A Journey onto Myself

    After looking at the bus departing times and schedule I deciding that it wasn't worth the time to go all the way back Kep, it also gave me the idea of going to Laos as I noticed that I could take the bus from Phnom Penh into Vientiane. I decided on that option as Australia could wait a few weeks. I meet back up with Quan's family, and they were surprised to see me back so soon, and asked me what happened. I told them my story of how my trip got lost in translation and that I decided to stay in Phnom Penh for a few days and go to Laos. Sometimes things work as they do for a reason, one just has to have the flexibility to take the appropriate action.       That flexibility came in both my decision to go to Laos as well as visit the barber shop around the corner to get a hair cut and massage. The week prior I had gotten a massage at a place Quan's cousin recommended, he doesn't normally get massages, so needless to say the massage was horrible. As I entered the barber shop, I realized that I needed a hair cut as well, so I asked the staff if I could get a fade. Blank looks all around, I was just about to walk out when I heard a voice that was distinctly American. He said, hey what you need buddy, and I told him I needed a fade. He translated to the barber and I proceeded to talk with him about what he was doing there. Turns out he had been there for the last few weeks and had been hanging out at his sisters barbershop mostly. He asked what I was doing tonight and I responded by saying "probably nothing". He laughed and said, you're coming out with me tonight! Who could have guessed that another American who was in a similar situation as me was just around the corner. Had I not decided to walk around the corner and at just that moment, I would never have meet him.        He said to meet back up at the shop at 8pm for dinner, but I had already promised to meet up my friend for kickboxing. So I said I would meet him up for drinks afterwards. I went to the kickboxing gym, partly out of curiosity, partly because I was in need of a workout. I hadn't worked out in more than a month and I was feeling weak and fat. So I meet up with my friend and we proceeded to get our workout on kicking and punching the bags, doing reps with the trainers and getting an amazing workout. We finally all went into the center of the ring where the owner proceeded to Do a burn out session of pushups, sit-ups, cherry pickers and punch/kick mixers. I amazingly kept up with the pace of the class as held my own and the owner even came up afterwards and said good workout to me. The reason for him getting into the ring that night and leading a session was because he was closing the shop down, because rent was getting to high. Like I had said in a few post before the speed of development in Cambodia was simply amazing. So it was a little bit of a downer to the night, but I couldn't worry about that now, as I had to shower down and get ready for drinks.       I checked my phone and the guy had been calling me since seven. Crap I thought, it was already 9:30, hopefully he didn't think I was flaking on him. I called him back and said I was done, and I could meet him somewhere. He said don't bother, I will come pick you up. So I waited near the kickboxing studio and he arrived a short time later with a small car being drove by some girls. I hoped in an he drove around the block and he stopped in front of two black range-rovers. He said we are changing cars, because his aunt didn't want him driving around in some random girl's car and had sent two armored range rovers to pick us up. His family was apparently well off in Cambodia, but also seems to have made a few enemies, as the cars also had one armed guard in each car. To say the least this was going to be an interesting night, but he and his family were exactly the folks I was looking to meet and make friends with. The people whom could help you get business done in a country like this. So I put my game face on and got ready for the night. We headed first over to some Cambodia local spot where we meet up with some other well to do Khmers and finished off two bottles of Johnny. They soon bored of the place and the girls accompanying us early, so we left and decided to go the heart of darkness. Its a more western type club, not to dissimilar from clubs in LA or Vegas, just a bit smaller and a lot more dangerous. Thus, the bodyguards of my friend and his friend accompanied us into the club. I quickly learned that bodyguards are awesome for some things, horrible for others. They basically made a wall of men around us, which was cool when you wanted to dance. However, it was a hassle trying to approach people or talk with folks with four dudes hanging over your shoulder. Definitely can't be classified as wing men. In either case the guys had fun there and asked me to join them for karaoke, as they didn't want to go home yet. I don't particularly like singing, but when you've polished off three plus bottles of Johnny any idea that involves food sounds great.        