases you about your former crush on Juyeon, but this comparison makes your cheeks immediately heat up. Maybe because there is some truth to it. "I'm sorry that Juyeon is too hot for you?"

Juyeon laughs while Hyunjae glares at you.

"Not the point," Hyunjae gives a dismissing wave. "It should be easy, Y/N. It should be like falling into place with someone, not falling off a cliff like how you're making it sound."

"It's scary though. With someone who's not your soulmate, you might not care as much because maybe it won't work out anyway. But with your soulmate, this is like the one chance of your lifetime."

"You're right, but you have one who genuinely cares for you. What's the danger in that?" Juyeon asks.

"The danger is that he doesn't even believe in soulmates." You finally take a fry, already cold by now but comforting, nonetheless. And then you think back to that night on the rooftop. What he'd said about soulmates, then what he'd asked you.

I don't know, Y/N. Does it? Do you want it to?

A question you hadn't answered.

"Just make it clear to him how you feel," Juyeon continues when you don't say anything else.

"Easier said than done," you whine. "It's like he completely disappeared. No one knows where he is and he's not answering my texts either."

"Oh that's easy." Hyunjae's lip quirks up, holding your gaze as if distracting you from when he goes to steal a fry. "All you have to do is go talk to Younghoon, and then Sunwoo will suddenly appear to beat him up again."

You don't know whether to laugh or cry at that comment. "Um. I was going to tell you to shut up, but you know what, that's actually hilarious. I'll accept it."

"Why, thank you." Hyunjae smiles. Stuffs the fry in his mouth. "But anyways, don't worry too much about it. Lover boy will be back in no time. Especially when every hour is missing Y/N hours."

"Remind me to never tell you anything ever again," you say, reaching to stuff a handful of fries in his mouth to shut him up. "But I don't even know if that's a good thing though. Him... coming back."

"Why not? Be in love with your soulmate freely, Y/N," Hyunjae gestures dramatically as he chews. "You didn't go through all those years of ugliness for nothing."

"I think I'll go talk to Younghoon and see if he knows anything." You put the platter of fries in front of Juyeon, "Thank you for your help, bestie." Then turn to Hyunjae and knock him on the head, "And just so you know, I still hate you."

"It's okay to admit it, you know. That you loveme."

"Keep us updated, okay?" Juyeon pokes you gently. "Let us know if we can help with anything."

"Yeah, let us know if you need us to beat him up for you. Well, if you don't mind having some extra bruises for a while," Hyunjae says, waving his fists arounds.

"Thanks, but it won't be necessary."

Heading to the cafe has you shivering at the cold wind against your skin; the sun had disappeared with the clouds quickly moving in, darkening the sky with the incoming storm. If Juyeon were right that Sunwoo wasn't ghosting you, then there would have to be another reason for disappearing so suddenly. An unsettling feeling that makes your stomach clench.

Luckily for you, the cafe seems emptier than usual when you head over. Younghoon's there chatting with a co-worker—Kevin, if you could read his nametag properly—and he turns to the door at the sound of the bell.

"Oh, hey Y/N!"

"Hey, Younghoon."

Kevin whispers something to him and then gives you a quick smile before going into the backroom, leaving the two of you alone.

"I'm glad you stopped by, actually. I wanted to apologize for um..." he trails off, running a hand through his hair awkwardly. "Causing you all that trouble. Not knowing about you and Sunwoo."

"Don't worry about it; you already texted me about this." You wave a hand at him dismissingly. "And besides, the important thing is that you're okay. I would've beat up Sunwoo myself if you weren't."

That makes him laugh, though the usual twinkle in his eye isn't there. "We can still be friends, yeah?"

"Yeah, of course." Then you pause, not knowing how to approach the subject. "Actually, that's kind of what I wanted to ask you. Do you know where Sunwoo is?"

Younghoon hesitates. "There were some... people looking for him a while ago. He said he was going out of town to deal with them, but that's about all he told me."

"Some people?"

"He didn't want them to find him here." Younghoon bites his lip. You could tell that he clearly knows more but you're suddenly unsure of whether you wanted to find out at this point. "Y/N, it's probably best if you don't know."

"Oh."

But who would be looking for Sunwoo? Just what kind of people were he involved with? The way Younghoon spoke about it sounded like there would be danger involved; that Sunwoo was being chased by a gang or thugs. That there would be fights, weapons, and maybe even car chases, just like in the movies.

It just confirmed the sad fact that you knew nothing about him. You were completely clueless when it came to what kind of person he was, what his hobbies were, who his friends were. And yet, he knew all those things about you. He knew your schedule, your favourite coffee order, how you met your best friends. In the couple of months that you've known him, he already knew you inside and out.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Younghoon asks, gaze instantly softening at what must be quite a sad looking frown on your face. You barely manage to shrug in response. "Sunwoo might act like an asshole sometimes, but he's not a bad guy. I don't know what he's said to you, but he really does care about you."

"Thanks, Younghoon."

"I'll keep you updated if I hear from him."

When the silence of your room greets you, this time you're scrubbing off the makeup to look for clues. The marks that you once dreaded now became your hope because at least then you'd have some sort of sign. A tiny splash of blue as proof of his existence, a patch of purple to know that he's somewhere close by, that maybe the connection you had with him wasn't a fabrication of your imagination but rather something tangible.

Because maybe you did miss his presence. Because maybe you didn't hate it as much as you once thought you did, and maybe you actually never hated it at all. Maybe you've gotten used to it and maybe the way your heart soars and the way it sinks is the very definition of what it means to be soulmates.

There were no marks. A good sign, you supposed, if this meant he hadn't been getting into fights while he was gone. But something about seeing the clean slate of your skin makes you miss the familiar sight of marks, as if they were a piece of his presence you carried around.

It's already hard to believe you'd once hated them so much.

When your phone finally vibrates, you almost think you're imagining it. That it has to be some figment of your mind that you were projecting too hard.

Sk8ter boi: open the door soulmateeee <3

But when you open the door, he's there. It doesn't even matter how he knew which unit you lived in or how he made it past the front door of the building or why he decided to come. It doesn't matter that he's dripping water onto your floor from his soaked clothes, or that he drops his helmet and jacket by the door.

"Sunwoo?"

"Sorry for taking so long," he says softly as he closes the door behind him. There's a glimpse of a smile but it doesn't match the turmoil in his eyes. "You can see my handsome face all you want now."

"Are you okay? Where did you go?"

"Let's just say there was some unfinished business with some people I knew."

"Did you..." you trail off, not knowing how to ask what was on your mind or whether if you should be prying at all.

He shakes his head and some water droplet fall from his soaked hair. "I'm not going back to that kind of life, Y/N. Had to cut off ties with some people, that's all. Everything's done now. I'm all yours."

You let out a breath of relief that you didn't even realize you'd been holding.

Strands of his hair curl at the ends, and water droplets fall. Then you notice that the white tee he has on is see-through with how soaked it is, and the way it clings onto his body leaves little to imagination.

You slowly force your gaze away. "Oh."

"Were you looking for me?"

"I—yeah," you admit. The sight of him in front of you, alive and well, was enough to wipe away all of the snarky responses you once had in mind and make you finally decide to be real with him. To finally confront your feelings. "Yeah, I was worried about you. I was afraid you'd gotten into an accident or some sort of fight and—"

He shakes his head again, showing you both sides of his arms. Turning his head and pointing at his cheeks. "Not a scratch. See? I know how to resolve things peacefully. I promised you that there would be no more marks, Y/N."

