i do this often.

“ nope! i mean…not that i know of “

Shows how out of touch I am.

Grandparents and Parents alike. There’s too many times where my mom would call me up, asking if I found - as she would say it, “a hot stud”. I tell her she’s not twenty anymore. I think it’s more of a worry thing really.

-- Your mom refers to your boyfriends as hot studs? She’s with the times. My nana still calls every eligible girl on the planet a fair little lady.

Probably. My mom gives me the whole ‘you need to find yourself a man’ lecture every time she visits and I just kind of sit there thinking ‘I just started my career and I’m getting settled, leave me alone lady.’ Make sure it has Winnie the Pooh on it. She’ll love it. 

Winnie the Pooh, you say? I should make a gift basket of honey to go with it. Curious, though, what is your career?

Never, you will never make it up for them.

Unacceptable. You gotta help me. Please?

So you enjoy studying people? Thats cool. Well, I haven’t written a biography yet… so maybe we could go grab coffee and get to know one another?

I guess I do. ...Yeah. We could do that. Where do you usually like to get your coffee?

Well, lucky for you, I like nerdy. Which biographies have you read?

More like which ones have I not. Historical figures, musicians, world record holders. My favorites are the really niche subjects, you know, like travel journal writers and weird hobbyists. 

That is a fantastic show, so no shame there. You’re letting your family down, how dare you.

Hey, I like the way you think. I know, I know. How will I ever save myself from this level of great failure?

“I think they get off on it or something-oh god okay no that was a terrible thing to say. But really-If I go to any sort of family event it’s the first or second thing out of their mouth. I think it’s got something to do with their aging brains…”

Wow, my innocent grandparents. Really though, it’s like their mission in life is to introduce us to anyone remotely within our age bracket in the hopes we’ll be hitting it off and getting hitched in Vegas.

It’s just what appeals to me really. I was always kind of a weird kid anyway. What about you?

Ooh, you’re gonna think I’m nerdy. I really like biographies.

Well you can’t blame them for that, that’s the dream isn’t it?

Definitely, considering the embarrassing amount of times I’ve listened to the Hedwig and the Angry Inch soundtrack. But, I guess they’ll just have to settle.

Probably either Fight Club or… Dante’s Inferno. I also really enjoyed American Psycho.

Chuck Palahniuk is a legend. You have pretty dark tastes.

Mine gave up shortly after I told them that if I ever did settle down it wouldn’t be with a male, maybe that’s the trick.

Oh, but they would be so disappointed. All they’ve ever wanted out of life is for their grandson to be the next Niel Patrick Harris with the two kids in costume and the lovely husband.

I think they’re still set in their ways that you have to be twenty something, with a good salaried job and three kids. So they don’t understand that in this day and age, it’s okay to be thirty and not married. Not that you are thirty, just an example. 

Nah, you’re close. I’m twenty-eight. So I guess to grandma that spells trouble? I should stitch her a “Sorry I’m A Letdown” pillow. She’d get a kick out of that.

Halloween is probably one of my favorite holidays. And I specialize in cupcakes but we also do macaroons, breakfast pastries. We also do coffees and stuff. The main theme of the shop is literature so we have a full stocked library of books for people to read and look at when they’re in the shop and then the outside bin of books is for people to take home and keep. We get book donations from book stores going out of business, libraries, stuff like that. Its worked out so far.

No kidding? A book bakery. Hm. Alright, so then what’s your favorite book?

It gets more and more each year. But Christmas time and Halloween are huge sellers.

I love Halloween. I mean Christmas is alright but Halloween --- the only themed party I’ve ever liked was a Halloween party. What kind of stuff do you make?

fractioussam: