la la la.

Every single time someone mentions police role-playing in a sexual context I think of this tinder interaction and I instantly become absolutely stricken with laughter

i get into a horrific car accident while carrying a crock pot full of meatballs in the passenger seat. at the hospital, the surgeons cannot sort out which chunks of meat are me and which are not, so I end up with several meatballs sewn into my guts. despite this I make a full recovery, and they elect not to remove the meatballs because quote 'they seem comfy in there.' i go on the talk show circuit and become moderately famous as The Meatballs Woman. when i die i am buried under a gravestone with meatballs carved on it. in the year 2438, a grad student from what is now Cambodia who is studying the late pre-collapse American Empire writes her thesis on this, concluding that I probably never existed and was a conflation of several real stories and urban legends. years later, a pop-history book wildly misinterprets this and several other things, arguing for the existence of a historic American religious pantheon including figures like The Meatballs Woman, Florida Man, Emperor Norton, etc. this book sells bizarrely well and inspires a new neo-pagan movement, which in turn leads to a weird shipping community, resulting in a small but vibrant scene of ABO fics featuring me and MrBeast (who in this context has been interpreted as a god of excess and trickery)

I mean you've threatened to kill me a bunch of times. You once told me you were gonna drown me in a river like a kangaroo.

i am not one for broad assumptions and everyone has their own valid reasons for disliking things for example i dislike apes due to their scary nipples but i must admit i was very close friends with a guy who hated horses with an unusual passion and now the restraining order against him is hung up next to my horse themed calendar