Jennyanne Arts

In order to find consistency – one must first accept that they are inconsistent.

I wept in my therapists office this week, as I often do. I know how privileged I am to be able to go and see a top notch Clinical Psychologist Privately every few weeks.

But, another thing I’ve been privileged with is an inquisitive mind and access to the bazillions of books I have read in the past while trying to…

Living well with Bipolar Disorder

I’ve came a long way in the past few months since accepting my diagnosis. I did ponder over whether to remove some of my earlier posts on here – BUT – after a long hard think – I decided against it.

Sometimes – as part of my illness – my mind implodes. This is however, a very ‘normal’ part of experiencing a bipolar episodes – so for that reason – they stay. A word of caution to you however, my…

Starting a new “normal”

My mixed episode has finished.

HUZZAH!!!!

Jennyanne is back. I always know I am back because my happy memories return. Memories of days gone by, the music I love, the foods I want to eat again. I think about fun nights out and enjoyable days in. I start reminiscing, the smiles return once the foggy thoughts disappear and my usual cheery self is here once again!

I’ve decided to start a REAL…

Realizing you’re a “normal” human being.

It’s been a fantastic journey this past 12 months. I traveled to the other side of the world and figured myself out, I spoke in another language to people who didn’t speak a word of English and got over many fears about self belief with that.

And… then I came home and got diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I then hid the fact I have bipolar disorder, then I…

I watched a great documentary today about bipolar disorder from a psychologists perspective. I have one of these and she’s invaluable but she keeps coming back to my perfectionism and my black and white thinking WHEN I’m in an episode – I’m not like this when I’m stable…

The findings of the documentary were that – yes – genetic component, triggered by traumatic events that change the neural…

I refuse to be a victim!

It is HARD coming to the realization that your life is your life. My version of Bipolar 2 had a wonderful way of telling me that the life I was leading was just a pitstop to a magical, wondrous different life that I didn’t need to plan for – it would just arrive one day! The depressions said the opposite – told me it was all a massive lie and I needed to jump off a bridge…

Don’t be afraid of saying something wrong!

  Today I was told by someone that they’ve been reading my blogs and that I’ve helped them to learn to understand what Bipolar disorder is like. I quipped possibly inside my head – ‘ha, I wish it was helping me to understand what Bipolar is like’. They then went on to tell me that they don’t know anyone else with Bipolar.

“Me either”, I said.

That’s one of the reasons it is so hard. It is one of…

It’s coming up to two years since I completed my hoffman process. Before I went in – I naively believed that I’d be “fixed” when I left in 8 days… Little did I know that was only the beginning.

My teacher said something to me that resonated – she said it takes people on average 2 years to get their shit together – to make their changes and start to live their best life… I’ve mentioned this…

Oh sweet sleep,

oh nectar of dreams

How you nourish me and bring me back to health.

I will cherish you forever.

Until illness do we part.

🥰😍😍

Probably not a haiku – but inspired by them! Haha.

Right kids – I am on the road to recovery! I slept last night – for the first time in over a week! I’m going to get all of my amazing healthy habits back in place now and nurture myself back to optimum health.

If you notice me in the gym and eating a lot of fruit – I’m extremely well! If you notice me getting on with my life, enjoying things and smiling a lot – I’m super fine and basking in the…

So, I just found out that a person I once shared a room with for a long time took their own life recently.

This person seemed so calm and so at peace when I knew them – there was never a hint or a sign of the type of depression that takes away a life. Not to me anyway. Perhaps it didn’t exist then and only surfaced later… Or perhaps it was there hidden all along.

TRUST ME – I think I am REALLY…

I have rapid cycling bipolar with mixed episodes. I always kind of knew this BUT as I’ve said before – knowing something, having it diagnosed and accepting it are all different beasts.

Today I feel blessed. I’ve been up, down, inside and outside lately and my brain has been taking a pummeling. BUT my self awareness has made me proud.

Impulses have been hitting me left right and centre HOWEVER…

Dedicating time to my practice!

Ok people!

The day is drawing near.

I Jennifer Anne Smith aka Jennyanne do SOLEMNLY swear that as of NEXT WEEK I will dedicate a MINIMUM of one day per week to ACTUALLY making my own damn Art. For too long I’ve allowed my own practice to sit on a shelf or to live only within my dreams and imagination.

I will do this no more.

I PROMISE.

These ideas percolated for an incredibly long time but now…

Choosing Art over family life…

Over the past few months I’ve been formulating ideas for my ‘bipolar coming out story’ sculptures. I envisioned a series of sculptures that talk about the things I had to deal with and come to terms with since getting and accepting my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. These two things may seem similar on the surface but they are not. The diagnosis is one thing – the acceptance is a whole other ball…

The Power of Art and Rape

This evening I got home from a glorious day at work where I’d spent the whole evening saying ‘people in general are good, everyone has good intentions, believe the positive, look for the good etcetera etcetera yada yada yada AND – in GENERAL its true! Or at least I need to think it is – because I don’t like living in a world thats full of ugliness and horror…

I posted on my facebook that ‘I LOVE…

Impulse control…

Impulse control is something I’ve ALWAYS struggled with. I never quite understood it before I started to understand bipolar.

Sometimes this is a good thing, it means I once jumped out of an airplane, completed a yoga teacher training course in India and that I even got to lecture once at the University of Cambridge!

How it negatively affects my life however – is the impact it can…

You can lead a horse to water…

…but you can not make it drink! 

My most recent Springboard is coming to a close – one session left – EEK. And as it is drawing near I’m reflecting on how I get better as time goes by… I told them last week that any workshop takes practice to hone. The first time I deliver something – it can go pretty badly (to me!) however by time 5 – that workshop is golden. It’s the same with my Springboard…