life's so fun !

he wants to understand it, more than anything he wants to be there for evie the way she so clearly needs him to be, and yet it feels like ever since they arrived every decision radi's made has been the wrong one. back home they were a team, finding comfort in each other — here, their differences are too clear. she's running from a family while he's never had one, trying to get off the path already carved out for her while he's only ever had the option of making his own. perhaps she does have more in common with some guys in a frat house than with him. “ you have no idea how lucky you are. ” his head shakes, words muttered to the night air as the hole in his chest pulls at the seams. “ evie, you get to be here because those people love you — because dallas went behind his boss to help you, because your brother wants you to be happy. ” and because he'll drop everything in his life to go along and keep her safe. in a heartbeat, the same way he always has done. “ i'm not a pawn. ” he disagrees , words heavy as dark eyes scan through the darkness. it's second nature and yet he's glad of the excuse not to keep looking at the hurt features, unsure how long he can stop himself from trying to wrap an arm round her if he does. “ i make my own decisions. i'm protecting the people who took me in when the world you're desperate to be part of left me to deal with it. ” as a child. sawyer's far from perfect, but his family had been kinder than any social worker ever managed. “ you get to live more than any of us. ” he mutters, hands shoving in jacket pockets to force them not to reach out as he readies to start walking. “ and you won't die there, not as long as i'm around. ”

SHE STANDS HERE LOOKING AT HIM, and for the first time since they arrived she's wondering if maybe she's made the wrong choice. maybe it would hurt less to stay behind — at least the pain of a blade and the ringing of a gunshot would be familiar. radi doesn't want to be here any more than she wants to be there. she stands here looking at him and everything comes unraveling: he won't understand. he can't. he's just like the rest of them. and in his eyes she's the same ungrateful girl they all see. « do you want me to feel guilty about it ? » she spits, hands clenching into fists. she wants to be soft, kind, understanding, but she was also forged in this fire. and she does feel it: the guilt. the knowledge that she has it easy, that she's not held to the same standards, that her brother, her friends, her radi will ensure her safety before anything else. but safety is not the same as happiness. « you're protecting people who throw you into the fire again and again and again. it's not a choice, radi. it's a sickness. » and she has it too — she loves those people, her family. but she will not sacrifice her life answering for their sins. she already has too many scars etched onto her skin that she carries no memory of. « fuck, i — i don't want to fight with you. okay ? i just want to go home. i'll find the way myself. »

             it's   not   the   first   time   it's   happened.   it's   not   even   the   first   contract   where   it's   happened.   arun   was   used   to   pain   and   had   come   to   expect   it   as   part   of   his   life.   what   never   got   easier   was   the   shame   at   having   to   just   take   it.   to   stand   still   and   anticipate   each   blow   ,   even   when   the   human   instinct   was   the   run.   once   charles   had   passed   out   on   the   bed   he   noiselessly   moved   through   the   house   until   he   felt   like   he   could   breathe.   the   air   on   the   balcony   felt   cool   against   his   skin   and   he   slid   down   the   wall   until   he   was   sitting   down   on   the   cold   concrete. he   didn't   react   when   troye   appeared   next   to   him.   the   only   thing   that   changed   was   the   slight   pang   of   surprise   with   he   was   handed   an   ice   pack   without   a   word.   it   didn't   take   a   genius   to   figure   out   that   his   companion   had   been   in   this   situation   before   charles   had   found   an   easier   target.    "does   it   matter   ?"    it   sounded   bitter   and   childish   ,   even   to   his   own   ears.   still   ,   he   accepted   the   ice   pack   from   troye   and   pressed   it   against   his   cheek.    "all   i'm   good   for   ,   after   all."

HE HEARS THE WORDS HE'S hurled in the other's direction so many times spoken from their mouth and it startles troye. he's becoming the very thing he's loathed for years and it's not like he's been completely oblivious and blindsided by this transformation. he just figured he'd ignore the issue until he no longer can — and it seems that may be now. he is not the person who should be out here consoling sunny, but he is also the only person in this house who might. his dad has never offered anything but fear and a knuckle, and troye isn't sure why he ever thought the other man would be treated any differently. there will never be love in this home as long as charles lives. « that's not ... » he begins, but no matter what it is. none of them make the rules here after all. « i didn't know he was hitting you. that's not right. » he leans over the railing, unable to meet the other's gaze. « no money in the world makes that shit right. »

Lizzy Greene and Garrett Wareing in Ransom Canyon

she knows it's twisted that seeing him on the arm of someone else makes her want him more, a messy game in which bellamy will never be hers and yet she can't stand the idea of him being someone else's either. “ and what would you know about love? ” raven bites back, eyes boring into him as if she can crack her way through the skin to find whatever makes him tick. and maybe she'll destroy it. or maybe she won't. “ at least i know better than to mess with it. the one poor girl who might have loved you, and you've already done enough to break her heart. whatever you think i am — remember, you're worse, and we both know you'd do it again. ”

