John Hex Carter

SP. 102 - 12 Monkeys (1995)

civilization 5 barbarians: a small rapscallion of a skeleton. his heart is full of malice that his tiny body cannot accomplish, so he settles for smacking your beverages off of the coffee table when you aren’t looking. his shenanigans are tiresome

civilization 6 barbarians:

this fucking dude -

“the beast walks,” said Harshsmell the dwarf emperor, stroking his expansive shield-beard.

“and the Fifth Age of this world comes to a bony end,” moaned Bibarel the elf, prancingly.

“that isn’t true,” said a shadow near the wall. a man stepped out of it. four swords glittered on his back, and a hood covered his face.

“who are you, and how the balls did you get into my throne room?!’ shrieked Harshsmell

“I have come to put an end to this giant skeleton bullshit”

“fool!” shouted Harshsmell beardily. “no mere man can kill Fuckmountain! he pisses fire! his teeth are made of diamonds, and inside his head are thoughts only of malice and fucking shit up. no heart lies in his chest, because he’s a FUCKING SKELETON. he’s literally made of bones, the least-stabbable organ. you can’t kill that, dipshit”

“I’m gonna.”

“he ate two castles,” Harshsmell continued, moaning. “at the same time. i was there.”

the man stood his ground. Harshsmell glared at him dwarfily. “GUARDS! this man distresses me. take him away”

the guards moved forward to seize the intruder, but he stood his ground. though his face was not visible, Bibarel studied him.

“friend, is that Skullantula the Up-Fucker that you carry?” he asked

“it is,” said the man. he unsheathed one of his swords. it was made of jagged blood, but inscribed on the side with ancient elfin magic was a skull. both of the skull’s eyes were eight-balls.

the guards stopped in their tracks. one of them gave the sword an appraising nod and a thumbs up

“and Stabslicer the Grim,” the man continued, “and the Killblade of the Metalzillas, and the Large Fucking Hellscalpel, the last sword forged by the hands of the fire wizards of Double Lava Mountain”

“the fire wizards,” rumbled Harshsmell, “have been dead for two hundred years”

“and I’m the one who killed them”

“holy shit. fuck.”

“yeah, I know, right?”

“who are you, that could do such great things? no one man should have all that power”

“i am no man,” said the intruder, and finally pulled back his hood to reveal his face. he was three wolves. “I am Three-Wolves. I am three wolves.”

“forsooth,” Bibarel medievaled.

“yeah, pretty much” Three-Wolves said. “so are we stabbing some skeleton motherfuckers or not?”

Harshsmell fretted at his shield-beard. the long-fossilized remains of ancient side-dishes fell from its depths and shattered on the floor. “for the past thousand years, no dwarven army has left the depths of our mountain home, The Home Mountain. you will march alone”

“but your dwarfiness,” Bibarel interjected, “perhaps we can still help? we could offer him a mount.”

Three-Wolves stared stoically through one of the throne room’s many window-axes. “i was just gonna get an Uber or something”

“this is no mere transportation that we offer you, friend,” preened Bibarel. “it is the lord of the giant war scorpions, Bloodvizier VII, King of the Bugmoors”

“his mighty carapace is stronger than dwarven kill-steel,” Harshsmell boasted. “and his bitey things are like fearsome spears, if the spears were really fucking sharp and full of poison and attached to a scorpion”

“bears piss themselves at the very mention of his name,” Bibarel said. “not even little bears. the big ones”

“hell yea,” said Three-Wolves. “i’ll take it. also also the elf, because I need directions”

the journey was a long and arduous one, past the lightning spires of Napalm Druid Valley and across the abyssal Killfjord of the Squid Wizard. they knew they were getting close when they saw the giant head of an evil skeleton across the horizon, because that is what they were looking for

Bibarel stared in elfish terror as the beast Fuckmountain Deathmonster swallowed an entire mountain of swords, then ate a handful of catapults for dessert “already he has slain the hobbit viking warhost from the lawless northern lands of Fuckshire. do you truly think you can stab such a terror?”

“stabbing is for assholes,” Three-Wolves said. “i’m gonna skip straight to killing him”

Three-Wolves adjusted his vorpal codpiece and unsheathed all of his swords, and his cape billowed dramatically in front of the sun. then he kicked the war scorpion and they took off at a full arachnogallop across the obsidian plains, which were entirely covered in hobbit blood

seeing them approach, Fuckmountain reared back and stuffed a fair maiden into his mouth. her skin was as white as snow, fresh snow and not the shitty old stuff, and her bosom was really big. “please don’t come any closer!” she shrieked “it will eat me if you do”

but Three-Wolves did not hold any pity or lust in his three separate, discrete wolf hearts, only vengeance. he leapt from Bloodvizier VII and did six backflips before landing on Fuckmountain’s head. Fuckmountain roared, and lava shot from his eyes and melted swords shot from his skeleton dick. while he was roaring, Three-Wolves swung down and hurled the legendary sword Stabslicer the Grim into one of his eye sockets

“fool!” Bibarel moaned, from the middle of a giant puddle of his own fear pee “he doesn’t have eyes for you to stab!”

“i wasn’t stabbing shit,” Three-Wolves shouted back “it’s just hard to hold four swords, and i never liked that one”

he reached inside of his cloak and pulled out a dagger made out of enchanted hell-uranium, and covered with chainsaw blades. he pushed a button and they all glowed, but they glowed black

“it can’t be!” Bibarel gurgled. “the Laser Edge of the Starlich has been lost for aeons”

“like balls it has!!” Three-Wolves bellowed a mighty war bellow and sliced off Fuckmountain’s head, and stabbed him through the spine, and cut off his skeleton dick. he landed, and all the evil skeleton dust was already blowing away behind him

“friend, that was truly amazing” Bibarel gushed. “you have saved our kingdom!”

