MY GOD THINKS MY JOKES ARE FUNNY.

don't shave your legs this summer HOLD THE FUCKING LINE

if you're about to reblog this post seeking approval for shaving your legs, please close the tab containing this post and go watch a gillette ad or smth cause you're not gonna get it from me

i'll be honest thinking about las vegas makes me nauseous.

"you couldnt make seinfeld today" you couldve made seinfeld in 45 B.C.

good news. the things that used to upset me no longer upset me. bad news. i'm creating an army of bugs to hurt innocent bystanders

i got my cat one of those giant hamster wheel things so she could entertain herself then i showed her how it worked by putting her on it and spinning it slowly then faster then as fast as possible. and the good news is that she looooves her wheel. she just loooves being a hamster cat. but the bad news is that she doesn’t know how to use it solo so she will sit by it and scream until i spin the wheel for her. and if i dont go fast enough shell scream some more. so im hunched over this big wooden wheel turning it like igor and my cat is running so fast that shes panting like a dog and if I slow down even a little she’ll go MEEEOOOWWWWW and i frankly think I need to join a union or something. that bingus has no respect for me.

i was suspicious at the time, but it took a minute for those suspicions to be confirmed. she now does solo runs but appreciates it when i come and spin the wheel myself. for old time's sake.

Let me click u

if I was a trump staffer I'd be showing him realistic AI generated videos of Frankenstein beating people up

Mister President it happened again. You have to help them. Please you have to help america.

anyway you should always remember that all those foreigners you see dying on the news are just as real people as you are who have just as much interiority as you do. there is nothing about you that makes you more important and it is by pure chance that you are not in their position. in fact, this holds for all of history. every person, no matter the horror of the fate that befell them, had just as much interiority as you do. i feel like some people haven't fully internalized this.