We headed over to a karaoke bar and were joined by a few of his friends, the night lasted until morning and we went to breakfast at around 6-7am. I returned to Quan's uncle's shop hung over and tired, my ears still ringing from bad singing and Johnny walker. The scene would repeat itself later that night before I headed off to Laos. Later that day I went to the market to buy my ticket to Laos, and called up Shirley to see if she wanted to hang out that night. She said she would be up for it, but was having dinner with some of here friends. I was planning to have one last dinner with Quan's family but they had dinner early, so said I wouldn't mind having two dinners if she didn't mind. I had another amazing dinner with their family and they stuffed me full of lobster, BBQ and other Cambodian food. I felt bad because I didn't eat as much as I normally do, because I was saving room for dinner with Shirley's friends. As time came for my second dinner came along, I got a call from Shirley saying that dinner had been cancelled because her friend had something come up. She instead ask to meet up for cocktails at Paris Bar and then go to St. Topaz for drinks. I know French theme in Cambodia is pretty strong. We meet up for drinks and hung out at this really chill spot, the drinks were alright, but the atmosphere and character of the place reminded me of San Francisco. Suddenly I got a ring from Will, saying let's go out, we are going to St. Topaz, which happened to be a few blocks from Shirley's house. Go figure, she rents a place in the most interesting part of town, lives a life that only others can dream about, and parties like one of the guys, no wonder why we are friends. Anyhow, we meet up with them and they were again partying like it was no tomorrow. Shirley whispered to me she sees his type all the time, those that are from rich families and just pretty much party all night. She wondered whom the girls with him were and I thought they were upper tier girls as well, but she corrected me by saying upper tier girls don't come out like that, they are gold diggers. I laughed, but somehow knew she was right. Shirley hung out a little while longer before I walked her home and we hung out talking for awhile about the possibility of moving to Cambodia and her decision to stay in the country. I really reflected on her sayings and wondered what Laos and the remainder of this trip had in store. I wondered if I too would be drawn away from my known world to a world where the impossible were possible. 

   Koh Kong is a city north of Phnom Penh, that lies next to the gulf of Thailand. This undeveloped city is used as a visa run for many of the foreigners living in Bangkok, as well as a gambling hub for Vietnamese and Thai's. Other than that there isn't much in this town other than a under appreciated coastline, Mangrove forest that stretch for miles and roughed forest and river terrain. It's simply a natural wonder. As I transversed this terrain with my tour group, I became keenly aware of just how still and quite things were in this part of the country. I swam in a water fall, hiked around the Mangrove forest and travelled down the river on a slow boat in utter peace. Far away from the city and it's demands, distractions and vices, I spent my time reading and literally sitting by the docks watching people. I returned from the tour fully satisfied with the day and complementing what to do after as it was New Years Eve.      As the sunset on the this day and the New Years approached, I became suddenly aware of just how alone I was. Far away in a distance country, away from my worldly comforts, my family, my friends and my girlfriend I thought I would be in a state of distress. However, I found myself overwhelmed by a sense of peace and tranquility. It is often when one has nothing that one realizes he has everything. Those worlds rang clearly through to me as I sat alone with only my thoughts as company.      Overwhelmed by this realization I found a restaurant that overlooked the ocean and reflected on this past year and my journey thus far. This radical change and been a longtime in the making, and started in all honestly last year when I finally took over and completed the redevelopment of a property my family owned. Though this might seem like a strange trigger, it had been a sticking point between myself and my father for many years. My father had refused to let me manage and renovate it five years ago, and I perceived this as a lack of trust in my abilities as well as belief in me. It had also coincided with the passing of my grandmother, the stresses of graduating from college, the decision of going to grad school or finding a job and my heartbreaking breakup with Flora, my first love. These stressors combined to form a toxic emotional mix that manifested itself physically into this incomplete apartment project. It was during these years that my confidence in myself and my abilities were completed shattered. I felt like a shadow of the man I used to be, an empty shell, moving from one task to the next, but not fully embracing life or pursuing things to my full ability. The completion of this project helped me to resolve some weird mental impasse that had been built around not being able to complete this project. It allowed me finally to vanquish some of those past demons and start living in the present.      