John Van

(a/n: Enough with the P&A series for a while. This is my poem. Hope you get it.)

Wake up.

Cook food.

Eat breakfast.

Take a bath.

Brush teeth.

Dress up.

Get out.

Ride on.

Hop out.

Clean up.

Study hard.

Listen hard.

Understand

Do works,

Activities,

Drills.

Take quizzes.

Pack up.

Ride on.

Go back.

Clean house.

Dine in.

Do homework.

Study hard.

Sleep late.

Wake early.

Cook breakfast.

Eat it.

Bath, brush.

Clean, dress.

Walk out.

Ride in.

Arrive on.

Take exams.

Read carefully.

Answer briefly.

Time pressure.

Blank answers.

Exam’s over.

Finally.

Go home.

 Card giving.

Good grades.

Not high.

Parents.

Scold.

Not.

High.

Enough.

Not.

Satisfied.

 Run.

Room.

Tears.

Cries.

Weeps.

Stops.

Ends.

Rest.

“Mr. O’Donnel!” Mrs. Strickland shouted. “Sleeping again. No one sleeps in my class. If you’re not interested in my class, well then, door’s always open.”

 “I’m sorry ma’am. Just...” I apologized and try to explain but...

 “No more reasons. Now answer the problem on the board.”

 Heh?! Easy pissy.

  After answering the question, I got back to my seat. I don’t know why but I remembered our memories.

 “You really didn’t understand finding LCD?” she asked.

 “Yeah, duh!” I said. “Not just LCD. Whole math! I really don’t understand the point of studying math. I knew how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide.”

 “Yeah. Whatever. You really hate mathematics. While me, I really love math.” She bragged.

 “Opposite attracts!” I said. Yeah, she really love math. She even wanna be a math teacher.

  “Bro, you okay?” A husky voice asked. Suddenly my senses were back. It’s dismissal. Day’s over, finally.

 “Oh yeah. What’s up?” I greeted in response to him, Carllyle. We started to walk out of the room.

 “I’m great. But you, I’m asking you.”

 “Me?” I pointed myself.

 “Yeah. It seems that you’re not with you. Like your mind is somewhere out there.”

 “Nah, I just feel sick.” I lied. As we were walking to the locker hall, we saw something nasty, disgusting, and inappropriate.

 “Sick? Or sick of love?” Carllyle said.

 “Love? I don’t need love. Love doesn’t exist. It’s just chemical reaction in our brain. There’s no such thing as love. A true man doesn’t need a babe” I grumbled. I walked out of the locker hall. I can’t take it. Carllyle followed me.

 “Really?” he smirked.

 “Yep, dude. Can’t you see them? They’re disgusting. They’re kissing. Almost making love. Showing their love in public. In school.” I growled. I just can’t understand her. I mean them.

 “Dude, not a big deal. NOT A BIG DEAL. We’re seniors. 18 above, it’s legal.” He reasoned.

 “But please not in public.” I sighed. “I gotta go. Maybe I need some rest.”

 “Aren’t we...” He probably plan something like hanging out with him, but... “Fine, I think you really need A LOT of rest.”

   I came home at 4:36 in the afternoon. Sun’s almost down.

 “How’s school?” My mother asked.

 “Great.” I lied. I walk straight to my room.

  I lie down on my bed. I closed my eyes then sleep.

 It was 7:21 when I woke up. As I open my eyes, I saw my diary/journal/whatever you called beside my head. I tried to move cause my body aches. I get the diary/journal/whatever you called and stand up. I walk to my study table and sat on the chair. I rubbed my watery eyes before I opened the diary/journal/whatever you called. I started to continue reading it.

   January 26, 2013

  Can we skip to the part when Gellie and I are still sweet, inlove, and you know. Fine, I’ll just summarize. Every month we had a special date. Like we’re going on a restaurant. But, let’s skip to the part I gave her flowers, chocolates, and a big teddy bear which she named it Ellie. El for Elyar and Lie for Gellie. Let’s skip to the part I slept with her every weekend. Let’s skip to the moment of our kisses, cuddlings etc. Let’s skip to the part we went into a beach with our family. Let’s skip to the part of our graduation. Let’s skip to the part we were holding our hands while promising that we’ll be together until college. Skip to the part we were biking, bonding, malling, walking, running. Probably skip everything.

