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“Sorry, where is this coming from?”

He shrugs his shoulders, letting another wide smile cross his face as you eye him carefully. Against your own wishes, you drop your pen into the crevice of your textbooks, giving his delusion your full attention the same way you do every time he says something you can’t ignore.

“It’s this group I got invited into. I’m not kidding, everyone thinks so”

He shuffles back into his seat, thumbs flying across the screen of his phone as your eyebrows crinkle in a way that seems to ask for proof of this so-called “everyone”. It’s taking him a while to find what he’s looking for, and you can’t tell whether that’s because he can’t find anything to back up his claims, or because he as too much evidence. Your eyes snap back up to his when Hiori finally turns the device back to you, a litany of messages shining at you from the sheen of his screen.

The texts consist of what look like the ramblings of several crazy people, theories piled up so high you almost have to read every sentence twice. You’re not entirely surprised though, and that’s the other thing currently giving you a headache.

For as big as your psychology course is, every single person seems to know both Kaiser and Isagi, even from small glances. You’ve seen it time and time again; Both men and women lining up in front of their classes just to speak with them, an overwhelming amount of students always crowded around the football field just to get a glimpse of the two men play.

Even some of your lecturers can’t help fawning over Isagi every time you wander into their offices. Every time you think about it for longer than a few seconds, it splits your head in two, especially when you consider the fact that both men actually consider you one of their only close friends.

Your thumb glides softly across the screen, punishing your eyes further as you go down the page. The first few texts had seemed like jokes, off-handed comments clearly made to piss people off. The ones you’re reading now are more like full length stories, lines of descriptors you can’t even begin to look up about the potential of your friends’ relationship. You have to stop to take a breath with every bit you scroll up on, your eyes stopping over a particular paragraph that goes in depth on the compatibility of Kaiser’s cloying, sharp rose scent compared to the fresh lemongrass that Isagi gives off. According to another user you stumble upon, Isagi presenting as a dominant omega only makes their theory better.

“Where do you even find these people?” You’re looking back up at Hiori for the first time in a few minutes, mouth hanging open at the device still drooping loosely from your fingers.

“I have my ways..”

He only shrugs, giving you another annoyingly innocent smile as if he didn’t just hand you texts from the depths of hell.

The worst part is, he was right. Given the access to his phone, and the fact the he clearly doesn’t mind, you’ve scrolled through about five separate group chats so far; Either as a sub section from your course, or from some group in the university you don’t know much about. Unfortunately for you, your finger never stops scrolling, and morbid curiosity drags you into your sixth group chat of the hour, immediately stumbling onto a high-quality image that doesn’t match the messages below.

“Ooh, these are my favourite”

Hiori shifts into the seat beside you, pressing his shoulder to yours in a way that blocks the two of you off from the rest of the world. You tilt the phone towards him, watching as he scrolls a bit more before clicking on another picture.

It’s not hard to decipher what you’re looking at; Kaiser’s bright blonde to blue hair dragging your attention in the way it always does, with Isagi seemingly right beside him. It looks like they’re walking to class, almost wrapped up in their own conversation from the animated way Kaiser’s other hand hangs in the air. They’re smushed together in a way you know they would never be caught dead in, but the fan theorists responding to the picture clearly don’t care.

You can vaguely hear Hiori ramble about a few individuals in the group and their responses to the picture still brightly displayed on his device, but that’s not what you’re focused on. There’s one small detail in the image, one that makes the top of your forehead ache again.

At this point, you don’t know what’s making you more upset; The fact that this picture exists as proof of some budding relationship, or the fact that you’re also in that picture and no one seems to have noticed.

You spotted it the second Hiori clicked into the image, the crown of your head peeking out above Kaiser’s arm where you assume it’s slung over your shoulder. But with the angle of the photo itself, and the circumstances of your height compared to Kaiser’s, it looks like he’s trying to hold Isagi instead.

“…I’m in the picture too, y’know”

Hiori finally snaps his mouth shut, glancing between you and the phone with an expression that tells you he doesn’t believe you, one that you want to smack off him.

“Wait.. really?”

He finally leans in and looks properly when you point to the middle of the device, pointing out the unnatural amount of space between them. For a second, it almost looks like he feels bad for you, at least until a deep curiosity takes hold of both of you at the same time, your attention snapping back to the phone as you look for more pictures.

It’s almost sad, how little your presence shows up in images you’re both certain people giggle over everyday. But without fail, you manage to point yourself out in every single photo. It gets easier the longer you do it; A few strands of your hair peeking out from a cropped photo, your books and papers showing in one particularly blurry library snapshot, your body blocked by the arrogant way Kaiser usually spreads himself across the lecture hall seats. Hiori manages to take the phone out of your hands at some point, thumbs still ghosting over the screen as he waves a hand in your direction.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure someone had to have noticed you..”

The end of his sentence trails off as the screen stills over a conversation snippet, whatever’s being talked about clearly making him uncomfortable.

“What? What is it?”

His body shoots away from yours as you try to read the screen over his shoulder, shifting your torso towards his until he’s almost falling out of the booth the two of you are crowded in. The device flicks away from you, tilted at an angle that only lets you see it hang for a second, before the device powers off. But your eyesight it not that bad, you caught a few sentences just before it died.

whos that person always hanging around k & i? does anyone know.. swr i see them EVERYWHERE 12:57pm 13/04/2026

who? the beta one? 12:59 13/04/2026

yh lol 13:01 13/04/2026

idk they dont talk to anyone else think theyre in our course tho 13:03 13/04/2026

IDCCC theyre getting in the way of my ship 13:04 13/04/2026

lololol 13:04 13/04/2026

You let a self deprecating huff fall off your lips, the last few texts swirling around in your mind while Hiori watches you carefully, hand inching closer as if to already comfort you. “Getting in the way” was an interesting phrase to use considering the fact that both Isagi and Kaiser had been the ones to approach you first.

It had been a peaceful day the first time you met Isagi, another several hours spent hunched over your textbooks, fighting for the grades you could take back to your parents with pride. You’d been sitting there for so long your stomach had made it it’s new mission to grumble as loud as possible. The last few words of the text you were reading were already in your head, your hand on your wallet as you’d shifted your chair back, ready to head to the nearest vending machine when a can of coffee had landed squarely on the space in front of you.

“You’re in one of my classes.”

You don’t know how long he’d been looming over you, just that you couldn’t take your eyes off how bright his smile was.

“Social Psychology, right?”

It took you a while to realise what he was actually saying, your head bobbing frantically as you’d let the condensation from the coffee melt into your palm. He’d smiled even wider then, snapping his fingers in your direction before settling into the seat across from you so fast you didn’t even have time to tell him otherwise.

“I knew I recognised you, you’re always sitting in front of me in class”

Conversation had flowed a lot easier than you thought possible; Complaints about your coursework, the lectures, some of your classmates bouncing between you two for almost as long as you’d been studying. The reason why he’d approached you in the first place also finds it’s way into your talk; Isagi was meant to be hanging out with a few of his friends, but he’d arrived too early. Trying to get a drink from the machines just outside the library had granted him a second one, and the second he’d walked back in and seen you, he figured now was the best time to strike up a conversation.

He’d left eventually, with his friends soon arriving to drag him back to their table, but not before he’d insisted on getting your number. If it was anyone else, you would’ve assumed they were trying to hit on you, and would’ve retreated back to your room. But for some reason, you’d given in that day, watching as he waved goodbye, your contact gleaming from the phone still clutched in his hands.

Since then, it felt like you’d started seeing Isagi everywhere, aside from class; You bumped into him on your way to your flat, he would call out to you if you happened to pass the campus field while he was there, and you could never take a seat in any of your classes without him sliding in beside you.

And of course his behaviour had gotten Kaiser’s attention, that was the only reason you had the two of them following you around like you owed them money.

“You know what? This is stupid anyway..”

The sound of Hiori’s voice snaps you out of your reverie, your gaze flicking up in time to watch him quickly leave the group chat and power off his phone. The slightly awkward smile he gives you only makes you laugh, a sound that seems to relax him. You don’t mind the comments too much, it’s nothing you haven’t heard some iteration of before, online or in-person. But it irritates you that the messages have got you thinking; It’s no secret people can’t control themselves because of their secondary gender, you’d argue the only thing stopping your friends was their pure dislike for each other.

And if they ever ended up crossing that hatred, where would that leave you?

Hiori shuffles away from the space beside you, gathering his things like he’s just remembered he had somewhere else to be. He responds to the confused stare you give him with a small gesture of his hand, pointing to the library doors behind you, where two distinct figures are currently making their way towards your table.

“Your boyfriends are here”

Their faces appear before Hiori can even finish speaking, always an inch away from yours like personal space doesn’t exist, both shades of vivid blue eyes staring deep into your soul with an intensity you can never place.

“What did he want?”

Kaiser is the first to speak, immediately settling down beside you, a heavy arm already slung across your tired shoulders. Isagi exchanges a few greetings with Hiori before he finally leaves, Isagi taking the seat on your other side, placing a packaged sandwich on your table. Kaiser leans in closer at this, shifting his arm to rest at your back, scoffing as he stares down into your textbook. You’re certain he knew this material by heart, the mockery he usually spat at you before insisting on teaching you better most likely sitting on his tongue, but your mind is elsewhere; Specifically at how close Isagi and Kaiser would be if they weren’t pressed against you instead. You almost want to look behind your seat, convinced their hands are linked, using your back as a shield.

The early morning’s rising sun draws a small yawn out of you, spreading to the other people in your row, mixing in with the sounds of chittering birds and frantic typing. Your lecturer never stops talking for a second, the lazy drone of his voice digging into the part of your skull that only generates a massive headache in response. You look over your notes, glancing at the text compared to the unnecessarily long paragraph still illuminated on the screen behind your teacher, your fingers now throbbing too hard for you to continue.

You seem to be one of the only people actively listening, meaningless bits of conversation flowing into your ears from all around you, the loudest set of voices from the people seated beside you. Another withered yawn finally drags your head onto the back of your hand, your eyelids fluttering shut for a second, before the fear of being caught brings you back to reality. You mutter to yourself, grateful this topic of social sciences is one you’ve already gone over with Kaiser several times, one of the only things he’s good for.

The bored hum of your lecture theatre lasts about five more minutes before something in the room switches. The temperature hits you first, a warm sensation that spreads across your back, seeping into the fabric of your jacket, almost as if the sun had manifested right by the hall’s exit doors instead of outside the window. Your eyebrows crinkle in confusion, the heat crawling up your neck until it starts to make you uncomfortable, but your seatmates seem to be having it worse.

You watch their bodies stiffen, noses twitching as a heavy flush makes it’s way over their skin. The light leaves their irises faster than anything you’ve ever seen, eyes glazing over in a motion that forces a shiver down your spine. Whispers rise in the space around you, raising in volume until your lecturer’s droning comes to an abrupt halt.

“Quiet!”

His shoddy attempt doesn’t have any impact on the noise circulating round the room, if anything, it only makes the cacophony of voices louder. In fear of missing anything, you move along with your seatmates, letting your gaze force itself towards the back of the class as their natural senses guide them.

It’s a girl; One of the quiet ones no one really speaks to or knows. She’s shivering in her seat, shoulders hunched up towards her ears as everyone’s eyes remain on her. Her chin is practically touching her collarbone, hair falling neatly over her face in waves; But you can still see the bright red of her ears, the way she forces her legs shut while holding her stomach like it’s about to burst. It’s obvious what’s happening to her, based on the reactions of all the known alphas in the room. You open your mouth, the words already halfway off your lips before someone beats you to it.

“I think she’s going into heat!”

That singular sentence shatters the tolerable noise you were stewing in, the whispers morphing into panicked shouts that almost break the barrier of the lecture hall’s doors and windows. Out of your peripheral vision, you can see your lecturer’s attempt to get to the girl in question, and his swift failure as several other students start rising out of their chairs as well. Your seat mates jump up to join everyone, the disgusting amount of desire evident in the way they stare the girl down. Just as someone in the back row grasps the hem of her sweatshirt, the guy beside her makes a move first, grabbing the girl and dragging her out of the room faster than anyone can can stop him.

Even without actually sensing anything, you can feel the oppressive heat lingering in the room peel itself off your back, finally giving you the space to breathe. Every one seems to shift back to normal, letting out loud sighs of relief as the fog fades from their minds. Unfortunately, you don’t feel the complete relief that they do; You’re not sure if anyone actually noticed, or if they cared, but the guy that had finally taken that omega out of the room had been an alpha.

You noticed the way he clenched his hands at his side, teeth gnawing into his bottom lip in an effort to keep himself restrained. Even if he was her friend, he wouldn’t keep to himself for longer than a few minutes. Anyone could put the pieces together to figure out what they were probably doing right now.

And like a parasite returning to feed off the perfect host, your mind wanders to the moment you had a few days ago.

The scenario forces itself into your mind before you can protest, an exact replica of what just happened in your lecture. Your brain switches the girl out, her features morphing into one you can pinpoint from a mile away. It conjures up images of Isagi sitting in that seat, writhing in agony, not able to control anything. You would be completely useless in that situation, you wouldn’t even be able to sense it.

In your mind, Kaiser would make it across the room faster than anyone else, just like that boy had.

Your lecture ends quicker than it was planned to, the incident having clearly frazzled the entire class, including your lecturer. Everyone files out quickly, already back to the fervent whispering all while tapping at their phones. You rush out particularly quickly, bumping into people you don’t have the time to apologise to, your legs carrying you outside so fast the university begins to blur into one streaked beam.

The blur comes to a rough halt right outside the department next to yours, your legs aching from the speed you forced them to maintain, keeping their form for a second until they finally buckle, dropping you into the bench right under your knees. You can feel your body melt into the painted metal, it’s hard surface digging into your back, the straps of your bag slowly falling of your shoulders.

This shouldn’t affect you as much as it is, at least that’s what you repeat over and over in your head, like a mantra you actually want to believe in. But what were you supposed to do about this situation you’d essentially made up after a few text messages? Gather the two of them for a meeting and go:

“Hey guys, please don’t ever give into whatever urges you have for each other. Because if you two started dating, I feel like you would leave me alone and I would then have to spend my last year at university without friends. Thank you!”

You could already imagine the looks they would give you, Kaiser especially. The mocking glint in his eyes alone would piss you off so bad you would have to move to a different university entirely. A tired huff escapes your nose, sinking your form even further into the bench. It feels like people are staring at you as they walk past, but you don’t have the energy to care, not when an idea just popped into your head.

It’s stupid, it’s going to be tiresome, and it’s most definitely not worth the trouble. But it’s the only thing you have now.

Your legs are already back in motion, pushing you out of the bench as your start towards the nearest bus stop right at the campus entrance. It might not work as perfectly as you’d like, but if you could get a few suppressants, keep them on you at all times and watch Kaiser and Isagi carefully, then they would never have the opportunity to go into heat, let alone seek comfort in each other.

You’re extremely aware of how crazy it sounds, the smaller voice in your head arguing back and forth as you tap your phone against the bus pay stall, too late for you to change your mind now. You like to think you can do anything you put your mind to, and if you can just keep that plan up until you’re sure nothing will happen between them, even if that means a whole year, then you were okay with that.

The pharmacy already feels like it’s judging you the moment you step in, your sneakers squeaking on the pristine white floors as you shuffle towards the already tired looking receptionist. She barely gives you a once over as you ask for the inhibitors, her eyelids widening slightly while she tries to comprehend how much you’re asking for, before she’s ducking into a room behind the counter. You don’t know whether it’s the nervous tremble in your limbs or the desperate gleam in your eyes, but she brings out the exact amount of pills you asked for, even going as far as to inform you of how many to take each day and when. She gives you a brief nod in response to your frenzied thank you’s, the pill packets rattling in your bag as you rush back to the bus stop.

The instructions play repeatedly in your mind, practically carved into the front of your skull. That was the last of your money for this month, and you spent it on a bunch of inhibitors of a last minute plan. At this point, you had to make it work whether you wanted to or not.

You’ve seen Kaiser and Isagi’s faces more in the last few days than you have since the three of you became friends. With your mission being the only thing in your mind, you’ve been following the two of them closely, separately as well. You’ve found that the arrangement works in alternating days. The second you’re done with lectures, you sprint across the department until you find either Kaiser’s or Isagi’s class, standing outside till they emerge and spot you first, looking for any abnormalities as much as you can with your dulled senses.

You’d nearly had a heart attack the day you’d been waiting for Isagi, only for the lecturer in the class to tell you he was in the campus infirmary. You’d never run that fast before in your life, and the second you’d found out it was just a sprained wrist, you basically collapsed onto the floor.

You were used to going about your day, lectures, library work, quick lunch before more work until Kaiser would spot you somewhere and make his way to you with Isagi right on his heel. Doing this now made you feel like some clingy partner, every time you find yourself looking for either man, you can already imagine what the group chats are saying about you now.

So far, nothing bad has happened. In fact, it almost feels like you’re hanging out with two betas instead. Obviously you don’t know their cycles, and the two of them are never really in situations that would flare things up, but things are almost going too well, especially since the two men don’t seem to be complaining. That was another thing, you figured your drastic turn in personality would raise at least one question, but you haven’t heard a single thing. It almost seems like they’re happy you’re acting like this.

Just the day before, you’d spotted Kaiser wandering around the department, his features crumpled into a bored frown. You’d already seen Isagi earlier that day, so the decision was a quick one as you sidled up next to him, already scanning his face for anything other than tired dissonance. He’d raised an eyebrow as you linked your arm with his, using that as an excuse to monitor his body temperature.

“I only have ten minutes before I have to get back to class.”

You’d flashed him a quick smile, too occupied with the faces of a few stragglers in the hallway, waiting for any adverse reactions.

“That’s fine. I just wanted to see you”

“What? You missed me that much?”

You didn’t need to turn to know how wide Kaiser was probably smirking, waiting for you to turn back so he can flick the first part of your face he’s able to reach. You’d given him a small reaction then, patting his arm as if to satiate him so he’ll shut up and let you concentrate.

“Mhm, I only ever see you in the library.. I miss you sometimes”

You’d turned back in time to see him turning his face away from yours, hair obstructing whatever look he had on his face, the tips of his ears such a vivid pink you could see it from a mile away. You’d fussed over him then, worried his rut had suddenly arrived, refusing to let go of him until he’d practically pried you off, marching back into his lecture with a huff. The pills still rattle in your bag every time you walk, the silver packaging scratching against your laptop and textbooks, all unopened since the day you got them.

…

The sun bears down heavy on your form, sneaking it’s way into the crevices of your scalp, forcing more sweat down your forehead as you plod down the concrete street. It’s so hot it feels like your shoes are melting into the gravel, leaving sticky sneaker-shaped prints into your path. Every inch of clothing that brushes against your skin feels like hell, drawing a tired sigh out of you with every ten steps you take. The only solace you have is that your lectures are done for the day, your tired path making it ways back to your hopefully cooler room.

“You good?”

Isagi is already staring at you when you turn your head, smiling at you with the usual amount of concern swirling around in his eyes. He seems completely unbothered by the sun, sweat barely coating the skin peeking out of his tank top, an embarrassing comparison to your drenched clothes. You nod your head at him, watching as he gives you one last smile before he’s back to talking about your classes.

You’d met him on the way home just an hour ago, the shortest path to your flat goes past the football field, so you’d already steeled yourself for the fact that you might bump into him. You’ve been talking to him since about anything and everything; the football club, course work, a few of your lecturers. It doesn’t take long before your mouth gains a life of it’s own, chattering on about some group project you’re expected to finish soon, and the useless people you’d been assigned to. You’re beginning to get lost in your own ranting, your arms flailing wildly until Isagi just stops, almost like something pulled him back.

You stop soon after, confusion switching out the anger previously hovering over your face, eyebrows practically raised to your hairline. He almost flinches when you take a step towards him, holding a hand out while the other clutches his shirt so tight you’re scared he’s going to rip it off.

“Hey.. are you okay…?”

It feels like your vision sharpens in that split second, into how hard he’s suddenly breathing, the flush slowly creeping across his skin, the heat seeping into your back from the sun compared to the one flowing into your face. The puzzle slides into place a lot slower than you’d like, but it only takes half a second for you to react, pain shooting through your knees as you drop to the ground, riffling through your bag for that familiar silver pack.

Isagi is hot to the touch by the time you get close enough, his skin practically sizzling under your palms as you try to lift his head up. Judging by the tremor wracking through his limbs, it’s only getting worse by the second, and with how hard you’re panicking, you only have a second to get this pill into his mouth.

You’ve never dealt with an omega in heat before, at least not like this, but in your mind you assumed the sensation would make them pliant enough to get taken care of. The unnatural amount of strength Isagi is displaying just to keep his head down is clearly proving you wrong. His hands are spread across your arms, keeping them at bay, the farthest your left hand can reach is his chin. You don’t know whether you’re hallucinating or not, but it almost feels like Isagi is trying to keep you away and lean into you at the same time, a muffled whine leaving his throat every time your skin makes contact with his. He seems to make a decision a second later, the hand meant to stop you latching onto your upper arm and dragging you forward.

It happens to fast for you to react, your arms hang in the air as Isagi wraps himself around you, fingers digging into your back like he’s trying to claw into you, head burrowing furiously into your neck. You can feel the tip of his nose against your skin, right into the space your scent glands would be if you actually had any. Whatever attempt you make to get him off fails immediately, with him only burying his face deeper.

The two of you stand there for what feels like hours, Isagi hanging on so tight like he’s afraid you’re going to disappear. It takes you a while to move, but eventually you figure out Isagi’s willing to follow you anywhere as long as his arms are still attached to you. You shift yourself around for a bit, begging him to behave, until you’re facing the way you were previously walking down, your friend hanging off you like a dead body. Your shoes dig even further into the concrete as you start shuffling down the road, dragging Isagi along with you.

…

Isagi’s flat building is a lot farther than you thought it would be, though it might also be because the two of you are moving at a pace somehow slower than a sloth’s. But at least you’re finally here. In the circle of apartments that forms the accommodation area, his is right in the middle, standing at a distance you would’ve easily been able to cross if you didn’t have an extra weight on your back. The blocks are separated by gender, and further sectioned off by secondary gender, the male omega dorms marked off with a simple sign on it’s bright, white door.

You don’t know why you thought it would work, but your attempt to push Isagi towards the building door fails painfully when his arms only tighten around you further. Your spine is practically folded in half with how tight you’re pressed against him. You obviously don’t live in this building, if you get caught in walking into someone else’s dorm like this you’re most assuredly going to get in a huge amount of trouble, but as you let out a deep sigh, scanning Isagi’s ID and pushing into the building, you hope the situation you’re will grant you some sort of exemption.

“We’re already past this point, but can I enter your room?

“Mhm…”

The hum is so quiet you wouldn’t have heard it if not for the small vibration coming from your shoulder. His room looks almost exactly the way you’d expect it to; Messy, but not enough to make the room disgusting, clothes and textbooks strewn across every surface, hung posters of footballers you’re certain Isagi has told you about but you can’t remember the names of now. This time, he actually lets you move him around, his back melting into the mattress as he finally lets you go.

The second he’s off your back, you feel the panic melt of your skin, forcing you inwards, your hands folding over your knees as you try to catch your breath. You managed to drop the pill in your hand when Isagi had grabbed you, but it’s fine, it was only one out of the several you still have in your bag. Your fingers close tightly around the one now sitting in your palm, your footsteps light as you approach the bed.

It seems like he’s settled a little, and for a second you think this time around might be easier, until the pill misses Isagi’s face three separate times because he still has the energy to turn his head every time you try to put it in his mouth.

“Please Yo.. you need to take this to get better”

All he gives you in response is a disgruntled whine, his face digging deeper into the pillow under him in one final rebellion. Another sigh falls off your lips, the headache you’d pushed to the back of your mind now radiating towards the front of your skull. The pill box makes a small clack as you drop it on the desk right beside his bed, placing a lukewarm bottle of water right beside it.

This wasn’t a part of the plan you’d dedicated so much time to pulling through, but it was better than anything else. Even if he didn’t take the medicine, he was in an all omega dorm, and unless someone decided to be irresponsible, and bring an alpha in, he could just wait out his heat for a few days. You stop right before the door, guilt gnawing it’s way into your chest with every pained groan that emanates from the bed. Your legs drag you back into the room, gaze hovering over Isagi’s crouched form. He’s still shivering, the effort he’s putting into burrowing into the sheets clearly not easing the agony he’s in. You place a careful hand on his forehead, letting out a small huff as he leans into it. You feel bad for him, obviously, but as much as you want to stay with him, you’re not an alpha. No amount of comfort you give will ever ease the pain his own biology has given him.

The brief touch seems to reignite whatever absurd strength Isagi had displayed before, his hand shooting out to grab yours still attached to his head, your sense of balance falling from under your feet as you land onto the sheets, half of your body spread over Isagi’s while the other half hangs over the bed.

Maybe it’s because this is the second time this has happened, but you don’t panic the way you had outside. The only thing you can do, that Isagi will allow, is to shift your weight around until the two of you are lying side by side, his arms wrapped firmly around your shoulders, face latched onto your neck like he’s still looking for pheromones you still don’t have.

“Y’know.. it’s my fault really. I should’ve known you were going to do that..”

“Mmh..”

“This was a stupid idea to begin with… and I wasted my whole bank account on this. Who’s gonna pay me back?”

“Mmh..”

You shift your neck back close to the end of the pillows, turning your head to look into Isagi’s expression. He’s not even looking at you, eyes shut peacefully as some of the blush melts off his cheeks.

“You’re not even listening to me, are you?”

“Mmh..”

An annoyed huff escapes your nostrils, your gaze turning back to the ceiling as the heavy heat in the room finally seems to settle. You can feel your arm going numb from the weight of Isagi’s body, but now, you find that you don’t mind as much anymore. The moment settles into a peaceful hum, your eyelids fluttering as you count down the seconds, each one weighing heavy on your subconscious. The two of you fall into a rhythm, your breathing almost lining up for five seconds before a shrill ring cuts through the silence.

It’s your favourite song, something you only remember setting as your ringtone a second after you’ve already shot out of bed, much to Isagi’s dismay. You fumble around for your phone, fingers grazing the edge of his desk five times before you finally grab it.

Your phone nearly freezes with how many notifications come in, and along with the call still hovering at the top of your screen, you’re finding it hard to scroll through. It doesn’t take you long to realise the messages are all from Kaiser, ranging from questioning to annoyed, to the second call flashing across your screen now.

“Where the hell are you?”

The icy tone in Kaiser’s voice alone is enough to make you hold the phone away from your ear, already regretting picking it up in the first place. Isagi lets out another groan, making his displeasure known loud enough to echo into the phone. He lifts his head up to look at your device, eyes open just a sliver.

“..Who is that?”

The silence that takes over the conversation presses down on you like a solid weight, leaving an awkward feeling in its wake. Somehow, it feels like you can sense the fresh wave of irritation coming from Kaiser’s end of the phone, the reins of your plan now slipping through your fingers even further. You’d tried planned for the chance of Kaiser and Isagi meeting in a situation like this; What you couldn’t have prepared yourself for, is how angry Kaiser sounds.

“Is Yoichi there with you?”

“…No?”

You hear a scoff from the other side of the phone, so sharp you almost wince, before Kaiser’s voice comes back full force, louder than before.

“Right. So I didn’t hear him just now, you must think I’m stupid.”

He lets the silence sit for a second, like he’s trying to calm himself down, but it doesn’t work as well as he clearly wants it to.

“Are you in his room right now? Is that how it is?”

Your mouth stumbles out half a response, thinking of what excuse you could give that would satiate his anger now. You feel stupid now, for assuming you just had to keep Kaiser and Isagi away from each other so nothing would fester. But with how cold Kaiser seems just at the thought of you being in Isagi’s room, you’re clearly too late. You’re still stumbling over your words by the time Isagi rises to full height, leaning over your torso to tap a quick finger on your phone screen, Kaiser’s voice cutting out sharply as the call ends.

You don’t even get to react before Isagi grabs your phone, throwing it over the other side of the bed with a sharp clatter. You open your mouth to complain, but the only thing that comes out is a muffled shout as you get dragged back onto the mattress, body trapped in your previous position. Your eyes close a lot quicker this time, most likely because of the stress you’ve now added to your situation. For now, you really can’t be bothered. Whatever happens, you’ll deal with it tomorrow.

Every second you’re sitting in the department feels like your life is in danger. A week ago, you would’ve told yourself to stop exaggerating, to stop making up theories, but after the venom you received over the phone yesterday, you’ve decided to tread carefully. This meant sneaking around campus like a thief in the night, gaze always locked on the space behind you, the corners and walls of each building your new friends. Obviously, your plan has been rendered useless, not because you didn’t try, you weren’t willing to admit that yet, but because Kaiser clearly already liked Isagi enough to get mad at you for just being in his room.

You’ve been avoiding Isagi just as much as you’ve been avoiding Kaiser. He didn’t do anything wrong, you can’t exactly blame him for going into heat, but there was something about yesterday, something intimate you were still trying to stop yourself from looking into. You’d rather stay far away from him at this point, just to be sure.

The day has passed peacefully enough so far. You had to skip one of your morning lectures simply because it was one you shared with Isagi, but apart from that, manoeuvring the department hadn’t been so bad. You’re stuck to the side of the chemistry building now, the path to your dorm in sight if you can just make it past the campus shops.

You place one foot on the concrete, as if to test the waters, eyes still swivelling across the landscape, surveying the scene. The sound of your shoes slapping against the ground is the only thing that reverberates in your ears for a solid two minutes of your escape before you hear someone calling your name. You make the instinctual mistake of turning your face towards the noise, a familiar head of brown and pink hair shining at you from the distance. It’s Ness, and you only recognise him because Kaiser walks out of the shop he’s standing right beside a second later.

And as if things couldn’t get any worse, Kaiser looks straight at where you’re still standing, presumably after asking Ness who he was waving at. You don’t wait to see Ness point you out before you’re already running, a second sound of feet pounding against concrete following you down the road.

Your thighs start to burn about five seconds in, your breath coming in short, ragged gasps that take more of your energy the longer you run. But you never stop for a second, every time you hear Kaiser gaining on you, another weak burst of energy pushes you just far enough out of his reach. The only mistake you made was the right turn you failed to take when panic had taken over, so you’re no longer heading towards your dormitory, the crowd around you thinning into a few stragglers as you get to the more deserted side of campus. A few more meters and another wrong turn leaves you between two smaller buildings, surrounded by it’s solid brick walls, the only way out being back the way you came, which quickly gets blocked by Kaiser’s approaching form.

His hands slam against the wall behind you, your faces barely an inch away from each other, your breaths mixing in the air from how hard you two were running. The usual glimmering blue of his irises is now a dark, heavy navy that makes you shiver painfully. His nails are practically digging into the brick behind you, making a grating sound that grinds into your ears.

“You done ignoring me now? Did Yoichi tell you something?”

You immediately shake your head no, the panic you’re feeling very obvious on your face. His features soften a second later, a small scoff leaving his lips as his arms fall away from your sides, his body still blocking your exit.

“I wasn’t ignoring you on purpose.. and-” You stop yourself before Isagi’s name can even touch your lips, wary of the residual anger sitting on Kaiser’s face.

“And?”

“…”

He lets out another disgruntled sigh when you go quiet, pacing the space in front of you with a heavy hand in his hair. You watch him with a careful eye, your hand twitching as if it wanted to reach out to him, all while you’re still looking for an opening to sneak away.

“So you can jump into Yoichi’s bed no problem, but you can’t even speak to me?”

The pity that had taken hold of your limbs quickly turns into offence, your head shooting up to finally look Kaiser in the eye. His face is back up close to yours, his gaze digging into every corner of your face.

“That’s not what happened!”

“Then tell me what happened. Or I’ll think the two of you actually did something.”

You watch him bring a hand down to his face, pinching the space between his brows, jaw ticking like he’s trying to stop himself from saying anything more. The silence that passes between you two is oppressive, pushing down on your shoulders until you finally let them curl towards your chest, wondering how long you’re going to stand here before this dissolves.

It doesn’t take that long, though you don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not. Kaiser turns away from you, finally retreating towards the entrance of the hallway. He stops a few feet away, throwing an icy glare over his shoulder.

“Stay away from that clown.”

“And he’s such an ass! We didn’t even do anything, I was trying to help!”

“Mhm..”

Hiori nods for what you think is probably the tenth time that hour, his arm patting an absentminded rhythm into the fabric of your hoodie while he other hands attempts to manoeuvre the game blasting from his phone. You’ve been ranting ever since he opened the door to your teary-eyed look a few hours ago, letting you in with a small sigh. The soft material of his carpet presses into your back, almost lulling you to sleep if not for the fact that you were too busy getting every thing off your chest.

Since your run-in with Kaiser, your group has essentially spilt up. It wouldn’t look like much to anyone else, but it feels like a chasm to you. At first you thought every thing was alright, with both of them acting the way they usually did with you, until you realised things were only okay because they only ever hung out with you.

The first time you tried to bring Isagi to one of your study sessions with Kaiser, he’d locked up so fast you might as well have brought in a live animal. Kaiser started losing his temper immediately, snapping at every little thing Isagi said, barely answering any of your questions no matter how many times you’d asked. It had taken him five more minutes before he’d stormed off, leaving almost all of his things on the table.

Isagi isn’t much better either; Every time Kaiser comes up in conversation, he shuts down quick. You can tell he’s still trying to be polite, but no amount of politeness can stop the fresh wave of disgust that crosses his expression the second you even think of Kaiser.

“I’m starting to feel bad now..”

You turn your head towards Hiori, eyebrow cocked in confusion as he looks down at you too, finally putting his phone down for the first time since you started talking.

“Why?”

“I dunno, I just feel like if I hadn’t shown you those messages, then nothing would’ve changed between you three.” He shrugs, showing you a sad smile that makes you frown.

You never told Hiori about your little short lasting plan, so he most likely thinks things just deteriorated by themselves. The thought of it makes you want to cry again, but this is solely your fault. Your attempt to protect a friendship that’s clearly already broken apart is to blame.

“It’s fine you couldn’t have known, don’t worry about it”

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, one you haven’t had in a while, the sound of Hiori’s fingers hitting his phone screen reverberating throughout the small room. You let out a hum of satisfaction, almost ready to close your eyes and fall asleep when you feel Hiori shift closer to you.

“If you want to take your mind off things, we can go out”

That gets you up almost immediately. It’s been a while since you’ve been out, especially with friends. Kaiser and Isagi make that hard when they take up ninety percent of your time.

“Go where?”

“Some guys from the football club are going out to drink soon” He turns his phone to face you, presenting messages from a group chat you don’t mind looking at this time. “Some people from your course are probably gonna show up too.”

“You hate going to pubs though..”

Hiori lands a swift kick on your leg laying right beside him, not hard enough to bruise but you still make a show of holding the limb, complaining loudly with a pout on your face. He only laughs at you, flicking his leg out as if to kick you again, but thankfully it doesn’t connect.

“Yeah well I’m making an exception for you. If it’ll make you happy, we can go”

You can’t lie, as responsible as you want to be right now, you’ve been so stressed this past two weeks the thought of drinking away your feelings sounds really good. The probability of running into either Kaiser or Isagi makes your stomach turn, but Hiori will be with you, and at least you hope you’ll be too drunk by the time they come along.

…

The bar is a lot smaller than you thought it would be, but it’s still cute. Light beige and brown walls with the right amount of soft, golden lighting. The building’s tucked into a nice little corner, right between an office building and a convenience store. You can’t tell whether that’s good design or not. Warm air brushes against your face the second the two of you walk in, melting off the slight chill that you’d garnered by standing outside.

More people recognise Hiori than they do you, a few guys towards the back calling his name as he waves at them. You trail in behind him, greeting a few of your classmates as you pass their tables. It feels like a lot of them are eyeing you, wondering why Kaiser and Isagi aren’t hanging off you like they used to, though that might be your mind just making stuff up.

It happens subconsciously, but you find yourself already scanning the room for either one of the men in question. You breathe a sigh of relief when you don’t spot any of them, though some of your anxiety is still settled in your gut. You can’t guarantee they won’t come in later. Hiori’s club friends are nice; They make the effort to make space for you immediately, already pouring drinks and shifting snacks towards your side of the table. Conversation flows easy between them, but they still try to bring you in from time to time, asking as many questions as they can about you.

The drinks keep coming, you barely get to finish your first glass before someone’s pouring you another one. You can feel yourself getting tipsy now, the seemingly endless stream of beer now settling in your stomach. You’re laughing a lot more, the awkwardness you’d felt earlier now going to the wind, and you can’t seem to shut your mouth for a second. You’re currently in the middle of a story about one of your lecturers embarrassing you when a commotion cuts through your voice.

The whole table practically cranes their necks to see what’s going on, a small crowd forming at the pub’s entrance. You regret turning your head to look as well. Isagi is standing there, more drinks in hand, smiling at the horde of people now getting up to greet him. Your heart drops straight into your ass at the sight of him, hand coming up to cover the side of your face as you turn back to Hiori. Unfortunately, just like every other tactic you’ve tried, it doesn’t work.

“Is this seat occupied?”

The girl that had been sitting to your left jumps out of her seat before you can even think of the word “no”, insisting that she’s fine as she pushes Isagi into the space beside you. He flashes you a blinding smile, one that you can’t seem to find the energy to turn away from.

Thankful for how drunk you already are, you eventually turn your face towards literally anyone else, your eyes finding someone across the table. Sharp black hair, dark eyes, lazy smirk. Hiori introduced the man sitting across from you as Karasu, but you only remember his name when some of the alcohol has eased up.

“So..” You take a small sip, trying to bury some of your anxiety in your glass. “When are you guys having your next match?”

“Next week.”

The sound of Isagi’s voice immediately plunges the table into a bout of silence, but he doesn’t seem to notice, either that or he doesn’t care. His hand comes up to meet a lock of your hair, smoothing it between his fingers like he’s trying to memorise the texture.

“You should come watch, I’ll get you a seat.”

And that behaviour isn’t one off; All you can do is watch the time tick by on a nearby clock as Isagi interrupts the conversation almost every time. The second you start talking to someone else, he cuts in immediately, always with at least one hand attached somewhere to your skin. He does it with such a sweet smile and calm voice that no one really calls him out, though you can tell they want to judging by the looks they share every time it happens.

Another few minutes pass like that, alcohol still flowing through your veins, but it’s no longer making you as talkative as before. You almost want to turn to Hiori and beg him to take you back home, not that you’re having a bad time, Isagi’s behaviour isn’t enough to deter that. With your track record on luck, you’re certain something else is going to happen.

“Hey go sit somewhere else.”

Just like you’d predicted, only a second after you’d had the thought, someone kicks the leg of Hiori’s chair, jostling him out of the conversation he was just having. Even without turning around, you already know who it is, that arrogant way of speaking could only belong to one man.

Kaiser’s still glaring down at Hiori when you look up at him, his gaze flicking to you for a second before it’s back on him. You reach a hand out to Hiori, placing it on his upper arm like you can already sense him backing down. He gives you a sad smile, prying your hand off with a gentle patience. You watch him shift out of his chair, ambling towards where Karasu is sitting, before your vision is obscured by Kaiser’s face.

The stand off starts the second you start to get comfortable again. You’re still trying to keep the atmosphere at your table intact, especially when it feels like it’s your fault everything’s awkward. All your conversations are cut right at the root, and depending on which side you try to reach towards for snacks, either one of them reaches out first, either shifting a plate towards or away from you.

It’s starting to irritate you, and you hope from the curt tone of your voice, both men can tell. That doesn’t mean they stop. You find their hands encroaching on the space in front of you like they own it, shifting your drinks, bag, snacks, phone, like they’re trying to decide who can be more useful to you, as stupid as it sounds. No matter how much you glare at them, they don’t seem to let up, and it takes one more hand on your forehead, with a stupid remark from Kaiser about how drunk you are to snap.

Your eyes immediately lock on the glass sitting right beside Kaiser’s arm, completely ignoring the girl that just set it down. Your fingers wrap around it before anyone can say anything, tossing the drink down your throat with a loud burp. The drink hits the spot quickly, adding to your swayed consciousness a second after you slam down the empty glass.

“Now how does that feel, huh?”

Kaiser only looks at you like you’ve lost your mind, glancing between your smug face and the empty glass with an expression that’s starting to look a lot like worry. You want to say more, to poke at and irritate him until he decides to leave, but that’s hard to do when it feels like your tongue is melting into dry cotton. Kaiser’s face tilts in your vision, his form turning into two, then four, then six as your vision swirls in a constant circle while your head droops from side to side.

You feel Isagi’s hand come down gently on your shoulder, or at least it you think it’s him, from your shaky vision it looks like he’s sitting all the way across from you. Even through your warped vision, you can still sense the eyes of everyone in the room on you. It feels like you hear everything and nothing at the same time; The frantic thrum of your heartbeat, the concerned voices echoing around you, the blood currently rushing through your ears at a rate you can’t comprehend.

A cloying scent makes it’s way past your nose, like roses smothered in vanilla, wrapping around your throat until it feels like you’re choking on something other than your own drowsiness. For a second, you wonder if you’re going to witness another person going into heat but you don’t get to think for long before you’re dragged out of your seat, the sudden movement forcing you to topple into what feels like someone’s chest, a pair of sturdy arms coming up under your legs, lifting you into the air.

The last thing you feel is the chill of the night air blowing against your face, forcing your eyelids into a scrunch as your consciousness finally fades, a small fire still burning under your skin.

…

Your eyelids creak open to a dark ceiling, gold lighting spread across the surface from somewhere you can’t turn your head to see. The vanilla scent that had taken over isn’t gone yet, if anything it’s only intensified. A tired groan exits your lips when you try to move your limbs, the fire you’d thought had settled burning through your veins with every second that passes.

The voices you thought you’d imagined come to an abrupt halt, several hands pulling you up on what you can know see is a bed, pushing your back against the headboard. Kaiser jumps away from you the second you’re stable, as if your skin is made of hot coals, but with how much it feels like your organs are burning up, you probably are.

Isagi stays as close to you as he can, resting a careful hand on your forehead as you find yourself leaning into the touch, his cold palm giving you a tiny bit of respite.

You can’t help noticing the same flush resting on his cheeks, his gaze flicking away from your face every so often. He flinches violently when you place a hand on his arm, moving his hand to your scalding cheek. It’s hard to explain exactly what you want, but you know you don’t want him to stop touching you.

“Please..”

You don’t even know what you’re begging for, but Isagi seems to get the hint immediately. His face gets closer and closer until you can practically feel his breath on your face, his eyelashes fluttering against the warmth of your cheek. You don’t move an inch, almost leaning in as his lips slot against yours in a kiss the drags a small whine out of you. Isagi’s hand finds the skin of your waist, pushing up under your shirt, leaving another scorching trail against your body. You’re just starting to get into it, your body curving against his in an effort to get even more from him, when you feel something tangle at the back of your scalp, your lips making a loud smack as you get dragged away.

A shallow groan almost makes it’s way out of your throat before it’s swallowed by the lips that smash into yours a second later. Kaiser’s kiss is violent; Where it seemed like Isagi was trying to test your boundaries, trying not to upset you, Kaiser abandons any of that consideration as his tongue slides deep into your mouth, hand now gripping the back of your neck like he’s afraid you’ll run away.

You can feel the drool coating your lips, a single line tracing the curve down to your jaw, only making your desperation more obvious as Kaiser pushes you back against the mattress. The two of them swarm you the second you go down, leaving small marks littered across the skin of your neck. Every mark makes your core throb, your legs snapping together as your arousal starts leaking in between your thighs. You’ve thought about it more times than you can count; A beta’s inability to be marked, to truly bond with someone else. Now, that thought doesn’t lessen the arch in your back as both men sink their teeth into your flesh at the same time.

Kaiser bites hard enough to draw blood, the small droplets falling onto his tongue as he licks the teeth marks, the gesture giving you nothing but pleasure. Isagi’s bite is softer, just enough to let you know he’s there.

Their hands are frantic, tearing at the fabric of your bottoms, lifting up your shirt to reveal even more of your flushed skin. Kaiser moves first, shifting in between your legs, leaving hot, open-mouthed kisses along your skin as he trails downwards.

“Tell us if you want to stop..”

Isagi only leaves you a second before his mouth is back on yours, swallowing the wanton moan you let out while Kaiser practically rips off your underwear. The sheets beneath you dampen immediately, slick pooling underneath your already trembling thighs. Kaiser doesn’t mind at all, sliding his fingers in and out of his mouth with a wet pop, ecstatic gleam in his eyes, before you feel the stretch of his thick digits curling in exactly the spot you needed.

Your hips are floating off the bed, thighs aching from how hard you’re spreading them. Kaiser shifts your legs to his shoulder, making it harder for you to wriggle around while Isagi plants placating kisses along your face and neck, his hand wandering to your chest, rolling your nipple between his fingers until it pebbles under his touch. The pace Kaiser sets is brutal, the sound of his palm smacking against your skin enough to make you cum. You grind down against his fingers, chasing the feeling spreading across your abdomen, winding tighter and tighter, just waiting to snap.

The feeling takes over your limbs, locking them in place while your orgasm crashes through you, adding to the sensation already burning through your legs. Even more slick coats the bed sheets, staining Kaiser’s fingers as he slides them out of you. You can almost see him rocking his hips in tandem with you, hand clenched tightly over your thighs like he’s trying to restrain himself.

That restraint only lasts so long, with him peeling off the jacket that had clung so tightly to his body, showing off a set of muscles that makes your mouth water. His hand wraps around your ankle, dragging your body towards him until your hips are pressed flush together, the heat of his cock forcing a tremble into your thighs.

“Don’t do that, you’re being too rough”

Isagi crawls down the bed as well, throwing his own sweatshirt over the bed , his arousal obvious as you gaze up at him with half-lidded eyes.

“Relax..” Kaiser spreads your legs back open, his hand shooting down to grip the base of his cock, smirk deepening on his features, prodding your aching hole until you finally let out a whine that sounds awfully close to his name, your thighs clenching in anticipation. “You like it don’t you?”

Isagi tilts your head up a bit, forcing you to watch as your lower half swallows Kaiser whole, his hips twitching against the fat of your ass, hands planted on each side of your head. Isagi lets out a shuddering breath, as if he’s the one currently pounding into you so hard the sheets are bunching up around your waist.

The tears coating your lashes blur your vision, but you can still see Isagi unbuckling his pants, freeing his aching cock from the confines of his boxers. It springs out over your face, twitching with every breath that ghosts over it.

You know what to do before he even says anything, angling the thick length into your mouth while each sharp thrust from Kaiser rocks you back and forth. Your tongue ghosts over the head, drawing a shaky groan from Isagi, your throat relaxing to take as much of him as you can.

The sensation from both sides make you even more sensitive, your spine curving into the mind-numbing pleasure, Kaiser’s fingers digging into the flesh at your hips as he holds you down. He’s constantly manhandling your body, dragging you onto his cock with enough force to pull Isagi out of you. He makes up for it by sneaking an arm around Isagi’s neck, smashing their lips together so hard you think you heard something break.

The sight forces a low whine out of your throat, your drenched hole clenching down on Kaiser’s cock in a way that makes him groan into the kiss. He never stops thrusting into you, each brutal slap carrying you an inch further to your arrival. You let Isagi hold onto your shoulders, sliding his dick back into your mouth with a shaky sigh, his hips slapping against your face as fast as Kaiser’s.

A few sharp thrusts and you’re the first the cave, hips digging further into the mattress, slick spraying out of you as your abdomen trembles from the pressure. Neither of them slows down, Kaiser digging his thumbs into your thighs before he spills into you, breathing hard over your still form. A bit of white coats your vision, your mouth suddenly feeling empty as Isagi pulls out before cumming.

You barely get to blink before they’ve switched positions, Isagi positioning your tired limbs over his shoulders. You feel him slide the tip of his cock between your sore thighs, letting it catch a few times, not giving you what you want. One small keen from you and he finally gives in, a familiar stretch taking over as he fully leans in, pressing your thighs to the top of your head.

“Hngh.. I’ll be gentle, I-I promise.”

He’s not even listening to what he’s saying, his gaze focused on your gaping hole taking his cock inch by inch until he’s bottomed out, letting out another small gasp. His thrusts are sloppy, somehow quieter than the whimpers that escape from his lips every so often. He burrows his head into the crook of your neck, a wet space forming in your skin where the two of you are connected.

You’re so caught up in the unbearable pleasure smothering your form, you don’t realise Kaiser has moved again until he’s sitting behind Isagi, wetting his fingers again the way he had with you. You don’t actually see anything, just the way Isagi suddenly looks back, a low whine exiting your lips as his hips still.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Kaiser shushes him quickly, getting so close to his face you think they’re going to kiss again. He turns Isagi’s head for him, forcing him to look back into your glassy eyes.

“Just focus on what you’re doing.”

All you can see is Kaiser pressing against Isagi, their skin flush against each other, Isagi’s face passing through a range of emotions before it lands on a blushing restraint. Kaiser snaps his hips forward, and the force of it drives Isagi’s cock deeper into you, dragging a loud moan out of your mouth. He keeps moving like that, his pace too fast for either you or Isagi to keep up with, your moans mixing together in the air. Isagi keeps pushing down on you, the pressure of his body forcing your most sensitive areas in between both of your bodies. The pleasure starts to fog your mind, travelling straight down to where you and Isagi are connected, your third orgasm coming just as quick as the first two. Isagi cums straight after you, melting into your open arms with a twitch of his hips.

Your body gives up on you a second later, every bit of energy you’d been holding onto drains quickly, spilling onto the bed under you. You spread your hands over Isagi’s back, the heat still settled in your stomach begging for more contact, holding him even tighter. Your hips shift a little under him, still aware of how deep he’s buried in you. The last thing you see before your vision finally fades, is Kaiser getting off the bed, coming back with what looks like a towel before you’re out like a light.

Your head throbs painfully as a sliver of light makes it’s way under your curtains, crawling along the room floor until it reaches where you’re still sleeping. It takes you a while to roll out of bed, your aching back making it even harder than it usually is. You have Isagi and Kaiser to blame for that. Its been a day since your incident with them, something you can’t recall without your face flushing a bright red.

A part of you still doesn’t know what happened that day, why you’d started reacting like that at the bar. You remember the drink you’d chugged, the girl that had placed it down in the first place, but thinking too much about it makes your head hurt all over again.

When you’d woken up that morning to see both men laying beside you, covered in bite and scratch marks, clothes strewn across the carpet floor, you’d panicked. Putting aside the pain radiating through your lower half, you’d grabbed your clothes faster than anything, practically hopping out the door as you threw them on. You’d gotten home quick and safe, with an almost dead phone filled with messages from Hiori asking if you were okay. He was beyond relieved to know that you were, but that was all you could tell him, admitting what happened to someone else would make it too real for you.

You still can’t wrap your head around it. Even if whatever drug you’d ingested had affected them too, they seemed to eager to throw off your clothes. As if they had been waiting for this for a while.

The trek to your department is enough to make you want to turn back home immediately, but you only had one class this morning, and it was right before the weekend. You could get through your suffering for today and wallow in your room afterwards for the next two days. Luckily for you, you don’t see either Kaiser or Isagi in the theatre, taking your seat towards the front of the hall.

Your class is boring, in the way all classes are when they happen at a time when you’re still trying to wake up. But it ends just as quickly as it started, and for the first time in a while, you’re one of the first people trailing out of the classroom. It doesn’t take long before your luck seems to run out, the exact voices of the two people you didn’t want to see, coming from the hallway you’re about to turn down. Your shoes squeak painfully on the tile as you come to a stop, embarrassment cementing your limbs to the floor until it’s too late, both Kaiser and Isagi spotting you immediately.

Unlike your last run-in with Kaiser, your running spree doesn’t last long. You’re thinking clearer this time, taking longer paths through the department, ducking into classrooms when you need to, but that all goes down the drain the second the exit is in sight. Your fingers almost graze the doorknob, your escape right within reach for just a second before you’re dragged back into what feels like a solid wall, an arm curled around your waist.

“Found you.”

Kaiser throws you over his shoulder like you weigh nothing, saying something you can’t hear to Isagi before the three of you are headed back to where the classrooms are. It feels like forever until your feet finally touch the floor again, your eyes sweeping the classroom you’re in to see it’s one of those spare ones that are just used to hold spare chairs and tables. You’re placed on a nearby table, immediately cornered the the two hands Kaiser places on either side of your body.

Silence flows through the room like the wind currently flying in from the window. You keep your gaze trained on your hands folded into the fabric of your pants, too afraid to actually look any of them in the eye. You didn’t even have enough time to fully compute what happened yesterday, let alone think of what you would say if you bumped into them like this. The two of them don’t say anything either, most likely waiting for you to get over your mortification and speak first. The absolute stillness pokes at you for a few more seconds before you finally suck in a breath, staring up into Kaiser’s face with your chest puffed out as much as you can manage.

“I’m willing to forget what happened yesterday, we should take a-”

“So who are you going to go out with?”

All three of you pause, snapping your mouths shut as you try to comprehend the other’s sentence. The words “go out with” ring in your head like a mantra you’re trying not to memorise, and judging by the look on Kaiser and Isagi’s faces, they’ve just realised you were essentially trying to distance yourself from them.

“Wait.. you guys don’t actually-”

“You should go out with me first, I’ll treat you better” Isagi pushes Kaiser out of your face, grabbing your hand and getting as close as he can, enough to almost kiss you. Kaiser pushes him back, fist tangled in the hem of Isagi’s shirt as he stares at you with none of the vitriol he’s showing the man beside him.

“Bullshit. I’m better in bed, aren’t I?”

Flushed and filled with a new wave of embarrassment, you place a hand on each of their chests’, pushing them as far away from each other as possible.

“Ok, enough! Why would any of you be dating me?”

That seems to stop them in their tracks, anger melting off their features faster than you’ve ever seen before. They actually stare at each other for a while, nothing but disbelief taking over their expressions. Kaiser lets out a scoff that immediately makes your face burn hotter, and even though he’s holding it in, you can tell Isagi wants to laugh as well. He’s the first to snap out of it, taking your hand again with a gentle reverence.

“Because we like you..”

“Didn’t we make that obvious last night?” Kaiser pipes up as well, leaving behind his previous smirk for a earnest look you’ve never seen on him.

The mention of last night makes your stomach burn hot, the flush travelling all the way to the tips of your ears, your hands hanging stiff in their hands. You can’t shake off how serious they look, and no matter how much you try to gaslight yourself, you can tell this isn’t some prank. You really want to laugh at yourself, for thinking something would happen between them and push you out of the group; You were practically at the centre of it now.

Your gaze finds the floor once more, half shame, half embarrassment not letting you look into their eyes.

“Well.. I didn’t know that. And I don’t want to choose between you two.”

You already know first hand what it’s like to fear losing a friend, you can’t imagine inflicting that same pain on someone else. Your answer seems to make the two men happy, Isagi being the first to reach out and plant a small kiss on your cheek.

“If that’s what you want, then I’m okay with it”

Kaiser leans in right after, pressing his own kiss into the skin of your neck, making your shiver painfully. Isagi doesn’t move to save you, instead opting to make another mark on the other side of your neck, snuggling into the crook of it like he belongs there.

Barou slides your jacket off your shoulders, letting out a small huff, a barely imperceptible smirk on his face. He doesn’t dignify your teasing with a response, but the fact the he didn’t deny it is enough to keep you smiling. You trail behind his sturdy form, letting your gaze rake over the almost empty cafe. Small, white chairs and tables line the light beige flooring, tucked into neat corners, windows allowing the sun’s golden glow through it’s panes. Roses and fairy lights hang from every surface, hues of cute pinks and deep reds flying past as you keep walking. You’re getting deeper into the shop now, a more private section with dimmer lighting, your usual booth seat coming into view.

Nothing has changed since the day you’d first walked in here, and the memory still plays in your mind sometimes.

It had been a grey, cold afternoon. Heavy clouds hanging dangerously overhead, the sound of rain hitting every surface so hard it was the only thing you could hear ringing painfully in your ears. Work had been terrible that day, worse than any other day; Your boss had been on your case all day, constantly yelling if it took you longer than ten seconds to send him updates. He’d brought you out of his office, onto the main floor just to scream at you in front of everyone else.

By the time you’d trudged out of the building, your legs only managed to carry you a few blocks before they failed, leaving you crouched against the wall of a convenience store parking lot.

The tears had fallen within seconds, mixing in with the rain beating against your face, your chin trembling harder than your rapidly cooling temperature. You don’t remember how long you were out there for, but it was long enough for your light grey suit to turn the colour of charcoal, until the rain had suddenly stopped coming.

“You’re blocking the bins.”

Barou had stood over you, umbrella in hand, looking down at you with a neutral expression that almost made you cry again. It had taken you an embarrassing minute to figure out what he was talking about, your body taking up a good portion of space in front of the store’s trash. He’d stood with you for a while, pushing the umbrella closer and closer until you’d reached out to grab it, a startled scream shooting out from your lips when he took your hand instead, dragging you upwards.

Shock had kept you completely still as Barou’s hands travelled all over your damp clothes, brushing away bits of dirt you couldn’t even see. You never got to thank him properly that day, the last thing he’d done had been to force the umbrella into your hand before walking off, carrying his shopping bags into the torrential downpour.

After that, you’d made it your mission for a few days to find him. His weird, straight-forward kindness had gotten to you, it was almost exactly what you needed in that moment when you’d just wanted to let the ground swallow you whole. It took you quite a bit, but you found out where he worked; A butler cafe.

The concept wasn’t new to you, some of your colleagues and friends would gush about the more popular ones. But this one was different, solely because all the butler’s were beastmen. Ironically enough, the cafe wasn’t that far away from your apartment.

You’d felt out of place the second you walked in, awkwardly shuffling on your feet by the door until someone walked up to you. It had been some other beastman, a nice one nonetheless, who stood by you, trying to decipher your frazzled explanations. Then you’d locked eyes with Barou.

“I know them, I’ll take it from here.”

The beastman had bowed as he left, smiling at you one more time before it was just the two of you. Barou looked down at you, eyebrow raised as you rifled through your work bag.

“Uh, I wanted to give this back to you..”

“Thanks. You didn’t have to.”

Your fingers had touched for a brief second, but the brief second made your face burn a bright red. It almost felt like a hallucination, but till this day you swear he looked pleased to see his umbrella in perfect condition. Your feet had started shuffling towards the exit, slightly unwilling to leave but realising you didn’t have anything else to talk about. At least until your stomach had let out a loud rumble, much to your complete mortification.

“You wanna come in and eat something?”

All you could do was nod, keeping your head down as he went through the menu until you made a decision. The food was good, and the ambience helped soothe your nerves, but it was Barou passing by every second to check up on you, patiently listening to whatever questions or requests you had, even if his face made it look like he’d rather be anywhere else. That feeling kept you coming back every day and now here you were.

The clean booth seats feel right under your thighs, dragging you into their comfortable allure as an arm reaches over your shoulder, dropping a white and red menu onto your table. Barou’s hand comes up to meet you, gloves ghosting over your cheeks, brushing the hair out of your face.

“How was work?”

“Shit. It always is..”

Barou lets out a soft hum, standing behind you as your eyes scan over the menu, already catching on a few of your favourites. From time to time, you scan the tables around you, taking note of the two other people in the cafe. This was why you liked coming at this time, you could bother Barou without him having to rush over to other customers.

“Aren’t you gonna sit with me?” You’re looking up at him now, patting the space beside you with a sly smile.

“I’m busy..”

“With what customers?”

The argument is over before it even started. Barou had a weak defence and he knew that, the tired sigh he lets out a moment later tells you as much. He takes his seat beside you, eyebrows crinkling as you shift closer to him, your shoulders now touching. Both of you go over the menu for longer than necessary, with Barou pointing out meals you always order, and you picking out ones you think he’ll like so you can have him eat with you.

Your bodies keep getting closer, unintentionally but it still does damage to your already racing heart. His body heat melts into you, scrambling your brain further as you stutter out an order. Before you can actually finish, you feel something touch the back of your head, the menu flying out of your hands as you’re smushed into what feels like a brick wall.

“Watch where you’re going, you idiot!”

Your cheek is touching Barou’s chest, hands pressed against the muscles you can feel under his clothes. His hand is tangled in your hair, keeping you stuck to him as he glares at someone you can’t turn your head to see. The fabric of his jacket is soft against your cheek, somehow relaxing you further. You can hear the sound of someone frantically apologising, their blurry figure flying past your vision as you finally look back, immediately spotting the still steaming tea stain spread across the bit of cushion you were just sitting in.

Barou yanks you away from him, the heat dissipating in the space between you, his eyes raking over your form, checking for burns. Your eyes stay locked on where his sculpted stomach bulges against your hands, fingers slipping around his waist until he seizes them, pushing your wandering hands back into your lap.

“And you..” He’s glaring at you, not hard enough to actually intimidate, especially when you can see his tail twitching behind him. “Keep your hands to yourself.”

There’s a level of restraint hiding under the chiding tone in his voice, but you decide to let it go for now, watching as he stalks over to the stained seat, taking a pile of napkins from the hurried beastman that just rushed back.

Your food arrives soon after, the usual spread of rice, curries and soups making your stomach rumble loudly. The food is as good as always, warm seasonings that melt in your mouth. Unfortunately for you, you can’t get Barou to eat with you, your pleas drowned out by his firm refusal. Clearly you’d reached the limit of his favour today.

That doesn’t mean he’s ignoring you though.

Just like always, he attends to other customers all while his gaze is still locked on you, taking longer paths around the cafe to pass by and ask if you’re okay. Even with the usual treatment, the relaxation slowly spreading through your veins, you don’t stay for much longer. Barou locks eyes with you the minute you start getting ready to leave, as if he’d predicted it, gathering your coat and bag before leading you towards the door.

You let him dress you, leaning into the way his fingers ghost over your skin, the momentary reprieve forcing you to think of the work you have left to do.

“Are you free tomorrow?”

Barou’s hands pause over your shoulders, just for a second before they brush away some dust. He folds them behind his back, tilting his head towards you as his legs shift backwards.

“You mean you don’t know my entire schedule already?”

He shrugs at the slight glare you give him, letting his gaze wander a step to the side before he answers.

“I have work tomorrow.. why?”

“You should let me take you out someday” The words easily roll off your tongue, the way they always had every time you left the cafe for the day. It’s become a habit of yours for weeks now, the confession always uttered in a teasing manner so it never sound serious enough for you to get rejected outright. You haven’t succeeded yet, but that hasn’t stopped you. And Barou has never rejected you firmly enough to force you to stop.

“Maybe, we’ll see.”

The chime of the cafe’s door rings in your ears, alerting several of the beastmen nearby. Melted chocolate and the smell of slowly baking pastries washing over your form as you step beyond the cosy threshold. It’s only been a day since the last time you were here but it feels like it’s been forever. Barou is not the one who greets you this time; A nervous face, quivering maw and shaky hands being the first thing you see. It’s a dark labrador beastman, staring at you with an unnecessary amount of fear as he practically bows deep enough to touch the wooden flooring.

He doesn’t come up for a while, but when he does, you can read the name “Tokimitsu” written on the small name tag placed on his chest. You don’t mean to, but a slight disappointment crosses your features, and Tokimitsu immediately picks up on it, the anxiety ridden frown on his face growing deeper.

