Becoming a Hotwife

April 13, 2019

I have been an Alternative Marriage Lifestyle Blogger and Wife Sharing Advocate for five years so I’m not exactly your new kid on the block talking about the Hotwife Lifestyle.

During that time, my message has not changed, although I have experimented with my method of delivering the message a few times and will probably continue to do so, going forward.

The more readers I get, the more advice I get about the things I am doing wrong presenting my message, never mind that the number of people actually reading my message is growing every week.  In addition to my website I publish my message on two Blogsites and I get a weekly report from both of them.

My husband built my website for me.  I learned how to upload my content.  I’m comfortable using it.  It works. I get 1 or 2 emails a week from people who have “analyzed” my website and want me to “optimize” my potential.

I don’t care about any of that.  I don’t care that I am using old technology or that my website is boring because it doesn’t have graphics that “pop”.  I don’t care. I’m not interested in putting stuff on my website to “drive traffic”.  I’m not even sure what that means but it’s a term “they” use to try and sell me stuff I don’t understand, I don’t want, and I don’t care about. I don’t track anything at all.  I don’t care. People are reading my stuff because they want to.  I’m not getting paid by anyone about anything I publish.

I need to digress a minute here because that might change when we launch our YouTube channel.  We haven’t decided what to call it but maybe something like Cooking for Hotwives, or Cooking with Blondes, or something like that.  So what is it?

It’s going to be a legitimate cooking channel, since that is my second passion.  It will also have a veiled Hotwife Lifestyle Message added in, that Michael thinks we can sneak past the censors using outrageous humor with sexual innuendo that might be edgy PG rated.

Why are we considering doing this?  If you are a married individual reading this, you are hopefully familiar with the concept of negotiation, give and take, and compromise.  If you haven’t figured that out, you probably don’t have a Hotwife, and never will because you never grasped the concept of “Happy wife, happy life.”

I am married to the consummate Capitalist.  If there is one thing Michael is really good at, it’s business.  He knows how to make money because he knows how to sell stuff. He can sell ice to the Eskimos!

Yes, I am aware that was politically incorrect humor.  I am not apologetic, so don’t bother sending me hate mail saying that I have offended you, hoping I will apologize.  I’m not a politician that apologizes to anyone that I have pissed off.  I don’t need your vote and hate mail doesn’t make me cry any more.

Anyway, Michael and I have a great lifestyle, except that so far, in the years I have been publishing my thoughts, ideas, and Lifestyle advice, I have passed on several offers to get paid a lot of money using my message. That has been a major irritant to my Capitalist husband.

I’m not talking about porn. I’m talking about putting advertising on my website, sponsorships, and being paid for writing exclusive use stuff, for other’s to publish, under my name, to sell on various Mainstream Lifestyle columns. (not Forums)

I won’t do that because that makes my message a commercial thing, and that would dilute my message and make me like everyone else that has zero credibility in my eyes because they are profiting from the message.  I don’t want to be viewed through those glasses.

So, for the past five years, Michael has compromised with me.  He lets me make the decisions, about stuff he knows I will not compromise with him about, and has accepted the fact that nothing about his vision of my “brand” is ever going to be for profit.

Now, it’s time for me to do some compromising with him, even though he did some compromising to get me on board with this concept of his, for me to have a YouTube Channel as a commercial venture that is totally separate from my blogs, and website, AlexisMcCall.com.

I will only be known as Alexis on my cooking channel and I will announce when we go live, to all of my readers and followers, but other than that, there will be no other connection to Alexis McCall.

It will be a for profit venture as a compromise to Michael, supported by “likes” on YouTube which we will get paid for, Patrons, who want access to behind the scenes stuff, and advertisers who want me to promote stuff for them.

One of Michael’s compromises to get me to agree to do this was that I could give you all this heads up, that you won’t be getting any more Hotwife Lifestyle Alternative Marriage information over there than you are already getting here.  You won’t even see as much of me as there is on my website, but you will probably get to see another side of me, if you care.

Michael’s Capitalist Business Theory is why should I give something away for free, that I can sell? Think about that for a second.  OK!  I’ll cut him some slack.  We met up in Nassau, Bahamas, for a few days to talk about family stuff, and what to do next, and he got too much sun, and too much rum, and wasn’t thinking clearly when he said that to me.

When I pointed out triumphantly that I was already giving it away for free, I realized I had made a mistake even before the words were out my mouth.  I knew what was coming back in spite of the sun and rum.  “Alexis, you are only half right about that.”  He said.  Touché, Michael.

If you don’t understand that comment it’s because you haven’t read our story on my website, which is free, has no advertisers, and doesn’t track anything.  Did I already say that?

That’s important to me. I care that people can find it, either by typing in my name or typing in keywords that will help them find me.  That’s it. I don’t care that my website is boring, uses old technology, or that it doesn’t pop.  I only care about sharing the information I put up there because I am paying it forward.  So that’s that about my website.

I get about 100 or so emails a week that are meaningful to me not counting the email I get from the Morals Police, who hope my Soul rots in hell, because of my vile message, and from my few personal friends, who thankfully outnumber the emails I get from Morals Police, and from those men who would like to become my friend, who or ask me out, because they are going to be in Tampa, on business, or on vacation. I love hearing from all of you. So thank you for that.

I answer every one of my emails, eventually, unless it is ‘not relevant’.  If you care more about my bra size than my message, or want to send me panties to wear for a day, and then send them back, don’t expect a reply.

Answering my email is a promise I made to myself and to my readers, early on.  Do I prioritize them?  Yes, I do. Absolutely!  My first priority is my Mary’s now that I have figured out that part of my message.

We are the women of the world who make this Lifestyle happen in the, now, 58 Countries of the world I have heard from.  You go girl!

Without our wiliness to participate in fulfilling the desire of our men, to share us with other men, you would be left with nothing but your fantasy.  Think about that for a minute.  If you have the very normal fantasy to share your wife with other men, which most men have, but are usually not willing to acknowledge openly, I’m talking to you directly.

The difference between having a fantasy about sharing your wife and your desire to turn your fantasy into her reality is this much. (Dr. Lexi* is holding her thumb and forefinger about an inch (25mm) apart.) I’m just saying.

Dr. Lexi* is using international units of measure now to show she is diversified, except she is NOT diversified enough to drive on the left hand side of the road in The Bahamas, and, BVI.  I’m having a blonde issue getting that foreign concept figured out.  

New subject:  I’m experimenting with being briefer.  Your non insulting comments are welcome as to whether or not I have achieved that goal while getting my message out.  If you are not sure what my message was then never mind.

March 20, 2019

One of the comments I make often in my Posts is that my goal is not to turn every woman in the world into a Hotwife.  My goal is to simply tell the truth about this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle so that you can make your own decision if it’s right for you and Mary, or not.

Why do I even care? Because when Michael and I were looking for truthful, reality based information about how this Lifestyle worked, which I decided to affectionately refer to as the “Soccer Mom Hotwife Lifestyle”, once we got it figured out, we couldn’t find any reality based sources to learn the truth.  The key word there is “reality based.”  We found a ton of information that was fantasy based, especially on those so called Forums.

So, I decided to become that source of the truth.  Why? Because it Supercharged our marriage both in and out of the bedroom.  Can it Supercharge yours?  Maybe. You need to be open minded.

If your marriage sucks because you haven’t been doing marital maintenance along the way, then you probably should hope that your Mary took to heart my last Post, or you should invest some time doing marital maintenance building Intimacy which is clearly spelled out in a 101 course style on my website.

I have been preaching the practice of starting with Step One instead of Step Ten now for at least the last two years.  Why do I do that?  Because most of the men who write to me for help, tried to start with Step Ten.

These men have the fantasy of sharing their wife with other men.  Because they have balls the size of Texas, AND because they also believe their “women” probably think the same way they do, they simply blurt out their fantasy and are surprised to discover a red welt on their forehead when their “concept” was strongly rejected.

If you have spent a few nights sleeping out in the back yard with the dog, in his house, then you know what I’m talking about, or you have written to me for advice because your Mary has not taken all the hints you have dropped during Pillow Talk.

Those are men with balls the size of Rhode Island, or Cairns, if you happen to be one of my hundred or so, readers from Australia.  You don’t blurt out your desire to share your wife over dinner. You hint at it during pillow talk and hope your Mary takes the hint.