The renovation itself took only six months, and I had it fully rented out within two more months. I worked with both contractors, parents and girlfriend on this project, helping to bring us all closer together. My confidence jumped dramatically as I had taken a multi-phase project that had been the source of many of my internal fears and completed it successfully from start to finish. For the first time in a long time I felt truly confident in myself and my abilities. Many of my friend and colleagues will be surprised by this revelation, as they have perceived me to be a relatively confident individual. The greatest tragedy was that I couldn't see that confidence in myself until recently.  I would often ask myself, what the heck were they seeing that I wasn't? Who the heck were they talking about, it couldn't possibly be me?  But I guess that is just the nature of the world, in which we see greatness in all others except ourselves. The fact of the manner is that we are all a little self conscious in ourselves, we all have our own struggles, fears and perceptions that we place upon ourselves and ultimately place others. It is only when we realize that everyone has these same doubts and fears that we are truly able to overcome the doubts we have in ourselves. Doubt or judge yourself and you will doubt others and see judges everywhere.        By confronting this one demon, and regaining a notion of my previous confidence, I was finally able to see the confidence that others had bestowed upon me. I could finally look at myself in the mirror and see all the great beliefs and praise people had placed upon me. It lifted a great weight from my shoulders that had stood as constant reminder of my past failures. It also started a virtuous cycle that helped me to rebuild my relationship with my father as we worked together to complete it.        All of these positive events were because I finally had the confidence again to just do things and ask permission later. I wasn't initially able to convince my father to renovate and manage this projected, I just took the bold step of paying for it first and asking for permission later. I found it is better to have to apologize for action rather than explain or wait for a permission that might never come. These events triggered something deeply emotional in me and I found myself wondering what else was possible. What else might I  have been waiting permission for, what else had I missed out on? Though I might never know what I missed, I was determined not to repeat these mistakes in the present or future.  If anything I would be apologizing more from now on for my actions rather than in-actions. A waiter suddenly arose me from thoughts, and asked me what I would like to order. I asked for a Cambodian Beer, (Yes, that's the name of the beer). As I looked out onto the ocean as the sunset upon this day, this month, this year and I felt a wonderful sense of passion flood through my soul. It was an excitement and belief in myself that I had not felt in years. I sipped my beer as the last rays of sunlight fled into the night sky, carrying with them all of my accomplished in 2011 and wishes for 2012. It had truly been a great year, full of accomplishments, changes and realizations, but the promise of a new year was what was bringing me excitement now. May I honor myself and those that believe in me by living up to them in the New Year. I took a final sip of my beer as the last light crested into the horizon, I was finally at peace with myself. Sihanouville: A beach paradise in the making.     The trip to Sihanouville was an interesting adventure, I booked this trip without a tour group, without knowing exactly what I would find or to do. This would have scared me before, but I was following the principals that I had learned along this trip, and was in the process implementing. As I jumped on the six hour bus ride south to the port city, I wondered what this trip would be like. I had heard that Sihanouville was a lot like Phuket was 20 years ago, so I was excited to see this area before it became overrun by tourist. There were also many other activities just south of the city to see and try, so I knew I would have a full time before I headed back to Thailand.      The bus ride was at 6am in the morning and I took my seat only to be joined shortly by an older white man. He said hello to me in Cambodian and asked if I spoke English, to which I responded in english, "I am not Cambodian." Right off I had a creepy feeling about this guy, as he pointed out the "nice ones" that boarded the bus and starred uncomfortably long at this young girl sitting across from us. But I figured it would be a long bus ride why not have a conversation, I wasn't here to place judgement. After some initial small talk, I discovered he had a family in the UK and worked in construction. He was actually on his visa run, and was waiting to go back to see his "girlfriends" in Bangkok. He continued to talk and eventually went into a rant about how Eastern Europeans and Africans were under cutting wages in the UK, and how he saved up whatever he had so he could come to Thailand 5 months out of the year. By then I had pretty much placed him in the sex tourist category, with him being one of the hundreds of thousands that travel to under developed countries to take advantage of the poverty in these countries. To live like kings there, because they can't afford to do it in their own country. What was particular annoying about this type of guy is that he wasn't there for just a quick bang, from one of Thailand's sex workers, but had made promises to the girls he was dating knowing full well that he was just on holiday. It's one thing to make an exchanges with two individuals knowing full well each others intent and purpose. But he created an unrealizable fantasy for these girls, promising them marriage, citizenship, the world knowing full well he won't deliver.  