Christmas/Winter Starters:
“Guess who signed us up to go Christmas caroling?”
“Sorry, it’s not me, it’s the eggnog.”
“Don’t get mad, but I think I set the Christmas tree on fire.”
“What must Santa have been smoking to think his reindeer can talk?”
“If me and Santa got into a fight, who do you think would win?”
“I guess someone’s not getting any use out of that slutty Santa outfit they bought.”
“All in saying is no one would catch us if we chopped down a tree.”
“I tried to buy one of those singing Santas but I spilled water on it and now it sounds demonic.”
“You know, you remind me a lot of the Grinch. The only difference is in the end, his heart grows three sizes, but you stay an asshole.”
“Pleaseeee? Nobody else wants to play Santa!!”
“I forgot how much work gingerbread houses were..”
“Don’t tell me this is your first hot chocolate?!”
“I swear if Frosty the Snowman doesn’t melt in the next five minutes, I’m shutting it off.”
“Umm just so you know, I’m kind of stuck in the Christmas lights.”
“Looks like you’re getting coal this year.”
“I just took an online quiz and it said I was on the Naughty List!! If it was you I could see it, but not me!”
“Are you seriously crying over Rudolph..?”
“We’re not watching Hallmark Christmas movies.”
“Cancel all your plans! We’re watching Hallmark Christmas movies!”
“What the hell kind of Charlie Brown Christmas tree did you buy?”
“I lit the fire because I want to make sure Santa knows who’s boss when he comes down that chimney.”
“What did you ask for this Christmas?”
“Will you help me go Christmas shopping?”
“Have you seriously never eaten a candy cane?”
“Is there some kind of old woman shop where they sell those weird Christmas trees made of strawberry candy?”
“Hey, I bought a paint your own ornament kit. Let’s make some!”
“Is this your first time getting/giving a present?”
“I just called to tell you Merry Christmas!”
“Will you drive around with me to look at the Christmas lights?”
“Please stop singing Christmas songs.”
“Why aren’t you singing along to the Christmas carols?”
“If you ring those dumb jingle bells one more time, I will wring your neck.”
“Oh my god is that a mistletoe..?”
“What kind of Christmas would it be if we didn’t play in the snow?”