What do both of these techniques have in common?  They both tried to start with Step Ten, except the ‘pillow talkers” don’t get a fist to the forehead, usually, which is specifically why they are pillow talkers in the first place, so they can have deniability if/when they get called out in the morning.

“You didn’t think I really meant that did you, Mary?  It was just pillow talk!  Jeez, this is embarrassing!  I promise you I was not serious about wanting you to have sex with anyone!”

So, since Step One is clearly defined on my website as wanting to spice up your marriage, oh, wait a minute, how do I know that Step One is “clearly defined?”   Because no one has ever asked me to define Step One.

Step Ten is defined by proxy.  Everyone correctly assumes that Step Ten is the point where Mary wraps her legs around the back of Mr. Tonight so their bodies remain connected to each other while she makes memories for both of you and then shares them with you when she gets home from her date as a consummated Hotwife.

In her perfect world, Mr. Tonight has asked her if she is at risk for pregnancy, but in her world of reality, he assumes that if a married woman is willing to spread her legs for him, and she gets pregnant, that’s her problem.  See?  This is the difference between fantasy and reality.  By, the way, Mary is smarter than that.  Unless she is seriously desperate for change, she’s already thought about an unplanned pregnancy.

So, that brings us to the men that write to me about the eight Steps between Step One and Step Ten. (side note.  That was harder for me as a blonde, to figure out then you might think because when I counted them out on my fingers there were only seven between One and Ten) (Don’t say it!”) (Michael already did!)

My blonde math aside, I get 3, or 4, emails a week from men asking me to define the Steps between Step One and Step Ten.  Up until now, I have been answering them all individually.  Here’s the thing I find curious about this question.

Men always want to me to quantify these Steps.  They want to be able to tell when they reach Step Two, and then Step Three, and so forth, so they know exactly the point in time when they reach Step Ten, when his Mary is going to shudder all over from her Cosmic Orgasmic Experience as a result from time spent with Mr. Tonight, or Mr. sometime soon.

Women never ask me that question about defining the steps.  I have no idea how many Steps there are!  It’s a concept, not a road map. Everyone understands the concept of Step One, so far as I know, and everyone understands the concept of Step Ten being the final Step where your Mary is Consummated as your Hotwife.

Here’s the thing.  For me there was eight steps in between Step One, and Step Ten.  I was pre-sold. I had my own Agenda.  For other women there might be Twenty Steps between Step One and Step Ten.

Michael helped me figure out why men and women think differently about the Steps in this process and why men want the Steps defined and why women don’t care what the Steps are.

This is my Summary after boiling it down to the bottom line.  Men know what result they want before starting the process.  They want to achieve their desire of sharing you with other men, Mary.  They know they can’t simply tell you what they want (see above) and they also know you are never going to take the hint and volunteer.

Although I’m going to have to re-think that one soon because I am hearing from more Mary’s who would like my thoughts on how to volunteer.  I’m working on that, but I’m not there yet.  There is this tiny problem that men want this to be their idea, and when it’s not, that’s a problem!

Back to my Summary. Men know the result they want and want the steps clearly defined so they know how they are doing towards achieving the coveted Step Ten.

Women see this process as adding Spice to their Marriage.  The reason the Chili’s Game works so well is that it absolutely adds spice to the Marriage, along with increasing Intimacy, Communication, and Focus. Women also see something else that men don’t see which is her increased feeling of Emotional Fulfillment and sense of Well Being.  Mary is focused on the Spice.  You are focused on getting to Step Ten.

This works because if Mary gets what she wants, you will get what you want.  You want the result, Mary wants the Journey.  You will meet at Step Ten theoretically.

The reason I said theoretically is because Mary is not Stupid.  She is going to figure this out a whole lot sooner than that, but here’s the thing.  It won’t matter unless you rush her or pressure her.  Why?  Because of her Journey.  She will see her marriage getting better and better.  She will see your renewed interest in every aspect of her life.

Michael went from never calling me during the day to excusing himself from meetings to run an idea by me, or issue me some small challenge he thought up, like seeing how many business cards I could collect from men I met in bars.  Michael became consumed with MY sexuality!  He became focused on me like a laser beam.

So, regarding the Steps, I hadn’t really planned to admit this, but I have no idea how many Steps there really are.  I used ten because when I was writing about the Steps, Michael and I decided that I went though Ten Steps before my fateful day drinking accident when I was trying to prove to Michael that I was in a particular bar taking an up skirt to prove I wasn’t wearing panties and it was so dark in there my phone camera flashed and I got caught with my camera between my legs taking a selfie.  I was mortified!  That story is in the Reverse Blog part of my website during mid January 2015 when I was a much younger woman, if you care.

Every time I reference one of my stories I get a bunch of emails asking when that was, so this time I looked it up for you.  You’re welcome!

Here’s the thing.  I have never said there were Ten Steps.  I have talked about Step One and I have talked about Step Ten.  All the Steps in between are based on Mary taking very small steps forward to expand her comfort zone slowly while making your relationship better and stronger. As long as you take very small steps and Mary continues to get good relationship vibes, she will continue taking steps, as many as it takes.

So, if I can’t tell you how many Steps there are for your particular Mary, how will you know when she has reached the next step?  I’m almost embarrassed to tell you because it’s so simple.

You talk to her about it. WTF?  How can that be?  It’s because by the time you get there Mary will be comfortable doing what she is doing at Step One so it’s time to up the game.  You negotiate the next Step.  It needs to be just slightly outside her comfort zone, but doable.  Why would she agree to this?

The thing that allows the two of you to decide this next step together is because you will have already experienced growth and positive vibes in your marriage.  You will already be experiencing all of the positive benefits of playing this game.  You will already be talking about things you never talked about before or it has been since before you were married.  It’s magic! She will want to advance the ball or whatever sports analogy men understand.  I have three books of them that Michael made for me in order to communicate with men.

Some couples race through the Steps.  Some couples go at a snail’s pace.  Some couples decide to stop along the way as they learn more about what they want. What makes me happy about them is they made their marriage better and I had a small part in it.  The reason I know that is because they told me.

How will you know when your Mary is ready for Step Ten even if she is at her Step Fifteen?  She’ll let you know.  “So how far do you want me to go with this Game?” or words to that effect.

I wrote on my Website Page describing The Chili’s Game, to be careful how you respond.  I said it was a trick question and if you answer it wrong you might get blindsided.  I still stand by what I said back then, but like everything else in my life as I gain more experience I am looking at that differently.

Your safest answer is that you will never ask her to do anything outside her comfort zone.  On the other hand, she may be looking for some Leadership.  She may be looking for positive feedback that you are comfortable with her taking the Step to Consummation.  This will have to be a judgment call on your part.  There is no “one size fits all” answer to that question.

February 17, 2019

First, to all my readers, yes, I am aware that I was suffering a blonde moment when I published Part# 1 on February 12th, but dated it February 13th.  To the five of you (so far) who took the time to send me an email pointing that error out to me, thank you for paying that close attention to what I actually type.

To those of you who were planning to send me an email and/or were in the middle of typing it when you read this, I got it!  I already know I screwed up!  To those of you who thought, “dumb blonde bitch, doesn’t even know what day it is!” I hope you have a very nice day . . . . . somewhere else!  I get enough hate mail as it is from the Morals Police.  I don’t need any more from the blonde haters!   So, where was I?

Oh yeah, I was apologizing for having to split this up into two Posts because I mainly get two criticisms from my readers and they both start out exactly the same way.  “I love your blog, but . . .”  The first criticism is that my messages are too long and I should figure out how to get the same quality content with less words. My husband definitely agrees with you if you think that.

The other criticism is that my message is spot on but I should go into more detail.  Since I can’t do both things, I don’t do either!

Secondly, every once in while we all have to step out of our comfort zone and embrace a new concept.  That is what I am going to try and do with this Post. The only way I knew how to that without all of you who have been following me, having the same reaction I had, when I decided to do this, was to do it slowly and carefully

Back to Mary!  This message is probably not going to be understood by very many of my readers.  It’s pretty radical.  That’s OK. If it only reaches the heart of one of my Mary’s, it will have been worth it to me to take the risk I am going to take with this piece.

Dr. Lexi, is going off the reservation!  (don’t bother sending me any hate mail for my political incorrectness either!)  Almost no aspect of my life is politically, or socially, correct.  Am I apologetic for that?

No!  I’m not.  I am HAPPY! That brings me to the next part of my message, Mary!  The happiness in your life is a choice you make.  You choose to be happy.  Your happiness, or unhappiness, is not the result of something that happened to you, or a disappointment you experienced along your life path.