He destroyed their dreams and to me that is down right despicable. Needless to say our conversation pretty much stopped there, but I was left with a dirty feeling, an anger about the situation that I knew I had to be addressed. I let him know just what I thought about his "holiday" and that he shouldn't be starring at the young girl next to us. To which he responded go fuck off, I guess the world shows you both the good and bad. Needless to say the remainder of the trip was less than comfortable. But one of my mentors at the YMCA put it best, "It's one thing to feel helpless about injustices in the world, but to know what is right and not do it is the worst type of cowardice. Even though my ride was a little less than pleasant now, I felt better about myself and the safety of the girls around me by speaking up to this guy.       I arrived in Sihanouville and was pleased to see that the description of the town was pretty accurate. It was a mix of small boutique hotels and guest houses that lined the beach. An occasional luxury hotel marred the skyline awaiting the influx of mass tourism, but other than that it was paradise. The town itself also had a lot going for it and might be poised to become the secondary travel location for Cambodia after Siem Riep. They sit on a beautiful coast line with white sand beaches and island chains, a natural deep water port for international trade and travel and an abundant amount of outdoor activities. Top that off with 50 cent beers and 3 dollar BBQ dinners, it's a beach paradise in the making. Needless to say I was happy to have arrived and immediately sought out some friends and activities to indulge myself in.       I went to a tour agency to book a fishing trip, and when the guy spoke I immediately knew he was American. I asked where he was from and he said Minnesota, of course I asked if he knew Nii, but he said no. Oh well, the mayor can't know everyone in town. The guy had a really interesting story, he was one of the boat people that were given asylum after the war, but had committed a crime before he earned his citizenship, so he was sent back to his "home country", Cambodia. It is a really a said situation as a lot of these folks were basically born in America and didn't really know Cambodia at all, but were thus sent back to a "foreign" country. He was making due at a bar and helping with this travel agency, but it was sad to see that this was such a problem. We had some beers and talked some more about the area and how much Cambodia was changing. I found it quite refreshing to just kick back and talk with some locals and get their perspective. I bought couple of rounds and he later hooked me up on my boat tour for the next day as well. Score, guess my 3 dollars in beers investments paid off.     I got up early the next morning to head to the tour boat/island tour/fishing boat. It was a quick day trip and I really wanted to see if the islands around Sihanouville were as nice as Phi Phi. The group was composed of an interesting mix of characters as always, there were a few locals coupled with some UK girls, (I will elaborate a more on this later), an older man with a Cambodian girl, a family of Russians and the random Chinese American guy, me. We took off to the first island for snorkeling, and when I dived into the water the first thing I noticed was the lack of fish, as the area wasn't protected from fishing as in Thailand. However the coral structures were simply amazing, and were some of the most beautiful I have seen in the world. If there were fish, this would truly be an amazing snorkeling area. We next stopped at an island for lunch, it boasted soft sand and a pleasing view of nearby islands. It had one small restaurant on it and a few locals living in the interior, but other than that it was empty. I imagined all the possibilities for setting up a nice little boutique hotel, but the grilled pork, chicken and fish captured my attention as the guides prepped our lunch.       I sat in the sand watching enjoying the view of the island and the Russians playing in the water, they had a beautiful Russian women with them that skipped around taking pictures of herself. Needless to say it added greatly to the beauty of the island. Also the UK girls and the locals played near by, as the girls flirted with the locals. The two girls probably in there early to mid 30's, a little on the heavier side and were hanging out with two local guys in their early twenties. It was the reverse sex tourism, that I had heard about. Where girls come to hang out with the local guys and buy them gift, food and drinks in exchange for attention and sex. I didn't know what quite to think of it, as in some ways it was wrong, but in other ways it was guys being guys I suppose. I sat there a little taken back about the issue, but figured I didn't want to waste my time dwelling on a subject that I wasn't too familiar with. Instead I focused on the beauty of the island and the amazing lunch that was being prepared. I can still taste the fresh pork and fish on my finger tips and the warm island sands between my toes, what a great way to spend the afternoon.     