A Journal of My Journey

It’s true... I kinda forgot about my blog here on Tumblr, but I promise I didn’t forget about YOU!

I now blog every Sunday on my new website at ayanasymone.com. And, if you become a member and subscribe to my mailing list, you will be receiving an email from me EVERY WEDNESDAY. Consider this a very personal invitation. You & I go way back!

I’m more than willing to catch up if you’d like to email me at ayanasymone.com/contact and hear about what’s been going on in your lives. It’s been a moment since we’ve talked!

Hope to hear from you soon xx

(i’d still like to thank you for existing)

Seventeen-year-old Christia Carter fell in love with the boy of her dreams: a charming, confident, yet sometimes confusing, AJ Taylor. However, despite a year of spontaneous adventures downtown, late-night conversations, and regaining self-confidence together, he strangely disappears. Missing him desperately and confused as to why he would abandon her, Christia comes up with one possibility: maybe AJ never loved her at all. 

After battling long, sleepless nights, judgmental lectures from her religious parents, dark thoughts clouding her mind, and questions regarding her self-worth, Christia is a set on a journey to find out who she is mentally, emotionally, and spiritually with a growing hope that maybe, she can live without AJ after all.

Questions about self-love, homosexuality, ‘religion’ vs. Christianity, betrayal of friends, along with other provocative issues are deftly explored and fleshed out in this captivating novel. Readers of all ages will find something of value in its pages.

“How I Fell in Love with Myself” by Ayana Symone is available on Amazon NOW. 

Direct link to Purchase: https://www.amazon.com/How-I-Fell-Love-Myself/dp/1981813489/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1516633527&sr=8-1&keywords=how+i+fell+in+love+with+myself+by+ayana+symone

@unconditionalloss i cannot apologize ENOUGH for such a delayed response. i’ve been doing such an awful, poor job of keeping up with this blog, and it sucks because i really want to chit chat with cool people like you!! gaaah, please forgive me! your current situation means the world to me—literally 

okay, so, while reading through all of your messages, all i could think was one thing: I FEEL YOUR PAIN! that inner dilemma of wanting to be friends even while recovering from having a “thing” with that person is something i’m extremely familiar with. it’s common, it’s understandable—i’m positive we’re not the only ones who have been through this. not to mention the whole “why do i even like him” thought process. girl, don’t even get me started on the amount of times i have thought that, ugh. so, you’re not alone. situations like these are inevitable. however, i hope to answer your questions about these things ♡ i’ve been asking some similar questions, so it’ll be fun learning together     

how do you get over him? well, ask yourself this. (i’ve been asking myself this a lot) if you want to get over him, why do you still want a friendship with him? i know, i understand. you two have known each other for five years and it would hurt if you two split because of what you once had. but, if you really want to get over him, you shouldn’t still want a friendship with him because let’s get really real, that friendship is going to end up with liking him again and that’s going to refuel the whole cycle you are currently trying to get out of. and i’m not saying that you have to avoid him, but being as close of friends as you once were all the while trying to get over him is nearly impossible. so, just be honest with yourself. do you really wanna get over him? if the answer is no, congratulations, you’re normal (and you and i are a lot alike). if the answer is yes, ask yourself why you still want to be close with him and consider that being “just friends” with someone you had a thing for is Impossible in disguise

expounding on if the answer is “no”, you have to start accepting some things here, starting with the fact that he has a girlfriend. you have to back off after that. again, it may seem harmless to be friends with him, but noting that you undeniably still have some feelings for him, you can’t pursue friendship any longer. can’t say it enough. it’s crucial that you accept this. you’re battling some really real feelings, and i understand it, but those feelings should only go so far. in addition, you have to evaluate this asking yourself another dreadful question, “why do i even like him?” you were preaching to me when you wrote, “he liked me first and i fell hard” cos that’s seriously how i am, too. not to get personal, but i’m not really the type of person to get any attention from boys whatsoever, so when a guy does show interest, i’m quick to think that i have a lil something for him too lol. you and i both have to be careful with this, and this requires honesty. why do you like him? is he cute on the inside, too? let it be more than just a “we both like each other” thing. truly and honestly answer that for yourself

so! i hope these things helped! it’s good to know that i’m not the only one who asks myself the questions that you do. you actually helped me get the answers to some of my own, and that’s something that i cannot thank you enough for! but, hey, together, let’s just remember one thing, the most famous phrase girls around the world use to encourage one another: there are plenty of fine fish out here in this sea! and we’re gonna find ours! and, he’s gonna fall in love with us, treat us like royalty, and make us forget about all the frogs we might’ve kissed. the key is to wait and to wait patiently. at the right time, we’ll meet him. believe it! speak it into existence!