“WTF, Dr. Lexi?  Where did that come from?”  I’m glad you asked.  Let’s focus on the disappointment part of this message because that is where most women are focused.

Married women who have Intimacy in their marriage and have security, and a feeling of emotional fulfillment, and a general feeling of well being, have no reason not to choose happiness. They also have no reason to reach out to me.

I spend most of my time preaching my Intimacy building concept to men who want a successful result in their quest for a Hotwife.  Why all the preaching?  Because I know it works.  For about 17 of the 25 years I have been married, my marriage sucked.  I did not choose happiness because I didn’t know I had that option.  I thought that if my marriage sucked because my husband ignored my existence and my teenage daughter hated me for being the obstructionist to her vision of happiness, I should be miserable.  So I was.

Take a breath and think about that, Mary!  If you are trudging down life’s highway on foot because you can’t afford to put petrol, diesel, or gas in your car, or your tires are flat, and your road is filled with potholes, it doesn’t matter how the potholes got there.  What matters is that if you step into one wearing stiletto heel shoes the likely result is a nasty sprained ankle.  Your choices are to fill the potholes or step around them. Nobody ever said you had to be miserable either trudging, filling life’s pot holes, or stepping around them.

This message is for my 1% (er’s). Not sure how to type that.  I get a lot of email based on our story about how we got here.  Up until this minute, my response to the 99% percent has always been “I’m not the poster child for doing this the right way. Don’t do it the way I did it!”

“But, . . . . . hey wait a minute, if it worked for you and Michael, why won’t it work for us?”  I keep getting asked.

What about those who need Intimacy, but don’t have it because they aren’t getting the message? Or Intimacy is not working?  Are they doomed?  Maybe not, so long as they are willing to take a risk.  Michael and I had zero Intimacy. Building Intimacy was a foreign concept.  We never worked at building Intimacy, we fell into it, so maybe you can too! Or maybe it doesn’t matter.

Intimacy, for Michael and I was what we learned about how we got to this place in our life by looking back at the process after I decided I wanted to write about how becoming a Hotwife transformed our marriage.

I preach building Intimacy before starting the process of presenting the Alternative Marriage Lifestyle concept but that’s not what we did.  Michael and I developed Intimacy by actually doing the process of becoming an Alternative Marriage Lifestyle couple.

My life was full of potholes and I was making my own plan when he dumped this concept in my lap.  I had already chosen to be happy because I was working on dealing with the potholes my own way.

For many years our marriage was like, what was “behind us, defined us.”  The reason I put that in quotes is so that hopefully you will think about that, Mary!  I was miserable because I didn’t choose happiness.

Michael’s end of our marriage was no better than my end and it pissed me off that he wasn’t miserable like I was, which is kind of interesting in a way, because I did my best to make him miserable many times during those dark days.

It turns out that most men have this happiness vs. miserable thing pretty nailed down.  I don’t know that but sure.  Maybe it just seems that way.

So, Mary, if you are not choosing to be happy because of all those frigging potholes in your path, maybe there is a better path.  Don’t let behind you, define you!  Don’t cage yourself, if you want to be free!  Your happiness is only a choice away.

All of my Mary’s out there, who are reading the stuff I write, are only reading it for one reason, because I only write about one thing.  You are reading me because you are at least curious about choosing a different path.

If you have a fear that choosing the path of a non-traditional marriage is going to add more potholes in your road, then I would say you are not one of my 1% just yet, but that doesn’t mean you won’t change your mind tomorrow.  I hope this has been an inspiration for some you to look at this path a different way and maybe choose my path and do it the way we did!

Just remember, if you do, don’t start with Step Ten, start with Step One!

As always, Dr. Lexi is not a real Doctor.

One more thing . . . .

I have shared with some of you who have asked me about my taste in music, specifically what inspires my writing.  Because this particular message is so different, it occurred to me that it might be helpful to a few of you to know what inspired me for this particular message and maybe by listening to them might help you see your life in a different way.

The first one is by Dido. It is called “Sand in my Shoes”. The other one is “Hello Dreamer”  by Laikpia.  I can’t link stuff in my blogs, but I can on my website.  I can’t link either one of these because they are not royalty free, but I have linked a few tracks on a new page on my website called “Music”, oddly enough.  I will add to it from time to time when something inspires me.

February 13, 2019

Now that I am getting much more email from women I thought it might be interesting to share with you the different styles of communication I receive based solely on gender.  Before I do that though, for anyone who doesn’t already know, I only write about one thing.  I’m a one trick pony.

I write about the only thing I know quite a bit about, other than being a wife and mother, and that one thing is sex!  I’m not talking about the clinical aspects of sex.  I don’t write about how the various parts plug into each other, or what they do.

I write about the social aspects of recreational sex for married women or girlfriends in a committed relationship who are having, considering having, or are curious about having, sex with other men because that is what their husbands or boyfriends want them to do.

These men want to open up the relationship on the wife’s end of the marriage so that she can fulfill his very normal desire to share her with other men, sexually.  So that’s what I do.  I write about that and I help people get from Point A to Point B who ask for my help.  This phenomenon is called The Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle.  I am a Hotwife and a Hotwife Lifestyle Coach!

My goal, by having this Blog and my website, is NOT to turn every woman in the world into a Hotwife. My goal is simply to provide truthful information about this amazing Alternative Marriage Lifestyle, along with my own testimonial about how it changed my marriage and took it from Shitty to Super Charged in the blink of an eye.

I share this information with anyone who wants it only so that you can decide for yourself if this Lifestyle is right for your own marriage.  You can’t know that unless you have enough information.

So, usually when I get an email from a man he doesn’t really know how to explain his situation or his desire, so he typically sends me a test email first which can range from “Are you a real person?”, to the classical “I just stumbled onto you.” as if what he was really doing was looking for instructions on how to spatchcock a chicken and mysteriously clicked the wrong link and ended up finding me instead, but since he did, . . .

Women never do that. Women always get right to the heart of the matter. They write to me on purpose.  They tell me their situation and ask me what they want to know, how it works, what to expect, and what does it mean to her marriage?  Women find me because they are looking for specific information, or general information, or are freaking out because her husband told her he wanted her to have sex with other men, in one form or another.

Wait a minute!  I need to clarify that!  When I said one form or another I wasn’t referring to sex in one form or another, I was referring to communicating the concept in one form or another because for some stupid reason a lot of men convey the concept of Wife Sharing during pillow talk.

Actually I know exactly why they do that, and Mary, you probably do to.  They have a fear of rejection.  That’s called the “sick fuck” syndrome.  These men don’t know that this desire they have to share you is a very normal guy thing.  The reason they don’t know how normal it is, is because they didn’t have anyone to ask, since they can’t ask a porn site.  Trust me, Mary, this is NOT a conversation men would ever have with their buddies!

So they hint around during pillow talk and hope you will take the hint, or at least not gouge his eyes out and call him a “sick fuck”.  See where the name comes from now?

There is also another reason they do that.  I’ll explain it in a minute.  I need to explain something else first.  When I said that I only knew a lot about one thing, that’s actually a truthful statement if you consider all the elements of having, or being, a Hotwife, as one thing.

I think you’ll see what I mean when I explain it.  So, in very simple terms, a guy has a desire for his wife to date, and have sex with other men because it’s a very natural and normal desire they have.  It turns them on in ways they usually can’t explain to think about his wife having her legs wrapped around the back of some guy with whom she is fully engaged.

I have explained how I know that several times already in previous blogs.  For now, just assume I know what I know.

There are actually two reasons he may use pillow talk to convey his message.  I already explained the “sick fuck” syndrome.  The other reason is because he knows the condition of his relationship with his wife is not conducive to sharing her with other men and there is no reasonable expectation on his part that she would agree to be shared.

There is a greater likelihood that he would end up with a red welt on his forehead if he asked her to do this in a more traditional setting, like in the kitchen with his clothes on.

So, after four years or so of sharing all this knowledge with others and also learning from others with more experience than me, (Dr. Lexi’s Coconut Telegraph) I have become a sort of non-licensed marital therapist and I have actually been quite successful fixing marriages, keeping in mind that my expertise is limited to one very specific subject.

This is probably as good a place as any to remind you all that Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor, nor a licensed Marriage Counselor, but I would be willing to put up my track record up against anyone who is, for two reasons.