"But Sunwoo, do you mean that? I was afraid you'd left because of what happened that night. That you decided you were done with—this," you gesture vaguely. "Sunwoo... are you just playing with me?"

"What? No." His eyes fill with confusion, and he finally crosses the room. "Y/N, is that what you thought? Is that what it seemed like?" Then he's right in front of you, gently brushing away a tear that you hadn't even realized was on your cheek. "Hey, I'm sorry for taking off like this. I wasn't trying to ghost you, I was just... afraid. Afraid of what you'd say if you answered that last question because I wasn't ready to be rejected by my own soulmate." He takes your hands in his and gives you a sad smile. "I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt, but now, I've come to terms with it. And it's okay because I promised you that I'd get my shit together and I'm going to make it happen."

Then you're burying your face in his chest, arms pulling him closer despite the wet clothing, despite how you thought you hated him all your life. Because somehow, hating him first makes you like him even more now. And somehow, wanting to get rid of him at first makes you want to cling to him tighter now, to hold him closer and let this moment erase your guilt of ever pushing away someone who now seems to fit so well against you.

"You know, you were right to be mad at me for never thinking about you or about how my actions would affect you and the people around me. I hadn't really cared about anything in the world and didn't think about possibly meeting my soulmate in this lifetime. And even after we met, I didn't think anything would change. You were right that I was only interested in fooling around with you—only at first though." He pulls back just slightly, and you could see the honesty in his eyes, steady, unwavering. "But things did change. I usually don't give a shit about people's feelings or opinions, but for some reason, I care about yours. And I find myself wanting to get to know you, to be good enough for you. To not screw up one of the biggest chances in my life."

He caresses your cheek so delicately as if afraid this moment could shatter with a touch too strong.

"Wanting to love you and be loved by you."

If you'd been treading carefully around him before, now you find yourself drowning. Drowning in the warmth of his body against the coolness of his clothes, drowning in the sincerity in his words, in the hope that had begun to bloom in your heart so fast that it aches and yearns.

"Sunwoo, I should've told you that night."

There's a brief flash of fear in his eyes that's quickly replaced with a glimmer of hope that mirrors yours.

"Because I would've told you that I do want this to change everything. I want you to believe that soulmates can exist, and love can be real, and that the possibilities are endless if you're willing to experience it all. And that I do want you, as a soulmate."

He lets out the shaky breath he was holding. "Have you fallen for me?"

And this time when he asks, you're not afraid to answer.

"Yeah, Sunwoo. I have."

Then waves crash and surround you as his lips meet yours, dragging you into the depths and you're sinking, sinking, deeper and deeper. His mouth is hot as he kisses you hungrily, pulling you infinitesimally closer as hands get tangled in your hair and in his tee. Sunwoo's breath hitches when you press your palms against the bare skin under his shirt and there's heat sparking from everywhere you touch like a live wire. His every touch feels like air, a lifeline always keeping you alive and wanting, craving for more as you drown in his body.

He comes up for air first, pulling back the slightest, breathing hard.

"Sunwoo, you're freezing," you whisper.

"Then warm me up."

This time his lips veer from yours, creating a blaze of fire on your skin as they trail to your jaw, your ear, and down your neck that makes your breaths quicken. His shirt comes off with some effort and the bit that was left to your imagination turns into reality when your fingers trace his sun-kissed skin, following each line of his abs, each dip and curve until he's stifling a moan against your neck.

When there's a pause, his pupils are full blown, cheeks flushed as he searches your eyes. Searching for an answer for not only what would happen next, but for an answer about what would happen to the two of you. What you were and what you would become.

And then Sunwoo's kissing you again. Clothes are flung, teeth clack, and then he's pulling you with him until there are silky sheets and the heat of his body against you. Soft moans that you'd gotten a taste of that night now fill your ears as lips and hands are everywhere. His mouth trails down every inch of your body as if learning your every memory, your every bruise that had left you wondering over the years. Erasing then rewriting the stories through splashes of pink hues that darken into the blues and purples of watercolour on a blank canvas.

When the sun peaking through the curtains wakes you up in the morning, there's a disorientation in your head as if a fever dream that only lingers at the edges of your memory. The first glance at your body makes your heart sink as you realize you're covered in marks yet again, but then the memories flood back so fast that it takes a moment to catch your breath.

Sunwoo.

It's hard not to stare when he's right there. His long eyelashes, his high cheekbones, the way his lips curve into a small smirk as if knowing you're staring.

"Oh."

"Oh?" he mumbles, giving you a teasing look. He reaches over and pulls you even closer, until all you can see are those beautiful eyes. "Are you surprised I'm here?"

"No, but I was just afraid you... left."

He softens instantly into the brilliant smile that you'd seen only a few times so far. "Hey, I would never do that to you, soulmate. I was serious about what I said last night."

You nod, not trusting your own voice just yet. There's a tenderness in his eyes and fondness in his hands as his caresses your cheek, a softness that feels like warm sunlight trickling between the cracks. And when he kisses you this time, it feels like a first kiss. Whereas the night before was rough edges and stormy seas, this time it's filled with the innocence of a first love, the sweetness of a summer's day. His lips are gentle but what you notice most is the small smile that lingers on them like he can't contain his happiness.

This time the bruises that you see on your body aren't a sight that annoys you. They're not a sign that your soulmate is out there being reckless or fooling around; these are marks that your soulmate made directly on your skin. This time they're a reminder of what happened last night, not only a sign that he exists, but also a sign of how much he wants this too.

This time just before you head out, you're about to reach for your makeup bag before ultimately deciding against it. Because this time, you don't need to question who your soulmate was, where they were, or where the marks were coming from. It definitely feels different when you look over at Sunwoo and see the matching pale pink mark peeking out from the edge of his collar.

Maybe now, you can finally wear the bruises proudly.

The matching marks are the first thing that the soulmate duo stare at when you and Sunwoo walk into the cafe. You could see the way their eyes bounce back and forth between the two of you; Hyunjae giving you a very mischievous grin while Juyeon beams as if he were the matchmaker himself. Maybe he was, in a way; maybe the universe would've straightened itself out without his interference like he'd said, but he certainly helped.

There's a fifth seat saved for Younghoon, but it remains empty as you heard that he's been busy with the soulmate that he had found only recently. It's ironic that that fight with Sunwoo had been the solution for finding his soulmate all along—the bruises on his face had also showed up on a classmate of his. You were just happy that he's met someone he could finally channel all his love towards.

"Oh hey, pretty boy," Sunwoo nods towards Hyunjae when the two of you join them at the table, then turns to Juyeon, "and Y/N's ex-crush."

You elbow him lightly. "Please. Not you too."

The three of them laugh and for a second it feels so natural. You're glad to have brought them together even if their source of entertainment was from teasing you.

When Hyunjae looks at Juyeon, there's a particular look they exchange. A glance that said neither of them has ever doubted that your relationship with Sunwoo would work out, that they know all too well what the soulmate bond feels like and perhaps how its pull is inevitable.

You see it in the way Younghoon glows when he walks in with his soulmate later—Minji, he said her name was. The affection in his gaze when he looks at her, the way her eyes twinkle when smiles back at him. There's no denying their bond when it's all so different from how he looked at you before.

____

Six-year-old Byeol stood in front of the elementary school’s door with a pair of black biker shorts, an oversized shirt of a very well known sports brand and a red backpack that she had been using since kindergarten and was kind of embarrassed of.

But Byeol was not amused on her first day of elementary school only because of her old backpack.