“You’re upset.. I can see it on your face! Aahh.. I’m sorry! I’m the only one here today”

You rush to reassure him, waving your hands in a frantic panic that reflects the one hanging off his every word. Even with the earlier time you came at, there’s still barely anyone sitting at the tables, and you’ve never been happier to see that. It takes you a solid minute to calm him down, the panic slowly melting off his face, morphing into a relieved smile that almost makes you want to reach out a pet him.

The tail hanging from his black slacks sways softly from side to side, distracting you as you make your usual journey through the cafe. The menu is in your hands before you’ve even sat down, with Tokimitsu hovering over your shoulder, nervously watching as you try to find a way to ask for Barou without making him panic again.

You let out a small cough into your hands, gazing up into his still quivering lashes. “So.. do you usually work alone?”

“Ah..no. We usually don’t get that many customers on the weekends, so we’ll only have about one or two butlers on shift..”

Tokimitsu looks relieved when you simply nod, going back to looking at the menu in front of you. Sometimes you forgot you were one of the only ones that came in here regularly. You’d seen curious people trudge in, scanning the perimeter with judgemental eyes, you’d seen them walk out just as easily the second they noticed any of the beastmen. And work never allowed you enough freedom on weekends to come to the cafe, so this was really a shock to you. A heavy sigh drags your attention away from the food once more, Tokimitsu flashing you a pained smile.

“Technically, I’m not supposed to be alone today..” His eyes flick off your face, now trained on the bit of floor beside him. “Barou-kun was supposed to be with me, but he didn’t show up. Maybe he had a family emergency..”

The mention of Barou’s name makes your spine shoot up straighter, pupils blown wide in a mix of shock and worry. It doesn’t look like Tokimitsu knows any more, but you still want to ask, you almost want to ask for his number so you can speak to him yourself. Your lips press together in a thin line, a gesture of restraint that manages to keep the questions hanging off your tongue at bay. Several minutes pass before you start ordering, speaking as slowly as you can to match Tokimitsu’s frantic scribbling.

“..Will you be using any of your customer points today?”

The confusion settled on your features must’ve been extremely obvious, because Tokimitsu doesn’t say anymore, rushing through the main cafe into the staff area for a few minutes before he’s back, shoving a tablet into your face. You take the small, black device out of his hands, scanning the open webpage with even more confusion than before. It’s a simple page, one you would expect from a shopping site, each option listed with their varying point prices.

With every bit you scroll past, recognition starts to dawn on you; You remember times when you’d passed by other customers getting massages, special greetings and little performances for special occasions. The one time you’d been tempted to ask, you managed to convince yourself it would be too much of an embarrassment , especially since you knew Barou would probably scoff at you for asking.

The options range from massages costing about 500 points to private arrangements costing up to 40,000 points. Your mouth subtly drops open in shock. It made sense that the more cheaper options were small, easily attainable things, but the price of the nicer ones are still enough to make you do a double take. You can’t imagine how long it would take to get enough points for the most expensive package. Your fingers scroll across the screen automatically, eyes snapping to the item listed at the very bottom of the page.

Private dinner package (18:00-21:00)………… 100,000P

The price makes your heart stutter, but that quick disbelief is replaced by a sharp bout of shame that takes over your body as your eyes flick towards the upper corner of the screen.

Your balance…. 155,000P

Every thought you’d harboured in your head about the unattainability of the most expensive packages flies out of your head, the tablet dropping into your lap as you close your eyes in an attempt to stop yourself from cringing. Of course you would be the one to prove yourself wrong. Tokimitsu takes the tablet back from you, watching as you shake your head, giving him a small smile.

Once the shame had passed, Barou had been the first one to come to your mind, but even with the excitement buzzing in your veins, you would have to wait till he was actually around.

It doesn’t take long for Tokimitsu to come back with your food, the tired look on his face almost tempting you to get up and help him, but he manages. He doesn’t leave your side for a long time, his gaze boring into the back of your head, making it harder for you to eat. You wrap up quickly, finishing the last dish in time to watch the sun sink low beneath the horizon. Tokimitsu scrambles after you with your coat, throwing it over your shoulders before you turn back to him one last time.

“I left some dishes on the table, could you pack and give them to Barou the next time you see him?”

Tokimitsu quickly agrees, not that you expected him to say no, promising he would make sure Barou got the dishes. You wave at him one last time, relishing in the soft chime of the door’s bell as the door shuts behind him, warm sunlight ghosting over your face.

You’d like to think this is the longest you’ve kept to schedule, the highest streak for how long you can waltz into the cafe. You’ve been coming in everyday for a week now, always on time, sitting in your regular booth till the already small amount of customers started filtering out.

And Barou hasn’t shown up once.

You’ve experienced the same process so many times you’re sure you could manoeuvre through it in your sleep; You would be welcomed in as per usual, walk to your seat while subtly trying to spot locs of dark black hair, or soft orange fur. Sit down and pretend everyone didn’t know exactly who you were there for, watching as the beastman on duty shook their head to your questions every time.

You were worried the second Tokimitsu told you Barou wasn’t around, and that worry has only amplified with every second that passes. The other beastmen are trying to reassure you as much as they can, that much is obvious, but you’re still upset. You can’t even ask about him properly, otherwise you’ll look like some creep; A customer asking for the information of a worker just to “check up on him”.

The white net door of the cafe makes way for you once more, shoulders already slumped in resignation as a few voices rise to greet you. The first face you see is actually one you recognise this time; Calm orange irises, soft blonde feathers, sharp beak spread into a serene smile. You’ve known Snuffy since the third week in a row you’d come to the cafe, back then it took him less than five seconds to realise why you kept coming back, your crush just as obvious as it is now.

He’d treated you nicely since then, your frequent visits making you a special person in his business and his heart. The two of you aren’t that different in age, but he still treats you like you’re ten years younger. He glances up briefly as you approach the till, holding his hand up to stop you before you can even open your mouth to speak.

“You don’t have to ask, your boyfriend isn’t in today”

He lets out a light chuckle as you slump over the white counter top, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. The sound of Snuffy counting money over the register reverberates in your ears, taking over for a second before you finally raise your head again.

“Don’t say it like that.. you know I’m just worried”

“I know.” The sound of the register slamming shut reverberates in your space, Snuffy folds his arms across his chest as he stares down at you. “He’s fine, just a little sick.”

That doesn’t calm your nerves the way Snuffy apparently thought it would. You knew the way Barou behaved, having experienced all of his moods almost every week. He was annoyingly hard-headed.

The image of him stewing in his room, trying to tough out a simple cold is already planted in your mind. That was probably why the cold had lasted for this long. You can still feel Snuffy’s gaze trained on the side of your face, his eyes softening just a bit before he turns to the workspace behind him, the sound of scribbling floating past your ears.

You watch him flip your hand over where it was flat against the counter, dropping a small piece of paper into your palm. It’s an address, hastily scrawled onto the white sheet with a noticeable amount of urgency. Snuffy taps a talon against the paper, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he flashes you a light smile.

“I wouldn’t do this for anyone else, but I know you’re being genuine.” He shrugs his shoulders, amusement crossing his features for a second. “Plus, between you and me, I think he’d like it more if you visited him”

You’re already thanking him profusely before he’s finished speaking, nearly smacking your forehead into the counter with how deep you’re bowing. Snuffy only brushes you off, chuckling lightly as you rush out of the building.

…

It’s embarrassing how long you stumble around the area for. From what you can see on your phone, Barou’s house isn’t that far from the cafe, but that doesn’t help your poor directional skills. It also doesn’t help that you’re carrying two bags of cold medicine, vegetables, and vitamins, the plastic weighing down your arms, adding to the sweat beading across your back. Another agonising fifteen minutes and you’re finally standing in front of his home, panting so loud you’re surprised Barou hasn’t come out to see what’s going on.

You pick the paper Snuffy gave you out of your pocket, comparing the written address to a nearby street sign. Even with the nameplate of Barou’s family name plastered right next to the door, you can’t help but worry you might be knocking on the wrong door.

The minutes keep ticking endlessly as you stand there, hand raising and falling as you rehearse the monologue you’d written in your mind on the way here. Your hand finally makes the choice for you, rapping against the wood in a sharp knock that makes you flinch. The sound echoes in the space around you, fading into the air and coming back as the muffled pitter patter of feet against wood. It sounds like someone’s fiddling with the door, it’s silver knob rattling slightly before the door finally opens.

A small face peeks up at you from behind the door, filling up the gap in the entryway. It’s a little girl; Bright orange fur and black streaks puffing up her chubby face, her light brown eyes scan your face in an obvious confusion, inky black hair smoothed over her shoulders. She looks so much like Barou it almost puts you in a permanent state of shock. This wasn’t part of any scenario you made up in your mind. The girl shuffles back and forth on her feet, sneaking glances towards the space behind her, shushing someone you can’t see before she’s facing you again.

“..Um, my parents aren’t at home.. and I’m not allowed to open the door for strangers..”

Her high-pitched voice snaps you out of your shocked stupor, your hands coming up to wave frantically, shaking your head before she can fully shut the door.

“Oh no, I’m a friend of your brother.. I came to check up on him”

You barely get to finish your sentence before she throws the door open, smiling a lot wider than the nervous grimace she’d given you before. There’s another girl standing behind the door, younger with a face just as fluffy as her sister’s, her hair packed into neat braids that fall over her shoulders. The older girl grabs your hand, only giving you a second to collect your bags before she’s dragging you inside. You almost want to stop and lecture her, her blind belief in your excuse worrying you a bit, but she’s moving you too fast for you to stop and talk.

“Nii-chan is really sick right now..but he won’t rest! You said you’d help him, right?”

Both of you are in front of what you assume is Barou’s room, the two girls giggling in your direction as they playfully knock on the door, running away faster than you can comprehend. The door opens a second later, keeping you in place as Barou’s face comes into view. You can tell from one glance he’s still sick; The for on his forehead is matted, his eyes sunken deep into his skull, tail twitching erratically. Even with the tiredness settled on his features, he manages to raise an eyebrow at your sudden appearance.

“What are you doing here?”

It takes you a while to respond, but you finally snap out of it, shoving the plastic bags in his face with a nervous smile. “Snuffy sent me, and I heard you were sick. I brought some stuff..”

The complicated look Barou gives your groceries doesn’t help the rapid pounding in your heart, a layer of sweat slowly forming across your face, the silence stretching for far longer than you’d like. Your gaze flicks away from his face, trained on the stairs you’d just come from a few minutes ago.

“Can I use your kitchen..?”

For a second, it almost looks like he’s going to throw you out, though you can’t tell if that’s your overactive imagination talking or something else. But he doesn’t, letting out a withered sigh as he pushes himself off the door frame of his room, looking back at you one last time before he’s padding downstairs.

The kitchen is spotless, not that you expected it to be dirty, but you almost feel bad as you dump your heavy bags onto a nearby counter, watching the space around you for any dirt you could’ve dragged in. Barou stands right beside you, leaning against the kitchen sink, pointing out the locations of different cutlery whenever you ask. You get the hang of things a few minutes later, cutting the vegetables and meat with ease, preparing the soup recipe you have flashing on your phone to the best of you abilities.

The two girls pop in from time to time, their furry little heads peeking behind nearby counters, watching you with an adorable childish curiosity. You can only stand it for five seconds before you’re turning to smile at them, crouching down with a spoonful of broth to taste. They don’t even hesitate, their faces lighting up with joy as they compliment the soup, your hand trembling in an effort to stop yourself from pinching their cheeks.

That doesn’t mean everything’s going perfectly.

You’re not the cleanest cook in the world, both you and Barou can see that. You feel your body cringe every time you stir too hard, or miss the bin with your trash, leaving bits of food scattered along the kitchen. And every time, Barou rushes towards the mess with a towel already in his hand, returning the space back to it’s previous spotless state before you can even fathom what happened.

He never listens to you either, every word you utter about him needing to rest is swiftly ignored.

The soup is simmering now; Beef, potatoes and carrots swimming in a vivid brown broth, spreading a calming smell across the house. Barou is still cleaning a spot right beside you, his entire focus on getting a brown stain off the white marble.

“You’re sick. You’re meant to be resting, just leave this to me” You take handfuls of his dark tank top, pulling until he finally lets you drag him away, placing him in the seat of his dining table.

He only grumbles out a sarcastic response, flopping his head into his palm as you place a neat, steaming bowl in front of him. Contrary to the pouty upset plastered on Barou’s face, it seems like he likes the soup, spooning big bites into his mouth as you measure out the medicine you brought, counting out pills into your warm palm. Barou takes the medicine from you with a soft hum, giving the capsules a once over before popping them into his mouth, drowning them with water.

The moment passes peacefully; Your hands coming together in a pattern of soft clinks as you wash the pots and dishes, Barou’s body heat snaking around your form from where he’s standing right next to you. He lets you drag him back upstairs, his body bending to your will while you focus on tucking him back into bed.

A comfortable silence envelops the two of you, wrapping softly around your form as the sound of Barou’s stuttering breaths reach your ears. You’re staring down at a cold patch packet, turning it over in your hands, looking for the opening flap when a warm hand falls over your own. Barou drags your arm towards his chest, folding it over his beating heart. You can tell he’s fighting sleep, his eyelids fluttering rapidly at you, snout widening into a loud yawn.

“I need my hands to open the patch..”

“..Mmh”

Barou lets out a soft grumble, holding onto your hand even tighter for a second before he lets go long enough to allow you tear open the icy cloth, smoothing it across his furry forehead. He captures your hand again the second you’re done, intertwining his clawed fingers with yours as his eyelids finally snap shut.

Time flows faster around your completely still form, the ticking of a nearby clock resonating in your head until your gaze flicks to the window, watching the sun set beneath the window sill. You manage to snake your hand out of Barou’s grip after a while, every movement drawing a quiet huff from him that makes you jump. You leave the rest of the medicine on the desk beside him, putting pressure on the tips of your feet while your sole focus remains on sneaking out of the room as quietly as possible.

The girls are squatting in front of the door when you emerge, shifting slightly to let the door shut behind the three of you. You silence their frantic questions with a small “hush”, escorting them back downstairs as you wander around the kitchen and dining area, packing up your leftover groceries.

The girls don’t want to let go of you, their tiny clawed fingers digging into the fabric of your jeans, the two of them playing tug of war with your body at the house’s entrance. You’re not that great with children, but the hasty promise you give them to return the next day seems to work, their upset pouts melting into fervent giggles.

And it wasn’t exactly a lie. Today had gone so well, you were planning to come back sometime next week if Barou would let you. But now, looking at the hopeful smiles on the two girls as they wave goodbye, it’s very clear you have no choice, you’re going to have to move that visit to tomorrow.

Caring for a sick person is usually hard. You have to constantly measure their temperature, make sure they eat properly, feed them medicine almost every hour of the day. And god forbid they’re so sick you need to start cleaning up vomit too. But somehow, Barou seems to be the perfect patient.

Just like you’d promised his sisters, you show up on time the next day, bags full of ingredients and another easy recipe saved to your phone. Barou had been the one to open the door that day, eyeing your groceries with another bout of wary tiredness. But eventually, he had stepped aside and let you in, trying to take the bags from you before you’d shooed him away.

The girls have fully gotten used to your presence, if you thought they were friendly before, they basically treated you like family now. Like clockwork, the second you drop your groceries in the kitchen, they would pounce on you, hugging your legs and pulling at your clothes in an effort to get you to play with them, before Barou would have to step in.

The way Barou treats you is also changing. You were okay with what the two of you had; You liked teasing him and relished in the disgruntled responses he gave you. But he seems calmer now, only humming out brief noises no matter what you say. The longer you keep coming back, the more it seems like you have control over the kitchen. Barou doesn’t butt in when you inevitably spill something, watching carefully as you wipe it up, almost like he trusts you more.

He still sticks close to you while you cook, his body heat infiltrating yours as a sliver of space remains between you too, his gaze flicking to your face from time to time. One day, he’d gotten too close, his head falling into the crook of your neck as he pointed into your simmering pot.

“Add more chicken.. it looks bland”

Your body reacted instinctively, shoulders jumping away from his touch, but that had only made it worse. On the same instinct you were moving with, Barou’s hand shot out to steady you, the warmth of his palm radiating through the skin at your hip. Both of you froze in that position for a solid minute before awkwardness had taken over and you’d both jumped apart.

…

“You’re actually pretty responsible.. I’m surprised”

Barou is sitting in the dining area now, hunched over the table you’re seated on, spooning your latest creation into his mouth with an intensity that doesn’t match his usual grumbling. He’s looking a lot better now, the irritated lethargy he’d shown a few days prior completely gone. You’re counting out his pills into your hand the way you have this whole week, your leg shooting out to land a swift kick on Barou’s arm. It misses, much to your dismay, but that doesn’t the deter the scowl you give him instead.

“I’m a fully grown adult, I can take care of someone else.” You drop the tablets into his open palm, using the opportunity to strike at his shoulder. “I’m even older than you!”

He doesn’t respond, clearly revelling in the response his provocation has drawn out of you. You watch him swallow the medicine, his body shifting to dodge the second kick you direct his way.

“Yeah? It doesn’t feel like it”

This time, it feels like he’s learnt to shut up and retreat, taking his bowl back to the kitchen as you focus on digging through your bags, fishing out a cheap thermometer you’d managed to buy on the way here. Barou walks back in a moment later, taking his previous seat beside you. He protests a little as you try to manoeuvre the thermometer into his mouth, finally letting it hang from his lips after the sharp look you give him.

“Yep, you’re a lot better now..” The thermometer reads a neat 30°C, drawing a satisfied hum from you as you throw it into a nearby trash can. “But you should probably stay home for a while longer.”

Barou lets out a deep sigh, his neutral expression crumpling into one of deep annoyance. You watch him roll his eyes, waving a carefree hand in the air.

“You know I can’t, that shitty boss won’t let me.”

He shoots a sharp glare at the laugh you let slip, watching as you gather your things, trailing behind you on your journey to the front door. Both of you stop right at the entrance, your moment interrupted by the girls barrelling in to hug you goodbye, before they’re running back to their previous business. You feel a warm hand grasp your upper arm as you turn to the door, Barou staring down at you like he’s trying to find something on your face. You let him keep you there, staring back up at him with an obvious amount of confusion. The silence is broken by a quiet huff, Barou letting go of your hand as his fingers come up to play with the ends of his hair.

“I’ll see you at the cafe..”

You haven’t been to the cafe in one week, two days, ten hours and thirty five minutes.

You started losing your mind a long time ago.

The amount of work that’s been piling up in your inbox is enough to whittle your days down into three points; Go to the office and get work done, come back home and get work done, and stay up late to get more work done, before you have to repeat the process all over again. With all the impromptu presentations and documents you’ve had to sort through, you’ve started falling back into old habits.

The ingredients in your fridge are starting to rot, the energy you would’ve used to make home cooked meals now spent on your laptop. You’ve been wearing the same suit for a while now, by the time you wake up with dread settled deep in your stomach, you can never find the time to pick out something else.

You can feel the stress rapidly building up in your body, leaking out of your watering eyes as you stare at your laptop screen for hours on end. And you can’t even pop into the cafe for a second, not even to tell Barou that you won’t be coming in for a long time. It feels like you’ve abandoned him, even if he probably didn’t think the same.

You can already imagine his face, the slight crease between his brows, his gaze constantly flicking to the door, waiting for you to walk in and bother him like usual. Or maybe the overtime is forcing you to make things up.

The bright sheen of your laptop screen digs into your eyes, weaving into your skull, settling into a pebble that soon forms an incoming headache. The light wood beneath your elbows digs into the skin, barely keeping your eyelids open, another yawn dragging itself out of your mouth. You can feel your head dropping into your folded arms, the edges of your vision slowly growing dark until you finally let the exhaustion take you. You’re staring into the inky black darkness of your own subconscious for what feels like hours, before a sharp knock snaps you out of it.

A heavy grogginess takes over, swirling your vision into a series of colours you try not to focus on as you shakily stand up, carrying your tired form to the door. You stand there for a moment, palm against the wood, waiting for the silence that would confirm the knocking you’d heard before was another sleepy hallucination.

But it comes again, louder this time in a noise that immediately makes you jump. It takes you another moment to get yourself together, smoothing down the wrinkles in your worn sweatshirt before you open it.

Barou’s gaze flicks to your face the second you open the door, concern crumpling his features, while shock spreads across yours. It looks like he’s just gotten off work, the casual clothes hanging over his built form tells you that, the rustling of the bags in his hands drawing your attention for a second before it’s back to his face.

“Can I come in?” His voice jolts you out of your thoughts, almost scrambling your brain further.

“..What are you..?”

He cuts you off with a shrug, raising the bag for you to see properly. “You took care of me last time, I wanna return the favour.”

Your heart’s beating frantically in your chest, each thump sending a wave of heat down your neck. The air feels warmer now, scratching at the skin of your cheeks. You can feel the hand on your door tremble, your nails digging into the wood until you finally shift to the side, watching as Barou walks in.

Your tiny apartment doesn’t compare to his family home, you don’t even need to show him to the kitchen when it’s one of the first things you see from the door. Barou drops his bags on one of the counters, fishing out several ingredients just like you had a week ago at his house.

“Have you had dinner yet?”

He turns around in time to watch you shake your head, jabbing your thumb at your work setup still sitting idly on the table behind you.

“No, been too busy to eat anything..”

You watch him nod, the rustlings of his plastic bags breaking the silence between you two. It feels like he already knows your kitchen inside out, picking out pots and pans without you having to point them out, navigating your house like he lives here with you. At some point, your legs had carried you to the spot directly beside him, your body leaning back and forth until you’d finally rested your head on his shoulder. He hadn’t moved for a solid second, the muscles of his arms tensing slightly, before he’d relaxed. Soon enough, your entire apartment is thick with a warm curry smell that makes your stomach rumble painfully.

“I didn’t see you around the cafe..”

You’ve been pushed off his shoulder now, forced back into a corner of the kitchen as Barou starts to clean up, swishing one of your dish towels over the counters.

“Work kept me away.. I still have shit to do right now” The thought of all the documents you have to sift through is enough to make you let out a sigh, a heavy one that steals the breath out of your lungs. Barou stops wiping then, turning to you with what you’re probably imagining is a look of concern.

“Want me to give you a massage?”

The question hangs in the air, eventually fading into a silence so light you think you imagined it. Barou stares back at the shock on your features with a raised eyebrow, like you’re the one acting out of character. For a while, you don’t even know how to respond, a barely imperceptible laugh escaping your lips after what feels like forever, the heat slowly crawling up your face now too hot to ignore.

“..You know you’re not at work, you don’t have to-”

“I know.” He’s standing in front of you now, looking down at you with a certain softness that cuts into the blush melting off your cheeks. “I just want you to relax.”

You don’t even realise you’re nodding until Barou turns you around, his hands firmly planted on your shoulders as he guides you to the couch seated in the middle of your apartment. The material feels soft under your thighs, caressing the skin peeking out of your lounge wear as you melt into the seat for the first time today.

Barou starts immediately, his hands kneading a comforting path along the back of your neck, practically moulding your shoulders into putty. You lean into his touch like a sunflower looking for morning light, your eyelids fluttering closed in a state of relaxation you haven’t felt in a while.

The massage is perfect, and you can tell Barou knows from the satisfied hum he lets out every time you lean into his hands in any position. The two of you sit in silence for a long time, but it’s a comfortable one that caresses the edges of your conscious into a deep slumber. At least until Barou’s thumb strokes the base of your neck, sending a deep shiver up your spine. He stops when you jump, looking down at you in confusion before you brush him off.

You would’ve gone back to your casual rest, the sleep already tugging at your eyelids again, if Barou’s hands didn’t keep going over that area, your face now an embarrassing shade of red. It takes you a few more “accidental” brushes before you break, placing your hand over his as you stare up at him.

“I’m beginning to think you’re doing this on purpose..”

You watch him shrug, his lips struggling against the smirk clearly tugging at them.

“I don’t know what you mean”

The suspicion swirling around in your eyes must’ve done something because Barou keeps his hands mostly to himself, avoiding any spots that could’ve made you embarrass yourself. The gentle silence wraps itself around you, relaxing your limbs again, but you don’t let your eyes close this time, your gaze focused on studying the gentleness still hanging off of Barou’s features.

“The cafe was quiet without you.”

“Does that mean you missed me?” You watch his gaze flick to the side, circling the space around you to avoid confronting the mischief in your eyes. He doesn’t respond, but just like every other conversation you’ve had with him, it isn’t enough to deter you. Barou lets you take his hand on yours, watching carefully as you press your lips into the cushion of his fur, smiling up at him a second later.

“Well I missed you, I’m sorry I was gone for so long”

The words die in your throat as his hand snakes under your chin, keeping your face in place, your eyes widening as you can only watch him lean closer to you. Your faces are an inch away, so close it would only take a higher tilt of your chin to push your lips together. And you don’t even have to make the first move, the warmth of Barou’s lips touching yours before you can even think about it, your eyes fluttering shut as you lean into him.

The kiss barely lasts a second, Barou’s body heat gone before you can even mourn the loss. The familiar blush sizzling under your skin leaves you light-headed, your vision practically swivelling as you watch Barou return to the kitchen, approaching your dining table with two steaming bowls of rice and curry. Your legs seem to be inactive, the muscles under your skin thrumming so violently, you can’t push yourself out of the plush couch.

Barou gets the idea without you having to say anything, gently taking your hand, lifting you up with another hand at your waist to steady you. The two of you eat in relative silence; Any questions you have about work, his sisters, his well-being are answered with one word responses.

You can tell it’s not because he doesn’t want to talk to you, but the awkwardness hanging in the air from your kiss is making it hard to eat.

Barou manages to clean up just as fast as he had set up in your kitchen, the space now cleaner than when he’d come in. You don’t even get to help, every time you shuffle towards him and let your hand even ghost over a plate, his hands are already on your shoulders, pushing you back into your leather couch. He only lets you hover near him as he’s standing by your front door, your fingers tightly clutching the sleeve of his black and red racer jacket, gaze trained on the floor beneath your feet.

“It’s late, I have to go.”

You can feel your head nod in agreement, the time on your clock ticking past eleven at night, but you don’t let go, your hand digging even harder into the fabric of his clothing. He shifts closer, fully facing you now, body crouched so low you can almost see his face.

“Do you want me to stay?”

Your head snaps up then, the implication making your face burn. Barou almost looks disappointed when you let go of his jacket, raising an eyebrow as you frantically shake your head.

“No! No it’s fine.. your sisters are probably waiting for you..”

He takes a step closer to you, letting out a light scoff as you try your hardest not to look at him. All that work is flushed down the drain when his fingers find your chin, dragging you upwards until your lips are meeting in another soft kiss. This one lasts longer, long enough for you to let out a choked whine when the two of you separate.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

Barou doesn’t let go until you nod, planting another kiss on your cheek before he finally turns to the door, giving you one last look that cuts straight into your heart. The silence of your apartment takes hold of you the second the door snaps shut, but it can’t compare to the heavy thudding of your heartbeat, a sound that resonates in your ears, through the empty space. So loud you’re certain Barou can hear it as he’s trudging home.

It feels like the day you’d first walked into this cafe; Nervous, sweating, and so embarrassed you’d hoped the ground would just open up and swallow you. You almost feel nostalgic, if not for the fact that you were too busy trying to see if Barou was in, and calculating how easily you could just turn around and run away.

“How long are you going to stand there?”

The door nearly smacks into your face, but you can still see Barou’s face clear as day, staring down at you with an amusement you can tell he’s trying to hide. You straighten up immediately, smoothing your clothes down as you flash him a nervous smile, embarrassment threatening to take over your body. He doesn’t say anything else, as if he can tell you want to speak first.

“..I finished most of my work today, I’m free now” You end the sentence with an awkward high-pitched laugh but Barou doesn’t seem to mind.

“Yeah? Welcome back.”

The humid warmth of the cafe practically wraps itself around your shoulders, caressing your muscles into a relaxed hum. You only realise how much you’ve missed being here as your shoes dig into the wooden flooring, padding your path all the way to your usual seat. The leather drags you in, your limbs melting into the fabric as you smooth your hands over the seat, like it’s the first time you’ve been here. Barou drops your jacket on the space to your right, a menu floating down onto the table right in front of you.

Before you can even look up to thank him, Barou takes a seat beside you, shifting closer until you can feel the heat of his thigh pressing against yours through your clothes. The sudden movement makes your body jump painfully, but you get no reaction from him, his arm coming up behind your head, the other one pointing out your usual dishes on the menu. His finger finds an image of the katsu rice curry he’d made for you yesterday, his eyes finally flicking up to your face.

“You should get that, I’ll make it the same way I did yesterday”

The mention of yesterday’s events makes your face heat up all over again, and you can tell he did it on purpose by the smirk still lingering on his lips. You push the menu towards his chest, attempting to shift your body as far away from him as you can muster without his arm coming up to drag you back.

“Order whatever you want..”

You watch Barou take the menu back carefully, at least doing you the favour of not teasing you further as he trudges back to the staff area. Your head falls into your hands, your ears still sizzling a bright red. It’s humiliating how much you’ve wanted this, and now that you have it, you’re too much of a coward to properly reciprocate any affection. You stay in that crouched position for what feels like hours until a hand finds your forehead, forcing you to look up at the plates of food now spread across your table.

Still intent on fully embarrassing you, Barou takes a seat beside you once more, swiftly picking up nearby chopsticks, offering you a bite so close to your lips the only thing you can do is accept it.

You don’t even get to ask him why he’s doing this before another spoonful is right up against your face. He keeps feeding you like that for the next several minutes, giving you water when your throat starts to run dry, waiting when you hold up a hand to stop him, until about two of the dishes are cleared.

Barou leaves the chopsticks in front of you, letting you pick at the third plate closest to you, watching you with an intensity you’re trying to ignore. He has his cheek settled into his palm, his other hand tapping a steady rhythm into the wooden table for a while before he leans more into your personal space, pointing at himself.

“I’m hungry too..”

Your head finally snaps up to meet his gaze, shock infiltrating every inch of your face, your hand going rigid above your plate. It’s obvious what he wants you to do, his hands making no move to grab the food for himself as yours start to tremble. It takes you a while, but you manage to push your hand over to him, letting out a sharp gasp as Barou grabs your wrist, shoving the food in his mouth. He doesn’t let go of you even as he chews, licking his lips in a motion you can’t tear your eyes away from.

“Mmh, your cooking’s better” That last part is whispered into your ear, close enough to raise the eyebrows of the other workers around you. Their shocked faces turning into smug grins in seconds.

Barou finally leaves you alone for a bit, his hand still resting on the bit of chair behind you, but apart from caging you in, he’s more quiet now. Your focus rests on picking at the food in front of you, eating a lot slower than you usually do. Emboldened by Barou’s behaviour, you lean in from time to time to feed him some pieces from your plate, which he happily accepts. Your gaze flicks over the cafe in between bites, locking on a customer getting a hand massage from a pony with particularly long hair. The sight clicks something in your brain, taking you back to the week before you’d started taking care of Barou.

“Oh! I was going to use my points the next time I came in.. I forgot”

Barou turns his face toward you, confusion settling in the crease between his brows.

“For what? Those things are a waste of time.”

“Don’t say that..” You drop your cutlery to smack his shoulder, an attack he’s too close to you to dodge. He glares down at you in response, but doesn’t actually move away. “I wanted the dinner date one, I was going to get it a while ago but that was before you were sick”

Barou scoffs at your declaration, essentially rolling his eyes as your hand comes up to smack his arm again. “Why would you use your points for that when we’ve already been on a date?”

Confusion quickly takes over the slight offence that had been hanging off your features, your head tilting to the side as your eyebrows crumple together.

“When did that happen?”

It’s Barou’s turn to look at you like you’ve lost your mind now, the hand closest to your face coming up to smooth some hair away before he’s right in your face again.

“Did you forget about yesterday?”

“That doesn’t count!”

Your blushing complaints are drowned out by the sound of Barou chuckling, a slight smile creeping into his expression. You watch him dig into the pockets of his slacks, placing a dark grey phone into the palm of your hand.

“Then let me take you out on a proper one, you used to ask me out all the time.. what changed?”

The screen opens up to a contact page, the phone practically doing all the work for you. You hide he device closer to your thigh, suddenly aware of how many eyes are on you, your thumb hovering over the too bright screen. Barou’s eyes are still trained on you, giving you a look you can’t fully decipher, but your body already knows what he’s saying. Your fingers fly over the screen, typing in your number just as quick as he’d handed you the phone, immediately giving it back.

The two of you act like nothing happened, shuffling back into your respective spaces, but still close enough for it to count. He clears out most of the empty dishes, looking back at you one more time as you start to pack up our things. Both of you meet at the door, your jacket now being smoothed over your shoulders in a silence that no longer feels awkward.

“Are you free this weekend?”

You cast a careful look at him over your shoulder, your body still burning hot as it mourns the loss of contact. His expression seems to soften as you nod your head, his eyes never leaving your face.

“Yeah I am..”

“Then I’ll pick you up later..” Your shoulders jump instinctively as he steps closer, leaning down far enough to cut off the rest of the cafe from your conversation. “For our date.”

Your hand comes up to meet the ear he’d whispered in with a sharp smack, a vivid flush making the organ throb harder than the slap you’d just landed on it. Barou only gives you a small smirk, tapping the breast pocket his phone is tucked into, before giving you a simple, formal greeting like he hadn’t nearly made your heart burst out of your chest. Your legs carry you out of the building at rapid speeds, your mind never losing track of the gaze trained on your back.

The morning sunlight peeks in through the sliver under your curtain, the air in the room is cool but the light is enough to leave a trail of sweat down your back. Your body tosses and turns over the sheets, settling into a comfortable position as the crease between your eyebrows eases.

The silence of the early morning flows freely around you, lulling you back into a soft sleep for just a moment before a sharp clack reaches your ears. Your neck twitches as the sound of the door opening shoots past your ears, the gentle taps of socks against woods getting closer and closer until the mattress dips in the space beside you.

Through your sleep riddled haze, you can feel a soft hand on the side of your face, thumb stroking careful circles into the skin. You lean into the touch, already vaguely aware of who it is. A litany of pecks make their way across your face, a bit of affection before the hand that was just caressing your cheek, pinches it instead.

“Wake up.” A gruff voice infiltrates your sleep, forcing you to turn over in bed, dragging the covers over your head. “It’s already ten o’clock.”

“But I don’t have work today..” Your sentence comes out a tired whine, placated by a warm hand that smooths over your hair.

Barou pulls the covers from over your head, turning you back to face him with a gentle hand on your chin. Finally opening your eyes for the first time since he’d walked in, you can see he’s dressed to go to work, slicked hair falling in waves, obscuring the grumpy affection lingering on his features.

“I know, but you have to eat. And we both know you won’t get up till I get back”

Whatever tired complaints you were going to let out die in your throat as a sudden weightlessness takes over, the covers swaddling your form like that of a newborn baby, as Barou starts to carry you out of the room. You try to struggle, wriggling around as much as you can with your limbs tangled in the sheets, but Barou only holds you tighter, stifling your escape attempts with a swift motion.

“..I can walk by myself”

He only lets out a small hum, his lips coming down to meet your forehead in a gesture that’s meant to shut you up, and unfortunately it works. You snuggle deeper into his chest, a soft sigh escaping your lips as the two of you arrive at your dining table, several small side dishes laid out in front of your seat. Barou sets you down in the seat as gently as possible, like you’re made of glass, his hand coming up to ghost over your hair.

“Have you eaten already?” Your words come out muffled, several spoonfuls of rice stuffed into your mouth, but Barou understands you nonetheless, nodding as he picks up his bag from the chair opposite you.

You watch him navigate your apartment, picking a few of his things off the tables and chairs. Your house has been a lot cleaner since you started dating; The clothes you were used to leaving all over the floor now folded into neat squares in your closet, your rooms now received a deep cleaning every three days instead of whenever the space got too dirty for you to breathe in.

Some of that strictness has made it onto you, mainly in the way you think first before leaving your messes to clean up later.

The two of you have been bouncing between both of your place’s for a while now, mostly because Barou’s sisters started getting grumpy if they didn’t see you for longer than a few days. Both of them had been so happy when Barou told them you were his partner now, almost as if you were announcing your marriage instead. Sometimes they treat you like you’re their sibling, complaining loudly every time Barou comes back home without you, according to his own disgruntled protests.

Difficulties in your dating life mostly stem from the two of you trying to keep it secret at the cafe, with Barou holding out a lot stronger than you are. He still extremely professional, attending to you the same way he always did, but it’s the little things that get to you; The way he holds onto your waist as he guides you to your seat, how close he gets when you’re just trying to order, the small kisses he places on your cheek when you think no ones watching. Its extremely obvious to everyone where both of you stand, Snuffy included.

“I know you two are dating now, but can you keep it out of my store please?” Snuffy’s tired tone is enough to make your shoulders hunch in shame as he rings you up, his arms folding across his chest while he stares into Barou’s bored expression.

You frantically apologise as you tap your card, the sound of Barou scoffing only making your apology look less sincere. He walks you out of the cafe, taking longer than he usually does to put on your jacket, almost like he doesn’t want you to leave.

You smile up at him when he’s done, catching the affection lingering in his gaze before he can mask it with his usual frown.

He looks back for a second, into the window where Snuffy is now bent over the counter behind him, back facing the two of you, before leaning in to place a hurried kiss on your lips. You wrap your arms around his neck, dragging him back in for so long, both of you are panting when you finally break apart.

“I’ll wait for you to clock out”

Barou wraps his arms around your waist, placing another kiss on your wrist where it hangs over his shoulder, eyebrow raised at your declaration. “You know don’t have to, right?”

“I know, but I saw you with another customer..” You let your voice drop to a whisper, your lips creeping closer to his ears. “You were too close to her, so you owe me dinner”

The last few words are uttered with a smile that rivals the disbelieving smirk on Barou’s face. He grips your waist tighter, leaning down to press a heavy kiss into the crook of your neck, an almost imperceptible chuckle leaving his lips.

“Fine, if it’ll make you happy”

You give him one last kiss before sending him away, watching as Snuffy says something to him from behind the window, likely a scolding, one that Barou ignores with a sharp eye roll. A light laugh falls of your lips as you watch the scene, the fondness settling deep in your heart almost enough to choke you.

The dirt starts to dig into your knees, coating your skin in flaky bits of earth, while your hands focus on dragging the sickle across each head of wheat. Your back groans under the weight of the tedious work, every cell in your body begging for rest.

But you know the trouble you’ll get in if you don’t finish in time, the hand holding your sickle subconsciously cutting faster the more you think about the last time you’d failed to pull through, the lashings you’d gotten still aching where the old scars sit on your back.

Your gaze flicks over the windows to your sibling’s rooms, a pebble of jealousy settling in a fraction of your heart as you switch from cutting to threshing the wheat.

You’ve been doing this work since you were old enough to know what wheat was; It was solely up to you whether or not your family got to eat most days. If you messed up anything in the process, didn’t pick enough wheat, didn’t empty the husks properly, then your siblings wouldn’t have anything to sell at the market.

The pressure is crushing most times, fear taking a hold of you even now as you smack each bundle against your basket, watching the grains fall off each stem, blending in with the light beige weaving. But a part of you still tries to convince itself you’re the only one doing this because you’re more responsible, you’re important for taking your family’s matters into your own hands; Even with the times you’ve overheard your father express how little he wants your siblings to suffer with hard labour.

It’s been about an hour when you finally sit down for the first time, letting the dirt soak into your clothes as you wait for the wind to pick up. Your eyes track the stars slowly fading in the sky, watching the the night’s navy blue lighten into a pale, lighter blue that signifies the sun’s entrance over the horizon. The wind starts to pick up once more, blowing the tiredness off your face as you take the basket to a shadowed corner beside your home, the usual tarp already laid out, pouring the grains into the wind with an exhaustion that makes your hands tremble.

You scoop the grains back into the basket, your eyes struggling in the darkness to spot every single one. All you can think about is sinking back into your mattress, the feeling making your limbs heavy as you place the wheat basket directly on top of the tarp, taking a few steps back to make sure it’s in a spot your siblings can see, before you’re staggering back to your room.

The pillows feel like heaven under your neck, the usually scratchy material of your bare mattress not even affecting you as your eyes flutter closed. Sleep spreads through your veins like a slow acting poison, the sound of the birds waking up and the crickets finally falling silent lulling you back into unconsciousness.

…

The first thing you wake up to is a series of crashes, loud bangs that trail through the hallways, leaving fragments of frustration all over the house. Through your drowsy haze, you can hear your father screaming, an instinctual fear taking over your body as the sound of your brother trying to calm him down also reaches your ears. You don’t react fast enough.

By the time your father’s ramblings reach your room, you’ve just barely risen out of bed when a sudden force drags you to the floor, a blinding pain blooming from the top of your head. Your eyes shoot open then, snapping to your father’s enraged expression, his hand locking your hair in a grip you can’t even think of a way to beg out of.

“You stupid child!”

His other hand cracks across your cheek in a sharp slap, the sound echoing so loud it makes even your siblings flinch, their pitying gazes peeking at you from behind the doorway. The tears come almost on instinct, some of them rolling onto your hands as they try to block the onslaught of fury. Three more slaps and your father is yelling again, his face even redder than before.

“What were you thinking? Did you not look before you left the wheat out?!”

The confusion on your face only makes him angrier, his fist tightening in your hair before he drags you out of the house. To your knowledge, you’d done everything perfectly. Years of picking wheat, regardless of how small your plots and harvests were, had essentially made you an expert. The wheat had been fine when you left.

It feels like you can’t breathe; The pain still radiating from your scalp keeping you awake, every crack he drags you over digs into your back, sending fresh waves of tears down your face. He finally let’s you go behind the house, nearly pushing your face into the wheat you picked. You push yourself up on shaky limbs, tears mixing in with the dirt below you, the dark red hand prints still blooming on your face. But none of that compares to the shock that spreads like ice in your veins.

Now you can see what your father is yelling about.

The whole basket of wheat is covered in mould; Wispy white particles that coat each grain like butter, clumping them together into what looks like a solid piece. In your haste to go back to bed, you hadn’t paid attention to where you left the basket. The leaking pipe hanging above the bucket still dripping water into the contaminated mess.

“Papa I’m so-”

Another slap makes it’s way across your face, sending your already weak body sprawling into the dirt. Your brother finally steps in, taking a hold of your father’s shoulders and steering him a few feet away from your trembling form. Your younger sister crouches down beside you, trying to ease the pain the best she can without your father turning it on her, rubbing small circles into your back.

You can barely hear anything over the sound of your own sobbing, the headache it gives you radiating throughout your cranium. But you can still pinpoint your father’s footsteps back into the house, the last huff he lets out before the wooden door slamming painfully makes all of your shoulders jump.

Your brother’s sandals make their way into your peripheral, the pity forming in his gaze when you look up is enough to make you choke back another sob. With the help of your sister, they quickly bring you to your feet, moving at your lumbered pace as all three of you approach the front of the house. Your sister doesn’t let go until you’ve found your footing, her hand still splayed across your back while she gives your brother a pleading look he responds to with a solemn shake of his head.

“He’s going to be angry for a while… come back later. I’ll talk to him”

He trudges back into the house before you can beg him to reconsider, the numbness spreading in your heart now a familiar feeling. Your sister waits for a moment before leaving you too, your shoulder finding the wall with how weak you still are. She comes back a second later, pushing a small loaf of bread into your hands so fast for a second, you think you imagined it. She waits until you’ve stuffed it under the safety of your worn shirt, giving you one last look before she’s back in the house.

You can feel everyone’s eyes on you; Your neighbours milling about in the broken, paved streets, going on about their day, sneaking glances at the marks and injuries littered across your face. None of them make any moves to help, they never do when it comes to your father’s anger.

It takes you a while to get yourself off the wall, but you do it eventually, letting the world spin in your vision for just a second before you’re hobbling down the street, trying to ignore how bad your bones ache under the pressure of your journey. The path is already mapped in your head; Towards the village markets, a right turn at the local canteen, and all the way down until you reach the edge of the village square.

…

A solid wall of greenery blocks your sight, the lush trees blending into the mountain behind it the higher it goes. Nobody in your village is allowed back here when stories of rogue spirits and vengeful deities run rampant through the square. But no one cares where you go when your father has made it obvious how much of a burden you are.

The shrubs envelop you in their chilly, lush embrace the second you step in. A softer wind carding through your hair as you start to climb, the slow ascent bearing heavy on your injuries, but the need to get away takes priority in your mind. The ground starts to level out after about ten minutes of climbing, the grass adopting a vivid orange sheen as the sun starts setting in the sky. But the dimming light doesn’t dull your vision, and that’s when you see it.

It’s a shrine, or that’s what it looks like from here.

It sits in the middle of a clearing, the patch of grass under it surrounded by a small body of water.

There’s something beautiful about it; The curved stone material shimmering under the sun’s glare, almost in the shape of churches you’d only heard stories about in more developed villages. You approach it as if entranced, not even bothered by the way the water attacks your legs, the earth mixing under your shoes as you finally reach it. It’s a lot bigger than it looked from far away, the spikes on each corner nearly up to your neck.

But the smell hits you first. The intricacy of each carving, every curve of the statue only keeps you distracted for so long, your gaze soon flicking down to the space closest to the grass. The stone floor is covered in trash, bits of old food, grains of rice scattered over everything. Most of the trash there are wilted flowers, all sorts of types that now form a mass of mottled grey. Looking closely at them, you can tell they all used to be a vibrant, beautiful red.

A small figurine sits in the middle, but you don’t recognise the figure. It resembles a man, a man with the head of a rabbit, the robes gathering around him barely concealing his sculpted form. The figure has it’s hands up, one pressed against it’s heart while the other rises above it’s head. From what you can see, crouching down to look at the finer details. It’s middle and ring fingers are pressed against it’s thumb, the index and pinkie fingers sticking straight up.

You almost feel bad, such a stunning piece ruined by age and abandonment. Your hand ghosts over the stone top, revelling in the grainy texture against your palm that grounds you. You of all people know what it feels like, the feeling of being cast aside after you’ve served your purpose.

The food and flowers crinkle under the pressure of your sandals, crumpling in on themselves even more as you sweep them away, making enough space in the middle. Your stomach growls in protest, already mourning the loss of the only food you’re going to get today as you place your sister’s loaf in the space you’ve cleared out, it’s light beige pallor striking against the pale onslaught of old food.

Your knees collapse into the dirt, flinching slightly at the coldness of it before you clasp your hands together in front of your face. You think for a second, your mind running through a list of things your life lacked, the list getting longer and longer until you finally let your eyes close.

May our family never lack food or riches.

For a while, you keep your eyes closed, letting the silence flow through the leaves around you, the world fading into an imperceptible hum, the ache from your injuries, your dried up tears coming to a halt for just a second before you open your eyes. A soft huff escapes from your lips before you can think about it. You don’t know why you thought anything would happen, but the momentary peace it gave you was still enough.

Your self deprecating thoughts are immediately scattered by a bright light, the white radiance taking over every inch of your form. The forest starts to change around you, twisting and churning into a mess of whites, beiges and greys, the spectrum so bright it practically splits your head in two. Whatever’s happening dulls your senses; You don’t feel your body go limp, sagging to the floor with a loud thump, you don’t feel the way your body falls against clouds instead of grass, the soft airy material lightly brushing against your back.

…

By the time your eyelids flutter open, you can tell you’re in a new place. Instead of leaves and tree bark rising to the pale blue sky, your vision is empty. The sky now a thin layer of clouds that tries to mask the sunlight peeking through it. A murder of crows fly in neat circles overhead, their blaring squawking driving daggers into the headache still slowly retreating from your skull.

You can’t move a muscle. Your gaze stays trained on the patch of sky above you as the fog still hanging over your mind fails to conceal the sound of heavy footsteps coming your way.

It’s the man from the shrine.

He’s dressed a lot more elaborately than the stone statue but you can still tell it’s him; The tall white ears, short, ivory locs hanging over a glaringly neutral expression. His bright red eyes bore into you, scanning your glazed over irises with a subtle amusement, the deep scar cutting across his maw twitching the longer both of you stand there.

“A..bunny…” Your cracked lips move before you can stop them, the rasp of your dehydrated voice making you cringe.

The man doesn’t seem to mind, the solid gold neck piece he’s wearing clinking softly as he lets out an almost unintelligible snort. Your neck can only twitch in anticipation while you watch him crouch down closer to your level, taking the skin of your cheek in between his fingers, rubbing them together like he’s trying to figure out what you’re made of.

“So rude. This is the first time you’re meeting a deity and that’s what you say?”

The quiet amusement sitting on his features fades just as quickly as it came, his hand leaving your cheek to float over your face instead. There’s a gentle warmness radiating from his palm, hovering softly over your features, almost lulling you back to sleep.

“You’re not meant to be here.” His eyes flick over to the side for a second, snapping back to your face just as quick. “You also shouldn’t touch any random shrine you come across..”

“I gave you an offering.. aren’t you supposed to accept my prayers..?”

Your voice comes out needier than you meant it to, the heat from his palm making you so dizzy it feels like you can’t string together coherent sentences. The man’s features are starting to fade, your vision slowly turning into a blurry haze you can’t escape. But you still hear him scoff, a sharp sound that breaks the silence of your scrambling mind.

“A loaf of bread that small doesn’t count as an offering.”

“Then..” You take in a deep breath, the words feel thick on your tongue. “..if I bring something better next time, will you..?”

For a moment, time seems like it’s frozen. The man staring down at you with a curious boredom, while your consciousness fights to stay awake. It almost looks like he’s about to agree, before his pale, furry palm blocks the look on his face from your sight. The sensation emanating from his body finally taking over.

“We’ll see.”

It’s around the time you would normally be up picking wheat by the time you crack your eyes open, the expanse of trees and a gradually paling sky staring back at you instead of the usual cracked stone ceiling of your room. Your limbs are still stiff, aching under the pressure of exhaustion, as you try to get the feeling back into them.

The process is slow but you manage to get up eventually, brushing away the stray pieces of grass stuck in your hair. The shrine is still there when you scan your surroundings, the stone figurine string like it’s making fun of you as you cross the small river and start making your trip back home. Walking is somehow a lot easier than it was trying to wake up, the injuries that had weighed heavy on your limbs now faded.

You feel refreshed, like you’ve woken up from a year long sleep.

A foreboding sense of dread soon replaces the relaxation settled in your limbs, your stomach churning as you stumble into the grey, dusty path of your village front. As good as your brother was at satiating your father’s temper, this time was different. You’d made mistakes before; Broken dishes while you were cleaning, messing up dinner on the off chance you didn’t pay attention to what you were putting in, never ones big enough to cost your family their livelihood for the day.

The house feels like it’s towering over you now, each silhouette that passes by the windows paralysing your legs, leaving you staring outside for longer than normal. Your hand comes up slowly, rapping three sharp knocks on the frail wood. You count off each second that passes, suddenly aware of the footsteps that mill around the kitchen downstairs, before they stop at the door.

Your father is the one who opens it, irritation coating his features as he stares you down, yesterday’s anger still shining through the vein bulging in his jaw. You already know what he wants to hear. The surrounding villagers stop in their tracks again, ready for the drama your household will give them, eyes boring into the back of your head as your knees hit the ground, forehead almost touching your father’s feet.

“I’m sorry Papa. I wasn’t thinking properly. Please, give me anything, I’ll take it to the market and sell right now..”

A tense silence takes over the conversation, your limbs trembling again as you struggle to keep that position. Your father doesn’t say anything for a long time, his prying gaze burning into your bowed head for a while until you notice him finally shifting backwards.

“Stay there.”

He’s gone for less than a minute, dropping a heavy sack right in front of your face the second he comes back. It’s filled halfway to the top with vegetables, old ones that you recognise have been sitting in your pantry for a while, but you keep your mouth shut, slinging the sack over your shoulders as you stand up on shaky legs.

“Take that to Señor Ramos, he’ll give you some money for it.”

The door shuts in your face before you can promise him you’ll do a good job, the sharp sound resuming life around you, your neighbours going back to their business, almost disappointed your father hadn’t flown into another rage.

You don’t feel down for too long; This is the fastest your father has ever forgiven you. You were used to having to tiptoe around the house for full weeks, avoiding the anger that would eventually explode on you at any moment.

The Ramos household isn’t too far from yours, a meagre ten minute walk that you manage to make in six. A wide smile greets you before you even get to knock on the door, the middle aged man taking up more than half of his doorway. You hold out the sack for him to take, your gaze scanning his form for any sign of the money your father spoke of, trying your hardest to reciprocate the creepy grin that’s still spread across his face.

“Good morning si-”

“Oh don’t be so stiff! Come in, come in!” He shifts out of the doorway, his hand finding your back in a split second, pushing you into the dark walls of his home. You walk a bit ahead of him, eager to shift away from the hand still caressing your skin. The sack meets Ramos’ kitchen floor with a loud thud, the sound matching the deafening thumps taking over your chest.

“I haven’t seen you in so long, you’re all grown up…”

Your shoulders jump up to your ears in shock, the muscles underneath jolting painfully as you can feel Ramos whisper into your ear, his body heat infiltrating yours in a way that makes you nauseous. The second his hands ghost over your hips, your brain scrambles, hand shooting out before you can think about it. His head snaps to the side, the lighter part of his irises darkening for just a second too long.

It’s disgusting how fast it happens; His hands in your hair, trying to drag you down to the floor, the scratch marks you leave across his face and arms. You’re running on pure fear, fighting and kicking with everything you have left. He doesn’t touch you, you don’t let him get the chance. Whether it’s that you fought too hard, or that he’s no longer interested, Ramos’ focus turns from trying to tear at your worn rags to getting you out of his house as fast as possible. His shoes dig painfully into your back as he kicks you into the dirt, the exposed skin peeking out of your torn clothes scratching against stray rocks.

“Useless thing!” His foot strikes your back again, your body curling in on itself even tighter. “You think I want your father’s barren vegetables?! You only had to do one. thing.”

You feel his fingers tangling in your hair once more, dragging your head back, forcing your eyes to confront the offended rage evident in every twitch on his face.

“Tell that old fool if he sells me a defective product again, I’ll cripple him and the rest of his bastards.”

He finally lets go of you, your head slamming against the solid sand, vision trembling harder than your shoulders as you let the tears fall. Sand coats the side of your face, grains mixing in with the strands of hair you let fall to the ground. The thought of your father trading you away like cattle breaks something in your brain, an excruciating pain taking a hold of your lungs, making it even harder to breath. His face flashes briefly in your mind, the neutral forgiveness you thought you’d seen actually a quiet disdain.

He expected you to keep your legs open and bring money back like it was a suitable punishment for a crime you’d only committed once.

You don’t know how long it’s been before you finally find the energy to push yourself off the floor, dirt colouring nearly every part of your body, your sandals barely hanging on to your feet as you limp down the cracked road. There’s an almost disturbing solace you take in how fast your neighbours dart out of your way, whispering behind closed palms, eyeing every inch of your broken form.

You’ve never felt more alone in your life, and the realisation only numbs you further.

…

The sun is just starting to sink below the horizon by the time your legs come to a halt, the mountain floor’s leaves rustling as if to welcome you. You don’t even lift your arms to part the shrubs, letting them ghost over your sore skin, giving you a momentary reprieve that you relish as your legs carry you to a spot that somehow feels familiar.

The shrine is still as bright as the day before, bringing you into it’s magnetic field while it’s surrounding water caress your feet once more, your body slumping right into it the second you’re close enough.

Your tears come back full force, but slower this time, small dewdrops plopping onto the stone shrine you’re hunched over, the wet spot growing darker with every tear that rolls down your cheeks. The wind absorbs your sobs, flowing freely through every sharp breath you suck in, stroking your shaking limbs, blowing some of the dirt out of your hair.

The tears keep flowing until a sharp snap shoots past your ears, your head snaps upwards, gaze immediately finding the bright red eyes taring at you from beyond the trees. It’s ruby eyes burn into your face, and for a second, your body starts to tremble from fear, not from sorrow. You and the creature remain in that stand still for what feels like forever, before it finally crawls out of the shadowy darkness.

It’s a rabbit. Soft, white fur shifting softly while it hops a few steps, stopping to sniff the air before it reaches your legs.

You stop crying almost immediately, the tears still rolling down your cheeks as you watch the rabbit chew on a patch of grass an inch away from your feet, a stark contrast against the dark green surrounding it. It doesn’t move even when you reach a hand towards it, letting your fingers ghost over it’s fur for a second until it leans into your touch, it’s ears flapping downwards. The rabbit is so friendly it almost makes you laugh, the most amount of kindness you’ve gotten in a while and it’s from a wild animal.

“..Are you here by yourself..?”

The question feels stupid as you say it, but the rabbit doesn’t judge, not that it can; It’s hind legs pushing it’s small body under the space between your crouched form and the shrine, nestling into the shade your body creates. You let out another small huff, sneaking a hand under it’s soft body, lifting it to safety while you shift into a more comfortable position, your back against the shrine, rabbit sitting obediently in your lap now.

Your eyelids feel like lead, lashes batting against your cheeks as you struggle to keep your eyes open. The wounds spread across your skin, combined with the noticeable hunger settled in your abdomen creates this deep sense of exhaustion that soon takes over your limbs. You can feel your eyes burn under the weight of a radiant light before they finally close.

The first thing you notice when you wake up is an array of soft colours spread across your vision. The light makes you squint, quickly slinging a stiff arm over your eyes before you finally gain your bearings.

You’re not at home, that much is obvious.

The air itself feels different around you; A soft, scented breeze flowing in from the space to your right. It smells like fresh grass and wet earth, but in a way that relaxes your muscles. It takes you a while to open your eyes, the dark brown domed ceiling sending a wave of confusion through you. There are illustrations in between each curve, white and red square motifs dominating the unusual ceiling.

The various colours shifting across the room come from a stained glass window directly opposite you, the nook it’s tucked into adorned with a solid wooden table and a set of tall candles that bathe the room in additional warm gold glow. Your body sinks lower into the sheets, suddenly aware of how big the mattress is. It practically dwarfs your form, headboard towering over you.

Underneath the comfort turning your limbs to jelly, a sharp anxiety forms itself in your stomach. The last thing you remember is falling unconscious at the shrine’s steps,that day’s events still weighing heavy in your mind, the little rabbit you’d met sleeping off in your lap. As your mind comes out of it’s fog, you sense a presence on the bed beside you, your neck turning to see the rabbit already awake, staring into your eyes like it’s been waiting.

You watch it shuffle closer to your face, it’s nose twitching against the skin of your cheek as it nibbles softly, snuggling into your neck for a second before it’s hopping off the bed. Your body shoots up then, the rabbit turning back to look at you only once, it’s legs propelling it out of the room you now recognise as a bedroom, and down the hall.

Whatever reservations you had about being here are flung out the window as you practically leap out of bed, sliding the door wider, following the rabbit as you spot it’s tail disappear behind a sharp corner. With how much it clearly trusted you, the animal was now your responsibility. Even without knowing who’s house you were in, you couldn’t risk the small animal breaking something.

The rabbit is a lot faster than your still groggy body, it’s legs pushing it down each winding corridor the two of you turn down, the pitter patter of it’s feet against the stone flooring would be cute if you weren’t focused on catching your breath. You don’t have much time to look around, but from the little you can see, it feels like you’re in a castle; Smoky lanterns hanging from each pillar you pass, stone hallways and firm wooden doors, lush green vines peeking out from several cracks, the light grey haze hanging in the air.

You make a left turn down a particularly long hallway, stopping short at the sight you run into. It’s the deity you saw the last time you’d strayed too long by the shrine, he’s holding your rabbit in his arms, clearly trying to pet the small creature as it bites at his fingers. You can see him properly now.

The two-tiered, red velvet cape he’s wearing swishes across the floor, shifting with every slight movement. The gold embellishments littered across his cape and the white frock he has underneath shimmering at you from down the hall. He looks up the second you get close enough, the bored look on his face fading into a barely imperceptible smile.

“You’re awake..”

The rabbit leaps out of his hands, landing in yours with a soft thud, snuggling into your elbow. You barely have time to comfort it before you feel a hand on the small of your back, ghosting over the skin as the man guides you through the large, intricate doors in front of you.

Your mouth subconsciously drops open an inch once you walk through those doors, your gaze flicking around faster than you can take in every detail. The dining room is huge; Golden chandeliers that hang high above your head, the same domed ceiling you’d seen in the other room taking over here as well. Solid wooden chairs line the lengthy table sitting in the middle of the room, covered with a deep red and gold cover cloth. Every inch of the table is covered in dishes of varying sizes and smells, each food item piled high above their plates.

You don’t even realise you’re moving until you’ve sat down, the man taking the seat right beside you. He pushes a large dish in your direction, the bright rice dish, covered in meat and vegetables making your eyes sparkle.

“Eat.”

Your fingers tremble, the nearest spoon an inch away from you. But you resist, years of getting in trouble for stuffing your face in other people’s homes taught you enough. You shove the hunger down your throat, sliding the plate back to him with a polite grimace on your face.

“Oh, no I’m okay.. I can’t-”

The loud rumbling of your stomach cuts through the silence, forcing your face to heat up as a genuine smile crawls onto the man’s face for the first time since you’ve met him. The plate finds it’s way back in front of you immediately after, the smell almost taunting you.

“Go ahead, someone worked too hard on this for you not to eat.”

He gestures to a corner of the room, finally bringing your attention to another man standing at attention; He’s dressed just as ornate, dark black garb shrouding his form, white rabbit mask contrasting neatly with his spiky auburn hair.

Your gaze flicks back down to the food, hesitating for just a second before you’re shoving spoonfuls into your mouth, savouring the burst of flavour on your tongue. Three bites in is when you finally realise you’ve forgotten your manners, your head snapping up as you finish the rice still in your mouth.

“It’s really good..! Thank you Señor..?”

“Bunny.” He tilts his head towards you, ears almost touching the top of your head. “Isn’t that what you called me the first time?”

Bunny flashes you another small smile, letting out an amused huff when you direct your embarrassed gaze back to the food spread in front of you. Delicious isn’t enough of a word to describe what you’re eating, you’ve never had food this rich before.

Your hands move as fast as your mouth can chew; Flatbread pies that melt under your tongue, fresh meat sandwiched between crunchy loaves, so sharp they almost cut the roof of your mouth, but you never stop eating. Your stomach starts to churn with how much you’re filling it with, but a gnawing hunger still settles itself in your soul. You would never see food like this again in your life. You’d rather eat as much as you can now.

It doesn’t take long for you to realise Bunny has been staring at you the entire time, with a slight curiosity you’d only ever seen on your neighbours during one of your father’s famous outbursts. You’re starting to feel bad; He hasn’t touched a single dish since you both walked in, your empty dishes piling up on his side of the table. But he doesn’t seem to mind, pushing back the plate you try to give him with a small shake of his head.

“No it’s fine. I’m just curious..” He leans in so close you can see the lighter red shining in his irises, your cheeks heating up under the weight of his stare. “Most mortals die the second they taste food from a deity’s realm.. you’ve lasted longer.

The bit of soup you were just about to swallow hangs under your tongue, some of it dripping back into the bowl from your now open mouth.

“..Huh?”

Both of you sit there in complete silence for what feels like hours, your hands trembling, trying to resist the temptation to reach down your throat and drag all the food out. You don’t even get the chance to panic before Bunny’s face breaks into a wide smile, his hand coming up under your chin to snap your jaw shut.