I know, that’s a pretty bold statement, but think of it this way.  Reason #1 is that both men and women tell me things they would NEVER tell their doctor, their therapist, their marriage counselor, their lawyer, their best friend, or their priest!

Reason #2 is that men who listen to me and figure out they need to fix their marriage first, and build Intimacy, before his Mary will agree to fulfill his desire to date socially outside her marriage, are very highly motivated, because they want something from you, Mary!

If you are a typical guy who wants your wife to spread her legs for other men, and you have a great relationship with tons of Intimacy, she’ll do it because there is zero threat to her marriage and zero downside for her.

If your marriage sucks, your best course of action is to follow the advice I have been sharing since Day One, and fix it first.  The more motivated you are to fix it, the easier it is to do.

So, is fixing your marriage first the only viable way to go about this quest to turn your marriage from a traditional marriage based on the principle of Monogamy, to a non-traditional Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle, where Mary’s end of the relationship is Open?

No, it isn’t, but it’s the best way.  Anyone who has read our story knows we didn’t do it that way.  Everyone who has read our story also knows that I am NOT the poster child for doing this the right way.  That’s one of the reasons I became a blogger so that other people wouldn’t have to make the same mistakes Michael and I made along our path.

But here’s the thing. It turned out very well for us.  So, having said that, I have been receiving quite a bit of encouragement lately to offer an alternate path, which is coupled with my advice to men who plan to have “The Conversation” outside the bedroom, to make it about adding spice to your marriage, as a Step One, without sex or even dating, instead of asking you to have sex with someone which would be starting at Step Ten.  

Only men with balls the size of Alaska, haven’t seen the wisdom in that advice!  When those guys write to me it’s usually along the lines of something like, “I wish I had found you sooner!” or “So, how can I fix this?”

So, if I am going to offer an alternative plan for men to start without building all the Intimacy I would wish they had, it seems only fair that I should also offer all my Mary’s a reason that will make sense to you to agree on faith, like I did, that this idea to add Spice to your Marriage, without sex, starting at Step One, instead of Step Ten, will Super Charge your marriage instead of tanking it!

January 23, 2019

Two notable things changed for Dr. Lexi* as a Lifestyle Coach, and Blogger in 2018 and they were both significant changes and both were positive to my message.

The one I want to address first is the one that happened last.  It was something I didn’t plan for and had no control over, but love the result! It was the demise of the Tumblr porn sewer, where I got my start as a blogger in 2014, swimming upstream against the current, as pretty much the lone voice taking on all the caption writers, Moral’s Police, and porn and fantasy enthusiasts, who love to mis-portray the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle.

Everyone was warned that “adult content” was going to be removed from Tumblr, and there was a lot of speculation that entire blogs and all of their content would be taken down. I was not worried about losing my content because all of it is on my website, but I was concerned that my entire blog would disappear from Tumblr because of the subject matter.  I was afraid my blog would be painted with a broad brush.

In the end I was worried about nothing.  Only three of my photos were not G-rated, and were removed, as they should have been.  None of my other photos were taken down, or even tagged.  None of my blog content was removed.

The reason the demise of the Tumblr porn sewer is a significant, and positive event for me, is because it is one less place for well meaning people who are searching for truthful Alternative Marriage Lifestyle information, to get bad medicine.

By the way, I’m still blogging there, and still gaining new readers, but the new readers I am gaining now are finding me for the right reason!  My profile photo was also removed and replaced with a cone head Icon. Ironically, the photo they took down is the same G rated profile photo I’m using on Medium.  Go figure!

The other significant thing that changed last year was my email ratio of men to women who contact me. Soon after I began focusing more of my Messages to Mary I began receiving much more email from women.  Mary is my generic wife who is looking for the truth about the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle because she is:

A.   Freaking out by her husband’s revelation that he wants to share her with other men and she doesn’t understand it and thinks that her marriage is over, because her husband is not equipped to explain to her how normal this Worldwide desire by men of all cultures to share their wife is, and how, and why, this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is going to Supercharge her own marriage both in and out of her bedroom.

B.   Curious about her husband’s revelation and wants to know how it works and what it will mean for her family health and security.

C.   Was asked by her husband to write to me so that I could explain it to her better than he could.

D.   Tired of listening to her husband hint around during pillow talk, and then never following up in the light of day.

E.   Wants to be a Hotwife but is afraid to bring the idea up to her husband.

F.    Is having an affair for strictly recreational sex, and loves everything about it, and wants to know if I can help her transition into becoming a Hotwife, instead of a cheating wife.

G.   Has been doing research in other places and had been scared away by all the mis-information out there.

Historically, my email ratio has always been heavily weighted from the male side, but ever since I started focusing more of my message to women, my email ratio is now almost 50-50.

While I’m on the subject of sharing my email stats, let me share another statistic with any of you who are curious about that sort of thing.  The only number I keep track of on purpose is the number of countries I receive email from.  My current Country count seems to be stuck at 55.

You may think that is a curious thing to keep track of, but to me is it very meaningful.  It lets me know that my messages are Universal, because the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is also Universal.

It tells me that Mans desire to share his wife with other men has no Geographic boundary, no Cultural boundary, no Racial boundary, No Ethnic boundary, no Religious boundary, no Social boundary, No Political boundary, no Economic boundary, and no Educational boundary.

It doesn’t even have a Marital boundary because many of the men and women who write to me are not married, but are having a “significant other” type of relationship and want to open up her end of it.

The other number is a number that I don’t have to keep track of.  I just have to read the weekly reports I get from both my blogs, which have identical content.  I let Michael read this blog Post before I published it.  He asked me why I didn’t tell you how many readers I have between the two blogs.

I told him I didn’t think anyone would care.  He said I am wrong about that.  OK, so here it is in the unlikely event he is right for a change.  Between my two blogs, but not including my website, because I don’t have a counter, I have a little over 6,000 readers.  Are some of you following me both places?  Maybe, but probably not many.  I don’t  know why anyone would.

Yes, I am pleased that my messages resonate with such a wide diversity of people, so I want to thank you all for that!

January 1, 2019

To all of the people who follow me from 55 countries of the world, in one of my three venues, I want you all to know that I appreciate every one of you.  Everyone who has reached out to me for the past 4+ years has touched my heart, as I hope I have touched every one of my readers, in some small way.  

As far as I know, January 1st is the only universally celebrated day that unites us all.

Michael is with me today in Costa Rica as we celebrate not only the start of our next great journey together in the new year, but also celebrate the end of our 24th year as a couple.  The last five as an Alternative Marriage Lifestyle Couple have been the best so far.

December 26, 2018

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!  I am spending my holiday at my favorite place in the whole wide world, the Los Suenos Resort, on the Pacific coast of Costa Rica.

I have decided to share an amusing story that happened to me in the middle of the afternoon at the pool bar of the Marriott Hotel, on Christmas Eve.  It was amusing to me anyway, but then I am used to getting hate mail from the Morals Police, so I am not easily offended.  Although I am not staying at the hotel, the pool is an amenity.

I bought a new bikini in Tampa, where I live, for my trip down here.  Yes, I tried it on before I packed it. I’m smart enough to know not to wear a bikini in public without wet testing it first, which I didn’t do in Tampa but did do here in the pool of the estate where I’m staying in Los Suenos.

To be honest, the bikini was somewhat sheer(er) when it was wet than it was when it was dry, but I didn’t think it wasn’t tasteful.  It did occur to me though that it might be somewhat edgy.

So, let me explain my thinking.  I am a 47 year old woman, living in 2018.  I’m not a member of the “me too” movement, or the Morals Police.  I appreciate the attention I get from men, and it makes me feel good about myself.  I have never considered myself a “victim”.  I am visiting a country where prostitution is legal.

I didn’t think it would be any big deal if my bikini top showed a little bit more nipple detail than I intended.  I was not embarrassed to wear it. I am a woman who does not wear panties.  I have no prudish tendencies.

So, I was in the pool, at the bar, sitting on one of those toadstool looking, bar stools, or whatever they are called.  I was eating my lunch, which consisted of twelve extra crispy French fries, and one of the many Bloody Marys’ I consumed that day.

You know how old people talk too loud?  There was a couple sitting beside the pool looking at me.  I couldn’t say for sure at the time if they were just older, or elderly, but based on the post research I had to do after what this woman said about me, in order to understand what she meant, I would say elderly, but that’s just me.

