- ̗̀caught in the middle ̖́-

“it's not an easy thing to do, i guess,” jay rubbed the back of his neck. the conversation was slowly edging into territory he never spoke of - it had taken years of practice to not be able to think about the things he had experienced, so explaining how one could go about such an act wasn't something that he could just pull from the air, but he knew he could at least offer the idea. “as long as you hold onto the fact that you're in this job to protect and help others then all the rubbish that you have to go to kind of seems worth it at the end of the day,” he then added. it's mostly how he reasoned his job, after all. “really? i didn't know that.” then again, did jay really know much about sylvie at this point? “there was a kid in my class growing up that was adopted; quiet guy - hell of a basketball player, though,” he nodded at his own words. “yeah, i know. one of the cops in our district had that kind of life. haven't really spoken to her lately, though,” the male scratched at his jaw. “you mostly just have to believe it's going to work out so that you can move on and do your job -- sucks, but it's mostly the only option we have.” as sylvie began to move with the stretcher, jay walked alongside. “fair enough,” he laughed. “i've been good. been kept busy with work, but that's about it,” he shrugged. “i would consider that to be a good thing... mostly,” he smiled. “what about you? how you been, brett?”

“maybe when this case is finally over we can look into that vacation that we've been talking about for the past three months,” jay scratched at his jaw after agreeing to her statement about those they were after screwing up. all in all, it was an inevitability. besides, they were the best intelligence unit in the city for a reason, and their ego and skill sets weren't going to let this guy go. “is that---?” jay dropped his hand from erin's shoulder and sat forward, eyes squinting as he tried to see the oncoming figure better, but as he got closer the more frustrated jay got. “nevermind, it's not him.” his hand reached up to his hair and he ran his fingers through the strands, sighing softly. it was getting ridiculous now and jay was agitated, but he knew how important this role was within the case and that was the only thing keeping him rooted to the seat. “--- it's the same now, except it's me laying down the law of the land this time,” he joked. though, to be fair, he was the same in that he didn't like other people looking at erin. call it jealousy or maybe he felt threatened by the other attention that she received, but at the end of the day jay liked to believe it was him being protective of someone he loved. “man, justin hated me.”

“ironic, isn't it?” jay couldn't help but ask. “in a job that demands so much caring the less you care the better off you are. it gets easier, though... if that's any consolation. you learn to sort of just flick a switch; turn a part of yourself off to get through the day,” he shrugged. it was something that he had pretty much mastered the art of ever since leaving the army rangers, though his temper often broke through the walls that were supposed to protect him. “kids will always be the toughest call to take,” he agreed. once she had accepted his offer of coffee, the detective's lopsided smile appeared. “vehicular homicide - third one this month. we were hoping this guy would pull through so that we could get a lead on who's doing this, but that didn't happen. we'll get the son of a bitch who did this, though.” one way or another, they always did.

jay just arched a brow. his relationship with erin had nothing to do with anyone else, he barely spoke of it to anyone yet everyone knew what they were and how they felt. jay, in essence, is a very private man so benjamin asking about his girlfriend earned nothing but radio silence in return. though, after a moment or two more of that, jay finally spoke; giving a non-committal answer. “she's at work.” unable to stop himself, the detective just rolled his eyes as fingers fidgeted with the watch on his wrist. a quick glance down told jay that the time was crawling by and that he would probably not be rid of the other any time soon. “no,” he shook his head. “do i have stupid tattooed on my forehead or something? i'm not giving a piss drunk dude a knife.” in fact, the other was lucky that jay hadn't removed the food from his possession already. “use a spoon,” he grabbed one and tossed it onto the table in front of benjamin. “and try not to make a damn mess.”

“no idea how you guys do that,” jay commented idly as he continued to waft his shirt. normally he would feel bad for complaining in front of someone who had it worse, but the heat -- it was beyond irritating at this point. “right...” jay threw a longing glance to the freezer before turning his eyes back on the lieutenant. “the call out you had the other day -- we got several conflicting statements regarding the scene. any details you have about it would be great right about now.”

“not being there to prevent julie’s death. she shouldn’t have died. dawson was with her, but that doesn’t change anything. we’re supposed to have each other’s back, and we didn’t have hers.”

“sometimes? it’s hard not to miss the thing you dedicated your entire life to, but my life is here now - intelligence is my life now. i don’t think the army rangers is for me, anymore. i’ve had enough experience to know what awaits me if i do go back.”

“by you and only you,” jay smirked at the brunette. “true, but we've solved cases that had less to go on. guys like this can't help themselves, especially when they think they're untouchable. we'll most likely catch him when his guard is down and when he thinks that we've lost.” when she leaned over to look at his phone screen, jay couldn't help but rest a hand on her shoulder. he was nothing but professional when it came to distinguishing their work life and personal relationship, but sometimes he slipped up. thankfully, they were hidden by the tinted windows of the car so he was able to get away with more than what he usually did. “i have no idea how you managed living with him.”

“no two days are ever the same.”

“cop. always a cop. will and i used to play cops and robbers all the time as kids and i knew i’d never be able to be a robber so a cop it was. though, that mostly changed to a soldier when i hit six. basically, protect and serve was going to be my life no matter what.”

ever since his undercover stint with gabriela before he had joined intelligence, jay had taken upon himself to look out for those of firehouse 51 -- old and new. so it wasn't hard for him to detect the fact that she was on edge. “i honestly have no idea how you guys do it,” jay commented. his job was tough, but he had always believed theirs was tougher. “try not to think about it? how about i buy you a cup of coffee? the guy i was supposed to be talking to died half an hour ago so i have time before i have to get back to the precinct.”

levi