“I was kidding.”

Bits of soup are still dribbling down your chin, staining Bunny’s fur as he keeps his hand stuck to your face, wiping away stray chunks of vegetables. Fear and disbelief swirling together in your gut to create a feeling that makes you want to throw up anyway. Under his piercing gaze, you still manage to swallow, your spoon moving a lot slower as you keep eating.

“Ah.. but I guess you can’t leave now.”

Your head snaps up to him once more, doubt quickly replacing the quick burst of anxiety that had come back to haunt you. He snorts at the look on your face, finger pinching a lock of your hair.

“I did lie about the death thing but I’m being serious now. You shouldn’t just eat anything anyone gives you.” You flinch a little as his middle finger flicks against your forehead, sharp nail just barely nicking your skin.

The spoon in your hand goes completely still, your appetite now gone in the face of Bunny’s revelation. Panic shoots through your bones again, your mind struggling to wrap around the massive piece of information, and the carefree tone it was handed to you in.

A tiny part of you is happy you don’t have to go back to a home you’re not wanted in, but your mind immediately flicks to your siblings, plunging your mood back down. Bunny seems to notice your mood, or lack thereof, his hand ghosting over your cheek one last time before he makes a move to get up, the servant you’d almost forgotten about quickly appearing by his side. He stops at the dining room doors, looking at you over his shoulder with a sharp finger.

“That child seems to like you, she’ll keep you company.” The bunny that had been napping in your lap sniffs at the air, leaning into your fingers as you rub the space between her ears.

“If you need anything, just ask.”

Looking around now, the space you’re in is less like a castle and more like a church graveyard. You spend a lot of your time studying the high topped buildings, scanning every bit of concrete that builds up into each spiralling tower. It’s beyond beautiful. You’d only ever heard of churches like this in bigger towns whenever wandering merchants came with stories along with their goods, the church in your own town a squat building that barely compares.

The tallest building has a bright stained glass piece that you can’t stop yourself from looking at whenever you wander outside. It’s not like the one in your room. This is one is a lot more detailed; Smaller pieces of glass that come together perfectly, in all sorts of colours that almost make the piece look like a painting. If you had looked at any other time, you wouldn’t have figured it out, but now you can tell its meant to be Bunny, shimmering gold glass creating a halo behind his image.

From what you’ve seen every time you walk in to explore, it’s mostly serves as his office and main home. The entrance is your favourite part; The massive, red carpeted room giving way to a giant stone statue that stands in the middle, a fountain just as big as your father’s field around the statue’s feet. The last time you asked about it, he claimed it was an old building he never really used anymore.

The first few days, you’d gotten used to it just being you and the rabbit; Sleeping in the grass, picking flowers, sneaking food from the pantry, which was mostly your doing but she would still follow diligently. At some point, you started seeing Bunny more often, with him always sitting a few feet from you, staring like you were a problem he was trying to figure out. You’d assumed deities would be a lot busier than he seems to be, but every time you brought it up, he would respond the exact same way.

“It’s fine, just pretend I’m not here.”

Which is hard to do when his eyes are constantly on you, gaze searing into your skin while your rabbit tried to bite and swat him away. It had taken you two more days of the continued watching before you finally gave in.

“..Are you going to keep staring at me all the time?”

He tilts his head to the side, as if genuinely confused by your discomfort, vexing smile spread across his face.

“Why? Am I annoying you?”

“No.. I just wish you would at least speak to me instead.”

That day, you’d sworn you saw the lighter part of his eyes sparkle, like he’d been waiting for you to ask first. And with nothing else to do in the church but talk, both of you learnt a lot about each other.

You were one of the first people Bunny had spoken to in almost five years. That was one of the first things he’d admitted. So the day you’d fallen into his realm was a genuine shock to him, he had just masked it well enough for you not to notice. His behaviour made a lot more sense, the way he stared at you like you were the one with the rabbit head. It was also hard not to notice how much he put his hands on you; Flicking your forehead, pinching or poking your cheeks. But if you were alone for as long as Bunny has been, you’d also be hanging off the nearest new person around you.

You’d also learnt he was more hare than bunny, with him explaining the difference the second it was obvious you genuinely didn’t know. At the time you found it incredibly funny, constantly making jokes about the irony of his name when he was anything but. The comedy routine had stopped the day you mentioned it as he was working, the dead smile he gave you enough to shut you up permanently.

You don’t mind it too much, his proximity to you helps when you’re looking to harass him for a way to grant your previous prayer.

As much as you’ve enjoyed yourself the past few days, you can’t help thinking of home. Every bite you take of dinner reminds you of the old rice your siblings were probably being forced to eat; Every time you take a stroll through Bunny’s massive library, you think of how excited your brother would be to teach you to read books like these. Your sister has a weak constitution, and your brother was better at bargaining than being a farm hand. With no one to pick the wheat, you’re certain they’re having a hard time.

But Bunny is intent on ignoring your pleas. You’ve asked him about ten times each day, and no matter what, the answer is always no. In fact, his excuses have gone from “I can’t”, to “I don’t want to”, to a simple “No”. It upsets you every time. He doesn’t mind granting any of your other requests, but the second it turns to your family, he shuts down.

“Bunny can we have salmorejo for dinner?”

“Sure.”

…

“Can I have your room instead? The lighting is better”

“If that’s what you want.”

…

“Can I touch your ears..?”

He hadn’t even responded that time, his right ear flopping into the space in front of you, barely twitching as you rub the soft membrane between your fingers. You’d sat on his desk for a while, reaching out every five seconds to touch his ear, waiting for him to get irritated. You’d failed, and just like every other time, you didn’t even need to open your mouth before he responded.

“No, I’m not helping your father”

…

That brings you to today. You enter the dining room as calm as can be, your rabbit sitting in your arms, already falling asleep after the vegetables you’d snuck out for her earlier. Bunny is already there when you step in, sitting in the chair beside yours with an important looking paper in his hands. He let’s out a low grumble when you greet him, pushing the nearest plate towards you as you sit down.

Both of you stew in a comfortable silence you’d gotten used to, your focus solely on eating all the new plates spread out in front of you. You’ve kept silent about your family for the whole day; From when you sauntered into Bunny’s office in the early hours of the morning, to when you’d spent the whole day following him around. You were waiting for him to notice and say something, but based on the restrained smirk threatening to cross his features, it’s clear he’s waiting for you to break first.

“..I know why you won’t answer my prayers.”

Bunny turns to face you then, eyes crinkling with a subtle mischief as he finally puts the paper away, placing his chin in his palm.

“Mhm? Enlighten me.”

You let your fork fall into your plate, shifting your face into what you hope is complete seriousness, folding your hands into a neat pile on the table.

“It’s because I haven’t offered you anything in return”

Bunny doesn’t say anything, simply arching an eyebrow at your statement. But you don’t need him to ask first, the explanation comes to you easy. You spotted it in one of the books you picked out of the library; The words were complete gibberish to you but it was an image you found that spoke to you. The drawing was of a woman, kneeling in the dirt with what looked like a heart in her hands. You didn’t recognise the deity she was kneeling to, all you saw on the next page was that same woman walking into a room filled with gold.

You watch Bunny lean back in his chair, his gaze flicking off to the side before it’s back on you, amusement still shining through.

“I guess you could say that. People usually give me their souls..” His hand finds your chin, dragging your face closer to his than you’d like. “What are you planning to give me?”

The distance makes your brain stutter, but you manage to push out the words before you can take them back.

“I’ll keep living here with you..”

Bunny lets go of your face in a second, hand waving to dismiss your statement. Whatever mischief you’d seen in his gaze is gone now, replaced with a polite boredom that makes your stomach drop.

“You’re going to end up staying here for a while anyway if you keep eating this much.”

It makes you upset how much he’s right, but you couldn’t think of anything else to hand over. the stale bit of bread you’d first sacrificed was probably rotting away along with all the other food offerings at the mountain shrine. Your soul wasn’t an option because watching over your siblings for the rest of their lives was the least you could do. You were insisting this much because of them, giving Bunny your life wouldn’t leave you alive long enough to watch them prosper.

For a long time, both of you just sit there, the food slowly getting cold as your face heats up under the weight of your failed plan. Bunny still isn’t saying anything, staring at you like he’s actually giving you the time to think of something else. And something comes to you, an idea stupid enough to make your ears sizzle all over again.

“Then.. I’ll marry you” The words crawl out of your mouth before you can second guess them, sending a genuine flash of shock across Bunny’s face. You start rambling, trying to avoid looking at him directly. “I’m good at cleaning, I can make a lot of dishes.. I won’t ask for too-”

A quick flick to your forehead shuts you up, the skin almost turning red with how much it hurts. You hold your hands over the small wound, glaring with as much as you can muster as you watch Bunny force himself not to laugh, large hand spread over his twitching nose. He gets out of his chair a moment later, the legs scraping loudly against the floor, his hand towering over your head as if to attack your forehead again. But his fingers just tangle in your hair, smoothing the strands off your face.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

It sounds like he’s chastising you, but there’s something hidden in his tone, a sudden fondness that makes you face burn hotter than your bold proclamation ever could. Bunny leaves you sitting at the dining table, mouth slightly agape as you find your hand settling on the leftover warmth of his palm.

Since that day, you’ve made it your mission to avoid Bunny as much as possible. Just thinking about the stunt you pulled was enough to send you into a frenzy, seeing him around the church would kill you. Surprisingly enough, your method works. Staying in your room at all hours of the day, entertaining your rabbit friend as much as you can so she won’t feel the need to go outside, keeps you in your own embarrassed bubble. And it feels like Bunny has gotten the hint, even if you leave the shelter of your abode and head into the dining room as early as possible, he’s never there.

A small thump on the space of mattress beside you snaps you out of your thoughts, the rabbit right beside your face thrashing her hind legs into the soft sheets. She’s been throwing a tantrum for a while now, one you’re still trying to ignore. You know what she wants, you’ve kept her in the darkness of your room for too long. She’d been such a good sport the first few times, but now it’s very obvious she’s getting sick of you.

Trying to pet her only aggravates her more, her teeth sinking into your fingers hard enough for you to flinch back. Frequent squeaks leak from her snout in a way that feels like she’s shouting at you. She doesn’t even let you comfort her, scanning the room with her pink nose before she’s hopping towards the stained glass window, jumping out in one quick motion. Your body shoots out of bed in a motion that gives you deja vu, every bit of relaxation coating your limbs now fully gone.

Just like the first time the rabbit lead you out of your room, she’s speeding ahead of you. It’s not as hard to keep track of her, snow white fur peeking out against the dark green grass she’s hopped into. You follow her shadowed form with a sinking feeling in your gut, watching her rush to a nearby gazebo. It’s nestled in between trees and other shrubs, it’s beige pillars glistening under the setting sun. You want to chastise the rabbit for running off, but the words die in your throat when you actually step into the space.

It’s Bunny. He’s perched at the gazebo’s table, legs crossed under him, ears drooping into his broad shoulders. His cape pools around him in carpeted waves, nearly shrouding his form.

You can’t see his face from where you are, but with the steady hush of his breathing, you can tell he’s sleeping. Against your own body’s wishes, your legs push you towards him, weight shifted to tip of your feet until you’re crouched right beside him.

He looks peaceful, the most quiet you’ve ever seen him. You find yourself leaning into him, savouring the surprising amount of warmth emanating from his body. Being this close to him tells you new things.

He smells fresh, like lemongrass and dew, just like you’d expect the mountains to smell.

Your head falls into his arm, an accident, but you don’t move away for a while, letting your eyelids flutter closed. The rabbit crawls up to you, huffing like she’s proud of herself, before she’s snuggling under your hands, letting her ears fall flat against her small body.

…

Your eyelids steadily creak open, taking in the suddenly dark sky. Night has fallen, casting it’s navy blue cloak over the church, bathing the once luminescent gazebo in a shadowed blue. You can feel your body resting against something, your neck in a much more comfortable position than when you had slept off. The bunny’s on your chest now, still fast asleep from the warmth you’re sharing with her. But there’s something else, a hand right beside the rabbit, tapping a steady rhythm into your body.

Bunny is staring down at you, meeting your gaze with an intensity you can’t swallow when you finally look up. His head is sitting on the edge of his closed hand, ruby red eyes shining in the frigid darkness, bright enough to send tremors down your spine. Panic grips you in a second, locking your limbs as you try to get up, but Bunny is faster, pushing your torso back down into his lap, before pointing at the rabbit still using you as a bed.

“You’re not avoiding me anymore?”

Your eyes shoot back up to his face, scanning the slight curiosity and amusement swirling around on his features. Embarrassment soon forces your gaze back downwards, twiddling your fingers from where they hang over your legs.

“That- I’m sorry…”

The small snort he let’s out only makes your face burn brighter, but he quickly covers up the smile hanging off his face with his other hand, the one on your chest coming up to twirl bits of your hair.

“..You really hurt my feelings.”

The mocking tone in his voice tells you he’s anything but hurt, but you still feel bad, even if it’s just a little. He let’s you take his hand in yours, squeezing it just an inch as you place a chaste kiss into the soft fur.

“I didn’t mean to.. I’m not running away now.”

A complicated look crosses his features for a second, a brief annoyance creasing his eyebrows, so quick you nearly miss it.

“Really? I could’ve sworn you were the one begging me to let you leave last week”

The slight lilt in his voice makes it seem like he’s joking, like every other time, but the dead glint in his eyes tells you something else. You don’t get the chance to mention it before that look softens slightly, his knuckle coming up to stroke your cheek before the warmth of his palm comes down over your eyes. The sound of his clothes shifting resonates in your ears as he bends over you, his nose brushing against the back of his hand, the sensation reaching you even through his palm.

“Go back to sleep.”

The dark brown domes of your bedroom ceiling isn’t what greets you when your eyes finally open once more. It’s a painting, one that spreads across the whole landscape above you, the finer details going unnoticed under your sleepy stare. You’re not in your room, the bigger space and dark red cloak spread over your form tells you as much. Your little rabbit isn’t with you, if she was she would’ve woken you up by nibbling at your face. But you barely even get to look around for her before the room starts to twist. Your hands come up to rub at your eyes, the dizziness only getting worse as the room fades into a ripple of colours, shapes and smells. A sudden weightlessness takes over your body for a split second before it’s gone, dropping your still tired limbs into a firm body.

The white fabric gives you a good idea, but the anxiety sitting in your veins only retreats when a familiar hand latches onto your chin, keeping your face still. Bunny flops his head down into the crook of your neck, his other hand shifting to a beige, wooden board on the table in front of both of you. You watch him play, the clack of each wood pebble hitting the board almost sending you into another deep sleep.

“Why are you so insistent on going back?”

The question is so quiet you almost miss it, your focus on the way Bunny’s chest rumbles behind your back as his voice reaches your ears. You look up to see he’s already staring at you, a conflicted boredom hanging off every inch of his face.

“I need to help out.. it’s my responsibility.” You don’t have to look to know he’s rolling his eyes, the same way he does every time you talk about your family. It shocked you the first time Bunny mentioned your old life without you ever telling him anything; Now, it felt like he took it more personally than you did.

“They’ll keep mistreating you, you know that.”

Hearing it out loud only makes you more upset. You didn’t need him to tell you, the things your father forced you through still flowing through your head. But the well being of your siblings remains at the forefront of your mind.

“Well I have to go back for my siblings too…” You glance up at him, hands clasped over your chest. “But if you bless our farm then I won’t have to go back..”

“..I’m not helping not just because I don’t want to, It’s more complicated than that.”

You can’t tell whether or not it’s to dissuade you from talking about home anymore, but you finally get an explanation longer than the usual“No.”. Most deities or spirits are able to grant wishes based on the desire of the asker, the higher the desire, the easier it is to bring that desire to fruition.

“You want your family to do better, but not enough for me to do anything substantial with it. You’re lying to yourself.. and to me.”

The sound of your heart thumping painfully echoes in your ears, your gaze forcing itself to the floor as your mind starts to wander. You can’t wrap your head around the revelation. For as long as you can remember, you’ve wanted to be of use. It’s why you were so willing to accept any work, every harsh word your father threw at you. That’s why you’ve spent the last few weeks hounding a deity that could easily do away with you, why you were almost willing to trade your freedom for your family’s well-being, something your father would never thank you for.

You hear Bunny let out an annoyed huff from behind you, your drastic decline in mood clearly souring his mood as well. He doesn’t reach out to comfort you, and you almost can’t blame him. He’s been nothing but cordial to you, apart from some light teasing. You’ve never had such good food before, have never felt so free for so long. It must feel like you’re throwing his hospitality to the wind.

It takes you a bit of effort, but you manage to wriggle out of his lap, turning to him the second you’re on solid ground. You didn’t think he would but you take hold of his hand, pressing it to your chest.

“Don’t get me wrong.. I like being here, I’ve never had this much of anything before. I’m really grateful..”

“But you still want to leave, you still want me to do this for you.”

That makes you go quiet again, your lips pursing as you direct your gaze anywhere but his face.

“..I just want to see them doing well.” And a small part of you still wants your father to see you. That maybe you saving your family would prompt him to finally treat you like a human being, but you don’t say that part out loud.

Bunny drags his hand out of your grip, putting his focus back on the one-sided game in front of him, the soft hum he gives you melting the tension from your bones. You shuffle closer to him, pretending you can’t feel the irritation still rolling off him in waves. Even with the tension still hanging in the air, it feels like you’re getting somewhere. If things went as you hoped, you could see your siblings one more time, then you wouldn’t mind staying here with him for as long as he wanted to make up for it.

Bunny is standing over you when you wake up, staring into the depths of your face with such an intensity you’re surprised you hadn’t woken up earlier. You’d panicked the moment you had, a high-pitched scream tearing out of your throat as you tried to cover yourself up with the sheets and smooth down your dishevelled hair at the same time. He doesn’t say anything for the longest time, almost like he’s giving you the space to arrange yourself.

“I found a way around things.. I can help your family. But..”

The finger he puts in your face stops your smile where it’s rapidly spreading, forcing you to calm back down. “It won’t be permanent. I can only give them a good harvest for.. a few hours. It’s up to them to make use of those hours.”

You don’t wait for him to complete his sentence, wrapping your arms around his neck as you bury your face into his chest. His hand ghosts over the small of your back, almost giving in for a second before it comes under the back of your legs, supporting you until you finally let go. You want to hug him again and again, until he gets so tired he sends you off to the other side of the church in playful irritation, but you decide to tone it down, the mix of emotions settled on his features making your heart hurt.

“It’ll take a while, I’ll be in the chapel. You’ll be okay by yourself for a bit, right?”

He chuckles as you frantically shake your head, his hand snaking towards your cheek in a familiar gesture, pinching the skin briefly before he turns towards the door. Your hand shoots out to meet his, dragging him back as much as you can muster.

“Thank you.. I won’t regret it.”

A bout of silence passes over you, and for a second, you’re worried you said something wrong. Bunny only dignifies your praise with a short hum, ruffling your hair one last time before he’s gone, leaving you and the rabbit that’s still struggling to wake up on your mattress by yourselves.

…

The day is mostly peaceful, a lot more fruitful now that you’ve finally gotten what you want. You spend most of it milling about, letting your rabbit friend get a bit of air, watching her as she nibbles at small blades of grass. It’s just occurring to you how boring it can be when Bunny is nowhere in sight. You find your gaze wandering over to the main chapel, burrowing into the door like you’re trying to see what Bunny is doing from outside. At some points, you have to stop yourself from entering just so you can be around him.

He hadn’t explicitly banned you, but you imagined one would need a bit of solitude to focus on performing miracles.

You’re laying in the path right before the chapel now, eyes lazily tracking the birds in the sky as the sun starts to set, spreading it’s canvas of oranges, pinks and yellows across the wide expanse of sky. No sound has leaked out from the doors since you’d sat down here a few hours ago, though you can’t tell if that’s because the church is sound proof or if Bunny is just that quiet.

Your rabbit trudges up to you, immediately darting to your face. She leaves a few ticklish pecks in her wake, as if she was comforting you, telling you to be patient. A light laugh instinctively escapes you, your hand reaching out to scratch the spot between her ears when another pair of ears comes into your limited view.

“You didn’t have to wait outside, you could’ve caught a cold.”

Bunny barely even flinches as you practically leap out of the grass, any trace of boredom gone from your expression, expectant smile waiting instead. You keep still, watching as he drapes his cloak over your shoulders, the massive fabric dragging along the floor of the chapel while both of you trudge inside. The hall is still as beautiful as you remember, but now it seems to be glowing; The statue at the front of it shimmering under the sun’s setting orange glow, the fountain beneath bathed in shades of golden yellow. You get close enough to see yourself in the crystal clear water, a drastic difference from the last time you’d seen yourself in any reflective surface. Underneath that image of yourself, it feels like you can see your village, the dry streets cracking further under the harsh sun, but there’s another bright light. It looks like it’s coming from a house that looks like yours, the golden light emanating from the house’s backyard, subtly attracting a crowd.

“You can check it out for yourself..”

Your head snaps back to him, confusion coating every inch of your face and clothes. He doesn’t seem surprised in the slightest, shrugging lightly as his hand directs your gaze back to the luminescent water.

“It’ll take you back to my shrine, you can head to your village from there.”

“…But you said-”

The words die in your throat that same second, the slight guilt on Bunny’s face enough to give you most of the answers to the questions rapid firing in your head.

“That was a lie too.” He at least has the decency to look away from you, not wanting to confront the tiny bit of betrayal forming in your gut. “You can leave whenever you want.”

You want to ask him so much; Why now? Why did he let it go on for so long? He had been so indifferent the first time you’d met, what made him lie just to keep you here? For a second, you start to think maybe he was lying about not being able to grant your wish too. But you push the thought away for now, staring back down into the watery depths. The sight from the fountain is so far away, but it almost feels like you can see your sibling’s relieved faces from here. You needed to see them.

Your hands start to tug at the intricate clothes shrouding your form, only stopping when you feel Bunny’s hands pull yours away. He adjusts your garb, gentle in a way you haven’t seen before, like he’s afraid you’ll disappear permanently.

“I’ll come back.” You don’t know why, but you feel the need to say it out loud. “The second I see my siblings I’ll come back.”

You turn back to the fountain before any of you can say anything more, the luxury fabric dragging under the weight of the water as you dip one foot in. The water is cool, each droplet softly caressing your leg, but it feels like you’re stepping into an empty pit, waiting for it to swallow you whole.

“What if..” You don’t turn around, but your other leg stops, giving Bunny a split second to talk. “What if they don’t give you the reaction you want?”

This time, you can’t even begin to wrack your brain for an answer. You pause for a second longer, only a second, before both of your legs are submerged in the fountain, your body falling in immediately. The sinking feeling in your stomach quickly turns upside down, as it now feels like your body is flying instead. It only lasts a moment, a nauseating moment before you emerge, breaking the surface of another body of water, loudly taking in as many gasps as you can. Looking around fills your heart with a shallow anticipation.

You’re back in the mountains.

Navigating back to the village isn’t as hard as you thought it would be after weeks of turning down chapel hallways instead. Your legs still know the way, carrying you all the way down the grassy slope until you get to your village front. The streets are deserted for this time of night, the usual drunkards and street side women no where in sight; But you don’t have to think to hard about where they might be.

You were right. Your house was the one illuminated by that bright golden glow, and that same glow is the one that brings you to where everyone is standing, faces contorted into pure shock and envy. Your siblings are standing at the door, crying and hugging each other with the most amount of joy you’d ever seen on their faces before. You barely even think about it, your hands and legs manoeuvring you through the crowd, ignoring the disgruntled complains and small gasps you get as you finally reach the front.

Your sister is the first to see you, her body moving faster than her mind catches up as she practically tackles you into the ground, her tears streaming faster. The words that spill from her lips are a garbled, ecstatic mess; Her questions about where you’ve been mixing in with the revelation of your father’s crops glowing, each grain coming out more perfect than any of your neighbours had ever seen. Your brother joins her after, relief and excitement mixing together on his features as he brings you into another tight hug.

The bright moment is cut short when your front door opens, your father stepping out of the cracked home, an old man trailing behind him. Shock can’t even begin to describe the look on your father’s face when he finally notices you, and a part of it breaks your heart; He had probably assumed you were dead, maybe he even hoped you were.

But right now, that’s none of your concern. You turn to your siblings, just about to offer to pick the wheat for them before you go, when a loud shout cuts through your train of thought. The crowd shuffles, heads turning trying to figure out who that was, but none of you have to look for too long. It’s Ramos.

“That child-” He points a jagged finger at you, veins bulging, eyes shining with contempt like he had caught you in a lie. “That child did this!”

Whispers quickly follow after his declaration, reverberating so loud you almost can’t hear the sound of your heart beating frantically. Your brother moves first, pushing your body behind his, your sister holding onto your hand so tight it nearly cuts off your circulation.

The old man behind your father raises his hand, silencing the fervent chatter in one swift motion. He points to Ramos, giving the man the chance to spin more lies.

“I saw it.. I saw that child leaving the mountains. And look at it’s clothes! How do we know they didn’t sell themselves to the gods for wealth?!”

You feel your heart drop straight into your stomach, and undeniable tremor wracking through your limbs. Ramos looks like a madman, but in the face of your neighbour’s greed, his ramblings sound like nothing but the truth. Ramos fully turns to the old man, clasping his hands in front of him, taking on a pleading tone.

“Jefe, we don’t even have to split the wheat. If we sacrifice this promiscuous thing, won’t we all gain the gods blessings?”

He barely finishes his sentence before the villagers start to agree, screaming chants that call for your death as if you were some criminal. Your sibling’s faces pale, your brother grinding his teeth so hard you think they’re going to break. You can tell he wants to scream, fight, but with the selfishness floating in the air around you, he couldn’t possibly win.

The old man silences the crown once more, stroking the thread of snow white that forms his beard, before he’s turning to your father, new-found greed also glinting in his gaze.

“What do you think? It’s your decision.”

Your father doesn’t look at you once, a bright sheen of sweat rolling down his forehead, his hands wringing into knots at his chest. He looks back towards his shimmering crops, into the burning eyes of the crowd, and like the coward a part of you has always known he was, he hangs his head in shame.

“If it’s for the sake of the village..”

The crowd descends on you like a pack of vultures, tearing your siblings away from you so fast it sends all three of you reeling. You can barely hear your sister screaming your name over the rush of hands that grab your garments, ripping the fabric apart in several places. Bunny’s cloak gets flung to the ground, trampled under the surge of panic and anger. At a certain point, you can’t tell where the attacks are coming from; The hands tightly gripping your hair, the blows directed at your legs, trying to force you down. Someone swings their fist into your stomach, sucking the breath out of your lungs, finally crumpling into a tight ball in the dirt under you.

Another person slings you over their shoulder, the man’s firm arms clamping down on your legs with an intensity that forces you to stay still, your shoddy attempts to thrash against the crowd’s outburst failed again. Your siblings are still struggling to get up, thrashing against the painful hold your father now has on them.

He still refuses to look at you, and it’s so pathetic you almost want to laugh. Tears fall off your lashes in waves, dripping down your cheeks and mixing up into your hair from where you’re still hanging upside down. You want to kick yourself for coming back, for giving your father one more chance to completely disappoint you one last time. His eyes stay fixed to the ground as you’re dragged away, body beaten and broken, limbs dull with a pain that can’t compare to the one rooted deep in your heart.

The floor is cold; Hard and unforgiving against the sting of your injuries, the dark stone tile digging into your side. You can’t tell how long you’ve been here, your disoriented gaze focused on a pile of hay sitting in the corner, the sound of water steadily dripping from a leak echoing in your head. From time to time, you can hear people passing outside, arranging what you assume is your execution. The excitement in their voices makes you sick, their frenzied ramblings a grating noise on your ears.

A pitying laugh falls off your lips, making the welts spread across your skin ache even more. Your neighbours actually believe your sacrifice will bring them wealth, that Bunny will descend from the mountains and spread glowingly perfect wheat over your still carcass. The thought makes you laugh again, but the misery rising in your chest cuts that off soon after.

Bunny knew this would happen; He’d seen the way this village had treated you, had left you as you cried over his shrine. And he’d tried to warn you too. The apprehension lingering under his neutral expression hadn’t been because he didn’t want you to leave, the way you’d twisted it in your mind. He was trying to save you from a fate you’d willingly walked back into.

Foolish isn’t enough to describe how you feel. A heavy sense of self pity swirling around in your chest until it feels like it’s caving in. You flip over to your back, slow shifty movements in an attempt to not aggravate your injuries, taking in shallow breaths as you stare into the stone ceiling. Your mind plays brief flashes underneath your eyes, every time you blink, you’re confronted with more peaceful times; The food, the serenity, the sleep you’d gotten without having to worry about what chores you’d forgotten, it all comes back to you in a quick flash you can barely process, but see enough of to let it cut into your heart. Every instance Bunny had touched you burning hot across your skin, sending an involuntary shiver up your spine.

It feels like you’re about to pass out, the edges of your vision turning a dark shade of black that feels permanent. You want to sleep, to close your eyes and wake up in a better place, far, far away from the jaded atmosphere of this building. You know your father would never let it happen, but you wish you had gotten more time with your siblings. Maybe you could still tell them to bury your bones deep in the mountain.

A tiny, almost imperceptible squeak breaks through the silence of your rapidly fading consciousness, snapping you back for just a second. Your head falls to the side almost on it’s own, blurry vision focusing on the white form approaching your crumpled one. A familiar softness brushes itself against your cheek, soothing the pain there for less than a second. The rabbit looks sad to see you, pity shining in her beady ruby eyes, her ears flat against her body. It takes you a while, but your hand eventually reaches her head, arm curling over her shivered form as you comfort her like it’s a second nature.

“..It’s okay, I’m okay. This is what I get for wanting too much..”

Her teeth dig into your fingers, not enough to break the skin but enough to make you laugh. Both of you sit there for a while, your hand brushing against her lush fur being the only noise to punctuate the heavy silence. You don’t want to say it, the finality of the words hanging in your throat starting to choke you, but you take your hand of the rabbit, letting it fall back into the withered stone.

“Tell Bunny he was right… I’m sorry I didn’t listen..”

It doesn’t look like the rabbit wants to leave you, but the sound of heavy footsteps forces her behind the pile of hay you were staring at, both of you flinching at the clink of your cell opening. The weightlessness your body feels as it’s lifted once more is nauseating compared to the dread sinking in your gut, the scene of solid grey stones and wooden bars flicking to a glowing orange fire that churns your stomach all over again.

They tie you to the stake in less than a minute; A shoddy collection of what looks like the only pieces of wood your village has ready, laid at your feet, joining to touch the pole you’re bound to. Your vision hasn’t stopped swaying since, the height you’re hanging from only making it worse. The old man, your village chief, steps forward, burning torch glowing in the village’s darkness, casting it’s glow onto every wrinkle on his face.

He stares at you like you’re stubborn livestock he’s trying to get rid of, the icy indifference coating his features sending a tremor through your already shivering form. The crowd behind him stays completely silent, making his voice echo even louder.

“O merciful god! Guardian of our village, hear our cries!”

The grating edge of his voice makes you cringe, the rest of his chant fading into a dull whine as the ropes cut into your skin, the blood loss enough to make you pass out. The chief only gets louder, his withered legs suddenly gaining the power to push him forward, the flames of his torch almost dancing across your skin.

Your mind is starting to fade again, eyelids fluttering over your rapidly blurring vision. You’re about to let yourself go, close your eyes and hope your injuries get to you before the fire does.. but something stares back at you from the landscape. It’s not the chief, not the hungry eyes of your neighbours or the harrowing misery of your siblings.

It’s something sharp. Bold, blood red eyes narrowing at you from the darkness of the mountain’s forest floor.

The eyes stare at you for so long it feels like time itself has frozen. The velvet slits dragging you out of your stupor, pulling you in so hard you can’t notice anything else. The space of darkness beside it seems to blink, flickering twice before another set of bright rubies appears right next to the first. Your stuttered breathing echoes in your ears, carving your chest inwards as your eyes flick over the shadows, watching as every pair of eyes creates a duplicate of itself in the next second.

You can’t count how many there are now, each iris blending into the other with what little space they have left. But it’s only in the wake of their decreasing appearance do you finally look back down, the complete silence of the crowd in front of you resonating through the space. Everyone in the square has gone lifeless, their bodies frozen with an unnatural stillness, eyes glazed over, and now a disturbing shade of red. Even the village chief has gone silent, the torch burning faster in his sturdy hand, flicking closer to his skin, nearly singeing the hairs off his arms.

You don’t get to call out to them before the crowd is moving, a quiet shuffle starting at the back that spreads along the village square until the horde is split into two clean parts. Blood and sweat mix together above your eyes, effectively blinding you, but you can still pinpoint the person strolling down the middle, even if it was from a mile away.

Bunny stops a few inches away from you, eyes scanning over your injuries. What anyone else would’ve seen as total apathy, you now recognise as a scalding anger he’s trying hard not to let show.

“I told you they wouldn’t treasure you..”

The ropes binding your body snap in that short moment, blood and exhaustion rushing back into your limbs as your body goes sprawling into the air for what feels like forever until you crash into Bunny’s chest. His arms wrap around you quick, holding your trembling shoulders together while the tears start to fall down your cheeks. You can feel his nose in your hair, hand smoothing down your back as both of you just stand there.

Your legs still don’t have enough energy in them, dragging behind you until Bunny scoops his arms under you, pushing your body even further into the safety of his cloak as both of you make your way down the aisle. The villagers are starting to wake up, their panicked gasps almost music to your ears. You hear Ramos the second he snaps out of it too, his whisper shouts reaching you even from the front of the crowd, his disappointment at your survival obvious to everyone.

A vein in Bunny’s jaw ticks, pulsing with a restraint you’re surprised he’s managed to keep in. But something in you hardens, the softness of death’s fingers had turned you inside out. Bunny gazes down at you as you place your hand against his chest, the look in his eyes swiftly changing to a calm gentleness.

“..I know what I want now..”

He brings his face closer to yours, eyes shining with a vengeance you’re certain is reflected in your own irises.

“I want them to suffer the way I did..”

Something heavy snaps in the air, the tension breaking to give way to a wave of fear. Dust clouds rise around the two of you as creatures surge from the forest ahead. Some of them are so huge, you barely have to squint through the sand to see them. They’re rabbits, or at least they’re meant to be. Gross imitations with wiry limbs, sickly patchy fur and teeth sharp enough to cut through rock and cement. Bunny barely reacts, the hand closest to your head shifting until he’s pushing you back into his chest, blocking out the cacophony of screams and tearing flesh that spread through the roads like a virus. A warm glow radiates from the space behind you as the village chief finally drops the torch, fire catching on the wood they’d tried to kill you on, coating the bodies already littering the ground.

You glance back only once, eyes immediately finding the two you were looking for. Your sister leans into your brother’s arms, eyes now shining with tears of relief and horror, the horde of creatures separating you, but not blocking the look you share. The creatures move around them, dust, blood and fire coating every inch of space except the one they’re on.

The carnage of your village’s sins swerving around the only innocent ones to exist.

You know if you even try to tell her that the report stapled to her clipboard doesn’t even cover half of the work you’ve missed out on, she might retire right then and there. So you keep your mouth shut, nodding along to the silence that blasts in both of your ears as time ticks by. Eventually, she lets out a resigned sigh, jotting down notes you can’t read on the report in front of her.

“We’ll stop here for now, try doing as much as you can during this weekend. You still have two weeks before the term ends.”

The weather is just as bleak as you feel when you exit her office; Ash grey clouds hanging right above your head, drifting over the campus landscape with a lazy amble. You stretch your worn out headphones over your hair, barely paying attention to the song they start playing as you begin the slow journey back to your dorm building. Each step feels like it’s taking more and more of your energy, the feeling of concrete bits biting into your shoes sending tremors that go straight to your head, aggravating the headache you’d tried to ignore earlier.

The sound of your phone’s notification cuts through your music with a sharp ding, snapping your brain back into focus, temporarily stopping it from melting through your shoes under the weight of your fatigue. You don’t even have to unlock the device to notice it, the only notification to grace your empty phone, a simple message from one of your dorm mates.

K hey could you pick up my mail for me? not coming back frm lectures till 6 thx 16:49pm

You switch the device off as quickly as you’d turned it on, looking up to see the roof of your accommodation slowly coming into view. It isn’t a big ask, with your house’s mailbox only a few minutes away with the rest of the mail slots, and it’s on the way for you anyway. You make a mental note to ask your dorm mate to buy you snacks on the way back as a thank you, while you cut across the field to your dorm’s reception.

It’s easy to find the mail your dorm mate is talking about, a light blue letter with his name written across it in very fancy handwriting, right at the top of the pile basically stacked to the top of the cramped box. A lot of the ones at the bottom look old, bits of dust coating the corners as some of the brighter looking ones are starting to age. You reach a hand in once more, pressing your fingers to the back of the metal box as you scoop all the letters out in one smooth motion. Your flatmates would almost never come to check, and the mail would just keep piling up until you got an e-mail about it.

The letters make a soft crinkling sound as they hit the dark wood of your communal dining table, scattering into their own separate corners. Most of them are spam mail, advertisements and other small letters addressed to your house mates. You’re about to head up to your room, ready to crash until the guilt of not doing any work wakes you up again, until you spot something, written in small, hastily scrawled letters on the corner of one of the envelopes.

It’s an address, one you used to have memorised a long time ago before your university address replaced it in your mind, but you could still recognise it from a mile away. Picking up the small envelope tells you all you need to know, it’s addressed to you, a shaky heart drawn right next to your name which takes up more than half the white paper.

There’s only one person you know that would send you a letter like this, old-fashioned in a time when everyone just sends each other text messages, which just makes you all the more confused. The only relative you’re that close to would be your uncle, the man who took you in and raised you for practically your entire life. You turn the letter over in your hands, gentle as if it’ll turn to dust if you blow on it too hard, your mind playing brief flashes of the last time you’d seen him.

Startled wasn’t enough of a word to describe it; He was scared to death. Of what? You’ll never know. All you remember was him kicking you out, screaming, forcing you to apply for university as far away from your little town as possible. That hadn’t been the plan; You’d wanted to stay and help out with his farm after high school, you still do.

But the way your uncle had screamed that day, even going behind your back to register you and packing your things before your acceptance letter could even arrive. You had no choice but to leave.

Even if it was odd for him, the kind man you grew up with suddenly losing his mind, you imagined he wouldn’t contact you again after that. But here it is, the only contact you’ve had with your uncle in a year. The first part of the page-long letter are greetings, questions about your life at school, how you were managing, updates about the farm. He writes like the two of you have been exchanging letters since you came here, that gentle tone he always used with you reaching you even through the paper.

It’s the next few paragraphs that settle in your gut like a stone, leaving a hard lump in your throat as your eyes struggle to blink away unshed tears.

I’m sorry kiddo, you know I love you, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that last time we talked. Try and find it in your heart to forgive your good old uncle, hm? It’s been so long, everyone here misses you dearly. Come back and visit whenever you have time off school. I’ll make whatever you want for dinner, promise not to ruin the kitchen this time.

P.S: Hiori says hi

Love, Your favourite uncle

You don’t know how long you’ve been standing there, staring at the letter, finally letting some of the tears roll down your cheeks and onto the thin paper, but you know it’s long enough for the sun to sink below the horizon, it’s warm golden light shifting across the floor through your peripheral vision.

“Hey.. are you okay?”

It’s your flatmate, one of the quieter ones you don’t speak to but are still cordial with, his hand on your shoulder as he scans the tears dripping down your face with an evident concern. You wipe them away quickly, folding the letter into the pocket of your clothes with a quiet urgency before turning back to him.

“Yeah, I’m fine don’t worry about it. I uh.. picked up everyone’s mail, it was just sitting in our mail box.”

You watch him nod, scepticism swirling around in his gaze until you finally storm off, taking the stairs two at a time as the letter burns hot in your pocket. The paper’s still clutched in your hand by the time you settle yourself at your room desk, your gaze scanning over that last paragraph so many times you’re certain you could recite it by heart.

It’s not hard to place how you feel; You’ve missed the farm, you’ve missed your uncle, you especially miss the beastman your uncle used to adopt to help around the massive plot of land you called home, your mind playing images of a small, cyan haired boy who used to follow you around everywhere. It was also glaringly obvious how much you needed a break from lectures, every time you opened up your laptop to clear out more of your outstanding work, it doubles in volume.

A few clicks later and you’re staring at your schedule, carefully looking for any spaces you can fit the sudden trip into. You have your last classes for the week tomorrow before the weekend, and as if luck itself was shining down on you, you had the first three days of next week completely free. Five days was more than enough time to visit your uncle and relax enough to make you feel like you’ve rested.

It takes you four more minutes to convince yourself before you’re buying your train ticket home, watching the money leave your account with a slight grimace but an anxious excitement swirling around in your stomach.

…

The train ride over is beyond exhausting; With every platform you cross, every new train you get on, your bag weighs down heavier in your hands, siphoning the energy from your bones until you’re seated on the last train between your home town and the next town over. You’re beginning to get tired of the view from your window seat.

The landscape had transitioned from grey buildings, red brick and yellow light windows blurring past from the speed of the train to a rush of dark and light greens as you entered the countryside.

Your travel fatigue eventually catches up to you as you enter the cab you’d ordered to pick you up from the station. The cool pane pressing against your forehead in a motion that only makes you sleepier. It’s feels like the taxi driver’s going slower for your sake, every time you sluggishly open your eyes again, familiar places grace your sleepy gaze.

Parks you used to run around freely under your uncle’s caring gaze, neighbour’s houses you had stopped at to collect and deliver produce. Seeing everything again after what feels like forever to you warms your heart again, almost sending another wave of tears straight to your eyes.

Only a few minutes later and you’re standing in front of your uncle’s farm again, your home. The sound of the cab’s tires against the gravel as it drives away barely registers in your mind while you stand there for what feels like forever, staring with this absolute joy on your face that you’re certain makes you look like a crazy person.

“Excuse me.. can I help you?”

It was already evening by the time you arrived, so you hadn’t expected many of the hybrid workers to still be wandering around. But the meek voice that reaches your ears forces your mind to snap back to attention, your gaze zeroing in on the beastman that’s standing in front of you now. He looks like a cow hybrid; Small yellowed horns poking out of his hair, sitting right above the brown and white speckled ears that match the spots on his face.

The gentle confusion on his face melts into a dawning recognition, before turning into a complicated misery that you can’t seem to understand. You didn’t know all of the beastmen your uncle had brought in, but you assumed they knew you, your pictures hanging all over the main house as well as the fact that your uncle loved bragging about you to anyone who bothered to listen. You flash him what you hope is a polite smile, reaching your free hand out to him before his next words make you freeze.

“What are you doing here? Why now?”

Your hand falters a bit, the smile on your face now reshaping to form a confused frown that matches his.

“I’m.. here to visit? Where’s my uncle? What’s going on?”

It doesn’t seem like he’s listening to a word you say, his gaze flicking down to your outstretched hand before it comes back up to your face, like he can’t believe you’ve come back to your own home. You knew your visit was very impromptu, and long overdue, but this seemed like an overreaction to what you thought would’ve been a happy moment.

“Why did it take you this long to-” The beastman pauses, taking in a deep breath like you were a stubborn stain he was trying to clean out. “Never mind, I’ll take you to the guest rooms..”

You’re still beyond confused, going over what you could’ve possibly done to make a beastman you’re sure your uncle treasured act like this, but the look he gives you over his shoulder sends your legs into action as you trail behind him, the excitement you’d felt just a few minutes ago solidifying into a cold unease.

The bed in your room is hard.

A solid block of mattress that somehow doesn’t even compare to the one in your accommodation, digging into your back with a toughness that makes your back throb painfully by the time you get up at six in the morning, eyes bleary from the sleep your new bed had stolen from you throughout the night.

You sit there for longer than necessary, trying to blink the tiredness away as you stare into the rustic, floral wallpaper of your new room. It’s worn, peeling at the corners where it meets the room’s dusty furniture, previously bright green stripes with vivid red roses faded into a muddled cacophony that practically assaults your eyes. Your childhood bedroom was a lot better than this, at least from what you remembered.

A lick of dust would never be able to even touch your room with how hard your uncle was with chores; And at the same time, he would be the first person to take you to the nearest hardware store whenever you wanted to redecorate.

The influx of memories make you sigh, your legs aching even more than your back as you throw them over the bed frame, stretching out as many knots as you can in one fluid motion. Your sleepy haze snaps into two with a sharp knock that raps on the room door, making your shoulders practically jump to your ears in shock.

The cow beastman from yesterday is standing there when you open the door, the cold look that had plagued his face last evening still there. He’s holding a clip board in his hands, tilting the board towards you until you take it into your own hands.

“I spoke with our acting farm head and he agreed to let you take over. These are the tasks boss used to do everyday..”

The clipped papers are mostly filled with inventory forms, managerial notes on the state of each barn and plot of land spread across the second page. The work is simple enough, or at least easier than the actual manual labour you used to do when you were younger. A nagging feeling lodges itself in the back of your throat, you hadn’t come here to work at all, the early Saturday morning practically calling you back into bed.

But the way this hybrid is talking about your uncle’s work, the words “acting farm head” reverberating in your head, creasing your brows into a perplexed frown. You open and close your mouth a few times, struggling to find the words before you finally look up.

“I don’t mind taking over, but did something happen to my uncle?”

A weird look passes over the beastman’s face, like you just forced him to eat a bowl of lemons before you go ahead with the work, but it’s gone before you can point it out. You watch him let out a deep sigh, bowing at a slight angle before walking away, muttering something about getting you a proper uniform tomorrow.

You stand by the open door for a while, the hurt and confusion you’d felt yesterday coming back full force. A small part of you had hoped it was something about your arrival that had upset him, but it’s clear that’s not true, and whatever he’s upset about has something to do with your uncle.

…

The farm is still in near perfect condition, that much made sense to you. Your uncle’s stern need for everything to be perfect, combined with the way he trained both you and the beastmen he picked up meant this place could keep running even if he went on vacation for years on end. Your check list is starting to dwindle, the list of things that need fixing is even shorter. But that’s not the thing that’s getting to you, making your weekend a dull occasion.

The way that cow hybrid had treated you wasn’t because he had a problem with you, it was apparently a farm wide thing. Every barn you stopped at, every crop field manned by beastman you’d practically grown up with became a frozen wasteland against the rays of the blinding sunlight, the icy stares they gave you as you passed by enough to deter you from greeting any of them. You can’t wrap your head around it, the only theory in your mind being that everyone was upset you’d taken so long to come back and visit. Maybe your uncle had cried himself into a stupor before he’d finally sent that letter because you hadn’t remained in contact with any of them.

But even if that’s it, none of them were there to witness the argument you’d had with your uncle, the panicked fury on his face, the way he’d shipped you off to university without a second thought after spending the last thirteen years telling you he loved you like his own child.

What kind of person would rush back home after an argument like that?

Your frantic thoughts are interrupted by a firm pair of arms wrapping themselves around your waist, and before you can turn to see who it is, you’re being lifted off the ground, a terrified scream shooting out of your throat as your legs curl in on the upper half of your body. The clipboard and pen you were holding clatter into the grass while your main focus remains on swinging your arms as wildly as you can, turning your head maniacally to get a good look of the person holding you in the air like a child.

“..I thought I was dreamin’ for a second, but it’s actually you..”

The panic drains out of you in five seconds flat, your limbs going slack against the hands still holding you as you finally pay attention. You know who’s voice that is, the light cyan hair and the fluffy white fur swaying gently in your peripheral vision confirms everything for you.

Hiori is a lot taller than the last time you saw him, so much so that he’s towering almost three heads above you when the last you remember, both of you where the same height. His hair is a lot longer too, the short bowl-cut he used to have grown into a nice short hairstyle that frames his much bigger, yellowed horns perfectly. The black undershirt, and green apron all the beastmen wear not bothering to cover the way his arms bulk up, bigger in the kind of way you only get from manual labour. You finally get to hug him properly when he puts you down, his deep rumbling laughter echoing in your head as you press your body into the fabric of his uniform.

“Jesus, Yo! You’re so tall now, what has uncle been feeding you?”

He laughs, a gentle breathy laughter that barely breaks the joy on his face. It doesn’t seem like he’s listening, his attention on scanning your face fitfully, his thumb smoothing across your cheek, pinching the skin between his fingers, drawing small giggles from you that he reciprocates without a second thought.

Before long, both of you are trudging along the barns, talking like you two had never separated. Hiori only asks a few questions which you respond to with long stories and complaints. You blather on about university; How difficult your second year has been to you, all the crazy memories you’d made with your dorm mates. You talk for so long your mouth starts to go dry, with you letting out a few perfunctory coughs before you’re back to talking.

With how cold everyone was being with you, you almost forgot what it felt like to hold a proper conversation, and you almost forgot how easy it was to talk to Hiori. Your uncle had brought him in only a year after he adopted you, one of the first beastmen he’d brought onto the farm as a helper. The two of you got on immediately because you were so close in age. He was the only beastman you’d fully grown up with, from childhood all the way till you left for university.

“What’s wrong?”

Both of you are leaning against a nearby fence, revelling in the shade of the tree right above you. He must’ve noticed the frown that passed over your features, concern now shining in the yellowish green of his sclera. You dig your sneakers into the dirt, shifting the sand back and forth while your face burns hot under the weight of his gaze.

“Ah.. It’s nothing much. Just..” You let out a small sigh, turning to him fully. “I only came back ‘cus I wanted to see uncle, but I haven’t seen him since. And no one wants to tell me anything, did I do something wrong?”

Hiori thinks for a while, gloved hand stationery against his chin while he stares up into the distance. A solid minute passes before he turns back to you, mischief replacing the concern in his eyes.

“Apart from abandoning us? No.” He lets out a loud laugh when you smack his shoulder, moving out of the way too slow to dodge your wrath. “I’m kiddin’, relax”

“Everyone’s probably trying to get used to you being back, ‘s all.” You let him place his hand on your head, barely managing to shake it of as he lightly ruffles your hair. “And your uncle went into town for a bit, y’know how good he is with livestock.. everyone wants his help.”

The smile on Hiori’s face feels tighter now, almost awkward, the kind of smile a child would give their parent as they would hope not to get caught in a lie. You want to smack yourself immediately for thinking that, and by the time you look at him properly, it’s gone, replaced with the gentle one that always stayed fixed on his face. For a second, both of you just stand there staring at each other, the need to ask for more details or for a ride into town to find your uncle on the tip of your tongue.

But the sound of someone calling for Hiori breaks through your silent conversation, both of you turning your heads to see another beastman waving in the distance. Hiori pushes himself off the fence, dusting off his uniform before smiling at you one more time, reaching out to brush your cheek.

“I’ll talk to everyone for you, don’t worry your pretty head about it”

You give a small wave to his retreating back, a slight shiver wracking through your body as your fingers ghost over where he’d just touched your cheek, an odd feeling taking hold in your chest, settling itself there until you trudge back to your room.

Your limbs fail the second you get back to the guest room, crashing into the firm mattress without even changing first. Sleep comes easily, pulling it’s invisible blanket over your form faster than it ever had in university, the stress of thinking about forgotten submissions and sideways glances gone as your subconscious finally goes under.

It’s probably been several hours since you fell asleep, but you can’t tell, the deep sleep parting to give way as your heavy eyelids flutter open, taking in a sight that makes you shoot up immediately. You’re outside, sitting in the patch of grass furthest away from your home, just before the barn right at the edge of the farm. For a second, you think you’ve sleepwalked all the way out here, lying in the grass till morning, your heart dropping straight into your stomach.

The sound hits your ears immediately, even from where you are, you can hear it resonating in your head like a deep echo. Someone’s calling your name; A gruff shout that tapers off at the end in a way that signals the caller’s tired annoyance.

Glancing back at the house only makes you more confused, your gaze zeroing in on a tiny blob hobbling in the distance. The blob gets bigger and bigger, the haze partially obscuring it clearing the closer it gets.

It’s a child; A chubby little thing that can’t be older than six years old, running probably at what they think is full speed, several cookies in their hands and a few stuffed into the oversized overalls they’ve donned, their choppy hairstyle flying in the wind with every step they take. Things don’t click in your head until the child has fully run past you, the high-pitched giggles emanating from their lips almost forming an actual trail in the air behind them.

You must be having some weird realistic dream.

You follow your little six year old clone carefully, an involuntary smile tugging at the corners of your lips, the temptation to pat yourself on the head nearly taking over as they run deeper into the farm. Your dream self starts to slow down once both of you arrive at the fence separating your uncle’s farm from the forest behind it, the perfect child-sized hole under a part of the white wood sparking memories in your mind. You recognise the place before your child clone can duck under the panelling.

It was a tiny nook in the farm, your own slice of privacy the second you’d grown up enough to start craving it. You remember all the times you would get into trouble for sneaking into that forest, your uncle knew that was where you were disappearing to, he just didn’t know how you were getting there.

Your body phases through the fence, physics not applying to your dream no matter how realistic it was. Your child self takes the proper route, pushing their ever-growing body under the small crack until they’re on the other side, the whole back of their overalls covered in mud and sand. They stop for a second, checking their pockets to make sure the snacks they’d worked so hard to steal were still intact, smiling to themselves for a split second before their adventure is interrupted. Both you and your dream self turn to the forest ahead, the obvious sound of sniffling and hiccuping reaching your ears at the same time.

The clone reacts a lot faster than you do, leaping ahead over shrubs and branches like they aren’t lashing across their legs. You trail behind cautiously, letting an automatic concern flood through your veins as you watch yourself jump on a particularly big tree stump and jump right off.

The two of you arrive at a particularly withered tree, the crying at full volume now, and it takes five seconds to find out who it is, though a small part of you already knew. It’s Hiori; A significantly smaller version compared to the one that now towers over you today, tears shining in his light yellow eyes, his tiny ears drooped against his cyan bowl-cut, limbs trembling as he curls them inwards.

Your eyes narrow almost instinctively, trying to remember where you and Hiori stood at this point in time. Judging by the quiet sliver of sadness settled on your dream self’s features, not a bit of confusion, it must’ve been only a few months after your uncle had brought him home. You’d spoken to him a few times back then, but he mostly spent his time with your uncle, learning how the farm worked before he actually got to doing manual labour.

“What’cha doing?”

Hearing your own voice like this feels surreal, the slight country accent you used to have peeking out of every word, your child self drawing out the end of the question like they’re trying to fill a word count.

Hiori looks up in surprise, nearly welding himself into the tree with how much he’s pressed against it, the tears stopping for only a second before they’re back full force.

“ ‘M hiding..” He murmurs, burrowing his face deeper into his folded arms.

“Why?”

You almost want to tilt your head along with the replica of your dreams, just to gain back a bit of the simple curiosity softly emanating from such a simple question. Hiori’s balled fists come up to wipe the tears still flowing down his face, leaving his fur matted in the trails the tears leave.

“I can’t do any farm work… it’s too hard. I’m not good at planting seeds and, and the dirt makes my hands itch. And there’s worms in the ground...”

He turns to your younger self like the existence of worms in dirt is a ground breaking discovery he just made, his light pink nose twitching as he sniffs one last time before breaking into a fresh wave of tears.

“I’m going to get thrown away..”

Your inability to comfort people shines through when your clone plops themselves on the dirt right beside Hiori, patting a confident fist against their chest, their mouth curved into a boastful smile.

“My uncle says I’m really bad with the farm too!” They lean in conspiratorially, pulling the hem of Hiori’s shirt as they whisper in his ear. “One time, I left nails on the floor, it was an accident! But uncle stepped on one and he had to get a shot in his foot..”

The six year old version of you smiles like the memory is a fond one, their tiny hand patting Hiori’s shoulder as if he wasn’t the older one between both of you.

“I did that and I didn’t get kicked out!”

Their words don’t look like they’re comforting Hiori the way you’d intended at the time, the tears start to dry up but his face stays in a perpetual frown.

“That’s ‘cus your uncle loves you… if he kicked you out he would be sad..”

The other child barely thinks for a second, their head hung as their fingers play with the dirt in front of their legs.

“Well I like you.. so uncle can’t kick you out! Or I’ll be sad”

Hiori finally stops sniffling for the first time in that moment, already big eyes blown wide as he stares at your younger self, the tips of his ears pink in a small way only you can see from your third person view. He shuffles towards the child version of you, eyes gleaming with a new found emotion that you can’t place for some reason, almost like an exaggerated joy you can’t fully describe.

“Really? You mean it?”

You watch yourself nod fervently, grabbing Hiori’s hand as the two of them link pinkie fingers, faces now melted into childish excitement.

“Mhm! And I’ll like you forever and ever so uncle can never kick you out!”

You wake up breathless, the dream almost having took all the energy out of you. It was a happy memory, one you actually don’t mind reliving as you get out of bed once more, bending your back in enough angles to crack it properly. But there was something about it, something about seeing the two of you interact from anything other than the view of your childish innocence.

For now, you don’t even try to pick up the empty clip board sitting on your bedside table, every cell in your body dragging you down the hallway and up the stairs until you reach a door you somehow know so much about without ever really stepping in.

Your uncle’s office.

The door looks aged, small cracks peeking out at you from the edges of the solid block of wood, the angle of the light behind the door giving you a good view of how dusty the room must be. The only beastman allowed up here without your uncle’s explicit permission was Hiori, and you’d stopped coming up here a long time before that rule had been implemented, your uncle suddenly becoming strange about you coming in unannounced once you became a teenager.

The room is just as dusty as you’d expected, a fine layer coating every surface and leftover item sitting on the floor. A series of sharp coughs crawl out of your throat the second you step in, the only thing you can use to protect your nose being the thin cotton of your sweatshirt. Once the shock of the amount of dust wears off, distrust soon takes it’s place. Your uncle wasn’t the cleanest man on earth but even he would scream if he saw his office like this. And you couldn’t even call this dirty, your finger coming up light grey as you swipe it across a nearby drawer.

This was the kind of dust that came from weeks, if not months of inactivity.

Either way, you try your hardest to push whatever suspicions you have floating around in your mind aside, a few pictures on the wall quickly catching your attention. A lot of them are of you, in fact, all of them are. Portraits of you at different ages and monumental moments; Your first fireworks at 5, the first fish you had ever caught at 10, baking your first birthday cake at 12, your high school graduation at 17. You can’t tell whether it’s the dust or the pictures that are bringing tears to your eyes.

A small gasp falls off your lips when you get to the next set of pictures, your fingers ghosting over the two framed portraits, afraid to even touch them directly. You haven’t seen these pictures in such a long time; Your nose, the shape of your jaw, the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, split perfectly into two neat pictures, your parents smiling faces staring back at you.

You move down the wall carefully, smoothing a hand down the aged wallpaper, the woes of your dream fading into a dull thrum the settles in the back of your mind, easy-going smile spreading across your face.

The next few pieces strung up are most of your high school transcripts, a mix of B+’s, C’s and D’s scattered along the wall to form a patchwork of grades. Looking at them almost makes you cringe. Back then, you’d tried your hardest with a lot of your subjects, but you simply couldn’t shake the feeling that your efforts didn’t matter. You would live your life taking care of the farm the same way your uncle had, so what was the point in trying?

It almost makes you laugh, you hadn’t thought ahead, couldn’t possibly predict your uncle’s random outburst, and now you had carried your mediocrity into almost two years of university. Your gaze focuses on a bright orange sticky note attached to the wall, hanging between your graduation photo and the closest transcript, the sarcastic laughter that had previously bubbled up catching in your throat.

That’s my baby!!

It doesn’t get any better for your already high emotions, your eyes flicking all over the room to stop the tears hanging off your lashes from actually falling when it stops at a separate piece of paper, the sticky note under it somehow shining even brighter. It’s your university acceptance letter, a copy of the original paper you’d gotten in the mail.

I promised your parents I would give you a life better than mine. You’ll understand when you’re older ˙ᵕ˙

You’d never expected a real excuse as to why your uncle had pushed you out that day, and you assumed you’d never get one.

You were more than ready to push the incident aside if you could just come back and see him once. His absence only makes your heart squeeze tighter; You want to tell him about how much you’re struggling, how you’d rather be on the farm, how him pushing you away was a fate marginally worse than the life he thought you would’ve hated here.

Your tear filled gaze tracks it’s way across the room, scanning for anything else before it stops on the dark wooden desk right in the middle on the room. You hadn’t missed it when you originally stepped in, it was just so empty your eyes had moved past it automatically.

There’s only two things sitting on the now mottled grey wood, a brown leather bound journal, and a letter that sits dangerously on the edge of the desk. You creep closer to the table, smoothing your fingers over the journal first. It’s handmade, you can tell from the leather itself, and if you ran your hands across the stitching inside, you would probably notice all the bumps and knots of your uncle’s shoddy sewing skills. The peaceful smile fades from your face when you look at the letter properly; Your name scrawled across the envelope in chicken-scratch handwriting.

It’s practically identical to the one you picked out of your mailbox.

“What are you doing?”

Your head snaps to the door, neck moving so quick it starts to ache immediately. But the slight pain is nothing compared to fear that shoots through your veins like ice, the hairs on the back of your neck standing straight up.

Hiori stands in the doorway, completely still, gaze boring into your face like he’s looking for something; Guilt? Fear? You can’t tell. His face is completely obscured by the poor lighting of the hallway, the only thing you can actually see are the curved horns sticking out of his head. Your gaze travels downwards unintentionally, the breath lodged in your throat hitching painfully at the red liquid dripping from his black gloves.

He follows your gaze down to his hands, slow, careful like he’s trying not to frighten a small animal, his eyes glowing from behind the darkness as he stares back up at you. He finally steps into the room, peeling the gloves off with a detached indifference that makes your skin crawl, throwing them into the empty bin at the entrance of the room.

“Ah.. relax, it’s paint. You wanted one of the barns repainted. Wrote it in your report yesterday, remember?”

Your eyes never leave him, not as he stops a few inches away from you, hands held in the air, the smile not reaching his eyes. He waits for what feels like hours, looking down at you with this gentle look that only increases your anxiety. Your body flinches, almost instinctively when his hand comes down to meet your face, gentle strokes with his thumb across your cheek.

“Your uncle wouldn’t like it if he caught you in here.. you know you’re not allowed.”

His hand slips down around your waist in a smooth motion that leaves you winded, your head snapping back to the letter still laying peacefully on your uncle’s desk, the envelope calling your name with every inch Hiori guides you past. It’s burnt into the forefront of your mind, the need to sprint back and open it settling under your skin until the office door slams shut behind both of you.

It’s another dream; The feeling of gravel digging into the soles of your feet splitting your eyelids open before you even realise you’re dreaming again, your bleary gaze swinging wildly as you try to gain your surroundings. You’re in one of the barns scattered along your uncle’s farm, the bright, shaky drawings spread across a few walls sparks recognition in your mind once more.

This was the barn you were in charge of when you still worked for your uncle, your first bit of actual responsibility, along with the meagre amount of similarly aged beastmen your uncle had also handed over to you, though they were your friends more than anything.

Just like you’d expected, a child walks into the barn a second later, carrying a bucket filled with soap and water so heavy it’s clearly taking everything in them not to drop it. It’s you again. You’re a lot older in the dream, your slightly longer hair, the dark green and black work overalls practically dwarfing your form. You look to be about twelve now, age barely dimming the childish joy still swirling around in your gaze.

