Mostly For the Funsies

Disclaimer: Toxic “fans” DNI (do not interact). Queerphobes included.

Note: I am still very much figuring out my own identity and where I sit under the queer umbrella. It’s been a process, which is confusing. Though fandom and media have been somewhat safe havens for me while I navigate it, I have a love-hate relationship with them. I’m writing this because I genuinely want to learn and understand. However, there’s a specific trend I’ve been seeing lately that’s making my brain short circuit.

We need to talk about the habit of rainbow-washing opposite-sex dynamics. Specifically, in the context of taking male-female pairs (ones that are clearly written as platonic/familial) and treating them as “romantic queer coding.”

I want to be cautious here; this is absolutely not about bi/pan/m-spec erasure. A relationship between a man and a woman can be inherently queer if 1 or both parties are bi, pan, a-spec, trans, or anywhere else on the spectrum. Bi/Pan/M-spec people in opposite-sex relationships are valid, queer, and deserve to see their romances treated with respect rather than dismissed as “straight.” What I am talking about is the tendency to take a brilliant, deeply bonded, completely non-romantic male-female duo, shoehorning them into a “romantic” relationship, and somehow claiming a victory for “representation.” From where I’m standing, it feels less like progress and more so a cop-out.

However, I really want to hear from actual LGBTQ+ folks on this. Am I reading this wrong or is this trend doing a disservice to both platonic/familial love and actual queer identity?

Why It Feels Off to Me

As someone trying to figure things out, here is why this specific trend feels fundamentally misguided:

*The Erasure of Found/Chosen Family and Platonic Intimacy; We live in a culture that already struggles to understand that guys and gals can just be friends and that found/chosen family can be as sacred as romance. Slapping a romantic/sexual label on a healthy, affectionate, platonic opposite-sex bond-even when at least 1 character is canonically queer-can reinforce the toxic idea that deep emotional intimacy must always equal romance.

*Aesthetics Over Activism; Forcing a strictly non-romantic opposite-sex pairing into a romantic box regardless of whether they conform to traditional gender roles feels rather lazy (even the “straight-passing” schtick is counterproductive). It seems like people want to pat themselves on the back for being “progressive” without doing the actual work of supporting, creating, and/or championing actual queer romantic arcs or canonically LGBTQ+ characters.

*Platonic Queer/LGBTQ+ Representation Matters; Why can't we celebrate an opposite-sex friendship where a queer character and a straight character (or at least 2 queer characters) have an entirely platonic, ride-or-die bond? Showing an LGBTQ+ person having a deeply supportive, non-romantic relationship with someone of a different gender is incredibly powerful and realistic. Why must we feel the need to romanticize/sexualize it to make it valid?

How does it look from my corner? A man and a woman having a healthy, emotionally vulnerable, non-romantic relationship is subversive. Rebranding such heavily platonic bonds as “romantic queer coding” so that people can ship them without feeling vanilla is akin to using an identity as an aesthetic (erasing the beauty of platonic solidarity in the process).

We Need to Do Better (and I Want to Hear From You)

Maybe I’m overthinking it, but if we want better representation, we have to stop settling for the illusion of it.

If a male-female pair has an incredible, ride-or-die platonic/familial bond, shouldn't we keep it that way? Doesn't that show the world that love exists in massive, beautiful ways outside of sex and romance (even within the queer community)? If we want queer representation (romantic or otherwise), shouldn't we demand and hype up the real thing; actual LGBTQ+ creators and canonically queer romantic arcs? Instead of retroactively romanticizing a solid, platonic/familial opposite-sex dynamic?

For the LGBTQ+ community who has been navigating these spaces longer than me, what are your thoughts? Am I missing any nuances? How do we balance fighting for bi/pan/m-spec visibility in opposite-sex relationships while also protecting and celebrating the importance of strictly platonic/familial bonds? Let's talk about it; we can all do much better.

Not really new in both the MHA/BNHA and “Honkai” fandoms, but it bears repeating; some opposite-sex ships simply do not have the romantic chemistry certain people claim. Specifically, I’m looking at Shoto Todoroki/Momo Yaoyorozu and Dan Heng/March 7th.

To me, both of these pairings radiate pure “besties” energy. Forcing a romantic/sexual lens onto their dynamics feels very unnatural and it usually results in flattening their individual character growth to fit a generic couple dynamic (including the infantilization of the characters involved). No matter how you spin it, these relationships heavily lean platonic/familial. Even the bi4bi, pan4pan, etc. arguments can fall flat.

Literally, it’s frustrating when fans of these pairs push them as romantic defaults. You could argue that March and Danny have more screen time together, but spending time together doesn’t automatically equal romantic subtext. They get along, trust each other, and function as a vital support system, but do they need to be a couple to validate that? No. In fact, their platonic/familial bond is too precious to be reduced to a standard romance (this also applies to the Todoroki & Yaomomo pair as well).

Disclaimer: NOT a romantic ship post (don’t tag it as such)! Also includes swear words, so read at your own discretion.

Note: Platonic content of the Dan Heng and March 7th pair is still kind of limited, so I’m putting my contributions out there.

