according to james

God sets my life and orders my steps. I will not rely on my own narrow understanding of how my life should be, rather I will trust in God's plan and be grateful for this life He's given me.  

I am not perfect and I am not in control of everything and I never will be, by design as a human being. Expecting to somehow be an exception is naive and plain dumb. No one thinks I am perfect or expects me to be. Stop inflicting pain, pressure, and guilt on yourself by some perceived expectation of perfection from the people around you. 

We're all on different journeys set by God. I have no idea how people's lives really are or what they're going through so comparison is futile. Perception is not reality. I will trust the path God has set for me. 

Everyone is self conscious about themselves and no one is focused on you like you are. It may be a big deal to you but it's not to other people. What people do and say is about them and their own internal issues; it's not about me. I may have this hero, self-centric narrative about how it's me against the world or it's me seeking to prove myself to the world, to my boss, to my family, to my friends, but in reality they're not focused on me and my self-centered story - they all have their own story and narrative to worry about. 

Envy and jealously are unavoidable human emotions. When they strike, don't beat yourself up; instead, choose to acknowledge these emotions as natural and experience without judgment. Then, gently remind yourself that you are uniquely valuable and not meant to be like anyone else. Summon compassion for yourself as well as for those you may be envious or jealous of. Recognize that you don't know the full story behind their lives - that they experience their own envy, jealously, and suffering just like you.

currently on my mind:

-just read an article about republican presidential hopeful mike huckabee which said that he was gaining ground in the ultra-important state of iowa for the primaries.  and frankly, im glad.  although i don't believe in his pro-life and anti-gay marraige stance, i like him because he isn't dogmatic about these beliefs.  he is the first conservative christian to actually seem like a compassionate person, saying that it's only God who can judge people.  he spreads a message of hope and love, which is hard to find from republicans these days.  he is also very layback and cool.  he doesn't seem to take himself so seriously, like guiliani and romney.  he is in a band.  he's a pastor. 

i wouldn't vote for him if he were the republican candidate, but i'd be glad that he was nominated.

-i just watched 28 days later last night, and i am still captivated by it.  such an amazingly eerie storyline of a man waking up out of a coma and finding himself in an abandoned city.  then discovering that he's not alone, and that there are infected people everyone that come after him.  even in scenes that were supposed to be lighter and joyful, like the market scene or the picnic scene, i was terrified, waiting for the next attack.  the music was so perfect, and it made my skin crawl and my heart was throbbing throughout.  the addition of the soldiers to depict the parallel cruel nature of uninfected human beings was a nice touch and twist.  i am entranced by the images of walking alone in an abandoned city, and constantly under the fear of being attacked and eaten. 

-i just read an article about how obama used pot, cocaine, alcohol and goofed off in his childhood with regularity, specifically in an attempt to deal with his issues of identity, growing up as a black man with a white mother in hawaii.  he grew up in college and lost his naivete and became socially conscious and changed his life.  great bill clinton-esque story of using drugs!

Today I woke up with the urge to run.  In the words of Forrest Gump, I just felt like running. 

So I got out of bed, splashed some water on my face, downed a strawberry Slimfast, stretched, and ran out the door.  It was cold outside, and a thick fog had descended upon the city. 

I ran up to Geary and decided to just keep going down it until I got tired.  I wanted to explore the Richmond area, and I found a lot of cute cafes and ethnic restaurants which I put into memory with the intention to visit in the future.

After dredging past my first wall, I was energized and I started feeling the runner's high, that I came to love in my high school cross country and track days. 

As I got down the numbered streets, I found myself in the 30s, and I made up my mind to make it to Ocean Beach.  So I kept running, and suddenly I became enveloped in a deep thick fog, and it was drizzling.  I couldn't see 50 feet ahead of me, and thought I was lost.  But I kept running, and suddenly out of the fog appeared the majestic pacific ocean and it took my breath away.  I was amazed because it came out of nowhere, and I just stopped in my place and realized that it was totally worth the run. 

Right along the ocean, I discovered Louis', a cute mom and pop breakfast cafe, and the Cliffhouse, a huge complex featuring several different restaurants and attractions.  I would love to eat and hang out in that area. 

Then I continued to run and chatted with a rescure worker who was helping with the oil spill cleanup effort on the beach.  He told me that there was a lot of progress being made, and he was optimistic about the outlook. 

I loved running along the beach, enjoying the views and feeling alive.  By this point I was dead tired, but I didn't care. 

After running for about 40 minutes long the beach, I decided to head back home, and I ran into neighboring Golden Gate Park, and continued to enjoy myself.  I ran across the Japanese Tea Garden, the Botanical Garden, the De Young Museum, and the greater park area. 

I was thoroughly loving my run and felt very lucky to be living in such an awesome city that features so many beautiful sites. 

currently:

obsessed with robin thicke song "can you believe"

excited about playing basketball tonight with a lot of different friends

hating T-man's voice on 94.9

getting used to drinking smoothies for breakfast