i think you're my best friend.

There was a time when invasive wasn’t a word that existed between them. They had been seamless, weirdly connected in a way she’d never actively acknowledged until he was gone, and they’d trusted each other implicitly, even if they never did define things between them.

He feels himself retreating and freaking out because while Kelsey had whispered about a kid floating around he didn’t think it’d actually be hers. 

Which makes him wonder about the father, and if the guy’s around and providing her with everything she needed. 

“I shouldn’t have barged in like this,” he says to her. He fishes out a card from his pocket and hands it to her. “I’ll be in town a little while longer. That’s the hotel I’m staying at. Ask the front desk for me.”

And before she can say anything else he ducks his head and turns to leave, because all the feelings he felt years ago towards her came rushing back the moment he spotted her and fuck.

“This is… Alex,” she said slowly, turning him slightly. “Alex, this is mama’s… friend… Jason. Can you say hi?”

Alex tilted his head over, dirty blond locks shaking away from his little face, to look at Jason, confusion written all over his features. “Hi…” he waved, seeming a little shy then, before tucking his face into the crook of her neck.

Lennon smiled a bit and shifted her weight onto her other foot. “When did you…” she began once more, turning to look at Jason. “When did you get back? Or have you been here the whole time?”

“No,” he quickly said, perking up at the sudden bite in her tone. “No, I...got a phone call recently.” He scratched at the back of his head, averting his eyes to the ground. “I was keeping my distance. And then I heard and I took the first flight I could.”

Oh, God. Great.

“No, wait,” she said quickly, her heart racing so quickly in her chest she thought it might fall off. “Please.” She repositioned Alex on her hip, hoping he wouldn’t turn around and leave. For all the emotions she’d felt after his departure, for all the things she was feeling now, ultimately it came down to this moment. To seeing him again and praying he wouldn’t leave again.

“Mama,” Alex looked over at her. “I’m hungry.”

His heartbeat filled his ears and while it threatened to escape his chest. Did that mean that the kid in her hand was? 

No, it couldn’t have. He disappeared. He kept in touch with Kelsey. She would have told him. Right?

Jason, as in her baby’s father, as in her almost something, was standing right in front of her after nearly three whole years. Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach, because of all the times she’d imagined this moment (and she’d imagined it plenty), she never once thought it’d be like this, so out of nowhere. Though she, of all people, should know better than to think she could’ve planned something like this.

He only planned this far with Kelsey’s information. Hell, he actually didn’t plan on ambushing her while she was babysitting. What the fuck was he thinking? Oh wait, he wasn’t. 

“You’re busy,” he said, “Clearly. I had so much shit to say but—crap, sorry. Cursing in front of kids.”

With the way she’d grown up, and the way her life had turned out, Lennon had made a vow that no one besides her would ever be the center of her life. She’d live for herself, and everyone else could wait. It had a lot to do with no one putting her first as a kid, or even as a teenager, and she promised herself it would never happen again. And sure, her heart beat strongly for both of her best friends, and she’d go to the ends of the earth for both of them, but she would always come first, regardless.

And then, she had her son, and everything changed.

Nicholas Alexander Carter-Saks was born to her on a cool summer morning in June, six pounds, four ounces, nineteen inches, and so much love she didn’t know what to do with surrounded by both his uncles. Nic had been with her every step of the way from the beginning, and refused to leave her side, and she’d been so incredibly thankful, she named her son after him, and even though she didn’t give a damn about religion, made him his godfather.

He’d been touched (she still playfully mocked him for crying), and Marc joked that he’d been jealous (but he’d cried too), and Lennon thought she couldn’t be luckier than she’d been in that moment, but all that had been missing was one of the most important pieces of the puzzle. Alex’s (as she’d lovingly called her son) father.

Thanks to that stupid accident, where she’d thought she would’ve lost her best friend, she’d actually lost the guy who at the time she hadn’t realized just how badly she’d fallen for until he was gone. Jason.

Lennon had never underestimated just how much he cared about Ames, she could relate, it’s why they got along, but he’d taken losing Ames without actually losing her so much harder than she could’ve imagined, and she watched him fall apart before her eyes, until one day, he was just gone without a trace.

And then the next day the lines on the stick turned pink.

She’d never seen him again since, but she understood, she knew he needed to get away, that Vancouver held way too many memories of the girl who’d saved him. She just wished she could’ve shared this little piece of magic with him.

“Hi!” Alex grinned, resting both little hands on her face.

Motherhood had been unlike anything she ever experienced. It changed her in ways she never thought she’d change. She was more patient, more resilient, and more of a fighter than before. And now her son came first. Before even herself.

“Hi, buddy,” she greeted, wrapping both arms around him and pulling him into her chest. “I missed you today.” She pressed a kiss to her temple before signing the sign-out sheet at the front desk of the daycare, hooking his diaper bag over her shoulder.

She thanked the secretary before stepping out into the bright sunlit street. “Ready for lunch?”

He nodded eagerly. “I’m hungry.” He was two years old and the smartest little boy she’d ever met.

Lennon chuckled and kissed him again. “Of course you are.” She walked over to her car, nuzzling his cheek, so focused on him she hadn’t realized there was someone walking toward her. “Oh! Sorry, I wasn’t–”

His first low involved the loss of someone he thought he’d never lose, which led to him losing so much more than he thought he would in the long run. How’s that for vague for you?

