my dearest, ...

why must i Write Words? is it not enough to imagine, passionately,

"how did you hear about this job?" it came to me in an extremely vivid and unsettling prophetic dream

"congratulations! you're hired" i know.

concept: me, a housewife, putting two lean cuisines in the microwave. i drink an entire bottle of chardonnay during the four minutes the chicken fettuccine takes to heat up. my husband walks through the door just as i place the entrée on the table. he thanks me for slaving away all day over a hot stove. i have succeed in passing the lean cuisine off as my own creation. when he’s done, i tell him im in love with our maid, helen–who bears a striking resemblance to margot robbie–and that i will see him in court. im blind drunk and jump into a 1960s pink convertible that helen is driving. we laugh about the lean cuisines.

this is the best post on this fucking website

I love Mando's vibe. Imagine some guy rolling up to your shop in a beat up honda civic. He steps out wearing an armani suit. He opens his wallet and offers you two dollars to fix his car.

gay rats (gay rights in southern accent)

hermione: I'M GONNA UNIONISE THE FUCKING HOUSE ELVES

hot girl summer is over it’s scary woman winter

I genuinely thought this was another weird tumblr add

Vaporwave is back baby

your mother is funnier than literally everyone on tumblr