SirJekardi

Hey Tumblr. I just wanted to pop in & express myself. I'm proud of my progress!

I've lost 20lbs,

I started eating and cooking better,

Been working out again.. slowly & inconsistently but every week & I feel better.. but

I miss intimacy. Romance, being wanted, reciprocal lust.. I want to absolutely worship, punish & explore someone who wants exactly the same.. chemistry is so hard to come by anymore.

The gratification of giving another human being so much pleasure & comfort that you can literally taste their euphoria.. to be on the same wavelength of desire..

I just want to show affection & make someone feel safe. Make them feel seen. Give another human being an the attention they can handle because I'm so full of love that I need to give it to someone, even casually at this point.

I daydream about being confided in and trusted with fantasies that I want to make come true. I can't stop thinking about how liberating it is to feel someone let go of their whole facade

I don't know if I crave the touch or just being wanted anymore. Someone save me from myself and come cuddle.

Just wallowing through the last 6 months of failures & obstacles I couldn't overcome, nesting into the debris of what once were goals & leaning into a learned hopelessness state of acceptance.

I got shoved back down so many times by shit luck, bad timing only to be presented nothing but less than ideal choices which left me detached from my grounding perspective, my bleak take on existence that keeps me in check.

The universe is chaos. It takes without consideration or remorse just as it provides without plan or promise. We simply are until we aren't. There are no guarantees & it's pure hubris to fight the ever flowing continuum so either take what you need as it's presented or rot in the moment as time reclaims you.

Don't give up, fight complacency. The reality of being is that it's just that. We're all born stagnant with the birthright of chaos.

Magic doesn't just happen, you gotta perform it

Back to reality 🤷