The twelve year old you drops the bucket in the sand, swiping a shaky hand across their sweaty face as they let out an exaggerated sigh, turning back to the barn’s entrance with a huff, as if they’re waiting for someone.

To your complete shock, Hiori isn’t the one to step into the barn a moment later, the memories of him following you around everywhere since that encounter with him in the forest clashing with the sight of the quiet looking sheep beastman that shuffles up to your dream self. Looking at the meek child, your heart squeezes painfully.

You knew her.

She was an anti-social hybrid that had ended up in your uncle’s hands because no other farm wanted her. You remember how hard it had been to even speak to her, let alone become her friend.

“No, Mari you have to do it like this”

Your gaze snaps up to watch your dream self taking the girl, Mari’s, hand before pressing a sponge into it, wiping the scraggly drawings off the barn walls. She let’s a light laugh escape her lips, her wide yellow-green eyes crinkling softly, the horizontal lines of her irises focused solely on your younger self.

It’s hard watching her smiling face through your now blurry gaze; This was one of the last times you’d seen her smile like this, before she’d gone back into her shell. Growing more and more miserable over the years until she’d essentially disappeared when you turned sixteen.

Looking at her now, you believe your uncle’s words from back then even less, his theories that she’d run away still not making sense in your mind.

Both of them work in tandem, with you sweeping the barn’s hay into a corner as Mari focuses on cleaning the walls like it’s a government assigned project. The moment is peaceful, quiet for a while before your younger self drops the broom, sneaking up on Mari’s unsuspecting back until they’re throwing a handful of water at her, laughing when her shoulders jump up in fear.

The peace fades away from there, the two children dissolving into a fit of care free laughter, flinging soap and water all over the barn, all over each other’s clothes, ruining the barn they’d just worked so hard to clean just moments before. It seems like the dream could go on forever, with you watching a playback of your happiest memories, tears gathering on your lashes for the third time that second. But the low rumble of someone calling your name snaps the peaceful atmosphere in half, all three of you turning to find Hiori standing in the doorway, grown just a bit more than you had since the last dream.

The sight makes you flinch, the sun casting a chill shadow that obscures half of his features just the way you’d seen him earlier today, the sight of his clothes dripping flashing in your mind, sending another wave of unease through your body.

“Come play with me..”

His wording is ambiguous, but the way the sheen of his eyes remain trained on your younger self clearly says he’s only talking to you, completely ignoring the now shivering child right beside you.

“Aww Yo-chan I’m busy right now..” Your younger self doesn’t seem to think anything’s wrong, their face crumpling into a sympathetic frown before it lights up once more. “But you can come clean with us! Then we can all play after”

Hiori barely even shifts, keeping his gaze tracked on your clone, his eyes narrowing slightly in the shadows he’s still enclosed in.

“No. I don’t want to play with her. You promised it would only be the two of us.”

The temperature in the barn somehow drops several degrees, the icy indifference radiating off such a small child making even you shiver. Mari’s shoulders keep trembling, the slight frown on her face now melted into full on gloom that nearly gives way to the tears shining in her eyes. A bout of silence passes through the open air, snaking around your limbs as you watch your younger self grab Mari’s hand, dragging her along as you quickly exit the barn, still in a state of disarray.

“Well then we’re not playing with you, you’re being weird..”

Your gaze never leaves Hiori’s form, watching carefully as he turns to see your dream self leave, his hand clamping down on the barn’s door, nearly splintering the wood. The dread in your throat doesn’t get the chance to fully choke you before the landscape is warping around you, mixing into a spiral of shapes, colours and senses until it forms the warmth of your house’s kitchen.

Two sets of childish giggles reach your ears in a split second, forcing you to turn your head towards the small bodies crowded around a kitchen cabinet, looking for something you can’t see. From their whispers, it seems like you and Mari are riffling around for snacks, taking advantage of your uncle being out of the house for his usual chores.

It almost works too, the bright wrappings of biscuits and chocolates filling both of their arms for only a minute before they’re all clattering to the floor, the piercing clack of the kitchen door closing catching the children’s attention.

For a second, the quick fear of being caught resonates in you too, sharp in the back of your mind until it slowly starts to melt into a harrowing recognition; The memory clicks in your brain, spreading a burning discomfort through your lungs. You know what happens next, but you still look up, studying the utter shock plastered on your twelve year old self’s face as they turn towards the door, Mari letting out a pained shriek that only makes her body tremble harder.

Hiori steps into the kitchen, pushing his hand forward so all three of you can see clearly. His hand is completely mangled; A jagged red scar running from the middle of his hand down to the inside of his elbow, the wound so deep you can almost see his bones under the pulp of oozing dark red and torn skin.

A scream that rivals Mari’s tears itself out of your dream self’s throat, their legs rushing them towards Hiori as they try to cover the blood and gore with their oversized clothes. You spot your uncle running into the kitchen a second later, drawn in by the screams of what he considered his only children. But now, standing at the other entrance with the stunned replica of your uncle, you’re given a perfect view of the scene he had walked into, of what you couldn’t see back when your panic had forced you to focused on the marred wound.

The perfectly intact, serene smile spread across Hiori’s face. His tender gaze directed only on you as a cacophony of screams and cries rise around him, like he wasn’t bleeding out his entire body weight in blood.

Your mouth tastes like ash, bones sagging deep into the mattress as the desire to get out of bed completely erases itself from your mind. The dream still burns underneath your eyelids, fear, shock and pain mixing together in your psyche, making your heart beat erratically.

You haven’t seen that scar in so long, you almost forgot it existed. The deformed gash hides under gloves and long sleeved uniforms, the last glimpse of it had been yesterday when Hiori peeled those filthy gloves off just to touch you. You can still feel it grating against your skin, searing a jagged line into your cheek like you had been the one cut up.

The sun makes it’s journey across the sky, it’s warm light filtering through the sliver under your curtains, fading from a pale yellow, to light blue, to the warm golden orange that signifies the afternoon sun. Your body barely moves an inch, arm flung over your eyes as you try to block out the frequent knocks rapping on your door, a quick clatter that came every hour.

It’s been too long before you finally let yourself rise, stumbling out of the room with a tired agony lacing every step, picking up the clip board left right in front of your door, barely looking at the tasks you have for the day while you trudge outside.

The sun bears down on your already withered form, slowing down your steps while you flit from barn to barn. A lot of the ones you noted down to report are freshly painted, a bit of it getting on your clothes as you accidentally run into one. But you can’t tell whether that settles the anxiety in your gut or makes it worse. At some point, your legs come to an abrupt halt, pausing right in front of the farm’s entrance, gazing down at the path that leads down to the main town centre.

You only have two days left, and you still haven’t set eyes on the only man you came back for. Two days on this farm that’s starting to turn into a mottled plot of cold stares and bad memories, weighing down on your mind more than any coursework ever could. Your calves tremble slightly, tempted to push you forward until you’re moving past the farm, past the town and into the nearest train back home.

“Move out of the way.”

There’s a beastman standing behind you, a dog hybrid with a wheelbarrow clasped tightly in his hands, his shaggy black hair not even stifling the animosity radiating from his gaze. Your body moves aside automatically, eyes flicking down to the clip board still in your hands in embarrassment, before a muttered whisper reaches your ears, the words “fucking idiot” ringing in your mind.

“Excuse me?”

The beastman turns around, fur shifting as he raises an eyebrow at you, the tired sag of his shoulders signifying his desire to end the conversation.

“I heard what you said, do you have a problem with me?”

Irritation bubbles up in your throat, coating every inch of your words. You were already fed up, that dream you’d had drained all the energy out of you, you didn’t have the time or patience for anyone today.

“Or is this some stupid prank you guys are pulling? What exactly has my uncle been teaching you all?”

“You have no right to talk about him like that.”

The beastman finally speaks, dropping the wheelbarrow into the dirt with too much force, his hands balling into fists at his side, much to your anger.

“I’ll talk about my family however I like! Who gave you permission to tell me-”

“You abandoned him.” He’s breathing hard now, like an immature child throwing a tantrum. But his words make you freeze. “You abandoned the boss when he needed you, and now you’re frolicking around like everything’s alright! You and that sheep boy of yours.”

Both of you stand there in complete silence, a nagging feeling gnawing at the edges of your sanity. The words ring painfully in your head, the mention of Hiori bringing on a wave of anxiety coursing through your veins.

“..What are you talking about?” The words poke the roof of your mouth, a deep sense of suspicion turning them into lies that tastes like charcoal. “Uncle’s in town.. he’s helping some of our neighbours. Yo-chan told me…”

The beastman scoffs, finally picking the wheelbarrow back up again, turning like he can’t stand the sight of you.

“You actually believe a word that sheep says? You don’t think he’s strange? Then you really are an idiot.”

It’s painful how much what he says makes sense. Everyone had been so shifty the second you mentioned your uncle, except Hiori. Why had you just taken his word for it? A heavy gaze directed at the back of your head forces you to turn, your eyes narrowing into the distance as you spot Hiori standing a while away from you, shears clutched tightly in his hands.

He stands there for a long time, the sweat rolling down your face no longer from the setting sun. You watch him raise a hand in the air, waving it gently until you reciprocate, a small gesture that he still manages to see from there. The smile on his face a mask that doesn’t match the frigidity in his eyes.

The beastman’s words weigh heavy on your heart, not even giving you the grace of sleep as you jump out of bed the second the sun rises high enough, the flaps of your unbuttoned overalls flying in the air behind you while you run out of the room. You needed answers; That was the only thing you could think of as you pass barn after barn, searching for a head of shaggy black hair, that beastman was clearly the only one who would give you what you needed.

You stop almost every second, pulling aside separate beastmen just trying to do their jobs, describing the hybrid you’d spoken to yesterday with as much vigour as you can. It’s most likely the panic taking over your face but everyone keeps their comments to themselves, giving you genuine answers for the first time in a while.

The only problem is no one has seen him, not since he retreated to his room last night.

You start getting into abandoned territory, barns with cracks spread across their walls, weeds snaking along the bottom of the buildings. Ones no one has used in a long time, closest to the edge of the forest. You’re about to pass another one, a slow rising panic forming in your stomach, before you hear it. Monotone whispers floating through the air to get to you, clashing directly with the panicked ones that seem to respond.

A flash of cyan from behind the barn you’re right in front of cements your decision, your back sticking to the closest red wall, right beside the entrance. The beastman you spoke to is pinned to the outside wall of the barn, Hiori holding him there like he’s some thief, gloved hand fisting the hem of his uniform.

You can’t hear what they’re saying from where you are, their mouths moving faster than you can catch. But the calm indifference on Hiori’s face compared to the absolute fear on the other beastman tells you all you need to know. Straining your ear a bit more, you swear you hear your name leave Hiori’s lips, his next sentence freezing the blood in your veins.

“…Keep your mouth shut.”

He’s barrelling towards your direction faster than you can comprehend, and before you can think about it, you’re ducking into the barn itself, watching his retreating back from behind the entrance wall.

It’s been about two minutes since he left when the other beastman finally emerges, basically limping his way to the main house before you grab him, dragging him behind the wall and turning him to face you.

He panics for a second, clearly scared Hiori somehow came back to threaten him again, until he realises it’s you, dragging his arm out of your grip with a suspicious glare. Now that he’s right in front of you, you can see the litany of injuries scattered across his face. His right eye is swollen shut, with blood pooling from the cut on his lip. You can almost see a patch of his fur that’s been ripped out.

“Who…” You can barely get the words out of your throat, trying to connect the kind boy you grew up with to the damage he’s apparently caused. But with the dreams you’ve been having, you can’t fully think of him the same way you used to.

“Who do you think did this to me?” He scoffs, warily glancing towards the landscape outside before his head snaps back to you. “Look, I’m not allowed to talk to you. If I get caught he’ll…”

He can’t seem to push himself to say anymore, wincing slightly at his injuries, his legs moving to exit the barn. Your hand shoots out faster, catching his arm as you turn him back to face you one more time.

“Please, at least tell me what happened to my uncle..”

It must be the quiet desperation written across your features, tears nearly rolling down your cheeks until he finally sighs, pity swirling in his gaze towards you for the first time since yesterday.

“..The police took him away, almost a year ago. I saw it with my own eyes.” He stretches a hand out beyond the barn, shaky finger directed at the building the beastmen stayed in. “That sheep went with him. I thought he was gonna bring the boss back, thought it was some mistake..”

His hand drops back at his side in resignation, the tone of his voice taking on a whispering shake you recognise as him trying not to shed any tears.

“Boss never came back. But your little sheep boy did. Wouldn’t tell anyone anything, made it seem like the boss ran off and left everything to him.”

He’s turned back to the entrance before you can stop him, limping away with a quiet determination. He looks at you one more time, frowning at you from over his shoulder.

“That guy’s a total weirdo.. ‘M sure boss thought the same thing..”

You don’t know how you manage to fall asleep, but somehow you do. The weight of the day’s pressure pressing down heavy on your eyelids. And just like the previous nights, it takes less than a few seconds for you to get sucked into your dreams. You’re a lot less disoriented than before; Your eyes focusing immediately on the trees and shrubbery surrounding you. The dream is taking place in the forest behind the farm, just like the first one you’d had. The melancholic nostalgia that had swirled around in your chest now replaced by a dull ache.

A younger Hiori sits under the tree, staring into the fully healed scar still attached to his arm, flexing his fingers like he’s seeing them for the first time. He doesn’t look much older from the last dream you’d seen him in, only a head taller than the twelve year old version that still haunts your mind, the blood trickling from his hand sticking to your psyche.

Things start to make sense the second your own face pops out from behind the tree, smiling down at Hiori with a calm fondness.

You’re seventeen in this dream, only a year before the famous argument with your uncle, the youthful unsuspecting joy on your dream self’s face can’t compare to the anxious tiredness reflected on yours.

“Does your hand still hurt..?”

The younger teenage version of you takes a careful seat beside Hiori, glancing down at the pale scar with an anxious worry, waiting for a second before they take his hand in theirs, thumb rubbing small circles into the back of it. He doesn’t answer your question, simply staring down at where your hands are conjoined with a soft smile, squeezing your dream self’s hand slightly.

“..I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologising?” Hiori tilts his head to the side, genuine confusion mixing in with a subtle fondness, as your younger clone stares back.

“If I was with you that day.. you wouldn’t have gotten injured.”

The guilt manifests itself in your own heart, stabbing painfully at whatever dull sense of peace you had watching your memories play out. You push the feeling down, swallowing the dry lump in your throat as a wave of nausea passes through you. Of course you hadn’t known back then, but with how calm Hiori had been that day.. it wouldn’t be a crazy assumption to make that he’d inflicted that scar on himself.

“It hurts a little…”

The sentence barely comes out a muffled whimper, so quiet even you have to strain to hear it. But your younger self only looks up calmly, showing Hiori a sad smile before they’re bending over, placing the tiniest kiss on the back of his palm, around where the scar starts.

Your mouth opens slightly, ready to ask if that small gesture made the grotesque scar feel even a little bit better but Hiori is faster, closing in on your dream self with tightly shut eyes, the tips of his ears a barely perceptible pink.

The kiss lasts less than a second, your lips barely meeting but it meant the world to both of you back then, your heart beating loud enough for the other to hear. It tasted like strawberries, the soft feeling clinging to your lips even now. The moment is ruined the second Hiori gets dragged away, the fabric of his uniform pushing against his throat while your dream self starts to panic. It’s your uncle, holding Hiori by the hem of his shirt, his manic yelling still sneaking into your ears as you try to keep them covered, your eyes shut tight.

You already know what happens next; The tears rolling down your cheeks, your uncle’s shouts for you to get back in the house, you turning back in time to watch him slap Hiori before you’re gone.

Looking back up now, just like the last dream, your position puts you right next to the dark look Hiori gives your uncle, almost like he wants to kill him. A shadow passing over his usually bright eyes, so bad that even your uncle flinches back from what you can see. Now, you find that the anger and sadness you felt towards your uncle has now hardened into a strengthening suspicion.

The hallway to your uncle’s office feels like it’s twisting into a confusing spiral, disorienting you on purpose to keep you from the bits of truth emerging from every dream you’ve had. Your phone clutched tightly in your hand as you stumble up the stairs, your footsteps echoing loudly in your ears even as the floorboards barely creek.

The room is just as dusty as the last time you stepped in, a cloud of dirt erupting with every slow step, an even thicker layer of dust now coating the portraits as well. You don’t stop to reminisce this time, your only focus on the desk still seated in the middle of the room.

It’s completely empty; No journal, no letter.. nothing. Just a solid dark surface, significantly cleaner than the rest of the room. Your heart drops into your stomach, and for a second, your mind goes back to the way Hiori had pushed you out of this office earlier, how quick he was to shoo you away, and it feels like your stomach is churning all over again.

Your legs carry you around the small space in panicked circles, scouring the room with all the energy you have left in you; Yanking out drawers, checking behind picture frames, under pieces of furniture. Every five seconds, your eyes dart towards the closed door, waiting for the one time you would look back and Hiori would be standing there, ready to drag you back to your room.

It feels like it’s been hours when a part of you finally gives up, your back meeting the farthest wall of the room, sliding down until you’re crumpled a few feet away from the table. You could just leave. The thought takes root in your mind, spreading it’s vines from your head downwards until it’s clenching painfully around your heart. You could wait at the train station till morning and just leave.

But how would you live knowing something happened to your uncle and you didn’t find out what? That the last time you’d spoken to him was in an argument you now know he didn’t mean.

You let your head fall into your hands, wracking your brain for any loose floorboards or hidden drawers you could’ve seen when you were younger, your mind coming up completely empty. Just as the tears begin to gather on your lashes, blurring your vision while you slowly raise your head, eyes locking on a shimmer of light gold right opposite you. You’re on your hands and knees before you know it, a shallow hope rising in your chest as you quickly approach the desk again.

It’s a lock, gold rim surrounding the tiny hole. The drawer it’s attached to is significantly smaller than the rest, an inch shorter than the others, so much so that if anyone had only looked from the top of the desk, they wouldn’t have seen it at all. A quick tug tells you the obvious, it’s locked, but the way it rattles on it’s hinges means the lock isn’t that strong. Without caring about how much noise you might make, you plant your hand on the top of the table, the other firmly gripping the drawer handle before you’re pulling with all your might. It hurts, the handle digging painfully into your fingers, your shoulder groaning under the pressure of every pull, but you keep at it.

Once, twice, as many times as you can manage, the loud clatters of it rattling in it’s shell echoing in the room until it’s all you can hear, drowning out the sound of your stuttering breath. You don’t count how many more pulls it takes before the drawer finally comes loose with a startling bang, nearly throwing you back into the wall.

The sound slowly fades into the night, just as loud. You probably only had a few minutes before someone came to check out the noise.

Whether or not it’s a good or bad thing, the journal and letter are sitting neatly in the drawer, staring up at you, begging you to open them as you hastily lay them on the desk, flipping the journal open first. The first few pages are calm accounts of your uncle’s past days, his everyday life on the farm, both before and after he adopted you. The pages that mention your parent’s deaths have small marks on them, marks you recognise are tear drops the moment you slide your fingers over them. You blink back another wave of tears as you keep flipping, stopping the second you spot Hiori’s name.

30/10/2013

I brought a boy back home, tiny thing, almost as small as ____. It wasn’t on purpose, it’s not like I’m going around picking up small children. The poor thing just seemed so lonely. People abandon beastmen like they drink water, especially the younger ones. ____ seems to get along with him, which is good. Having a friend on the farm will help with the grief.

Every mention of your name is smudged over, the paper dried and cracking in a way that meant water had ruined the quality, but you can still tell your uncle’s talking about you, the small tenderness after each remark reminding you of kinder times. You swallow the memories back down and keep flicking through.

16/03/2014

I don’t know what ____ said to that boy but he follows them around like a lost puppy. They’re never away from each other. It makes it difficult to teach him what I need him to know about our farm work, but ____ is happy. I can always teach him another time.

The next entry that mentions Hiori is drastically different, the year scribbled in the corner correlating with the day he’d gotten injured. You can feel the tension radiating off each page, your finger following the words along as you read.

10/08/2019

Something happened to the boy. I didn’t even see how it happened and ____ wouldn’t tell me. Mari was too shaken up to say anything either, poor thing looked like she wanted to faint. All I saw was the blood. God, and the screaming. My heart nearly dropped into my ass when I heard ____ scream. But it was the boy, gnarly gash running from his palm up to his elbow. But he didn’t even seem bothered. ____ wasn’t paying attention, but I saw it. The smile on his face… no child should smile like that with their arm all cut up. I had to drive him all the way to the hospital in town, he didn’t cry once the entire time. It feels like I’m losing my mind but there’s something wrong with that boy.

Your heart twitches in your chest at the mention of the incident again, a hand coming up to try and slow down it’s frantic pace. Seeing it written in black ink, confirmed from the view of someone who wasn’t riddled with panic at the time, makes your head pound.

A small part of you thought you had exaggerated the dream, made up the smile you’d seen on Hiori’s face. But this was solid proof, all the proof your suspicions needed. A few more page flips and you’re at the next memory your dreams had shown you.

02/05/2023

I caught both of them behind the farm, in that spot I’ve told ____ not to be in numerous times, but they never listen. That boy put his hands on my baby. Used his injury like he didn’t inflict it on himself. I had to step in. I didn’t mean to shout at them like that, I wasn’t that angry. I just don’t like the way seeing that boy around them makes me feel. If ____ had seen the way he looked at me after they were gone, they would’ve understood my concerns. I honestly thought he was going to kill me… He’s getting bigger, stronger, more erratic and somehow smarter at the same time. I need to separate the two of them.

You’re getting to the end of the journal now, the emptier pages peeking out at you the longer you flip through. The writing seems to be getting more and more frantic, you can barely read the even shorter paragraphs now. But one sticks out to you, the date being a few months after you left for university.

24/01/2025

I knew it.

I knew there was something wrong with that boy. This is why I’ve been keeping my eye on him. I saw him sneak into the barn, followed him. Mari didn’t run away from us, he kept her in one of the old barns. That poor girl. He snapped her neck. I saw him do it… watched the light fade from her eyes. I wasn’t careful enough, I think he saw me. It’s only a matter of time before he does something to me too. Thank god ____ left before this happened, they can never come back.

The world feels like it’s tilting around you, the desk seemingly zooming in and out at the same time. Everything suddenly sounds too loud, every laboured breath you take caving in your chest. Your legs stutter along the floor, barely keeping you upright as you place a hand on the table, tears dripping into the dust right below you.

That beastman’s testimony, Mari’s disappearance, your uncle’s erratic behaviour. It all clicks together in a puzzle you don’t want to complete. The boy you’d loved like your own family had ripped it apart with his bare hands. You can’t even begin to imagine that the hands that held you so tenderly were the same ones that murdered your best friend and framed your uncle for it in one swift motion.

Your heart breaks for Mari, her deathbed being the home she worked so hard to accept. How had she been here for so long and you never knew? Never questioned anything. Your hand finds the letter before you can even collect yourself, tearing it open with a desperate ferocity as your hands tremble harder.

Something had told you to pack your bag that morning, a nagging feeling you just couldn’t shake off. Now it’s all you can think about, flashes of the train taking you back to safety crossing your mind as your gaze flies over the letter, the need to read more of your uncle’s words taking over every bit of your rationality.

The first paragraphs make you pause; Everything is exactly the same as the one you left back in your accommodation. Each letter written in the same cadence, down to every last comma and period. It makes you shiver, your shoulders clenching painfully while you keep reading. The last part seems to be the only new piece.

I’m sorry kiddo, you know I love you, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that last time we talked. Try and find it in your heart to forgive your good old uncle, hm? I love you. I’ve loved you since the second you were born, just as much as your parents did. That’s why I need you to listen very carefully. Do not come back to the farm, no matter what. I know it’s hard to believe, but you will not be safe there. That sheep boy is not who you think he is. I don’t know what he’ll do if he gets a hold of you, but I won’t let it happen first before I find out. If you’re reading this then something has already happened to me, don’t come looking for me, it’s not worth it. I’d rather suffer ten times over than let anything happen to you.

I want you to look forward, make something of yourself. Your parents and I will be proud of you no matter what.

Love, Your favourite uncle

The letter is plucked out of your hands faster than you can react to, a solid arm snaking it’s way around your waist, a heavy weight burrowing deep into your neck. A shaky scream crawls it’s way out of your throat, your body trembling harder than before, an icy, paralysing fear creeping through your veins. Hiori presses a soft kiss into the skin at your neck, letting out a small huff as both of you stare down at the letter.

“How much do you know..?”

“…Everything.”

He laughs for a second, the face in your peripheral vision crumpling into a look of pure disgust before you can blink.

“Mm.. Your uncle always did have a big mouth.”

You let him card a hand through your hair; Gentle, reverently like he’s handling a porcelain doll, the fear locking your limbs too much for you to do anything. He finally turns you around, swiping away the tears still trickling down your cheeks with his thumb, before leaning down to kiss another one away, not even giving you the chance to dodge with his other hand pressed firmly into the back of your head.

“You weren’t supposed to find out like this.. I had everything planned. I don’t know why your uncle and that stupid dog were so insistent on telling you the truth, you were happier without it.”

You can’t even escape him when you force your eyes downwards, his body dropping to meet your gaze as he kneels in front of you. The look in his eyes almost makes you want to throw up; The blinding devotion in every inch of the smile he gives you doing nothing to calm your frantic heart. Before you can say anything else, he scoops you up into his arms, throwing your body over his shoulder with a shallow grunt, starting towards the door.

“I’m not done with your room, but it’s fine. We’ll make it work..”

You start kicking your legs, balling your hands into hardened fists as you slam them against his back. He never stops moving; The tune he’s humming a sharp contrast against your frantic pleas. One of your swings finally connects, the tip of your foot aching with how hard it snaps into his stomach, but it still doesn’t deter him. And that’s when he reacts, his hand coming up to press against your legs, keeping them held down against his chest as the office door closes behind you both.

One final time.

Your childhood bedroom is just as bright as the last time you’d seen it.

There isn’t a single speck of dust on any of the furniture, everything has been well maintained, unlike your uncle’s office. It feels like you’re sitting in a time capsule; The light blue floral wallpaper you’d picked out with your uncle in perfect condition, the fairy lights still hanging above your bed has completely new bulbs. All of your childhood toys, drawings, and textbooks remain neatly scattered around the room.

You can’t tell how long it’s been, you remember your phone clattering to the floor the minute Hiori picked you up, but being forced to watch the sun rise and set everyday told you it had been a week. Your phone was probably riddled with notifications; E-mails from lecturers about your absences, texts from your flatmates about where you could’ve possibly gone. The heavy chain attached to your ankle clinks loudly as you shift your leg, the rocking chair you’re sitting in swaying gently in front of the room’s window.

The thick carpet feels like sand under your feet, matching the general softness of your prison. Everything has been padded like you’re a wandering child; Each drawer corner covered in foam wrapping, all your pens, scissors, any sharp objects are gone. Even the window you’re looking out of is blocked off, thick white bars the size of metal pipes covering most of the view you’re trying to distract yourself with.

All the beastmen you never got the chance to speak to resume their daily tasks, milling about with a quiet urgency you can see even from up there. Some of them glance up at your window, pity bleeding into the short looks they give you before they rush off to other tasks. Through your miserable haze, you hear a drawn out creak as the door opens, several footsteps echoing against the carpeted floor until they stop right behind you, a sturdy hand placing itself on your shoulder.

“What are you looking at?”

“…Nothing.”

Hiori presses a small kiss to your temple, brushing a few strands of hair out of your face, ignoring the slight tremble in your limbs. Your fear only seems to make him smile harder, his soft fur brushing against your cheek as he pushes his face into your neck, as if he’s trying to weld your skin together.

He moves a second later, perching on the edge of your window sill, blocking the only sliver of normalcy you have. You feel a finger under your chin, forcing you to look upwards into the disgusting amount of affection hanging from his irises.

“You’ve been down lately, I’ll get you something nice the next time I go into town.”

An imperceptible hum is all you give him, but he seems to take it, nodding slowly before a familiar smile spreads across his face again.

“But I have other good news..” He pauses long enough for his hand to travel up to your head, rubbing several strands in between his fingers. “Your uncle’s being released soon.”

The news doesn’t make your heart soar like you’d once expected it to, the organ sinking deep into your gut, beating wildly.

“He’s lucky I couldn’t plant more evidence in time. But I’m sure two years in a damp cell has taught him to mind his business..”

You can’t imagine what two years in jail did to your uncle, and if Hiori had gotten his way, your uncle would’ve never seen the light of day again. Tears are dripping down your face now, plopping onto your trembling hands with silent drops. You can feel your throat locking up painfully, the barbed wire of your misery wrapping itself around your very being.

“…What are you going to do to him?”

Your voice comes out a pained rasp, a hopeless whisper that floats into the silence on your room, causing Hiori to pause for what feels like a lifetime. He tilts his head to the side, light cyan bangs barely obscuring the brief annoyance that flashes in his eyes before he’s back to looking at you with a calm smile that makes you shiver.

“I don’t need him giving you ideas.. but the most I can do is break his legs. I’ll leave him alive…” His hand is back on your face, his knuckles ghosting soft lines down your cheek. “…Just for you.”

The horror in your eyes has melted into a harsh numbness, your heart stopping briefly before it throbs painfully. Your body no longer feels like your own, the numbness spreading until you feel it take over, forcing your head into a small nod. Hiori flashes a blinding smile once more, leaning down to meet your lips in a kiss you no longer have the energy to dodge.

A lion beast man with so much audacity it makes your stomach churn. You remember the day you’d finally gotten sick of it, the injustice the prejudice swarming your department, the way you stormed into your boss’ office without even bothering to knock. Kaiser had been there, splayed across the nearest plush armchair like he owned the whole company, and maybe he did. You’d never been so humiliated in your life, standing there watching the stars practically shimmer in your boss’ eyes as he let Kaiser dismiss every issue you brought up, all with a condescending smile that sent shivers down your spine.

A blinding, hot rage had surged through every bone in your body, vibrating directly into your blood until it radiated to the tips of your curved horns. It was so bad that day, your colleagues had to bring you out of the building before you could calm down, breathing so hard it felt like your lungs were trying to jump out of your chest.

You never had a moment of peace after that, at least not that you remember. The immediate backlash you’d gotten from most of the predators on your floor was expected, with their small circles and even smaller mindsets, you speaking up was the worst thing you could do for your work life.

That much you could deal with; Whispered taunts behind clawed hands, the snickering, pranks small enough to chip at your psyche but not enough for you to report. Those were easy for you to get through, you had a thicker skull than a lot of your meeker co-workers.

It was Kaiser’s reaction you couldn’t stand to watch.

You started seeing him everywhere; Taking up space in the department’s kitchen when you’d only ever heard rumours about him having his own private room, milling about hallways and rooms you’d never seen him even use before, carrying the weight of everyone’s attention, a weight you could tell he liked having on him. He managed to weasel his way into your work too.

Where you’d expect the predators to stick to their own cliques and higher end deals, he always insisted on taking up leftover tasks that you would’ve usually picked, projects you all knew would take him less than a few seconds to complete, gathering you all like mindless sheep just to show you how good he was at his job. You struggled to catch up with him in ways that were obvious to your boss, most of the time you spent in his office was for “constructive criticism” while Kaiser got all the praise. It brought up a lot of that old rage in you, your vision almost turning a blinding red the second you heard his name.

A big part of you always feels that anger simmering under your skin, waiting to jump out and burn everyone within reach; You feel it every time you spot Kaiser and his boot-licking posse from across the office floor. You feel the rage when you manage to make eye contact, just to watch his face spread into a slow, smug smile. You feel it in silent times like this, sitting idly in the company boardroom, separated by “predator” and “prey”, listening to your colleague drone on about the department’s annual metrics.

For some reason, you can’t seem to focus on anything.

The white LED lights you’d gotten accustomed to over the years suddenly seem too bright, the sound of your colleague's pen scratching across his notepad grating your ears in a way that makes them twitch violently, the temptation to fold them against your head rapidly taking over. Your co-worker’s monotone voice fades into a dull hum, the sound of your hands trembling in their home on your lap somehow taking over your senses.

Your mind starts to wander, when did you start feeling this jumpy? Was it when your boss pulled you aside earlier today? For what you counted as the fourth time this week.

…

You were surprised when you first stepped into the familiar linoleum space, your shoes scuffing into the worn carpet as you stopped dead at the centre of the room. Unlike the last few times, you weren’t being called in for a scolding, quite the opposite actually. The menacing smile on your manager’s face told you everything you needed to know. He’d started off nice, calm, speaking softly in a way you’d expect someone to before dropping life shattering news. And that he did.

“I need you to pass over the seaside project to Michael.”

“…What?”

You watch his face scrunch up, canines barely peeking through the lips now raised to the side of his face. Your body betrays you, the slight tremor in your legs not from the steadily decreasing temperature in the room. Either from the fear of giving up completely, or out of habit, you don’t let this despair show on your face. You’d picked up that project almost two years ago, gotten so used to dealing with it that all the specifics still flow freely in your mind.

It was a collaboration, between your workplace and a local architectural firm, the whole point was to build more homes for non hunter ocean animals, protect them just as much as the government protected the more “important” ones. The Seaside Project was meant to be a chance to make something huge, turn your opinions into something that actually helped people. Even with the time that had passed, you were still in the first few successes of this project. You’d only managed to complete a few blocks at most.

“Sir I-”

“I know, I know..” Your boss runs a tired hand down his face, as if he’s the one being replaced. Like this wasn’t his choice. “You’ve been with this project for a while, but don’t you think you’re being a bit slow? I’d feel better knowing it was with someone more… capable. He’ll enough progress in due time.”

The words catch in your throat, dying down just as quickly as you had wanted to spew them out. A small part of you always feared the possibility of this project being taken away from you; You’d seen it happen to your friends numerous times, useless, low profit projects that had already been cast aside as leftovers stolen again by the same animals who threw them away in the first place. Time had made you complacent, if anyone truly wanted to take this from you, they would’ve done it in the first few months. This was just cruel.

“You don’t have to hand it over completely, I’m sure we can figure something out.”

Your head whips around before you can think about it, the new tension in the air now locking your limbs in place. Sharp unblinking blue eyes, dark black pupils zeroing in on your face, thin whiskers hanging over a wide snout, already spread into an infuriating smirk. Kaiser was the only one who could wander into your boss’ office without permission.

Whatever ecstatic greeting your boss let’s out fades into a nauseating whine, your nose twitching instinctively as you stare up into Kaiser’s face, watching the smile on his face tick the longer you look. Your frantic thoughts cease the second you hear your name, it comes out as a low growl that forces you to turn back to your manager’s disappointed expression.

“It’s sorted then. Both of you will work together on this project.” He forces out with a dangerous glint in his eyes, one that speaks straight to you from all the way behind his mahogany desk.

Don’t fuck this up for yourself.

You’d stormed out of his office the minute you were dismissed because that was all you could do, a sinking tiredness sucking all the energy off your bones before you could even get to feel that familiar burning anger.

…

The office floor buzzes with it’s usual intensity as you trudge out of the meeting room, your head spinning with a sudden headache that only makes your mood worse. You stumble all the way back to your desk, falling into the desk chair with an exaggerated tiredness that your nearby colleagues only dignify with concerned glances. Your body locks itself in that position for what feels like hours until a deafening commotion forces your head upwards.

It’s not hard to find the source of the noise, a group of several hunters gathered towards the end of the office floor, a lot of them screaming and laughing at decibels no normal beastman could work at. Then your eyes zero in on the man standing right in the middle; That light blonde hair, sharp blue eyes, sandy beige fur. He’s already staring at you when you look up, an expression you can’t place hovering over his features.

The barely settled irritation still thrumming under your fur pushes too much energy into your legs, forcing you out of your chair as the sound of your shoes against the floor seems to echo in your head. You reach his group in five massive strides, plunging a sharp finger into Kaiser’s chest the second you’re close enough.

“I’m not handing this project over to you just because the boss said so, I expect you to stand back and let me do my job.”

Your legs power you away from the scene before any one of them can respond, a sudden lightness emanating from your chest the longer you keep walking. The outburst had happened before you could think about it, but you still meant it; This project had been yours for as long as you could remember, it wasn’t leaving your grasp anytime soon.

The sun is barely peaking through the high-rise windows of the sleek building before you’re in the office, the warm gold light drifting slowly across the reception, elongating your shadow before it’s cut off by the metal elevator doors. Each floor the machine passes feels like it’s strengthening your resolve, the balls of your shoulders rolling in their sockets as your fingers dig into the fabric of your work bag.

Your shoes meet the carpet covering your department floor in a steady rhythm, sending a gentle click-clack through the wide, empty space. The time on your phone reflects into your expectant gaze, 7:30am just like you’d planned, you had a lot to do today. Even though you would get in trouble for it, you had no intentions of letting Kaiser “help out” with your own project.

You wouldn’t even let him get the chance.

That’s why you were in the office early enough to make any of your colleagues groan, so early that the only person you’d seen on your way up had been a tired looking mouse beastman that you’re certain wanted to chase you back home with his broom. Your laptop is fully set up on your desk in less than a minute, every report, ledger, pitch you’d slaved over for the seaside project already open from the work you’d started last night, annoyance swirling deep in your gut until you’d finally poured it into your work.

As much as your boss would disagree, you didn’t gain anything from trying to get along with Kaiser for the sake of this project. It would be a waste of time; You suck up to him for a few days, he returns the favour by overriding most of your opinions, claiming the credit for whatever good ideas you had, all while leaving all of the work to you.

Years of experience working with hunters had already steeled your heart, letting them walk all over you during your earlier years before you finally did something. There was no doubt in your mind Kaiser would do the same.

With each minute that passes, your hands fly over the keyboard faster and faster, the tips of your fingers blurring into an efficient state that peeked out from your peripheral vision, adding to the already high word count of your document. It was slowly reaching thirty pages, each metric longer than the last; All of your reports were always near-perfect, but you needed this one to be stunning. If you wanted your company’s architectural partner to sign off on the renewed contract by the end of today, then no mistakes were allowed even near your desk.

The sound of your fingers frantically tapping each key takes over the atmosphere in the department, but that doesn’t mean you can’t pinpoint the sounds of your co-workers shuffling into the building, their weariness obvious to you without you needing to turn around. The nicer ones stop to greet you, your curt responses only making them laugh, already used to your behaviour.

The more useless office workers storm into the space with a volume that nearly shatters your self-control, already playing around with their equally useless friends like the office was their clubroom.

A brief vision snakes itself into your mind; One where you stand on your light wooden desk, hurling insults and miscellaneous items at the hunters in the room until it whipped them into shape, their furry heads and curled tails bowing neatly as they finally did proper work for the first time in their lives. The dream is gone before you know it, the words on your screen fading back into focus as your gaze narrows carefully, your fingers hovering over your laptop keys for just a second before you’re back to work. The need to take your project back greater than your irritation.

…

It’s been another two hours of your perfect workflow before something pulls you away from the world of spreadsheets and bar charts. It’s a sensation, a burning one that directs itself onto the back of your neck, almost crawling it’s way down your back until it flicks upwards. The feeling barely counts as anything, a second long lingering gaze in an ocean of glares constantly directed at you, but it feels like you’re being splayed open, body left gaping for a pair of curious hands to dig inwards.

You let a shiver run down your spine, the bone curving into the slight safety of your screen like a sunflower in the wind, a momentary weakness settling in to cut out of your determined efficiency. But you only allow it for a second before you’re running a careful hand over your neatly styled hair, sending the hefty document over e-mail with your other hand.

The ache in your legs nearly trips you, the fur coating the back of your legs slicked down with how long you’ve been sitting. The co-workers closest to you look up as you move, their soft smiles and genuine questions settling the lingering anxiety that had been rising in your gut better than any more work would have. You return their waves briefly, the path to your department’s break room mapped out in your head as your legs carry you.

Unfortunately, it seems like you came at the worst time possible.

The break room is even noisier than your cubicle had been, a bull beast man with horns as high as his volume is the first thing you hear the second the door is open. He’s surrounded by other hunters, just as loud and disruptive, seemingly turning their attention to one man sitting right in the middle of the crowd. You can only describe the look on Kaiser’s face as, bored, a deep boredom that clearly worries the surrounding beastmen, their jokes and taunts rising in volume like they were failing jesters trying to entertain an impatient king.

Your ears flick down to the sides of your head, still adjusting to the cacophony of noise you just stepped into, but it doesn’t beat the probing gaze that locks onto your form, following you to the barely working coffee machines closer to the end of the room.

The machine keeps you there for longer than necessary, each slow drip of dark brown liquid pressing down on your nerves as if to taunt you. Kaiser’s clique and whatever foolish conversation they were having is a lot quieter now, with some of their brazen sentences intercepted by hushed whispers that still included your name.

Most of your focus was trained on keeping the slight tremble in your limbs mostly unnoticeable; It was more than work related gripes that kept you away from most hunters, how weak they always made you feel weighed heavy on your mind.

“You know, if you need help, you should just ask.”

A furred, light beige hand reaches over your form, pressing a combination of buttons that somehow makes the coffee drip faster, quickly filling the cup in seconds when it had previously taken minutes to get the machine to fill up halfway. The voice alone makes your limbs lock up painfully, the smirk that crawls into your vision sending a blinding disgust from your calves up to the tips of your ears.

Kaiser leaves his arm hanging a few inches from your body, leaning over you with a look that seems too knowing for your liking. You watch him tilt his head to the side, light hair cascading over the condescending confusion that has replaced his previous smug smile.

“How’s the project going?”

Your fingers find the handle of the mug, pressing every ounce of irritation into the hardened glass as you present what you hope is a professional smile, quickly hiding the sneer that replaces it soon after with the rim of your coffee cup.

“I have things under control, thank you. Feel free to stay here with your.. friends.”

A cursory glance at the rest of the group is all you give them before you’re back out the door, silently savouring the sour looks they gave you as you left. The time sprawled across your watch only worsens your mood, a whole ten minutes earned you a less than disappointing cup of coffee and an unwanted interaction that you could’ve easily avoided. Your inbox is just as empty as when you’d left it, the e-mails pushed off to the side all greyed out, taken care of long ago with no updates in sight.

A slight frown makes its way across your features, folding your face inwards as your company phone weighs heavy in your hand, the cold plastic forcing your fur to tremble as the architecture firm’s company number comes to you as quickly as your own phone number. You let the call play out, the mechanical voice asking you to hold soon switched out by what sounds like a non-hunter. It’s not hard to tell that the receptionist is new, the frantic shuffling of what you assume are her work documents taking over her already, soft, nervous tone. She fumbles around a little more, apologising at least two more times before handing your call over to her boss.

The voice that answers several rings later is a lot rougher than the other lady. It’s a deep, baritone that drawls at the end of each sentence, a tone you’d expect from the kind of bosses’ that don’t do anything but still expect the work to fall into their lap. But that’s not what gets you at first.

You’ve been through so many phone calls and meetings that it’s now incredibly easy to figure out if the person you’re speaking to is a hunter or non-hunter, you learnt a long time ago that skill was needed when doing business with the two categories depended on how you spoke to them. In some cases, pin pointing the type of beastman came to you easily as well. The one you were speaking to was very clearly a hunter, most likely a tiger beastman from the deep rumble in his words.

This was not the same person you’d worked with last time.

The tiger’s impatient tone snaps you back to attention, your back straightening a little more with every silent second before you speak.

“Hi, yes my apologies. I’m calling from München Inc., I’d like to discuss the future of our collaboration on The Seasi-”

A sharp laughter immediately cuts you off, it starts out as a short sound before it turns into a deep fitful laugh that would’ve made your face burn hot if you were still an immature intern. You let the man laugh a little longer, silently hoping he’ll laugh himself into an early grave, a huff of disappointment escaping your snout the moment he starts to wind down.

“Look, kid I don’t have time for this. Are you being serious?”

“Yes sir, I-”

“Yeah, you can’t blame me for not believing that, can ya?” A moment of silence passes over the phone, the short breaths coming through the receiver leading you to believe he’s smoking, you can almost feel the smog blowing in your face as he pipes up again.

“I mean, what kinda hybrid even are ya?”

“I don’t believe that’s an appropriate question to ask.”

He barks out another laugh, letting a small cough slip into his slice of joy, his disbelief dripping off every word feeding into the humiliation wafting around your cubicle.

“See? That tells me all I need ‘ta know, only a green-toothed hybrid would react like that. And how am I ‘posed to do business with a meek little thing like you?”

He takes another drag of whatever the hell he’s smoking, a deep sigh floating into your ear from the receiver, almost like you’re the one being difficult. You can hear him lean forward, the shuffling of his clothes suddenly to sharp for your ears.

“Listen, I’ll do you a favour. Get me on the phone with yer’ boss next time, a real carnivore I can talk to properly, ya hear? Then we can talk business.”

The call hangs before you can say anything else, the professional insults you were about to spew straight into his tiny brain fizzling into a bitter ash that now coats your tongue, spreading under your fur like a slow-acting poison. You feel your hand slam the phone back into it’s place, a motion that feels so detached from your actual body.

The prejudice stopped shocking you years ago, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t affect you, as much as you tried to pretend it didn’t.

Your laptop slips back into your bag no problem, each file, document and seal slipping in just as easy, as if they knew if anything even shifted wrong, you would end up flying into a rage. The office fades into a quick paced blur, your colleagues concerned faces, along with a particularly infuriating gaze flying right off you as you head downstairs, the sound of your shoes rapidly slapping the marble tile of your office lobby resonating in your head.

You’re out on the street before you know it, the sun’s harsh glow doing nothing to slow you down. It may have been months since you’d visited that firm, but it’s location was still burned into your brain, catalogued into the same place as all the information on the seaside project that you’d acquired over the years.

The concrete is unforgiving on your feet; A whole thirty minute walk condensed into fifteen minutes simply because of the pure, unadulterated resentment that’s settled deep under your fur.

That tiger clearly didn’t know who you were; How much trouble you had to get in to get where you are, how much of your credibility you had to sacrifice to speak up, how many predators you’ve fought through to get here. You would show him even if it meant risking jail time.

You’re certain you look less than polished, your hair must be all over the place, your clothes wrinkled out of their usual composed elegance as you slam your bag down on the receptionist’s desk, scaring the poor rabbit out of her mind. She listens to you talk in what you hope is a level tone for about five minutes, looking carefully at every document you coldly slam onto the desk as well, before shaking her head, fear still hanging off every inch of her face. Through your own continued tirade, you can hear her telling you over and over, pushing out each word as both of you battle for who can talk the longest.

According to her, you need an appointment before you come in, a policy that didn’t exist for you the last time you came here.

“Excuse my partner here, we do have an appointment.”

Your composure loses the battle immediately, your head snapping around to meet the grin Kaiser’s currently directing at the receptionist, the booking visible on his phone even from where you’re standing. The rabbit beastman smiles back at him, all the fear she’d shown you now melted off completely as she types something into her system, handing Kaiser a slip of paper.

“Right this way sir, the boss is expecting you..”

He doesn’t follow her immediately, smoothly putting away his phone before he’s staring back at you, a hand stretched out slightly as though he just decided to act like a gentleman. The scowl on your face clearly only makes him even more smug, the sound of his shoes forming a leisurely stroll that contrasts the aggravated pace you’ve set, his posture the image of a confident relaxation that makes you want to strangle him.

The firm is nothing like you remember.

You’ve been sitting in what looks more like a host club rather than actual company, the deep red carpet spread across the floor of the waiting room not even close to matching the light beige colour scheme you’d noticed in the main lobby. Your clothes wrinkle against the cheap fabric of the couch under you, drawing an annoyed frown out of you before you’re back to looking around, trying to find even a pinprick of familiarity. You can’t align the company’s old memory with what you’re seeing now.

“The department you’ve been speaking to switched out managers a few months ago.” Kaiser stares down at you from the couch on the other half of the hallway, repeating himself when you snap back to reality.

“The new manager probably doesn’t like you already, that’s why you struggled to get in.”

It clicks in your head the moment he mentions it; embarrassment mixing in with a stinging ache that creates this muddled sensation settled in your lower abdomen. How had it taken you so long to connect the dots? Maybe it was delusion, or a pure, naive hope that didn’t let you think properly. You knew how the workplace treated non-hunters, you knew all too well how they were rewarded for their hard work, but you’d hoped the ten years the old boss had given this firm would’ve saved him from the inevitable.

The old boss treated you like you were his own flesh and blood; Always insisted on calls instead of e-mails, taking the time out of each one just to ask how you were doing. He loved it even more when you visited his office, it meant he got to bring out all of his traditional tea pots and strainers, brewing you a steaming cup with a gentleness that usually stopped you from bringing up your upcoming deadlines.

His soft, rounded rabbit features were always bent into a fatherly smile just for you, coming back to report your data and updates had always been the best part of this project. The thought of that tiger beastman ruining the office you basically considered a second home sent a wave of nausea coursing through your bones.

“You’re bold for trying to waltz in like that. What happened to not needing my help?”

Kaiser’s voice is starting to grate on your nerves, your gaze snapping up to the usual smirk on his face before it finds itself on the documents still tightly clenched in your hands, strolling over each word in a shoddy effort to calm yourself down. It was even more humiliating how right he was.

Your entire interaction at the front desk could have been more professional, shame creeping up from the neckline of your now rumpled clothes. You’d gotten too used to walking into this company like you owned it, the loss of your slight privilege enough to apparently turn you insane. It was times like this you truly needed a break from your workplace.

Whatever retort you had sticks itself to the inside of your throat as the receptionist walks up to you both, pointing towards a worn out door a few feet behind her, claiming the boss was ready for you now. You didn’t have to look at your watch to know too much time had passed since the appointment time Kaiser had set up, the continued unprofessional behaviour pissing you off even more. Kaiser gets up before you can get your papers in order, holding the door open with barely restrained boredom before he trails in another you.

It was expected, but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be shocked at the state of the office itself. It sends such an intense wave of disgust through your body, you’re surprised you don’t throw up right into the already filthy carpet.

Anything that would’ve even slightly reminded you of the old manager is gone, replaced with gaudy, ill-fitting pieces of furniture that barely match with each other. The room is bathed in a light grey haze, the windows shut against the smoke curling from the boss’ cigarette.

You were right, the new boss is a tiger beastman. Pure white fur conflicting horribly with the bright patterned shirt he has on, navy blue jacket hastily thrown into the outfit. He looks more like a delinquent than anything, the temptation to leave immediately taking control over your body. It takes Kaiser coughing into his hand a few times to realise you’ve just been standing there, with both of them staring like you’ve grown another set of horns. But there’s barely any point in sitting down when the second you do, the tiger quickly swivels to your left, spewing all sorts of baseless questions at Kaiser with the same predatory smile you’ve seen on your own boss numerous times.

The silence both of you give him isn’t even enough to deter him, his wide maw only letting out a boisterous laugh in return.

“What? Did I scare both of ya?” You watch him lean back onto his own couch, draping an arm over the back of it, taking in another puff of smoke, much to your dismay. “You can keep yer’ secrets, long as this deal makes me look good, I could care less!”

The temperature in the room drops several degrees, every inch of fur covering your arms now very aware of the malicious intent now emanating from the man beside you in waves.

“Then why are you wasting my time here?”

You refuse to look over at him, but the look on Kaiser’s face must have been so icy, it practically forces the cigarette to fall from the tiger’s mouth, his limbs locking up under the frigid pressure.

“There are several other, more than capable companies we could’ve chosen for this project. We stuck with yours because of..” His deep blue eyes flick to yours, staring daggers into the side of your head. “..previous relations. I’d suggest you don’t throw that trust away. I don’t work with imbeciles.”

Kaiser is clearly unaffected by the ripple of his own words, slinging an arm over the back of your shared chair, too close to your shoulder for comfort, crossing one leg over the other like this conversation was anything but hostile.

“Now if you are ready to take this seriously, direct any of your questions to my colleague here and we’ll be on our way.”

A heavy silence hangs itself at the end of his sentence, hovering over all three of you like a vengeful ghost, the only thing you can hear being the roaring laughter emanating from your mind, pure glee attempting to lift the corners of your lips. The tiger looks like a scolded child, head slightly hung, his arrogant, open legged posture now switched out for a more polite one, sweat coating the fur sticking to his forehead.

It feels like it’s been hours before he finally makes a move, letting out an awkward cough into the palm of his paw, turning his body towards you for the first time since you walked in.

“So.. d’ya have anything to show me?”

You fall into position before he’s even finished speaking, spreading all the documents you’d managed to rearrange during Kaiser’s rude monologue onto the worn table in front of both of you, going over each data set with a steady finger, your gaze flicking upwards every second to make sure he’s following along.

It’s amazing how long he manages to shut up for, all the bravado you’d been subjected to over the phone is long gone.

He still pipes up with a few comments; Quips about how he didn’t expect you to be “so smart”, jokes on how different you were from other prey hybrids he’d met. You never got the chance to defend yourself before a quick side glance from Kaiser would set the guy straight.

That was another thing you couldn’t hide your shock for. You had no doubt he was doing this for his own reasons, most likely irritation at how much this was taking out of his day, but it made you relax, even slightly. You didn’t have to wrack your brain for retorts when you apparently had your very own knight.

Either way, with his help the meeting goes a lot smoother than you would’ve expected when you first walked in. It doesn’t look like the boss understands completely what you have planned for this part of the project, but he signs the contract anyway, sending one last nervous smile in Kaiser’s direction, one that he responds to with an unimpressed frown so deep it keeps the tiger tensed up in his seat until both of you pack up and leave.

…

The walk back to your office is a lot nicer when you’re not letting outrage pound itself into every step, the contract warming something in your expression even through the layers of folders. Kaiser trails behind you, his gaze flicking on and off your shoulder like he’s trying to pretend he’s not staring at you. You have an idea what he wants; The look you saw on him outside the firm waiting for an ecstatic ‘thank you’ that didn’t come. You’d gotten a good glimpse of the offended frown that passed over his face before you’d started walking.

“I can’t believe that idiot almost wasted my whole day.”

His attempt at conversation quickly flies over your head, almost makes you laugh as you try not to turn around just to see the expression he’s making. A small part of you had actually wanted to thank him, your habit of professional politeness nearly taking over your pride by just an inch. You’d changed your mind of course, this small bit of compassion didn’t override his past crimes, no matter how much respect it had aroused from you.

“Why are you still working with him? He must think you’re even more stupid than he could’ve imagined, he insults you and still manages to swindle a contract out of you”

The high-rise windows of your office building start coming into view, relief flowing all the way up to the tips of your horns, breathing out a small sigh you hope Kaiser doesn’t count as your reaction to his words. You’re barely even thinking about that, tuning out his complaints the same way you did to that tiger beastman on the phone, already planning out what you had to get sorted as you press the button for the ground floor elevator.

“I’m constantly working with predators that think I’m stupid, weak, useless. But I still get my work done, don’t I? I’m not going to risk my credibility as a worker because my pride has been hurt.” You’re facing him now, using what little you have of your body to block him from entering.

“Some of us don’t have that luxury.”

Your finger has already found the button for your floor, jamming into it with all the strength you’d used to walk to that firm and back, your legs now aching under the pressure of knowing reprieve was in sight.

The smile on your face snaps tight into shards that cut the atmosphere into tense pieces, not twitching in the slightest as the doors close. For a second, you thought you saw a flicker of shock mixed in with the previous annoyance from earlier on Kaiser’s face, but that’s none of your concern.

Not when the stupid look on his face is the only thing you’ve memorised from your conversation, the sight enough to finally quell the level of upset you’d dragged in from that firm.

It’s not surprising that the harsh words of another predator would set the tiger beastman straight, but it still astounds you just how much he’s been affected.

The boss has been on his best behaviour for a few days now; Sending you update emails and reports without you asking first, going over important details with a seriousness that you honestly didn’t expect.

A lot of his new behaviour also stems from his assistant, the little rabbit receptionist you’d accidentally taken your anger out on that day. She was just as on top of things, working so much faster than you wished you had when you were her age.

You dig the soles of your shoes into the plush carpet under you, swinging your seat side to side as you stare into the pixels of your laptop, the most recent e-mail from that assistant bringing a genuine smile to your face. It started out with a detailed report of where they were progress-wise, but it’s the pictures that get to you first.

The attachments contain rows of materials, laying right next to what you can tell is the ground work for the next set of homes. It’s been so long since you’ve seen things like this, progress that actually mattered towards the completion of this project. It makes you feel fulfilled again, in a way that none of your other projects ever could.

Your mouse clicks around a few times, sending the most positive sounding e-mail you can musters back to the architecture firm, while another set of clicks forwards a copy of the mail you got to Kaiser; No notes, no plans to discuss anything, no meeting allocations.

A part of you still despised yourself for not planning properly, for giving him the opportunity to butt into your business at the firm and making you look like the less organised one. If he wanted to involve himself so badly, he could head back to the firm and talk to people himself.

Speaking of Kaiser, it’s beginning to irritate you how much you see him around the department floor, your previous piece of respect dulled back down into shallow annoyance you were used to with him.

You’ve done your part of limiting your contact with him to forwarding him every e-mail you received, but he doesn’t seem satisfied with that. Every time he walks into the main office, or one of the branching hallways, his eyes would find yours immediately, marching his way towards you as your legs would then pump enough strength to power you away before he would even speak to you. You’d been doing that everyday for the past few days and you could tell it pissed him off just as much as it did you.

If it wasn’t interfering with your work, it would almost be funny. The fact that he hasn’t gone off to to report you to your boss is another surprising factor.

…

Of course today is another one of those days, but he’s being especially persistent. You barely get a few minutes to sit at your desk before he’s back again, glaring so hard it freezes the bones of the other non-hunters around you. Your little cat and mouse chase doesn’t last long, with Kaiser’s fingers winding their way around your wrist, digging in so tight you’re sure if he released you, the fur in that area would be slicked down completely.

He drags you into a nearby meeting room, still panting from the chase you’d put him through, pushing a hand through his hair the second he’s comfortable. Your gaze burrows into his hand on your arm, twisting the limb a few times before you give up, realising he’d learnt a lesson that meant he wouldn’t let go.

“Why the fuck are you so hard to catch?”

Your shrug your shoulders, relaxing the arm that’s still caught in his grasp, your back finding the wall a few inches behind you, leaning into the most comfortable position you can manage.

“Instinct.” He doesn’t even crack a smile, staring into your eyes like you personally offended him. “What do you want?”

Kaiser lets out another sigh, the third one in five seconds, looking into the space beside your head before he’s back to gazing at you. You quirk a tired eyebrow at him, already regretting not moving fast enough this time.

“We should add another company to our collaborators. With the way we’re going, we’ll be at this for another two years. I don’t have that patience.”

You swallow the offence rising rapidly in your throat, dedicating several bits of energy to not letting a thick vein pop out on your forehead. The audacity to suggest a decision that would usually take months of thinking and mapping out isn’t lost on you, especially since he’s doing it in the darkness of some dingy meeting room like you’re having an affair. You grit your teeth into a grating smile, steeling your arm so hard you’re worried for a second your bones might break.

“Oh I didn’t know you had such bold ideas, do you have a firm in mind or do I also have to do that part?”

You watch the way his jaw ticks, the lighter blue of his irises darkening slightly as you stare back with the same intensity.

“I know a few people at Apex, they’re the best out of all the options I’ve looked through. I can get us a briefing in a few days. ”

The name drops like a stone in your stomach, sending a tremor that cascades down your limbs in a slow, painful wave. The fire in your eyes extinguishes itself almost immediately, so quickly even Kaiser notices it, raising an eyebrow in a genuine confusion that pushes down that misery to make way for burning anger.

Apex Limited.

Most people knew them because they were one of the giants in the construction industry, constantly bringing in a number of clients and profits that the firm you were already collaborating with would never see in their entire lifetime. You knew them for entirely different reasons.

It was years ago, at least that’s the excuse you heard from most people, but the memory still burnt fresh in your mind. Apex were going through what they claimed were tough budget cuts at the time, so bad that when things came to a head, their management decided to fire almost three thousand of their non-hunter employees without severance or an explanation, without touching a hair on any predator employee’s head.

Your friend was one of those employees, you had to watch her have the position she’d fought through several interviews for, the ideas she’d had rejected and refined over and over again, handed over to someone else just because she wasn’t born with the “natural instinct” Apex claimed it’s predator employees possessed. Regardless of the time passed, Apex’s existence alone stood against everything the seaside project aimed to accomplish.

Collaborating with them would go against the core aims of this, as well as your morals as a non-hunter beastman specifically.

“Are you insane?!” Maybe it’s pure rage, but you manage to break your arm out of Kaiser’s hold in one swift movement, clenching it at your side so tight you can hear your fingers crack.

“Why would we work with Apex when everyone knows how much they hate the same hybrids we’re trying to help? Do you want my hard work to fall apart?!”

Kaiser drags a tired hand down his face like you’re the one being unreasonable, folding his arms in front of his chest in an action that’s meant to make you back down, or maybe that’s the anger speaking to you, picking every little thing apart just so you can fight.

“Can you calm down? That incident was years ago, they have just as many prey beastmen as they do predators. What happened to not letting pride get in the way of business?”

“Don’t you dare.” You’re in his face now, jabbing a sharp finger into Kaiser’s chest with all the energy you can muster, the mix of emotions almost making your head swim.

“Whether or not that incident matters is not up to you because you’ll never know what it’s like to lose your job, your dignity, your life just because something as small as your species matters even more to someone else.” You turn towards the room door, your hand digging into the cold metal doorknob, letting it ground you for just a moment.

“Apex is off the table.. I never want to hear about this agai-”

“I’ve already told the boss.” Kaiser watches the utter shock on your face with an almost careful resignation, taking the time to adjust the sleeves of his shirt just so he won’t see that shock turn into betrayal. “He agrees with me. We’re making contact with them soon.”

For a long time, both of you stand there, completely silent, the only sound being the slow tick of the room’s clock. Each tick feels like it rings painfully in your ears, the sweat that had been rolling down your back before coming back full force. How many times were they going to do this? Change the smaller pieces of this project until it turned into something you didn’t even want anymore. Maybe that was the plan. For Kaiser to override your decisions until it was his completely. Clearly, asking the boss to share this project with you was a ruse; You hadn’t even let your guard down and he still emerged victorious.

The thought makes you sick, a harrowing sickness that feels like it’s carving bits out of your sanity the longer you stay there. Kaiser doesn’t make any moves to stop you from leaving, and you almost want to hit yourself for even thinking for a second that he would.

The office floor is completely silent, a soft wind floating in from the open windows, shuffling stray documents and carding through your hair in a motion that keeps you calm. The sun had sunk below the horizon a long time ago, the radiant white ball faded to give way to the light crescent that now hangs high in the sky.

You cast a careful gaze out the nearest window, watching life pass you by on the streets below. The neon city lights glittering even from how far down they are, casting a multi-coloured sheen onto your cubicle and the surrounding desks.

This is the fifth time this week you’ve had to work overtime, the pads of your fingers are starting to feel concave with how much you’ve been typing at your computer. Your boss had done a great job of making the project sound like the biggest thing since sliced bread to the Apex board members, such an amazing job that they wanted all your progress pressed into a neat little pitch for them to either reject or sign up for.

And you only had a week left.

Your boss had pulled you aside the day after it was confirmed, hissing out a careful warning with such restraint he almost popped a blood vessel. Kaiser had already told him how you acted after he broke the news, and even without that you were already on thin ice with this project. Any other screw ups and you would be out without so much as an explanation.