HE WANTS HER, that's the worst part of all of this. she can stand there and spit bullet after bullet and he'll only dig his heels deeper. people like them are wired wrong — made to believe love hides in closed fists and hurled insults. it's all he's ever known. « don't give me that. don't act like you care, » he huffs, meeting her defiant gaze with his own fire. until the heat is too much for even him and he looks away, fixing his gaze upon a point past her. « i would. i would do it a thousand times over. » if it ensures his power there's no telling what he won't do, though with raven's proximity he feels uncertain in a way that undoubtedly weakens him. he should leave, but he can't. two sides of the same coin. « why do you care ? you're breaking her heart with me. »

nuria  looked  at  him  with  that  usual  glimmer  of  innocence  of  hers,  something  she  didn’t  even  possess  an  ounce  of  in  reality.  despite  it  being  one  of  her  tried  and  tested  tricks,  she  didn’t  expect  it  to  wear  down  her  brother’s  defenses.  not  that  she  wished  to  complain,  even  when  she  could’ve  done  without  the  remaining  testiness.    “  make  myself  useful  doing  what?  grabbing  the  aux  cable  and  blasting  shut  up  and  drive  from  the  speakers?  ”    her  words  were  nothing  but  mockery,  but  she  still  let  saint  drag  her  along  towards  his  vehicle.    “  which  one  is  yours  again? is it the pink one?  ”

HE WANTS TO SAY THAT years spent alongside his sister has made him immune to the feigned innocence in familiar blue hues, but despite knowing better than to fall for it she is still his sister. abandoning her here will never be an option, not when he knows all too well what kind of audience is out there. « funny, » he mutters, only letting go of her arm when they're stood right by his car. « you see that nissan over there ? » she won't know what to look for he realizes a short second later. « blue and orange. that's montgomery. remember when i broke my wrist that one time ? yeah, i didn't fall on the ice. motherfucker made me crash. » he shoots nuria a grin. « you're gonna keep an eye on him. he's gonna be on our ass. now get in. »

             as   much   as   sage   appreciated   the   easy   going   nature   of   their   relationship   ,   it   felt   nice   to   know   that   he   had   someone   who   would   listen   by   his   side.   tobi   made   things   make   sense   in   his   life   —   even   though   he   was   twenty   six   year   old   drop   out   working   at   a   roller   rink.   with   her   it   didn't   seem   so   bad.   "i   hope   she   will   ,"   he   replied   quietly   ,   wondering   if   the   day   would   ever   come.   fern   had   every   right   to   feel   betrayed   ,   but   sage   wished   that   there   was   some   way   he   could   reach   through   the   hard   exterior   to   make   her   understand   that   he   would've   died   staying   in   that   house.   it   was   selfish   and   unfair   to   his   siblings   ,   but   it   was   the   first   thing   sage   had   done   for   himself   his   entire   life.   "i'm   sorry.   i'm   bringing   down   the   mood."

SHE WILL NEVER BE ABLE to fully understand what it was like growing up in that house. there had been other types of demons in her family, but love and freedom and acceptance were not any of those. she has always felt safe enough to be herself under her own roof, and has been lucky to find the same security in her friends. she can only hope she can bring the same sense of serenity to them — to sage. « no, not at all, » she protests, lifting one hand to put it on his arm, giving a gentle squeeze. he's too hard on himself. tobi may not be able to fully understand, but she knows this: he hadn't had a choice. not really. « we can talk about these things, you know ? i'm your person. » it's the single most important thing she'll ever be. « the things that are important to you are important to me too. »

TWIN PEAKS | 1.06

hunter has long made peace with how his life as turned out , he had too . after everything he couldn't just lay down and die . in the beginning that was a hard thing to swallow but now that pain that once stuck itself beneath his ribs and filled in the gaps felt like a distant ache , almost non - existent especially on days like this . " don't i know it . " he grins , leaning over to place a chaste kiss to his lips . " i would love not to cook tonight . almost as much as i like looking at you surf from here . i get front row seats . "

THEY'VE MADE A LITTLE life out here, even when it's sometimes felt like they'll never get here. enzo wouldn't exchange it for the world. he returns the kiss, anticipating it before it comes, has learned to read hunter like the back of his own hand. « did you see me catch that last wave ? pretty impressive, huh ? » he grins, has no need for validation when he already feels so secure with hunter in all that he does. it still surprises him just how tethered he can feel to another human being. « happy not to cook too, so it's a date. »

he's still only half awake , eyes struggling to adjust to the morning light slipping through the shades as he reaches out for the cup on the nightstand to trade with her . the new cup now sits on his side of the bed , marked by what he thinks to be lip balm , maybe gloss ? he never listened much when his sister and mother talked on about makeup but his mind wonders , unable to get his mind off what she tasted like the night prior . " my bad . " brennan half apologies , sinking back into his bed with an exasperated inhale of morning air and whatever remnants of her perfume had clung to his sheets , to the clothes he let her borrow over night , to him now . dimples blossom as a pleased grin paints across his lips , " how nineties of you . think my dad wanted help with painting his deck later but that's later . i was planning to stay in bed for a long while . you got plans ? "

