“ the word to describe what i feel for her has not been invented yet. ” and how she wish it's an exaggeration. “ what did she didn't do to me ? i clothed her. educated her. introduced her to my friends. and what did she do ? made up some bullshit story about how i mistreated her. she did not stop there. no. she also stole my boyfriend. i mean, i don't care. she can have him, but it's the betrayal of it i'm pissed about. ” a deep slow breath to calm herself before she gets too worked up. “ don't worry. she likes the bad boys. leather jacket. brushed up hair. do you smoke ? she likes the whole stereotypical ordeal so she cana be the cute good girl that fixed you. the exception or whatever the fuck trope she's in to. ”

head  turned  sharply  toward  the  door,  instinct  taking  over  before  dissolving  the  moment  he  realized  it  was  only  jiyu.  shoulders  loosened,  arms  crossing  over  his  chest  as  he  watched  her,  the  instant  noodles  he as eating forgotten now.  “ no  way. ”  stood  up  with  a  small  grin,  taking  the  money  from  her  hand  and  counting  it  with  an  ease  that  lifted  his  mood  in  plain  sight.  “ he did,  but  i  pretended  i  wasn’t  home. ”  up  close,  his  gaze  caught  on  the  bruises  and  dried  blood,  the  humor  thinning  without  disappearing  as  he  pulled  her  toward  the  bathroom  without  a  word,  wetting  a  cloth  and  carefully  pressing  it  to  her  skin,  his  eyes  lingering  before  he  finally  spoke,  quieter  now.  “ how did you get it? ”

“ yes way ! ” excitement laced with her response. a brighter smile induced by the grin on his face etched against her lips. eyes gleamed with pure euphoria as she watched the instant shift in his mood. it's this simple sight of him like this makes it all worth it. “ that's smart ” she points at him with a nod. her frame easily follows him to the bathroom. no questions asked. no hesitation. he remains to be the only person she will willingly follow. “ college kids. ” like the statement itself should be enough. “ they got too many drinks. lots of unattended bag, ” she adds with a proud nod. “ i would have gotten away with it but, i got greedy. but it's okay because look ! ” reaches in her pocket and shows a small teddy bear keychain. “ it looks like you, ” holds it close to his face. “ now i can take you everywhere with me. ”

“ i   want   to   hear   you   say it,   so   say   it   right   now. ”

“ come on, baby doll. don't make me beg. ”

         “ yeah, if i would've known you was gonna spend this whole car ride yelling at me, i would've called an uber. ”

“ and pay uber with what ? did you forget that your father froze everything because you can't act like an adult. what were you even thinking ? you know how much your father hates those so called friends of yours. ”

“never mind I shouldn’t have come,” she’s already twisting towards the door. they had a girlfriend, the last thing they needed was her bullshit problems making that complicated. “forget i even said anything.”

“ i never understood when people say something then proceed to say forget it. in the same fucking breath. why even bother saying it in the first place ? ” annoyance present on his tone. eyes darts toward the girl. “ is it so i'll beg you to tell me ? so you'll feel special ? ” he had a long night and he's directing his frustration at the wrong person. he let's a sigh out. “ just get to the fucking point marisol. ”

“ i... ”  syllable  dropping  into  the  space  between  them  like  a  loose  coin.  “ i  came  because... ”  she  stops,  because  the  rest  of  the  sentence  does  not  matter  anymore.  she  tightens  her  grip  on  the  paper  handles  of  the  bag,  digging  the  sharp  edges  into  her  palms  to  redirect  the  ache,  but  her  skin  stays  stubbornly  numb.  it  is  a  terrible  thing  to  realize  you  have  been  a  burden  for  months  without  knowing  it.  she  picks  at  the  neat,  shiny  edge  of  her  gelled  manicure  until  the  acrylic  lifts,  but  the  throbbing  under  her  ribs  stays  exactly  where  it  is.  she  is  finally  understanding  the  real  shape  of  his  thoughts.  “ i’m  sorry, ”  she  lets  out  in  a  small,  ragged  breath  as  she  looks  down  at  the  doormat.  her  fingers  loosen  against  the  paper  bag  until  the  plastic  wrappers  inside  make  a  quiet,  hollow  sound.  “ i..  i  didn’t  know  you  felt  that  way.  i  thought...  i  thought  we  were  friends. ”

part of his anger is also from his frustration that despite his action. xinyi remains completely unaware of his true feelings for her. whoever said action speaks louder than words is a real scam. “ because you never listened. you're always talking. not once have you stopped and think if this person even wants to hear your crappy love story that goes nowhere. you know why ? you know why they all treat you like shit ? because you're stupid. ” his breathing becomes heavy. surprised with what he said. but it's out there and he won't take it back because that's what he genuinely thinks. “ you're not hopeless romantic. you're just stupid, xinyi. ”