again, thank you thank you thank you for this. you’re honestly so cool lol, and you’ve got a friend in me, love bug. thanks for existing :)

hey lil lovely!! i wish i would’ve saw this sooner—could you forgive me for replying so late? i have no other excuse rather than i never really found the perfect time to sit down and respond to this. i wanted to make sure that my response isn’t rushed—especially with a question like this♡

sooo my usual response to questions like these are usually: “break up with him! if you don’t have any feelings for him anymore, just call it quits. do it for YOUR benefit.” however, i’ve learned that advice like that is really ineffective in cases like this. from what you’ve described your boyfriend as, anon, he really is a great guy—someone who i would think twice about breaking up with just because you don’t have strong feelings for him anymore. i’ve got to be really honest with you here, boo—that attitude of “well, if he’s not making me feel good anymore, i’m just going to leave him” is a very selfish and damaging mindset. it seems like you’re making the relationship all about you. of course, this whole response would be different if he cheated on you or abused you, but reading that he treats you like a princess doesn’t leave any room for wanting to break up with him, you know? anon, you’ve got to understand first and foremost how temporary feelings are. i mean, if you base everything you do off of how you feel about it, everything you do won’t be long-lasting. it’ll all be meaningless. don’t you want something that’s eternal? if you do, then you have to look at the reality, starting with the fact that you have a boyfriend who loves you, cares for you, and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. of course, not everything he does is gonna make you feel like you’ve seen the mountain top, but again, being totally honest here, that isn’t his job. he should want to make you feel that way, and from what i’ve read, he is, but if the relationship is all about getting down on his hands and knees to make you feel good, it becomes toxic. so, please, reconsider your decision to break up with him, even if it’s at a time that seems “convenient” for him. think about the real reason why you want to let him go, ok? 

if i got the whole picture wrong, then my final word of advice would be to talk to him about it. you know this situation way more than i do, and i encourage you to not only tell him about it, but also tell any close friends or family members whom you trust and who love you. i’ve said all of this out of lots and lots and LOTS of love. my heart is that you do what’s right!    

you’re a true champ, boo. have a great day!

hey, love!

your friend and i are in the same boat here to be completely honest with you. i know exactly what he's feeling! it's like as SOON as you get one thing done, another thing pops up, and it is exactly as frustrating as i'm sure he's feeling. i was looking for some tips and words of advice myself for this situation, so that i can avoid being overwhelmed and instead be motivated to get to all of my work, and i did learn some very keen things that i'd love to share with you and your friend ♡ i think it's so sweet how you want to help him out! you're a good friend :)

the first thing i think would help him out is to plan ahead! before he goes any further into what he needs to complete next, i'd advise taking some time to make a schedule—to divvy up his time and decide how he needs to use it. sometimes, we think we can squeeze everything together in a small amount of time, but sooner or later, we’ve got to be honest with ourselves. we’re gonna need a few days to catch up physically and mentally, don’t you think? so creating a planner or a schedule of some sort to give him fair time to complete each project is highly recommended!

next, i would advise to focus on one thing. if there’s anything i’m guilty of, it’s doing the exact opposite. i force myself to think about the many things i have to complete, and discouragement hits me like a wrecking ball. i’ll get really anxious and worried and that’s definitely not what anyone needs when they’re trying to stay motivated and focused. so i think it would help a lot to tell him to focus on one thing and one thing only—i.e., what is due first, what is most important, etc. and go from there! that’s helped me tremendously!

and lastly, tell the brotha to take it SLOW! i know it seems like a huge necessity to hustle, but sometimes, the reality is that we need to slow it down in order to get things done. here is one thing that has helped me: it is OKAY to take a break. after a few tasks are done or even if you feel way more behind than you are, this sounds really silly, but i’d advise taking a break. let your mind drift off a bit, eat some pretzels, put your feet up for a while, and try to breathe. he’s gonna break down if he’s always in work mode. it’s totally okay if he rests!

this is what i have been learning ♡ and, i’ll be the first to tell you that this advice is hard to follow, trust me. i, myself, am struggling with this right now—with school coming up (and like five million reports due), with my work hours adding up, with trying to complete the biggest project of my life, with desperately wanting to chat with wonderful people like you—it’s rough! so, tell your friend that he’s not alone in this. i’m gonna be right with him trying to take my deep breaths, as well. we’re all in dis together! i believe in us!

i don’t have enough keys on my keyboard to express my love for you. you’re awesome! have a blessed day  ♡