IT’S SO SIMPLE WITH HIM and it should make her grateful, yet instead all it does is push her to demand more just to see how far she can push it until he no longer wants her. she has no doubt they'll hit a dead end soon enough, and if she were less selfish she would've left a long time ago. some girl will be very lucky to be bowie's one day and instead all dean is doing is putting off the inevitable. right now she can't imagine going home to an empty bed — not when she can be here, moaning his name into his pillow and run her hand through his hair into the early morning hours. « such a good son, » she muses, taking a sip of what's now her coffee. « i have band practice tonight, » but that's tonight and tonight is many hours away. « i'll kill some time before then. if you have any suggestions. »

delaney was trouble . for herself , for the guys she decided to bother in the club , for her own guard that she always slipped with minimal effort . it was fun and living a comfortable life of mafia princess wasn't one that was much to complain about but she wanted more , craved more than restrictive parties and an old expensive private education at a school hundreds of miles away . the blonde leans over the space between them , fingers grazing his as they curl around the neck of the bottle --- letting the moment linger before she makes an effort to steal it . " and why's that ? you'll get a mean talking too ? " sarcasm drips from her words as she pouts , batting her lashes teasingly at him .

IT NEVER SHOULD'VE COME to this for him. he had had opportunities to leave this place behind, to start anew somewhere else, but some habits die hard and she's growing increasingly hard to kick. « i'm not worried about me, » he counters playfully, but from the way he won't meet her gaze directly it's easy to see he's lying. he may be a valued member here, but there will be hell to pay if he deliberately leads them into trouble. and delaney's got trouble written all over her. « probably a reason you've been told to stay away, you ever think about that ? i'm harmless. the other guys eat hearts for breakfast. » as if he'd ever let them close enough to even breathe in her direction.

ILYA ROZANOV IN 1.02 'OLYMPIANS'

"that's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for you ? rome, you need to up your standards a little bit." even aiden doles out romantic gestures grander than a box of poptarts, case in point as he heads through the glass door to their balcony with the liquor for a night under the stars, high school prom style. "can't believe you didn't share." not that he needs it. the current situation with his roommate who's never been anything but platonic with him until this conversation is dizzying enough. as if it'll shift things into focus ( and definitely not make things even less clear, ) aiden takes an uncivilized swig from the bottle of captain before hopping down beside roman. lowers himself to his back and tries to get comfortable. mostly, he just sees clouds out in the sky. hears cars driving on the adjacent street. feels the humidity in the night air cradle his limbs. "alright, your hallucinated stars might have to carry us, cause i can barely see shit out there." he glances over at roman from the corner of his eye. honestly, he'd kind of rather map out the celestial intricacies in his face. "weather on prom night might've been better, but you can't blame this one on me."

HE CAN ONLY SHRUG at his roommate's comment, though roman doesn't disagree completely. he's always settled for the bare minimum — it's what he knows, and if nothing else at least it feels safe. this feels like a free fall, but roman isn't entirely unacquainted with bad choices. it is the first time he may have to live with it afterwards though. « sorry. gotta unlearn the trauma of growing up with five siblings. sharing is hard for me, » he sighs dramatically, gaze fixed on the dark night sky, though he knows he has to meet aiden's eyes eventually. it feels risky in a way that makes his palms sweaty, exciting in a way that makes his breath heavy. they're entering territory there is no coming back from. « i'll let you hallucinate with me, man. that's the ... fuck, what's it called ? » he begins, one hand shooting up to point at nothing, « the belt of some guy. » he lowers his hand, head tilting to the side so his gaze leaves the starless sky to take in his roommate instead. « i don't actually know any constellations. » not that he thinks aiden held any confidence that he did in the first place. « you can scoot closer, you know. if i can't have my gay prom, let me at least have ... » whatever this is. he trails off awkwardly.

hates the way her jaw tenses at the mention of other women and she can only pray it goes unnoticed. that grin of his does something to xena, makes her stomach flip and her heart skip a beat. xena rolls her eyes and huffs, "not funny." little did others know, she's deeply insecure even if she didn't always show it. she hopes she has arlo's attention - - all of his attention - - as childish as that sounds. tongue glides slowly over her lower lip and her eyes twinkle. "hmm, i do love to see a man begging." twirls brunette curl around her finger as a gentle tease rolls off her tongue, "i'm not ready to get rid of you...yet."

THIS IS SAFE, this harmless back and forth they've perfected that won't, and can't, lead to anything. despite everything, arlo is a solo act — team aside, he's still the star player, the golden boy. there's no room for being anything else. not even a man in love. « you want me chasing, is that it ? » he smirks at this, the scolding only charming in his eyes. he ignores the way it makes his heart skip a beat. « i'm in pretty good shape, you know. » his gaze travels down her features, pauses at her lips before finding the brown of her hues again. « i have time. »

Ladies of the Big House (1931) Dir. Marion Gering