mini

if i randomly disappear, i am not dead (probably) i’m just trying to not lose my mind! deleting social medias when i get depressed is my coping mechanism

am i the only one, at times, starting to dislike my friends so i totally detach myself from them, sometimes ghost them for a bit but then i’d text them again and restart loving them ? there’s that one friend i cherish so dearly, we texted every single days for a long time but now anytime she texts me i get annoyed and don’t want to reply. she didn’t do anything wrong tho! and it happens to most if not every of my close friends at least once 😭

so i got rejected from every universities in france i applied for…. i thought about maybe doing a degree in korea but turns out it’s about 50k euros for the full degree alone (about 15k per year), living expenses not included. i am genuinely so lost and don’t know what should be my next move now… my dad was lowk right, he told me not to check the results until i come back home from japan but i still looked and now i cried the whole day and wasted a full day…. so i booked a hotel night at kawaguchiko for tomorrow to friday hopefully this will ease my mind :( i have no further plans, it makes me really suicidal but in a quieter way

i posted myself on instagram for the first time in months and i got too self conscious and i genuinely do hate myself so much i need to be gone asap i hate how ugly i constantly am i hate how ugly ive gotten the past years i hate myself so much please this is miserable

my problem is if i think i’m ugly i will have an horrible day

whether i open tiktok or instagram, i get hit with girls having crazy abs and every day it reminds me i shouldn’t have stopped going to the gym i miss my abs so bad (they weren’t as defined as those girls but at least they were there!!!!)

my health has been so bad the past few months, i think my mental health has started to have quite an impact on my body. i can’t see a doctor yet (theres a large delay and i’m avoiding doctors also for some reasons), i’m sure it’s nothing too bad but my left side of the abdomen be hurting so bad some days and my lack of sleep can be annoying.. everything is gonna be okay it’s fine

being rich is a mindset until i see my dream car is fuckass 40k euros, how is one able to afford that tf

i need to stop hating being weird and start embracing it….. every each days i get so insecure about me having some whimsies, and its not even really related to people’s opinions it’s just me 😔

if i dont secure a job in the next month i’ll be cooked and im going in italy w like barely any money i’ll be sleeping at the beach idgaf or doing some volunteering to be safe but fuck my life fuck the market fuck the patriarchy IDGAFFFFF

it’s crazy to me how people see me so differently than how i see myself. yesterday a friend randomly told me she thought i was super well spoken and i don’t even use a formal language but yet i’m still good with words; i’ve been insecure about my speech forever, i was so taken aback like you think ME ? good with words ? 😭 or when people say i soothe them whenever i talk to them, i’ve also been really insecure about not being calm enough at times like what