We returned to Sihanouville after visiting another snorkeling area and doing a little fishing, the night was quickly approaching and I wanted to get some sleep as I was heading into Kep tomorrow. I went to the hotel and showered down, before heading to the beach for dinner. I walked along the boardwalk and was amazed by the assortment of meats, fish and seafood they had. All the BBQ were less than 5 dollars for your choice of meats. I sat down and had a mixed plate of meats and shellfish and two beers for under 5 bucks. Satisfied I walked along the shoreline and looked at other people enjoying fish and crab BBQ, of course the fatty in me got the best of me and I ordered a whole fish with another beer and sat down to watch a fire show. They had a similar show as in Phi Phi, but had a much more relaxed and laid back feeling to it. I could see this becoming the next Phuket in Cambodia in five years. Hopefully I am not too late to invest in the area, as I know it will explode soon.      The next morning I headed into town and got a ride to the bus station, I told the guy that I wanted to go to Kep and that after which I needed to go back to Phnom Penh. He gave me my ticket and pointed me to my bus. I hopped on and went to sleep, thinking about climbing the mountains and seeing the abandoned buildings in Kep. The next thing I knew I was awaken by a familiar honking and smell that could only be Phnom Penh. Shit, the guy had put me on the Phnom Penh bus first instead of the Kep bus. I had travelled to the edge of town and we were at the rest stop before we went into Phnom Penh. Guess I can't put things onto autopilot just yet. 

The kingdom of Cambodia is a world defined by its stark differences, from the rich to poor, traditional to modern, humble to arrogant; it's a country in a state of flux. To my surprise Cambodians are some of the most carefree people in the world, quick to laugh and generous to a fault. It was simply amazing to see the Khmer people's ability to persevere against the backdrop of a war that devastated their country and where a quarter of their population died. Their struggles to redefine and recover their confidence and abilities within a shattered nation in many ways defined the struggles that I was encountering as an individual. It's funny where we get our inspiration from, yet the struggles that Cambodia faced resonated with my own internal struggles. Their ability not to dwell in the past but live in the moments in spite of this devastating war and betrayal by their leaders  is a skill that has allowed their country to expand and grow.         Living in the moment and forgetting the past problems is a skill that has served Cambodians well. I realized that unlike the Cambodians, I  always been one to dwell on my past failures, unable to let them go. I would dwell upon them and these things would haunt me constantly. But as one of my Cambodian friends said, "Why worry about a past that you can't change, live in the moment so that you can affect the future." I took this simple saying to heart during my trip to Cambodia and combined with all of my other learnings it helped to release a great weight that I had been carrying around for years.       Though the scars of the past still and will always remain, it is up to the person not to dwell on these pains, but only what they can affect in the present.  What I was coming to realize for the first time was that dwelling upon problems only makes the matter worse. I was dwelling upon problems by constantly bringing them to the surface on a regular basis and then failing to address them properly, allowing them to become my demons. They became larger and larger demons with time, eventually becoming reoccurring nightmares. However, unlike the I advice I gave my friends to confront your demons and fears, I chose to avoid them. This was a horrible mistake that I intent to rectify so as not to a hypocrite, and actually face the fears of my past. I will confront the fears and problems of my past that have weighed down my present, and become a better person through it. My god bless the road that lead me back to you.  Finally alone on my journey, well sort of...      We dropped off Quan at the airport and we said our goodbye as the rest of her family looked on. I had a wavering moment as I thought about following her onto the plane and ending my trip, but this was my moment and time to finally be alone and experience the world. How could I even think about passing that experience up? This truly marked the start of this journey into the world and discovery of myself.       