“yeah i totally did,” Three-Wolves said, stoically sheathing all of his weapons, and putting the safety cap back onto his vorpal codpiece “but there’s an even badder guy out there”

“what could ever be worse than a giant lava-pissing skeleton?”

“this” Three-Wolves said. he held up a stone covered in runes, and decorated with crystals made out of the souls of powerful monster-stabbers “it was in his head or some shit”

“a Thrall-Stone of Beam'uvee” Bibarel gasped. “but the art of making those is lost. there’s only one people who ever knew how to make them”

Decoration zu der Oper : Die Zauberflöte.

Drawings of North Korean concentration camp by an escaped prisoner. 

The Hello Kitty Murder

Set in Hong Kong

Fan Man-Yee, a 23 old club hostess was kidnapped by 3 men. She owed them some money so they decided that they would put her to work as a prostitute. Their plans changed due to the fact that they were having too much fun torturing her instead. They lit her feet on fire, they used every appliance they could find to torture her, they made her drink oil, urine, and even poured really hot sauce onto her wounds. Those are just some of the tamer things they did to her.

Needless to say she died. They cut up her body and boiled it. Her skull was stuffed into a Hello Kitty Mermaid Doll. This is where things get a little bit super-natural. A 14 year old girl, who was the girlfriend of one of the men that tortured Fan, went to the police to complain about Fan’s ghost haunting her. She said that her ghost would not let her sleep. The police investigated her house and found the Hello Kitty doll along with even MORE evidence.

It turns out that the girl had helped torture Fan. When asked why she helped, she said, “Well….I did it for fun. Just to see what it was like to hurt someone.”

Horror Short Films

Some of these short films may contain material that may be sensitive to some people. Watch at your own descretion.

Here we go, in no particular order.

1- EXIT Based on the short story by Harry Farjeon, this short film written/directed by William Zimbler is about a man who demonstrates a very unsettling “trick.” It stars Julian Glover (“Game of Thrones”, “The Empire Strikes Back”).

2- Playing with the Devil A short horror film based on the Japanese ritual of Hitori Kakurenbo or “One Man Tag” Terror ensues as the three sisters find out why they shouldn’t conduct such rituals

3- No Through Road Based on the Clifton Bunny Man urban legend, this found footage style short is about four 17 year old boys were found dead in their car at an abandoned farm, 10 miles from their hometown. This video contains the unedited footage from the camera belonging to one of the boys, also found in the car.

4-Lights Out David Sandberg won “Best Director” for the Who’s There film challenge for this unsettling 3 minute short. I suggest watching with your lights turned off.

5- The 3:07 Project The Conjuring’s production team put on a one-minute horror film fest called The 3:07 Project, so named in honor of the “devil’s hour,” when the movie’s most notable demon action happens. Vice and The Conjuring’s team invited four directors to make a 60-second film inspired by the “devil’s hour.” The video linked about is what the end result was.

6- 2 AM: The Smiling Man This film is based off of a story on the subreddit Let’s Not Meet. A man takes a late night stroll and encounters an unsettling stranger. The video and story both do a great job of taking something as comforting as a smile and turning it into something sinister.

7- Mama The short film that inspired Guillermo del Toro’s horror movie of the same name.

8- Alma This animated short is about a little girl and a creepy doll shop. One with a great ending.

9- Maniac A film crew follows two serial killers documenting their exploits. Directed by Shia LaBeouf and starring Scott Mescudi and Chris Palko.

10- There’s A Man in the Woods Another animated short film. This one is about a teacher who deals with a boy spreading false rumors around school. Oh, and it all rhymes.

Don Julian was a hermit who lived in a shack located on the island. He claimed that the ghost of a young girl who drowned in the canal haunted him. To appease her angry spirit, Julian began collecting baby dolls and hanging them from the trees for her to play with. In 2001, Julian was found dead by his nephew. He had drowned in the same canal as the girl who tormented him through out his life.

Tourists who visit the island today claim to hear the dolls whispering and some of the dolls open and shut their eyes on their own accord. The island has been featured on the Syfy Channel show Destination Truth, in which a paranormal investigating team spent the night on the island. They had a terrifying experience, seeing apparitions, feeling inexplicable paranoia, and hearing disembodied voices.

There have been accounts of these dolls speaking in different tongues and moving their heads.

In the spirit of Halloween, here are some of @autumnisia‘s favorite classic short horror stories. Feel free to suggest any of your own in the comments!

The Whole Town’s Sleeping by Ray Bradbury

The Veldt by Ray Bradbury

The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

A Good Man Is Hard To Find by Flannery O’ Connor

The Lottery by Shirley Jackson

The Masque of the Red Death by Edgar Allen Poe 

The Monkey’s Paw by W.W. Jacobs

Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been? by Joyce Carol Oates

A Collapse of Horses by Brian Evenson

Premium Harmony by Stephen King

⪧  vulptex (pl. vulptices)

“The idea is that these wonderful sort of feral creatures had lived on this planet (Crait) and had consumed the planet’s surface, and as such had become crystalline. They live within the burrows and within the tunnels beneath the planet,” Neal Scanlan, head of the Star Wars creature shop, says. “So there is a time where their ability to shine within the darkness, should provide a guiding light to our heroes.”

Straight guys and gay girls can enjoy gal gadot in armor.

Gay guys and straight girls can enjoy a mostly naked Chris pine

Bi/pan people get to enjoy both