  July 25, 2013

 I woke up with a big smile on my face. I don’t know but I’m in a good mood today.

  A good day to bike. I started biking. I passed at Ellie’s house, well I passed here almost everyday. But this is different. As I was biking, someone shouted.

 “Elyar.”

 I stop biking and look back. The voice doesn’t seems familiar but how does a stranger know my name.

 “Elyar.” The girl with dark hair and dark eyes said. Her smile is familiar. She wore sparkling yellow dress. She seems familiar.

 “Ellie?” I asked like I’m not sure if it was her.

 “Yeah. How are you? Wow. You really changed a lot. Shoulders broader than I expected. Voice deeper. Height taller. Face, well face. You look more mature and handsome.” She look at me from head to toe, as if I’m new to her.

 “Well, yeah. Thanks. You too. Uhm, more beautiful. And more talkative.” I blurted. We laughed.

 “Oh yeah.” She raised an eyebrow.

 “I mean. You... You...” I bit my lower lip.

 “Nah. Just kidding.” She punched my arm. “So can I join you?”

 “Sure.”

 “You busy? Aren’t you going anywhere?”

 “Nah.” I lied.

 “Just a moment. I’ll go get my bike.”

   We biked together. While biking, we were chatting about our lives. How’s my place? How’s London? How’s high school here and in London?

  “Well, life at London is good. At first, it was hard. You know home-sickness. But I just got used to it.” She said.

 “Oh. So don’t you have any friends there?” I asked.

 “Of course, I have at least 3 bestfriends. Rache, Sadie, Liz and Emma. They’re all kind. We hang out a lot. They’re ok.”

 “Oh. Uhm. Can I ask you a question?”

 “Yeah. Sure. But before that can we take a rest for a while on the park?” She requested.

 “Oh yeah. Sure. That’s a good idea.”

  She sat on a bench in the park, while I  bought some snacks at the food stands that we could eat.

  “So what were you saying?” she said.

 “Ah, yeah. That can I ask if...”

 “If?” she asked with mouthful of chips.

 “If you have or had, you know a boyfriend there?” I finally asked.

 “Boyfriend?” she laughed. “No, I didn’t have one.”

 Gosh thanks. I don’t know why, but I was relieved. After all, I have a girlfriend.

 “But I have a suitor. His name is Adam.”

 “Adam?” I almost swallow my food without even chewing it.

 “Yeah. Adam Smith.” She added. I coughed. Is he an economist? Reincarnated. “You okay?”

 “Yeah. I’m fine.” I can feel my nose were getting red. “So about him?”

 “Well, he’s cute. Blonde hair. Got this appeal. He has a good taste in fashion. He has this sparkling blue eyes. Dimples. He’s quite muscular. A jock type, actually. But, I just don’t know if he’s really serious, you know with me.” She explained.

 “Oh. Great.” I smiled.

 “What do you mean great?” she asked.

 “Great. I mean, great you have many friends and... and a suitor. I think your life there is great.” That was close.

 “Nah. I almost died there.”

 “Almost died?” I asked.

 “Yep. A guy once offered me drugs. But, duh, I don’t use drugs. So he tried to punched me but good thing that my brother arrived.”

 “Then what happened with the guy?”

 “Well, luckily he got jailed.” She said.

We did chat a lot. But as I was writing this, I forgot some of the thing we had talked. I just remember her smile, beautiful and gorgeous face. Little didn’t I know, It was already 12:03 afternoon. I forgot. It was in my head earlier. Oh gosh, I’m dead. I check my phone. 32 missed calls from Gellie.

 When I reach the mall, I was nearly dying. I look around but she was nowhere to found.

  Someone knocked on my door. “Yes?”

  “Don’t you wanna eat?” She asked in response. It was my mother. She cocked her head in.

 “Uhm. I think so. I think I don’t have the apetite.”

  She finally get in my room. “You know what since you came back home, you seems tired, not just physically. I know this cause I’m your mother. So would you mind telling the truth?”

 “Nah. It’s just... It’s... It’s Gellie” I stuttered.

 “What about her?”

 “I saw her and her boyfriend.”

 “You still love her?” She asked.

 “Yeah. But I...” I answered.

 “You know her. Just remember what she just wants to you. She did not love you. She’s not worth loving. She’ s...”