She was seeing all these girls her age with their long hair twisted and twirled to fun styles with colorful headbands and clips as well as dresses in all colours the rainbow had to offer while Byeol was presenting herself in her usual clothing and short hair.

Byeol hated elementary school already.

“You must be Jeong Byeol,” the teacher greeted her. “Come with me, your class is right there.”

Byeol got seated next to a girl that didn’t differ much from the colorfully dressed ones she had encountered in the schoolyard, but she was quick to sort her into the category of stuck up people like the girls who were side-eying her so judgily just because of her outfit.

“Hello, I’m Jeni.”

What she hadn’t expected was to get addressed by the exact same girl she had just thought badly of. Now, Byeol had a bad conscience.

“Hello, I’m Byeol.”

Jeni’s eyes wandered over Byeol’s equipment that she had just pulled out. A simple pencil case with only a pencil and an eraser in it. Swiftly, Jeni had moved her fully equipped case into her seatmate’s direction.

“You can use my colors too if you want!”

“Oh… thank you.”

Byeol wasn’t ashamed of the fact that Jeni had directly noticed that her equipment lacked completeness, but thankful for her awareness. It was just that her father had promised to buy everything for her, but didn’t make it on time in the end.

“I like your hair clips!” Byeol complimented Jeni.

“And I like your shorts, they look so comfy in comparison to this dress!” Jeni then fiddled with her hair. “Here!”

Byeol’s hair only reached her chin, but Jeni was able to pull a long streak back and fix it with a pink butterfly clip.

“You look so cute!”

From that moment on, the two became best friends.

____

“I don’t care how much work you have left!” you shouted into your phone. “Today is your daughter’s first day of elementary school and she had expected you to be here, yet you weren’t!”

“Babe, please calm down!”

“I’m not your babe, asshole!” A few passerbyers turned around to look at you as you made your way to the elementary school, but you didn’t care. “Don’t you know that your friend Haneul uploaded your last night together on instagram? I saw everything! So if working so hard means whoring around, drinking until dawn and oversleeping your daughter’s first day of school, then you’ll never have to see her again, good riddance!”

You rolled your eyes and put your phone back into your purse as you angrily arrived by the school’s gate. Clutching your fingers around the door handle, you pulled it into your direction, but the door remained closed. You pulled on it again, this time a bit harder, but the door wouldn’t open.

“This cannot be!” you yelled and pulled on the handle again, reaching new levels of aggressivity. “What a shitty day!”

“You have to push it.”

“Huh?!”

Turning aside, you encountered the kind eyes of a man around your age, dressed in formal pants and a white button up, staring at you rather puzzled.

“You have to pull down the handle and then push it. See?”

When he laid his own hand on the door handle, you could see a golden ring adorning his finger. Almost the exact same ring, only a bit thinner and more fragile, could also be found on your hand.

“Oh thank god!” you let out, relieved as he opened the gate for you, and it didn’t slip by you that his gaze fell upon your ring as well. “I thought I was seeing things!”

You passed through the gate before him, but he followed suit and fell into your step in the schoolyard as you slowed down purposely.

“I’m Y/N!” you introduced yourself. “My daughter had her first day today.”

“I’m Jaehyun, and same. I had to drop her off very quickly this morning as I was supposed to be at work by 9. I wasn’t able to equip her with everything that she needs in time which was why she was a bit sour this morning. But hopefully, I can make up for that now.” Jaehyun held up a bag on which the logo of a very popular convenience store was printed on. “She said she wanted some stuff with… cartoons on it? Something with Pororo or so. I don’t know.”

“May I have a look?” you asked, and he nodded.

As you took the bag into your hands, you noticed that he brought a pack of crayons with cars on them.

“That was all they had that came close to cartoons. How am I supposed to know what Pororo is?”

You chuckled. “It’s an animated series about a penguin and his group of friends.”

“I’m a horrible father!”

Somehow, he sounded so disappointed in himself even though he tried to come forward with irony, and you could hear in his voice that this rooted deeper than just not knowing what Pororo was. You wondered whether this was usually the mother’s job and he had only been assigned to it because she currently didn’t have time or was abroad. But you thought that was no biggy.

“There is a stationary store just right down the street, they have Pororo stuff,” you recommended.

“You, Y/N, are my hero!”

This time, you both laughed as you joined the other parents in front of the building who were waiting to pick up their kids. Only a short moment later, the entry door opened and outside stormed a bunch of happy children.

“Mommy!”

Your daughter stood in front of you with the brightest smile on her face. With pride, you patted her head. “How did your first day go, Jeni?”

“Amazing, mommy! I made a new friend, her name is Byeol!”

“That’s amazing, dear!”

You and Jaehyun had quickly lost sight of each other, but you were sure you would see each other again.

_____

Byeol looked into the bathroom mirror and inspected her hair. She had unclasped the butterfly clip the day before because she felt insecure as it was something so new to her. But today, she felt confident enough to wear it.

“How do I look, mommy?” Byeol asked and waited. “Thank you, mommy.”

With a smile, she hopped from the stool and entered the kitchen where her father had already prepared the breakfast table.

Three bowls and three spoons as usual.

“Which cereal does your mom want for breakfast today, Byeol?”

“Today, choco krispies, daddy.”

“Alright.”

Jaehyun filled one bowl with choco krispies and the other two with fruit loops as it was his and his daughter’s all time favorite.

As they sat down together, he noticed the pink butterfly clip in his daughter’s hair. “Where did you get that from?”

“It’s from my friend Jeni, the girl I told you about yesterday. She gifted it to me.”

“Ah, I remember. It’s cute.”

“Thanks, daddy.”

Jaehyun wondered whether such hair clips were what all girls her age were now wearing.

Between his job, chores and his child, he barely had time for himself let alone to get updated with everything a little girl could be interested in nowadays. Probably also because he didn’t hold much interest in keeping up to date with fashion, hair and all this stuff, which was why his daughter was usually wearing what he came across when running errands.

Now that Byeol was growing up, interacting with other girls and developing interests in female stuff, Jaehyun wondered whether he had to change his way of thinking. He just didn’t know where to start as they lacked a female part in their family.

“Here.”

With much care, he put the Pororo crayons on the table, and immediately, his daughter’s eyes lightened up.

“That’s Pororo! And the newest crayons on top of that! Thank you so much, daddy!” Shifting around, she talked to the other, in Jaehyun’s eyes, empty chair, “Look, mommy!”

She reached for the crayon package and put it into her backpack, but not without giving her father a tight before that he returned with the same love and passion.

Jaehyun was aware that he lacked a lot of things as a single parent.

The summarized things mentioned above were only the tip of the iceberg. But Byeol had grown up knowing she was different from all the others with only having her father at such a young age, yet she had never held it against him when she had noticed things such as not having the newest clothes as she knew that he always gave his best.

She was a very humble and down to earth person, despite her young age.

But Byeol had her own mechanism to cope with mother’s death that had been extracted with time.

When one day, she had started to tell him things about her deceased mother, Jaehyun let it slip, assuming it was just a phase. Not much later, when she started demanding a plate for her mother during dinner and talked to her whenever she felt safe, Jaehyun knew that was when she needed help. But the therapist was at her wit’s end after a few months and only told him that one day, all imaginary friends would vanish.

But this wasn’t a random imaginary friend. This was her mother she imagined talking to, eating with and sleeping with.

A part of her life.

____

“And your wife never picks her up?” a mother asked Jaehyun.