"now what the fuck would i have to say to you? thought we were moving on from each other but you keep looking at me. can't you control your eyes?" warren flicks the roach into the firepit roaring in front of them. all night he'd been trying to avoid the other. warren knew they were going to be here because they shared all the same friends. "surprised you didn't bring someone to rub it in my face." he turns his head to watch them from the camping chair he's sprawled out into. if he were less high he'd be more mad but as it stands he's feel more mushy than anything else. "but guess all that staring means you're still obsessed with me." @jellyaced

“ first of all, you were the one staring. ever heard of scopaesthesia ? brains are hardwired to detect threats. which seems to be functioning correctly cause it detcted you and your constant need for drama ” a calm tone despite the raging fire brewing at him from sheer annoyance. “ for someone who claims we're moving on from each other. you seem to be keeping a good track of what and who i am doing, ” he scoffs. “ based on everything you have just said. you're the one who seems to be obssessed and you're simply projecting. ” he shakes his head and smirk, “ that's okay. no ashamed of admitting you're not over me, ” taps the other's shoulder. “ a little tip. try to mingle with other people instead of keeping tabs on me. that will help you move on. ”

" nope not at all. " if she only knew what had been said about her. guess she didn't care to find out. " i'm sure he's going to welcome you back with open arms — don't worry. "

“ then what's the problem ? why is my lack of reaction seem to be that bothersome to you ? ” eyes studied him for a while. an amused smile slowly stretching on her lips. “ are you disppointed ? disppointed that despite your heroic gesture. i'm still choosing him over you ? ”

he's sure it couldn't go unnoticed — late nights, dodging calls, eventually arriving at their doorstep with damp hair, freshly showered. infidelity is the assumed route of thought, commonplace and pitifully so. only, while he wouldn't dare cross the threshold of an adulterer, he feels okay sneaking into a gym just to wash the blood out of his own hair. a sin in its own, though ichor and retribution was far more palatable than treachery. arthur wants to soften, reach out and soothe over the hurt, but his nature didn't lie in gentleness. he could only shift, tick his jaw to the right and clench, tendon strained and clearly visible. " you know i wouldn't do that. ever. " it's plain, cold, surely not comforting one bit. and, a redirection, his own eyes narrowed in response. " your secrets? what do you mean, your secrets? "

quite frankly, if he were to say yes about another woman. she is uncertain how she would react or handle. but all signs fit perfectly to it that it's hard to just keep a blind eye over it. and perhaps throwing it out there is her way to get it out of the way fast ⸺ so she can start healing. “ i actually wouldn't, arthur. these days, you're acting like a completely different man, ” an admission that felt bitter against her tongue. a forced smile on her lips. a practiced one that didn't last long until it became a real one. delightly assumes that her planned worked. “ what do you mean, what do i mean ? what ? you think you're the only mysterious one here. i can be too, ” she says with a teasing smile. “ am i really just a humble chef or maybe ... i'm a cold blooded murderer, ” she shrugs. “ you're right this is fun ! let's keep more secrets from each other. so don't tell me where you have been. so, dinner ? ”

                      ❝   simple?   ❞      the  word  comes  out  as  a  sputtering  mess.   heat  rushes  to  her  face   -   it  isn't  a  bashful  blush,   more  embarassed.      ❝   if  it's  so  simple  to  you,   that's  the  real  issue.   you  don't  even  care.   ❞