All the back to back work is starting to wear you thin; You had to update and put together all your graphs, take as many good metrics as you could find from your reports over the years and inflate them until they looked unreal. You and Kaiser spent a whole afternoon arguing about how adding in images of the homes and beastmen you’d already helped would look, with him claiming that the pitch needed to be objective, and you countering that the core of the project itself was charity work, you couldn’t take an objective stance on that.

Kaiser really wasn’t helping with the fray of your mental state, especially since he seems to think him bringing in Apex meant he could take more of the project from you. You’re still beyond pissed at him for that, for coming up with the idea in the first place down to him choosing to go forward with it without talking to you, or even e-mailing you first. And you made that irritation known.

If you had a cent for every time you snapped at him over something simple this past week, you would have enough to buy yourself a grocery store meal. But you would also have another handful of coins for every time Kaiser remained calm in response, still going back and forth with you but with the tone of a tired parent trying to correct a child.

Even now, he’s completely still; thin, rounded frames sat neatly right above his nose, crisp, dark blue shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, hair tied up into a half up half down that almost makes him look like a teenager.

He’s been sitting at your desk since people started filing out of the office at six, barely speaking as he opened your shared presentation, his cursor flicking around on your own screen, heading off to the section you’d designated to him. You can feel his gaze lift up to meet you just as you turn your head, a questioning tiredness radiating off him in waves.

“Change the chart on slide 9, we need a more recent one.” You meet his gaze a second later, letting a slight sneer cross your features. “Or do you need to tell the boss first before you do that too?”

His hands still on the keyboard below them, his eyes narrowing under the weight of your sarcastic jab. You watch him take off his glasses, pinching the bridge of his snout with two fingers before he’s back to looking at you.

“What did I do now?”

“Don’t make me spell it out for you, I don’t have the time for that.”

You’re staring back at your laptop before he can respond, letting the sound of your typing take over the whole floor, drowning out whatever he wanted to say. The next five minutes pass like that, with your gaze unintentionally flicking over to the man beside you, snapping back every time it looked like both of you would make eye contact.

“Choosing Apex was… a miscalculation.”

Your head swings violently to where he’s sitting then, shock hanging off your features before it crumples into a disbelieving frown. But you don’t get to respond before he’s speaking again, his other hand reaching for something in the briefcase resting below his chair.

“I didn’t think it would affect you that badly.” He slides a document onto the space of your desk, the lacklustre apology barely registering in your head as your eyes rake over the piece of paper. “I was going to give that to you later, but since you’re so upset..”

“What is this?”

From what you can see it seems like a research report on a company called Voyage Co., you’ve never heard of them but according to the data settled neatly at the bottom of the page, they’re almost at the level of Apex, their only problem being funding. Against your own wishes, you can feel a delicate anticipation rising in your chest, almost tying your stomach into several knots. Kaiser sighs one more time when you look up at him, the ghost of a smile passing over his features.

“I still think Apex is the best we can find, and it’s already too late to change things now. But if they don’t think our pitch is good enough, then we can go with Voyage. They’re fully pro pre-”

The awkward look on his face is hard to ignore but it reluctantly fades, like he’s being bullied.

“..They’re pro non-hunter, they’ve made massive donations to several non-hunter charities over the years. Compared to Apex, they’re a lot better social wise. I’ve already sent them an e-mail”

Another moment of silence passes between you two, but it’s a lot calmer now. A peaceful silence that flows around your bodies like the wind still swirling in from the window. It feels like a weight has been lifted off your chest, like you can breathe for the first time in a while. The report is perfect, complete data sets lined with carefully chosen pictures, just the way you would write one. The thoughtfulness actually does something to you, a light feeling that places itself in the depths of your heart, making your breath hitch ever so slightly.

“Is that good enough for you?”

“It’s a lot better..” You push the paper back to him slightly, flopping your head into your hand, staring at him with the tiniest hint of amusement. “But aren’t you worried I’ll screw up the pitch so we get to use Voyage instead?”

Kaiser let’s out an amused huff, the usual smirk soon replacing the slight remorse that had been hanging off his face.

“You would rather die than fuck up a deal, I think we both know that.”

…

The next week is cordial. You and Kaiser are not the best of friends now because he took a second to appreciate how you might feel, but you’re no longer at each other’s throats. You’ve managed to keep most of your harsher comments to yourself, and Kaiser for the most part has dedicated himself to consulting you first before making any bigger decisions with what you have now.

You feel stupid for saying it now, but things work a lot faster when you two are in sync, it’s almost gross how well you work with him. Aside from personal issues, you agree on almost everything; The way information should be formatted, the most important talking points. Every time you give your boss a quick update, he stares at both of you like you’ve been replaced with robots that actually know what it means to get along.

It’s also hard not to notice how often you’ve caught Kaiser staring at you, for seemingly no reason. And every time you stare back, eyebrow raised to ask what he wants, his gaze wanders off like you’re the one who was caught staring first.

As per usual, the office is completely empty when you step in, your shoes making it’s presence known on the marble tiles with a renewed confidence. You’d gone all out the day before; New shoes, new clothes, a suit jacket so crisp the shoulders are practically touching your ears. A row of empty meeting rooms run down the hallway for you to pick, giving you the freedom to check each one until you find one with the best seats.

You start going over your lines the second your laptop is plugged in, making the most of your space as you try to look up from your phone most of the time. It’s easy to run through everything when you’ve barely given Kaiser any lines. It wasn’t a malicious decision, at least that’s what you kept telling yourself, but it made sense.

You knew way more about this project, you had more hands on experience than he would ever gain from reading all your reports. And if anything, he doesn’t seem to mind. He’s seen the presentation notes a million times, if he had any complaints you’re sure you would’ve heard them by now.

No matter how many times you read through each line, you can’t get your hands to stop shaking.

Regardless of how you feel about Apex, they’re still a massive company, a big company willing to invest in a project your firm considered unimportant the first day you’d picked it up. You’ve been through the script about ten times now, the time on your screen reflecting a simple fifteen minutes since you’d walked in, before the sound of someone stepping into the meeting room reaches your ears.

Kaiser stands at the door, a few slicked back strands following the way he tilts his head, as if he’s surprised to see you there. You bring your attention back down to your device, clicking all the way back to the beginning of the presentation, looking back up briefly to see him nod at the monitor behind you.

“Looks good.”

“I know.” You don’t have to look up to know he’s smirking at you, dropping his briefcase down on the lengthy, dark wooden table, before taking a seat on the chair right in the middle. He crosses one leg over the other, leaning back into the plush desk chair with an arrogance that nearly flips your stomach, much to your disdain.

“Pitch it to me.”

He matches your stare with the same intensity, not even shaking under the weight of the glare you give him. A resigned sigh escapes from your lips as you switch the slides to a presenter’s view, scanning the introductory paragraph one last time.

“Want me to go over your lines too?”

“Not that I have that many to begin with, but sure, knock yourself out.”

The next hour passes in a steady rhythm, the professional smile on your face cracking with every “flaw” Kaiser points out. In the first trial run, your movements were too clunky, then you moved around too much. One second you stand like a frigid robot, the next you’re standing too loosely. It takes you about five more complaints before you snap, your smile quickly turning into a grimace as you flick through the slides once more.

“If you’re so confident, then you come do it. Let me see your pitch”

You switch places quickly, the smirk never leaving Kaiser’s face as he takes his position beside the monitor. The second he starts, irritation swiftly rises in your chest; It’s honestly infuriating how easily he catches your attention, making the script sound more interesting than you could even if you’d edited it a million times, adding small quips to the end of each sentence that sounded so natural you were tempted to check the script again. He let’s out a huff the moment he’s done, raising an eyebrow in playful condescension.

“How did I do?”

“Terrible.” You lean into the table, pointing an offended finger at where he’s standing. “Your hair is out of place, makes you look dumb.”

Kaiser drags a hand through his hair, staring at you like he’s trying to model for a fashion agency. “You know that’s a lie.”

You push yourself out of the chair, trying to hide how hard you role your eyes as you take your place beside Kaiser, already pointing out a few things to edit. Both of you do as much as you can, very much aware of how long you have till the presentation, but you still manage to tick a few things off. You’re still going through the slides when the room door opens again, your boss’ tired face reflecting back at you from where he’s peeking in. He breathes a sigh of relief, pushing into the room in a gruff motion that immediately tells you how stressed he is.

“Good, I figured you two would be here already. Show me what you’ve got.”

The lines come to you easier now; You can feel your smile settle on your face nicely, a gesture that actually looks genuine now. Your voice is a lot steadier, resonating through the room so loud you’re sure everyone can hear you from outside. Kaiser does his part the same way he did during your trials runs, perfectly and without pause, but the look on your boss’ face only gets darker. He’s silent for what feels like hours before he directs his gaze towards you, clasping his hands in front of his snout, glancing at the monitor like it’ll ease his nerves.

“A lot of these lines are yours..”

“Yes, because it’s my project” You cut in faster than he can continue his sentence, dread already pooling in your stomach at what it seemed like he was insinuating. Your boss let’s out a heavy sigh, running a hand over his eyes before he holds it up to you.

“Don’t start. I’m just saying, Apex would like it more if a..” His eyes flick to yours, guilt confronting the resigned expectation swirling around in your irises. “..hunter, were to present the pitch. You know how these things are”

The silence stretches on for as long as possible, wrapping itself around your limbs until they’re shaking from the force. Even Kaiser stares like he can’t believe it, the sound of his breath hitching just a bit enough to break the silence. You can see the gears turning in his head from your peripheral vision, his mouth opening most likely to jump in the same he had the first time in that firm, before you cut him off with the slam of your laptop.

“Please excuse me for a second.”

You’re out of the office before any of them can actually process what you said, your legs carrying you as fast as you could manage. The wind whipping against your face helps soothe the sting behind your eyes, never even giving them the chance to fall.

What did you expect?

Things had been going well for too long, the world had to remind you of your place one last time.

The chill hits you like a freight train, only burying your sorrows briefly, before it comes back full force. You file into the office stairwell like you’re on a mission, somewhere in between your floor and the department below, the cold metal stairs digging into your back as you finally sit down for the first time today. You let your head fall into your hands, smearing the gel you’d meticulously placed in your hair to style it perfectly, as if a part of your body had already given up.

You don’t know how long you’ve been there before someone walks in with you, another wave of frigid air coming in through the door as a pair of warm, brown shoes come into your vision. You let the silence pass between you two, barely looking up while you focus your stare into the groves on each staircase, hoping that dries the tears still clinging to your eyes.

“How long are you going to sulk here like this?”

Kaiser falls silent after that, like he knows if he says anymore, you might actually do something you’re going to regret. The air around him crackles with irritation, his foot tapping into the metal incessantly, but somehow, you can tell he’s angry for you, not at you.

“Apex officials are already here, boss is leading them up to the board rooms”

You drag your hands down your face one more time, letting out a deep sigh into your palms, before you finally look up at him, the tiredness reflected in your gaze enough to soften the anger rising in his.

“Fine. We'll switch slides, you can take the first ten and I’ll do the conclusions. We’ll answer questions together.”

The words are barely out of your mouth before a sudden weightlessness takes over, dragging you upwards and out of the stairwell faster than your legs can compute. Any complaints you have are drowned out by the sound of both of your shoes clacking against the floors, marking their path all the way back to your initial meeting room. Kaiser pushes a USB drive into your palm, his grip on your wrist suddenly bruising.

“Don’t make me regret doing this.”

And that’s all you get before you’re shoved into the board room, alone, the door clicking shut behind you as if sealing your fate. All eyes in the room turn to you, the Apex logos written across the badges on each beastman’s chest sending a fresh wave of fear through you. But your body moves on autopilot, smoothing down your hair and clothes long before you get to the middle of the room, flashing a near perfect, professional smile.

3 non-hunters, 2 hunters.

That ratio shuts the presentation down completely; your voice coming out smoother than you’d ever heard it before, your smile stays in place, so wide you can see the investors smiling along with you the longer you go on.

It’s the easiest fifteen minutes of your life, every point laid out so well you can’t even spot a flicker of doubt in the investors eyes. Their hands come together automatically, as if the applause you’re receiving is a birth right. And by the looks on their faces, the contract might as well be in your hands.

You stand back to speak privately with one of the officials, a sharp looking tortoise beastman that stares at you like you’re offering her a lifeline. Even with her engaging conversation, your gaze finds Kaiser beyond the door, giving him a brief nod that couldn’t possibly convey your appreciation, but he reciprocates it anyway, turning to escort the remaining investors back into the lobby.

The days since your pitch have somehow been more stressful than the week before it.

You’ve spent every second pacing the office, gravitating between your desk, the hallways, and the break room. The work you have left to do can’t even compare to how much you put into the pitch, and that’s what you tell yourself as you refuse to do any work, your hands stuck in your mouth while you bite your fingernails instead of their usual position on your keyboard.

The pitch was a complete success, you can tell from your own experiences, the years you spent studying investors and their expressions while you spoke had worked in your favour. You knew Apex would come back with positive news. It was just a bout of petty anxiety; You couldn’t stop your mind from spiralling every second, visions of the deal going wrong, your boss taking it out on you mixing together in your mind. That was another thing. The stunt you pulled the day off was a direct defiance against your boss’ orders, and with how much you’ve been constantly stressing him over the years, you wouldn’t be surprised if he fired you soon.

The whole thing was Kaiser’s idea, but whatever streak of kindness he was having wouldn’t cover the event of your hypothetical termination.

You’ve also seen Kaiser a lot more around the office, working more than you’d seen in a while. For a second it almost feels like he’s following you, but the calm look he gives you every time you make eye contact tells you otherwise. He looks at you like he can finally see your face, like he’s actually getting to know you now. Sometimes it sends sharp shivers up your spine.

He’s been moving quietly for a while now, and you believed it was because your petty behaviour the week before had beat it into him, but he’s kept to himself; Disassociating from his old group that used to put emphasis on how they looked and not how they worked, and without their “king” to hold them together, they disbanded like a failed group of thieves.

The man in question is bent over your cubicle now, pointing out errors on the reports in front of you with that serene expression that still manages to stir something in your stomach, though you can’t tell whether it’s irritation or something else anymore. He crosses out one more issue with the pen in his hand before he looks up at you for a second, the look in his eyes an emotion you can’t decipher.

“Boss is calling you to his office, he’s been looking for you all morning.”

Your heart drops straight into your stomach, your pupils blowing wide for a moment before you try to brush the feeling away. Kaiser watches you stand up on shaky legs, smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles on your clothing.

This was it; You briefly consider saying good bye to your colleagues in advance, but the dramatic thought is cast from your mind in that same second. You only make it a few steps before you turn back, looking at him over your shoulder with confusion written across your features.

“You’re not coming with?”

He shrugs, placing the pen back down on your desk and then leaning against it, hands shoved casually into his pockets.

“I don’t have to anymore, tell me what he says”

…

The office doors feel like they’re making fun of you as your hands tremble against them, the metal almost shocks your palm, sending a harsh wave of shivers through your limbs before it finally gives way under your hands. Your boss looks up from his laptop, crooking his hand in a motion to welcome you in, not even registering the apprehension hanging off your face. Both of you stay in your positions, the sound of your boss’ frequent clicking permeating the thick silence. In your mind it’s been several hours before he shuts the screen, gently taking off his reading glasses and folding his arms on the solid wood table, actually looking at you this time.

“I know what happened that day.” He speaks before you can spit out an apology, the words forcing your head to snap up in a painful motion. “Michael stopped me right outside that board room, told me what he’d done.”

You watch him take a deep breath, his neutral expression melting into one filled with a heavy guilt that you can tell is weighing down on him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t-” He pauses, his eyebrows crinkling painfully as he glances down at the desk and then back at you with a renewed wave of guilt.

“No. I did know what I was doing. I kept giving away your opportunities, undermining you and the other non-hunters because of.. my own prejudice. I knew good and well how capable you were, still are, but I never showed it in the ways that mattered.”

It looks like the words are fighting their way out of his throat, leaving the scorching trail of accountability in it’s wake. The apology leaves a lump in your throat; The naive, twenty year old intern who just wanted to be treated with the same professionality as their peers would’ve wept tears of relief, but the you now, who’s experienced too much to know a simple apology couldn’t erase anything can only stay silent as your boss continues.

“There are no excuses for it, but I want you to know I mean it. I’m sorry it took me this long to admit what I was doing was wrong.”

The wolf beastman in front of you stares into your eyes with a profound misery you’ve never seen before, mixed in with a slice of desperate hope that almost makes you uncomfortable. The words “it’s fine” aren’t even close to the tip of your tongue, you’ve been saying that for too long too utter the words again now. You swallow them back down, simply nodding your head once, your boss could interpret that however he liked.

A sad smile passes over his face, gone the next second as he turns his laptop to face you, the interface of the document he presents to you shooting a beam of pure, unadulterated pride straight to your chest.

“I’m sure you already figured it out, but Apex accepted the deal. They sent me a restated contract this morning”

Elated isn’t enough to describe the feeling that rises in your stomach, spreading a genuine smile across your face. You had figured they would accept, but hearing the news still does wonders for your mood. You want to run back to the main office and tell all of your colleagues, the image of Kaiser waiting for good news at your table bringing your frantic thoughts to a harsh stop. Your boss must’ve noticed the gears turning in your head because he speaks up a moment later, turning his device back to face him.

“Michael dropped out of the project this morning, said it belonged to you from the beginning.”

He barks out a laugh at the genuine confusion that’s plastered on your face, flashing you a brighter smile than the one he’d shown you a moment before.

“You should be happy, kid, isn’t this what you wanted?”

You feel conflicted for a long time, as your legs carry you out of the office, all the way back to the main floor, your mind races with thoughts you can’t keep up with. And by the time you get back to your chair, the man who’s caused all this is gone, his pen still placed neatly beside the stack of documents you’d abandoned.

In the several years you’ve been at the company, this is the busiest you’ve ever been so far. Apex works fast, faster than the other collaborator you were still working with. By the time the ink of your signature had dried on that contract, they’d moved in droves, storming the construction site you’d already had planned with enough materials to build beyond the amount of houses you had planned. There were constantly construction workers who wanted your opinion on layouts, managers that needed reports on where the project was headed every second.

You were never in the office for longer than ten minutes, always getting pulled in different directions, which meant you couldn’t ask Kaiser why he’d dropped out at the peak of the project. With every bit of work your crawl through, you can’t help but think how much easier this would be if he was still working with you, as much as it pains you to admit.

You have far more important things to think about, but it still nags at your psyche sometimes when you’re sitting in your room alone, hands paused over your laptop. He was a thorn in your side for half of the time he was here, but that didn’t mean you didn’t appreciate what he’d done.

The project was gaining this much progress because of him. A tiny part of you feels like it’s your fault, maybe you’d been too rude and he couldn’t take it. But he’d treated you just fine the last few days, a little reserved, but you don’t think he would retreat like that if you’d actually offended him.

In the very few times you’re fully in the office, you’ve seen him milling about, clearly busy with his own stuff. And every time, the temptation to just walk up to him and ask him all the questions still plaguing your mind surfaces, before embarrassment takes over. It would look like you were begging him to come back, like you needed to him continue this project with you, and that’s not true in any shape, way or form.

But you also can’t reconcile with the fact that a part of you would want to keep working with him.

The thought drives you mad for two more days before you’ve had enough; Sitting at your desk, clutching a thick stack of progress reports to your chest, almost ripping the paper at the back with how hard you’re holding them. You’ve had them printed out since the second you stepped into the office early in the morning, the energy it took to convince yourself to print it enough to wear you out for the whole day. This was the only thing you could think of, and you weren’t going to humiliate yourself further by chickening out.

It takes you a hot minute to find what you’re looking for, those familiar blonde into blue locs peeking out at you from the windows of one of the board rooms. You place a hand on the door knob, taking a deep breath before you’re pushing your way inside. Kaiser’s sitting at the head of the table, looking beyond bored as he and a few other hunters throw around ideas for what looks like an up and coming project, from what you can see on the room’s monitor.

Everyone’s eyes turn to you the second you step in, gazes mostly filled with a laughable amount of envy. A lot of your hunter co-workers looked at you like ever since your deal with Apex became public knowledge, with most of them probably kicking themselves for not picking the project up earlier.

But that’s not what you’re focused on; Kaiser raises an eyebrow at you, eyes narrowing at the way you tilt your head back at the door, silently asking him to follow you, before you retreat into the hallway. You regret it almost immediately, ordering him around like some dog wasn’t going to help your case, but he doesn’t say anything, simply getting up to meet you at the door. He throws a quick farewell over his shoulder, before he’s opening the door to another room, looking at you over his shoulder to make sure you’re following.

The sound of the door shutting draws an involuntary flinch from you, the silence immediately making you uneasy. But you don’t let the felling fester before you’re shoving your crumpled documents into Kaiser’s hands, avoiding the questioning look he gives you and only looking back when you know he’s too busy looking through them to catch you staring. Standing there waiting for him to give you feedback you don’t need makes you feel like an intern again, your pride taking a bruising that you’re forced to shove deep down.

“It’s good, seems intact..” He stretches the papers back out to you, the ghost of a genuine smile touching his lips. “But you didn’t need me to tell you that.”

You stare down at the cover page, not moving an inch to take them, letting the silence wash over both of your forms. The words almost stick in your throat, sharp and biting, even with how simple they are.

“You dropped the project.. why?”

Kaiser shrugs, knowing smirk tugging at his lips as he drops the stack onto the table behind him, positioning himself on the surface before turning back to you.

“You’re better suited for it, that’s why it was yours to begin with”

That barely answers anything for you, the rest of the questions you have sitting on the tip of your tongue before you finally look at him, at the way his gaze flicks to the side for a moment, the way he swallows like it’s painful for him to do so. You keep quiet because you can see how much more he has to say, it’s written all over his face.

“I thought you were useless, first time I saw you complaining in the boss’ office, one of those beastmen that did mediocre work and expected to be given the same benefits as everyone else…”

He’s still not looking into your eyes, reminiscing with a tone that harbours not the slightest bit of guilt, like he’s telling you something that doesn’t involve him.

“But the boss’ wouldn’t stop pleading your case, only after you were long gone, almost made me apologise for what I said to you that day. I wanted to see if he was right, wanted to get into that head of yours.” His fingers stops short right in between your eyes, the closeness still making you shift back a little, much to his apparent amusement.

“Then I realised you weren’t that useless, and I thought if I showed you how much I could get done, you would ease up a little.”

The documents finally makes their way back into your hands, Kaiser dropping them in your palms with a heavy thud, showing you what you finally decipher as a genuine smile.

“You work better alone, I know that now.”

You watch him tap the first page absentmindedly, the slight remorse on his face giving way to a sudden mischief.

“No one’s going to believe you if you tell them I said that, by the way.”

That draws a genuine laugh out of you, the sound breaking away at the tension previously hanging over the room. You don’t know what to make of the revelation, the fact that every action you’d dismissed as an arrogant overstepping was him trying to help, even if it was for his own curiosity, makes you want to smack your forehead in shame; But you still want to hit him for weaselling his way into your work just because he didn’t believe you were a capable worker.

“You haven’t celebrated yet, right?” He clarifies when you stare up at him, confused. “The deal, you should’ve had a celebratory brunch or something.”

The thought makes you sigh out loud, you wish you had the time for a celebratory anything, even if it was a nap. Even thinking of it now, you’ve never commemorated any of your accomplishments with anything; You’d just kept powering on, pushing your way to the next one. Kaiser frowns like you’ve just given him bad news when you shake your head no, letting out a clearly frustrated snort.

“Then let me take you to dinner. Just you and me.”

Your breath hitches at the implication, and he doesn’t do anything to clarify, simply staring down at you with this knowing smirk that almost makes your head spin. You shuffle on your feet from side to side, shifting the weight in your hands until it sits comfortably pressed against your side.

“I thought you were really annoying too, for a long time.” The look on Kaiser’s face crumples in five seconds, but you direct your gaze elsewhere. “You’re arrogant, rude, you don’t know how to talk to people..”

“Okay that’s enou-”

“But you’re good at what you do.. and I like people like that”

If you had actually looked at the shock evident on his face, you’re sure you would’ve burst into laughter and ruined the moment. You turn to the door instead, smiling at him from over your shoulder.

“I know a really nice place downtown, you’re paying”

The sun casts a luminescent glow on your small apartment, spreading rays of pure gold through the blinds hovering over your kitchen window. A gentle breeze flows in from the cracks, barely muffling the sounds of the city waking up. Your breakfast lays almost complete on the bowl in front of you, a good portion of salad that you pick at every second, popping vegetables into your mouth with every extra ingredient you add.

You start mixing everything together, checking the time on your phone with the other; A small frown tugs at the corners of your mouth. It’s been an hour since you should’ve left for work.

Your shoulders practically jump up to your horns when you feel something touch your waist, a burly pair of arms snaking their way around their mid-section before you feel a sudden weight fall into your shoulder. Bright blonde locs make their way into your vision, distracting you for a second that Kaiser uses to steal a piece of tomato from your salad, flinging it into his mouth before you can stop him.

“Hey!” A small smack lands on the arm still tightly hugging your waist but it doesn’t do anything, a low chuckle being all you get in response.

You pause for a second before threading one hand through his hair, an soft snort escaping your lips at the purr he let’s out.

“You were supposed to leave an hour ago, now you’ve made me late too..”

Kaiser burrows his face deeper into your neck, humming softly once more before he’s tracing slow circles into the patch of fur peeking out of your nightwear. He’d started sleeping at your place about a month ago, flopping himself down on your bed after “date” nights until you’d eventually let him stay.

The arrangement was formed a week later; On certain days, Kaiser would go to work first and you would follow an hour later, and on others the inverse would happen. It worked most of the time, except for on mornings like these.

The two of you hadn’t actually started dating for a while, it took two months for both of you to finally confront what you felt. The moment wasn’t over the top, not that you expected it to, but the way it played out still makes you sigh sometimes.

…

It was another late night at the office for you, the business of each day never letting up. Kaiser had insisted on staying with you, claiming he had his own work to get sorted. It had taken him five minutes of uninterrupted silence before he decided to shatter it.

“We should go on a proper date one of these days..”

You’d turned your head towards him slowly, complete disbelief hovering over your face as your typing abruptly stopped.

“..Then what have we been doing this whole time??”

Since the time he’d asked you out to dinner to celebrate Apex’s collaboration, Kaiser became a lot more bold when it came to dragging you around with him, especially since he knew there was a 65% chance you would say yes now. The outings happened once every two weeks, mostly dinners where the two of you spoke about your own individual projects, how you were managing.

But that was another thing you couldn’t wrap your head around, how the two of you got so used to each other when all you talked about was work.

“Having dinner.” Kaiser shrugs, looking as bored as he would if you two were discussing the whether. “What? Were you deluding yourself into thinking we were already dating?”

He dodges the swift kick you aim at his leg, chuckling like he was playing around with you. The confusion has melted off your face now, replaced with a glare that isn’t as sharp as you were planning for it to be.

“No I wasn’t, I just thought you were too stupid to ask me out properly”

A bout of silence passes through the air between you, the look on Kaiser’s face turning something in your stomach that you don’t want to acknowledge. He brings his chair closer to yours, an arm shooting out to grab your own chair before you can shuffle backwards.

“Well I’m asking you out now..”

“I’m not going anywhere with you, I see enough of your face every two weeks.”

You’d followed him to this fancy restaurant that same weekend, sulking the whole time as he acted like nothing but a perfect gentleman. It still makes you mad till this day, how he’d used his stupid, cold charm to bully you into that date.

…

Life had become slightly more peaceful since then, though it was getting harder and harder trying to stop your out of work behaviour from slipping into work. You can’t help but recommend him for every project your boss speaks to you about, and from time to time, you’ve heard Kaiser defend you to the colleagues who always gave you dirty looks in the office. It makes a small part of your heart flutter every time, but it also makes you wonder when your colleagues will start to gossip.

The issue is still haunting you by the time both of you are sat down for dinner, your faces illuminated by the swaying ceiling light hanging above your dining table.

“I handed in my resignation today.”

Your head snaps up towards him, shock and doubt mixing weaving themselves into a tight knot on your face, the cutlery in your hands drops into your plate, the loud clinking a harsh sound against the tense silence.

“You what..?”

“You don’t need to look that surprised..” He barely glances up at you, chuckling at the shock still evident on your face. “I’ve been working in that hellhole for so long, plus I already have another job lined up. We’re good.”

Your leg shoots out under the table, missing his leg completely just like it does every other time you try to kick him. It’s so obvious why he’s doing this; Your boss had been asking more and more questions lately, looking at you and Kaiser like he was a father-in-law trying to get his children married, it was only a matter of time before he figured it out, if he hasn’t already. Your company was strict with office relationships, if the beastmen in question weren’t in drastically different departments, then they had to be separated over branch locations.

Both of you knew if push came to shove, you would be the one getting sent away, no matter how much fairer your boss was trying to be. Quitting was a lot better than being shipped off to the next city.

“Watch it, I still work in said hellhole” The frown on your face fading away in the wake of the smirk he gives you.

You reach across the table, revelling in the way he quickly takes your hand in his, pressing it to his lips in a soft motion.

“Thank you.. I love you.”

“I know.” He rubs a thumb over the back of your hand, turning it over before playing with the ends of your fingers. “I love you too, liebling”

Your supervisor had no qualms calling it that, but it still made you uncomfortable. It started a few months ago; Seemingly regular people began donning animalistic features, eating habits, behaviours, just out of nowhere. They were more human than animal, but that didn’t stop the wave of people wanting to study them.

Beastmen, was the name scientists finally came up with a month after their discovery.

Your observatory was one of the several that fought to keep the incoming beast men within their facilities, framing it as a way to give the hybrids a good home, when everyone else knew the higher ups only wanted the novelty of having them. Obviously, this gave entomologists like you a lot more to deal with. You were one of the lucky ones at first, your boss completely focused on spreading out the beast men to the more capable scientists, gathering the funding for their enclosures. He only remembered you existed about two months ago.

The soft ding of your phone’s notification knocks you out of your reverie, drawing a tired sigh from your lips. It’s logo on the notification status bar is enough to make your eye bags sag lower; The observatory’s security system keeping the bar there until you finally click on it. It was slightly irritating, but at least you only got security alerts for the enclosures you were in charge of. A brief walk around your wing of the observatory had put you at ease, all the animals were settled for the night, which left only one more. You already know who’s enclosure will pop up, but you still click on the alert anyway.

Movement detected in Enclosure #305

The grainy security feed soon lights up your phone screen, giving you a less than perfect view of the dark, grunge room you had gotten used to seeing in the past few months. A small TV lights up a fraction of the room, spreading it’s flashy glow across a face you know all too well; Dark black bangs hanging over a perpetual frown, small beak poking out against the darkness, dark green feathers hanging out from the hem of his nightwear. Your one and only beast man ward.

It takes you almost thirty minutes to navigate your way through the halls, each step plunking heavy across the solid white panelling as you cursed the whole way. Your wing was too far from the employee dorms, another reminder of your status in the office hierarchy. You never minded before, but with all the stress weighing down on your psyche, the brief stroll suddenly felt like a day long marathon.

Your staff badge flashes across the enclosure’s scanner briefly, the loud beep it lets out making your ears cringe. Much to your surprise, the TV is still on, the sounds of muffled dialogue and loud movie effects reaching you even from behind the one way glass. You learnt a long time ago that your ward had some of the best hearing in the facility, every time you came down to scold him for sleeping poorly, he would already be pretending to be fast asleep, the TV completely switched off. Your hand finds the microphone attached to the control panel in front of you, dragging your body forward until you’re right in front of it.

“Rin, go back to bed.”

You drag out his name in a way you know he hates, already grinning as his light green eyes find yours beyond the glass, shimmering in the stark darkness. There’s a slight softness in them, mixed in with a heavy annoyance that makes the smile on your face spread wider.

You remember the first time Rin walked into your facility; Cold, angry, shut off. No one could make conversation with him without trying to tear their hair out in frustration afterwards. The only reason you knew he existed was because of the stories people told you. Back then, so many colleagues warned you to stay away from him, according to them, he’d gotten into a fight with another beast man only a few days after his arrival, and things only got worse from there.

Even with all the warning and red flags, you hadn’t managed to stay away from him for long. Every animal in the main observatory you considered your fur babies, but the birds had a special place in your heart. You’d begged your supervisor to let you handle him for just a second; You’d even made a deal, if you couldn’t get him to behave in a month, then you would hand him off to another worker. So imagine your surprise when Rin started to calm down in only two weeks. It wasn’t as easy as your colleagues made it seem, it took a lot of compromise, yelling and ordering around to get to this point.

You’d like to think both of you are something close to friends, but you’re certain if you asked Rin, he would give you a completely different answer. Still, you can’t deny both of you have gotten a lot closer lately. It feels like he’s a lot touchier too; During check-ups, impromptu visits, short conversations in the hallways, his hands always reached out to touch your hair, your clothes, brushing away bits of dirt that you couldn’t even see. And as much as your co-workers made fun of you, you were glad he was a lot more comfortable with you.

Rin is still staring at you from his nest, fidgeting with the end of his sweatshirt, a small motion of guilt at you catching him awake like this. You’d drilled it into his head over and over again, just because he was a nocturnal species didn’t mean he couldn’t sleep at a reasonable time like everyone else, he was still partly human, and if he didn’t get a consistent amount of sleep you would be the first to get in trouble about it.

Your hand finds it way over the control panel, stopping short over the closest button to you, before your finger presses into it. The TV’s light quickly cuts off, plunging the room in a complete darkness that forces you to squint to notice the outline of Rin’s form. You glance down to your phone, the security feed still plastered on the screen, expecting the night vision camera to give you a view of him curled into his nest, hopefully already falling asleep. When the feed comes up empty, you can feel your eyebrows furrow in confusion, your head snapping back up to the glass automatically, finger hovering over knob that would give the room it’s light back.

Your shoulders snap up to your ears painfully, your whole body practically taking a screenshot as the sound of Rin slamming himself against the glass echoes through the enclosure. His dark coloured feathers had fully blended into the darkness, keeping him hidden until he was right in front of you, the end of his beak almost twitching into a smirk. He’d done it on purpose.

“I can’t sleep..”

You watch him shrug his shoulders like he hadn’t almost killed you, still staring deep into your eyes as you let out a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose while the headache radiating at the back of your head slowly shifts to your cranium. Both of you stand there for a solid minute, silent until you switch the TV back on, scanning your badge on the door to his room, your hands shooing Rin back into the pillows and sheets he’d arranged to make his own bed.

It takes ten minutes for both of you to get comfortable; Your coat, shoes and badge scattered in a corner on the floor, fingers curled deep in Rin’s hair as he rests his head in your lap, still fidgeting with his shirt, taloned hands almost poking holes into the fabric. You were trying hard not to look at whatever gory thriller was playing on the TV screen, your full attention on trying to get Rin’s short locs to twist into tiny braids. That didn’t mean you weren’t paying attention.

Both of you had found a routine now; When the worst parts of the movie came up, you would look anywhere else but the screen, and if the movie went back to normal, Rin would tap the inside of your thigh to let you know you can look now. It helped, even though sometimes you wished he would just stop watching these kind of movies entirely, or at least not when you were around.

You feel a small tap on your knee, looking up to see most of the action has died down, the characters focused on trying to find a way out of their situation. The movie finally draws you back in, your fingers coming to a halt in Rin’s hair, much to his despair. With your gaze still focused on the screen, you can feel him take your hand in his, the rough scales of his palm lightly brushing your skin as he drags your hand down to the soft feathers at his neck. You give in almost immediately, curling your fingers back and forth until you’re stroking the space under each feather, trying not to laugh at the almost imperceptible hum of satisfaction he lets out.

“That guy’s kinda cute”

Your hands stop carding through Rin’s hair momentarily to point at the screen, the grey box now filled with a close up of one of the character’s hardened, bloodied expression. You don’t recognise the actor, but you don’t need to to point out that he looks good; Dark hair, even darker eyes, piercings dangling so far you’re surprised they haven’t fallen off in the movie’s continuous chase scenes. Rin stiffens under the weight of your hands, turning slightly to stare at you before he’s flopping back down into your lap so hard it seems like he’s upset.

“You have a shit taste in men.”

“Rude!” He only lets out a huff when you smack his shoulder, laughing and scoffing at you at the same time. The judgement rolling of him makes you want to defend yourself, your chest puffing up a little as you push his shoulder one more time.

“I just think he looks good, he’s not my exact type! I like more mature, quiet guys… His character’s really annoying.

Rin seems hell bent on pretending not to acknowledge what you said, giving you a non-committal hum, even though you can hear the slight smugness in it. You’re almost tempted to ask why he cares, but an ear splitting scream erupts from the TV once more, unfortunately dragging your attention back to it.

The movie goes on for another agonising thirty minutes, ending just the way you expected it to, with the pure, nerdy final girl running away with her life barely intact, leaving her friend’s dead bodies behind. Sometimes you wondered how Rin entertained himself watching movies that were all essentially the same, but it kept him busy, and that meant you didn’t have to spend as much time keeping him in check. Your legs groan under the weight of the man in question, almost going completely numb as you shake his shoulders, suddenly aware of how steady the flow of his breathing is.

He’d gone still a few minutes before the movie ended, and you assumed he was just really into it, his habit of going almost still like a corpse whenever he was watching something he liked didn’t go unnoticed by you. Your chance to sneak back into your own bed had just slipped out under your numb legs; He’d essentially trapped you here. Your back finds a pillow in the make shift nest immediately, a tired sigh echoing around the now silent room. You let your eyes close for a second, the tiredness taking over your body faster than you’d thought. Maybe if you woke up early enough, you could slip back before you risked one of your co-workers catching you in here.

You had not woken up early enough.

Your eyelids felt like sandpaper, taking you a massive effort just to try and open your eyes. A small part of you didn’t even want to, the pillows you were settled on seemed way more comfortable than the ones in the staff dorms, and the warm presence near you only pushed your psyche further and further into sleep.

And you almost allow yourself to fall back into that warm darkness, until a sharp ringing finds it’s way into your ears. Your body reacts to it before your mind can actually process the sound, jolting out of the soft pillows so fast it almost gives you vertigo, mind clogged with confusion as you try to gain your bearings.

It takes you a few minutes to realise you’re still in Rin’s enclosure, your legs and neck cramping painfully from the position you somehow still managed to sleep in. Your back collapses in on itself in complete exhaustion, keeping you in that half fetal position for a second before you fall back into the pillows, your alarm still ringing into the dark expanse of the room. The man in question is also laying in the pillows beside you, dark bangs falling into his eyes as he stares at you, blinking innocently as you turn to face him. It looks like he’s been awake for a while, his usual nightwear switched out for a plain black turtleneck and equally black jeans.

“Have you been watching me sleep this whole time..?”

You watch him avert his gaze, seemingly thinking about your question before those narrow eyes are directed back at you again.

“Don’t flatter yourself. I just woke up a few minutes ago”

He does a good job of pretending he can’t see the quick look you give him, rolling over to fish for something on the other side of the nest while you try to plan out your day from here. You could still slink back to your room, not without missing the smug looks your friends and so-workers would give you, but you could make it to and fro in time to go about your tasks for the day. Rin finally comes up from where he’s been crouched for the past few seconds, flashing your phone at you with a raised brow, the time reading 12:37pm. You drag a tired hand down your face, letting out one more sigh as you stare up at him.

“We’ll just do your check-up now”

…

About an hour passes with you asking Rin all the regular questions; If he’s been feeling off, if he’s been eating well, sleeping well.. Things you already know the answer to, but still have to ask because of protocol.

Plus, you can’t exactly do anything else. You don’t have any of your tools, not even your usual clipboard. Your memory is serving you well so far though, the questions coming to you easily enough, and Rin answers every one perfectly, or at least in ways where you can’t ask any follow up questions. You wallow in the silence of his room soon after, still wracking your brain for anything else you might’ve forgotten.

Against your own wishes, the image of Rin sitting by himself, watching TV yesterday pops into your mind, the words “Do you feel lonely?” so far on the tip of your tongue it takes all the energy in the world to swallow them back down. Your co-workers found out it was a lot easier for their wards to make friends amongst their own species, but that was easier for them because they all had so many. You were technically all Rin had.

“Are we done now?”

He almost looks relieved when you nod your head, already looking for the TV remote while you scramble to pack up your things. Bringing up your concerns now wouldn’t actually do anything; You could already imagine ten different responses he would spew out, just to get you out of his room faster. Unfortunately for you, you have to take the first step for him. You turn back to him one last time before your ID touches the scanner, a part of your heart dropping to see him already curled back up in front of the TV, making a mental note to come back with at least one beast man.

“I’ll come back with my stuff and then we can talk some more, okay?”

A soft hum is all he gives you before you’re trudging back to your own room, keeping your gaze locked on the floor while your legs carry you past your colleagues and other beast men with unprecedented speed. You manage not to bump into your supervisor the whole way, but the smug, knowing looks your co-workers give you is enough to make your face burn hot.

…

Finally getting the time to freshen up and pick up all of your tools isn’t the thing that wastes your time, it’s the wild goose chase you go on afterwards that hinders your progress. The only reason you were in your room for longer than your usual fifteen minutes was the allure of warm water and your soft, scented sheets that kept calling you back, turning that fifteen minutes into forty. Now, your main concern was finding anyone that could lend you an owl beast man for just a few hours, and find them before Rin lost all interest in being social.

It felt weird having to lie, but that was the only way you could get any of the other scientists to help you out. Every time you walked up to a new person, you tried to frame it like some behavioural experiment; You wanted to see how two beast men of the same species would act in an enclosed territory, and that part was kind of true, but apparently the sincerity in your eyes wasn’t enough to convince anyone.

Rejection after rejection, reasonable ones, but it still hurt. It was obvious the co-workers you never spoke to didn’t trust you enough with their wards for a task that wasn’t mandated by your boss, and the people you were close to coincidentally didn’t have the time to take part in your shoddy experiment. Even with the back to back disappointments, you still find yourself wandering the facility, accosting almost every member of staff you see, nearly tearing your hair out as you make your way to the very last wing of the observatory.

Every “no, sorry” you hear echoes in your head, making the smile on your face grow tighter and tighter until you’re certain it looks more like a grimace now. Your feet carry you over to the last person in the tiny office, a kind looking guy that smiles the second he notices you. The words almost catch in your throat, your last hope in this man you’d never seen before, in a wing so far away from yours it might as well have been in another country.

“Sure!”

“…Wait, really?”

The man is already grabbing his badge while you’re still standing there in shock, not believing that someone would actually give into your whims. He looks at you like you’re stupid, the eyebrow raised contrasting the smile still on his face.

“I mean, why not? My Reiko needs some friends too, it would be a good experiment.”

The beast man he’s talking about is stunning in a cold kind of way that makes you want to shiver every time you make eye contact with her; Obsidian black hair styled into a sharp bob, bright yellow eyes that could probably shine in the darkness, the streak of light beige fur that form a crest contrasting against her dark brown feathers.

She gives you a curt bow to your outstretched hand, her expression still in it’s calmest form as the scientist lightly scolds her for being too cold. She reminds you so much of Rin it’s almost scary, but that gives you hope, maybe they would get along. Reiko mostly stays silent on the walk over, letting out small hums of acknowledgement while you try to give her a good grasp of what Rin is going to be like.

“He’s actually pretty nice once you get to know him”

“Hm.”

The awkward laugh you give her isn’t reciprocated in the slightest, a tense silence coming back full swing to slap your one-sided conversation in the face as you finally get to your wing, almost tearfully scanning your badge at the door. Rin is still sitting in his nest when you walk in, the book sitting in his lap mostly rendered useless by the movie playing at volume 100 on the TV in front of him. You give Reiko one last nervous smile before leading her into the room, trying to ignore the piles of clothes and wrappers that crinkle and drag along your feet.

Rin takes his sweet time acknowledging both of you, lazily turning his head in your direction as he gives you a once over. You watch the corners of his eyes crinkle in suspicion when he finally notices Reiko, a storm cloud essentially passing over his face the longer both of you stand there staring. It takes you about two seconds to introduce them, a slight cringe settling on your shoulders as none of them make any move to speak.

“I’ll be right outside..”

You can see a lot clearer from behind the glass than you could last night, not that there’s much to see anyway. Rin and Reiko are still standing a few feet away from each other, keeping a steady eye contact for what feels like hours. Reiko gives in first, slowly stretching a taloned hand out, clearly extending the olive branch. You make a mental note to thank her guardian profusely, and maybe ask for a few tips on how he trained her. Unfortunately for you, Reiko’s grand gesture does the exact opposite of what it’s supposed to; The feathers spread across Rin’s neck immediately start to rise, dropping his neck into his now hunched shoulders. The look on his face has gotten even darker, a nasty glare that raises the hairs on the back of your neck.

You can’t see much of Reiko’s face, but even from behind the glass you can almost make out her beak forming the words “calm down”, which seem to do anything but that by the annoyance still hanging over Rin’s features. Dread locks itself in your stomach before you’re already fishing your badge out of your pocket, getting a glimpse of Rin’s hand gripping his book like he wanted to throw it as your rush to the door.

It seemed delusional, but a small part of your actually thought Rin would behave. You knew he wasn’t perfect yet, but he was doing a lot better.

Reiko still has that blank look on her face when you get to her, twinged with a bit of annoyance like she was watching a child throw a tantrum. You mutter a quiet apology as you take hold of her shoulders, doing your best to smooth down her own rising feathers as you guide her out of the room. She takes about ten more apologies from you before she’s gone, giving Rin one last once over as both doors slam shut behind her. Your head snaps to Rin the second she’s gone, he looks a lot calmer now, though he’s still sulking, book still firmly placed in his palm as he looks off into the distance.

“What the hell was that?!” Your voice comes out a lot louder than you wanted it to, but it’s too late, the burning offence on his face tells you that much.

“I don’t like random people in my room. You know that.”

“I was trying to help you socialise, you didn’t have to be so hostile. She was being nice!”

It felt like you were going red in the face. You didn’t want to say it out loud, you weren’t that upset yet, but this was your problem with Rin. You truly wondered where he got this flippant but headstrong attitude from. He’s out of the nest now, almost an inch away from your face, staring down at you with an expression you can’t place yet.

“You don’t need to help me make friends, I’m not a child. I don’t need anyone else.”

“Well, with how much I have to babysit you everyday, you practically are!” You regret the words the second they fly out of your mouth, shame swiftly taking over your previous disappointment. But now, you can actually figure out the look on his face. It’s hurt; A flicker of disbelief that lingers in the lighter part of his irises before it’s gone.

“Is that what I am to you? Someone you have to babysit?”

He turns back to his nest, each excuse you try to utter bouncing off the coldness of his back. Whatever movie playing on the TV soon drowns you out, every time your mouth opens, the screams on it get louder and louder.

“Fine. Then get out.”

For some reason, your legs can’t find the energy to move. It feels like you’ve gone back in time, back to the first time you ever brought Rin in with you, back when you basically had to beg him just so you could do basic tests; Back when your supervisor was on your case everyday, trying to convince you you were too new to take on more responsibilities, you can almost hear him shouting at you already. It feels like it’s been hours by the time you manage to make it out of the room, your legs going numb as you trudge down the hallways, flopping into your room while small pinpricks of tears threatened to spill down your cheeks.

It’s very obvious Rin is trying to ignore you. You use the word trying because he still makes enough of an effort to appear in front of you anytime he could see you in public; During the facility’s busiest hours, passing by your table during lunch. And each time without fail, his bright green stare would burn into the back of your head until you turned to look at him, then you were forced to watch him snap his head back down before you can actually catch him staring.

The first few days of your silent war, you’d decided both of you still needed time to cool down. You spent that time practising how you would apologise whenever he stopped being upset enough to talk to you; You’d even gone the extra mile, begging the facility’s main chef to kill a few small animals to add in and make a specialised green tea rice dish so he’d have no choice but to accept your apology. It was a miracle you didn’t scream that day. After three solid days of gracious distancing, you carried the savoury dish to his enclosure, apology letter tucked neatly into your coat’s pocket.

Rin hadn’t even looked at you once, focusing his attention on the screen ahead of him, his head flopped into his folded arms, cheeks almost puffing up like you’d expect from a toddler. Trying to read out your letter did even less, and by the time he pushed your peace offering back to you, nearly pouring the hot broth all over your clothes, you took that as your cue to leave for the day, placing the neatly written letter right next to the steaming bowl.

That routine somehow goes on for another three days; To your co-workers, you must look like some diligent guardian, going off to see your anti-social little ward every day, staying as long as the work day lasts, almost loosing hair from how badly he’s stressing you out. But a lot of it was just you sitting cross-legged in his enclosure like some awkward acquaintance, waiting for him to turn down the TV so you can finally talk. Having so much time to think finally makes you turn some of the blame to yourself; Owls are territorial creatures, you learnt that much back in your intern days in the main facility, but you had hoped the human part of Rin would relax a little. Plus, this level of pettiness really didn’t seem worth the crime you had apparently committed.

It’s shocking how long it takes, but only after a week and a half do you realise Rin is actually following you around like you owe him money. According to a little test you’d done the first time you noticed, every time you walk for a while, there’s a 70% chance you’ll see him duck into a corner if you quickly turn around.

You’d gotten used to this habit of his a long time ago. It happened whenever he was bored, any books or movies he had mostly came out of your paycheck, so when he’d run through them like water, it then became his personal mission to shadow you until you got him more. That’s where he got most of the opportunity to brush dirt off your hair and clothes, and even while upset, he clearly fell into old habits.

It irritates you a little.

Rin has made it obvious he’s not going to talk to you at all, not even to let you apologise, but he was allowed to follow you around like a kicked puppy? Along with following you at every turn, he also did a good job of ignoring the tired glares you gave him every time the two of you made eye contact.

For the first time in a while, your feet don’t carry you down your usual path. The hallway of your wing watching you walk by every other hour, suddenly gaining a generous streak as you run errands for some of your busier co-workers, a much better fate than watching Rin sulk in his room. Most of your friends worked in the labs, doing most of the biological studies that went into figuring out how beast men worked. Unfortunately for all of you, that meant you couldn’t see each other as often. Your mind floats back to your ventures when you were all interns as you make the long walk towards the labs, a few snacks tucked under your elbows as a back up just in case anyone wanted to chase you out.

The labs are as busy as you expected them to be, a flurry of scientists and interns rushing in and out of every office with a quiet kind of efficiency. It doesn’t take long to find your group of friends, some hunched over microscopes, while the others draw and pin up close up images you can’t even begin to decipher. They all greet you the second you walk up to them, grinning at the snacks you drop off on a nearby table as one of them guides an empty stool towards you.

Everyone quickly gets back into the flow of work, your work tablet radiating it’s pale light onto your features as your fingers float over the screen. It’s been close to an hour before you feel someone sit beside you; Long black hair packed neatly to the back, kind brown eyes and a small smile. A face you’ve known since high school.

“So..” she starts, shifting her stool until she’s fully rolled up to yours. “What’s going on with you and the little owl?”

You cringe at the word “little”, subconsciously reminding you of your own harsh words that day. Then confusion very visibly crosses your features, puckering your eyebrows as you drop your tablet on a nearby desk.

“Nothing.” The lie tastes like ash on your tongue, but you continue anyway, smoothing out your expression. “Nothing’s going on, why?”

Your friend tilts her head to the side, the knowing smile on her face now replaced with genuine concern.

“Really? But when I went to visit your office last week, some other owl beast man told me you guys were fighting”

Shame quickly spread across your body, heating up your face and the back of your neck as she keeps staring at you, a careful hand now on your knee. Clearly it was your fault for thinking Reiko would keep quiet about what she saw, beast men like her reported to anyone in a higher position if they just asked the right questions.

You gaze back at your friend, the gentle worry on her face immediately making you open your mouth until you’re telling her everything, from your concerns to your current stalemate with Rin. Your friend nods carefully, hand scratching her chin as she hums softly with each revelation you spew out. You let out a heavy sigh, dragging your hand down your face.

“It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have brought another owl into his territory. Clearly my time at uni taught me nothing..”

Surprisingly, your friend softly shakes her head, placing one hand on your knee again as the other rubs your back.

“I don’t think that’s the only issue though..”

It’s almost shocking how much it makes sense when your friend finally starts explaining, her hands drawing boxes in the air that connect the longer she went on for. A lot was still to be discovered about beast men, but from their nature alone, it was so easy to tell they could still feel complex emotions unlike their animal parts. It was those complex emotions that fuelled the more animalistic behaviours beast men exhibited. Another friend walks up to both of you during your talk, only giving his opinion after both of you explained what was going on.

“Yeah, she’s right. Maybe your owl thought you were pushing him away and took it out on the other beastman”

The theory only made you even more upset at how inconsiderate you had been, all the silly words and bribes pumping even more embarrassment through your body.

“Still.. he knows I would never..”

Your other friend shrugs, perching himself on the edge of the table right beside you, one of your snacks already in his hands as he pops them into his mouth.

“He probably wasn’t thinking about that. It happens. Plus, when you have a crush you start over analysing every little thing.”

Both of your friends nod in unison like that was the smartest thing they’d ever heard, the two of them talking about their own things while a deep sense of confusion wracks every inch of your mind.

“What??”

The two of them turn to you, uncertainty making it’s way across their faces as they stare at you.

“What..?”

“Wait.. who has a crush on who?” Your head flicks between the two of them, watching your mutual misunderstanding morph into an understanding that widens your female friend’s mouth, an expression that would’ve made you laugh at her if you actually knew what was going on.

“Oh my god you’re kidding..”

All the questions you had for her are quickly drowned out by the loud cackles both of your friends let out, staring at each other for a second before they’re laughing even harder. Everyone’s eyes are on you now, the ones farthest from your little group looking on with concerned looks, while those closest to the little talk you were having seem to be cracking smiles as well. You snap back to attention when you feel a hand slap down on your thigh, tears hanging from your friend’s eyes as their smug smiles start getting to you.

“We’re talking about your owl, you idiot!”

“Oh poor thing..” The friend to your right is fully wiping away tears now, holding onto his stomach as he’s clearly trying to hold in more laughter. “No wonder he looks so mad all the time. If I had a crush on someone as oblivious as you, I’d also be stressed out”

In the midst of their frenzied laughter, your mind is still reeling. The concept of Rin having a crush on you when he essentially treated you like an on and off jester was insane, the shock on your face only making your friends laugh even harder.

It was also slightly embarrassing; How obvious was Rin’s apparent “crush” that almost everyone in your office could tell, but you, the closest one to him, somehow couldn’t.

“You don’t believe us, do you?”

You’re shaking your head before you can even compute the question, denial still surging through your veins at rapid speeds. You watch your friend shake her head in disbelief, genuinely scanning your face for any sign you could’ve known before bringing her hand up into the air, counting off each finger.

“You’re the only one he’s nice to, in fact, you’re the only one he speaks to. Every time I see the two of you, he always has his hands all over you like he’s grooming a baby bird. Isn’t that how owls show affection?”

She turns to your other friend for backup, giving you a gloating smile as the other traitor nods his head in agreement.

“See? How are you the bird nerd but I figured that out first?”

Your friend quickly shifts out of the way of the slap you were about to land on her leg, an unbelieving offence fully settled on your features. You had to admit she had a point; You were so happy Rin had finally gotten more comfortable with you that you didn’t think about what his actions actually meant. The energy that day had been so explosive, you weren’t actually listening to what he was saying. He didn’t need you to play matchmaker for him because all the moments you had with him were all he needed. The realisation only makes you even more upset, your eyes stinging with a familiar sadness as the chatter of your friend’s taunts gradually die down.

“Look, if you still don’t believe us then why don’t you try and test him? That might even solve your little lovers’ quarrel”

“Yeah, actually!” Your friend snaps out of her own reverie, making an exaggerated thinking face that finally draws a small huff out of you. “If he sees you with another beast man, won’t he get jealous and finally talk to you?”

The idea alone is enough to make you snicker again, the thought of Rin dragging you away from someone in a jealous huff so ridiculous you want to smack your friend again. It could technically work with how much Rin was still following you around, but you couldn’t even imagine yourself doing that. If you even tried, you imagine shame would immediately lock up your limbs and you would probably make a fool of yourself.

You’re about to tease your friends for reading too many romance novels when several shouts cut you off, the sound of your friends’ boss walking into the room enough to shut you up completely. By how panicked the guy looks, it seems like they’re having some kind of emergency. You feel your friend’s hands fly to your back as they swiftly escort you out of the labs, adjusting their own clothing in a frenzy. Both of them throw out hurried goodbye’s before their gone, the sounds of the lab work rush still resounding in your ears as you trudge out of the wing, more conflicted than when you came in.

You’re still thinking about what your friends said even as you wake up earlier than usual, your racing thoughts forcing your body to rise before the sun has even crossed the horizon. The weather does nothing to improve your mood, cold blue light washing over your conflicted face, highlighting the bags under your eyes. You stay seated in bed for longer than you usually would, staring into the depths of the wall in front of you, your legs slowly going numb under the sheets. The light under your blinds makes a smooth transition into a warm gold before you finally swing your legs over the bed frame, pushing yourself into the bathroom with a tired slump.

You still can’t speak to him. That much is obvious by the time you find yourself back in Rin’s enclosure, watching him flip through a book you know he’s read a million times, barely looking up as you approach him with your usual tools. Everything happens quietly; You take his temperature, test his reflexes, check his feathers for any abnormalities, things you usually did while both of you would talk about anything you could think of.

“You’re really not going to talk to me?”

He shrugs, the blood pressure strap attached to his arm not letting him move much but he still refuses to answer.

“I’m sorry..”

“You don’t even know why I’m really upset.” You watch him scoff the second your head snaps up, the hurt still swirling around in his gaze forcing you to look away.

“It would help if you told me..”

“Then it wouldn’t be a proper apology.”

A forlorn sigh crawls it’s way out of your throat, contrasting against the silence that has now come back into the room full force. You finish the check up in record time, packing up your tools while the tears hanging on your lashes threaten to fall. The air in the room seems to drop in temperature, almost making you shiver as you linger in front of the door, looking back one more time.

“If I stress you out so much, maybe you should find someone else.”

…

“I think I’m ready for a new ward.”

Your boss’ office is even colder than you thought Rin’s room was, all the bad memories you have of this room settling on your shoulders as you try hard not to fidget. He’s sitting neatly behind his mahogany desk, posture perfect even with the abundance of documents stacked around him. He stops writing the moment you speak, the silver glasses hanging off his nose barely doing anything to conceal the suspicion in his gaze.

A tense silence wraps it’s coiled tail around both of you, pressing down on your limbs until it feels like you can’t move. You struggle to keep your expression neutral as he studies your face carefully, looking for any cracks he could dig into and yell at you for like every other time you came in here.

Even with your “poker” face it was most likely obvious why you were here; If you and Rin were such frequent office gossip, then there was no way the gossip of your argument hadn’t reached your boss’ ears. But if you boss has any idea of this, then he doesn’t make it known, his eyebrows still over his aging gaze as his mouth remains drawn into a thin line.

“Where is this coming from?”

The clatter of his pen against the wooden desk cracks sharp into the room’s air, nearly making you jump out of your own skin, but you manage to pull yourself together.

“No where. I just feel like I’m ready to take on more responsibilities.” You really should’ve stopped there; Every time you became emotional in front of your boss always meant you had already lost the argument, but it’s too late, all your grievances spilling out of your mouth faster than you can catch.

“Everyone else got multiple beast men in less than a few months after their first one. I had to beg for my first ward and I haven’t been assigned one since, even though I’ve shown more than substantial results every quarter.”

The room fades back into it’s previous silence, the only sound being your lungs trying to catch it’s breath after your sudden monologue. It’s hard not to notice the subtle widening of your boss’ eyes from behind his glasses, the shuffling of his clothes as he leans forward in his office chair. This was the first time in a long while you’d come to complain like this; Having Rin assigned to you had kept you busy momentarily.

“If this is you trying to prove somethi-”

“It’s not.” Your shoulders cringe at the narrowed glare he gives you, your gaze flicking downwards in spite of it. “Sir.. I want to be taken seriously.”

Your gaze flicks back up as the sound of your supervisor’s tired sigh reaches your ears. The hope that had previously curled into a still rock at the bottom of your stomach rises high into your chest as you watch his hand snake under his desk, dropping a heavy file down on the space of desk directly in front of you.

“You’re feeling generous? Fine.”

The file sits like a stone between you two, turning your previous hope into wariness as you actually look at how thick the file is. It was obvious what your boss was doing; Only the real troublemaking beast men had files that thick. Aside from their biological information, it also contained every misdemeanour they committed, and a list of every guardian they passed through, with each guardian giving a full report on why they could no longer take over the ward. Rin’s file was pretty hefty when you’d gotten it, but even his didn’t compare to the one stacked in front of you.

You can feel your boss’ gaze burrowing into the back of your hand as you shift closer to the table, stretching out a shaky hand to lift the cover of the file, already regretting your decision to come here. The name hastily scrawled across the top of the document instinctively makes you gasp, the picture right beside it increasing your heartbeat with every second that passes. A cackling hyena, snout spread into the widest smile possible, blonde to pink strands contrasting against dark brown fur.

Shidou Ryusei.

You knew who Shidou was because he was one of the only beast men Rin mentioned by name, and it was never positive, the two of them having gotten into numerous fights before Rin was placed under your management. And even with that, it was hard not to know Shidou when the last time anyone had heard of him, it was because he attacked his latest guardian so badly the facility had to shackle him up somewhere far away for as long as he could be held before they brought him back. Your boss had essentially handed you a live bomb.

“And since you’re so confident, I expect to see the same results with this one as with your last ward. You’re dismissed.”

Even with the dismissal, your boss doesn’t go back to his work immediately, keeping sharp eye contact with your now wavering gaze until you stumble out of his office, almost breathless. Your hand finds your own forehead several times, slapping it over and over while you curse yourself for even going through with such a stupid idea. You were so upset this morning, and Rin had practically given you permission, it made sense to go along with it. And you’d let your boss shoot you in the foot, you couldn’t even muster the confidence to beg for a trial period like you had with Rin.

You can’t seem to focus on anything; Your legs move faster than your mind can comprehend, not paying attention to the hallway you’re now tumbling down. You can’t be bothered to focus on the gaze that had been burning into the back of your head since you walked out of that office, or the fact that there’s someone standing in the spot you’re currently barrelling towards.

The fall doesn’t come as fast as you expected it to, it actually doesn’t come at all, a sturdy pair of arms wrapping themselves around your waist as your palms smack firm against what feels like a solid brick wall, but you finally figure out is someone’s chest with how long your fingers are splayed against them. The file in your hand crashes to the floor, the sound of stray pages spilling out melting in with a deep chuckle that caresses your ears.

“Didn’t know the doctors in here were so clumsy~”

That cheeky tone completely matches the face smirking down at you, Shidou’s arms staying at your waist a second longer before they smoothing down your clothes, brushing away imaginary dust. He bends down to pick up your scattered file before you can stop him, the now open document reflecting his own face and information back at him. By the time he places it back in your hand, he’s staring at you with a new found interest, quirked eyebrow contrasting the grin still on his face.

“..And creepy, you stalkin’ me or something?”

You watch the smile on his face widen as you stutter to explain yourself, still flustered as the heat from his hands linger on your back.