He was sick and tired of this question that accompanied him since Byeol’s time in kindergarten. Even leaving on his wedding ring didn’t save him from those nosy, equally single and married women who wanted to check on his true relationship status after not having encountered Byeol’s mother.

It wasn’t like he wasn’t interested in dating again. He was just stuck, and his ring prevented him from moving on. He just couldn’t just yet.

“She’s busy,” Jaehyun shrugged it off and walked away from the woman the moment he spotted a familiar face at the other side of the yard. “Thank god,” he only thought.

“Yes. I love you too,” you chatted into your phone as you hung up and turned around to find Jaehyun standing right in front of you. “Hi,” you greeted him.

“Hey. I hope I didn’t interrupt you.” He assumed that you had talked to your husband which was why he quickly regretted having walked up to you. Who else would you confess your love to anyway? He should have been more considerate of women, even though he hadn’t intensively interacted with one in so long.

With you, even though you had only gotten to know each other, he didn’t feel pressured to run away, because clearly, you were happily married, so there was no temptation that could possibly lure him to do things he regretted later on.

“No worries, the conversation was already over.”

“So, then maybe you can help me with something?”

“What’s up?”

“Those… things…” Jaehyun raised his arms and touched his hair. “Those colorful clips in different shapes little girls wear in their hair. Where do you mothers get them from? Are there certain shops that have always passed by me?”

This time, you didn’t chuckle but were quite confused. If he was married, wouldn’t the mother usually bring stuff for the daughter or go shopping with her? He looked so seriously helpless that you were not sure whether he was joking.

You didn’t know anything about Jaehyun’s life circumstances. His wife could be abroad or working at most times. They could even live in separation and it would still be none of your business.

You only saw a father who was struggling providing his daughter the stuff she was fancying, and you were more than willing to help him.

“Okay, Jaehyun. Do you have an hour to spare tomorrow before we pick up our kids?”

“Sure.”

“In COEX mall.”

“Alright.”

The bell rang and short moments later, the kids stormed out. You spotted Jeni at the other side of the yard.

“There’s my daughter. See you tomorrow, Jaehyun!”

“See you!”

As you reached your daughter, she was already wearing that look on her face. You knew exactly what that look meant. She got that from her father.

“What is that you want, Jeni?”

“So, I told you about my new friend Byeol, right, mommy?”

You laughed. “Every day since you two met.”

“I invited her to play at my house today, because she doesn’t have the newest barbies. Can she, mommy? Pretty please?”

You patted your daughter’s head. “Where is she? I should talk to her parents first.”

If Jeni had made new friends, you wouldn’t want to spoil that experience for her.

She hadn’t had it easy in kindergarten ever since her begetter left town after she was born. While all the other children’s parents came in pairs, Byeol had always come with her mother only, and that made her a target.

To protect your daughter from mockery and more isolation, you decided to buy a fake wedding ring that should also shield you from the judgy eyes of the parents, to avoid the stigma of being a single parent.

“She already went to ask her dad. See? There she is!”

From the corner of your eyes, in the crowd of the parents and children, you perceived Jaehyun leaving the school, but you didn’t quite see the little girl that was supposed to be with him, even though you were curious about what his daughter looked like.

“Jeni, my daddy said yes! Hello Y/N.”

A little girl just as small as your own daughter, suddenly popped up in front of you. She bowed deeply at you and wore a rather shy look.

“That’s Byeol, mommy!”

“Nice to meet you, Byeol. Your daddy agreed, yes?”

“Yes. Here is his number in case you need it as he had to leave already.” She gave you a piece of paper. “He’ll pick me up at 7 later. I gave him your address as well.”

“Wow, you girls have planned this out so thoroughly! Then let’s go!”

You lived in a house with your parents who were helping you with the upbringing of your daughter. You owed everything to them as you surely wouldn’t have been able to finish your university degree in law without their help while a baby was on its way.

“Mom, we’re home! Jeni, show Byeol your room!”

“Sure! Come with me, Byeol!”

“Did you bring what I asked you for?” your mother questioned when you entered the kitchen.

You stopped in your tracks, realization kicking in. “I’m so sorry, mom! We finished talking, I said I love you, and then Jaehyun walked up to me, and… I just forgot!”

Your mother laughed. “No worries. I think I can cook that recipe without peppers. Who’s Jaehyun? Someone who finally piqued your interest?”

You rolled your eyes, but grinned. “He’s married, mom, and he’s a dad from Jeni’s elementary school. Besides… no one wants a single mom.”

“That’s nonsense, Y/N, and you know it.”

Tired of being on the verge of leading this discussion again, you said goodbye to her, left the kitchen and stepped into the living room where you flopped down on your chair in front of the desk and started working again.

Before dinner, the girls called you upstairs to play dress up with, and you couldn’t say no.

“Let’s see what we have here,” you muttered to yourself as you opened your makeup case and immediately, Byeol’s eyes were fixated on the many colours in the palette.

“Whoa!” she exclaimed. “What’s that?”

“Makeup,” you explained nonchalantly. “Haven’t you seen this with your mom yet?”

“My mommy isn’t… alive.”

You froze. In the way your daughter continued fiddling with the makeup brushes, you figured that this wasn’t news to her. But you were taken by surprise and didn’t quite know how to properly react.

“But that’s okay, because my mommy is still with me,” Byeol continued. “She’s sitting on Jeni’s bed, see?”

Byeol pointed at the other side of the room, and from the tone she used while speaking, you knew that she was being dead serious. So you decided that you would react as she was wishing for: totally normal.

“Ah yes. Nice to meet you, Byeol’s mom. Does your mom also want a bit of makeup, Byeol?”

She shook her head. “No, but she likes to watch.”

“Sure.”

You dipped the brush that you had picked up into pink powder and gently tinted Byeol’s cheek on each side of her face. She was looking at you with big eyes while you smiled at her during the process.

“You are really beautiful.”

“Thank you, Byeol.” Cheekily, you tapped the brush on her nose and she let out a chuckle. “You are even more beautiful.”

“My daddy always says I look like my mom.”

“And your mom is really beautiful as well.”

____

Jaehyun stood in front of the house, inspecting it from the ground floor to the roof. It was quite a contrast to the apartment building in which he was living with his daughter, and he had thought quite a lot about moving, but he wasn’t able to yet financially.

After having rung the bell, he waited patiently until the door opened in front of him and a familiar face peeked out from the inside.

“Y/N! You’re Jeni’s mom?”

“And you’re Byeol’s father, Jaehyun? What a coincidence!”

Now, it dawned on you.

Byeol seemed out of touch with the world of girls her age just like you, because your wife was dead. And there were certain things fathers couldn’t teach or show their daughters, no matter how hard they tried. Some things were only left to moms.

“Daddy!” Byeol came running out of the living room and greeted her father by the door. “I quickly put on my shoes and then we can go!”

“So… you’re still up for tomorrow?” you asked Jaehyun.

“Of course,” he confirmed. “Byeol has been talking nonstop about Jeni since their first day, by the way.”

“Same applies to Jeni. These two really found each other, it seems. It’s funny that, out of all the people, we started talking to each other as well.”

Since your daughters had quickly become friends, it didn’t wonder you much why you had felt a connection to each other from the very first moment as well.

When Byeol and Jaehyun were sitting inside his car shortly after, she couldn’t stop blabbering about how her day went. Jaehyun had never seen her so excited before. It had also been the first time that she had been invited over to someone’s house.