I have always been around people I knew and was familiar with. I didn't go far away for school and have always basically lived in the San Francisco. This allowed me to stay in my comfort zone with friends and family and basically do the same things I have done all my life. I was not forced to reach out to new people or try new things, and thus in many ways have lead a sheltered life. This trip and living outside of the USA would help me in discovering just what type of person I am, by forcing me out of my comfort zone and confronting all my insecurities, fears and conceptions about myself.      The first few days of "being alone" weren't very different from the days with Quan, as their family kept me busy and followed me around wherever I went. I think they were afraid of letting me out on my own in Phnom Penh, as it's a crowded, dirty city where cars rush around endlessly and people flow through in endless crowds. However as the days passed and the world literally passed me by from my store front view where I spent the majority of my time, I yearned to be free and walk around.  So, I scheduled a trip to Koh Kong for new years, and began to walk around the city by myself. To my surprise and theirs, Phnom Penh is actually a very walkable city that is divided into parallel sections and main streets. One can easily navigate through the chaos by following these main streets and retracing them if one gets lost. In such manner I explored the main sites, traced my way to and from the Palace to the waterfront and back, experiencing all that PP had to offer in the process. I did get a few shades darker, but was rewarded with a rise in my ability to explore unknown areas by myself.       I had successful stepped out into the world by myself, faced the unknowns of a foreign country, city and people on my own. This  Increased the confidence in my abilities greatly and made me think about what else was possible, what else there was to see and explore. The only thing holding me back now was myself, and even it was beaconing me forward. Watch out world here I come. 

As I sought out to make a positive difference in this world, many ideas ran through my mind. My mind still working in it's organized chaos mode dreamt up ideas small and large. Some would determine where and with whom I would interact, others seemed far fetched and still others seemed likely to become business ventures. I started with wanting to pair unemployed construction workers with Japanese towns hit by the tsunami, but after research and road blocks by the Japanese government realized that might be stretching to far. I looked into acquiring water purification units for the flooding in Thailand, and after researching water needs in south east Asia, I realized the importance for access to fresh water. The lack of fresh water causes, much of the childhood deaths, sickness in the elderly and poor diets.This knowledge ultimately lead me into helping to drill water wells in Cambodia.     This project would offer me insight into working in a different country and organizing something that I had previously no knowledge or experience in. But when one's heart is in the right place the possibilities are absolutely endless. I started immediately to map out the processes and resources needed to get this water well project started. The first was to figure out what, where and whom I needed to work with in order to effectively implement this project in Cambodia. After discussing with Quan on the matter and reaching out o some resources in Cambodiaand the USA, we decided to do a combination of food and clothing as well as drilling fresh water wells by local companies. This combination would provide people with both immediate and longer benefits and make the most out of whatever we raised.        With excitement, I sent out a Facebook request looking for funds, thinking that we could easily raise a few thousand dollars for such a good cause. To my surprise and disappointment there were very few people that responded even after direct emails and calls. It seemed that a lot of people's giving is self motivated and that without direct praise, pressure or perceived benefit many people ultimately ignored my appeals. I went on to discovered, that there are many amongst us that talk a good game, put up a perceived aura of generosity, but when time came to support ones stated beliefs many weren't able to deliver.      To say the least I was a bit disappointed. However, I couldn't fault people for not giving to something that they couldn't understand or haven't experienced. What I discovered was that people whom had the least to give gave the most, while those that could most afford to give were the least likely to give.  It felt counter intuitive, but somehow it's the interaction amongst others that makes people truly aware of another's struggles, difficulties and trials. Without which, it's much easier to become indifferent even cold to the people that you have no direct experience with.  It made me see that a differences in perspective, proximity and  experiences are sometimes the most deadly form of apathy as it causes us to disconnect to those that we have no knowledge of. But that is the world we live in only if we choose to, I for one refuse to believe that the world is that cold. In either case the world can be changed by one act at a time, and to those that dispute this belief, know that a waterfall starts with a single drop drop of water and look what becomes of that.  