“Stanley, look at that trollop!  You can see her nipples!”  The woman said.  She was pointing at me.  I was munching on one of my beloved, but severely self limited supply of French fries, because the older I get, the harder it is to keep my body shape.

“I can’t see her nipples.” Stanley said, trying to defend my virtue, unless his eyesight was bad.

“Well, I never!”  The woman said.  Stanley said nothing.  I was trying to pretend this was not happening, except that now everyone that heard her and Stanley talking about me, was looking at me.

I’m in a pool, sitting on a cement mushroom bar stool thing, so where am I going to go?  I ate another French fry.

“Let’s go, Stanley!” The woman said.  Stanley reluctantly got to his feet.  It looked to me like it was reluctantly, anyway.  Then I finally found my voice.  I decided to treat this woman the same way I treat the people that send me hate mail because I wanted her to know I was responding to her.

“Have a nice day!” I called after them.  Stanley turned around and smiled.  She did not. It was quiet for a moment, or maybe longer, I’m not sure.

“You go girl!”  A woman wearing a Canadian flag bikini, sitting beside me on the next toadstool said.  I smiled at her.

“Your top is fine.” She said.

“What’s a trollop?”  I asked.  She didn’t know, and neither did any of the other Xgens, Millennials, or Boomers, in the pool, because nobody had their cell phone handy in the pool.

The rest of the story:

I knew that the woman had insulted me OK?  I was clear on that, but I wanted to know what a trollop was.  I never heard the word before and had no idea how to spell it. It took me a few tries to get close enough that spell check could find the word for me.

Here it is, in case you don’t know either.  It turns out to be an archaic term.

Trol-lop (Noun)

1.    An offensive term that deliberately insults a woman who is a prostitute, or who is reputed to be sexually promiscuous.

December, 24, 2018

This is a Tumblr only post that will not appear anywhere else I publish.  I have experienced a curious result that I would like to share with all my Tumblr followers, because I don’t understand it yet.

Although my blog is neither porn nor fantasy based, I expected to lose a large number of my followers after the December 17th purge of adult content, and yes, a few of my photos were targeted, but none of my content was removed.

Although I understand that many of my followers are not following me for the right reason, and are simply tuning out, instead of cancelling their account or have not stopped following me, that does not explain why my numbers are going up instead of down.

In the past week, since the purge of adult content on Tumblr, I have gained almost 100 followers instead of losing a thousand like I thought I might at first, because I thought they were following me for the wrong reason.

If you have an opinion you would like to share on why you think this is happening, that is on message, and you are not a Tumlr platform basher, I welcome your input.

December 20, 2018

For those of you who have been following me since the beginning of my personal journey as both a Hotwife, and a blogger, or on my website, over the years, you already know that one of my most frequently asked questions from men goes like this:

“When do I give her an ankle bracelet to wear?  Should she wear it on her left ankle, or her right ankle?  What should I tell her when I give it to her?”

I got asked this question a few times again recently, so I decided to address it again knowing full well that every time I write a Post about this subject, I’m going to raise just as many questions as I try to answer. I wondered how many times I had written about this subject before, so I went back through my archives.

I have written 12 Posts about this subject over 4+ years.  What I discovered in those 12 Posts surprised me.  My thinking on this subject has grown along with my experience, and from the input I have received from what the members of Dr. Lexi’s Coconut Telegraph have been telling me.

Spoiler Alert!  I do not disavow any advice I have ever given about the wearing of a Hotwife Ankle Bracelet as an indicator of her status. So if that’s true, what has changed? My level of experience and my relationship with my husband, about what it means to him, has changed, which means my thinking has also changed.

In the beginning, my status, and outward appearance as Michael’s Hotwife was not as symbolic as it is now because we didn’t know any better at the time.

The way the Lifestyle was portrayed “on line” was that all Hotwives wore ankle bracelets like a cop wears a badge.  That is how a hotwife was portrayed in the world as we knew it back in 2014.  The only place we could find information was on Lifestyle sites like Tumblr or on some of the totally worthless Lifestyle Forums, where if you ask a question and 20 people respond, you get 20 different opinions. Lifestyle forums are worth only as much as they cost you to get, which should be zero!

Those Forums did NOT work for us, and is the reason I decided to become a blogger and have my own website, because we decided there needed to be a voice of reason who would tell the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, otherwise known as the Truth, about this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle.

In the beginning when I first agreed to become Michael’s Hotwife, and open up my end of our marriage, he wanted me to “advertise” my status as being available to other men by wearing an ankle bracelet on my right ankle.

Why?  Because that is what he learned searching on line when he realized he had this fantasy, which it turns out most men have, of sharing his wife with other men.

So that led us to a conversation, which led us down this path which if you want to know how we got where we are, I have written about it extensively on my website, but this Post is about the wearing of ankle bracelets.

By the way, I still wear one every day I am not traveling for my day job, and it is still a topic of conversation for my husband who almost always asks me which one I am wearing. I have about thirty of them but to be honest there are at least ten of them I will never wear out in public. Most of my ankle bracelets are gifts from my husband, which explains why I have so many that I will never wear, because in the beginning when he was so gung ho and was trying to get me to go out so many nights a week because it wasn’t happening for me, he concluded it was because men must not recognize my status as married, but available.

His shallow idea was to make my status more obvious to men which is how I ended up with ankle bracelets with charms or letters or script, like I-L-2-F, and Q of S, (which I’m not often), and “Hotwife”, in script.

I am explaining this to you so you can understand how our thinking has evolved over these past years. The advice I used to give men was not do anything stupid like my husband did, and I used to advise women on how to handle any conversation that came up as a result of wearing one.  I used to help women craft a response based on her level of interest with the guy doing the asking.

That was then.  That is not the reality of today.  I can tell when men are disappointed with my advice to the ankle bracelet question now and it tells me where they have been getting their information.

Today I tell men it doesn’t matter whether she wears it left ankle or right ankle, or whether she wears one at all.  I still tell men not to buy stupid stuff that she would never wear, and I tell men it’s a bad idea to surprise her with an ankle bracelet when she doesn’t know its symbolic meaning first, but probably not for the reason you think.

You probably think it’s because she will get attention she doesn’t understand and might not want. Wrong!  It’s because if you trick her into wearing it and she figures it out, you are going to be a shit!  Pardon my extreme Southeastern American slang.

So if the ankle bracelet doesn’t matter in the bigger picture of being approached by men who know its symbolic meaning, why do many Hotwives choose to wear them anyway?

Before I answer that, let me explain to you why it’s only symbolic.  In order to do that you first have to know what the symbolic message is. To be honest with you when I first put the message out on Dr. Lexi’s Coconut Telegraph, that I was trying to figure out how to explain it, like about three years ago, I discovered they knew the answer but it was complicated to explain.

We worked it through eventually as collaboration, and I have explained this many times since then in other Posts, but here it is again.  A Hotwife wearing an ankle bracelet is sending a symbolic message to men who understand its meaning, that her husband is giving his consent to men to approach her and talk to her.  That’s all! Wearing an ankle bracelet does not obligate a women to anything at all.

What I should have done was ask a man what he thought it meant, because men already know there is no obligation on her part.

So why do so many Hotwives wear an ankle bracelet?  The two biggest reasons are because our husband’s are proud of us and want us to advertise our status as potentially available, and because it makes us as women feel good about ourselves, and our marital security, but also our sexual independence.

So what’s the rest of the story if the ankle bracelet is symbolism only, and doesn’t matter?

For one thing, women don’t need any advice from me on how to respond to attention she either wants from men, or doesn’t want.  Second, even if a man approaches her with intent, the subject of her ankle bracelet is NOT going to come up, before the fact.  If it comes up after the fact and he consummates her as a practicing Hotwife then, who cares?

So what is the advice I give to a man if he wants his wife to get more attention from men and the ankle bracelet is not the best way to advertise her status?  It’s embarrassingly simple.

Not for me, unless I haven’t completely figured it out yet.  “So, as I was saying . . .”  Hah!  That’s a shout out to one of my followers who suggested that if my content didn’t get taken down, I should use that comment as the Subject line heading of my first Post, on Tumblr, after the purge.

So what do the new guidelines mean for Dr. Lexi?  Not very much.  They have removed a few of my photos, including my profile photo, but those were mostly photos that I wished I had never put up in the first place but didn’t take down because they weren’t porn, and yeah, I’m not displeased with my body shape.