“Jeni has so many dolls and we played with all of them, daddy! And then, her mommy came up to us and helped us dress up as princesses! She even allowed us to use her lipstick, but we cleaned it off before dinner already. That was cooked by her granny, by the way! She lives with her mommy and her grandparents there and someone is always home. They made kimbap!”

“I’m happy that you had so much fun, Byeol. Did your mommy have fun too?”

That was a usual question Jaehyun asked as he knew her imaginary mother accompanied Byeol everywhere, and he didn’t want to make her feel as though he disregarded her own coping mechanisms.

But Byeol kept quiet.

“Dear? Is everything okay?”

“I… forgot her,” she only brought out.

“What?” Jaehyun was confused.

“I forgot her. I forgot mommy! She accompanied me to Jeni’s house, but I forgot her there! That never happened before!”

Even though Jaehyun couldn’t see her from the driver’s seat, he could hear how her voice became unstable, shakier, until she started crying.

“Okay, honey, no worries, I’ll drive back to Jeni’s house and we’ll get your mommy, alright?”

In the rear window, Jaehyun saw her nodding and took the next U-turn back.

Byeol had had so much fun that she had simply forgotten about her imaginary mother. She was afraid that one day, she would forget about her entirely and that on that day, she would simply disappear.

That could never happen.

“Please, don’t ask,” Jaehyun told you when you opened your door.

“Mommy!” Byeol stormed past you into the house and you were left alone with Jaehyun by the door.

“I know,” you confessed. “She told me today.”

“Oh… alright.”

The way he suddenly changed to behaving so uncomfortably indicated to you that this was a highly sensitive topic to him that he didn’t want to discuss with you in passing.

Everyone needed their own time to cope with grief, and Jaehyun clearly wasn’t out of his phase and over his wife’s death yet.

The ring on his finger was proof enough to you.

____

“What’s this even?” Jaehyun asked the week after as you came to a halt in front of a children’s clothing store in the mall.

Somehow, your schedule to follow through with your shopping trip hadn’t matched up the planned day, so you rescheduled to the week after when Byeol was at your place again and your mother volunteered to take care of her and Jeni after school.

But the short interactions between Jaehyun and you before picking up your daughters had remained on the days where it was your turn. And somehow, you started to look forward to them.

“That’s a tutu.”

“Do elementary school girls wear something like this?”

“Only to ballett and if they want to be special. Now come in, we want to buy a few hair clips for Byeol.”

Jaehyun was quite impressed and simultaneously intimidated by the stuff they were offering to children nowadays. He was a rather practical person, which was why he had never paid much attention to colours or cuts, but he now knew that these things became important to his daughter, so he wanted to change his way of thinking.

Jaehyun was also very relieved that you hadn’t broached the topic of his deceased wife yet. Whether it rooted from your sympathetic nature or no care attitude, he was thankful for your discretion one way or another.

“What’s your daughter’s favorite colour?”

“It’s…” Jaehyun paused. “I… don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? Which colour does she use the most when painting? What shirt colour does she like to wear the most?”

“I rarely see her paintings. And I only bring her clothes I find while grocery shopping or so. Whatever is cheap and practical since children grow out of clothes fast and get them dirty all the time.”

“Oh...”

“Is it bad?” He sounded worried, but you immediately shook your head.

“If it works for you, you shouldn’t worry about that.”

“I’m only worried that it’s… not enough. And she knows that I cannot provide her more, because I’m just… a father. Not a mother. Or both in one person, even though I try my best to do so.”

“That’s okay, Jaehyun,” you told him as you wandered through the aisles. “You don’t have to fulfill both roles. But you also shouldn’t just overlook your daughter’s desires. Even if she doesn’t voice them out yet, try to pay attention to random things she drops. I’m sure you’ll make her even happier like that.”

Your words sounded very comforting to him, so he smiled while he followed you through the aisles.

In the end, you chose a light blue skirt with volants, a cute, white blouse and a pack of colorful clips as well as a new backpack for Byeol. You had recommended Jaehyun to choose neutral colours first as you find the typical pink way too over the top in case this wasn’t Byeol’s taste.

From the way he nervously held onto the steering wheel while driving to your house, you could see that Jaehyun was quite tense.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m sure Byeol will like it.” And carefully, you added. “And her mom as well.”

“Do you think it’s alarming?” he then asked you, apparently having decided to want another person’s insight, that’s how much he trusted you already. “For her to have an imaginary friend. I mean… she barely doesn’t remember her mother herself, mostly from photos. Yet, she often talks to her, takes her everywhere and treats her like a real person which made her a target in kindergarten.”

“If she’s a target now, I’m sure Jeni will handle the bullies. In our house, we treat her and her mother as everyone else, we’ve adapted to it. And no, it’s not alarming. It’s just her way of coping. When growing up, imaginary friends vanish. Until then, no one should disregard her feelings and always take her seriously. That’s very important.”

“That’s what the therapist said as well.” Jaehyun breathed out audibly. “I’m just afraid that it will break her heart when one day, it happens that she realizes her mother disappeared.”

You didn’t know what to answer to that as he was most likely right.

“What… happened?” you then brought over to ask. A question that had been on your tongue for way too long, but you just felt that the timing was right now. “To your wife, I mean.”

“Pneumonia. She succumbed to the chronical illness after a long battle in the hospital. Byeol was only three years old.”

“My condolences. I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t easy on you as a single father with a young daughter, I assume.”

“Thank you. And no. My parents don’t live in the same city and I work as much as I can to make ends meet. Sometimes, it’s very hard, yet I try to provide Byeol everything she needs. But even I cannot grasp everything.”

For you, who had experienced her parents’ full support throughout everything, you couldn’t fathom the ups and downs Jaehyun had been put through. Nobody could hold it against him that he made mistakes. Everyone did.

“If you ever need help, I’m here, okay?”

He only nodded, yet you still felt that he wholeheartedly accepted your offer.

Jaehyun didn’t have many friends as he didn’t have much time left for himself, and most of his acquaintances were still in their party and single life phase. Having someone with the same routine and time schedule as him, for the first time since his wife’s death, he felt that he was being truly understood.

“She was an absolute planned child though,” Jaehyun explained. “If I had known, I would still have gotten her.”

“And nothing else matters in the end,” you added.

That your own child was the result of a drunk college night with your now ex boyfriend who had left you, you kept to yourself. That was what your ring was for.

In the end, you thought that for Jaehyun, it didn’t matter anyway as he was still very much married to his deceased wife, even in his thoughts. Just like his daughter.

They hadn’t let go of her yet.

____

“We’re back!” you then announced when you and Jaehyun walked into your house. “Byeol, your daddy is here! And he has a present for you!”

“A present?!”

Byeol and Jeni came running down the stairs where Jaehyun was already waiting, with a bag in his hands.

“What is it, daddy?”

Byeol reached out her hands and he handed the bag over to her. “Just a little something for you.”

With hasty fingers, she opened the bag and suddenly, a bright smile mixed with surprise spread all over her face. “What’s that, daddy?” Byeol pulled out a set of clothing that had never been in her belongings before. And on top of that, a brand new backpack.

“Well…” Jaehyun got on his knees to face her. “I just thought you wanted more clothes girls your age wear. You have also grown out of your old backpack. And if you dig a little deeper, you will also find a few hair clips.”

‘“Thank you, daddy!” Without inspecting the presents further, Byeol dropped everything and instantly jumped into her father’s arms. “I love you so much, daddy!”

“Admittedly, Y/N helped me pick them out and told me what girls like. She was really awesome, so next time, your father won’t only come home with shorts and tees.”

