Reflections On My 34th Birthday
God sets my life and orders my steps. I will not rely on my own narrow understanding of how my life should be, rather I will trust in God's plan and be grateful for this life He's given me.
I am not perfect and I am not in control of everything and I never will be, by design as a human being. Expecting to somehow be an exception is naive and plain dumb. No one thinks I am perfect or expects me to be. Stop inflicting pain, pressure, and guilt on yourself by some perceived expectation of perfection from the people around you.
We're all on different journeys set by God. I have no idea how people's lives really are or what they're going through so comparison is futile. Perception is not reality. I will trust the path God has set for me.
Everyone is self conscious about themselves and no one is focused on you like you are. It may be a big deal to you but it's not to other people. What people do and say is about them and their own internal issues; it's not about me. I may have this hero, self-centric narrative about how it's me against the world or it's me seeking to prove myself to the world, to my boss, to my family, to my friends, but in reality they're not focused on me and my self-centered story - they all have their own story and narrative to worry about.
I resolve to embrace my imperfect and ephemeral life and enjoy it now. Don't wait until you're perfect or in control of everything and everyone because you'll be waiting forever. Don't wait until you have the exact life you think you should have and the life you think others expect you to have because you'll be waiting forever. Don't look back at your life in 10 years and wish you were back here enjoying life more - enjoy it now.