 I cut her words. “Yeah mom. I know. I just don’t know why I felt pain whenever I see her with other boy. I don’t if I still love her or I just kept forcing myself to. After all she’s my first love.”

 “First love never last” she muttered. “You know what, you shouldn’t be thinking of this. Why not join us in our dinner. Food’s almost ready.”

 I woke up with a start. Sun shining through my eyes. I remember her because of the sun. Crap. I remember her everyday. She always wear yellow. She likes golden yellow, pale yellow, anything yellow.

 “You really missed her, eh?” a deep voice said.

 I jumped back. “Holy, crap. Why are you here? And why are you reading that book?” I asked my brother.

 “Hey, I’m just gonna wake you up when I notice your DIARY.” He laughed.

 “Give me that!” I was about to retrieve it when he threw it.

 “Go get down ‘cause breakfast is ready.” He said.  “And nice boner anyway.”

 “Fuck you. It’s morning wood.” I shouted.

 “I know. I also have that. Sometimes afternoon, sometimes evening.” He winked and closed the door.

 I glared on my diary for a minute.

  I climbed out of bed, put on my shirt and ran downstairs.

 “Morning.” I greeted, everybody.

 “Morning wood.” My brother said.

 “Shut up.”

 “Still not relaxing.” He laughed. I was wearing a tight boxer, so it’s still pretty obvious.

 “Would you two stop talking about that. It’s making me lose apetite.” My sister said.

 “He started it.” I protested. I rolled my eyes.

  After eating breakfast, I decided to go back to my room. No school for today, because it’s semester break. Yay. I continue reading my diary.

 December 21, 2012

 Things going great now. Why? Because this is a very special day. My bestfriend, Gellie Devries, since 6th grade is now my girlfriend. Great News!!!

 December 25,2012

 Christmas day. We had a date. It was our first date. I was really really really nervous. I don’t know what to wear, like am I going to wear formal? Tees and Jeans? Or Christmas attire?

 “Santa Claus costume would be great” my brother suggested. Stupid.

 I decided to wear tees and jeans. I walked to their house. I passed her, Ellie, house. How was her? I mean, I’m sure it’s so cold in London. Maybe she’s sitting in front of their fireplace and forgot about me. I mean, like, WHO AM I? I’m just her childhood friend whom she had a fake relationship. But I do miss her. Does she miss me too? Oh, enough of the drama.

 I knocked on their door.

 “Good evening, Elyar.”

“Happy evening Mrs. Devries. Merry christmas, ma’am.” I greeted.

“Come on in.” She offered.

 I entered their house and saw her walking downstairs. She wears yellow shirt and pants. Yellow. Right.

 “Oh here she is.” Mrs. Devries said.

 “Hi, Yar.” She greeted.

 “Hi.” I greeted her too. We were staring each other when her mother interrupted.

 “Uhm, so kids. Let’s eat dinner.”

 “Uhmm. Yeah.” I said, like I was back in my senses.

   The food was great. The night was great. After eating, we headed to her room.

 “I’m sorry for my mom.” She apologized as we entered her room.

 “Oh it’s ok.” I said. “You room’s great. I like it.”

 Her room, well, it was a nice blue room.

 “Thanks.” She said. “So what’s your Christmas gift?”

 I was so shocked when she asked that. I mean, I forgot to buy her a gift.

 I cussed, “I-I’m sorry. I forgot.”

 “It’s ok.” She said in disappointment as if she were expecting a gift.

 I held her hands and kissed it. “Don’t worry. How about shopping tomorrow.”

 She smiled. “Fine. I love you Elyar.”

 “I love you too.” I faltered.

 “Don’t cry. It’s ok. How about a movie.” I suggested.

 “Yeah, that would be great.”

I opened her player and pick a cd. We watched a movie. I don’t remember what was the title of the movie.

  A moment later, my eyes felt heavy. I looked down on her. She’s asleep. I turned off the t.v. and the player. I texted my mom that I’m not gonna be at home until tomorrow. That I’m going to sleep with her. Fortunately, she agreed. I checked the time, it’s almost 12 midnight. I also check my facebook account.

 1 friend request.

 I opened the icon with the girl and boy avatar.

 Ellie. Confirm request. Not now.