“Thank you, Y/N!” Byeol also gave you a tight hug that you returned. “Can I try them on now, daddy?”

“Sure.”

“Come, Jeni!”

The two girls disappeared upstairs again and Jaehyun followed you to the living room where you sat down and chatted until it was time for the dinner your mother had prepared and you had invited the Jeong family to.

What Jaehyun noticed though was that there were a lot of photos put up - of you and Jeni and the family of course, a typical grandparents thing. But in none of these pictures did he spot a male person around your age. A quick look at your finger assured him that you were married nonetheless.

But where was your husband that you always said “I love you” to over the phone? Was he living abroad? Jaehyun couldn’t bring it over himself to ask though.

“Your mom can sit here,” you said as everyone came together for dinner.

You brought a stool close to the dining table where you had already prepared a place setting for Byeol’s imaginary mother.

“Thank you, Y/N!” Byeol said happily and from the corner of your eyes, you felt Jaehyun smiling at you as well.

And it somehow gave you pleasant goose gumps.

____

After elementary school, your two children had talked you into visiting the playground together, so you and Jaehyun were waiting by the ice cream truck while Jeni and Byeol discovered the monkey bars.

“How was she?” you asked Jaehyun. “Your wife. Only if I may ask! You don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable, you know.”

“We’ve gotten together in high school,” Jaehyun told you as you moved forward in the queue. “She was my first girlfriend. I loved her very much and Byeol completed our happiness. We saved up to buy a house together and probably move to the countryside. She loved the countryside. Overall, she was a very laid-back and calm person. Byeol probably has her personality from her. And her features as well.”

The way he spoke so fondly of her made you like his wife as well. Not the slightest trace of sadness resonated in his voice. It was like a happy memory he liked to think about every now and then.

“I think I would have liked her very much.”

“I think she would have liked you as well.”

As you got your ice cream, you seated yourselves on a bench where a group of mothers from the elementary school just happened to pass by. One of them was the woman who had tried to hit on Jaehyun in the beginning.

When she spotted you two, she directly checked you out from head to toe. Jaehyun knew what it must have looked like. You two were here with children and happened to both wear rings. She didn’t quite like what she saw, but Jaehyun wasn’t interested in clearing up the situation. This was exactly what the ring was for and the fact that you were also wearing one was only convenient to him.

“What is it?” you asked as Jaehyun suddenly stared at you.

“Chocolate is your favorite flavor you said?”

“Absolutely.”

“You cannot overlook that.”

“What do you mean?”

He laughed. “If you always look like this while eating chocolate ice cream, the baby wipes should be for you, not for Jeni.”

“Hey!” you defended yourself playfully. “That’s not true!”

The next thing Jaehyun felt was something cold in his face that then turned sticky. You laughed light-heartedly upon discovering his lips that were smeared with chocolate ice cream after you had smashed it into his face.

His shocked expression but then got quickly replaced with cheekiness. “Just you wait!”

You stood up and tried to run away, but Jaehyun was quick in holding you in place by your arm.

“Noooo!” you yelled, but it was too late as you already had his sticky vanilla ice cream all in your face.

To the other parents, you must have looked like crazy people. Or a couple totally in love.

“Mommy, what are you doing?”

It was only when your children stood in front of you that you both calmed down.

“Oh, we were just having an ice cream war,” you explained and Jaehyun laughed.

“Daddy, can we participate in the ice cream war?”

“Next time, honey. Our ice cream is all gone and look at us now!”

“I’ll go to the bathroom to clean myself up,” you announced.

“I have to go to the bathroom too,” Byeol said.

Jaehyun nodded. “Okay dear, I’ll take you there.”

“I want to go with Y/N,” she protested vehemently.

A look at you, and you confirmed that it was okay for you to go with his daughter. “Come with me, Byeol.”

“Can you buy me ice cream, Jaehyun?” Jeni then asked as you went away with Byeol.

“Sure. What’s your favorite flavor?”

“Chocolate!”

She raised her hand and grabbed Jaehyun’s. Pleasantly surprised, he squeezed it. “Just like your mother, huh. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s your father’s favorite flavour too.”

It was a nonchalant assumption that he dropped by passing without even quite realizing the background, but Jeni just shrugged.

“I don’t know what his favorite flavor is,” she stated dryly.

Jaehyun assumed that he was not the only one that came from a broken family, but that you were also carrying around quite a baggage you hadn’t been ready to talk about yet.

“What’s your favorite flavor, Jaehyun?”

“Vanilla.”

“That’s something I can remember.”

____

“Why don’t you go out with Byeol’s father?” your mother asked you when you gave yourself a last check in your mirror. “This Jaehyun guy is exceptionally handsome. Even I, as an old woman, can see it.”

“Because…” You closed your clutch. “He’s not over his wife's death yet. And he doesn’t know that I’m actually not married. I want to leave it like that.”

“So you do like him.”

“Please, mom! He’s still wearing his wedding ring. That says it all, right?”

“Those are only excuses you push towards him. What about you?”

You flattened your satin blouse and brushed the last lints from your skirt. “Mom, not now again.”

“Byeol said her daddy only wears the ring, because otherwise, different women would visit them. And Byeol doesn’t like this. So to prevent this, Jaehyun wears it.”

“Jeni!” You turned around. “What are you even talking about? And you should be in bed already!”

Your daughter jumped down the stairs into your direction. “But it’s true! There was a time, where Byeol saw different women entering and leaving their home, and she didn’t want it to happen anymore. So her father said ok, the ring would keep them away. And then her mommy came back. Do you think those women were witches or ghosts, mommy? Or why does the ring keep them away?”

“Alright, dear.” Your mother picked up Jeni from the ground. “I’ll bring you to bed.”

“But Byeol really likes you, mommy! That’s surely why the ring doesn't work with you!”

You gave your daughter a kiss on her forehead. “Goodnight, dear.”

The whole ride in the taxi to the bar where you would meet your date, you thought about Jeni’s words. It didn’t take you long to get to the gist of what she was trying to say through her imaginative string of thoughts:

Jaehyun wore his ring because he didn’t want women to come close to him since his daughter was still trying to cope with her mother’s death. Whether it was also convenient to him, whether he wanted this too or only did it for his daughter’s sake, you didn’t know.

Throughout your entire date, you couldn’t stop thinking about this.

“You don’t seem like you’re having much fun,” your date judged after a while.

“I’m sorry, my thoughts were just with my daughter who-”

You closed your hands over your mouth.

“You have children?”

This was your first date in years that your friend had arranged for you and you messed it up. Your motto was to open up about your family situation only later, to check out first how the guy’s opinion on family and children was, and now you blew it.

“Man, if I had known about this… A single mom...”

But lucky you, you only thought when you saw how his reaction unfolded. A guy who couldn’t handle your daughter definitely wasn’t worthy of your time as you only came in a pack.

“Yeah, I have a beautiful six year old daughter,” you declared. “And I’ll now go back to her as you’re only a waste of time. Good riddance.”

Except that you didn’t go home, but found yourself in front of Jaehyun’s apartment building instead. You had been here so often before to drop off Jeni, so why were you nervous now all of a sudden?

You rang the bell and didn’t expect Jaehyun to answer in the first place as it was already past midnight, even though Byeol was with her grandparents in Incheon for the weekend. But he did.

“Who’s there?”

“It’s Y/N.”

You had already opened your mouth again to explain to him why you were here, but Jaehyun didn’t ask. Wordless, he let you in. When you reached the right floor, he was already peeking out of his door.