Water, food and salvation     As we landed in Cambodia, we sought out the resources necessary to make the most of our limited funds raised. We had raised slightly less than 1 thousand dollars and we would have to spend it wisely in order to be effective. We went to the market where we purchased 100 traditional saragos for the women and 50 shirts for the men. We also went and bought canned fish and dried noodles to pair with the clothing. We were able to make over 100 care packages, that we handed out in a village community south of the southern Cambodian city of Takeo. This brought relief to people during the "green season" the period in the farming phase were substances farmers are at the most vulnerable, because crops have yet to mature and their past surplus have usually been exhausted at this point. As we road through the villages on motor bikes, we saw a number of households where elderly had no food and limited clothing and shelter. It simply broke my heart that we couldn't do more, but we made due with the supplies that we purchased. I can honestly say that the supplies that we provided probably made the difference between either life or death from some folks. It was a truly rewarding experience and I can't thank those that donated and helped with this process enough.        The water well phase of this project started off with a hiccup, as we didn't raise nearly enough to fund the project. I was quoted in the states at a cost of 5k for a individual fresh water well. I found out later that the majority of their cost goes towards sending over their own personal and hiring outside help to drill the wells. Since I was already in country, knew some of the locals and would contract locally, I still had hope that this project could be completed. Once in country I discovered that the prices to drill a well were a fraction of the State side quotes. We would be able to drill two cement based wells with motorized pumps and a life span of 20 years for 500 dollars. These wells would be used to provide up to 20 people with a steady supply of fresh water. It would help improve their health, productivity as well as their community. It's amazing how much people in the developed world take for granted fresh water, but for these villagers it was like they had won the lottery. I only wish I can one day experience that level of happiness, but until I win the lottery their thanks and smiles will be enough. I honestly am still amazed that I was able to pull of this project, but like I said earlier when your intentions a pure and positive, the world will conspire to help you along the way. It truly was a rewarding experience and I hope that this is the start of the first drop that builds to creates something truly amazing and beautiful.  My god bless the road that leads me back to you.

The body and mind does not often find itself in a state of total relaxation and it struggles to cope with this lack of stimulus and activity. I experienced this as I sat in the summer heat on Phi Phi island, unable to turn my mind off. I felt a constant need to be doing something or thinking about something, instead of simply basing in the beauty around me. As I observed the people of the island, they had turned the art of relaxation into both a lifestyle and a business. They moved slower, talked slower and generally were less stressed about things that were out of their perceived control. It sounds like an amazingly simple thing to accomplish, and yet in its simplicity lies its difficulty.      Whether its media's constant stimulus or demands from our jobs, they all causes us to forgot the importance of simply slowing down. These demands as pressing as they might seem, simply act to drown out life's more subtle cues. Ultimately it's this perceived need for constant stimulatation that causes us to actually experience less, instead of more.  It's like trying to listen to two Mozart pieces at the same time, the beauty of each individual song becomes a clutter of the noise. By simply slowing down a little, one can start to appreciate a world of new sensations that were previously gloss over. It's absolute amazing how much more we can learn when we take the time to observe the world. When you slow down you began to see the world in a different light, hear and see things that you might have missed while in life's rush. You are able to hear the frustration in people's voices, the concerns that people care with them everyday, their emotions, their language and tone, even their movements all tell an amazing story of who they are and where they have been.  It's a story that's all there, ready to be told, if we only take the time to listen, observe and experience.       I myself used to rush through life, preoccupied by its everyday demands and oblivious to what the world was trying to telling me. People often said I wasn't listening to them, and to be honest I was horrible at it. In my rush, I had glossed over the sublte cues the world was showing me and failed to simply slow it down a little. As I sat on the beach, I realized that rushing through life caused me to miss out on so many things along the way. by slowingbdown I could have more, while doing less. Same same, but different as they say in Thailand.