 Who’s Ellie? I don’t see much her profile picture because it’s so small. I know lots of Ellie. There’s Ellie the weirdo. Another Ellie the beautiful one. Another one, the rich and posh Ellie. And there’s Ellie I used to be a neighbor.

 Ellie I used to be a neighbor. Could it be her?

 I opened her profile. It’s really her. I opened some photos of her. She got more beautiful, sexier (I’m not saying she’s fat back then), gorgeous.

 I confirmed her request. We’re friends now. I hope that’s as easy to say as in real life.

 I was about to sleep when my phone whistled. Notification. I checked it, it was a message.

 She messaged me.

 ‘Hey. What’s up? Merry Christmas.’

 ‘Um. Hey, too. I’m fine. Thanks. Merry Christmas also. How about you? How are you? I’m sure it’s cold there’ I replied.

 Just seconds later she replied back, ‘I’m alright. Yes, it’s really cold out here. But it’s fun.’

 We’ve talked a lot about each other’s life. It was nearly sunrise when I finally decided to sleep.

  “Elyar!” I heard my sister called. “Wanna have some pancakes?”

Bars and melody Beautiful

Whoo (Charlie:) Be-a-Beautiful Don't tell me girl 'cos I'm being truthful When I tell you your perfection Take a minute look at you reflection, oh Never put yourself down 'Cos I'ma lift you up before you drown When I see you in the crowd The beat in my heart only gets louder Your head, your eyes, your style The way that you stretch and the way that you smile Girl I have been watching you for a while You will be making me run for a mile

(Charlie:) Ooohh Your personality too much to handle Ya, light up the room like a candle Can't you see girl I hope you believe in destiny

(Charlie:) The day I met you, I became somebody Now, I'm standing next to you You make me feel like somebody Tell me what you wanna do I just wanna be with you Wanna be with you Just wanna be with you Tell me baby what you wanna do

(Leondre:) Come over here, we don't need to think about it Life is too fast to overthink about it It comes down what I don't want to lose Million girls in the world but I choose you You got some in the vibe, the way you move The way you talk I want to prove to you That I ain't fake, it's give or take Wanna slow it down for the emergency break 'Cos you got something that I need My heart's with you just listen, believe Don't be shy when I hold you close You're the only one I ever want the one I want the most (oohh)

(Charlie:) The day I met you, I became somebody Now, I'm standing next to you You make me feel like somebody Tell me what you wanna do I just wanna be with you Wanna be with you Just wanna be with you Tell me baby what you wanna do

(Charlie:) Your eyes they shine to me Your imperfections past me You are perfect the way that you are I'll be the sky and you'll be a star I could be a moon to your light You add the goodness to my night Now, rest your head and go to sleep I will be yours for you to keep

(Leondre:) Baby girl don't be shy, come dance with me Me and you on the dancefloor has to be When I hold you close baby my boo 'Cos you give me a sweet taboo Your heart's locked up give me the key Forever my lady you made me see When I'm with you, girl they don't faze me In my arms you're a charm you should show it baby We should slow down, if you're gonna be mine Don't need to rush let's take our time (Skip a beat) Skip a beat, everytime you're around Baby you could be my brandy, I wanna be down

(Charlie:) Ooohh Your personality too much to handle Ya, light up the room like a candle Can't you see girl I hope you believe in destiny

Parents:

How was your exam?

ME:

I knew it. They're gonna surprise me.

  "Surprise!!! Happy 18th Birthday Elyar." My parents surprised me, along with my brothers and sisters.

 "Oh come on. I thought you forgot." I hugged them.

 "Of course..." My mother said.

  "Of course we forgot. We just remember just an hour ago." My brother laughed.

 "Yeah whatever. Anyway, let's eat." I suggested.

  I sat on the chair. Beside me was my sister, Maia. She's my youngest sister. 9 years old younger than me. Dark-haired and dark-eyed. I'm taller than her of course.

 Beside her was my older brother. We are so really very much different. I'm cute-handsome, he's handsome-handsome. You know. He's lean and muscular, I just have biceps and some abs of course. He's a fighter, I'm not. I do not like boxing, kicking and whatnot. I am good boy, I mean man, he's some kind of a playboy.

 Anyway in front of me was my dad. Beside him my mom and beside her was my other sister, Luna.

 She proclaimed that she's the most beautiful to them. Well, I hate to admit. But yes. (Somehow, I think.)

