queen of disaster

im a strange lipstick color im the shimmer in cheap shampoo im a shoplifted beauty product im eyeliner on the back of a hand im a blue finger from a cheap ring im glitter you cant get off your skin im beautiful in the most disgusting ways and im never going to die

every girl I’ve ever loved is an instagram model - I deserve whatever is coming to me. my mother tells me when I was a little girl I used to stare into the mirror for hours fascinated by my own reflection / I don’t tell her I would still do that now if I could get away with it. the thing about being alive is every boy I’ve ever loved has loved me back in more grotesque ways. I am pure like an angel and I hang nothing on my bedroom walls except the birthday cards you used to write me. I write poems about fucking and those are the ones that nobody is allowed to read. I want my own body only - only I am beautiful enough for myself. the thing about obsession is everyone is hanging out without me, but only because I said it was okay first.