jordan

i am worthy to be kind to myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

if these two people knew what they had ahead of them would the present still look the same? how can two people who love each other so much hurt each other at the same time? maybe we’re not meant to be together. part of me thinks that but it all gets pushed outside of my head as soon as i think of a life without you. thinking of a future that doesn’t include your laugh or smile aches my heart. never being able to listen to new music with you or cuddle with you while playing with your hair. it all fucking hurts. i wish i could’ve been more patient and understanding. i wish i wasn’t so self centered sometimes, not caring about your feelings since you didn’t blatantly express them to me. i’m sorry. i would take back all of the pointless arguments in a second if i could i feel like it’s too late now to fix anything. the wounds are too deep for both of us. i want to be optimistic. i want to think there’s a future for us. where we’re both sitting on our porch 30yrs from now. in our cabin next to beautiful mountains and a lake in colorado. listening to great music and just laughing at each others stupid jokes. i want that with you. but i don’t know if it’s possible anymore. it’s all confusing. it all hurts