My profile photo has been replaced with a cone head Icon.  I’m thinking about appealing it, but only because it’s the photo most Tumblr followers associate with me.  It’s a G rated photo of me wearing sunglasses, but showing a significant amount of cleavage, because I have a significant amount of cleavage.

Maybe I’ll simply replace the photo.  So why would I need a profile photo?  This is the best news of all!  Because my content was not taken down and was not even flagged, so far as I know!  Yea!

So I will still be blogging on Tumblr, and if you are one of the people who were following me for the right reason, you can still find all of my content, but there is one extra step you might have to take. I’m not sure if you have to do it every time or just once, but they have considered my blog as “sensitive content” that you have to click through to get to it.

Just so you know, I am pretty happy with this result because although I don’t follow anyone on Tumblr, I checked on a few blogs of my followers and there is almost nothing left that wasn’t flagged and taken down.

I will correct this, as I learn more, if I got some of it wrong, in my haste to get this posted, but I have received received hundred of emails from worried followers and supporters, wanting information, so thank you all!

December 14th, 2018

No one knows the future for sure, especially me. Neither one of my two Super Powers is Mind Reading the future.  Dr. Lexi* welcomes the cleansing of the Tumblr porn sewer.  I hope they are serious this time.  The problem is, my blog content is likely to get eliminated because of the subject matter, not because of the content of the subject matter.

I can live with that because anyone who wants to know the truth about the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle can find me in a Google search in the mainstream media, or on my website.

My husband has given me a great idea about how to remain on Tumblr as a viable reference, and content provider, in the event my content is eliminated in the 12/17 purge of adult content.  Since my Lifestyle information and advice is reality based, and not porn, nor fantasy, my content should not be a problem to the new Tumblr environment, going forward even though it is adult content, because it’s not porn.

Could I be kidding myself? Of course I could.  Tumblr, under their new ownership could end up being managed like a particular WW2 regime that was not particularly interested in protecting individual rights. I hope that is not the case, because they got bombed into oblivion and the country got divided up for a few decades.

My husband’s idea is pretty good actually, I have to admit, since a lot of his ideas were not so good, over the years.  The thing is, Michael has given me more good advice than bad advice over the past five years I have been known as Dr. Lexi.*

So here is our new plan for Tumblr and my 4,000+ followers who may wish to stay connected to me, in the event my content disappears.  Be patient. I’ll be back, because my message meets anyone’s social standard who is not a card carrying member of the Morals Police!

If my content is eliminated it won’t be because of the content, it will be because I got painted with a broad brush due to the subject matter of my blogging.  If I have to use a new account, you will be able to find the information on my website.  To be armed, is to be forewarned, or maybe it’s the other way around.  I tried to check with my husband since he tells me something like that all the time. I should have paid more attention.  He is attending some golf academy out west.  My call went to his voice mail.  Oh well!

Respectfully submitted,

Alexis McCall  a/k/a Dr.Lexi*

December 8, 2018

This Post is not about platform stiletto heel shoes like one might experience watching a pole dancer doing a three song set at a Gentleman’s Club.  This Post is code speak for the answer to questions I received about an earlier post I made referencing Hotwife sex, with BBC, in a Jamaican setting.  This might be my last post on Tumblr so I am trying to be informational, without getting myself in trouble with any particular worldwide resort Corporation.

If you have no idea what I am referring to as it relates to Tumblr, that is a good thing.  For the rest of you, this might be my goodbye to blogging on Tumblr, if the Content Police decides to make my blog content disappear on December 17th as they rid their porn sewer of adult content. I am all for that!   The problem is, I am probably going to be an innocent victim of the purge, because of the subject matter of my content.  So be it!

I’m OK with that because all of my content from Day One is available on my website, and anything I have posted in the last two and a half years, is available on Medium.com/AlexisMcCall.

So, back to my commentary. Awhile back, I wrote a piece about Hotwife BBC and how some Hotwives, and non-Hotwife Caucasian women make Jamaica a vacation destination looking for a specific type of playmate, namely BBC.

At the time, I decided not to disclose the names of the actual resorts because I spent twelve of the very longest years of my life, as a paralegal working for about 150 sue happy lawyers.

I got a serious amount of email from women asking me “Which resorts?” because they couldn’t find a specific mention on any of the websites they searched.  Duh!  Hello?”

So, although I’m still not going to name the Resorts, I am going to tell you who they are with one minor disclaimer.  I have never personally been to these resorts because when I go to Jamaica it’s either on a cruise ship, with a client, or I stay at a private residence, with a client. I know what I know because that’s what women tell me.

So who is it?  Who is the resort corporation that can specialize in making all your dreams come true, if you are a female with a specific particular need?  You should have already been able to figure that out from the subject line.  Think casual beach footwear!

You’re welcome!  This has been a public service message from Dr. Lexi*, and possibly my last blog Post on Tumblr.  If my content disappears you can always find me in the mainstream, at Medium.com, my website, or you can send me an email.

December 4, 2018

Michael and I have been preparing for this day almost from the beginning of my blogging career about the Hotwife Lifestyle.  Tumblr had been threatening to eliminate adult content long before I began blogging.  Now they have made it official.  December 17th is the day that adult content is supposed to disappear from the Tumblr Blogosphere, if they follow through this time.

So what does that mean? Although I am not positive that my blog will disappear, at my husband’s insistence in the beginning, several years ago, I posted some R rated photos of myself, which I now regret, but agreed to do at the time, because we didn’t know any better.

I wanted people to read my message.  Michael was convinced that I needed to post photos, or nobody would care about my message. So I posted some photos.  Are my photos going to get my blog thrown out?  Is my NSFW warning going to get my blog eliminated?  I don’t know, but I don’t really care.

I have been railing against the content in this porn sewer, which this area of Tumblr has become.   My Blog is insulated as it relates to any loss of my content.

Although my blog is neither porn, nor fantasy, nor X-rated, I feel like I am at risk because of my subject matter. I’m blogging about a real lifestyle, which Tumblr has chosen to portray in the Porn Sewer, or that has become a Porn Sewer, because of the “Enthusiasts” who Post here.  I can’t control any of that.  It is what it is.

What should you know if you read my Blog on Tumblr?  My blog posts are not going to go into The Abyss, if Tumblr decides to delete my content.  Every blog Post I have ever Posted on Tumblr, will continue to be available for you to read on my website at AlexisMcCall.com.  Every blog post I have made in the last two and a half years are also available on Medium.com/AlexisMcCall. I welcome all my Tumblr followers to follow me on Medium.com.

If you have read our story in its entirety you will understand that putting all my content on a website was one decision that my husband got right!  So I am saying now, to my husband Michael, you are a genius!

I have been saying for a very long time that the end of the Tumblr porn sewer would be a welcome event.  It would be one less venue to glorify everything that is wrong and dishonest about the way this Alternative Marriage Lifestyle, is portrayed.

If my blog is eliminated I will celebrate that event joyfully so long as everything else in that venue is eliminated as well.   All of my original content will be on my website.  Not only that, I might get less hate mail from the Caption Writers and The Morals Police.  The tags below can be used to find me at other venues.  Thank you all so much for being one of my readers!

December 3, 2018

This particular blog post has taken me a long time to write.  The version you are reading is maybe my fifth version.  I have said this before, but not everything I intend to publish see’s the light of day.

Like when I tried to compare Intimacy with Compersion.  I wrote, and rewrote, and edited, and finally gave up.  I even got some help from some of my readers.  This blog post almost suffered the same fate.

when I started focusing more of my message about the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle to women, from the perspective of a woman, who is living the day to day reality of this Lifestyle, instead of the way this Lifestyle is normally portrayed on line, my female readership went way up and so did the amount of email I receive from women.  I also know that part of that is due to the fact that I now have two outlets to spread the word as of two and a half years ago when I began also publishing in the mainstream..

What I haven’t said before, it’s not how much more I am learning about marriage in general, but how women think about marital sex, and non-marital sex, especially.   Dr. Lexi is not a real doctor, nor is she a marriage counselor.  Yet I spend a great deal of time trying to help men “fix” their marriage through building Intimacy, so they will have some credibility.

I get email from men all the time citing my personal story of becoming a Hotwife.  Don’t do that!  We are not the poster couple for going about it the right way.  Michael and I had zero Intimacy.  The only reason I didn’t claw his eyes out when he mentioned it, was because I was already making a plan to share myself with other men at that time because my marriage sucked!