“What?! No! No, I’m your new guardian.” You quickly compose yourself, letting out an awkward cough as you continue to smooth down your hair and clothes. “I was assigned to you a few minutes ago.. it’s nice to meet you.”

Shidou stares down at your outstretched hand with barely concealed amusement, leaving you hanging for what feels like hours before taking your hand in his, lightly shaking it like you’re made of glass. You’re about to take your hand back when a sudden pull brings you crashing into Shidou’s chest once more, the hand now tightly clasped in his sitting flush between both of your bodies. Your breath hitches painfully, a scorching heat crawling up your neck while the culprit in question simply studies you, tilting his head to the side like he was looking at a complex problem, before another grin breaks out on his face.

“You? You’re my new doctor?” He leans down even closer to you, the space between your faces now a hair’s breath. “You sure you can handle me?”

You want to answer, to at least say something that wouldn’t leave you looking like a lost fish, your current expression probably enough to make anyone cringe. The words are just bubbling in your throat when you catch the way Shidou’s gaze flickers briefly, not to anything on your face, but to something behind you, only for a second before its gone.

You can’t even ask him what that was before you feel something else pull you backwards, the side of your vision blocked by a taloned hand that goes straight for Shidou’s face, narrowly missing his jaw by less than a few inches. The back of Rin’s head radiates a fury that you can feel even under his skin, even without looking at him at all. Shidou doesn’t seem deterred in the slightest, lifting both arms in the air as he cackles at the look on Rin’s face.

“Aww Rinnie, relax! I didn’t even do anything to your little love bird yet”

You don’t even get to hear the rest of what Shidou wanted to say by the speed at which you’re being dragged away, your legs moving on instinct as the solid white walls of each wing passes you by. By the time you finally wrapped your mind around what happened, you’re already in Rin’s room, the cold, dark wallpaper pressing against your back as his arms cage you in, the look on his face cold enough to freeze lava.

“What the hell were you doing with that cockroach? I leave you for five seconds and you’re falling into anyone now?”

A stunned hurt quickly takes over the confusion you were previously feeling, but you shut your mouth for a second, taking in a deep breath before you actually speak. You couldn’t let this turn out like last time.

“My boss assigned him to me, I couldn’t do anything about it..”

“I don’t care, why was he that close to you?”

The look on Rin’s face has only gotten worse, his feathers now slowly lifting off his neck while his arms tighten with how hard he’s folding them in front on his chest. You shrug your shoulders up to your ears, forcing your heartbeat to calm down as you don what you hope is a detached expression.

“And why do you care? You’re the one who told me to find another ward.”

You watch Rin breathe out a deep sigh, before he’s reaching over, dragging your hands up to his face and letting his head fall into them, kneading your fingers through his feathers in the way you used to during all your quiet moments.

“..I didn’t mean it like that. You shouldn’t let just anyone touch you like that”

It takes you about five seconds to give in, the sudden vulnerability digging itself into your heart as you curl your fingers into spots that make him hum just like you’d expected.

“But you’re touching me like that right now.. why is it different for you?” You watch the way he looks down at you, the green of his irises softening into a lighter shade that almost draws you in, his hands essentially ghosting over yours despite the conflict still floating around on his face. The words hang in your throat, drying it up so quickly you feel like you’re about to cough, but somehow someway, they still manage to find their way out.

“Is it because you like me..?”

He let’s shock flow into his gaze for a second before it melts into something like misery, almost like he’s trying to fight his own feelings. Rin let’s go of your hands then, watching as they fall back to your sides, the emotions hanging in his eyes now solidifying into that blocked off look that you’d seen time and time again whenever you got to close to getting him to open up.

“Leave.”

His hands snake towards your back, pushing you to the door, so gentle and yet so forceful at the same time. Both of you stand on opposite sides of the metal frame, watching as the automatic mechanics shut the solid steel in your face, the last look Rin gave you burned into your retinas.

…

A full moon hangs in the inky black sky outside the facility by the time you’re wandering down the halls again, the soft pitter patter of your feet hitting the cold, metal floor guided by the silver-white moonlight that snaked in from each window. You can’t seem to fall asleep; You learned that about an hour ago when your eyes started smarting under the pressure of the rest you were trying to force onto them. The look on Rin’s face as he asked you to leave hiding under your eyelids, haunting you until you finally decided to get out of bed.

You drag a hand down the walls as you keep walking, the other clutching one of your pillows tightly, drawing your path down to your wing until the doors finally come into view. Rin is fully slouched in his nest, barely watching the screen that projects vibrant colours onto his face. The notification you’d gotten a minute after slumping out of bed already told you he was awake, that was part of the reason why you’d wandered over here anyway. You find yourself standing behind the glass for longer than you should, watching every muscle on his face twitch, a clear struggle to keep his facial expressions in check.

The sight makes your resolve stronger; You had to talk to him now.

The scanner blinks it’s green flash at you, scanning your badge just fine, but the door doesn’t budge. You scan it one more time, watching as the metal door shifts less than an inch before it shuts immediately. It doesn’t take long to figure out what’s wrong; The book you remember buying for Rin a month ago wedged under the door, it’s title peeking up at you as if to make fun of you.

“..Rin, open the door please”

Your attempt at the microphone seems to have no effect on him, his head barely moving no matter what you say. The book is fully stuck under there to your knowledge, the pages thick enough to mess with the doors mechanics but not so big that Rin couldn’t easily take it out if he wanted to.

“I’m being serious, we need to talk..”

Another bout of silence takes over your one sided conversation, pressing down on the already rising sadness in your heart. Your legs take you back to the door, the edge of the book pushing against your behind as you lean against the door, folding your arms underneath each other. A small part of you figured this would happen, the pillow you’d brought now serving it’s purpose as you position it behind your head, shuffling side to side until you’re comfortable enough. A deep exhaustion creeps under your eyelids, slowly shutting them while your head starts to fall forwards, barely holding the pillow you struggled to adjust.

…

You don’t know how long it’s been before a sudden weightlessness takes over your body, the thought that it could be a realistic dream flying from your mind the second your head hits the floor, eyes shooting open to see a familiar dark ceiling.

“Wha- Who?” That’s when you finally notice Rin staring down at you, book in one hand as he gives you a once over to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself. “What time is it??”

“..1 am. You should probably go to back to sleep”

You scramble up to watch him turn to one of his bookshelves, placing the book back gently like he didn’t just rip it from under you. He gives you a sideways glance as you plop down beside him in his nest, clutching your pillow to your chest like it’ll give you the courage you need.

“I couldn’t sleep in the first place, because of a certain someone”

“Really? You had no problems sleeping outside my door”

The screams coming from his TV soon drown out your conversation, drawing both of you in to the gory flick, a lot less disgusting than the last one you watched, but still disturbing. Your gaze flicks to Rin every five seconds, studying the bored look on his face, trying to peer into any cracks you can take advantage of. Every time your gaze lands on him for too long, he stares back even longer, as if taunting you to speak up, before his gaze is back on the screen.

“I didn’t ask my boss to assign Shidou to me..”

You keep your attention on the TV, even as Rin turns to you, one eyebrow quirking upwards in confusion from what you can see in your peripheral vision.

“Well- I mean, I did ask him for a new ward, but I didn’t know it was going to be Shidou..” You’re looking at him now, face rapidly burning with an embarrassment that makes your hands shake. You can see the slight shock floating around in his gaze, combined with something softer, a silent hope that fuels the heat on your face even more.

“I did it to make you jealous. I just wanted you to talk to me again. I’m sorry for bringing Reiko in here, and I didn’t mean it when I said I was babysitting you, you know that..”

Every silent second that passes weighs down on your back even further, the loud sound effects resonating around the room now fading into a dull whine that slows your heartbeat even more. Rin stares at you for so long you’re scared to look up, keeping your attention trained on the curve of his thighs as he shifts beside you, leaning back into the pillows from what little you can see.

“You’re so stupid..”

It sounds like a disgruntled huff, but only you can notice the fondness behind it. It makes a gentle smile spread across your face, much to his chagrin. He doesn’t say anything as you sidle up to him, sneaking your hand down the nest until it’s intertwined with his, the firm squeeze he gives your hand eliciting a small giggle from you while your head falls into the crook of his neck.

The moment makes you feel bold, your head inching closer and closer until your lips ghost the space beside his beak, rushing back into your previous position faster than Rin can even turn his head, not that he bothers to.

“If that was a pity kiss, I’m going to kill you.”

“It wasn’t.” You plant another one in the same spot, revelling in the grumble he lets out as his feathers start to puff up. “You know it wasn’t.”

Your eyelids start to flutter close, blurring the TV screen into a canvas of deep blue lighting, and hues of bright red. Everything feels a lot warmer, from the tips of your ears down to where both of your hands are connected, making you even sleepier. Before your vision finally fades, you feel a soft sensation against your head; The feeling of Rin lightly brushing his beak over your forehead the last thing to lull you to sleep.

You tried to defend him, screamed for so long you could barely speak for the next few days after that. Maru never spoke up once that night, the sweat rolling across his back enough to drench the carpet below him. He ended things a few days later, said your mother was right, that you deserved someone who already had their life together. He didn’t listen to a word you said, walking away from your fervent cries and complaints.

Against his wishes, you still tried to keep in contact with him, sending him stupid messages and pictures every day just like you had when you were dating. Maru resisted at first, replying to your texts with playfully angry messages, promising to block you even though he never did. The two of you kept talking like that, the excuse of you just being friends straining with every text you sent. Recently, it was hard not to notice the decline in his texts, each one you sent only getting a reply by the next day.

Your friends wouldn’t stop teasing you; Gossiping loud enough for you to hear every time you opened up your empty phone, already cackling the minute you brought him up. One of them eventually got tired of your sad girl shit, pulling you aside one night in your room. She whispered conspiratorially in your ear, giving you ideas you were previously pretending to be too mature to consider.

Technically, you hadn’t gotten all of your things from Maru’s place; A few hair ties, old hoodies, and a bunch of socks were probably still lying all over his floor. You never raised a fuss about those things because you barely needed them, and a small part of you thought of it as leaving a little something for him if he ever missed you. Now, if you really wanted to see him so bad, you could go there under the guise of wanting your things back.

That’s what you keep saying to yourself as you stand in front of his apartment, glaring up at the tall, pristine white building. It had to have been a new building. You still remember Maru living with his mom while the two of you were dating, not that you minded, but this was a lot different from the quaint little home you were used to. You gaze down at your phone for the tenth time that morning, looking over your messages with him. This was the right address. Taking in a deep breath, you suck in every bit of nervousness still flowing through your veins, before taking the elevator up to the floor you needed.

Your breath hitches when the front door opens. Maru’s standing there, surprised look written across his features like he’s just woken up, black tank top practically slipping off his shoulder, ridden up enough to give you a good look of his abs. You can’t stop the way your eyes rake over his body, he’s built a lot more muscle since the last time you actually saw him. His hair’s a little longer now too, the temptation to run your fingers through the pitch black strands nearly taking over your soul.

“..Hey”

He finally snaps out of it then, rushing to adjust his top while the door opens wider. “Hey! Sorry, come in”

The inside is just as nice as what you saw on the outside; Light wooden panelling covers the apartment floor, the main living room couches are a nice dark grey colour, perfectly suiting the paintings hanging along the wall. You’re surprised, there aren’t any clothes or shoes scattered all over the house, your ex-boyfriend’s previously messy behaviour nowhere to be seen in the tidy space. Things click into place when you finally notice the doors lining the apartment’s walls.

“You have a roommate now?”

“Huh?” Maru pauses at what you think is his room door, turning back to you with a lazy yawn. “Oh yeah I do, he’s not here right now. He’s at work”

His room is a lot more of what you’d expect from him, barely any furniture or decorations, the only thing making the room look lived in being the dirty clothes littered all over the floor. That makes your heart squeeze painfully; You used to be the one hanging all of your pictures and figurines everywhere, decorating the room until it was practically yours.

You find your way over to his wardrobe, bending over to look inside a light blue paper bag seated on the floor. It’s your old hoodie, nestled inside the bag with a neat card on top, a hastily drawn heart written across the stark white card. Your hand comes up behind your legs, your skirt too short to let you bend too much. Even with that, you swear you heard Maru let out a shuddering breath, his face a nervous shade of red by the time you turn back to him.

“Found that a while ago. I was gonna bring it to you when you texted me first..”

You clutch the bag closer to your chest, showing him a genuinely grateful smile. The light pink dusting his ears only makes you smile wider. A peaceful silence hangs between both of you for a few moments, the tension in the air forcing both of you to try and focus on literally anything but each other. Your eyes finally snag on something different to talk about, a neat black suit hanging from the handles on his closet.

“Oh, you work now? Is that why you haven’t been replying to my messages?”

You mean it as a joke, but the slightly hurt tone that leaks into your sentence immediately negates any of that. Both of you rush to speak over the other, your faces burning brighter the longer you try to talk. Maru eventually gets to explain that he’s been working as a civil servant, leaving work at odd hours, too exhausted to take a shower, let alone look at his phone.

“I wouldn’t just ignore you, you know that..”

Both of you fall into another bout of silence, longer this time, embarrassment flooding through your body until it crawls up the back of your neck. Your fingers tighten on the straps of the paper bag; You’d gotten what you technically came for, exhausted every topic of conversation you could think of. It would be weird if you stayed any longer. You count your mission today a failed one, the defeat ringing loudly in your ears.

Your legs move as if on autopilot, carrying you towards the room door in four long strides, irregardless of how much you want to slow down and stay here as long as possible. Something gets in the way of your exit, a hand firmly gripping your upper arm, stopping you from walking any further. Maru’s staring at you intensely, eyebrows drawn together, lips creased in a little pout that does something to your heart. He’s flushed an even brighter shade of red now, his hand trembling a little as he lightens his grip.

“..Stay a little longer, please?”

You’re pressed against the wall closest to the door, the paint digging into your back with every jerky movement. Your arms wrap around Maru’s neck, dragging his sculpted body even closer to yours as your lips weave together in a desperate kiss. The kiss is sweet; It tastes like strawberries in this addictive way that makes you want to never let go, your body shivering as he slips his tongue into your mouth, swallowing the high-pitched whine you let out.

His hands are all over you, gripping the fat of your thighs from underneath your skirt, spreading a sultry heat along your skin. You’re barely supporting yourself on one leg, the other wrapped firmly around Maru’s hip, making it easier for him to grind up into you, moaning into the warmth of your mouth. He sneaks a hand under your shirt, unclipping your bra with ease, his other hand coming up to grope your chest, rolling your nipple between his fingers until it pebbles under his touch.

A thin line of spit separates you two when you finally pull apart, your thumb sliding it’s way into his mouth as he stares down at you, eyes glazed over, spit slicking his lips, desire burning in his irises. You stop him when he leans in again, giggling lightly at the frustrated groan he lets slip. You watch him struggle a little longer, placing a firm finger against his chin every time he leans in to kiss you, revelling in the little pecks he plants along your collarbone, silently begging for permission. You finally let him kiss you a moment later, his reactions too cute for you to keep denying him.

“P-please.. I want you so bad..”

You run a careful hand through his hair, shifting the strands back until his head snaps into the space behind him, his adam's apple bobbing nervously.

“You have to tell me exactly what you want babe…”

He breaks out of your hold, pressing his lips against your skin like a man starved, each kiss punctuated by his desperate pleas.

“Want to taste you… want you to cum on my tongue..”

…

Maru has you pinned against the bed, his head buried deep between your legs. He’s been nipping at your inner thigh for what feels like hours now, letting the tip of his nose brush against your clit but never actually giving you what you want. You watch him snake a hand down under the sheets, palming the tent in his sweatpants while he burrows his face even deeper in your underwear, licking a stripe from your entrance to your clit, dampening the dark grey fabric.

He gives in to your whining a second later, taking the edge of your underwear in between his teeth before ripping the garment clean off, leaving your pussy bare. You barely have a second to react before he’s pushing his mouth against your slick mound, flat tongue dragging in between your folds, wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking like he plans to suck your soul out.

Your hips jump instinctively, making Maru moan so hard the vibrations send another wave of pleasure through your veins. He’s humping the mattress now, slow and needy, cock trapped in the tight fabric of his boxers, damp patch in the middle of them already staining the dark material of his sheets.

“Hngh.. Maru, slow down..”

He doesn’t seem to want to listen to you, muscular arms keeping your thighs trapped against his mouth, stopping you from wriggling away. He barely even responds to you, groaning into your pussy before he sticks his tongue further inside, fast, sloppy strokes that hit the spot, making your toes curl. His nose still bumps against your clit with every touch, sending shivers up your spine.

His hips never still, rolling slow circles into mattress, his body moving automatically. The damp spot on his underwear grows bigger, precum spilling further onto the sheets. Even from where you’re laying, you can see the head of his cock slipping out with each thrust, making even more of a mess the longer he goes on.

Maru lets out a breathless whine when you finally get a good grip on his hair, dragging his head back until you can get a good look at him; He has this dazed look on his face, pupils blown, face burning brighter than the heat between your legs. He dives back down into you, focusing his lips on your sensitive clit while he slides two thick fingers into your cunt, curling them in the exact spot you needed. His tongue flicks over your clit, keeping a brutal pace that immediately makes your back arch, a sultry heat coiling in your abdomen.

“Oh fuck yes — right there! M’ gonna cum..”

Your thighs clamp over his head, the pleasure slowly getting too much for you to handle. Your hips are practically floating off the bed, grinding into Maru’s fingers with such a burning intensity, your thighs soon start to ache. The feeling takes over your body, sharp sensations that crash through your form, scorching your limbs like they’re filled with liquid fire. Slick coats Maru’s mouth, dripping down his chin as he fucks you through the after shocks, lapping at your sore cunt, softer now. He moans like he’s the one in your position, his hips stuttering into the bed, once, twice, before they still.

Much to your horror, Maru doesn’t move from his position, panting hard into the heat of your cunt as he keeps licking, slow, but still sensual enough for your hips to twitch. Your hands find his hair instinctively, pushing against his head while your already sore clit aches under his attention. He doesn’t move an inch, splaying his hands against your thighs, keeping them spread open just for him.

“One more- please.. just cum…”

Tears prick in the corner of your eyes, the pleasure too much for you to handle. Your cunt clenches around nothing, almost begging for more stimulation despite the tiredness creeping in on you. Your second orgasm comes quicker than the first, ten times stronger as it locks your limbs in place, a broken whine echoing through the walls of Maru’s room as your hips rock against his face, attempting to soothe the constant ache between your legs.

You watch him crawl his way up your body, burying his head in the crook of your neck as his hips continue their relentless pursuit for pleasure, grinding into your inner thigh. He’s still achingly hard, the tip now peeking through his clothes. He shivers when you reach down, finally freeing it from the black fabric.

Maru leans away from you, peeling off the tank top now clinging to his abs from sweat, but your gaze is locked on his length. It was massive, almost nearing eight inches with a thicker base, one you knew would tear you apart in seconds. His cock twitches under the pressure of it’s own desire, angry red tip leaking even more pre onto your shivering cunt.

Your thighs squeeze together on instinct, a twinge of fear replacing the heat boiling in your veins. Maru swiftly puts an end to that, hooking his arms around your thighs, spreading them back open as he drags you back to him, your pussy flush against the base of his length, the heat making your back arch painfully.

“Don’t- Don’t run from me.”

His eyes are glazed over; Stare locked on the space between your thighs, as he rubs his cock in between your slit, the light slapping of his hips meeting yours only making you wetter. Slick coats the length of his penis, making each thrust slippery as he slides between your folds, leaning into the feeling, your thighs now pressed against your stomach. The tip of his cock catches your clit a few times, both of your heads falling back, your moans weaving together in the warm air of Maru’s room. His thrusts start getting sloppier, more and more precum leaking onto your stomach the faster his hips move.

It feels like it’s been hours before his hips still, his hand shooting downwards to grip the base of his cock, each breath coming in harder as he angles the tip at your entrance, prodding the aching hole until you finally scream his name, your thighs clenching in anticipation.

A slow whine crawls out of your throat, his fat tip slipping into your entrance, the burning sensation of being split apart courses through your body. Maru has your wriggling hips pinned against the mattress, fingers digging into the skin as he pushes agonising inch after inch into you, drool coating your lips at the stretch.

“Hngh f-fuck.. look at you.. so tight for me”

Your glassy eyes roll to the back of your head, he’s not even halfway in and he already has you screaming. Maru plants his arms on the opposite sides of your head, licking at the tears now rolling down your cheeks, his hips stuttering against the fat of your ass. Your pussy clenches tight around his cock when he finally bottoms out, each curve and vein digging deeper into your walls, drawing a low growl from your ex-boyfriend.

He only takes a second to let you adjust, shuffling back and forth on his knees before he’s snapping his hips forward, pounding his way deeper and deeper into your cunt until he finds your g spot, curling your toes at the brutal pace.

Your hands carve their way across his broad back, nails scratching deep into the skin, leaving bright red gashes that make him whimper. Maru leans into you, cock still smashing into your drenched cunt as he takes one of your boobs into his mouth, rolling his tongue around your nipple, sending shock waves straight to your clit.

Your arms grip the head board, head lolled back over the pillow melting into your neck. The room seems to be getting hotter, your skin sizzling under the weight of Maru’s thrusts. Your eyes finally snap open when an acrid smell invades your lungs, pressing against your senses. Maru is still looming over you, keeping your hips flush against his; But his eyes are completely glazed over, milky white irises somehow still gazing down at you, the thick, mustard coloured gas leaking from his lips the second thing you notice.

It hangs over the room, almost making it harder to breathe. When it finally settles in your lungs, it feels like a fire’s been lit under you. Your hips jumping to meet Maru’s as you claw at the sheets under you. He takes the hint immediately, slamming into you with renewed vigour, the wet slap of your hips colliding resounding in your ears. His hand comes down to touch you, thumb sliding over your aching clit, drawing his name into the sensitive nub as your cunt spasms around him.

Three sharp thrusts and you’re cumming, hard. The coil wounding tighter in your abdomen until it finally snaps, your limbs digging further into the mattress as you struggle to control them, pathetic mewls and moans crawling out from your lips despite your attempts to suppress them. Maru never slows down, each thrust bruising your cervix as he speeds up even more, holding onto your thighs tighter as he spills into you, breathing hard over your still trembling form.

You barely even get a second to breathe before you feel your body turn, flipping you over onto your stomach, that familiar stretch taking over your bottom half as Maru snakes a firm arm under your neck, squeezing hard enough for you to see stars. The pressure of his body on yours makes you lightheaded, his bruising pace forcing your sensitive nub against the mattress.

“F-fuck Maru, wait..!”

He’s not even listening, growling into your shoulder as he litters your skin with bite marks. You can feel him drooling all over you, needy whines punctuating each thrust as the tip of his cock kisses your cervix. Maru lifts your head up until you can see his face again, the crimson blush rapidly spreading across his cheeks, blood freely flowing down his nose, mixing in with the dust still floating out from his mouth.

You watch him lean down, slotting his mouth against yours, the yellow dust pouring into your lungs faster than before. It makes your body tingle, nipples erect against the cold air as your cunt clenches down harder on him, Maru groaning into your mouth while he fucks you harder into the mattress. The dust continues to fog up your mind, smothering your form in an unbearable pleasure that travels down to where the both of you are connected, sending another orgasm crashing through you.

Maru cums soon after, the feeling of his seed filling you up forcing a soft whine out of your wrecked throat. He finally pulls out of you, flipping you back over onto your back, manhandling your tired body until your legs are dangling over each shoulder. His tongue finds your cunt before you can even think to protest, scooping up his own cum before fucking it back into you. You hiss at the contact, your hands weakly swatting at his shoulders, doing absolutely nothing to stop him.

He curls his tongue between your folds, spreading your sopping cunt with two thick fingers, weaving his lips around your clit. Your body is too tired to fight for long, melting into the soft sheets under you, letting the sensations take over you. He flattens his tongue against your slit, mixing your juices even more with his cum as it coats the inside of your thighs. It hurts, it hurts so good that your fifth orgasm comes just as easy as the first four; Warm liquid gushing out from your sore pussy, landing on Maru’s already waiting tongue.

Your body gives up on you in that moment, every bit of energy you previously had quickly drains out of you, spilling onto the bed under you. You reach a hand out to your boyfriend, trying to get him to lay down with you; But he slides away from your touch, watching as your tired arm flops back onto your stomach. The last thing you feel before your vision finally fades, is Maru’s tongue flicking over your clit one more time, dragging a small whimper out of you before you’re out like a light.

…

The room is dark when you open your eyes again, pale grey light filtering in from the only window in Maru’s room. Still foggy with sleep, your mind wonders what time is it, trying to remember where you dropped your phone before you got into bed. You remember falling asleep on your back, but you’re on your side now, staring into the wood of your boyfriend’s closet while your body is still trying to catch up. A sharp slap wakes you up fully, bringing you back to a tight stretch between your legs, your cunt clenching down painfully without even thinking.

You feel an arm strapped to your side, digging into your stomach as it holds you in place, coming up to squeeze your boobs. Your head snaps back against a solid chest, the pleasure immediately plunging your mind into a frenzy. Through half-lidded eyes, you can see Maru staring down at you, eyebrows drawn in concentration as his hips slam upwards into you, drawing another wanton moan from your throat. The dust that was previously overflowing from his lips has mostly fizzled out, a few strands still curling around both of your bodies.

“Mmph.. Maru?”

His lips crash into yours, swallowing whatever protests you were about to utter, a firm hand splayed against your right leg hanging over his hips, keeping your pussy spread wide open for him. With all the cum leaking out of your poor abused hole, coating the inside of your thighs with a light sheen, it’s clear he’s been fucking you the whole time; The very shape of his cock moulding your insides.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head the second his fingers find your clit, rubbing the sore nub in quick circles, hasty hearts until you’re screaming again, another orgasm crawling up the heat in your stomach. Through the sounds of Maru’s hips slapping against your ass, you swear you can hear someone bang on the room door, yelling out your boyfriend’s name before he turns his head, shouting back at the door, telling whoever was behind it to shut up.

He pulls out of you a minute later, ignoring the broken whine you let out while he flips both of you over, until you’re the one on top of him, steadying yourself with two hands splayed against his sculpted chest. Maru guides your hips, lifting them up for a second, before letting them drop back onto his cock, the sensation making your back arch in the air.

It doesn’t take long for you to get the hang of things, the inside of your thighs thrumming painfully as you roll your hips against him, bouncing in his lap like your life depends on it. He bucks his hips off the bed, meeting you in the middle with a lewd slap. You watch him reach up to hold you, his big hands cupping each breast, kneading them hard enough to make your vision go white, each hard slap he lands on your nipples sending electricity straight to your cunt.

“Gonna fill you up so good.. fuck- you’re so pretty..”

The praise makes you keen, your pussy fluttering around him so hard his head falls back into the mattress, a broken whine forcing itself out of his throat. Your body feels like jelly now, your hips following the brutal pace Maru sets, his fingers digging into the fat at your sides as he basically uses you as a flesh light.

“Please! F-fuck m’ cumming m’ cumming m’ cumming!-”

Your moans mix together in the air, getting louder and louder until you’re certain the whole apartment block can hear you. The pressure that was steadily building in your bladder finally releases, cum gushing all over his cock, dripping down his stomach as your thighs start to shake, your eyes rolled so far back in your head, your vision nearly goes white.

You feel Maru grabbing at your hips, his own pace stuttering as your cunt continues to clench around him. His legs tremble harder than your whole body, toes curling deep into the sheets while light tears flow freely down his face, mixing with the drool dripping down his chin. Still sensitive, you feel his cock twitching inside you, though nothing actually comes out.

Your body crashes on top of his, burying your face into his neck as he flops a tired arm onto your back. You’re still connected at the base, both of you too tired to pull each other off. Aside from the blinding exhaustion, something sweet swirls around in the depths of your heart. After all this time, you’d somehow jumped to the conclusion that Maru wouldn’t want you anymore, that you’d come here just to embarrass yourself and go home.

There’s no one in the house with you either; You’d dismissed the cleaning staff for the day a while ago, claiming you needed the silence to think, and you haven’t seen your husband since last night. During the awkward dinner you’d finally convinced him to join, which ended the same way it always did, with him rushing off to meet friends while you were stuck at home once more. When had your life gotten so boring?

Was it five years ago, when your husband had finally gotten his first high paying job? Or three years ago, when it started consuming his home life with you? Complaining now leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, anyone looking in would envy you, claim you got lucky, that you were living a life many could only dream of.

Your husband made more than enough for you to sit at home, do whatever you liked whenever, and most importantly, buy whatever you want. You had no job, a decision made at your husband’s insistence, so you could spend as much time as you wanted lounging around. It was all true, but that didn’t mean you weren’t miserable.

Things were a lot better when you’d just gotten married; Fresh out of college, bright eyed with your first job, struggling but madly in love. It all seemed so simple back then, so intimate, back when both of you actually had time for each other. You remember walking out of that courtroom, in an outfit your mother had hastily sewn together earlier that week, hand in hand smiling with a man you barely see nowadays, vowing that your marriage would always be this beautiful. And now look at where you are. At what seven years of marriage has gifted you.

Over the years, you’ve tried nothing but your hardest. Buying expensive sets to distract both you and your husband from the way your body ages, only to be brushed off; Organising dinners and nights out that always end with you waiting in the living room for hours. If you’d had the amount of money you now spend on failed trips back when you were in university, your life would’ve been much easier.

A small part of you used to think he had someone on the side, some young secretary at his company that he preferred spending his nights with. The theory used to burn up inside you until you finally let it spill, screaming at the top of your lungs every night for a week straight while your husband did everything he could to ignore you. Now, even if he does have someone else, you find that you can’t push yourself to care. Too much dead time has passed between you both.

A sharp knock forcefully drags you out of your own thoughts, bringing you back to reality with a loud bang in your silent prison. Confusion finds it’s way into your body, prompting you to trudge towards the main door. You’re not expecting anyone today, and nowadays, your husband never came back before 9 pm. Maybe one of the staff left something behind.

Your breath hitches when the door gives way, a sultry heat flooding your face in a split second. Long blonde hair, ocean deep blue eyes, and a grin that only seems to grow wider the longer you stare.

Michael Kaiser.

The star athlete on your husband’s football team, and his biggest investment. Young, bold, and arrogant with the skills to match. Exactly the kind of man you swore to avoid back when you were younger. He’s been hanging around for a while now; Always letting your husband drag him to different work events, always making a point to be rude to all the other older coaches without a care in the world. You started your affair with him only a month after he’d struck up conversation with you at another one of your husband’s parties, capturing your attention faster than anyone else could even try.

Things moved quick from there; Kaiser would gravitate towards you no matter what event you were at, gaining more of your affection until he weaselled his way into your home, and then into your bed. A big part of you always felt guilty every time you two met up, feeling abandoned didn’t give you an excuse to cheat. But even as you said that to yourself, you could never actually stop. He made you feel young again, alive even. The least you could do was take advantage of something that made you that happy.

You feel a hand snake around your waist, pulling you into Kaiser’s firm chest while his lips crash into yours, hot and messy. Your arms wrap around his neck almost on instinct, drawing your bodies even closer together as the heat consumes you. A needy whine crawls out of your throat when he separates from you first, before rationality comes flooding through your veins, clearing the fog hovering over your mind. Your eyes scan the driveway behind him, looking out for anyone who could’ve seen.

“Relax, I’m the only one here”

It only takes a few seconds for him to push his way into your living room, spreading open mouthed pecks across your neck while his hands sneak under your clothes, leaving trails of heat on your skin. By the time both of you fall into the nearest couch, your clothes are scattered all over the hallway, the thought of how careless you’re being completely overridden by how hard Kaiser’s grinding up into you. Firm hands splayed over your hips, his body propped up on the pillows you were laying on moments earlier, watching as you ride him, slow and deliberate, his arousal creating a damp blotch in the fabric of his underwear.

“Fuck… hurry up..”

You quickly obey, aware of how he’ll retaliate if you tease him too much. His cock springs free the moment you pull at the black fabric, slapping his stomach with a lewd squelch that makes your core burn hotter. It fills you up nicely, thick and veiny, hitting all the right spots to almost make you cum immediately. Both of you let out satisfied groans while you start moving, his fingers digging into the fat of your ass with every roll of your hips. Your hand finds his hair, tugging hard enough to make him moan louder, leaving his throat exposed while you trace every vine on his tattoo with your mouth.

You grind down on him harder, drinking in every little sound he makes. Your thighs are starting to ache but you don’t slow down, the heat lingering in your abdomen burning hotter with every thrust. Kaiser slides his arms around your waist, pressing you up against him, the new position sending shivers up your spine with how deep he’s in you now. The rhythmic slapping starts ringing in your ear, each thrust making your head fuzzier until your orgasm finally crashes through you, the aftershocks almost numbing your limbs. Kaiser only holds onto you tighter, his hips stuttering before they finally still, the feeling of him spilling into you making you shiver again.

…

“You should’ve called me before you showed up..”

Both of you are laying in your bedroom now, the soft, white sheets highlighting the frown spread across Kaiser’s face. You watch him shuffle over the bed, curling his body around yours until his head is flat against your chest. After the last three orgasms he pulled out of you, you’re too tired to push him off, your hand coming up to glide through his hair.

“Just wanted to see you, liebling. I didn’t know I needed permission for that”

You still have the energy to slap his shoulder, earning a sly chuckle from the man as he crawls up higher on your bed, pressing light kisses into your neck when he’s finally comfortable enough. He pushes his body onto yours the more you try to shoo him away, ignoring your fervent protests. A surprised scream jumps out of your mouth when he gets a proper hold on you, flipping both of you over until you’re the one laying on his chest. You watch him pout while you sit up in bed, missing a bit of the body heat he provided.

“You know that’s not what I mean, my husband could’ve been home”

Kaiser shrugs his shoulders, bored look now replacing the playful one he had before.

“Who cares?”

“I care, I don’t want to get caught..”

His frown deepens as you get off his lap, rummaging around your walk in closet for what you can wear while you get rid of your ruined ones downstairs. By the time you walk back into the main room, he’s sunken deeper into your bed, clearly sulking now. It’s getting harder for you not to notice how weird Kaiser’s been acting lately, especially when it comes to you and your husband; Cutting you off the minute you bring him up, insulting the poor man whenever he can, insisting on sex only in your bed. He’s been getting pushy with your boundaries too.

“Yeah, yeah I get it.” Even with how upset he seems, he still manages to cross the room in three quick strides, resting his head in the crook of your neck.

“Can I come see you tomorrow then?”

You let out a small sigh, rolling your eyes at how childish Kaiser’s acting. It’s times like these that remind you how much younger he is. Your husband used to act the same when he was that age.

“No, I’m busy tomorrow”

“Busy doing what?!” His head snaps up at that, incredulous look on his face. That’s when you finally get the chance to push him away, pressing your hand against his forehead until his arms slip off your midsection.

“You should know, my husband speaks to you a lot, doesn’t he?”

Recognition doesn’t dawn on Kaiser’s face at any point while you’re still cleaning up the room, even if he does know, he’s doing a good job of pretending he doesn’t.

“We’re hosting dinner tomorrow evening, it’s another one of his work things”

Silence falls over both of you for a moment, the sound of you shuffling things around being the only noise to punctuate it. Something in you tells you to look back, and when you do, the first thing you spot is the weird look Kaiser has on his face. His jaw ticked, his eyebrows are drawn together in a look you would almost find cute, if he wasn’t glaring daggers at you. Or was that look directed at the mention of your husband? Either way, it disappears faster than you can point it out, replaced by the sly smile you know all too well.

“Do I get an invite?”

“Ask your coach, I’m sure he’d be happy to bring you along”

Your shoddy cleaning attempt is interrupted when you feel him drag you backwards, your back hitting his chest while you stare up at him. You don’t even get to tell him to let go before he kisses you again, deeper this time. His hand pressed firmly against the back of your neck, trapping you against him, stealing your breath away the longer his lips weave together with yours. Even when you hit his chest several times, he doesn’t let go until he seems satisfied, both of your chests heaving when you finally separate.

“Would it kill you to humour me, just once?”

“Mmh.. it would” You reach a hand up to his face, pinching the skin between two fingers. “You know you don’t need my permission to come to our events”

All that earns you is a heavy sigh from Kaiser, watching him run a hand through his hair before he clearly gives up, heading towards your room door.

“Still, would’ve liked to hear you wanted me to come.”

That makes you pause. You’ve never seen him act like this, like he’s some high school boy trying to get his crush to notice them. It’s weird. Against everything swirling around in your mind, you decide not to say anything for now. Maybe this was a one off thing, or maybe he’s just having a bad day. As long as he didn’t try anything strange in front of your husband, you really didn’t care what he did. You stand by the bottom of the stairs, letting your gaze flit over his body one last time before he throws his clothes on.

“If you’re going to come tomorrow, I’m sure you already know you have to behave yourself”

“I don’t know what you mean, I’m always on my best behaviour”

There’s the Kaiser you know. He doesn’t need to turn around to know you’re already rolling your eyes, chuckling to himself as he puts on his jacket. You push yourself off the railing, reaching him in a few steps, taking the ends of his jacket and adjusting them until he looks less dishevelled.

“I’m serious. Don’t say anything weird.”

He plants one last kiss on your cheek, before he’s off towards the main door, stopping to throw a mock salute your way, clearly revelling in the slight frown you give him.

“Whatever you say, liebling”

The house has been in a constant state of panic since morning; Workers rushing up and down the hallways, cleaning more vigorously every time you pass them. The heat radiating from the kitchen is enough to boil all of you alive, but you still have to make your rounds through the starch heat, pointing out the errors with each dish, much to the chef’s dismay. It’s not the first time you’ve hosted dinner in your home, that doesn’t mean it had to be any less perfect. You were grateful for the workers at least, your job would’ve been a lot harder if they weren’t here, even if they weren’t doing exactly what you wanted.

You’re back in the kitchen now, sweat beading across your neck and flowing freely down your back, staining the light chiffon fabric you just had washed yesterday. The pot of soup seated on the stove below you has been simmering for over an hour now, your arm starting to cramp with how long you’ve been stirring. You really shouldn’t be in the kitchen right now, letting the steam float into your face until it starts giving you a headache. It’s almost time for the guests to start arriving, you should be upstairs with your husband, spraying your fifth layer of perfume while he asks you which one of his silly ties looks the best.

Unfortunately for you, you can’t trust anyone else with this. Your mother passed the recipe down to you, used to stand over you, watching to make sure you got everything right. You’ve tried your best to teach the chefs what you can, but they never seem to get it right. A lock of hair falls into your eyes, immediately sticking to the sweat spread across your forehead, making you even more irritated. Before you can even find the time to blow it out of your face, a hand slides in from behind you, tucking the strand back into it’s place, before gliding down to rest on your hip. The tame action makes you jump a little, the hand at your side spreading even more heat through your form.

“Jesus! You scared me..”

A dry chuckle makes it’s way past your ears, calm replacing the sharp anxiety flooding through your veins when you realise who it is. Your husband places his head on your shoulder, nestling deeper into your neck while his hands trace circles into your waist. Despite how dry your love life has been, everything about your husband still makes you swoon; That sweet cologne scent he brings everywhere with him, the way his body dwarfs yours, wrapping you in his body heat, his smooth voice ringing in your ears. All of it makes your legs weak, your body melting into his back, gently swaying along to the music floating in from the living room.

“Feels like I haven’t seen you in forever”

“Well you’re always at work..” You hum, letting your head fall back into him.

He chuckles again, gently tilting your chin up until you can see him smiling down at you with something you haven’t seen on his face in a while. Love. You watch him lean down to kiss your forehead, making his way down against your protests until he’s nipping at your bottom lip.

“Then we should change that, hm?”

Your body freezes up, the surprise you feel obvious on your face with how hard your husband’s smiling. How long has it been since you’ve had a moment like this? Peaceful, happy, intimate. You can’t remember the last time both of you even planned a simple at home dinner.

“We should go out tomorrow, just the two of us. How does that sound?”

“Yeah..” It takes you a while to snap back to reality, the fireworks going off in your head causing a slow smile to spread across your features. “Yeah I’d love to”

He flashes you that sweet smile one last time, before excusing himself to start greeting the guests filing into the house. You don’t leave the kitchen until ten minutes later, the heat radiating through your veins no longer from the stove with you. A small thread of guilt wraps itself around your heart, the image of Kaiser kissing you yesterday coming back to haunt you, but you push the thought aside as quickly as you can. You finally have a fraction of what you wanted this whole time, you were going to take advantage of it. Kaiser was still just a momentary distraction.

…

The house is a lot livelier by the time you arrive back downstairs, the soft music you’d picked so painstakingly now drowned out by the meaningless chatter floating around the room. Your sage green outfit standing out exactly the way you wanted it to, amongst the sea of stark blacks and obnoxious white designer gowns. As you navigate through the crowd, stopping to greet guests every five seconds, you really hope your husband hasn’t changed his tie. This was one of your only chances to match his usually dark clothing palette.

Speaking of which, from where you’re standing it seems like your husband is wrapped up in conversation with a friend that already seems too tipsy, waving his glass of wine in the air while he chatters on about something you can’t make out. That leaves you by yourself for the next hour, the closeness you felt from your moment in the kitchen already fading with every person that blocks your husband from view.

A heavy gaze focused on the back of your head finally snaps your attention away from the crowd around your husband, turning to see a set of ocean blue eyes focused on you, light hair falling into them. Even with the crowd, the path between you and Kaiser is completely clear, giving you a full view of the desire swirling around in his irises. He’s always so easy to spot, that carefree smirk catching your eye no matter how big the room was. Your body moves as if on autopilot, crossing the path in just a few steps. His hand finds it’s place at your waist the minute you’re close enough, the sultry tone echoing in your ear running a shiver down your spine.

“You look stunning, liebling”

“Kaiser.”

Another hand snakes it’s way around your arm, dragging you into a body you were already familiar with. Your husband’s work smile is still plastered on his face, but he’s very clearly pissed, even Kaiser can tell. The tension hanging over the three of you fades soon enough, the conversation of match highlights and team formation coming easily to the two men. Your attention wanders elsewhere, the slowly emptying snack trays irritating a bit of your psyche. You make a mental note to pull aside one of the workers, they still weren’t moving fast enough for your liking.

“Honey? Are you alright?”

The sound of your husband’s concern brings you back, their previous conversation fizzled out as you look up to see him holding a glass up to you, the light pink liquid sparkling under the shine of your living room’s lights.

“Hm? Oh thank you, I’m fine.”

You quickly take the flute out of his hands, reciprocating the small smile he sends your way. Though the smile fades the minute you turn back to Kaiser. He has that look on his face again, that murderous glint in his eyes you saw yesterday afternoon. He almost looks deranged. And just like last time, the look is gone in a second, covered by the wine glass he’s holding as he takes a sip.

“You should try the red wine, it’s a lot better”

“Hm..” Your husband nods absentmindedly, turning back to you with a grin that almost looks venomous. “But you like champagne more, don’t you?”

The silence that hangs over the air around you is enough to make you choke, sweat rolling down your back. You really want to hit Kaiser over the head, especially since you specifically told him to behave tonight. You’re not surprised he’s doing this, putting you in an awkward position to stroke his own ego, but you refuse to entertain him this time.

“I’ll go check the food, I think we’re running low..”

Your legs power you off towards the kitchen faster than both of them can call your name, the awkward energy fading behind you leaving you breathless. The kitchen is mostly empty now, spotless as well. Most of the food is out there on the tables. though there are still some appetisers lying around. Luckily for you, an attendant walks in right as you need them, taking the rest of the food outside with a small bow and apology. That leaves you alone with your thoughts for the first time tonight. It’s only been about an hour but it already feels like three have passed, like you’re developing more wrinkles.

“Somethin’ on your mind?”

The speed at which you whip around is enough to make you dizzy, but the sight of the man standing by the kitchen door does that for you already. Kaiser walks up to where you’re standing faster than you can even try to walk around him, trapping your body against the marble counter behind you with his arms.

“Micha.”

“Yes, schatz?”

No matter how hard you push at his chest, Kaiser doesn’t move an inch, chuckling at your shoddy attempt to stop him as he lowers his head closer to your neck, savouring the shudder you give him. A wanton moan crawls out of your throat when his hand travels up your thigh, groping the fat of your ass so hard it makes your head spin.

“Stop.. someone might come in..”

“And?”

Against your better judgement, you let him kiss you, groaning into the warmth of his mouth as he presses your back deeper into the counter behind you. Your mind is still reeling when he makes his way down your body, leaving trails across your neck while your hips meet his, grinding down on the obvious tent in his pants. His other hand comes down hard on your chin, pushing your face up until you’re staring right at him, your face an inch away from his.

“Look at you, spreading your legs like some whore. If you keep moaning that loud, your precious husband might find out what you’re here doing..”

His thumb slips further into your mouth while he rambles, pushing down on your tongue until he has enough space to slot his mouth onto yours again, possessiveness radiating through the way his hands glide over your body.

“Don’t even know why you like him so much. I fuck you better, don’t I?”

“Babe? Are you still in there?”

That finally prompts you into action, your hands pushing against Kaiser’s chest so quick he has no time to react, before they come up to fuss over you clothes, smoothing down the fabric while you scan for any hickeys. With how hard Kaiser was clinging on to you, you can tell he wasn’t going to move away in time. Your husband wanders in a second later, eyeing both of you with a suspicion that makes your stomach churn, before he saunters up to you, giving you a once over while you try to convince him you’re fine.

In the time it took your husband to adjust the rest of your attire, Kaiser managed to slip out of the kitchen relatively unnoticed. And by the time both of you get back to the party, he’s no where in sight. That alone is enough to irritate you, you should’ve hit him for that stunt he pulled while you still had the chance. Still, it’s a miracle you didn’t get caught at all, and even if your husband is wary, he doesn’t say anything to let you know.

The rest of the night goes by peacefully, your main focus now on staying by your husband and entertaining the rest of the guests. Even if you wanted to leave his side, your husband doesn’t plan on letting you, keeping his hand firmly placed against your side. Only one thing seems to keep you unsettled; The steely gaze always settled on your lower back, burning into the skin itself. But every time you turn around, there’s no one there, the expanse of people in your home all focused on their own conversations. The feeling never leaves you that night, not even when all your guests are gone.

True to his word, your husband wakes you up as early as he can without angering you, just to take you out. For the first time in a while, you wake up to him still in bed, sturdy arm draped over your previously sleeping form as he plants kisses all over your face. He doesn’t let you get up until you kiss him back either, plopping his heavy body onto yours while he laughs along with you, your joy echoing through the bleak walls.

Both of you finally get in the car almost two hours later. With how much time you wasted trying to get your husband off you, you’re certain you’ve missed your reservation by now. Though you can’t complain too much, it feels like both of you are back to being teenagers again, sneaking around the house just to make out without your mother catching you. The car ride there isn’t even as peaceful as you’d like, teasing you seems to be the only thing on your husband's mind as he drives.

He plants a firm hand on your thigh only a minute into you leaving the house, rubbing slow circles into the fabric of your clothing. He let’s you bring his hand higher up your leg, a satisfied smile spreading wider across his face the more you seem to get bothered. By the time you finally have him exactly where you want him, the car makes an abrupt stop at what you presume is the restaurant. Your husband chuckles at the frustrated sigh you let out, dragging your face closer to his until your lips meet in a slow, sensual kiss.

“Later, love. I’ll give you whatever you want after this”

The restaurant towering above you is just as opulent as you’d expect from your husband. Your eyes are glued to the building the moment he helps you out of the car, chuckling softly at your awe-struck reaction. Both of you stand off to the side for a second, the sound of your husband’s phone ringing taking the smile off his face. You watch him decline the call immediately, switching off his phone before he tosses it into the car, taking your hand once more. You had to give him credit for that, he’d gotten what looked like several work calls on the drive here, and hadn’t picked a single one.

This was the first time in a while he’d made that kind of effort.

Every date used to feel like a race to see how long you could eat peacefully until someone would call him away. Now it feels like he’s actually trying, hope rising a little in your chest. Recognition finally dawns on you when you step into the building, familiar regal blue walls, and cream marble floors stare back at you, bringing back happier memories.

It was such a long time ago, when all both of you could survive on was your meagre payslip. Your husband was hopping between jobs at the time, blindly following whatever business ventures his friends would suggest to him.

You remember how excited he was when he came back that day, waving his coaching contract in your face, that along with his starting bonus. You’d never seen so many zero’s in your life. The first thing he did was take you out to eat, to this exact restaurant. You remember exactly where you sat; A nice little table right at the centre, because in your husband’s words, everyone needed to see how much he could spoil you now. Your heart skips a beat as he guides you to that same table, it’s warm ambience seemingly unchanging. The wide grin he gives you as you take your seat tells you everything you need to know.

“You remembered..”

“I never forgot.” He takes your hand in his, tracing small circles into the back of it. “You looked so cute that day, all excited. I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to come back, it’s my fault you haven’t smiled like that in a while.”

He looks up into your eyes, solemn smile replacing his usually playful one.

“Will you let me make it up to you?”

It’s only when his hand comes up to caress your cheek, swiping at your eyes, do you realise you’re crying now; Silent, long-lasting tears that seem to lighten your heart the longer you let them fall. It’s been so long, you almost forgot what it felt like, this longing feeling that swells your heart until you almost choke. You watch your husband panic after a while, turning to usher over a waiter for more tissues, until he turns to see you giggling your head off, still letting the tears roll down your cheeks.

“Of course I will, do you know how long I’ve been waiting to hear that?”

“You scared me!”

He stares at you the longer you laugh, a glimpse of the man you once married shining through the lovelorn look in his eyes. You can’t lie to yourself though; A part of you still worried that this “change” would end in a few weeks, that he had found out about you and Kaiser, and this was his way of stringing you along before he ruined your life. But as for right now, none of that matters to you, the joy swirling around in your chest too much to bring you down.

…

The brunch goes just as well as you expected, with both of you telling stupid jokes, making each other laugh so hard the other patrons are finding it hard not to stare at you. Your husband also seems intent on fully embarrassing you; Ordering all sorts of dishes that forced the chefs to cook directly at your seats, bathing your table in a bright orange glow while your husband laughed at your embarrassment.

Time passes quickly while you’re enjoying yourself, the sun starting to set lower in the sky as waiters crowd around you, taking away empty plates and replacing them with fresh ones. Dessert’s just been served when your husband gets out of his chair, crossing the table to plant a kiss on your cheek.

“Gimme a second, I’ll be back soon”

You watch him head off towards the bathroom, flopping your back against the seat while you play with the slice of tiramisu seated nicely on the plate in front of you. You’re tempted to take a bit of your husband’s plate, you know he wouldn’t mind, but your playful thoughts are interrupted by the sound of your phone vibrating on the table. Your heart practically drops into your stomach when you pick it up, the caller ID glaring back at you. The phone screen fades to black as the call drops, your head swerving towards the bathrooms, relieved to see your husband hasn’t come back yet.

K pick up. 16:34pm

Your phone starts ringing again, almost louder than the last time, vibrating incessantly in your hand until you place it face down on the table, anxiety rushing through your veins. All the calm you were previously feeling gives way to a wave of irritation. Kaiser was already on thin ice because of the shit he pulled yesterday, and now here he was, making your amazing day worse. He usually wouldn’t contact you first, you didn’t even have to make that clear the first time you started sleeping together, his ego wouldn’t allow him come to you first. You pick the phone back up when it finally stops ringing, suddenly now very aware of how many people surround you, how many of them might be staring at you with suspicion in their gazes.

You Stop calling. I’m busy right now. 16:37pm

K again???? 16:37pm

what? is the old man bothering you? 16:38pm

“I thought I told that idiot to stop calling him that..”

It’s clear to you Kaiser’s hell bent on being annoying this evening, he probably wasn’t even calling you for anything serious. You don’t waste time at all, putting your phone on silent before pushing it deep into your bag, pretending nothing happened at all. You’d speak to him when he was feeling reasonable.

“Everything okay?”

Your head snaps up, looking into your husband's concerned gaze. “Mhm, I‘m fine. Just got a message from an old friend”

Your outing ends soon after, the cool wind outside the restaurant enough to soothe you to sleep. Just before you open the door, you feel a light tug on your arm, turning back to see your husband with his arm still wrapped around yours, a light pink dusting the tip of his ears.

“We’re having so much fun.. don’t you think we should stay out a little longer?”

You already have an idea of what he wants, but a tiny voice in your head is telling you to tease him a little. You like how cute he’s being.

“Yeah? What’re you thinking of?”

A sly grin forms on his face, the sun perfectly catching the mischievous glint in his eye. He holds up a black card, the gold plating on the edges glinting in the fading sunset, the logo on the front too bold to ignore. You know that hotel; It’s a new one, seated in the main city centre. You’ve heard your friends gush about it, how nice the rooms are, how hard it is to book a room in the first place. The card in your husband’s hands looks like it belongs to a penthouse suite. He really did plan this out.

“I can get us there in ten minutes”

…

You barely make it beyond the front door before you’re ripping each other’s clothes off, his mouth leaving sultry kisses across your neck and chest. The sheets are soft, the room big enough for you to host twenty people, but all the finer details don’t matter when your only focus is pushing your husband’s head down between your legs, throwing your head back when his tongue reaches a sensitive spot, his hands pinning you down like he’s holding you hostage.

You’re ashamed to even think about it, but it’s hard not to compare him to Kaiser. Your husband’s touch soft and tender in places where you know the other man would give it to you hard. But the way he kisses you, like you’re the only one for him in the whole world, that does it for you more than anything else could.

Your limbs stretch out across the light coloured sheets, exhausted but satisfied. You just want to curl up in bed, wait till your husband comes back with his room service order just to drag him into bed with you again. But against your own will, Kaiser’s messages come back into your mind. He had to have cooled off by now, and you were feeling magnanimous today, you could give him a bit of leeway even if he was being irritating. That gracious feeling immediately sucks itself out of your body when you finally unlock your phone, the notifications flying past your screen faster than you can process.

10 missed calls 16:45pm

K wtf is your prob… 16:50pm

4 missed calls 17:05pm

are you deaf???? 17:06pm

pick up the fucking phone… 17:10pm

You were irritated earlier, assuming Kaiser just wanted your attention. But this was just disturbing. What could he want so badly that he would call you this many times? The notifications don’t stop for a second, your thumb starting to cramp with how much you’re scrolling, until it slips and clicks on one of the messages, the little “online” appearing under his contact name faster than you’ve seen in a while

K i knew you were online whyd you take so long? 17:38pm

you ignoring me now?? 17:38pm

It takes everything in you not to throw your phone across the room, something in the way he’s acting almost makes you want to be sick. You drop your phone on the space beside you, dragging a tired hand down your face while you try to take a deep breath, your heart racing frantically under your palm. The thought comes to you quickly, settling in the back of your mind until it spreads further, taking over your psyche. You could just dump him.

Technically he’d served his purpose. You needed someone to keep you company while your husband kept busy with his own affairs, but now he’s trying to change, actually paying attention to you again. Kaiser was no longer needed. And nothing about his behaviour over the past few days made you want to keep him around anyway. Your hand stretches towards your phone once more, hovering in the space above it before retracting towards your chest. It would be shitty if you did this over text though, a face-to-face meeting was the least you could do for him.

For now, you push yourself off the bed, wrapping your body in a nearby bathrobe that thankfully drags the stress out of your muscles. Your husband looks up from where he’s sitting when you walk in, pulling you into his lap with one swift motion.

“You good?”

He hums when you plant a quick kiss on his lips, arranging the collar of his own bathrobe while you stare down at him, genuinely happy for the first time in a while.

“Never been better.”

You should’ve known your husband wouldn’t say something he didn’t mean, he hadn’t changed that much during your marriage. If he knew how little you thought of him now, he would spend the next week pouting all over the house.

Just in the last few weeks, he’s taken you out on little dates at least once everyday; Last minute trips to expensive resorts, reservations at all kinds of restaurants, shopping trips that wore you out until your arms and legs felt like they were going to fall off.

Even if you didn’t feel like going out on a certain day, your husband would dismiss all the staff, running around the kitchen like a madman, making a whole mess just to make you a “romantic” dinner. You never used to understand when people said it, but it’s clear to you now, you’re falling in love with your husband all over again.

Though you wouldn’t really call it a negative thing, all the moments you spent with your husband meant you didn’t have time to break things off with Kaiser, the memory of him being pushed further out of your heart with every passing day. That didn’t mean he’d forgotten about you; Without fail, your phone would buzz constantly at all hours of the day, filling up with so many messages you had to keep it on silent all the time.

The messages ranged from angry to remorseful, then back to anger again. Recently, the ones you’ve snuck a peek at from the preview of your lock screen can only be described as insane.

K does he know you dont even like seafood 21/01/26 12:09am

K his cooking is shit isnt it? 22/01/26 18:45pm

K i could buy you better clothes than that 24/01/26 11:34am

It was getting increasingly concerning. Each message timed perfectly with whatever you and your husband were doing that day, the snide comments piling up each day. But you never actually saw him outside, not even brief flashes that would be enough to validate your suspicions. You knew this was exactly what he wanted, to make you so anxious you would beg to come back to him just to make him stop. You’re still watching the notifications come in, scanning each message as he complains about your husband keeping you at home, making promises to be different like you were his heartbroken partner.

You lift your head up to look at your husband, typing away at his laptop just a few steps away from you. That was the worst part, you couldn’t even tell him about all this. How would you explain one of his star players was harassing you? You know he would never think like that, but he couldn’t even cancel Kaiser’s contract without losing a bunch of money himself. How would you even explain how Kaiser got your number?

You couldn’t do anything without implicating yourself first, and a small part of you figured Kaiser knew this too. Your thumb hovers over his contact, trying to calculate how fast you could block him before he would try anything else. You’re so close too, a hair’s breath away from the button until a loud ring echoes in your ears, your phone powering off as your legs push you off the couch before you can think about it.

“I’ll get the door”

Your husband’s response fades into the background as you approach the main door, hand resting on the solid gold handle. He wouldn’t come all the way here would he? Your husband was home, it would reflect badly on Kaiser if anything.

Unfortunately for you, it seems your luck has run out. Darkened blue eyes, and a furious scowl are the first thing you see when the door opens. He opens his mouth to speak first but you’re a lot faster, your hand shooting out to push him backwards before shutting the door behind you.

“What are you doing here?”

You watch Kaiser fold his arms across his chest, eyebrows creasing as he glares down at you.

“Did you block me? Haven’t you been getting my texts?”

This whole situation was starting to give you a headache, your forehead thumping relentlessly as you glance between the man in front of you and the window peering into your living room, your husband still sitting by without a care in the world.

“Look, you can’t be here right now. I’ll talk to you later”

His hand grabs your arm faster than you can retreat, fingernails digging into your skin while he drags you towards him.

“Don’t lie to me.”

He keeps you trapped to his chest for an uncomfortable amount of time, your struggles and protests drowned out by the increasingly painful grip on your arm. It feels like he’s going to break something, the crazed glint in his eyes sending a wave of fear over your whole body, keeping you still while he stares deep into your eyes.

“..Are you trying to cut me off?”

There’s something in his voice, the slight tremble at the end of his sentence that almost makes you want to pity him, to apologise for ghosting him even with all the awful messages he’s been sending you.

“Micha, I-”

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Both of you whip around at the same time, coming face to face with the most amount of anger you’ve ever seen on your husband before. It takes him less than ten seconds to connect the dots, and even less time to spring into action, pushing Kaiser back so hard he almost trips down the stairs of your front porch.

You finally get the chance to soothe your aching wrist, the skin now an agitated red colour that doesn’t fade no matter how tenderly you try to massage the injury. The fire in your husband’s eyes burns brighter at the sight of your broken wrist, the vein popping right above his eyebrow bulges harder.

“Get the hell off my property. Now!”

The sound makes you flinch instinctively, your shoulders curling in on themselves while your wrist throbs even more. Kaiser just stands there for a moment, glaring at your husband with the same animosity you saw the day of your dinner. His gaze flicks to you for a second, zeroing in on your hand before flitting up to your face, staring as if pleading for you to step in. You stay silent, shrinking behind your husband as much as you can; The messages were one thing, this was something else.

He clenches his jaw, glaring at both of you one last time before he’s slamming his car door, driving off into the distance, finally leaving you be. You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, unshed tears prickling in your eyes as you try to process what just happened. Your husband turns to you the minute Kaiser’s gone, taking your hand in his as gently as he can, flinching at the hiss you let out when his fingers brush by a sore spot.

“How did this happen..?”

He whispers it so quietly you almost don’t hear it, the pain and concern in his voice echoing louder than anything else. Your stomach drops a little, Kaiser had messed up everything for you just like you’d hoped he wouldn’t, planting suspicion in your husband’s mind before you even got the chance to think of a plan. You can’t even complain, all this stress just because you let loneliness overcome you just once. The words burn in your throat, making their way through your body until you finally open your mouth. This was the only thing you could do.

“I don’t know… I don’t know why he did that.. I thought he was here to speak to you. I was going to call you when he just grabbed me”

The lie tastes like ash in your mouth, and you’re sure the guilt written across your features cancels out any truth there might be to your words, but your husband doesn’t push any further, placing a gentle hand on your lower back while he guides you back into the house.

You let him settle you onto the couch, giving your cheek a quick kiss before he’s off to find a med kit laying around. The frantic pulse thrumming in your ears finally quiets down, giving you a brief moment to think.

Your lie wouldn’t be able to last long, and if Kaiser was feeling especially vindictive then you were even more screwed. His stunt today wasn’t entirely a bad thing, seeing as how he just made himself look insane; If he revealed your affair now, maybe your husband would be less inclined to believe him. You didn’t really mean to throw him under the bus, it was just easier to make yourself look more like the victim this way.

Your husband returns a minute later, cradling your sore wrist in his hands while he wraps them in bandages, the now dark purple skin fading under the soft, white gauze. He stares down at the injury for a while, even after he’s finished dressing it, smoothing a shaky thumb over the wrapping. It’s hard not to notice, the guilt hidden in every move; He probably thought a part of this was his fault, for letting someone like Kaiser around his precious partner. You snake a finger under his chin, tilting his head until he’s staring up at you, comforting him in the way you rub your hand across his cheek. You let this get too far, it had to end now.

The sun hangs high in the sky, radiating a warm, sunlight that beams through the window beside you, warming the book in your hands. A gentle breeze flows in soon after, rustling the pages and brushing it’s airy fingers through your hair. Your husband’s head nestles deeper into your lap, an arm snaking around your waist, pulling you even closer to him.

He’s been like this the whole week; Following you all over the house, always on your heel no matter where you go. Checking your wrist every five seconds, re wrapping the poor thing so much you ran out of gauze in only a few days.

It took so much out of you just to convince him to let you out of the house, but now you had to send him a message almost every hour, letting him know where you were off to and when you would be coming back. You knew he was just worried; This was the first time something like this had ever happened to you.

It felt like a stretch, calling Kaiser a stalker, but nothing else could describe what he had been doing to you and your husband. Surprisingly enough, he hasn’t contacted you in a while, maybe his ego trying to recover itself, or maybe he’d finally learnt to leave you alone. Either way, the silence was welcome for now, your phone finally resting for the first time in a while.

Your peaceful afternoon is suddenly interrupted by the sound of your husband’s phone ringing, the crease that spreads across his sleeping face enough to make you giggle. The contact name show’s you it’s someone from his workplace, the call fades to show said person has called your husband five times in the past hour.

