Most of my blog posts are aimed at helping people enter this magical relationship enriching Alternative Marriage Lifestyle. I do this as my way of paying it forward because when my husband and I were looking for real truthful information on how this Lifestyle works on a day to day basis for an average couple, we got lost in the caption writers fantasies about how they wished it worked.
Just so you know, I’m not saying it doesn’t work that way for some couples, but then most experienced Hotwives don’t need any advice from me about how to go about it. As for me I don’t get off on having men cum all over my face, or being spit roasted.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to get up on my soapbox again. I’m going in a different direction today. As part of the coaching process, once a couple has made the decision to go forward with the Hotwife Lifestyle, and the wife is going to open up her end of the marriage to date other men, how does she do that?
I have sex with men I meet to fulfill a fantasy that my husband has of sharing me with other men for the benefit of making our own relationship better and stronger by sharing all the details with him. Do I enjoy having a personal sex life of my own that is independent of my marriage to Michael? You bet your ass!
When a sexy guy is flirting with me it is a huge turn on knowing I can take it as far as I want because it’s what my husband wants me to do. I can’t imagine any woman who truly understands the benefits of this Lifestyle who wouldn’t want to live it every day of her life!
So how do I do it? Not every woman can meet men the way I do. Most of the women I work with have a unique set of circumstances and I help them on an individual basis but today I am going to explain how I do it.
Michael and I have a guide line that we call my Hotwife Rules of Engagement. It’s designed to keep me safe and it addresses something that I agreed to early on. Michael is/was not comfortable with me dating one guy over and over as if I was his girlfriend. His thinking is from a fear that I might accidentally bond emotionally with a “boyfriend” type of relationship.
Personally I was not as worried about that as Michael, but being a Hotwife is no different than any other aspect of marriage that requires give and take to make it work, so that is our agreement.
I preach that that a Hotwife needs to have total autonomy over the dating process so that she stays inside her comfort zone without input from her husband about who she can date.
I get asked all the time how I do it. How do I meet men? What do I do when I meet Mr. Tonight? Where do we go? What do I say?
I am an urban dweller. I live in a high rise condo in downtown. Within a five minute drive there several upscale hotels. Some have lounges and some have lobby bars. We also belong to a supper club that is attached by a sky bridge to one of the hotels.
A woman that is out of practice dating and or flirting who is entering this Lifestyle with no recent practical experience doesn’t realize how simple it is to meet men and let herself get picked up. All she needs is the right attitude, an outgoing engaging smile, a willingness to make eye contact, and to act like she wants to be there. The men do all the heavy lifting.
If you meet a guy with whom you feel sexual chemistry, let’s call him Mr. Tonight, the only thing you have to do is not send him a negative aura, and don’t say no. It’s as simple as that.
When I am out at night to meet someone I typically go out alone. I may go to the Club and sit at the bar and have a drink. The standard approach line is “Are you waiting for your husband?” Or “Is anyone sitting here?”, or any number of simple test questions to gauge my interest. Sometimes they simply sit down and ask if they can buy me a drink.
If I am not interested I do not respond positively and they usually take the hint and move on. I wear an ankle bracelet. I wear it whenever I am not working. I have said many times that it has been my experience that wearing an ankle bracelet serves no useful purpose in identifying me by my status as a Hotwife. I wear it because occasionally it’s a conversation point, and it makes me feel good about my status as a Hotwife, but having said that, the subject almost never comes up. Men are focused on my wedding rings, not my ankle bracelet!
This is what I think about that. If I am sitting in a bar without my husband, and I’m wearing my wedding rings, and I am letting a man flirt with me, and I am sending him positive vibes, he doesn’t care if I am a hotwife out hunting, or a bored wife looking for a little excitement outside of her own bedroom.
The only thing he cares about is that he and I are sharing the same space at the same time and he has a shot at soiling a married woman. It is a fact based on my experience that married men prefer playing with married women.
It is also a fact based on my experience that younger single men prefer to play with older married women. Please feel free to disagree with me if you wish, but keep in mind I said I was referring to my own experiences.
As a side note, my girlfriend Jill, who is divorced, still wears her wedding rings when she goes out for the very same reason but takes it a step further by using them to hide behind if she gets approached by a toad.
The men I target when I am out hunting are upscale professional men that are typically traveling to Tampa on business, which is why I choose the downtown upscale hotel bars.
So let’s say an interesting guy has approached me and he likes what he sees and I like what I see. “Are you waiting for your husband?” He might ask. If I want him to engage me I make it clear my husband is not in my picture that night.
“No my husband is in Dallas tonight.” Or, “I’m not really sure where he is, I’m not waiting for anyone, I just decided to stop by for a drink.”
“May I join you?” He will ask. I pick my purse up off the empty seat.
If I am only lukewarm I might say something noncommittal like, “I’m just here having a drink.” That doesn’t tell him anything at all but leaves it open, but in this particular situation I wanted him to join me.
When a married guy meets a married woman in that situation they don’t want to know too much too soon. They ask me chatty questions that are not intrusive like “are you from here?” Or, are you in Tampa on business?”
This gives me a chance to steer the conversation based on how much information/bullshit I share. If I let him start buying me drinks, things will slowly escalate. Men like to get into my personal space. If I am sending positive signals they like to get physically closer to me.
If I start talking about being a pissed off wife, men can relate to that and they like to touch me. They pat my hand or my arm or find a few strands of hair to put back in place. This is a test to see how tolerant I am of physical contact, and depending on the situation and the guy, and the alcohol, I can be pretty tolerant, unless I am groped, which is always a deal killer but very rarely happens in upscale bars.
My knees are also a place that men like to pat and or eventually rest the palm of their hand on. I wonder if that is like a dog marking his territory. Anyway, if I’m into it I don’t mind unless his hand drifts too far upward.
Like I said, men like to test my tolerance so sometimes it’s just a question of placing my hand over his in a blocking motion. Men usually take that hint, but if it’s late and I am ready to go to his room I might say something like, “If you are going to keep doing that we need to go someplace else.”
I used that line on a very young man I met in a hotel lounge last January that I wrote about in my blog. I had been telling my bloggers that my success rate was in the 90% range because I knew how to do it now.
When Michael and I had been playing The Chili’s Game my success rate was pitiful, because I didn’t know what I was doing.
My husband called me out on it and wanted me to prove it, so I told him to meet me downtown at 8:30 where Jill worked giving me a 30 minute head start. I was already practically hooked up by the time he sat down in the lounge. He got an eyeful.
The young gym rat in town on business was rubbing my leg and I covered his hand and told him he was being very naughty. He told me that he knew I liked it though and then he kissed me. I wasn’t expecting it, but it played right into what I was trying to show my husband.
I told him if he was going to keep doing that to me we needed to go somewhere else. He said, “OK Let’s go up to my room. Michael watched me leave the bar and get on the elevator with him.
That is not the norm but it does happen that way sometimes. A more typical close happens when the club closes, and he says “Where can we go now?” He knows where he wants me to go, but is hoping I will give him a hint. Sometimes I do. I might say, “Where are you staying?” He says “I am staying here in the hotel”, or “I am staying across the street in the hotel.”
If I am ready to close the deal all I have to say is, “Do you have one of those little honor bar things in your room?”
It doesn’t matter whether they do or they don’t because they are going to say they do and I am going to go with them to their room. I’m not going up there for a drink. I am going up there to have sex with him. We both understand that. It’s called “Communication”.
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