He still doesn’t talk about it. Jason barely talked about anything; when he opened up about something, it was normally to her.

So for him to have to go without her made him feel like he lost the only family he had. Crap, no, he had family. He did. 

But she was his best friend and his sister and the person he wouldn’t hesitate taking a bullet for and she was just ripped away from him. 

Just like that. Gone. 

He thought he’d be okay. They were all supposed to be there for each other. But it all became too much for him. 

He was spiraling downward and didn’t want to take anyone with him. 

So he disappeared. He had to find himself. Had to form a Jason without Ames. 

Years later, he’s slowly getting there. 

So when he says he’s reached a new low in his life, he has. Why? Because this low included stalking his ex-girlfriend for almost a week, learning her routine from afar. 

(He had to thank the internet and a certain blonde outside of the country for the help.)

Something happened to him after the accident. Something after his downward spiral and the attempts at therapy. Jason became impulsive. Weirdly so. 

So when he spent a week stalking his ex-girlfriend, seeing her walking around with a child, he figured she had dropped all of her plans to become someone’s nanny. And that just left an uneasy feeling inside of him.

(He worried she didn’t reach her dreams because of him. He wouldn’t be able to live with that knowledge, too.)

So, newly weirdly impulsive Jason did what newly weirdly impulsive Jason knew how to do best—nothing that smart. 

Before he could realize it, his feet had him on a path that would surely ensue a one way collision with Lennon and whosever child she had taken to tending to lately. 

When he stopped, just in front of her and locked eyes with her, the thought of Kelsey killing him ran through his mind.

He threw an arm over Lennon's shoulders and pulled her closer. What, you don't watch TV with your more-than-friends friend like that? Either way, it's not like it meant anything more than that. 

He made a promise to himself, when he first started college, that he would do everything he could to better himself. It was a miracle he even managed to get a scholarship in the first place. It didn't come as a surprise to him when he spiraled his freshman year. What did was Ames in the form of his personal guardian angel coming to his rescue. 

They knew each other from around town, both having grown up in a place that wasn't the best thing to look (or live) at. She had been there before for him, telling him that she believed he was capable of so much more...and she was right. 

"Maybe down the line or whatever. They seem like down the line types, right? Or something."

Lennon looked down at the skillet and spatula once he’d shut off the stove before setting it down on the counter beside her and moving on to grab another plate for herself and following him to the table, setting the plate of pancakes between them.

There was something weirdly domestic about the way they were moving about the kitchen. She didn’t read too much into it, but it definitely struck her how comfortable they were around one another and how they could move so seamlessly as if they’d been doing this forever now. Her blush had yet to disappear and her cheeks still felt hot.

The ease of all of this was both starting to freak him out and fill him with comfort. He had that same feeling back when he and Ames started becoming friends, having lived on the same floor his freshman year. She'd often find him hiding out in the back of the lounge, avoiding his roommate for whatever reason. Not that his relationship with Ames was anything like his relationship with Lennon. Just the opposite. 

"Oh they do. The amount of times her mother's asked me if he's proposed yet is ridiculous. I think she forgets we're still in college, sometimes," Jason said. 

He walked over to the fridge, pulled out the milk, then walked over to the cupboard to grab a glass. "I should be thanking you. It's a nice change to waking up from someone baking at odd hours of the night."

Okay, so she was more than well aware it was three in the morning, and that it was more than a little crazy to be making this much food at this hour, but she was hungry and the idea of walking to the diner felt like a nightmare right about now. Plus, she was feeling a wee bit spontaneous. So, pancakes it was. Homemade pancakes. From scratch. Damn good homemade pancakes from scratch. With different toppings and ingredients. For Jason (and herself, obviously, but made with him in mind).

He’d made the start and end of her birthday special (and fun. so. much. fun…), and she felt like she owed him (she never quite got over that feeling of owing people, but she didn’t like to dwell on that either). She may not have had conventional feelings for Jason, but there wasn’t a day that went by that she wasn’t incredibly grateful to have him and his friendship in her life, and at times like this one, she felt the need to show him that. It was stupid, and she kind of felt stupid, but she still went through with it. He’d probably give her shit later, but whatever, she’d live with it.

So here she was, standing in the middle of his kitchen in her underwear and a shirt of his (she’d come unprepared earlier, and she wasn’t about to put her birthday dress back on to get messy). She was surrounded by bowls of pancake batter, each one mixed with something different, like chocolate chips, blueberries, bananas, and raspberries and was flipping one on the stove. All the different toppings varying from chocolate to whipped cream to regular syrup, sat on the other counter waiting to be used, and part of her had a half mind to just screw the pancakes and go wake Jason up with toppings instead, but hungry. She was hungry.

Well, except for Ames. He had a feeling Ames was the exception to everything. 

Some time at night, he had stirred awake to the smell of...breakfast? Jason groaned, looking at the alarm clock he kept on the side of his bed. Nope, it definitely wasn't breakfast. He turned to look next to him only to see no one there. Okay, he could have sworn he went to bed with Lennon a bit ago. 

Furrowing his brows, Jason threw the covers off him and got out of bed. He grabbed his boxers from the floor and walked out of the bedroom, following the scent.