“Did something happen?” he asked when you entered his flat.

Dressed only in pajama shorts and a white t-shirt, you followed him to the couch in the living room. You had visited him almost weekly, but without the childish laughter of your children around you, it suddenly dawned on you that this was the apartment of a single man, and that you were alone with him in here.

“I brought wine.” You held the bottle up in the air.

“Okay, something did happen. Tell me about it.”

Jaehyun seated himself next to you with two glasses as you opened the bottle and filled the glasses almost to the very top.

“Why is it that single moms have to live with such a stigma?” you whined and took the first sip at the same time as Jaehyun. “The mothers in kindergarten, now in elementary school… Even men avoid me as soon as I confess that I’m a single mom. That’s just not fair.”

“Wait…” Jaehyun had problems following you. “What do you mean that you’re a single mom?”

“I’m a single mom.”

“But you’re wearing a-” He tilted his head to where your ring was supposed to be, but then noticed that it wasn’t in its usual place. The finger was empty. “Your ring…”

“It’s a fake ring.”

“And Jeni’s father?” Jaehyun knew that this question was probably worded a bit clumsily, but he needed to know right now. Suddenly, it somehow all fell together, even what Jeni had said to him by the playground.

“Was my ex boyfriend from university. In comparison to Byeol, Jeni wasn’t a planned child. The father was just as shocked as me and left not too long after. They still see each other sometimes, but she doesn’t quite see him as a father figure and he’s not really interested in being one either.”

“So you’ve never been married and still are not.”

You were puzzled why, out of all the things you just confessed, he was focusing only on the fact that you weren’t taken, and had never been. But then again… Jaehyun was a father himself. If someone wouldn’t judge you, then it was him.

“I’m sorry that I made you think I was married,” you apologized. “I just thought it wasn’t… relevant.”

“Why shouldn’t it be?” he asked.

“Because…” You didn’t know whether it was the first effects of the wine, but you suddenly started sweating in nervousness. Why even?

Why even? Was also a question Jaehyun asked himself.

The revealed fact shouldn’t stir something inside him. Honestly, it should be absolutely irrelevant to him. You were the mother of his daughter’s best friend. Yet, this new information lifted a veil from his eyes and it was like, for the very first time in so long, he was able to see clearly again.

And what he saw was a woman he had so much fun with, provided him with necessary tips for his daughter’s upbringing and didn’t judge him as a single father.

But above all, also a woman who suddenly had become desirable to him.

“Because,” Jaehyun whispered your words in repeat as he slid closer to you, and you didn’t withdraw. “It was the only thing that held me back from doing this.”

You hadn’t kissed someone in such a long time. You didn’t know how it felt anymore to kiss a man. But when Jaehyun kissed you, it was like you had been dead this entire time and were only brought back to life now.

Always, you had only been a mother. By daytime, you were a mother. In everyone else’s eyes, you were a mother. For once, you wanted to be a woman, and Jaehyun made you feel like a woman at this very moment.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, and without having to part your lips, Jaehyun grabbed you by your buttocks and arose from the couch. He found the way into his bedroom with only one eye open where he gently placed you onto the mattress.

Jaehyun’s lips didn’t stay on yours for too much longer. They were caressing the side of your neck shortly after, and you let out soft mewls as they wandered even further down to your cleavage. Every inch of your body that he passed by was burning and craved to be touched only for a bit longer.

Your fingers entangled in his hair as Jaehyun undid your blouse and out sprung your breasts that you hadn’t hidden in a bra today. Licking over his lips, he took them into his hands and squeezed the mounds that felt so full in his warm palms. The way his fingers then played with your nipples made you squeeze your thighs together and angle your back into his direction.

Whether it was because he was so good at touching the right spots or because your body had gotten so sensitive with the lack of attention, you didn’t know. But you sensed that Jaehyun was on the same page as you felt his erection pressing between your thighs as he laid himself on top of you.

Opening your blouse fully, you helped him get rid of it, then of his own t-shirt. But instead of falling back on the bed, you turned Jaehyun around so that he was the one lying down now.

“What?” he only wondered when you tugged on the waistband of his pajama pants. And then, he grinned and gladly let you do so.

His erection slapped back against his navel as you pulled down his pants, and he helped you strip it from his feet so that he was lying naked in front of you.

While Jaehyun was still anticipating what was about to come next, you seated yourself on his lower hip with his length in between your opening. Bending down, you kissed him on his lips first, but when his grip entangled in your hair in a spur of passion, you trailed your kisses down along his prominent chest until you reached his navel with your mouth.

Jaehyun’s dick twitched against your entrance, and you too now couldn’t await your full joining anymore. Still dressed in your skirt - which Jaehyun found utterly sexy beyond words - he helped you lift yourself up by your thighs and directed you to his tip on which he then slowly let you sink down on.

You grimaced at the pain with which he passed through your opening, a sharp and burning grind that was usual to experience when you hadn’t been with someone in so long, but to your dismay, Jaehyun could directly look into his face and the pain didn’t pass by him as well.

He stretched out his hand and placed it on your cheek. “Everything alright? We can stop if it hurts.”

You shook your head and placed your own hand on top of his. “I’m getting used to it.”

“Take it slow.”

You felt Jaehyun’s thumb softly brush over your skin and somehow, it added something so lovingly to this act that it made your heart flutter.

Cautiously, when you thought you had adjusted to his length, you began moving. Jaehyun was throbbing heavily inside you, and you weren’t able to remember that this position hit you so deeply. You felt his thickness intensely when you moved your hips in circular motions, gyrating them against his.

To get a steady hold, you put your hands on his chest as you gently rolled your hips against his pelvis, feeling him reach parts inside of you that pleasured you sweetly. Aspiring to chase after this pleasure, you changed your motions and decided to lift your hips and slam them back down on him again.

The first time you did this, you both moaned and Jaehyun buried his fingers deep into your ass cheeks. You threw your head back in satisfaction as you repeated the motion until you were screaming so loudly that you couldn’t hear Jaehyun and your slaps against his body anymore.

Sweat ran down your neck as it took you much strength. It collected in your cleavage between your breasts and rolled down your stomach until it disappeared in your skirt. You were so close to cumming, but you had totally run out of breath, and that was Jaehyun’s cue.

“My turn now?”

Being only able to nod, he flipped you around onto your stomach. Pulling your skirt up to reveal the full sight of your bum to him, Jaehyun gave you a hard slap against your cheek that made you scream but simultaneously crave for more.

Collection your hands by your back, he took them into his and pushed himself inside you from behind. Holding you by your arms and having brought up your hips to meet his angle better, he mercilessly and kind of desperately rammed into you with a steady rhythm so fast that you gave up counting how many pushes it took for him to bring you over the edge.

Your face was buried in the pillow, sliding along the sheets whenever he moved back and forth, but to let him hear what he did to you, you turned your face aside and screamed from the top of your lungs the moment your orgasm hit you like a wave a desert.

That was exactly how you felt. A moment two contrasts so great hitting each other, the joining was beyond words. You swore that you saw stars that moment.

Jaehyun came in long spurts all over the sheets only shortly after you while still holding onto you tightly.

He had slept with many women after his wife’s death to move past this tragedy, but none had ever made him feel the way you did. Suddenly, you weren’t just Jeni’s mother for him anymore. He wanted to take you again and again as he had seemingly forgotten how not only passionate and fun, but also enjoyable sex could be again.

Jaehyun had only felt this way with his wife.