Context: A simple recon mission on a snowy, backwater planet. Dan Heng specifically requested a “low-profile” approach. March 7th decided that the “low-profile” approach included the 6-Phased Ice explosion as a “distraction.” This likely occurred before the Trailblazer’s (Stelle/Caelus) arrival.

Dan Heng; March, I’m trying to understand the cognitive leap required to go from “slip past the guards” to “detonate a literal glacier” in the middle of a residential district.

March 7th; Oh, don't give me that look! It worked, didn't it? We’re back on the ship, have the data, and nobody died. Stop being such a buzzkill!

Dan Heng; We’re back on the ship because I had to drag you through a sewage vent while being shot at by automated turrets. My Cloud-Piercer is covered in grime, yet you were still trying to take a photo of the explosion for some reason.

March 7th; It was a great explosion, Danny! The lighting was perfect! Honestly, fuck your “low-profile” plan. It was boring. We would have been crouching in a bush for 3 hours. My knees can't take that kind of disrespect.

Dan Heng; (Pauses, rubbing the bridge of his nose.) Language, March. Your knees would have been fine if you weren't wearing those ridiculous boots for a stealth op.

March 7th; Excuse me? These boots are iconic. Don't “language” me, you repressed dragon! I saw you mouth a “holy shit” when that robot almost took your head off. Don't act like you're the Saint of Silence.

Dan Heng; I reacted to a near-death experience. You reacted to a lack of aesthetic “vibes.” There is a massive fucking difference.

March 7th; (Gasping dramatically.) Did you just...you did! The Great Dan Heng said a swear word! I’m telling Himeko. No, wait-I’m telling Welt. You’re going to get a lecture on “emotional regulation” while I film every second of it.

Dan Heng; If you bring that camera near me in the next 24 hours, I will personally ensure that your room service deliveries are redirected to the trash.

March 7th; You wouldn't dare. That's cold, even for you.

Aftermath

*Silent Treatment: Dan and March won't speak for exactly 3 hours.

*The dragon will eventually leave a specialized lens-cleaning cloth outside the pinkette’s door.

Disclaimer: Toxic “fans” DNI (do not interact). Queerphobes included.

Let’s talk about an elephant on the Astral Express (Dan Heng/March 7th). Every fandom has that 1 “default” ship people cling to because it happens to be conveniently heteronormative and consists of the first 2 characters you meet. Just because they’re “opposites attract” on paper doesn’t mean they belong in a romance. In fact, if you really look at their dynamic (especially after March’s “Hunt” path and Evernight revelations), shipping said pair feels like a step backward for both her and Dan.

1. The “Opposites Attract” Trap

The trope is classic; stoic, traumatized scholar and bubbly, amnesiac girl. In Dan/March, this doesn’t manifest as romantic tension (more so sibling-like exhaustion). Dan Heng doesn’t look at March with “pining” eyes; he looks at her like a brother who is 1 “check out” away from a migraine. Their bickering isn’t flirtatious-it’s the functional friction of 2 people who have been stuck on a train together for too long. Forcing a romance here ruins the “found family” vibe, which is among the most sacred things the Express has.

2. The Evernight Shift Barely Changed Anything

Even after March took up the sword and we start peeling back the layers of her past (or lack thereof), the romantic chemistry didn’t magically appear. If anything, seeing March grow into a more capable version of herself only highlights how much she needs peers (not a babysitter). Dan Heng is carrying the weight of the High Elder’s sins; March is a blank slate trying to write her own future. They’re walking in completely different directions.

3. Better Suitors for March 7th

If we have to ship the pinkette mascot with someone, there are options that actually create a spark instead of a wet firework:

*The Trailblazer (Stelle/Caelus): They are among the better Express suitors for March. Why? Because they’e both “newborns” in this world. They share the trauma of not knowing their origins and are partners-in-crime who enable each other’s chaos. Whereas Dan Heng just tries to suppress it.

*Sunday: Despite the currently nascent dynamic between him and March, the potential is there. You have the ultimate symbol of “Order & Control” vs a girl who is literally defined by the “Remembrance” and chaos of being unfixed in time. The narrative friction between Sunday’s heavy, philosophical burden and March’s forced optimism is much more interesting than the “he’s quiet, she’s loud” trope with Dan.

Also, can’t the pinkette at least be paired with someone that isn’t really part of nor have a long history with the Express? Preferably those who are legal and better match her overall vibe/energy (especially in a romantic sense)?

Bottom Line: Romantically shipping Dan/March 7th is the path of least resistance. It’s safe, easy, and kind of boring. Let Danny have his peace and quiet; March can find someone who doesn’t treat her like a chore to be managed.

Why I'm Not a Fan (The “Hot Take” Conclusion)

As someone who isn’t even a huge fan of March’s “main character energy” to begin with, the ships often feel like they’re trying to make her more interesting than she actually is. If we’re going to do it, at least choose the ships that challenge her character rather than ones that just feel like a default setting.

Seriously, keep most of the Astral Express (minus certain ships) strictly platonic/familial. The “found family” is already full as it is.