heh.

i made an “evil sim” or at least the closest i could do to it, shez materialistic, self-absorbed, gregarious and self-assured. all she does is train her skills and fuck

probably bought that robe on aliexpress

her house looks like a taco bell

it is

the other night i tried to make a curry and i got chilli burns all over my face, so i thought to myself ‘hang on, doesn’t milk soothe chilli burns? it does’ and i couldn’t google because i couldn’t see so i just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour out a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned my electricity off, which i didn’t notice at first because i had my face in a bowl of milk and when i did emerge from the dairy prison i thought i had gone blind with chilli burns. so no i don’t really cook much.

you think you want me to shut up? i have to listen to myself even when im not talking

wow this is a fucking mood

once on halloween in high school i decided that i would give myself a treat and “forget” my gym uniform and therefore lose participation credit for the day because you cant participate without the uniform. and the teacher was like, “if you’re in costume you don’t lose credit today because halloween,” and was listing off students who were visibly in costume who would get basically free credit, and she said my name much to my surprise and i realized that. she had never seen me in my regular clothes more than once or twice a couple months previously. she thought i was in costume. she had no idea i was just super fuckin goth.

I mean even the raw sentiment of giving yourself a gift of no gym class on Halloween is goth enough in itself

Zoo staff don’t understand it but I do.

just like malware is short for “malicious software”, delaware is short for “delicious software”

that cat smoked 3 packs a day for 20 years

“woah, wow, woah”

get this cat a jazz contract, stat

HAUSVIABEJSBAKMSJDK WHAT IS THIS OMFG I LOVE HIM 😭

Imagine staying over at their place for the first time and shitting yourself in the middle of the night because you think james earl jones is meowing at you from the door

oh my god

Doesn’t hurt to reblog this. Worst that can happen is I don’t get any of that $50000000 bajillion dollars