“ the fact that i am even tolerating having this discussion with you proves that i care enough. ” a heavy breath parts with his lops. “ she's your friend, is she not ? i helped her. i had no other intention other than helping her because she's your friend. it was a peck. she was probably too drunk to aim for the cheek or something. ”

paige crosses her arms over her chest defensively the second she can feel this conversation heading somewhere she doesn't like. "just leave," she snaps out of reflex. "if you're sick of me, if i'm such a nightmare to deal with, why are you still here?" she laughs bitterly, trying to mask the hurt in her expression. "it's not like i've ever asked you to wait around for me."

she won't lie. she is completely taken aback at how easy it was for the other to make that decision. to push her away. and perhaps she is stupid for even being surprised when the other never showed any true sign of being committed to this like her. “ good question. i even ask myself that and you know what the answer is ? you know the annoying fucking answer is ? it's because i love you. it's because i love enough to foolishly think you can change. that eventually, maybe you'll learn to be content with me. clearly, i was wrong. ” tears are suppressed from falling. her eyes glimmer from both the pain she is holding back and the anger brewing within her. but not at paige ⸺ at herself. “ i guess how can you love someone else when you probably don't even know how to love yourself, huh ? i pity you. i truly do. ”

gaze lingers on espresso hues, gino’s words settling deep in matteo’s chest - - guilt making an uncomfortable home beneath his ribs. matteo feels himself get defensive ( something he does when he knows he’s in the wrong ). “he wants a second chance. am i supposed to turn him down?” he scoffs, though the reasoning behind it is weak. “i don’t really have a choice. i don’t deserve anyone better and, fuck... i’m scared to be alone.” the words taste disgusting the moment they leave his mouth. because he knows the truth, he does have a choice : he can cut ties with his ex and be with gino. but his ex is predictable. matteo already knows how their fate will unfold, knows exactly how the hurt will feel because it’s an inevitable cycle. with gino, everything is uncertain. gino is kind and impossibly good to matteo, and that terrifies him more than any heartbreak he’s endured. so matteo has stuck to what he knows. but it isn’t fair, is it? features soften and he closes the space between them. “you deserve far better, gino. i want to be what you deserve, but i’m so fucking scared.” gaze searches gino’s features, “i expect heartbreak from him. but if i had to endure heartbreak from you? god…i don’t know if i’d recover.”

“ yes. you're supposed to turn him down after everything, matteo ! ” voice an octave higher. “ you're exactly supposed to turn him down, ” statement repeated in a much calmer, but broken voice. an incredulous chuff exhaled. eyes desperate to find something that won't completely break his heart in half, before it returns to the cause of its cracks. “ alone ? so all this time ? what the fuck am i then huh ? a fucking ghost ? ” then realization hits. he is probably nothing to matteo when he is his everything. a bittersweet smile etched on his lips. head shaking slowly at the realization. trying to make excuses. rationalize. everything but accept that all his efforts were in vain. “ don't give me that bullshit excuse, matteo ! you need to stop this. you need to stop stringing me along because we both know you will always choose him. ” and saying it out loud was the final sound he needed to hear for his heart to completely crash. “ you will always choose him, ” he repeats. more for himself. to stop himself from making a stupid decision as he gaze in those beautiful dark hues.

" it's nothing, okay? drop it. " feeling caged, shifting where he sat to absolve himself of the discomfort — yet, it persists, crawling up his neck and down the length of his arms, inescapable in every way. " it's just work. stressin' me out. nothing else. "

nothing  is  a  massive  word  to  throw  around  when  he  looks  tensed and  stiff. she  watches  the  way  he  shifts  on  the  cushion,  trying  to  shake  off  a  chill  that  obviously  didn't  come  from  the  room.  she’s  been  trying.  she  really  has.  she’s  spent  weeks  turning  a  blind  eye,  sweeping  the  quiet  shifts  in  him  under  the  rug,  pretending  the  distance  is  just  a  temporary  thing.  a  rough  patch.  but  it’s  getting  heavier.  “ you’ve  been  stressed  with  work  before  but..  you  were  never  like  this, ”  her  voice  is  calm.  she  doesn't  let  her  gaze  flicker  away,  keeping  her  eyes  locked  onto  his.  “ but  okay,  dropping  it. ”  an  easy  retreat paired with a shrug. a  too  easy.  “ we’re  all  privy  to  keeping  stuff  on  our  own.  you  have  your  secrets.  i  have  mine  so  yeah  okay.  dropping  it. ” but not quite. “ is it another woman ? ”