“You have work to do, love”

He wraps his arms around you tighter, groaning into your lap like a spoiled child. You send a quick message off to the contact, promising to get your husband ready and out of the house in an hour, before gently pushing at his shoulders, trying to get him off you as soon as possible.

“I don’t want to leave you alone..” He pops his head up then, staring at you with this miserable look. “I mean, what if..”

He doesn’t have to say anymore, the implication hangs clear in the silence between you. It makes you feel guilty all over again, your recklessness making him worry more than he should. You place a tender hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles into the fabric of his shirt.

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. If anything happens I’ll call you immediately. I promise”

It takes a while before he finally moves to get ready, still convinced something will happen t you while he’s gone, like Kaiser will barge into the house and kidnap you, even as you kiss him goodbye. You wait until his car drives off, closing the door with a quiet determination. Your thumbs hesitate over your phone for a second before they starts flying over the keyboard.

You Come over. I need to talk to you 13:08pm

Much to your surprise, the typing indicator pops up faster than you thought it would. You honestly thought your message would go unanswered for days, just as his way to punish you for pushing him out that day.

K finally come to your senses? i’ll be there in 10 13:09pm

…

It’s only been about five minutes since his last message before you hear a knock at the door, the loud noise startling your already frantic heartbeat. You have a joke ready for how early he is, despite all his talk, he must’ve been desperate to see you. Whatever you wanted to say dies in your throat the second you open the door; Kaiser’s standing there, immaculately dressed for some reason, his hair slicked back in a style that makes him look significantly older. The second thing that catches your attention is the massive bouquet of blue roses sitting in his hands, the whole thing almost as wide as your doorframe.

His eyes seem to light up when he sees you, that confident smirk back on his face as he leans against your open door, placing a hand at the top of it while he leans over you, his face an inch away from yours. You watch him lean closer until your faces are an inch away, his lips puckering slightly the closer he gets. That’s when you finally snap out it, leaning just out of his reach, pressing your finger against his lips. He frowns at the rejection, leaning back as well to fix his hair before the coy smile is back on his face.

“I’m.. sorry, for last week” He thrusts the bouquet in your face, waiting until you take it from him to shift closer to you once more. “How’s your arm?”

You hold your bandaged hand up for him to see, letting it fall back at your side before he can reach for it.

“It’s fine now, come in”

The flowers weigh heavy in your hands, too big for any vase you have in the house, they’re quite pretty but you’re beginning to regret taking them from him in the first place; It would be weird if you kept them after what you planned to say. Hopefully he’d still be open to taking them back afterwards. Your body tenses up when a pair of arms wrap around your shoulder, Kaiser’s face slotting easily into the crook of your neck.

“I missed you..”

His touch feels foreign on your skin, each kiss he presses into your neck makes you shiver harder until you finally push him off, dropping the bouquet in the process. The petals scatter across your living room as you struggle to get his hands off you, whipping around to see genuine confusion spread across his features.

“What’s wrong? Are you still mad?”

“I think we should stop this.”

Silence cuts through your sentence for what feels like several hours, but has only been a few seconds. It’s starting to make you panic, your mouth spewing out words faster than you can think about it.

“It was a mistake anyway, I shouldn’t have let it go on this long. He’s apologised to me now, we don’t have to keep seeing each other”

It feels like a weight is being lifted of your shoulders the longer you ramble. You can already picture it now; If things went well then both of you could talk it out like adults, Kaiser would take it in stride and leave your life. You would see him at some of your husband’s events, but by then all of this would be behind you both. Maybe he would even find his own partner. All of that comes crashing down when you finally look up, the look on his face scaring you into silence. A fine line appearing between his brows, his jaw clenched, fists wound so tight you think he’s about to punch someone.

“The fuck?”

He reaches you in three large steps, your wrist throbbing in anticipation of him grabbing you again, but he only gets in your face. The rage swirling around in his irises a lot easier to see from up close.

“What? So I should go fuck myself while you get to play house with that old bastard?”

“Michael.”

He shifts away from you, pacing the space in front of you with a tired hand running through his hair. The hand at his side is still clenched tightly, like he’s trying to stop himself from doing something stupid.

“This is what I get for doing you a favour. I fuck you a few times, and you think you can break up with me?”

The words of comfort you were prepared to tell him fly out of your mind, a deep sense of offence flooding through your veins in it’s stead.

“Why are you acting like thi-”

“In case you forgot..” He’s back in your face again, jabbing a sharp finger into your chest. “You’re the one who begged me to sleep with you. I can get anyone I want, why do you think you’re special?”

He leans away from you, glancing down at the bouquet still laying on the floor, ruined. You flinch without thinking when his foot rams into it, scattering the petals even further across your marble as he barks out a laugh, turning towards the door.

“You think that clown actually wants to kiss up to you? He’ll leave you and you’ll be back on your knees, begging me to take you back”

Much to your relief, he doesn’t say anything else. Stomping towards the door and slamming it so hard your teeth start rattling. The sound of his car starting up echoes through the silence of your home, fading into the distance until you’re finally left with your thoughts again. You don’t remember moving from that spot, but your legs manage to carry you to the couch, flopping down into the soft material as your headache comes back full force.

That went worse than you could’ve thought possible.

You drag a frustrated hand down your face; It was over now, but at what cost? The petals are spread far over the floor, making it harder for you to gather them all before your husband’s car parks in the driveway; The last one falling into the dustbin by the time he walks in through the door.

Time passes quicker when you’re not stressing over the last time Kaiser was in your home, shouting at the top of his lungs until his face turned red. Another two weeks flying by faster than you can process. It goes by relatively quietly; No texts, no calls, no impromptu visits. Though your husband did a good job of reminding you what happened, the first words out of his mouth when he came back from work were always interrogations about whether Kaiser had come back, and so far you’d managed to maintain the lie that he hadn’t, not since the day your husband had to step in himself.

It also helped that you were keeping yourself busy; With your husband’s reassurance, you started reaching out to old friends, making new ones at events outside of your husband’s workplace. You haven’t realised until now, how nice it is spending time with people that aren’t Kaiser. Even saying his name now makes you shiver. You have a lot more time for new hobbies, with one of your new friends inviting you to her book club, an activity you finally don’t have to force yourself to go to. It’s the most fun you’ve had in a while, the days you spent marinating in the loneliness of your home, riddled with self deprecating thoughts seem so far behind you now.

At some point, one of the ladies in your book club stops you at the door, still wiping away tears from the gossiping session you’d all just had. She spends a few minutes talking about the book she has planned for you next, though you can very clearly tell she’s leading up to something bigger. You perk up when she glances around, making sure the other ladies aren’t within earshot, before leaning in, beckoning you to do the same.

“I had a young man visit me yesterday, he came around asking about you. You didn’t tell me you knew someone that handsome!”

She smacks your arm playfully at that last word, not noticing the now ashen pallor of your face the longer she goes on. You barely needed to ask her to describe this fabled man, the image already planted in your head. She blabbers on; Striking blue eyes, platinum blonde hair, confident smile. Exactly what you didn’t want to hear. You drove home a little faster that day, looking in the rear view mirror every minute until you were parked at home, somehow still feeling watched.

It only goes down hill from there; You see him everywhere, your favourite restaurants, at parties with friends, weaved into private events you wouldn’t have expected him to get an invitation for. He’s always there, a different partner on his arm every time, smirking at you like he expected you to do something about it. Your unease clearly made him ecstatic, the way you couldn’t fully explain that unease to your friends only made his smirk widen, but he hated it when you ignored him. His heavy glare burning into the back of your neck, choking you without remorse, those sensations follow you everywhere you go.

The tension of it makes you uneasy, your soul practically jumping out of your body every time someone so much as touched you. You’ve started falling back into old habits little by little, favouring time in your empty house over going out with friends, the concerned messages racking up in your phone enough to make you cry.

And on the off chance you managed to bully yourself into going out the way you used it, the weird behaviour was even more noticeable. It started with a normal outing, a quick meal at a nice restaurant with friends; By the time you came back from the bathroom, a simple blue rose sits on your empty plate, the sight of it so upsetting it almost burns your skin.

“Did you see who put this here?”

Your friend’s head snaps up away from their phone, confusion creasing their expression.

“Put what where?” Their eyes finally catch the rose on your plate, even more confused than before. “I didn’t see anyone come by, I’m sorry”

They started appearing more often; Tucked into your usual chair at book club, placed gently on your dashboard like some romantic gesture. You’d seen enough of the sky tinted flowers for the next ten years.

Over the next few days, you noticed them coming closer to your home; Hidden deep in your mailbox, on your front doormat, in your kitchen cabinets only when it was your turn to cook dinner, one covered by the last outfit he’d bought for you, one you were just about to throw away.

Changing the locks doesn’t seem to do anything either, only frustrating you even more. Most recently, you found one burrowed deep into the bottom wood panelling of your underwear drawer, your breath coming in short bursts as you counted as many pieces as you could, three of them missing. Your husband held you for so long that night; Broad arms covering your shaking shoulders, muffling each sharp sob you let out as the cleaners flitted around your room, taking every item of clothing from their places before swiftly dumping them in the laundry room.

The blinding lights in your living room pierce through your skin, continuously stirring the pain lingering underneath your temple, bearing down on your slightly crouched form. The barely finished plate of food in your hands has long since grown cold, your struggles with eating still bothering you weeks after you’d started finding those roses. Your legs are placed carefully in your husband’s lap, his touch ghosting over your body like he’s scared you’ll waste away. He’s gone back to his old ways, sticking to your side while you spend most of your days curled in bed.

Through your downcast haze, the sound of your husband’s phone ringing echoes in your ears, shutting off just as quickly as it started up. You try not to eavesdrop, focusing your energy on the tiredness thrumming under your skin. But even without paying attention, the words “gala” and “everyone will be there” floats past your unwilling ears; The conflicted look on your husband’s face also tells you everything you need to know. He ends the call a minute later, letting out a heavy sigh that echoes through the silence of your home.

“Sorry that was work… we’re having another event. It’s tonight”

Your gaze drifts off into the distance, staring at the large expanse of sky fitted into your longer living room window. The canvas of late evening blues, oranges and slight pinks doing nothing to ease your growing fears.

“He’s going to be there, isn’t he?”

Your husband nods his head slowly, the hesitant action making it’s way into your peripheral vision.

“And let me guess.. your friends expect me to be there too?”

He doesn’t nod this time, the guilt plaguing his expression enough for you to guess the answer to your own question. You get up before he can say anything more, approaching the stairs while his gaze bores itself into your back; Each step weighs heavy on your back, as much as you wanted to stay at home, you’d rather get things over with now, no matter how tired you were. Your husband’s arm snake around your waist while you card through your wardrobe, looking for anything that’ll be simple enough to wear, his head finding it’s place in the crook of your neck.

“We don’t have to go, I can come up with an excuse..”

You pause only for a second, lifting an emerald green outfit off it’s hanger before placing it back.

“There’s no point, your friends are going to want me at the next gala, and the one after that, and the one after that. He’s always going to be there, he’ll make sure of that.”

You feel your husband sigh into your skin, letting his arms drop from their firm position around you as you finally pick a suitable outfit, laying it out carefully on the cushioned sheets of your bed. In your search to complete the rest of your outfit, you only turn back to your husband once, something in your eyes finally prompting him to move, getting ready with slow, languid movements.

…

Almost two hours later and both of you are finally in the car, gripping your husband’s hand so hard you’re surprised he hasn’t said anything yet. You’ve repeated it to yourself over and over, keeping the mantra steady in your mind as the car seems to speed up. You would attend the gala as your husband’s partner alone; Not as someone with something to hide. The car pulls up in front of the hotel a few minutes later, opening the door to a building higher than anything you’ve seen. The inside is even grander; Pale, towering pillars that reach all the way to the ceiling, lined up straight from the entrance, solid cream balconies hanging between each pillar.

Your attention snaps away from the main hall when you feel a light kiss on your cheek, looking up to see your husband staring down at you with the same comforting reassurance he’d shown you in the past few weeks, making your heart race with genuine happiness for the first time tonight.

“If you like it so much, I’ll book us a room here next week”

The smile on your husband’s face mirrors the wide one spread across yours, his body leaning into your space until you finally give in, reaching up to plant a long kiss on his cheek. Both of you stay in each other’s arms for a second later, the concern floating around in your husband’s eyes sending pin pricks of guilt straight to your heart. You smooth a hand down his face, rubbing his cheek with your thumb before he lets it go, taking your hand in his one last time before you step into the main ballroom.

The first hour goes better than you thought it would; Sticking to your husband’s side as he flits between groups, exchanging loud greetings and brief bits of conversation. Most people seem happy to see you again, or at least they look like they do, giving you sympathetic smiles, hoping your mental state was a lot better than it was a few weeks ago. At some point, your husband gets dragged into the ever growing crowd, flanked by slightly tipsy friends and co workers; You get scooped up too, by wives and girlfriends that had missed you so much, they barely manage to throw out short pleasantries before jumping into their usual monthly gossip.

A small part of your heart still beats frantically with anxiety, pumping the worry throughout your body, waiting for when he would walk in and ruin everything all over again. But with so many people surrounding you, your husband’s kind face still in view from across the hall, the fear in your veins settles a little, allowing you to laugh freely. Another two hours passes just like that; Passing around appetizers with friends, listening to them ramble on the way you were used to, reciprocating your husband’s concerned glances with careful smiles. Your eyes scan the smiling faces around you, crinkling up into another laugh before you see it, your heart dropping straight into the soles of your feet, hands trembling as the liquid in your glass nearly spills over.

Kaiser stands facing your husband, easy-going smile on his face as he shows off something you can’t decipher from where you are. Your husband’s broad back faces you, the tension in his shoulders radiating until it reaches you.

Your legs move faster than you thought possible in the outfit you’d chosen, mind racing with enough theories to make you dizzy. What was he showing your husband? Brief memories flow through your head, embarrassing times when you’d allowed Kaiser take pictures of you in different positions, too clouded with pleasure to tell him no. You manage to reach them in less than a minute, looping an arm through your husband’s while you try to catch your breath, flashing what you hope is a calm smile. Your pulse returns to normal, looking down at the device to see it’s just previous match footage, bodies blurring across the video almost taunting you for panicking so badly.

“Everything alright?”

A warm hand tilts your chin up until you’re looking up into your husband’s worried irises, his thumb smoothing it’s way down your face.

“Yeah.. just missed you”

It’s hard to ignore the burning stare coming from Kaiser’s direction, and when you finally meet his gaze, the knowing grin he gives you fills your body with an overwhelming rage. Why couldn’t he just leave you alone?

“Michael.” The tone in your husband’s voice makes both of your heads snap towards him. “We’ll talk about this later, excuse me”

You barely get to look back at Kaiser one last time before your husband is ushering you away, a gentle hand on the small of your back as both of you navigate through the hall. A heavy sigh crawls it’s way out of your mouth the second you’re far enough, your shoulder sagging like you’d just come back from a long day at work.

The flute you’d practically thrown aside when you ran to your husband is quickly replaced by a new one he gently places in your hand, red wine this time, the dark red liquid almost making you queasy. You can study Kaiser carefully from here, at least without running the risk of him noticing; Your gaze flits over his features, his slicked back hair that reminded you of the day things went downhill, the calm smile on his face, too calm, like he was planning something.

“Oh God..”

Your husband’s head turns in your direction, shuffling on his feet until both of your are pressed close together.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Look at his suit..”

You let your head fall into his chest, the panic that had finally settled down coming back full force, your temple thumping steadily as you felt a headache slowly approaching. Your husband stares into the crowd for a while, eyebrows creased in concentration, clearly trying to spot what you were seeing, you can’t believe you didn’t notice it before. Kaiser’s navy blue suit fits him perfectly, contrasting well with the light blue of his hair. You’d also picked out a deep blue outfit for the evening, not in the mood for your usual lighter colours, letting out a small smile as your husband vowed to wear cream just to match with you. Now, you managed to achieve the complete opposite, your husband’s high-contrast only alienating him from you and Kaiser, your royal blues the same colour down to every stitch.

Your husband turns back to you a minute later, understanding dawning on his features as the hand at your back rubs comforting circles into your skin. Against your wishes, a laugh finds it way out of your mouth, the shaky sound flowing faster than the tears that prick in your eyes.

“I almost want to change now..”

You think you mean it as a joke, but the situation still leaves a bad taste in your mouth. And to think you thought this event would actually go well for you.

…

Incidents like earlier keep happening to your husband; Pleasant conversations he’s supposed to be having with his friends are always interrupted when Kaiser weasels himself into each one, within the first five minutes. That smile is still plastered on his face; Wide, arrogant, like he knows something everyone else doesn’t. And technically he did. You can never make out what exactly he’s saying, why he’s laughing with your husband like anything about this situation is funny. From time to time you find him staring back at you, like he wants to tell you something, like he’s mourning the distance between you two.

Like the last few weeks never even happened.

You want to be normal about this, to go back to talking to your friends without looking over your shoulder every second, to walk around with your husband without having to fear the heaviest stare in the room directed at you at all times. It becomes too much for you only a few minutes later, your friend’s concerned faces sticking to your mind as you rush towards the hotel bathrooms. The cream marble tiles and light wooden panelling encompass your anxiety, swallowing your sobs before you can even get to the sink.

You’ve probably been in there for almost fifteen minutes now, your phone constantly vibrating where it sits on the sink, both calls and messages coming in at rapid speed. The buzzing is making your headache worse, steadily increasing in annoyance before you finally flip it over, switching it off and silencing it for just a few more minutes. You’d done more than enough tonight; You would walk out of this bathroom, take your husband aside and let him know you were leaving now no matter what. It feels like you’ll throw up if you stay in that hall any longer.

Your hasty trip back into the hall is interrupted by you bumping into what feels like a solid wall, your hands coming up to steady yourself against what you can now tell is someone’s chest. The apology you were about to utter dies in your throat the second you actually look up; Kaiser’s eerily warm gaze staring down at you, his hand sliding across your back until you push him away, his touch getting far too close for comfort. Your legs betray you in that moment, keeping you perfectly still when all you want to do is run home. Both of you stand there, silence flowing freely around your bodies as time seems to stop.

“I forgive you.”

Your head snaps up at that, the offended confusion clearly showing on your face with the small chuckle he lets out.

“…Excuse me?”

“The old man must’ve told you to end things, I know you wouldn’t do that to me on your own. This is his fault anyway. He’s not taking care of you properly.”

Your body decides to work then, moving around Kaiser with the kind of speed you should’ve used before he started with his bullshit. He doesn’t move to stop you, even shifting towards the wall a little to give you space. That irritates you more than anything else. You have so much you want to say to him, so many questions, so many curses you’re certain if you started talking now, everyone would hear you from the main hall. For now, you allow him one more look, the hatred buried deep in your glare enough to actually fracture his smile for a second, before it’s back, his lips moving to form words that you only compute when you’ve turned back to the hallway.

“You’re welcome.”

Your husband is standing by the end of the hallway, his body tensing up when you’re finally in front of him. It’s hard not to notice how miserable he looks up close, eyes glassy with the unshed tears glistening in them, the saddest you’ve seen him in a while. He flinches when you reach up to touch his cheek, shifting his weight until he’s a bit away from you.

“What’s wro-”

“Is it true..?”

He barks out a laugh at the confusion evident on your face, smoothing a frustrated hand over his hair before he starts fumbling with his phone. Your stomach plummets to the ground as he shoves the device in your face, shock replacing the confusion in your body while your shoulders start to shake. It’s a picture of you, ecstasy written across your features as Kaiser towers over you, your bodies tangled in the sheets of your marital bed.

“No.. it’s not what you-”

“Don’t.”

The tears are flowing freer now, staining your cheeks and the fabric of your outfit, your legs trembling beneath you like jelly. Trying to reach out to him only angers him more, the phone in his hands shattering at your feet, widening the distance between you two. He ignores the yelp you let out, flexing his fingers in an attempt not to punch the wall.

“It must’ve been fun. Watching me run around like a fool, trying to fix this marriage, and this is what you were doing.”

He doesn’t even let you respond, your blubbering sobs echoing through the hallway doing nothing to change his mind. You’re forced to watch him turn away, his back feeling colder than ever.

“My lawyer will be in touch.”

You don’t know how long you’ve been standing there; The lights in the hallway suddenly too bright, objects swimming past your vision too fast while the voices floating in from the main hall blur into a mindless ringing that plagues your ears for what feels like several hours. Your limbs are basically numb, a dull throb radiating through each nerve, barely keeping them alive. The pain settled in your heart is unlike any other, a heavy, constricting quiver that spreads out towards your lungs, making it harder to breathe.

A warm pair of arms snake their way around your shivering form, manhandling your body until you fall back into a solid chest. Locs of blonde to blue hair hang in the highest position of your peripheral, inching closer before something heavy falls into the crook of your neck. You were so busy watching your life crumble right before your very eyes, you’d assumed he left a long time ago. You’d forgotten Kaiser was even there.

“Don’t worry, liebling, we’ll get you a good lawyer”

He reaches up to touch your face, brushing the stray hairs away from your forehead. So gentle, as if he knows you’ll shatter at the slightest touch. You can’t find the energy to move away from him; Seven years of your life, gone, because of a mistake that barely lasted a year. A laugh forces it’s way out of your throat, hollow and bitter. You were doing a good job of making this all about you, you could only imagine how hurt your husband felt.

“Just let him have the house, you can come live with me, okay?”

Kaiser doesn’t seem to mind your silence, he’s seemingly revelling in it, punctuating every deranged word that flows out of his mouth with a small kiss to your skin. He takes your hand in his a moment later, holding onto it so hard you can see the skin start to bruise. That smile is still spread wide across his face, but there’s something different about it, something possessive. You let him drag you along with him, out of the hallway, back into the lobby, the fighting spirit you had earlier completely fizzled out. You let him take you because where else would you go? He’s clearly gone through so much just to take your life into his hands, your marriage, your peace, your sanity. You might as well let him claim his prize now.

You should have been getting ready to sleep, at least that’s the last thing you remember. There should also be someone with you, but their name, face or relation to you doesn’t spark at the front of your mind for several minutes. Right now, it feels like you’re laying on solid ground, nothing like the soft futon in your room that you’re used to, your back aching in protest.

As you gain more awareness of what you think is going on, you realise your body hurts all over. Your shoulders harbour a sore prick that you would only get from a long day of housework, the ground under your neck doing nothing to help the stiffness settled deep in it. The worst one is in your right leg, every other bout of pain feels like it came from a moment of inactivity, your leg feels like it’s shattered in three places. You would have tested your ability to use it if you could even lift the appendage, a heavy weight seated on it, only making the pain worse, as well as every other part of your body from your chest downwards.

It’s upsetting how uncomfortable you are right now.

Aside from the weight drowning out the feeling in your limbs, you can hear something moving around you, or someone. The wind is doing a great job of trying to disorient you too, it’s aggressive whipping making the trees rustle louder than usual, but you can still hear it.

The now unnerving sound of dirt being shovelled, before it’s flung somewhere else, the timing of each throw lining up with the heavy feeling on your chest getting worse. A few grunts punctuate each shovel, the pitch of each noise reminding you of your husband. Right.. Sanemi should be here with you too, both of you were winding down for bed before this.

That’s when it finally comes back to you. Brief flashes that linger behind your eyelids, giving you an even bigger headache. It’s not hard to make sense of what you’re looking at; You and Sanemi yelling at each other, probably over something small you brought up, getting more and more heated until his arm snaps outwards in your direction. The memory cuts off there. The fighting wasn’t unusual to you, life had been getting unbearable in that house.. But what had happened afterwards?

Your eyelids creak open against your will, letting in more light than you can handle at a time. It takes a few more blinks before your eyes are finally open, a perfect view of the moon being the first thing to grace your vision. It hangs high in the sky, the ring of pale blue light it emits spreading over the thick clouds surrounding it.

You haven’t seen a full moon in a while, you almost want to reach out and touch it, or you would’ve if your hands weren’t trapped on your chest. The moonlight shines down on what’s above you too, finally bringing your attention to the oval shaped hole a few feet above you, blades of grass swaying over the intrusion. You don’t know how you didn’t notice it before.

It’s difficult trying to move your head around to get a good look at what’s going on, but even without that it’s easy to spot the two solid earth walls trapping you in. Everything starts clicking in your head all at once; The dirt covering your body, the hole you’re currently sitting on, the only person on the outside heaping more dirt on you. The realisation makes your chest tight, your breath coming in shallow rasps as your vision starts to swim.

You’re being buried alive.

“Hello? Hello?! Is anyone there? Please I need help..”

The walls of what’s apparently your own grave feel like they’re closing in on you, squeezing your body tighter until you think your bones are going to crack. You know someone’s there, you can see their hands every time their shovel dumps more dirt on your body. Why they would be doing this to you, you’re not sure, but if they can hear you screaming for help then they have to do something.

“Please, I know you can hear me! I’m alive!”

For a split second you begin to worry if you should even be doing this; If the only person around is the one trying to bury you, what if they actually want you dead? What if they tried to kill you, failed, and then you alerting them would just convince the person to finish the job? Fear quickly replaces the panic coursing through your veins, locking your limbs tighter than you thought possible. Your thoughts start to scramble, cycling through all the different ways this situation could get even worse until your head starts to ache again.

By some miracle, the dirt stops coming, lightening the knot in your chest by just a little. You sit in the hole with bated breath, awaiting the fate your executioner would decide. Bit by bit, you watch as the person’s head sticks out over the hole, your eyes widening with every familiar feature that registers in your mind. Wide, light amethyst eyes stare down at you, short white locs frame a delicately miserable expression, one that contrasts it’s owner’s face full of scars. It’s your husband. With a shovel in his hand and a conflicted expression you’ve never seen on him before.

Relief floods through every inch of your body before it fades to rage; What the hell was he thinking digging you into a hole while you slept? Your husband was strange sometimes, but not odd enough for this kind of behaviour. For now, you let the solace ease it’s way into your features, spreading your mouth into what you hope is a calm smile.

“Thank god ‘Nemi its you… You scared me! Please just get me out of here, I feel like I can’t breathe”

The smile on your face melts off with every second Sanemi just stares at you, as if he’s seen a demon. Your tongue instinctively shoots around your mouth, no sharp teeth, you can’t move your hands that much but you’re certain your nails are still at a reasonable length. Then why does he look so scared? If anything, you should be the one looking at him like that. Your frantic thoughts fade away when you finally hear him speak, a scarred hand hanging over his mouth as he mutters to himself, refusing to look you in the eye.

“Fuck.. I’m already losing my mind.”

That’s all he says to you before he’s shovelling faster than ever, each handful of dirt deepening your anxiety even more. He’s clearly nervous as well, something about this situation scaring your husband so much he’s no longer acting like himself. You should be patient with him, gentle so you can get enough answers to get the both of you out of here and safe back home. But repeating that over and over in your head does nothing to quiet the anger simmering beneath your skin.

“Yeah, you must be out of your damn mind if you’re actually being serious! What the hell are you doing this for?! If you don’t get me out of this hole, Sanemi Shinazugawa I swear to-”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” He’s stopped again, planting the shovel’s head in the grass beside him, somehow managing to look hurt and annoyed at the same time. “ ‘M trying to give you a proper burial”

A heavy silence envelops both of you after that, the wind flowing freely around him, rustling his hair before it graces the earth surrounding you. Your anger gives way to a deep sense of confusion. It’s obvious by the look on your husband’s face, he’s being serious, he genuinely thinks you’re dead. Obviously you’re not. Even with how disoriented you still feel, you know you’re not.

You can smell the dirt around you, can feel it clinging to every inch of your skin, grains mixing into your hair, sneaking under your light kimono; The dull ache spreading across your heart, seeing how much of this is affecting him. You can feel it all, no problem, just like any living person. You just have to convince him of that, that he’s not talking to your dead body, or a ghost. The sound of dirt being dug up and flung reverberates in your ears once more, while you try to take as many breaths as you can without ingesting any of it.

“Well.. would I be talking to you like this if I was dead?”

You watch his back straighten, turning his head until he’s staring at you again. It looks like he’s thinking it over, for about ten seconds before he goes back to his task.

“No, but maybe that’s my mind trying to trick me…”

Your stomach drops a little further into your body when you hear that, the pile of filth stacking higher until it’s now reaching your neck. For a long time now, you’ve always loved how head strong your husband was. You loved it the first few months he started courting you, always stopping by your home even against your father’s insistence. You loved that about him when you started fighting more often, when he would refuse to leave you alone no matter how pissed you got. But now, it only seemed to be working against you.

How do you convince someone so stubborn that you’re not actually dead? Clearly it’s going to take a lot more talking to get him to stop. You have to think of something. It’s only been a few minutes, but with the increasing pressure on your chest, you might as well have been sitting there for hours now. A few more moments of silence pass before you finally open your mouth, praying in your head to whoever would hear you that this would work.

“… Ask me something.”

You must still have an effect on him, ghost or not, your words making him pause again as he stares down at you, head tilted towards the grave as if waiting for you to speak again. This was your chance.

“If you really think I’m some spirit trying to haunt you, then ask me something only we would know. If I don’t answer properly then..”

The remaining words lodge themselves in your throat, you didn’t want to say it out loud, make it look like you were conceding to the ludicrous idea, but you said enough to make him consider it. A small part of you knows the idea is bullshit, you don’t even know how you came up with it, but it worked in your favour anyway. The two of you have been married for two years now, going on three, you’ve been through everything a married couple possibly could, and more. At this point, there was nothing about Sanemi he could ask that you wouldn’t be able to answer.

You snap out of your thoughts when you hear him sigh, a hand dragging across his tired face before it smooths over his hair. Even under the dirt, your fingers twitch, the temptation to reach up and run your hand through them slowly picking at your psyche.

“The last argument we had.. what did we fight about?”

…

Blank.

Your mind is completely blank.

This moment seems to be training your poker face, the panic swirling around in your veins, making your body twitch hasn’t shown on your face yet, at least Sanemi hasn’t noticed yet. He’s still looking at you, expectantly, like he actually wants you to answer right so he can scoop you out of this cramped hell and take you home. But you can’t even begin to think of an answer. Every other fight you’ve ever had cycles through your head; The ones you had every time he came home late from each mission, the ones he started because you were nagging him too much, the ones you started because of small, insignificant things you wish you could take back now.

But the fight you just had earlier that night?

Nothing.

The quiet hovering over both of you feels more and more suffocating the longer you sit there, your heart constricting painfully as you’re forced to watch the hopeful light leave your husband’s eyes. You wish you could give him an answer, say some magic phrase that would quell his doubts, make him listen, but you remain silent. A small part of your heart breaks when you hear him scoff, before turning his attention back to digging your grave.

“Knew it..”

It takes less than a few seconds for you to get upset again, your temper had become just as bad as your husband’s only a year after you two got married. You wait for him to face you when he turns to dump more dirt on your form, glaring at him with all the exhaustion left in your soul

“What kind of stupid question was that?!”

“It was a reasonable one.” He stops to glare back at you too, pointing an accusatory finger at your grave. “One you couldn’t answer”

“Okay, ask me another one”

“No.”

He doesn’t look at you long enough to see the deep frown sweeping across your features. You were right, it wasn’t fair. Clearly something bad happened to you to cause the lapse in your memory, and Sanemi must know what exactly, but he’s refusing to give you an out.

“We fight every week! How am I supposed to remember what all of them were about?”

You’re rambling now, your sentences getting louder and more confusing the longer you go on, the higher the pile of dirt resting over your chest gets. If he wouldn’t listen to you then you could at least get the pleasure of talking his ear off one last time. The thought finally makes you stop. You were already changing the way you thought, as if you believed your husband would actually bury you alive, like this was the end. Something about that sounds poetic, but thinking about it just leaves this hopeless feeling settled in your chest.

“..Will you even miss me?”

The tone in your voice makes you cringe, your words coming out as a tired drawl that betrays how upset you are. Your throat feels like it’s closing up, pressure coming from both the inside and out. Sanemi doesn’t look up from where he’s working, but you can still see the way his eyes crinkle into a forlorn look that goes straight to your heart.

“Course I will, I already do.. more than you know”

“I’m not dead yet, you idiot”

Sanemi doesn’t respond this time, humming absentmindedly at your remark before he’s back to digging. You’re getting more and more tired the longer this goes on, the moon only rising higher in the sky as the night passes you by. Each handful of dirt somehow makes you sleepier, your eyelids closing against your body’s will. Maybe that’s you finally accepting your fate. But even as your eyes flutter shut, a small part of you is still thinking of what you can say to your husband, anything else you can use to stall for time. The action makes you frown, drawing your eyebrows together in concentration as you’re left with the sounds around you.

It almost helps you concentrate better; The rhythmic pace your husband has reached with his digging, the tired sighs he lets out from time to time. You reckon he’s been shovelling for a while now, though it would be easier to comfort him if you weren’t trapped under the ground.

A few more seconds pass before the sounds fade out, your eyes finally snapping open when they stop completely. Sanemi’s staring down at you now, watching you as if he’s trying to figure you out, or like he’s scared you’ll jump out of the grave and jump him. The words are on the tip of your tongue when he beats you to it.

“What’cha thinking about?”

The question actually makes you pause. You’re surprised he spoke to your first, considering the fact he clearly thought you were some vengeful spirit, you assumed he would only respond if you spoke to him first. Maybe you were finally getting to him.

“I’m thinking of a way to get through that thick skull of yours, that’s what I’m doing”

Against all odds, your husband still seems to appreciate your sense of humour. The moon’s pale haze highlighting the small smirk that spreads across his features, growing wider until he finally barks out a laugh, the sound so familiar it makes you want to laugh along with him.

“Yeah? Looks like you’re trying to take a shit”

You take it back. The slight smile on your face immediately fades into a frown as you glare up at his form casting a shadow over your grave, he’s still laughing at you. In that moment, you really wish you could move your arms, a swift handful of dirt to his face would’ve wiped the smirk off it real quick. And maybe he would’ve gotten angry enough to drag you out of that hole and yell at you if he wanted, you wouldn’t even mind, anything would be better than this.

The moment seems to last longer that you thought it would, both of you staring deeper into each other’s eyes with every second that rushes by. Over the years, Sanemi had gotten better at predicting what you wanted just by looking at you, he used to make fun of you for it, said you were “too easy to read”. Something in you hopes the look on your face is still as obvious, maybe he can actually read your mind with how hard he’s staring.

“Can I at least know why you think I’m dead? I deserve that much..”

Another last ditch effort, but you’ve reached a point where you’ll give what you can manage. If you ask enough sad questions, maybe he’ll feel bad once he’s done burying you. Or if you’re lucky enough, you might come back as an actual spirit and haunt him till he dies. Just like the last fifty questions you’ve asked him, this one makes him pause. He wasn’t digging anyway, but he still stops moving just to think. You watch as he squats down right in front of the hole, that miserable look back on his face, you want to tell him it looks like he’s swallowed a whole lemon just to get back at him, but you eventually decide against it.

Even with everything you’ve seen tonight, your husband’s still as beautiful as ever. It’s almost refreshing to see anything but anger flooding his features, though it would’ve been better in any other situation. Thinking back on it now, that’s something you’ve fought with him over. How difficult he is all the time, even when it’s only the two of you; You’ve spent so much time over the years, trying to convince him he can talk to you, be vulnerable with you if he needs to. The thought almost makes you laugh, he’s only showing this side of him because he thinks you’re already gone.

“We got into another fight..”

“As per usual.”

He huffs out a laugh, placing his chin in the palm of his hand. “Yeah, this one was really bad though. I don’t even know how it started..”

You probably had an idea, everyday felt like you kept getting shorter with Sanemi; Snapping at him over the stupidest things, coming up with random issues so you could yell at him. Your limbs stiffen as shame takes over you. Back then, you thought you knew what you were doing, if you antagonised him enough then maybe both of you would get into a fight so bad he would finally open up to you afterwards. The idea was dumb, but you stuck to your guns with it.

According to Sanemi, things kept getting worse, every time it looked like the argument was simmering down, one of you would bring up something else, adding fuel to the fire. It was so bad, both of you completely forgot about sleep, shouting all over the second floor of your house. You remember that much, the visions you saw earlier now replaying in your head.

“You kept getting louder and louder, I just wanted you to shut up..”

This is where your memory of that fight cut off, but it’s still sharp in your mind. The speed at which his hand shot out at you, it’s impact to your shoulder.. It almost feels like it’s still throbbing, as if the appendage itself remembers what happened. It’s obvious what happened, but Sanemi still fills in the blanks for you; His hand pushing against your body, the force behind it too much for you to handle… of course you fell down. You almost want to laugh at how coincidental it was. Somehow, your argument had taken both of you to the front of your stairs, so when Sanemi pushed you, your body had gone tumbling down the whole length.

“I didn’t think I pushed you that hard but.. the way you fell back, the.. sound your body made. I swear I heard your neck snap.. you didn’t move for like ten minutes”

Under all the dirt, your leg still throbs in protest, the pressure building over it making the fiery pain burn hotter. That must be it, your leg must’ve taken the brunt of the fall, but if Sanemi didn’t look properly.. then it’s no wonder he thought you had died. The story ends in another sigh from your husband, before he links back to where you are now.

“This is the last thing I can do for you.”

He’s picking the shovel back up now, doing everything he can to avoid confronting the heartbreak swirling around in your pupils.

“I’m.. sorry.”

The pile of rubble is touching your chin now, every bit added to it making it inch closer and close until you can almost taste it. It’s getting harder to breathe, the thought of how painful this is going to be crowding your thoughts. You almost wish you had died on those stairs, at least you wouldn’t have to deal with this; This slow, agonising descent into the afterlife, as the earth steals every ounce of oxygen you have, until your body is actually a lifeless corpse.

“Are you actually giving up like that..? You said it yourself.. you might be losing your mind. What if you’re wrong? If I’m still alive?”

“I’d rather you were dead. It’s easier for me to grieve than confront what I’ve done to you..”

That carves a gash into your heart. You wanted him to get angry and help you, not admit to wanting you dead. Aside from that, the provocation doesn’t do much, his steady shovelling barely losing any momentum at all. He doesn’t turn to face you either, the hold you previously had over him fading before your very eyes with every bit he throws over you.

“..Plus, I can’t imagine you’d want to stay with me after all this… if you’re alive, I don’t think I’d be able to handle that”

“But that’s my decision to make, isn’t it?” It’s a struggle to keep your voice calm now, you can finally move enough to tilt your head back, away from the rubble, but it only buys you a few seconds. “I’ve stayed with you all these years, what would change my mind now?”

“First off..” He’s finally facing you now. “Being a dick to you all the time isn’t the same as burying my own partner’s body.”

You have to admit he has a point but you don’t need him using reason when you’re trying to get him not to kill you.

“Second of all.. maybe you’re just dumb for sticking it out this long.”

Under different circumstances, you would’ve had the space to actually be offended. If you were in a really bad mood, maybe you could’ve started another fight over this. But you’re still quite unlucky, the dirt now caressing your lower lip. The only solace you have is a few more seconds added onto your lifeline, the speed at which the dirt is piling up steadily decreasing. He’s hesitant now. This could be it.

“The reason we fought..” You wait until you can see his face again, anticipation hiding behind the pain in his eyes. “I thought you didn’t care about me.. that’s why I started it.”

Sanemi let’s the quiet wash over your declaration, surprise evident on his face while he just nods, turning back to his shovel without a word. Now he’s really starting to irritate you.

“Then I was right. You don’t care”

That finally does something. Your body jumps a little with how fast Sanemi turns back around, but still, you did something, because that stupid, miserable look of his is gone now. Replaced with the one you’re used to seeing on him. He’s pissed.

“You know like hell that’s not-”

“No! I don’t!” You’re getting as loud as you can muster now, wheezing out each syllable before the dirt takes that from you too. “All I know is that my husband is trying to bury me alive, because he’s too much of a coward to face me head on.”

“You said as much, it’s easier to do this rather that face your own issues.”

It’s almost hilarious, the irony of it settling underneath the anger in your bones. Even in the face of death, in your literal grave, you’ve still made time to argue with this man. With this stupid man that you agreed to marry. Maybe you were built for this, created so the two of you could meet and drag each other’s souls down until the day you both die. You’d thought of it a few times over the past few years, what if you were with someone else? Would your life still turn out like this? You never dwelled on it for too long, and even now you don’t want to. A big part of you is exactly where you want to be.

“Of course I care about you! I care about you more than you can understand.. which is why you’re so irritating! You never try to understand”

“Then prove it to me!” Both of you are breathing hard, the tension hacking away at the air enough to almost choke you.

“Prove it to me by helping me understand, by thinking for a second, that maybe I’m just trying to navigate my marriage with an emotionally constipated man child who refuses to shut up! Prove it by getting me the fuck out of this grave, so we can talk about it… properly this time.”

The fight drains out of you just as quickly as it arrived, every bone in your body aches too much for you to be shouting like this, but you refuse to stop. Backing down is not part of who you are, you would fight and dig your way out of this grave the same way you were willing to do for your marriage. And Sanemi can see that, he can see it with the leftover fire burning in your eyes, the way he always has. You watch your husband sigh for the hundredth time that night, if his hair wasn’t completely white then you’re certain you would’ve been spotting bits of grey hairs by now.

“You’re so annoying, you know that right?”

It’s your turn to laugh, a mirthful smile spreading across your features.

“Yeah? I could say the same to you.. plus you’re the one who asked to marry me. You’ll deal with it.”

Silence follows your conversation once more, a lot longer than the previous ones, but this one feels calmer, like you can actually breathe for the first time today. Minutes pass before one of you finally makes a move, your husband reaching down until he’s squatting above you again. In one swift motion, he reaches deep into the dirt, fishing around until he takes hold of your arm, before dragging you up and out of the hole, much to your shoulder’s dismay. Your leg is still in shambles, but the feeling eases the moment Sanemi snakes an arm around your waist, steadying you.

You let him get a feel for you, his rough hand gliding across your face in a motion that immediately makes you melt into him. He still looks lost, like he’s still trying to wrap his head around the fact that this just happened. You’re a lot more upset than confused, but for now you just feel like laughing. You could get angry at him later.

“So.. do I look like a ghost now?”

Soft light filters in from the window in the kitchen beside you, warming your hands as they fuss over the food in front of you. The sun’s just starting to set, radiating it’s hues of orange, yellow and pink across the floor of your home. This weather perfectly suits your mood, just enough sunlight to not leave you stumbling around in the dark, with enough wind to keep you cool despite the sunlight. A tired sigh crawls out from between your lips before you can stop it, the weight of today’s chores finally settling on your shoulders, and there’s still a lot for you to do tomorrow.

You’re too busy complaining to yourself to notice anything else, until a firm pair of arms wrap around your waist, caging your back to the chest of it’s owner. Sanemi places his head in the crook of your neck, pressing light pecks into your skin. You humour him for a few minutes, before chasing him away, the sweat from his body sneaking onto your own clothes as well.

The events of that night feel so far away to you now, the month after you emerged from that grave passing by relatively quickly. Both of you spend a lot more time together; When you have the time, you sit by the courtyard and watch him train. Sometimes, he sits in the kitchen with you just to polish his sword while you work. You do a lot of talking too, about your day’s, your feelings, your issues, anything to chase away the resentment you knew would fester if you both fell into old habits.

Things aren’t always perfect though. You still have your moments, insignificant things that turn into huge arguments the second you open your mouth. But you’re more aware now, careful with your words. Every argument ends because you want to find a solution, not because you’ve run out of insults. Sanemi’s adopted a bit of your new attitude too. He’s become quieter, at least around you, you can’t speak for how he acts outside the house, but who really cares?

It’s also extremely obvious how aware your husband is of his strength now, his hands remain by his side no matter how loud both of you get. He always ends up looking like a mannequin, the sight so ridiculous it makes you laugh so hard, the fight drains out of you immediately. Some days are better than others; Sometimes he wants to talk until the sun sets, other times he’s ready to lock up his feelings and hide away in your room. You’re always trailing behind him now, just so he knows you’re still there. You’ll bury your problems together, and unearth them again when you’re ready.

You can’t imagine wandering around in this hot weather in a full length suit. It would be even more embarrassing to go on vacation dressed like you’re there for a business meeting. The back of the beach house comes into view the longer you drive, it’s tall, white and brown exterior sending a jolt of relief up your spine, your foot pressing down on the accelerator instinctively just so you’ll get there faster.

You’d been spending too much time at the office; Hunched over projects you weren’t being paid to take over, covering for slackers in your team too many times to count, taking up so much overtime you had barely seen your apartment in a whole week. You needed the break. It didn’t take much either, a bit of motivation from your family, about two-thirds of your savings for this month and you had the confirmation email for a beach house by the ocean, the one you were parking in front of now. The front of it is huge. A large wooden deck grows a few inches off the house, with a sleek pair of stairs sitting on the side of it, leading you down to the clearest stretch of water you’ve ever seen. You snap a quick picture from the front door, taking a mental note to explore more of it later.

Inside the house is even bigger; Light marble floors, soft expensive rugs that seem to drag you in the second you place your feet on them, floor to ceiling windows and rooms big enough to fit ten people in each one. Makes you wonder why the rental had so little reviews on the app you used, you almost thought it was a scam. But now, that’s not really your main concern.

It takes you exactly two hours to load your things out of the car and put them away in the house, what you previously thought was ‘too many clothes to bring’ suddenly doesn’t even fit into a quarter of the closet. The four measly pairs of shoes you have lined up at the bottom make it feel like you’re bunking at a friends place. The only problem with the house is it’s empty fridge, not quite empty, but it’s filled with raw ingredients the landlord clearly had leftover. Packaged meat, fish, water, a few fruits that were almost past their ‘best before’ date. The cupboards had a few spices, but no rice or pasta. The kitchen would have been better off completely empty. At least you could explore the beach now.

…

Everything in this place seems to take your breath away, streaks of oranges, yellows and pinks weave together into a stunning image, the sun just peeking over the glittering water below, spreading it’s warm light across your face and body. Even the picture on your phone doesn’t do it justice. The sand feels warm under your sandals, the wind whipping through your clothes and hair so fast you almost want to let it blow you away. Your feet are an inch away from the waves, the temptation to wade through prompting you to fumble with the straps of your slippers until you look up at the ocean again.

There’s something in the water; A polished, light brown triangle that seems to shimmer in the sunlight, gliding through the waves with a curved edge that breaks the surface. The water parting to reveal it attached to an even smoother body.

It’s a shark’s fin.

Panic grips you for a second before you realise you’re still on land, which doesn’t ease all of your anxiety, but still. You barely knew anything about sharks, but enough to know that many of their species wouldn’t swim this close to the surface, especially to what’s essentially a residential area.

“Could be a lemon shark..” You find yourself whispering into the open air.

It was either that or some other relatively friendly species that wouldn’t mind being near people. A small part of you hopes it is; You haven’t seen a shark up close since the last time your mother had taken you to an aquarium, when you were still young enough to have time to fixate on them. You remember how long it took for her to get you to leave the display tanks, your tiny face plastered to the glass watching gills and rows of teeth float by until your eyes nearly fell out of your head.

The fin continues drifting around a few feet away from you, lazy circles in the water that would’ve looked predatory to anyone else, but seemed curious to you, like the animal was trying to sniff you out from it’s space beneath the surface. You watch it swim around a little longer, until it eventually retreats into the water, the sky now fading into a deeper shade of blue. It’s closer to five in the evening by the time you wander back into the house, your phone now filled with enough pictures to post the next two months.

You never stop looking out the window, out at the ocean for any sign the shark was coming back, even when you order dinner, the glittery waves are still stuck in your peripheral. Maybe you could find a place to rent scuba gear, get to see the animal up close. You would find out tomorrow.

Waking up to soft, lightweight sheets under you and no early morning meetings brings a relief unlike any other. The wind gently rustles your curtains, barely covering the sound of the waves crashing right below your balcony. The combination of noises is exactly what you need, already lulling you right back to sleep as you groggily roll onto your side, your eyelids halfway over your eyes before a slight cramp in your stomach makes them shoot right back open. The sound reaches your ears a few seconds later, quiet but still loud enough.

You really don’t want to get out of bed this early, the time on your phone showing you five minutes past eight just rubbing salt into the wound. But by the time you hear the fourth grumble, a more painful one this time, your body finally manages to drag itself out of bed. You’re going to have to order food again this morning. From what you can see, the nearest supermarket is about an hour away, and you’re not prepared to make that drive just to come back and start cooking again. You’d probably faint by then.

Scrolling through your phone only makes you hungrier and more irritated by the second, seeing all this food you can’t have because you’re in the middle of nowhere, a nice nowhere, and all the available places aren’t open yet. You’re still scrolling by the time you flop over your new kitchen island counter, head placed carefully on the white marble while your attention starts to stray elsewhere; Out the window, over the sand and across the ocean’s surface until you find something… pink?

There’s someone in the water.

That snaps you out of your reverie extremely quick, the shark sighting from yesterday flashing through your head while your face presses against the glass. It looks like a child from where you are, though you can’t exactly see much, the person’s face from the eyes up are the only things you can see. Shaggy pink hair and even brighter pink eyes stand out to you against the light blue sea, eyes that remain stuck on you.

You’re down the stairs in less than two minutes, almost falling face first into the sand by the time you get down. One of your slippers has flown off your feet but you barely react, your only focus on the person still floating under the water, who’s now moved a few inches back, in shock or fear you can’t tell.

“Hey! Hey get out of the water!”

The person doesn’t move an inch, still staring at you with this dazed, curious look that’s starting to unnerve you. It only occurs to you that they might not be able to hear you when they still don’t react to your further shouting. You’re going to have to drag them out yourself. Your other slipper goes flying in the same direction as the first before you start wading through the water, getting slower and slower until it’s reaching above your knees now. The boy, or at least you think it’s a boy, lifts his head until you can see his face now. First thing you notice is the beige facial crest that curves over his eyes and points down to his smooth nose.

“Hey.. are you okay? Let’s get out of the water, hm? It’s dangerous out here..”

Your frantic waddling slows down to a gentle shuffle, your hand stretched out far enough to bridge the gap between the boy and you, your voice is so soft you’re surprised you can hear yourself over the water moving both of you back and forth. A slight tremor passes through your limbs, your legs almost freezing in place the longer you stand here but you can see something softening in his gaze.

The boy’s head shifts closer to you, his eyes flicking briefly to your hand before you feel something wet fall into it. Looking down reveals a light brown palm, with webs in between each finger and nails sharp enough to draw blood. A scream tears it’s way out of your mouth before you can think about it, scaring both you and him, who flees a second later, pushing you backwards and splashing water all over your clothes.

“Shit.. wait!”

But the boy’s already gone, leaving you sitting on your ass like an idiot, drenched in sea water and shivering. Some of the water may have splashed in your face, but you swear you saw a tail flick at you as he left, it was too big for you to miss. You don’t know how long you’ve been sitting there confused, but your clothes are completely soaked through, the thin material sticking to your skin like glue.

And you’re still hungry.

The walk back to get your slippers is more embarrassing than how fast you rushed down to get here in the first place, you would’ve sought solace in how dry they were but the sand sticking to your wet feet immediately dispels that. You’re still conflicted when the main door shuts behind you, questions twisting all around in your mind while you try to wrap your head around this.

The boy looked human enough, but his hands, his face… the tail you saw, he had to have been some kind of mermaid. Even thinking about it makes you feel crazy, but you know what you saw. Looking out the window one more time doesn’t do anything, the still water staring back as if to taunt you. After how loud you’d screamed, you can’t imagine the poor thing would come back. But you could find out tomorrow, you had to at this point. Curiosity would not let you rest.

The boy’s there again.

A quick look outside your balcony the minute you wake up tells you all you need to know. He’s floating relatively close to where he was yesterday, but further away from where you met him, most likely because of the scene you made. But at least he’s still there. And this time, you’re prepared. You didn’t think you would be using your new swim suit like this but you can’t complain, you put on better slippers this time, not the soft lounge ones you already managed to ruin yesterday.

In between each morning task completed, you glance towards the window to see he’s still there, gaze stationed on your balcony, head slightly lifted so he’s actually looking up at you. It’s almost cute, makes you feel even worse for scaring him off yesterday. You owed him an apology, if he could even understand it, and a treat once you found out what kind of shark he was specifically. Seeing him in the water also reminds you of the diving gear you promised to find, now pissed you didn’t make as much of an effort as you should have. It would’ve been better to see him up close under water as well.

You trudge down the front stairs, slowly this time, making sure to take off your slippers carefully instead of flinging them to the wind when you reach the sea’s edge. It’s easier to wade into the water when you aren’t worried about ruining your clothes, and you’re glad you thought to wear some swimwear. Now he’s so far out, the water’s reaching the middle of your stomach.

Just as you’d expect, the boy shifts even further away when you get close enough. You don’t follow him this time, if you did you’d practically be swimming, and you’re not sure if you could communicate properly while trying to keep yourself afloat.

“..I’m sorry for scaring you yesterday, I was just.. surprised.”

You watch him lift his head higher out of the water, before tilting it at a slight angle that seems to mean he’s listening, or you hope he is. He doesn’t flinch this time when you stretch your arm towards him again.

“I promise not to scream this time..”

It takes a few seconds of staring, which you use to study the light yellow of the sun reflecting in his pink irises, before he places his hand in yours, gentle at first until he eventually relaxes. You run your thumb over the smooth scales, shooting him a reassuring smile that he returns tenfold, rows and rows of sharp teeth instantly looks less scary in the silly, awkward smile he gives you.

“Wait.. can you actually understand me?”

You watch him tilt his head again, pondering for a few moments before he nods his head frantically, rippling the water around him. That sets you off. You spit out question after question; What species is he? What does he eat? Are there other hybrids like him? It takes you a while to realise you’re scaring him again, his hand slipping out of yours with every word that comes out of your mouth. One more apology from you, and you manage to dial it back a little.

“Then, can I see your tail.. please?”

The curious gleam in your eyes must’ve appealed to him, because he dives into the ocean a second later, flicking water at you while he circles your legs, letting you glide your hands over the smooth, sand coloured tail. It’s beautiful. You don’t even realise you’re giggling until you see the boy staring at you with this awe struck look that makes you laugh even harder.

You don’t even know if he can speak yet, but you want to ask him so much more, want to get to know everything about him. Your next question is on the tip of your tongue when you watch his head snap to the expanse of ocean behind him, body completely still as if he heard something.

Before you can ask if everything’s alright, he’s already diving back into the water, swimming away faster than you can blink. Just like yesterday, he’s left you floating in the sea with more questions than answers.. but at least you got to apologise. Today’s meeting was way less frantic than the last.

“Should’ve asked for his name..”

You still don’t know what kind of shark he is. You’d been so focused on the fact that he seemed to trust you again, so happy that you hadn’t looked for any spots or marks that could’ve told you anything. Ten minutes pass with your body laid flat against your room’s carpet, the soft material doing nothing to help jog your memory of yesterday. You almost want to smack yourself over the head for spending more time laughing and giggling like a fool.

A simple search would have solved all of your issues if you had even half of what the results told you; Crustaceans, molluscs, marine mammals, other sharks.. all you have is unopened salmon and a dream. You’re certain he would probably prefer fresh fish over your processed nonsense, but it would have to do, you’d go shopping tomorrow when you had more time.

You’re still standing in your kitchen, finger pressed to your chin as you wonder whether or not to cook the fish, when a pink blob finds it’s way into your peripheral. The kitchen window gives you a perfect view of the boy, you really need to find out his name, sitting in the water, flailing his left arm like he’s trying to hail a taxi. He’s closer to the sand now, close enough for you to see the rest of him, the fin on his tail sticking out amongst the heap of blues.

Clearly, you’ve wasted enough time already, so raw fish it is. You manage to grab the salmon and a knife, heading down the stairs for the third time in a few seconds. The boy looks pleased to see you, a little curiosity seeping into his expression when he finally notices what’s in your hand.

“I don’t think I can come into the water this time.. wanna come sit by me today?”

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel bad, asking him to come out of his comfort zone like this, but thinking of how you’ll manage to cut and de-bone two salmon cutlets while you float in the sea gives you a headache. The boy doesn’t seem to mind, and even if he does, he doesn’t show it. His only focus on shuffling his body until he’s an inch away from your legs, flopping his head down on the space beside you.

He’s a lot bigger than you thought, though you’re certain the tail adds a few inches onto his height. But you can see him a lot better now; Several caramel coloured fins sticking out of his back and joints, gills peeking out at the sides of his neck, the small pink braid he’s currently playing with while he watches you work. You were right the first time, he really is beautiful.

“Here.. it’s not the freshest, but it’s still good. I’ll get you something better next time.”

Your words barely seem to register, with him eating the slice of salmon straight out of your hands. He chews on it for a few seconds, before licking his lips and sticking his hand back in your face.

“It’s good, good..”

Those are the first words he’s ever said to you.

“Really? Then I’ll definitely buy you more”

It almost seems like he’s eating faster with every bit you give him, both cutlets gone in seconds. But you got something out of it, at least now you knew he could speak, and you could understand him too. It doesn’t take much to get him to open up further, and you finally learn the boy’s name after three days, Kurona, or at least that’s what he spells out in the sand.

Your conversation flows easier from there; You tell him about your life, your high paced job, anything you can think of just to keep him there. But with a bunch of fish in his stomach, it’s clear Kurona’s about to fall asleep, though to his credit, he manages to look like he’s still listening. At least until your stomach starts to growl.

Somehow, in your effort to feed him first, you forgot to eat breakfast yourself. The crude sound jolting both of you awake. You’ve been here for long enough anyway, the time your phone reflects prompting you to try and get up before something hooks onto your clothes, stopping you in your tracks. It’s Kurona’s hand, pointed nails digging deep into your trousers until you have to pry each one off your leg.

You really can’t blame him; This is the earliest you two have met up, the earliest you’ve had to leave and the first time you’ve been the one to leave first. Poor thing seemed so curious about you, he probably didn’t have anyone else to talk to. The other times he’d swam away almost seemed like he had to, and now you were abandoning him first.

“I’m not leaving forever, I’ll come back tomorrow.. I promise”

He doesn’t seem convinced, uncertainty still swirling around in those pale pink irises. It almost feels like you’re comforting a child, so you do the only thing you can think of.

“Ok, let’s do this then.”

You take his hand in yours, manoeuvring it until only his pinkie finger sticks out. Then you loop yours with his, shooting him what you hope is a comforting smile.

“People do this when they want to make genuine promises, ones they can’t go back on, d’you get what I mean?” You watch him nod hesitantly, a bit of his regular expression coming back now.

“I’m being completely serious, I’ll come back to see you tomorrow”

The miserable look he’s giving you makes you want to stay a bit longer, but against his own wishes he manages to nod in agreement, finally letting go of you. He’s still perched on the beach by the time you’re back in the house, his tail flopping in the water in a way that reminds you of a sad puppy. You wave at him from the kitchen window, watching him wave back, calmer this time, before he swims away. You had to get him something nice to make up for this.

The list of things you need to get for the next few weeks keeps getting longer and longer the more you think about it, the little fish section for Kurona being about forty percent of it. You’re going to need a lot if you don’t want to go shopping every week, that’s why you’ve been sitting by your island counter for the past ten minutes, phone balancing in your hand while you cycle through all the meals you could cook in your head. The ocean’s been empty since you woke up, a blessing in disguise if you really think about it. At least you could probably go and come back in time to meet him by the water.

Your car’s just as hot as the day you arrived. That was the only thing you hated about the house, even with how big it was, it somehow had no garage or shaded parking spots. The ratty seats are practically sizzling, burning the underside of your thighs when you finally suck it up and get inside. Luckily for you, it doesn’t take long for the car to cool down. With all the windows down and the AC on full blast, you’re almost shivering as the wind whips through your lighter material clothing.

The nearest supermarket is in the middle of the town’s centre, surrounded by other smaller shops, stalls and clubs you would’ve loved to explore if they weren’t all an hour away. As you step out into the parking lot, you take note of the fish market a few buildings away, a small light blue and white shop that barely stands out from the bright colours of the rest of the market. You’ll stop there the minute you’re done.

…

You’re almost done with your list now, the things you actually need mixed in with spare snacks and drinks you threw in as well. You would’ve been halfway across the parking lot if you hadn’t stopped in the middle of the cooking utensils aisle, a flash of bright red and yellow catching your eye. There’s a grill on sale at the end of it, one of those small portable ones that stands on two short legs.

The idea pops into your head before you can stop it; You, on the beach with what most people would consider too much fish, grilling some for yourself while you fed the raw pieces to Kurona. It was a good idea, and your bank account barely has anytime to protest before you’re making space for it in your cart, pushing the heavy thing towards the till.

The fish market is almost empty when you get there, the late afternoon sun shining over each scale on the cuts that are still leftover. Most of what you want is still there though; Tuna, cod, salmon, shrimp, crab, squid.. The longer you list more and more fish, the more baffled the employee behind the counter looks. By the time you’re done spouting off, the poor worker has to call his co-worker to pack up what feels like over 8kg of fish split into two plastic bags.

…

Your windows are down again, not because it’s still hot, but because the smell of fish lingering on your car seats would irritate you more than anything. The drive back almost feels heavier, with all the bags you have and the miniature grill sitting in your trunk, the back of the car’s practically dragging across the road. Against all your paranoid thinking, your car still safely pulls in front of the beach house, thankfully not smelling too much like fish, while you run up to the main door.

As per usual, your gaze quickly finds the ocean front, your body already forming the habit because of a certain shark. The same shark that’s swimming idly in the water, just a few feet away from the sand. From the way his head perks up when you call out to him, it’s clear he’s been waiting for a while. He’s still staring at you as you trudge back to the car, crawling up to the sand before you stop right in front of the water.

“Sorry, I ended up wasting time at the store. But… look what I got!” You spread the bag in front of him, letting him see the fish you have inside. It might be a hallucination, but you swear you can see his lips quirk up into a small smile.

“Fish, fish.”

“Yep! Bought as much as I could carry. I also got a grill, so we’ll be eating dinner together”

He doesn’t give you as big of a response as you’d like, but you’ve come to realise now that you’ll never really get one from him. A simple nod is all you accept before you’re back in the house, putting away half of your groceries, a chore that takes almost three trips back and forth with how much you’ve bought, but it’s out of the way. Can’t waste money ordering food if you’ve already spent it all on groceries.

Your remaining items go right back outside with the fish, along with any other dishes you felt you needed. You had plans for your part of the grill, your hands already whipping up a marinade while Kurona watches like a cat with a laser pointer. It takes a lot to stop yourself from laughing at how intensely he’s watching you cook, it’s even harder for you to hide your laughter when you finally realise you can use him as an impromptu spice rack.

With every hour that passes by, your food count dwindles even more. Kurona’s been helping you eat up most of the raw pieces, while you’re trying to grill as much as you can for yourself until you’re down to half of one bag and the last few drops of your sauce. You’ve also been giving him bits from your own portion, with how hard he was staring it would’ve been a crime not to. He didn’t like it at first, the spice making his face turn a cute shade of pink, but now you can’t cut a piece to eat without him trying to snatch it off the grill first.

