my reflection shows only your face

#did you know that you’re the most evil person i’ve ever met in my whole entire life and i hate you?

#u keep reminding me i need a testimonies page#like a full half of them would probably just be you saying i’m evil and you hate me but like#i need it#anyway this scene is THE MOST#tv: no fate but what we make#thomas and stephanie do such a good job in it and just… joooohn….#s2’s play with John Connor comma capital J capital C is so good#the push and pull of ‘baum is just a name’ but still playing at being baum at being just a teen sometimes (riley and mexico)#bc he is Having A Time and being a teen with the weight of the world on your soldiers is hard before you add him killing a man#and how every attempt he makes at not being John Connor fails miserably bc *drum roll* he is john connor#and all of that versus Future John and THAT disconnect in his head#'future john doesn’t live here. you do.’#i think this is kinda when he realizes that himself?#like not only is he john connor and it’s inescapable but… like he tries to play at being John Connor the same way he plays at baum#and it doesn’t work bc he IS john connor and uh… he fucked this one up…#he keeps trying to play at these things but he’s just himself#he’s just a teenager (clever and good but a kid)#and john connor–past or present–isn’t infallible#and i just… i’m forever sad i don’t get a third season#i want my future where john’s name doesn’t mean anything where the world isn’t on his shoulders alone#to deconstruct the boy messiah both in general and bc how could it be anything but crippling for him#also i’m losing steam and out of space here BUT jesse and john as foils#'or maybe i wanted to *win*’ oof who else do we have who’s here to win?#all the different ways they mirror each other and their relationships with riley and derek#and what she does vs his insistence that human beings can’t be replaced (but the dissonance between that and how she and other see him)#what was my point here idk i’m out of space i’ll stop