Things And Stuff

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John Cho as William Shakespeare in Drunk History

“I am so sorry, I just didn’t want to freak you out. I mean, a kid is a big deal! I didn’t want you to feel pressured into something serious.”

Pitch 1.09 Promo | “Your teammates don’t want you to go.” “What about you?”

You’re a lot judgey. You’re like Judge Reinhold.

[via Hi-Fructose and Faith is Torment]

So I’m here because one night I had ten cocktails at a wedding. As one does. And then I passed out in my own vomit. As one does. The next morning I got in my car and a cop stopped me, as they do, when you’re weaving. And, turns out, I was still legally drunk from the night before and I got arrested, as, again, one does. The judge sentenced me to come here every day for a month. My plan was to knock out these meetings, get my court card signed, and go back to being as angry as I could with just about anyone I could think of. My mom, my dad, my job, West Covina, men who wear skinny jeans. But that whole time, there was one person I was really angry at. Myself.

Things Women In Literature Have Died From, Mallory Ortberg

The evolution of Darryl Whitefeather

- “Thanks for covering for me, dad” - “Oh hey, any time. You know, sometime soon you’re gonna have to tell everyone the truth. Even this crazy chick.” - “I know”