So I was curious about what he had to say.  It was that curiosity, and by talking about it, that we began building Intimacy in our marriage.  What I am going to say about this subject is an indisputable fact that you can take to the bank.  It is this: When both of the spouses are focused on listening to the other one, you can build a great deal of Intimacy in a very short time and for that, we could be the poster couple, especially when we both want the same result. More on that in a minute.

So, when men write to me, they almost always want my help in convincing their wives to be shared, because that is a natural desire of most men.  Some men write to me and say that have the fantasy, but not the desire to make it a reality.

Women usually write to me for one of three reasons.  Reason One, is because her husband told her his fantasy and wants to make his desire, her reality.  She found me doing her own research and wants to know what this is all about and what are the benefits other than having a personal sex life outside her marriage. Michael says that in business, that is a Cost/Benefit thing.

Reason Two, is that she wants her husband to ask her to be a shared wife.  I told you a minute ago about building Intimacy in a hurry. Chances are pretty good that he already has the fantasy, if not the desire.  It’s a hell of a lot easier for a wife to get an idea to germinate in her husband’s brain than the other way around.  I tell women all the time it is super simple to get the ball rolling with Communication if her husband is a “pillow talker”.  Why?  Because for a man, pillow talk is not his friend, at least not as a communication tool, because regardless of whatever crazy idea he has for you to do, even if you agree to do it, in the moment, is going to die before sunrise, because he does NOT have balls the size of Texas, or Southampton, or Rome.

It’s a simple matter for you to fix, Mary.  This is how you do it. “So last night you told me that you want to watch me taking a BBC. How would that work exactly?  I’m asking because I might be willing to do that, but I would not be willing to let you watch.”

Assuming your husband doesn’t choke on his coffee, now you have the conversation out on the table and out of the bedroom.  It doesn’t matter how he responds in the moment.  It’s on the table and out of the bedroom.  That’s all that matters.  Give it time to germinate.

Now then, I said pillow talk is not a man’s friend but the same is not true for women.  Why?  Because I will teach you how to do it effectively by sharing the techniques that dozens of women have shared with me.

Keep in mind your husband probably at least has the fantasy.  You make your pillow talk more about something realistic, closer to Step One, than Step Ten.  Then in the morning you remind him of the pillow talk and ask him to help you make a plan for something non sexual, but that will add spice to your marriage.

Reason Three is more complicated.  I also get quite a few emails from women who are already sharing themselves with other men, without the knowledge or consent of their husband or boyfriend and want my advice on how to “formalize” their marriage to bring it in line with what they are already doing on their own.  I could have said that with a lot fewer words but, I didn’t.  I’m not planning on offering any general advice on that here, but if you want my help you know how to find me.

Although one of the places I publish my Blog is in the porn sewer, I don’t do any of my research there and neither should any of you.  That means I have to do my research in the mainstream.  Every legitimate study that I have looked at has shown that the percentage of married women cheating is substantially higher than men.

There are lots of conclusions that people can draw about the numbers and what they mean.  The conclusion I choose to draw is that men who write to me and give me ten reasons why his wife would never agree to do this, tells me he doesn’t really know his wife.

The truth is that most any woman would agree to this Alternative marriage Lifestyle if she had Intimacy with her husband, and understood that opening up her end of the marriage would make her marriage better and stronger.  You can get there, Mary, even without as much Intimacy as you will grow into through Open and Honest Communication.  You just need to get the subject out on the table.

November 14, 2018

Every time I write a blog Post about Hotwife dating in the world of reality, which can be vastly different from the way it is usually portrayed where most people get their information, I get questions and comments from women who are considering making the Lifestyle change, and from women who are new to the Lifestyle but struggling to make a connection, because they don’t understand that reality is different than fantasy.

For anyone who has actually read my early blog posts, you know I can totally relate to women who are trying and struggling to figure out the right way to go about it.  Looking at the issues through my experienced glasses which are no longer rose colored, I’m going to explain the problem in pretty basic terms.

The potential Hotwife writes to me and says, she wants to do it, but has no idea how to find a guy, and gives me a laundry list of issues she has with meeting men, or asks me lots of questions which tell me exactly what she is considering.

The new Hotwife who is having a problem being consummated, meaning actually losing her Hotwife cherry, usually has exactly the same issues.  It’s a reality issue.  Couples talk to each other about what they want the result to be. The wife is trying to, or considering trying, to fulfill her husband’s very normal desire to share her with other men.  That’s the easy part.

They talk about her expectations and his expectations and what her role is, and what his roles is, if any, but hopefully none.  They talk about what she is going to do and they talk about how she is going to make it happen.  They are looking at it from the view of sex, and expectations of the event of actually being shared.

What they typically gloss over is how to get there.  Most of their planning is about Step Ten.  The problem that these women are having is they are trying to start their Hotwife career with Step Ten, because that is the way the Lifestyle is portrayed in the porn sewer.

When a woman writes to me and asks me what to ask, and what to say to a potential sex partner she is trying to meet on line, like should she ask to see a blood test lab report, or should he have a condom, that tells me she is trying to start at Step Ten.

The same is true for the new unconsummated Hotwife.  She is also struggling with making a hook up for the same reason.  She is trying to start with getting results, at Step Ten.

Ladies, don’t start with Step Ten!  Start with Step One, with no expectation of sex, and no pressure.  There are two vastly different ways that women tell me they are trying to meet men.  I used to explain these methods by describing the differences in these two strategies by referring to meeting men in person for the first time, like in a bar or club, as the Mr. Tonight method, as opposed to looking on a website, which is the Mr. Right method.

Evidently I sent the wrong message to some women who told me they can’t meet a guy for the first time and have spontaneous, recreational, casual sex, with him.  (Step Ten thinking).

OK, so don’t start with sex at Step Ten.  Start with Step One, by putting yourself in some social environment where you can meet men just to see if there is any chemistry.  If there is chemistry, then do a little flirting.  If there is enough sexual chemistry that you would like to get to know him better, than do that.  Give him your email address.  Give the process as long as it takes to feel comfortable taking another Step.  I didn’t specifically mean that Mr. Tonight had to be THIS tonight!

“But Dr. Lexi, I don’t drink!”  No problem, drink Ginger Ale, or club soda.  “But Dr. Lexi, carbonated beverages give me hives!”  Grrr!  These women are not making excuses to me.  They are making excuses to themselves because they either don’t want to do it, or they are trying to start with Step Ten and are panicked about it.

It’s no different for the women that are looking on line.  “Dr. Lexi, I don’t want to meet men in person for the first time.  I would rather get to know him on line first.” Here’s the problem with that, Mary. You either talked about being a Hotwife, with your husband’s permission to “sleep” with him, or you didn’t.

The site you used to find him is going to tell him a lot.  What you tell him about yourself is going to tell him a lot more, and you still haven’t solved your problem about your reluctance of meeting him in person the first time.  On top of that, now there is the expectation that you are meeting him for sex.  Maybe not the first time, but that’s why you are meeting him at all.

Trust me, I have done it both ways, Mary, and the Mr. Tonight method has a lot less issues that go along with it, even if you get hives from drinking carbonated beverages.

Lastly, I want to share some of my email stats with you.  Based on the email I get from frustrated women, I can tell you with complete certainty, that if you go for Plan B, and decide to meet Mr. Right on a dating, or hook up site, and you pour your heart out about your plan, and you and your husband want to meet him publicly first , there is a very high likelihood that he will be a no show!

So how do I know that? Because that’s what couples tell me almost every week. I know why that happens but that’s not my discussion for today.  I’m not trying to talk anyone into doing anything they don’t want to do.  Do it however you want, but you will have a much easier time finding the right guy if you start with Step One, instead of Step Ten!

October 7, 2018

I want to say right up front that I am aware this particular blog Post is not going to sit well with the Morals Police.  I already know I will receive some hate mail, so bring it!  I don’t cry any more when someone does not share my views!

Sometimes my email runs in strange cycles, subject wise.  I’m not sure why that is.  This time it was about religion.  In the last two weeks I have received maybe a dozen emails from both men and women on this subject.

When I first started writing, my readers were mostly men who had the fantasy of wife sharing, but had nobody else to talk to about it, most specifically his wife, so he wrote to me. The gist of those early emails consisted of reasons why he thought his wife would never go for it.  The list almost always included “her religious upbringing” among other reasons.  He didn’t actually know that, he simply had the idea in his brain it would be a deal killer.