And suddenly, he felt so guilty - for having actual feelings again. Even though he had seen it coming at some point, now that he truly felt it again, it scared him that he was actually moving on by himself.

He wasn’t sure anymore whether he was ready.

The ring on his finger felt like it had burnt itself into his skin.

____

When you woke up the next morning, Jaehyun wasn’t lying next to you anymore.

Looking out of the window, you noted that it was already shortly before midday. You quickly collected your clothes that had been thrown to the bed’s side, dressed yourself and walked into the living where Jaehyun had already tidied up everything from last night.

“Good morning,” you greeted him.

“Morning,” he greeted back and approached you. Not wanting to make it awkward, he came straight to the point. “Last night was a mistake.”

You froze, totally bewildered. “What?”

“When my wife died… around two years after, I tried dating again. I knew she wanted it that way, for me to move on and continue living. But it scared Byeol to see other women here apart from her mom. That’s when she started imagining her. We’re both stuck and I cannot leave her behind. I know my feelings for my wife will never change, and I also know that I cannot live in the past forever. For now though, I must. For Byeol.”

“Okay.” You agreed. “This, I understand.”

What Jaehyun didn’t tell you was that he was scared. Of falling again. Of loving again. How was it possible that his wife had been his true love when he started to feel the same with another person again?

He couldn’t wrap his head around it.

“I cannot start dating again before Byeol moves on herself. I’m sorry.”

“Mmhm.”

Somehow, this had gotten extremely awkward for you as it felt like a direct rejection, even though you hadn’t even approached him that way. Even though now, you desperately wanted to.

That’s when you knew you had to leave. Abruptly, you turned around, shifting your back to him. “I’m sorry, it was a bad idea to come here, to do this.”

“I-” Jaehyun stuttered. “Even though I want to. I’m just… not there yet.”

You only let out a saddened, “I’m sorry, I won’t only be your bed bunny, Jaehyun.”

“Y/N, I didn’t mean it like that!”

But you were already out of the door.

____

You still didn’t speak to Jaehyun, not even when he dropped Byeol off for a sleepover the weekend after. Instead of picking Jeni up yourself from elementary school, you sent your mom and closed the door in front of Jaehyun’s nose with only a “goodbye” whenever he came around.

“My father is so sad lately,” you then heard Byeol whisper when you came up the stairs to Jeni’s room later that night.

Wanting to listen, you stopped by the door.

“I hear him constantly speaking to your mom on the phone, but she doesn’t seem to answer.” You vaguely remembered that you hadn’t opened any of Jaehyun’s voice messages yet. “Do you think they could have gotten into an argument?”

“Is it because of the ring that he is wearing? The one that makes women go away?”

“I don’t think so! It only makes bad women go away. Your mommy is a good woman. I want her to be around me and my daddy. He is much happier with her. But she seems like she doesn’t want to be with him anymore lately. That makes me sad.”

“Yeah, me too,” you listened to your daughter’s soft voice. “I like your dad too, but he rarely stays now.”

It caused you a bad conscience that you were listening to such an intimate talk, so you decided to interrupt the two of them.

“Hey girls. Ready for bed yet?”

“Yes, mommy.”

You walked over to your daughter’s bed and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Then kneeling next to the mattress on the ground, you gave Byeol a gentle kiss on her forehead. An urge made you stroke her cheek and hair.

“Y/N,” Byeol then spoke to you. “My daddy is much happier when you’re around. Can you please make him happy again? He’s so sad lately, because you’re not there anymore.”

“Byeol… there are many things children don’t understand that’s happening between adults. It’s... not that easy sometimes.”

You couldn’t be mad at Jaehyun. If it was your daughter, you would’ve done the same, you now totally understood why he had to draw a line. After Byeol’s words, you were also able to look through his facade to come to the conclusion that old feelings towards his wife were also still in the cards.

But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t feeling something for you.

He just wasn’t there yet.

And that was totally fine, you wouldn’t hold it against him anymore. When the timing and your feelings were right, you would get your chance again.

____

“How do you like the new clothes I bought for you?” Jaehyun asked Byeol. “Ready for the park?”

She was wearing a bright yellow dress and a straw hat. Jaehyun knew that he was only making progress with her as he had gotten help from you, and it saddened him very much that you were still mad at him. Justifiably.

He didn’t regret the night. Admittedly, he wanted to experience more. But it was true that his daughter came first. And his own wellbeing after such a tragedy had struck, he needed to come clear with himself first. If anyone would understand, then it was you. His many voice messages to you told you exactly that.

And if Jaehyun had looked at his phone that afternoon, he would have also seen that you had listened to all of them and were trying to reach out to him again after weeks of radio silence. But he didn’t yet.

“Daddy, I don’t think I want to go to the park today.”

“So? Where to then?”

“I want to visit mommy.”

“But she’s here right now, right?”

Byeol stared at you. “I want to visit mommy’s grave.”

She had never used this wording before which was why Jaehyun was kind of perplexed, but he took her there nonetheless. Together, they visited the grave only on his wife’s death day since Byeol had her imaginary friend.

Alone, he came here much more often, but his visits had shortened. In the beginning, he had talked to her the entire day. Then, during the second year, he stood there for an hour. In the third, Jaehyun brought flowers and left after ten minutes. Now, he was so occupied with many things that he only found a few minutes to spare.

After arriving by the cemetery, Jaehyun and Byeol stood in front of his deceased wife’s grave on a warm summer afternoon - a great contrast to the day of her funeral.

“Mommy says that she won’t be around here that often anymore, daddy.”

Jaehyun let his gaze fall upon his daughter whose hand he was holding. “What?”

“Mommy has gotten very busy and cannot accompany me everywhere anymore. She will remain here. When we want to talk to her, we can come here. She always senses when one of us is coming, so she’ll descend here and listen to us. But she cannot follow me around anymore, daddy.”

Jaehyun didn’t know what to say. He had expected the moment his daughter let go of her mother would be linked to tears and much screaming when realization hit. Or that she’d suddenly stop mentioning her, having her vinish little by little.

But instead, his daughter opened up to him here and now that she was letting go.

And moving on.

“Mommy wants us both to be happy, daddy. She doesn’t want to be in the way.”

“Oh dear…” Jaehyun sank to his knees and cupped his daughter’s face. “Your mommy is never in the way. She knows that we love her deeply and will always continue loving her, no matter what happens and who’ll enter our lives. Your mommy will always be a part of it.”

At once, Byeol slung her arms around her father and started crying. “I-I don’t... want mommy to dis- dis… appear.”

With much compassion, Jaehyun hugged her back. “She won’t ever disappear. She'll always be here. See?” Tenderly, he pushed her backwards and pointed at her heart. With her fist, Byeol rubbed over her eyes. “In your heart. In mine. And in everyone else’s she was a part of.”

“C-can… can we visit her often?” she sobbed.

“As often as you want.”

“Can… can Y/N be with us instead of mommy?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want Y/N to be invisible to everyone else like my mommy. But you now treat her like she’s invisible. And one day, she’ll disappear too. Like mommy. I don’t want that.”

“Oh dear…” Jaehyun smiled slightly and wiped his daughter’s tears away. “This time, I won’t make someone you love disappear. I promise.”

Again, Byeol fell into Jaehyun’s arms.

Where she had been the one comforting him during the funeral, he was the one comforting her now three years later. She cried her eyes out as she was letting go of her beloved mother.

And that was totally fine. Everyone needed their own time to grieve, their own way to grieve. And then, they could move on.

Jaehyun felt his wife smiling at them from above.

He wasn’t stuck anymore.