 I have 2 other sister, but they're in other countries. One is working in London, the other is in Canada.

  While we were eating, my brother broke the silence.

 "Hey guess what. She arrived yesterday."

 "Oh great."

  The rest of the night was fun.

  I decided to go to my room, after we have watched a movie.

  I stared at my journal/diary/whatever you called it.

  I decided to continue reading it.

  November 28, 2010

 It's been a long time not writing here, eh? Like me and Ellie. I don't know, after that movie marathon we never talked, never smiled, or never hi-ed.

 Maybe because my father discovered the secret relationship of my sister and her brother. And I think that greatly affects our relationship. We're not even friends now.

 I decided to go biking, I passed at her house.

 It’s seems that they’re gonna leave. But I notice all the clothesbag they were carrying.

 “Hi, Mrs. Sommerfeld.” I greeted her mom.

 “Hello there Elyar. A great day to bike.” She said.

 “Oh, yes. Great.” I gigled. “Where are you going? Are you going to a vacation or something?”

 “Oh, no. We’re going to migrate.” She answered. I saw Mr. Sommerfeld, getting the clothesbag in the car.

 “Morning Mr. Sommerfeld” I greeted him. He smiled. He was dressed in sando and shorts. “Migrate where?” I looked back to Mrs. Sommerfeld.

 “London.” She said. A girl in yellow dress came out of their door. She wore sparkling sandals. It was Ellie. “There you are my dear.”

 “Have a safe trip, Mrs. Sommerfeld.” I said. I smiled on Ellie. She didn’t smiled back. She didn't even can’t look to my eyes. I started to bike.

 “You too, my dear. Be safe.” She shouted.

 I wanna talk to her. I wanna talk about us. I was more than 10 km away from their house when I looked back. But they’re gone.

It's raining outside. So cold. I don't know what to do. I mean, it's so boring.

 I decided to clean my room. As I was cleaning under my bed whenI found my diary. Or should I call it journal. It was dirty, dusty and old. Some parts of the cover were ripped apart.

 I started to read it...

 August 8, 2008

It was a sunny afternoon, my sister and I had a deal. She'll go to his boyfriend and she'll let my girl visit me. But I must call her and warn her if our parents came home.

 "But promise me to come back before 6 p.m." I said.

 "Yes, father. I swear." she promised.

 "Whatever. I'm not your father. I'm not anyone's father." I grumbled. "But soon..."

 "Oh no, Elyar. Not now. You're still not circumcised." she protested.

 "Just leave." I rolled my eyes.

 Then she kissed me on my cheeks and leave. Eeew. By the way his boyfriend is just a house away. And my girl is his sister.

  Minutes later, Ellie, my girl came.

 She wore golden yellow shirt and skirt. She really is beautiful.

 "Uhm. hey!" I greeted her. "Come on in."

 "So what are you busy for?" She asked.

 "Oh, just reading. What do you want? Juice? Milk? Cookies?" I asked her.

 "Orange Juice please." she ordered. I smiled.

   While I was preparing juice for her. I heard her shouting, "Uhm, El. How about  a movie. So, what do you think?"

  "Uhm. Yeah, great idea El. I'll bring cookies, then." I shouted back.

  "Ok." She agreed.

 A minute later. I lunged to the living room with a tray in my hand.

  "Yay. Thank you, El." She said while getting her juice and cookie.

 "Sure, El. So what are we going to watch?" I asked. Even though I knew what was playing on the T.V.

  "Sleeping Beauty." We both said in chorus.

 "Again." I also said.

 "Oh come on El. It's so beautiful." she protested.

 "I think this is the millionth time you're gonna watch this." I guessed. "But hands up. I'm gonna end this war."

 She smiled. I love her smile.

    We were in the part of the movie that they were dancing in the forest, when I realized we were holding our hands. She looked up to me. I smiled and she went back leaning on my shoulder.

  "Elyar, dinner's ready. Come on down here." My mother called.

   "Uhm. Yeah. I'll be down in a minute." I shouted back. I closed the book and put it on my study table.

I remember the day we were holding our hands.

We were watching Sleeping Beauty.

Cause we believed in fairy tales those days.

We believed in happy endings, forevers, and eternal love.

 But we were so young that time.

We barely know the meaning of love.