Once I began publishing in the mainstream media, and began focusing more of my writing on Mary, that is to say writing for women, my female readership went way up.  I know that for two reasons.  The first reason is because I know who is following me.  The second reason is because now my email ratio of men to women is almost 50-50.

The only reason that is important to know is because of what I’m going to say about it next.  Men and women look at the subject of religion very differently.  The only thing they have in common is they usually are not talking to each other about it.

Men still tell me their wife’s religious upbringing is a major issue.  Here is the truth about that.  Most of the time when a man tells me his wife won’t date because of her strict religious upbringing, it’s not a reason.  It’s simply a roadblock that means she’s not ready, or needs more information, or wants her marriage fixed first.

Surprisingly, I have never received an email from a woman saying she would love to be a Hotwife but couldn’t get past the religious “implications”.  When a woman mentions religion, its usually more in the form of a question wondering how other women think about it.  Think about that for a minute.  There are not many venues where a woman would feel comfortable asking questions of that nature.

So, what are the religious implications?  I have covered this before in a somewhat different form.  This time I will cover all the bases as it relates to the Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle.  So far as I know, the only religious implication is Adultery.  I mean when you boil it down to the bottom line it’s about “Though Shalt not commit Adultery!”

I want everyone to understand that I am not a religious scholar.  I also want you all to understand that you need to make your own decisions on what’s right and what’s wrong.  I’m not going to tell you how you should think.  I’m simply going to tell you how a woman who is a practicing Hotwife see’s this subject.

Here is how I see it. Adultery is less about sex and more about your relationship.  A woman having an affair behind her husband’s back is committing Adultery whether she is having sex, or an affair of the heart, without sex.

A woman who is dating other men for the benefit of her marriage, not only has her husband’s knowledge, but also his consent, and encouragement.  The Hotwife is not committing Adultery.

I could have said that Adultery is less about sex and more about intent, but I was afraid if I said it that way first, it would be confusing, but if you got this far maybe you will understand what I mean about intent.  A woman having an affair, has the intent to deceive her husband.  She is committing Adultery.  A woman who is not deceiving her husband is not committing Adultery if she has both his knowledge and his consent.

So that’s that.  While I’m on that subject though, I also want to address a somewhat related subject.  What is a Cuckold?  I get two or three emails a week from men who spend the first few paragraphs making it clear they are not a Cuckold, have no tendencies, are not a sissy, do not have a tiny penis, or any other negative trait.  They simply have the very normal fantasy of wanting to share their wife with other men, and want to know how to go about making his desire, her reality.

I instantly know these men found me by searching in the porn sewer.  How do I know that?  Because that’s where the idea of being a Cuckold was born as it relates to this Lifestyle.  The porn and fantasy caption writers have seriously distorted the reality of this Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle, by portraying the husband of a Hotwife as a Cuckold.

In the real world that is not even possible unless you are role playing with your wife.  By definition, a man is a Cuckold if his wife is spreading her legs for other men without his knowledge or his consent. She could have his knowledge, but not his consent.  He would still be a Cuckold, if he knew about it, didn’t like it, but did nothing to stop her.

So by definition it’s not possible for a Hotwife to be married to a Cuckold, unless that’s how you like it because you like to role play fantasy.

So why did I say that these two subjects are related?  Because both Adultery, and Cuckold, have similar elements.  They are knowledge, and consent.  A hotwife is not committing Adultery, and the husband of a Hotwife is not a Cuckold!

August 19, 2018

This Post is not part of my Message to Mary series, which has been more successful than I could have ever imagined based on the email I have received.  I promise there is another one coming soon though.

I wish there was a way for me to convey to all of you, how many emails I get from men who say something like “I wish I had found your blog/website, before telling my wife that I wanted to share her with other men.”

These are men that I have to hand down a ladder so they can climb out of the marital hole they dug for themselves by blurting out what they wanted her to do because she didn’t volunteer her services after years of hinting during pillow talk.  I have to help them climb out of the hole first, before I can help them make a better plan, now that they found me.

Although my message has not changed much over the past four years I continue to look for better and easier ways to get my message out.

This Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is an amazing marriage saving/enriching Lifestyle that will Supercharge the marriage of any right thinking people that do even just a little bit of research outside of the porn and fantasy world.  This is getting easier to do now that my message is becoming more popular in the mainstream media.

I no longer have to rely on being a blogger in the porn and fantasy sewer where I began swimming upstream against the current of porn and fantasy caption writers who glorify the fantasy side of this Lifestyle, but not the reality side.

“So, Dr. Lexi*, if you hate the porn/fantasy sewer so much, why are you still blogging there?”  Because no matter where anyone searches on line for anything of a marital/sexual nature, or alternative marriage lifestyle, one thing is a constant.  All roads lead to porn!

I don’t care where or how people find my message.  I only care that they find it.  When I began my crusade, so far as I knew I was the only voice of reason out here that was telling the truth, both the good and the not so good aspects about this Lifestyle.  Now I am getting emails from people who said they were referred to my website, or my blog, by other bloggers or Lifestyle forums, which are honestly not much better than the porn sewer for getting the truth out but maybe that is starting to change.

Since I mentioned the not so good aspects about this Lifestyle, and because I don’t want to get a hundred emails asking me what they are, I will explain it to you.  I can’t look into the hearts and minds of every person who asks me for help entering this Lifestyle.

Not all men who write to me for help, tell me the truth, and have an ulterior motive.  Not every wife who agrees to try this Lifestyle, is doing so in the best interest of her marriage.  My bullshit detector is pretty good, but it’s not foolproof.  I do the best I can, but Dr. Lexi* is human!

On the other hand, you would be surprised at how many emails I get like this.  “Are you a real person?”  I smile to myself and say, “Yes I am a real person.  How can I help you?”

So how can I craft my message to all the guys out there that haven’t yet actually done anything beyond pillow talk hinting?  It’s really very simple.  Not only that, it’s a conversation you can have in the kitchen without worrying about ducking from a flying projectile aimed at your head.

What you probably want your wife to do, in your pillow talk fantasy, is to get her to agree to go to a bar and get picked up for sex.  It doesn’t matter if that’s not exactly what you want, but the end game is that you want her to spread her legs for other men.

In the world of Fantasy that would be considered Step One.  In the world of Reality which is where you and the little woman actually conduct your lives, along with your 2.3 kids, a dog, a mortgage, or rent payment, what you want you wife to do, is not Step One, its Step Ten.

The reason you have been doing all this pillow talk hinting is because you couldn’t figure out how to get your sexy wife to take the hint, nor could you figure out a way to ask her to make your fantasy, her reality.

That’s only a problem when you want to start with Step Ten.  So don’t start with Step Ten.  Start with Step One.  It’s a conversation you can have almost anywhere unless you have curious teenagers. It’s also a conversation you can have without a lot of Intimacy in your relationship although any conversation is easier if you have Intimacy in your relationship.

So what is Step One? Step One is not about sex.  Step One is about spicing up your marriage. That’s a conversation you should have been having all along anyway, and if your Mary is like most women she probably wishes you would want that.

“Mary, I have an idea about how to add some spice to our marriage.”  You say, while you are checking out her ass while she is stirring a pot of Spinach on the stove.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” She says, but she stops stirring and turns around to look at you, because she is curious.  Trust me, it is super easy to Communicate with a curious woman.

“Well, every time I see a guy checking you out it seriously turns me on.  I have an idea of a game we can play together where I can watch men checking you out or trying to flirt with you when they don’t know who I am and think you are alone.  You don’t have to do anything at all except act interested.  Playing that game with you will add spice to our marriage both in and out of the bedroom.”

That’s it!  It’s a conversation you shouldn’t be afraid to have. The game WILL add spice to your marriage and will start growing more Intimacy.  That’s Step One.  It will allow both of you to keep taking small Steps up the ladder, and Mary will never have to do anything outside of her comfort zone because her comfort zone will expand along with your level of Intimacy.

You may never even have to ask her to open up her end of your marriage.  Guys tell me all the time that by the time they get to Step Five of Step Six, his wife asks “So how far do you want me to go with this game?”

The way I have explained this game on my website is a bar game because that’s where my husband Michael came up with it.  If you think about this game as a concept though, you will see that this game can be played almost anywhere depending on your creativity.

I have also explained in that piece how you should and should not, answer that question if your wife asks.  Read that carefully because it might be real important to your outcome!

The page on my website where you can find this game is called The Chili’s Game.  It is explained fully, including how and why it works.