Jules

Closest match: Trionyx triunguis genome assembly, chromosome: 20 Common name: African Softshell Turtle

"This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."

apparently he (who through my drunken memory I remember only as Earl) liked some woman, and she told him that he wasn't cultured enough and needed to attend his first drag show (she also flaked on him)

Now I'm reasonably androgynous and was wearing makeup, a short leather skirt, and black heeled boots, but still when this guy came up to me when I was standing off alone and asked "So. Do you come here often?" with a very earnest expression, I thought. Surely not. This guy doesn't think I'm a straight woman does he????

Anyway I start talking with this guy and he has no idea what the fuck is going on but he is just a very kind and earnest dude and asked a lot of questions (while asking if it was alright if he asked those questions). I track down my husband and friends and I'm like y'all. We need to make sure that Earl has a Good Fucking Time tonight.

Man was completely out of his depth. At one point they put on a puppy auction to raise money for Pride, that started with a 6 ft drag queen in all her glory leading a leather pup out on a leash to the tune of that damned RSPCA "in the arms of the angels" song

We look at Earl. Nervous. He squints, laughs, and then goes "I was wondering why people were dressed like that!" He turned to me and asked "So they're like dogs?" And I said yeah pretty much. And he just chuckled and went "Yeah I thought so with the tails! Never seen this before!"

When the first drag king came out, Earl looked at me wide eyed and went "There's a dude version too?!" And I said yeah they're called drag kings. And he said, low, "Drag kings."

During one of the queens performances, he frowned, shook his head and told me, "Your legs are better than hers." in a tone that implied he thought there was some travesty taking place and I should also be getting paid

When he found out I was there with my husband (and that I am not a woman) he profusely apologized and said "I'm so sorry, it's dark in here and I thought you were a hot chick! I wouldn't have said nothing if I knew you had a husband, I'm so sorry about that."

When beemovie invited me to the dance floor with him later and I still had a drink in my hand, Earl said "Oh don't worry about that I can hold your drink, you get on out there and shake your ass with your husband!" Then before we left, Earl bought me drinks for "Putting up with me all night and answering everything. Y'all helped me have a great time tonight."

like. You gotta recognize there's going to people who have never had interacted outside of their of their own community. This includes you. And just because your community is familiar with all the right vocabulary and how to correctly say something, it doesn't mean they're actually going to support you. If someone like Earl shows up, confused and out of their depth but kind and curious and earnest, you gotta have patience and truck through the small things, so when he goes back to his friends and his coworkers and they snicker asking how the drag show was, he can genuinely talk about how included we tried to make him feel and that he had a great time

poor guy

Imagine oxygen being to aliens what chlorine gas is to us.

Human: We're finally here!! The planet we've been looking for 2 million light-years!

Alien: *talking into earpiece* I still don't know why the human captain wanted to come here of all planets- wait- don't take off your helmet!! *closes their eyes*

Human: *takes off helmet and breathes in the fresh oxygen* Oh wow. So this is the fresh air our ancestors breathed when the Earth was still a young one.

Alien: *slowly peaks with one eye, scared* Y-you're not dying?

Human: Yeah, I'm not. Why would you think-

Alien: *trembling* Because this planet is filled with...oxygen

Human: Yeah, I know. That's why we came here in the first place!

Alien: Y-you can breathe this poisonous gas?

Human: Not only that, we need it to survive

Alien: Oh damn, I can't imagine someone breathing any gas other than chlorine-

Human: CHLORINE!? THE SWIMMING POOL THING!?

———

Alien: "Ah- Human. What are you doing?"

Human: "Trying to understand why in your planet, water is toxic to you guys by figuring out how your cells are made of and the universal properties of your planet."

Alien: "Ah- so...why do you want to know, again?"

Human: *shrugs* quite a good question...we've been trying to figure that out.

Alien: What!? You want to figure out why you want to figure things out?

Human: Yes?

Alien: And- and how do you plan on doing so?

Human: Some humans before they die, consent to providing their body for scientific research. So using their brains?

Alien: You- you are prepared to cut off another fellow human's brain to simply figure out why you guys want to find out why things work the way they do?

Human: ...yes. and, if any of your alien friends are interested would they be willing to donate-

Many studies have shown that even we humans can recognize faces better if they are of our own race. And similar to how we find it harder to differentiate between two pigeons unless completely used to the pigeon, what if aliens couldn't differentiate faces of humans?

Alien: Human, get over here and fix this engine.

Human: Who, me?

Alien: Yes, you. You built it.

Human: Uh, no. I did NOT build that monster of a machine. I am not an engineer of any sort.

Alien: What do you- You said you would fix this yester-

Human 2: Hey guys, here to fix the engine.

Alien: ...

Human: ... really? we look nothing alike.

Alien: You both don't have tails.

Human: No human has tails.

Alien: Right...*turns to human 2* human, remind me to buy a collar and tag for you next time, with your name and my contact system address.

Human 2: What no- I am not your dog-

Alien: I'll buy you food on our way back to the space pod.

Alien: I found this absolute hazardous material in your home planet and I am quite scared for how to dispose of it.

Human: Oh dear, what is it? Maybe I'd know what to do. Uranium? Mercury?

Alien: Uh...I'm not sure but my fellow crewmate tried to inhale it and...they started coughing a lot and their eyes became irritated and I can't even imagine what would have happened if they put it in their mouth.

Human: Oh...um, can you show me?

Alien: *brings out the hazardous material in a glass, secure container*

Human: That's...that's a freaking pepper.

Alien: You know what it is? Now tell me, how do we dispose of it?

Human: Y-you don't dispose it! You eat it!!

Alien: ...what.

Human: *opens container and starts biting into it to show the alien and starts enjoying the snack half-way* ooh, that's gooooodddd *tears running down their cheeks*

Alien: What are you doing?

Human: Oh, I’m just feeding my fish.

A: Sorry?

H: Yeah, I love fishes so I keep them in this tank suited for the conditions they need to survive.

A: I see…

Human’s spouse: Honey, I made your favourite trout for dinner.

Alien: Y-you just said you love fishes,

Human: Well, I like how they taste as well. *chuckles*

What if aliens have reallllyyy strong senses of smell? So much so that they could smell the chemicals that humans produce in their brain when feeling specific emotions like: Adrenaline, Dopamine, Serotonin etc. BUT they interpret these smells differently.

Alien: Human, you have been staring at that other human for 31 seconds. Is there a reason? Especially because you smell....scared?

Human: S-Sorry? What- *takes eyes off the other human with eyes wide at the alien*

Alien: I have been doing some research on human smells and this specific smell I smell from you is of adrenaline and I have learnt that adrenaline is when a human is stressed or in a dangerous situation. Do you feel that the other human will hurt you?

Human: What- no! I- I think it's just that they're....very pretty. *blushes shyly*

Alien: *blinks slowly, dumbfounded* You are scared that they are pretty? Are you scared that people will like them more than you since they are pretty? If so, you are very pretty and I assure you that I will prefer you over them as a human friend.

Human: Oh my god...*sighs* I-I LIKE them. L-like I want to court them.

Alien: Oh- To mate with?

Human: I guess so?

Alien: Then you should smell like dopamine, no? *checks notes*

Human: I'm just nervous! So I get filled with adrenaline.

Alien: *Erases and fixes notes* Humans...are scared of their loved ones...wait- human, I did not know you would mate with dog species of your planet-

Human: NO! I'M SCARED OF DOGS, NOT- Oh gosh. *face palms*

Alien: I will try my best to be what you call a 'supportive friend', human.