The day passes quicker when you’re having fun, the evening sky’s deep blues highlighting the warm light emanating from your grill, a light that’s gotten closer to extinguishing itself the longer you’ve stayed outside. Your bags are empty now, bowls and cutlery stacked up neatly beside your legs, even in the dim light you can see Kurona struggling to stay awake, his head almost dropping straight into the sand. He starts one more time when your finger presses into his cheek, before it’s promptly removed and held onto, the tired huff he lets out making you smile.

“I have to go again, it’s late..”

“Sleep here, here.”

The laugh bubbling up in your throat dies down when you see how serious he is, barring the fact that he always looks serious, and as cute as the suggestion was, your back was aching for comfort and you weren’t looking forward to skipping out on the bed you paid good money for. His hand feels cool in yours, something you no longer mind anymore as you turn it around until your pinkies are linked in a familiar motion.

“I promised you yesterday and I came today, didn’t I? We even spent the whole day together. I’m not leaving, not for a while.”

He lets you go quicker than the last time, the forlorn look on his face immediately ruined by the big yawn he lets out a second later. You don’t want to leave first again this time, your gaze trained on the rippling water as he swims further out into the sea, only turning back once to look at you before he’s gone.

It’s jarring how fast two weeks passes, the time slipping out of your holiday faster than you can keep up with. Although you barely have time to think about it when you’re constantly in the water, the material of your swimsuit practically wearing thin. Every morning was the same for you; wake up as early as possible, eat breakfast down by the water with Kurona, all while trying to keep his hands out of your plate, let him splash you around until the sun set in the sky, and then repeat it all over again the next day.

If you slept even a second longer than you usually did, Kurona would spend however long he liked shouting your name from the sand until you rushed downstairs sweaty and dishevelled. You were happy he was getting more comfortable speaking to you, that didn’t mean you wanted him to be your personal alarm.

As much as both of you liked swimming around, you spent a lot of your time talking. In the beginning, it was mostly you yapping in his face while he stared back with a blank look you hoped meant he was listening; But as time went on, he got a lot more comfortable with responding to whatever stupid topic you brought with you. That weird but cute word repetition habit of his only got more endearing the more you heard it, the more you heard him talk about what little he did under the sea before he met you. He never spoke about seeing any other hybrids, and you never asked. Even if you did find out there were others like him, you preferred Kurona too much now to pay attention to anyone else.

That was another thing. It was embarrassing to admit, but even harder to ignore the way your heartbeat sped up every time you walked down to that beach. You liked the comforting quiet he brought to your hangouts; The small sea shells and pebbles he’d present to you the minute his head broke through the surface, the way his face turned a light pink whenever you insisted on braiding his hair. You liked his voice, his quirks.. You liked him. But the thought of saying that out loud made your stomach twist into incredibly complicated knots, and thinking about the logistics of it tightens the knots even further. How exactly would you manage a boyfriend who lived in waters you didn’t even live beside?

It’s around twelve in the afternoon, the sun casts it’s luminous glow on the white marble around, glinting off your kitchen counters and into the dark bags under your fluttering eyelids. You’d stayed out late again last night, the pleading look in Kurona’s eyes forcing you to sit with him until the sun was almost rising in the sky again.

The smell of flour and sugar waft in the space around you, the sound of pancakes sizzling barely keeping you awake, combined with the warmth now radiating through your body makes you want to crawl back into bed. But you knew Kurona would be calling for you within the next hour if you even tried to slink away.

Speaking of which, your gaze crawls to the window right next to you, scanning across the beach until a touch of pink finds it’s way into your line of sight, making you smile before you actually process what you’re seeing. It’s Kurona, on the beach, at least you can see his braid flopped down in the sand beside his head, but he looks.. human? The scaly, light brown skin that covered his body from the arms down is gone, replaced with pale, supple skin, the fins that usually spread across his back and tail are gone. Somehow, someway you only just noticed that the tail in question is gone, replaced by two regular legs.

A mix of panic and confusion grips your stomach as you make your way down the house just as fast as the second day you’d stayed here. You would’ve laughed at the sense of deja vu if you weren’t incredibly worried. He’s still laying face down in the sand when you get to him, so still you’re scared he’s not breathing.

“Hey.. Hey! Are you okay?” You don’t know why you thought he would, but he doesn’t respond, his fingers twitching a little before he goes still again. “I’m gonna try and flip you over, okay?”

Your hands barely touch his shoulders before his torso snaps upwards, the dazed look on his face contrasting the embarrassing scream you just let out. Kurona looks happy to see you for a solid second before he finally looks down at himself, a brief silence passing over both of you. It takes a few minutes for you to recover and start throwing questions at him; What happened to him? When did this happen? How did he even get on land? He’s not even listening to you, ignoring your panicked shouts as he crawls right back into the water, like he thinks it’ll bring his tail back.

Just like you expected, he makes it about four feet before he starts struggling, calling out to you with whatever lung capacity the water hasn’t swallowed yet, flailing his arms as if that would make him drown any slower. The thought of getting your clothes wet again makes you want to die inside, but it’s already too late, your arms propelling you through the water faster than you’ve ever swam before.

Several minutes pass before you manage to drag yourselves out of the sea; With Kurona panicking and flailing around, you could barely get him to hold onto you, and it was very hard for you to ignore the fact that he’s completely naked. Another bout of silence passes over you both, only being punctuated by the sound of you trying to catch your breath, while Kurona shivers silently beside you.

“I think.. you should stay with me, until we find out what’s going on with you..”

You finally think to give him your jacket when you’re both in the house, dripping sea water onto your previously pristine tile floor. Now that you’re really looking at Kurona, even though you shouldn’t because your jacket barely covers him, he’s not as big as you thought he would be. He’s around your height, would be shorter if you asked him to bend his head, but his body is a lot more toned than in his hybrid form. Shame creeps up your neck when you finally make eye contact with him, that same curious, but almost bored look on his face staring at you with a new found intensity that makes your face hot.

“..I’ll get you something to wear, wait here”

The landlord made it obvious that every room in the beach house was available to you, it was in the confirmation e-mail, except his own room at the end of the topmost hallway, but this was a unique situation. You weren’t sure your clothes would fit him, and looking at the spare clothes left in the abandoned room, it looked like they would fit better. Trudging back down to the main door you make a mental note to leave the owner a little tip for the trouble.

The hardest part of the next fifteen minutes is trying to get Kurona into the clothes you brought, without actually looking at him. Every time he claims he’s gotten it, you turn around to see the clothes hanging off limbs that you definitely didn’t tell him to put into the garments, the underwear is really the only thing he’s gotten right. You’re forced to suck it up and help him out, doing your best to pretend your face doesn’t flush every time your fingers brush against his skin.

“Wet, wet..”

“I know, I know.. go sit down I’ll come dry your hair for you”

He pouts when you ruffle his hair, shaking a little more water out before slinking off to the couch you pointed at. It doesn’t take long for you to find your hair dryer, both of you falling into a peaceful silence while the hum of the dryer echoes through the room. You can see Kurona’s falling asleep from here, his head drooping slightly until it softly lands on the side of your thigh.

“Do you have any idea what happened? While you were asleep?”

He jolts awake when you speak, shifting his body until he’s looking up at you from between your thighs, sleepily shaking his head when your question finally registers in his mind.

“I remember.. wanting to come back home with you. Just once, once. Then I woke up..”

That goes straight to your heart, the loud thudding in your ears too much to ignore as your fingers card through the last of his wet locs. He’s falling asleep again, long lashes falling over soft cheeks in a serene sight that makes you want to keep staring. Eventually, you make it off the couch, taking Kurona’s now warm hand in yours as both of you shuffle upstairs. The rental practically has a million spare rooms, with beds big enough to host at least three people per room. You walk around the hallway until you get to the one beside yours, opening the door for Kurona to wander inside.

“I’m right next door if you need anything, sleep well”

He shoots you a small smile before the door snaps shut, leaving you with your thoughts as you trudge back to your own room, flopping into the sheets with your laptop settled neatly on your legs. Your browser’s homepage stares back at you for what feels like close to an hour until you eventually start typing, anything that’ll give you even the slightest idea of what to do with the now fully human Kurona in the room right next to yours.

shark hybrid turning into human

half shark half man

half shark half man real

mermaid shark sightings reddit

No matter what silly combination of words you manage to throw together, nothing helpful comes up at all, the whole webpage filled with hastily written conspiracy theories and images so shoddily edited together even a child wouldn’t believe them. You’re on the twelfth page of searches, head practically wilting into your hand, your eyes now throbbing from how long you’ve been looking at your screen; You want to give up and go to sleep, try again tomorrow when it doesn’t feel like your eyes are about to fall out of your head, until one search result catches your eye.

r/supernatural Found some merman near my vacation house I rented a beach house for the summer holidays last year and my kids found some weird shark hybrid thing in the water close to … Read more

You’re clicking on the link before you can think about it, scrolling through the post with renewed vigour. It’s all so specific, the description of the beach house, of Kurona himself and how the poster met him in the first place, though they never got close enough to know his name the way you did. Your face is so close to the screen you don’t even notice the room door creaking open, locs of light pink hair sliding in through the crack.

“There’s water on the floor, floor..”

Your gaze snaps up towards the entrance, scanning the very obvious look of guilt on Kurona’s face.

“..Like the bathroom floor? That’s fine, I’ll come clean it up”

He still looks like a scolded child by the time you get to him, trailing behind you as you step into the guest room, suddenly very aware of a puddle of water you just stepped into. No, he didn’t mean the bathroom floor. There’s water all over the main room, still flowing from the bathtub tap and now seeping into the carpet by the bed.

“Sorry, sorry..”

You don’t even have any words to say, rubbing your hands over your eyes while the water starts to slide into the hallway. From the little you got from in between Kurona’s frantic apologies, it seemed like he thought sitting in the tub would be a safer way to try and get his tail back rather than drowning in the ocean.. except he forgot to actually turn the tap off. It’s hard trying to pay complete attention to his explanations when all you can think about is how much of your deposit you’re going to lose for this.

Almost an hour later and the room is looking more presentable than when you came in, you’ve left the doors open so everything can dry, and the carpet’s hanging over the room’s balcony. That’s the most you can do at this point, you just consider yourself lucky the floors weren’t made of wood.

Kurona lets you lead him back to your room, still upset even when you settle him into your bed, dragging the covers over both of you. It would be safer if he stayed with you here, at least that’s what you tell yourself when he wraps his arms around you, snuggling his head deeper into your shoulder before you finally hear his breathing even out.

Teaching someone how to live is hard.

You’re sure that’s what parents think when their babies finally start walking and talking, and that’s exactly how you feel trying to tell Kurona that he can’t eat raw fish anymore because human beings have to deal with the mysterious concept of ‘food poisoning’. In the last few days, you’ve caught him more than ten times with his head in the fridge, picking out whatever ingredients you have in there with his mouth.

The next days afterwards, he refused to dry himself off after each shower, so you practically had to chase after him everywhere with a mop. He almost flooded the kitchen while you weren’t looking, nearly fell off the balcony because he was staring out at the sunset too hard, and the amount of times you’ve caught him without clothes on because it “makes him itchy, itchy” is enough to drive you insane.

The past week hasn’t been all bad though, it’s a lot easier for both of you to hang out when you’re not confined to the water. Early mornings cooking with his arms wrapped around your waist and his head nestled on your shoulder, late afternoons playing board games you have to dedicate an hour each to teaching him, long walks along the beach in the evening, hand in hand, the distance between you two fully melted away by now.

Kurona’s fascinated by nature documentaries, especially ones about sea animals. It’s adorable really, the way he stares at the TV screen with this entranced look while he curls his finger around the small braid at his head. Very little can tear him away from that screen when he’s in front of it, except for the few times you find the opportunity to curl up with him, his free arm folding around you immediately before he relaxes into you.

…

Tonight’s one of those nights, your head placed neatly on his chest, your body laying in the space between his legs while the hand across your back plays with the ends of your hair. The documentary’s been over for an hour now, the flat screen TV now playing some cheesy romance movie you managed to convince Kurona to watch with you. You can feel your eyelids growing heavy, the noise from the TV fading into a soft hum as his steady heartbeat thuds in your ears, beating faster the longer you burrow into him.

“Your heart’s beating really fast..”

He barely turns his head to look at you, eyes focused on the characters now confessing to each other, but still letting out a small hum so you know he heard you.

“It always does that, that.”

“That’s not good..” You’re looking up at him now, scanning the way he pauses before he turns to look at you too.

“But it only happens when I’m with you, and that’s a good thing, thing.”

Silence falls over the room after that, a heavy tension pressing down on you until it feels like you can’t breathe. You can feel something burning in your heart. A feeling so deep you barely want to acknowledge it, even as it takes over your trembling arms, propping your body up towards him. Both of you stay still for what feels like close to an hour, your breathing coming in heavy now, the TV completely silent in your mind. Kurona doesn’t move even when you kiss him, a light one that seems to take everything out of you, but only lasts a second.

“Sorry..”

You want to run. To dash upstairs, lock the door and hide under the covers until your vacation is over. But you can’t, Kurona’s holding onto your arm too hard for you to move, a lot stronger than you’ve ever seen. It feels like he’s pulling you closer, drawing you in until your lips are back on his, hips grinding against his lap, fingers combing through his hair in a desperate motion that makes him breathe hard when you finally pull apart, only to smash into him again. You let out a sharp gasp when his hands claw their way up your shirt, spreading a sultry heat the creeps down your legs, going straight to your core.

It’s been a full ten minutes before you finally separate from him for good, leaning your forehead against his shoulder while you try to catch your breath. The night grows quiet again, both of you focused on calming the desire burning in your shaky limbs, his arms still wrapped around your waist under your shirt.

You make the first move, your legs carrying you over his body and slowly up the stairs, aware of how closely Kurona’s following you. He hesitates at your room’s open door, watching carefully as you get into bed, patting the space beside you before he slides in with you, his breathing becoming more stable in your ear as you both fall asleep.

The sun rises gently over the ocean front, bathing your room in a soft light that warms your now stirring form. Something in the way the light spills over your eyes, the palm trees rustle in the wind, birds singing next to your window as the sound of waves crashing pours over your balcony, makes you feel entirely at peace.

Kurona stirs beneath you, shuffling under the sheets until he’s facing you, placing small pecks over your face while you melt into his chest again. Yesterday night comes back to you in quick flashes; The anxiety, the desire, now faded into something meaningless as the early morning passes you by.

“We should get up soon”

“Later, later..”

You brush the stray hairs out of his face, chuckling at the sleepy grumble he lets out when you do. The moment lasts for barely a minute longer before a loud crash makes you shoot up in bed, unintelligible shouting drawing your attention to your balcony overlooking the beach. There’s a woman standing by the water, her features so sharp you almost wince. She’s staring up at your room, her short, wavy pink hair framing the icy glare on her face perfectly.

Your view of the woman is obscured when Kurona grabs your hand, dragging you behind him before he shouts back at her. That doesn’t mean you didn’t see the beige crest spanning across half her face, or the fins sticking out of her arms that matched the ones you were used to seeing on the man in front of you.

The two of them are speaking in a language you can’t even begin to decipher, each rushed sentence a combination of foreign words and more animalistic noises. But in between their hurried arguments you can swear you heard the woman say words like “son” and “steal”, though you might be making things up.

“What’s she saying..?”

Kurona takes a while to answer, his heated conversation coming to a slow stop, the result of it already showing through the pained look on his face.

“I have to go back, back..”

“What?? But you can’t- we don’t even know what happened to you yet.. what if you drown again?”

He lets out a deep sigh, glancing back at the still furious woman before he envelops you in a warm embrace, smoothing a hand down your back while your shoulder begin to shake.

“She knows what’s going on, on. She can fix it if I go back.. but I have to stay down there.”

“For how long?”

“..A while, while”

You don’t have to say anything more, the pain in your voice making it obvious where you stand in this split second decision. Shame radiates through your body for thinking it, but you genuinely hoped Kurona would remain human for far longer. You could’ve kept him in the house with you for the rest of your vacation, even convinced him to come back to the city with you. You would’ve done anything to make that happen, even if it meant the possibility bringing him back here every few months so he wouldn’t miss the water enough to leave you.

“I’ll come back, back.. eventually”

That snaps you out of it, your panicked thoughts fading to the background as Kurona takes your hand in his, linking his smallest finger with yours. One more kiss is enough for you to finally calm down, the tears hanging off your lashes drying up before you let them spill.

“You promise?”

“Mhm, I’ll come back no matter what, what.”

Watching him walk back into the water with his mother is less painful than you thought it would be, though that doesn’t mean your heart isn’t sinking all the way into your stomach. It’s your fault. He was stuck on land because of you and your selfish wishes, and yet you still had the time to be upset he was leaving. He had to go home at some point, and you had to accept that. You watch him turn back one last time, waving at you from halfway under the water before a hand drags him under, leaving you just as alone as the first day you’d arrived.

Your morning’s are a lot more quiet now. From the empty white sheets looking back at you when you wake up, to the sound of your padding feet as you wander around the house, everywhere is so silent it’s enough to drive you mad. The ocean front beyond your window also remains empty, every time you allow yourself glance out the clear pane, looking for a tuft of pink hair, beige fins, anything that would give you hope.

Somehow, you still manage to drag yourself out of bed to walk along the beach, stepping about a few feet in until the water’s at your knees. Sometimes you swear you can see him, quick flashes that disappear before you can turn your head. You spend your night’s in front of that window, gaze glued to the shifting tides until your eyes close on their own, only to wake up the next day and repeat your unwilling routine.

Before you know it, your holiday passes just like that. Another two weeks carving itself out of the rest of your vacation. It really makes you think, you rented this whole house so you could lounge around, finally get to rest, and now you’re upset because there’s nothing to do. You would’ve laughed at yourself if you weren’t miserable. The thought crosses your mind for longer than you’d like, the thought of renting out this space again for however long until Kurona came back; But you’ve already taken enough time off, you would be lucky if your boss gave you another break in the next year. And even if he did, where would you get more money from?

Enough time has passed, you should really be getting ready to pack up and leave, the time you have left in this house whittling down to a measly one day. But you can’t bring yourself to, the alcohol now thrumming through your veins making it hard to even blink properly. Your mind feels like it’s slowed down to a painful halt, everything swerving past your already blurry vision as you stumble down the front stairs, grains of sand making their way into your slippers.

The wind whips through your clothes, strong enough to move them but not enough to dry the tears rapidly flowing down your face, your arms too heavy to try and wipe them away. You can’t keep yourself upright for long; The pain swirling around in your chest, fusing to your lungs, making it harder to breathe. Sobs like hiccups echoing through the night as your knees collapse into the ground, tears mixing with sand to create the mud that now stains your clothes.

It must’ve been about an hour before your tears finally dried, yellow grain coating your hair while your body lies flat on the ground, head expanding from both the alcohol and your misery. Your eyelids flutter shut before you can protest, sleep taking a hold of you faster than you thought possible. The only thing that wakes you back up is the feeling of something light on your face. Everything feels groggy, you’re sure it’s been several hours but that doesn’t matter to you, your focus on the finger softly stroking your cheek. It feels loving, familiar.. but you don’t get to see who it is before sleep takes you under again.

Sunlight pours in through the window, soaking into your eyelids until you finally awaken, bleary and confused. Your head hurts like hell, your eyes struggling to adjust to the light and the tears still clinging to them, your back aches even with the softness of the living room couch cushioning it.

“Huh..?”

You’re in the house when you finally come to, sand clinging to both the leather material and your palms, the grains still stuck in your hair from when you collapsed. That was the last thing you remember; You falling into the sand after one too many drinks, crying until your chest hurt, but you swear you fell asleep there, you couldn’t have made it back into the house by yourself. Hope swirls in your chest before you quickly snuff it out, even if it was him.. it was too late, you were leaving today. And it was clearly just wishful thinking on your part, the water as still as it had been last night.

…

It takes you just as long to pack up your things as it had to set them up the day you arrived, your simple wardrobe packed up into your car practically in seconds. A lot of your shopping is still in the fridge, your mood for the past two weeks didn’t allow you to eat much. Maybe the owner would throw it away, or Kurona could have it whenever he came back. If he came back. Thinking of him now makes you pause at the front door, hand hovering over the door knob while you study the space around you, bits and memories floating in the air around you.

The kitchen where you shared meals, the room where you slept together, the lounge where you dried his hair when he refused to do it himself, the living room.. that night. It plays over and over in your head until the door opens and shuts behind you, the beep of it’s digital lock securing itself barely reaches your ears as you start towards the car. You’re so close to leaving, your fingers hooked in the notch of your car door handle, ready to pull, before you feel two solid arms wrap around your torso, a flash of pink creeping into your peripheral view as your shoulder sags with the weight of someone’s head dropping into it.

“I’m sorry, sorry… I’m here now”

It’s almost sad, how quickly tears spring to your eyes the minute you hear his voice. You knew, you knew it was him before he even touched you, the fresh smell of sea salt wafting under your nose a full minute before you opened the car door. Kurona’s sorry face shines back at you when he spins you around, his hands on your shoulders being the only thing keeping you upright until you collapse into his chest.

“..Where were you? What took you so long..?”

He holds you for as long as you need, pressing light pecks into the crown of your head while you busy yourself with making his already wet clothes even wetter with your tears. He’s still wearing the ones you stole for him, the same ones he wore the day his mother took him away from you the same way she thought you did from her. You snap back to attention when you feel his tongue on your face, licking the tears away like some guilty puppy.

“I wanted to make sure I could control my human form first, first… then I saw you yesterday and knew I had to come soon.”

That makes sense. A small part of you knew you didn’t walk yourself back up, you were too drunk for that.

“So.. there’s nothing wrong with you. And this..” You glance down at his legs, not a single scale on any of them. “This is permanent..?”

“For as long as I want it to be, be.”

The determined look on Kurona’s face makes you mind wander, your heart soar with hope for a second. But you need to hear it from him first.

“So you..”

“I want to stay with you, you.” The light in his pastel pink eyes shine a little brighter, staring at you like he’s already made his choice.

“I think your mom will kill me if I take you anywhere.”

“She’ll understand, understand. I’ve already told her”

Your stomach’s already twisting into knots, excited ones that make you want to throw Kurona in your car and speed off before any of you think to protest. This is what you want, what you’ve wanted since the first few words he spoke to you, since he started waiting patiently to see you each day, his usually monotone expression lifting just a little whenever you opened the front door. You smooth your hands up his chest, cupping his face in your palms.

“My apartment sucks. It’s cramped, dirty.. not like this house. And there’s barely any water nearby..”

“I don’t mind, mind. As long as you’re in it”

His last words are followed by a kiss, a deep one that goes straight to your heart the longer you weave your lips together with his, teeth nipping at your bottom lip in a way that makes you groan.

“Plus.. you promised, promised. You can’t go back on it now.”

You had been padding all over the mansion the whole morning; Dusting corners you had previously been too lazy to see, treading down the halls with a light towel and an urgency that made your back ache. You’d taken breaks of course, long ones with a cup of tea and any snacks you could find around the house, all so you could stare into the whispering trees while your husband trained a few feet away from you.

No matter how many times you watched Sanemi fight, it was just as impressive each time. The speed of his attacks, the strength behind them manoeuvring the air around him until you could feel the slashes even from where you were sitting. Watching each jagged scar flex across his muscles often put you into a trance you couldn’t explain every time he made fun of you for staring. Even now, you can’t find the words you want to say to him as he takes his seat right beside you, sharp purple gaze boring into the side of your head. His fingers glide smoothy across your cheek, touch light as a feather as he guides your face in his direction, his features more serene than you’d seen in a while.

“What’cha thinking about?”

You watch his eyes scan over every inch of your expression, most likely taking in the dark, puffy skin under your eyes, the slight crease in your brow, a small chill in your bones brought about by the early winter air. Trying to smoothen out your expression doesn’t help when Sanemi can already see how tired you look, and the quick kiss you turn to plant on his palm does little to distract him either.

“Nothing… You were swinging pretty hard earlier, somethin’ on your mind?”

Luckily for you, the change in conversation seems to work. Sanemi’s expression immediately turns sour as he starts to huff to himself, letting go of your face with a muffled grunt. It doesn’t take long for him to go into a rant, it never does, always quick to complain the minute you inquire. You shift closer to him on the veranda as his voice goes up an octave, looping your arm and fingers through his in a motion you’d gotten used to using to show him you were listening.

“It’s those useless brats I’ve had to spend all day training. Wimps can’t do anything themselves!..”

You let him go on for as long as he needs to, muttering about his junior slayers and their less than stellar abilities as if this isn’t the hundredth time this week. He means well, you know he does. He wouldn’t be complaining this much if he didn’t at least care about them, the only problem being him expressing that care in what you think is one of the worst ways possible.

“They’re just children ‘Nemi, scared children doing the best they can. Being a slayer is already hard enough.. and now they have to train even harder for..”

The Final Battle.

You didn’t need to say the words out loud for the pressure to take hold of your conversation. It had been slowly building up long since everyone had come back from the Swordsmith's village. Mitsuri had been the first to tell you what had happened, before your husband had come back to give you the official orders. Just thinking about it now was enough to put you in a foul mood, you knew the day would come but the finality of it only made you worry. It was getting harder and harder to drag yourself out of your own thoughts nowadays, intrusive ones that plagued your mind with the possibilities of your husband setting out and never coming back.

“You’re doing that thing again.”

Sanemi’s gruff voice snaps you back into reality as you realise his hand is on your chin again, forcing you to look into his eyes with a sadness you can’t be bothered to mask anymore. The shaky laugh that crawls out of your throat almost makes you cringe, a shoddy attempt to reassure the man in front of you now.

“What thing..?”

“That.. thing you do, when you start overthinking, start cooking up scenarios that just make you upset. That thing.

A small huff emerges from you then, a small but genuine smile spreading across your face for the first time today. Sanemi lets you wrap your arms around his neck, gently pushing him down until his back is flush against the wooden flooring, and your head lands shakily in the crook of his neck.

“I’m just… thinking realistically. Preparing myself before anything bad actually happens..”

“Nothing bad is gonna happen.”

His hand’s resting on your head now, smoothing down your hair in a way you would’ve usually chastised him for, but now brought you immediate comfort. A gentle silence spreads between you both, enveloping you in a state of calm aided by the steady thrum of your husband’s heartbeat. The moment almost lulls you to sleep, turning your bones to jelly, making you sluggish as you reach across Sanemi’s face, turning his head towards you as quickly as you can.

“If you even think of leaving me behind, I’ll make sure I drag you all the way from hell and kill you again myself.”

It takes a while for him to truly comprehend what you just said, his eyes widening slightly before they crinkle in amusement, a barking laughter escaping his lips not even a second later. You don’t realise he’s switching your positions until your back smacks against the wood, Sanemi’s arms caging you in. A quick flick to your forehead rubs even more salt in the wound, the mocking smirk on his face contradicting the slight softness you can see in his eyes.

“That’s what you’ve been thinking about this whole time?”

He doesn’t let you get a word in, already chuckling again at the small frown you now have on. It doesn’t stay there for long, the kisses your husband’s now pressing into your skin almost distracting you from your whole conversation.

“Yeah? You think your husband’s so weak he can’t handle himself?” Each word is punctuated by an open mouthed kiss to your neck, sliding downwards until he reaches the peak of your chest.

“That’s not..”

A sharp gasp wrenches from your lips as a rough hand glides past the bottom of your kimono, reaching up your thigh until the sensation has you trembling. Just as quickly as it started, Sanemi stops his hand inches away from exactly where you want him, flopping his head down onto your shoulder and letting a out deep sigh when you start to card your fingers through his hair. You’re still breathless when he speaks up, the hand splayed across your thigh keeping your body flushed.

“You know I won’t die that easily.. even if I did..” He traces a slow finger to your inner thigh, revelling in the small shiver you give him. “I’d come back as a ghost just to haunt ya.”

The last part makes you laugh, a small huff that eventually turns into fervent giggling, until your husband’s chuckling along with you too. The laughter makes you feel better, takes your mind off the nagging feeling still settled deep in your stomach. Sanemi takes your hand in his, intertwining your fingers while he holds them up to his lips, staring into your eyes with a look you can’t seem to place.

“I’m serious. ‘M never leaving you.”

Clink

The soft sound of shifting bowls and plates reverberates through the silent night, tall shadows dancing along the corridors as you trudge back and forth from the kitchen to the dining room. You’d made far too much food, your hands automatically busied themselves after Sanemi had been gone for over two hours already. To anyone else, you must’ve looked like a crazy person; Wiping the floors of an empty home, cleaning the windows more times than you can count, putting out the laundry even though the sun had set long ago.

You tried to convince yourself it was because you wanted to keep the house clean for your husband’s return, repeating it over and over in your head while you completed each meaningless task. But you knew the truth. If you didn’t keep yourself busy like this, you would’ve broken down on the spot.

The last few hours had really been testing you. A swarm of pitch black crows had soared across the pale grey sky while you had been rearranging the laundry, sharp sounds a contrast to the talking ones you were used to, bringing up this weird anxious feeling in your chest. You’d also seen a black cat wandering along the trees while you were cleaning, the first one you’d seen in a while. It seemed all too eager to sidle up to you, wrapping it’s matte black tail around your ankles no matter what you said or did. It feels silly to think about now. Especially since you’re not one for superstitions, but the universe doesn’t seem to want to ease your fears today.

“What’s silly is cooking for an empty house..”

You slap a swift hand over your mouth, nearly dropping the pot of soup you had just taken off the stove. A pang of guilt creeps its way up your neck, intertwining itself into your thoughts. You really shouldn’t be saying such things, it would only make your anxiety worse. Sanemi would come back home safe and sound, there was nothing to worry about with him. Watching the soup slosh around in the pot makes your legs feel weak, reminding you of the slight tremor in them. You don’t remember the last time you sat down today.

The wood seems to absorb all the energy left in your body, the bright coloured bowls in front of you blurring together into one colourful streak, your eyelids getting heavier by the second. It takes very little for your head to fall onto the sturdy table next, sleep coming easier than you thought it would, especially on a night like this.

…

Tap Tap Tap

The sharp sound coming from your front door immediately makes you jump, jolting you out of your sleep so suddenly it feels like your body’s swimming in jelly the first few seconds after. The knock comes again, louder this time, finally pushing you out of your seat into action. Each step through the house feels like a stone filled with dread is being dropped to the pit of your stomach, and with so many questions swirling around in your mind you can barely walk straight.

Had the Hashiras come back already? Or at least what was probably left of them. And if it was Sanemi wouldn’t he just open the door? All the worries you have die in your throat once your hand lands on the front door, gently hooking your fingers in the side of it, even though you can tell your body doesn’t want to. It almost feels poetic. Opening one door could either keep your life intact or ruin it forever. You really don’t want to think about the latter.

The pale blue clouds that had previously plagued the sky now fade away to make space for brighter morning hues, the sky becoming a canvas of light pinks, oranges and yellows. You can still see the sun as its rising higher, casting a dazzling light on the three kakushi standing on your front porch. You can’t see much of their faces from where you’re standing, but you would have to be blind to miss the blatant misery swirling around in their irises. The one in the middle steps closer to you, bowing slightly before you can insist otherwise, most likely to say something.. but that’s when you finally see it.

Your husband’s haori neatly folded into a pile in the kakushi’s hands, his blade resting peacefully on top.

The blood spattered across the pristine white material stands out to you first, a red so vibrant it almost makes you throw up. The floor starts spinning beneath you, and suddenly everything feels too loud, too bright for you to handle. Sickly red puddles seem to be everywhere now; All over the floor, coating the walls and the too white socks you forgot to hang up as well, spreading across your vision while you’re sure the kakushi stare on with thinly veiled pity.

“We’re so sorry for your loss.. Shinazugawa-san fought we-”

The scream that claws it’s way out of your throat is the loudest you’ve been in a while. Your legs already felt unstable but now they have no power at all, collapsing under you before you can get the chance to catch yourself. Two pairs of arms wrap themselves around your shoulders, holding you down while it feels like you’re fading in and out of consciousness.

It feels like you’ve been waiting forever but the tears never fall, everything is swimming too fast while the kakushi’s voices blur into a midnless ringing. The last thing you hear before your vision fades to black is your conversation from a month ago, the sweet reassurances your husband had whispered into your ear like a handler trying to tame an anxious animal.

…

The next morning brings you nothing but renewed sadness. With how neatly you notice you had been tucked in, you almost thought everything had been a dream, but the haori and sword sitting on the space by your bed only sent you into another frenzy. The tears you’d waited for finally came cascading down your face in droves, blurring your vision until you’re not sure how long it’s been, each guttural sound a burden on your very soul. You can’t stop thinking about it, the thoughts consuming your form until it feels like they’ll choke you. He promised. Promised to come back safe just for you. Looked deep into your eyes while he said it.

“Liar..”

The sound, barely a whisper, bounces off your room’s walls. Echoing through every inch of your mind, body and soul, until you finally let it out in the form of more tears. Sobs that seem to wrack your body, but make very little noise in comparison to the sounds of the early morning, a life that seems to continue despite the ending of yours.

It’s been a week since that day. Or at least you think it’s been a week. Time seems to pass differently when death is all you can think about. You’ve barely been eating, and sleep doesn’t come easily either. Every second you close your eyes is another second you’re plagued with dreams of soft white hair and the same pale purple eyes you promised to love for all eternity.

Your body feels lighter now, skin growing more and more taut the less you manage to eat, the only reason you haven’t withered away by now is because of the four kakushi that now roam the halls of your mansion. Cleaning up after your miserable state, making meals you can’t keep down for longer than a few hours, dealing with breakdowns even you can barely handle.

There was always one in your room, waiting until you had another moment of weakness so they could step in. Rub your back while you curled over your husband’s clothes, holding your hair back while you bend over the nearest bucket. Even in your worst state you had to admit they were doing a good job of keeping you distracted before the funeral, you were dreading that more than anything. It felt like the final step, like all this time you were expecting Sanemi to wander back into your life, claim the death was a misconception, that he had survived after all. But if you had to subject yourself to seeing his body, to see them pile dirt on his beautiful face… you don’t know what you would do.

…

The ceremony went by faster than you expected it to, though you weren’t actually lucid for most of it. There wasn’t much to say really, most of the Hashira had fought and died in the final battle as well, plus you couldn’t bring yourself to look at Tanjiro and his sister without crying all over again. The incense you were meant to offer nearly fell out of your hands multiple times, it’s light smoke wavering just as much as your resolve. But you did it, you had to. It was the last thing you could do for your husband.

You couldn’t make it to the actual burial, holding back tears the whole day had taken too much out of you, you knew you would collapse soon if you didn’t leave. Two kakushi stand on either side of you once more, holding onto your arms with a certain strength you wish you possessed, guiding you carefully towards the mansion. You can see your husband’s grave from where you’re walking, a small hole in the dirt that doesn’t match his excessive personality. There’s an even smaller one right beside his.

Genya.

You chastise yourself for the thought immediately, but for a second you’re glad the boy died alongside his brother. You could barely keep yourself alive without the help of so many people, how would you manage if you had to console the poor boy as well? The walk back home is quicker when you’re practically being dragged the whole way, but you can’t complain too much when your legs feel beyond numb. This time, you insist against anymore help, much to your own surprise you manage to stop the kakushi attendants at the door, and stumble your way upstairs. Sleep comes faster than it has the whole week, tears blurring your vision once more as your eyelids fall shut.

His clothes still smell like him, or maybe that’s wishful thinking on your part. You’ve been spending the whole day with your nose buried in that haori looking for any sense of comfort his breezy, wooden smell would’ve usually given you. The moon has now risen high in the sky, shadowed by a few light clouds, giving the room a pale grey sheen. Jagged tree branches lash across the window right next to you, whispering their secrets into the silent night.

It almost reminds you of that day again; His heartbeat in your ears, the warmth of his breath on your skin while you thought both of you still had an eternity together. Thinking of that day only brings up more regret than you’d like; Would being more optimistic have done anything? Even if you’d cried, begged and screamed, your husband would have still insisted on performing his duty as a Hashira. The thought almost makes you chuckle.

Scrr Scrr

That makes you jump. Clutching the haori closer to your chest, you sit as still as you can, listening out for whatever the noise was. It occurs to you that it might be a stray cat, or the trees around your home scratching at the windows again.. but there’s something about the noise, something that makes you shakily slide out of bed, taking a moment to calm yourself before you’re padding down the hallways.

It’s been a while since you’ve seen the whole house, the kitchen was usually your go to before you trudged right back to bed. Each step feels like you’re getting closer to something you don’t want to… but your limbs are already in motion, the main door’s already in front of you. The scratching noise seems to have stopped, but that doesn’t curb your curiosity or your anxiety.

You smooth your hand down the wood and cloth panelling, inching your face closer and closer until the edge of your ear is touching the door. The night remains silent just beyond the entrance, even the trees have stopped shaking in the wind to make space for just. one. sound. The sound of someone breathing.

“You okay in there?”

…

No.

No.No.No.No.No.No.No.No.NO

“It can’t be..”

Your hand’s already shaking, gripping the hem of your kimono just to keep yourself grounded. It’s not possible. You saw his grave before you left, they had to have dropped him almost six feet into the ground. They gave you his haori.. his sword, he had to be dead through and through. Yet here you were, sobbing at your entryway with what sounds like the imitation of your husband’s voice seemingly haunting you just beyond that door.

“Could hear ya crying from a mile away... just tell me you’re okay”

A broken sob escapes you as your body slides down the door, curling at the foot of the entrance while it feels like your vision is starting to swim. Just like the day you found out he was dead. Your head feels like it’s expanding and contracting, your chest seems to start constricting as you take in as many gulps of breath as you can.

“C’mon, you know I hate seeing you cry. Just open the door, okay? Let me in.”

His smooth voice is a contrast to every violent gasp that exits your body. A disgusting contrast that makes you want to scream and run to him at the same time. You don’t even know if you should be calling it that, whatever is behind that door cannot be your husband. Eventually, you manage to quiet yourself down to little sobs that bounce off the quiet of the thing outside your house, finally giving you a moment to breathe. You can tell it wants to say something, anything else to get you to open the door for it, but your palms are already flat over your ears, rocking back and forth with your curled up form.

“It’s not him. It’s not him. It’s not him. It’s not him…”

Whatever is out there leaves soon, at least you can hear the sound of their retreating footsteps through your closed ears. You can’t find the energy to get up, tremors still wracking through every inch of your limbs, enough for them to start hurting. Tears turn into smarting eyes that signal the coming of a headache, and you’re sure your back will ache when morning comes. But none of that matters as your eyelids flutter shut, pushing the leftover tears coating your irises down your trembling cheeks.

A sliver of morning light passes through the door, making it’s way across the front hallway until it reaches your still form. The light seems to get brighter until you finally jolt awake, taking in breaths as if you had woken up from a nightmare. It takes you a while to realise where you are, and why you ended up sleeping there; It’s uncanny imitation of your husband’s care and concern still etched in your mind. Just as you predicted, your back and legs practically burn every time you move them, bones creaking while you try to stop the incessant headache spreading across your forehead.

What happened last night still feels like a dream, maybe you’d been so miserable, so alone, that you’d made up hearing your husband’s voice just to put yourself to sleep. Or that’s what you keep telling yourself. The shock, the pain... the tears had been so real, there was no way it was a figment of your own imagination. That feeling in your stomach, the uneasy one you got every time you stepped past the courtyard late at night, the one that kept repeating one thing in your mind, over and over again.

Don’t open that door.

There’s no way that wasn’t real.

A light knock at the door makes you jump, distracting you before you can think about your supernatural situation anymore. For a second, you worry that thing has come back to haunt you, maybe to actually take you this time. Your hand finds the door before you can even think about it, fingernails digging into the groves of the wooden panelling as you drag your face towards it once more.

“The house sounds empty, might still be sleepin’”

The knot in your chest relaxes all at once, finally letting you breathe. It wasn’t him. The door slides open and Tengen’s concerned face stares back at you, his eyes widening in shock as he takes in your shabby appearance. Hinatsuru steps out from behind him holding a sturdy looking pot, she opens her mouth as if to say something, but decides against it. Makio and Suma flank Tengen’s right side, staring at you with a mix of pity and guilt.

“Shit.. we didn’t wake you up, did we?”

“No!” You quickly rush to reassure him. “No you didn’t.. I’ve been awake for a while now. Please come in..”

You’re certain you look insane; Your hair’s probably all over the place, your kimono wrinkled and the bags under your eyes darker than usual. Making conversation while you lead them through the house proves to be quite difficult, especially while you’re trying to fix your appearance at the same time. By the time you get to the dining room, you have to rush around even more, rearranging the wood chairs you had previously stowed away until all three women sat you down and took over.

Once Hinatsuru set the pot down she turned to you immediately, wrapping her arms around your form before you can react first. Her body’s the warmest thing you’ve held in a while now, shoulder’s shaking with sobs as she holds you tighter. You can feel Makio and Suma wrap their arms around you too, gently at first, as if they think you’re going to fall apart if they press down too hard, but by then time Tengen joins in to place his hand on your head, all of them are holding you tightly, whispering condolences in your ear.

…

“So.. how have you been?”

It takes you a while to respond, using your spoon to move the vegetables in your bowl around. “I’m..managing, as much as I can.”

Tengen nods at that, setting a few side dishes in front of you with his good hand while Hinatsuru looks over from where she’s standing by the old, stone stove, reheating the soup she brought and ladling some of it into several bowls.

“Must be real quiet without that idiot around”

“Tengen-sama!” Makio smacks his shoulder, shooting you a sympathetic glance before moving to help her co-wives in the kitchen.

Against all odds, you manage to laugh at that, a small one that makes an audible sound but doesn’t actually change your expression, but a laugh nonetheless. You’d like to think if Sanemi was here he’d laugh too, or at least jump across the table, and the thought of that almost made you chuckle again. You snap out of your thoughts when all four of them take a seat with you, conversation coming easier than it had on the way here, your husband obviously being the main point of conversation. It’s nice, hearing about his misbehaviour from another Hashira, especially someone as lively as Tengen. In between jokes, he and his wives still manage to make sure you’re alright, asking questions you barely have the energy to answer.

…

“Are you sure you’re sleeping well..?” Suma turns to look at you while she’s walking, arm looped in yours in what’s meant to be a comforting gesture.

It crosses your mind for a second, to confess what happened to you last night, risk either looking like the crazy surviving spouse or worrying everyone looking for some Sanemi impersonator. Either way, the moment has passed and the smile on your face is starting to hurt.

“Yes, I’m sleeping just fine. Thank you..”

They don’t take long to wear their sandals at the door, with Hinatsuru taking time to instruct you on how to keep the soup she left fresh. You think you hear yourself promise to eat it all, even when something in her expression tells you she knows you won’t. Your arm starts to cramp with how much you’re waving at their retreating backs, one that doesn’t let up until Tengen turns around.

“If you ever need anything.. you know where our house is”

He accepts the curt nod you give him, ushering his wives further and further until you finally feel like you can shut the door. You actually manage to slink your way back to the bedroom this time, intent on not sleeping at the door again. Flashes of last night wander into your mind again, making you pause before you actually slide into bed; What if it happened again? If whoever that was came back to taunt you? Questions pile up in your mind until your eyes snap shut, there was too much weighing on you for you to loose even more sleep worrying like this.

KRRRK KRRK

Unfortunately for you, no one out there seems to want to answer your prayers, the deep scratching you loathed to hear again coming back louder than ever. It echoes through the corridors, bouncing off the empty walls until it reaches your room, sneaking past your hands firmly plastered against your head.

You could run to Tengen’s mansion, trudge through the woods until you got to the stairs leading to his home. But how long could you run until that thing outside would catch you? You didn’t know what it looked like, it’s fighting capabilities, whether it was a human being or a demon. Going outside now was risky, no matter how much you wanted to burst through the back door.

The noise is too loud for you to pretend to be asleep anymore, the wood creaking now reverberating through your very core, shaking your bones till they start to ache. Your eyes shift around the room, looking for something, anything you can use to your disposal; The drawers are too heavy to budge, only God knows if it would break through the chairs if you propped them against the door, the kitchen and it’s knives are below you, but it was also the closest room to the front door. But that’s when you see it. Shimmering metal gleaming under the pale moonlight, so obvious, you’re pained you didn’t see it before.

His sword.

Your legs move on their own, pushing you off the bed with an urgency even you are surprised by. The sword practically falls into your hands, almost cutting your fingers on the sharp edge as you press it close to your chest, the metal warmer than you thought it would be. Memories flash through your mind; Times when Sanemi had tried to teach you how to defend yourself, the warmth of his arms surrounding your waist, filling your senses as he directed you on where to hit.

“Y’know I’ll always be here to save your sorry ass, but it doesn’t hurt to learn either.” He’d said, before laughing at your pathetic swings for the next ten minutes.

Everything feels foreign now, whatever you learnt, or tried to learn has flown out of your head now, gone with any lick of rationality you once possessed as you shuffle to the front door, sword held so far out in front of you, you’re scared you’ll drop it. The scratching stops when you get to the entryway, now from a solid foot away from the door you can see it’s shadow, a blurry figure that does nothing but stir up the deep seated fear settling in your stomach.

A heavy silence passes between you, punctuated by your frantic breathing. You want it to speak first, give you a reason to attack first and alert anyone else before it can fight back. Your breath hitches when you hear it laugh, a low chuckle that gets louder and louder until it’s all you can hear.

“You plannin’ to kill me with that thing?”

The condescension makes your blood boil, heat rushing to the back of your neck so quick your vision starts to spin. You never let go of the sword though, your fingers tightly interlocked around the hilt while you stare down the shadow. It seems irritated by this, a tired sigh filtering through the panelling and floating past your ears.

“Just… put that down, you’ll end up hurting yourself.” It pauses for a second, as if to let you sit with what it said. “Better yet you could let me in so I can have it back, ‘s mine anyway”

There it is again. That insistence on you letting the thing in so it can do whatever it wants with you. Using your husband’s voice to wear you down so you’re more susceptible to it’s manipulation, you’re beginning to get sick of it now.

“I don’t know who you are… or why you’re doing this. But you need to leave. This is my husband’s weapon, his voice, his life! And I will not let you taint it… no matter what. Even if I have to give my life up for it.”

The thing laughs again, a low huff that makes you want to slash open the door yourself. For a second, it almost sounds softer, like it cares, like it isn’t ruining your mind and your life. It’s shadow starts to move, shuffling until parts of it gets clearer; It takes you a while to realise but the thing’s hand is now perched on the door, floating just above the wood panels.

“Yeah? And how are you so sure it isn’t me?”

That sucks the fight out of you immediately, your hands now trembling too much to hold the weapon right. It clatters to the floor in a loud clang that echoes through the night, signalling the end of your less than stellar conversation as it’s shadow fades from your sight, into the dark of the forest’s floor. A million questions run through your mind at the same time, but the one who caused them is already long gone. One sticks out in your mind though, repeating over and over until tears threaten to spill from your eyes once more.

What did you do to deserve this torture?

Shinazugawa Sanemi Meiji 11th year - Taisho 12th year

The engraving on his headstone is beautiful. Smooth, clean cut lines that make it seem like the kanji was written on paper instead of gravel. You haven’t been here in almost three weeks now, always too weak, too miserable to confront a future you weren’t even sure you would survive. And yet here you are, standing shakily in front of an ancestral grave you almost want to join, listening to the wind pick up sand around you, drying the tears threatening to spill down your face.

A week ago, you were still spiralling. The last thing that imitation had said to you kept playing in your head, scrambling your thoughts anytime you managed to form a single one, sending you deeper and deeper into theories you really didn’t want to think about. It crossed your mind for a second, the first few hours after Tengen’s visit, a part of you wanted to hope that whatever spoke to you the night before might’ve actually been your husband. But that would mean something else; Everyone on site of the battle watched him fight, watched him die, the survivors attended his funeral, you’d received his clothes and weapon, the last thing he had on him. Too many people believed in his passing. For him to come back now meant he had to have become a…

“No.” The whisper barely reaches the trees, so quiet you don’t even believe in it yourself.

Tanjiro and his friends sacrificed too much of their lives for that to be a possibility. And as far as you know, Muzan and all the other demons were dead. But at this point, that was not your main concern. It’s all been too much.

Now you need answers.

The dirt under the square stone is completely undisturbed, the mound so flat no one would know someone lay there just by passing by. What you’re about to do is enough to make you sick, just the thought alone brings bile to the back of your throat; But you have to, you have to know what you’re actually dealing with. You can’t keep letting this thing manipulate you by keeping you in the dark, and your need for this to end far outweighs the desire to keep your husband’s resting place clean.

Your knees seem to bend on their own, either from anxiety or desperation, you’re not sure, but it only takes a few minutes to convince yourself to start digging. The specks of dirt that wiggle under your fingernails immediately sends a shred of discomfort up your spine, but you’re in too deep to stop now.

Some bits of sand start to turn into mud, and that’s when you finally realise you’re crying. Crying for what your life has turned into, what you could find in this grave, what you would be forced to do afterwards. The grave parts even deeper, driving into the ground until the top of the hole reaches your midsection when you reach in. The hole now deep enough to swallow the strangled scream you let out.

It’s empty.

Completely empty with barely any sign of there ever being a body in there.

“Are you okay..?”

Your head snaps around quick, still managing to spot the kakushi standing a while away from you even with the tears obscuring your vision. The distress in your body is immediately replaced by fear. You know it’s the worst thing you can do right now, but something deep in you wants to keep this a secret. Imagine what everyone would think if you told them. Your body moves automatically; Arms sweeping wide, pushing down dirt, and by the time you turn back around, the attendant is standing right over you, scanning your face and clothes with scepticism swirling around in their eyes.

“Yes- yes, I’m fine thank you, just..” You can’t even think of a proper excuse, instead opting to show a smile you’re sure looks deranged.

“You shouldn’t be out here this late, you’ll get sick.. and look at your-”

“I wanted to join him.. Only for a second.” You don’t even know what you’re saying, just blurting out whatever’s on your mind while you smooth over the remaining dirt.

“Came here to see him and it just… crossed my mind. What if I jump in there with him? At least maybe we’d spend the afterlife together..”

You watch the suspicion in their eyes melt into pity, distracting them from the sand still clinging to the sleeves of your kimono. That was the only good thing you had, the grieving spouse act. A sturdy hand finds itself at your back, pulling you off the ground and leading you down the path to your home. The sun casts the last of it’s draining light on your route, giving you a bigger headache than you already have. Each shadow jumps out at you in the harsh light, too sharp, too fast, too human-like. What if he came for you now? Eager to kill you now that you knew his secret… what if he wasn’t the man you knew and loved anymore?

…

The kakushi stops a bit away from your veranda, pushing you forward before bowing slightly. You look away from them and watch a familiar head of raven-black hair make their way towards you, stopping just short of your face. Giyuu places his good hand on the small of your back, giving you a once over to make sure you’re alright before turning to the attendant that escorted you.

You think you can hear them explain where they found you, not what they caught you doing beforehand, but your mind also exists elsewhere. Your eyes remain trained on the forest edge, looking for any excuse you can find to run away. The sliding of your front door snaps you out of it, coming face to face with what you think is Giyuu’s concerned expression, you never really could tell with the man. He’s holding the door open, clearly waiting for you to step in first. You turn to him the minute he shuts the door behind both of you.

“I’m so sorry, I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long..”

“You didn’t.. it’s fine.” He nods his head towards the hallway and you take that as a cue to lead him to the kitchen, keeping your head down the entire time.

Giyuu moves quick the second you let him into the kitchen, bringing out tea leaves from a pouch you only just noticed now. He fumbles around the stove for a few minutes before you realise what he’s trying to do, and the fact that he can’t do it with only one hand; A quiet ‘thank you’ exiting his lips when you finally rush over to help him.

“I should visit his grave soon as well… but I wanted to check on you first..”

“Thank you..”

A soft silence cuts through your short conversation as both of you keep your eye on the boiling kettle, watching steam rise towards the ceiling. The kettle starts to whistle after a few more minutes, prompting you into action while Giyuu watches from beside you. He trails behind you while you carry the cups to your dining table, taking his seat opposite you. Both of you fall into another bout of silence, the conversation coming less easy than it had with Tengen and his wives.

“He should’ve been the one to survive..” You look up at him then. “Especially since he had you to come back to. I’m sorry it was me..”

That seems to shock you speechless. Everything you knew about Tomioka Giyuu was from Sanemi’s complaining, you knew he was one of the quietest out of the Hashiras, a little sad too, but this was almost too much.

“Please don’t say that, if he had heard you say that he would’ve thrown a fit”

Giyuu actually manages to laugh at that, a small smile that makes you wonder why he doesn’t do it more often. The conversation flows better after that, focusing on both of your personal lives, what you’re doing to manage these days when you’re not bent over your bed crying. This visit is a lot more quiet, but there’s something about it that still fills you with contentment. With all you’ve been going through each night, you really needed a moment like this.

The visit ends a few hours later, when the sun has set lower in the sky and the house now fills itself with the evening chill. It doesn’t take long for Giyuu to pack up, seeing as how he didn’t bring much, and most of your goodbye is a perfunctory greeting before silently leading him back to the front door. The moon slowly approaching the sky reminds you of that afternoon, your mood already taking a nose dive in anticipation. Giyuu turns to look at you, opening his mouth to greet you goodbye one last time, but something in his expression makes you want to talk, to spill your guts before you can even think about it.

“What would you do if Sanemi was still alive?”

He shuts his mouth immediately, confusion passing over his features while he clearly waits for you to explain, a bit of pity mixing around in his expression too.

“Sometimes... I hear his voice from behind the door.. at night, mostly.” You can tell by the look on his face that you’re losing him, but you’re already talking too much.

“I’ve..- I’ve never actually seen him, but it sounds so much like him and I can’t..”

You want to tell him even more; How much it’s been torturing you, been keeping you up for the past week.. and the fact that it might actually be true because your husband’s body is missing. But you actually refrain this time, watching Giyuu’s expression shift carefully.

“You know it can’t be him.” His voice rings clear, clearer than yours in a way that makes you feel embarrassingly unstable.

“Whatever you’re hearing outside, isn’t him, you know that..”

Nodding your head seems like the best thing to do, even if you don’t actually believe him, and he seems to accept it, nodding his head as well before going back to putting on his sandals. You jump when his voice shoots past your ears again.

“Would you like me to stay with you longer..? Make sure you’re okay?”

“No please, I’ve already wasted enough of your time..”

The door shuts quickly behind him, wood snapping together in a clatter that almost makes you jump again. No matter what it seems like, you’re the only one who’s going to have to keep this secret, and that alone made you want to cry. The solid panelling digs into your back as you slide down the length of it, the pain serving as a distraction so you don’t have to think about how quickly the moon is rising. You would have to find out tonight, what exactly is behind that door.

You never got up from the entryway of your home, your back still stuck firmly to the door while your knees stay attached to your chest. Anticipation thrums through your veins while you wait, watching each second pass by as you scratch at the wood of your floor. The house seems to get darker and darker, shadows skittering past you in the wake of the moonlight, making you jump more than you should.

It’s been close to two hours after Giyuu left before a shadow falls over your crouched form, stretching across the floor until it’s all you can see. It’s amazing how calm you are now, your heart somehow managing to stay quiet while your fingers find the wood again. You almost wish you had this calm three weeks ago.

The door slides open inch by inch, your hand dragging it along with a bit of reluctance settled deep in your bones. You finally look up when it reaches the edge of it’s frame, an involuntary gasp shooting out of your lips. It’s your husband, but not the way you remember him. His skin has taken on this, pale purple tint, one that rivals the brighter lavender of his irises, nestled in deep black sclera. Several dark green, jagged scars replace the ones he had when he was human, contrasting the sharp horn jutting out of his forehead. Sanemi places his hand against the door, sharp fingernails cutting into the wooden frame, leaning in until you can almost see yourself in his eyes.

“Took ya long enough”

Your eyes snap shut instinctively when his hand reaches for you, scared for a second that he might actually hurt you. That thought abandons you the minute you feel his lips crash against yours, your hair being pulled back so hard you can’t help but groan. It doesn’t take anything for you to lean into him, already craving the heat he’s stirring up inside you. Your arms wrap around his neck, fingers running through his hair while he moves down to your neck, leaving open mouthed kisses down your throat until you’re arching over the arm wrapped around your waist.

Both of you barely make it to the hallway before you’re stuck to each other again, your back flush against the floor and your now torn kimono hiked up to your chest, with Sanemi manhandling you until your legs are splayed over his shoulders. The desire fogging up your head clears a bit, snapping you back to attention when you feel his fingers prying your mouth open, your tongue coating them with spit until he’s slipping them in between your legs so fast it sends you reeling.

“Missed me that much, huh?”

You swear you opened your mouth to respond, but the only thing that comes out is a senseless whine. Your back is practically hovering over the floor, your hips jumping up to meet his hand as he curls his fingers in spots that make you scream. A searing heat coils in your abdomen, burning hotter and hotter until your orgasm crashes through you, the after shocks wracking your body until it falls back onto the floor, your chest heaving for a solid minute. But it’s not enough for you.

Sanemi huffs out a laugh while you fumble with the hem of his dark coloured robes, finally helping you slip it over his shoulders as he grinds down into your core, a sensation that goes straight to your head. You drag his hands over your chest, leaning into the cool, rough feeling of his palms while every fibre of your being wants to beg him to touch you more. He leans down towards your neck, your body tensing up in anticipation… before you watch his torso snap upright, a trickle of sweat rolling down his cheek while he stares down the front door.

“..’Nemi? Is everything al-”

“I have to go.'“

“What??..”

He’s off the floor in less than five seconds, adjusting the top of his kimono while he barrels towards the forest, ignoring the questions you’re rapidly shouting at his retreating back. The temptation to follow him takes over you, spending a solid few seconds trying to will your shaky legs to move; You make it to the door before you freeze, the look Sanemi gives you stops you in your tracks. He stares at you for a moment longer, something close to pity swirling around in his gaze before he disappears into the trees, leaving you with an ache in your chest, and one between your legs you can’t soothe by yourself.

You haven’t seen your husband in a week now. It’s funny really, if you said that out loud many would think you had finally lost your mind, but ever since that night you’d finally let him in, he hasn’t come back. It eventually occurred to you a day or two later, that he wasn’t actually planning to hurt you. That’s when you started missing him again. It felt like the universe had given you a sense of hope, something to look forward to before ripping that hope straight out of your hands.

The first night he hadn’t come to see you didn’t set off any alarm bells in your head; You simply woke up from your position at the door, setting about the house with motivation rushing through your body for the first time in a while. The house became clean in about three hours, the possibility of Sanemi coming back to live with you, even as a demon, kept you going. It crossed your mind to cook as well, but as far as you knew demons couldn’t eat regular foods. That was fine, you were okay with giving him some of your blood, anything to have him with you again. The second night was just as silent as the first, so was the third, fourth, fifth… and by the time the weekend had come you were already loosing your mind again.

He’d seen something in the woods, something so bad he had to leave you in that state. He wouldn’t even let you past the front door. But that’s not enough to scare you, not now; You want to see your husband again, want to run your fingers through his hair, feel his heartbeat.. human or not. By the time night falls, you’ve already made your choice. The cold metal of his sword gleams in the pale moonlight as you hold it tight, the lantern in your other hand lighting the path towards the forest floor while you try not to jump at every little shadow. This might be an idiotic decision, but you can no longer see your home when you look behind you, so you can only carry on.

…

You’re running now. As fast as you possibly can. The lantern you’d brought in with you taken by a stray branch, the sword still clutched in your hand, almost breaking the skin. Low hanging branches claw at every inch of your skin, creating lashes that spill light pearls of blood, reflecting the moon’s grey sheen. You’d seen something, yellow-red eyes that shone through the dark just as your lantern once did. You haven’t stopped to breathe since.

A stray one manages to catch your ankles, sending you rolling forward for what feels like hours before you land on your stomach, kimono sleeves torn and dirty while one of your sandals lie a few feet behind you, probably broken beyond repair. It takes a while for you to get up; The cuts, the blood, the fatigue rushing through your body faster than your previous adrenaline. You’re finally on your own feet after a few minutes, leaning slightly against a nearby tree while your right ankle throbs relentlessly. The tears fall faster than you can catch them, no matter what you tell yourself, how much you chastise yourself for being weak, for coming out here in the first place. They blur your vision until your shoulders are trembling uncontrollably, folding in on yourself till the tree can’t hold you up anymore. But then something makes you freeze. You think it’s a rustle of the trees, the wind billowing in your ear.. then it comes again.

Someone’s calling your name.

Even through your tears you can see a familiar head of white hair, you could notice it even from a mile away. Your husband’s staring right at you, shouting your name with what looks like fear and anger solidifying in his expression. You think he’s cursing at you, probably wondering what you’re doing out in the woods so late, you swear he even says the words “Watch out”, but you can’t really tell, and you don’t really care.

“Nemi!”

Is the last thing you say before something sharp drags it’s way across your back, slicing through flesh and bone so quick you barely have any time to register the pain. You fall flat in seconds, with enough momentum to roll until your body hits the tip of Sanemi’s shoes, fresh blood spreading across your clothes with each movement. First it’s bitterness, then a blind, searing pain that flows through every inch of your form, causing you to sputter and spill more blood. And now you can finally see it properly, six pairs bright yellow eyes and sickly coloured skin that immediately puts your body on edge. You watch it slowly sheathe it’s weapon, as if it had just killed an insect instead.

“..Do you know this one?”

“No.”

You can see your husband’s trying not to look at you, keeping his eyes on the shadow on the other demon, both of you watching it for any sudden moves, as if you would be able to do anything to it. It’s eyes fade into the darkness soon after, it’s presence only dissipating minutes after it’s left. That’s when the hurt of his denial stabs into you, taking what was left from the wound in your back. You almost want to turn away from him when he kneels to your level, but you know you won’t, either that or you can’t.

“Are you stupid? Why’d you come all the way out here? Just to get yourself killed?”

Sanemi makes eye contact with the sword still clutched in your hand, a pained expression crossing his features before he can mask it. You finally let go of it for the first time that night, a little swell of contentment filling your heart when he tucks the blade into the side of his belt.

“You came looking for me, huh? Guess it’s my fault then..”

A sharp finger finds its way to your face, the knuckle stroking your cheek in a way that makes you want to fall fast asleep. A small part of you regrets not opening the door for him sooner, maybe you could’ve had this earlier, maybe things wouldn’t have ended like this.

“..I know I said I’d haunt ya, but look what I’ve turned you into. Must’ve put you through so much, ‘m sorry..”

He’s right. You know he’s right but a part of you still wants to shake your head, adamantly deny what he’s saying. The first few weeks had been the scariest of your life.. but seeing your husband’s face again, no matter how different, still made your heart soar. You would have even admitted to being okay with dying as long as you got to see him one more time, if you still had the energy to speak. His hand is so close to your mouth, and your jaw hasn’t exactly locked in place yet, if you could just get a bit of his blood into your mouth… But of course your husband is faster than that, jerking away his hand before your teeth can clamp down on anything.

“No. No.. I can’t do that to you. Turning you into.. this, wouldn’t be able to live with myself. You don’t deserve that.”

Weeks of frustration boil over in your body, spilling out in the form of hot tears that roll down your cheeks in waves. His hand comes back to your face, close enough to comfort you but not enough to let him take you, hovering over your eyes before he finally smooths his palm over them, shutting them for you. You feel him press a gentle kiss to your forehead, one last apology before the life drains out of you.

“Maybe next time I’ll actually get to see you in heaven. Wait for me, okay?"

Inspo for demon desc. :3