The warmth of the hot sun and the cloudless sky was a welcome relief from the cold and rain in our Vietnam experience. The "vacation" part of our trip had now started as our next week would be spent unwinding on the islands of Ko Phi Phi and Ko Lanta. These were island paradises, with pristine blue waters, clean air and a laid back life style that's only found on an island. I was looking forward to resting my mind and body after the grueling experience in Vietnam.      Our "luck" from Vietnam followed us, as it was raining in Thailand causing us to get in late and miss the last ferry to Ko phi phi island. A speed boat would cost us an extra 300 dollars, so we exercised our freedom of choice and elected to stay in Phuket town. We later learned that we would be able to cancel our stay on phi phi that night without charge. Score! Our decision not only saved us money, but also allowed us time to explore Phuket Town and eat the local cuisine. We had two dinners one at a cafe near the main square the other at a local diner where locals helped us order. At diner, the locals order us one of the spicies curries I have ever had after we said we could handle spicy. "He's Korean, he loves spicy food."  After we took the first bite of curry, we knew we had a made a mistake. The spices lit up the eyes and beads of sweat began to form as we tried in vain to temper the spice with water. The owners and guest alike watched with amusement as we begrudgingly and stubbornly finished the plate. Lesson of the day, spicy in, spicy out: something one should always bear that in mind while eating spicy Thai food.       The next morning after a long stint in the bathroom, we got on the first ferry ride to Phi Phi island. The boat was packed with tourist from Europe and loud young people that reminded me of spring break Cancun.  One thing that was surprising, was the lack of American tourists and a very large representation of Chinese and Singaporean tourists. It was yet another confirmation of the wealth shift happening in the world. We dropped our bags off below and made our way to the front end of the boat where people were already drinking and sunbathing. I made a comment to Rich that they were going to get soaked by the waves once the boat gets moving. I did not bother warning them, as it would have been a futile effort to move drunken spring breakers and the anticipation of getting to the island had captivated my focus and energy anyhow. I wondered what the island would hold in store for me this time.  The waits finally over.      We finally approached the island after what seemed like hours, as a sweet sea breeze swept passed us and the warmth of the sun penetrated our skins.  Crystal blue lagoons and island mountains arose to greet us as we stepped off the boat. As our feet touched the warm white sands beaches of Phi Phi island, we were anxious to take part in experiencing all the island had to offer. We immediately dropped our bags off at our hotel, stopping to take in it's beauty. Our hotel was located on a thin strip of sand that gave it views of both sides of the beach. It's pool side opened up into the waves of the ocean and from there it felt as if we were truly in paradise. However, we could enjoy our hotel later, our first priority was to get on a boat and hit the beaches.      We booked a private long boat and headed out to visit, the Beach, Monkey island and go cliff diving. All of these sites were absolutely stunning as we tried to grasp it's beauty and take i  the sights around us. We jumped into the water and played like little kids, splashing around and exploring the water with our snorkeling gear. Rich even tried to play with some of the fish, as we fed them bread and they swarmed around us by the hundreds. It was truly another amazing experience that's hard to replicate or even describe. Our next stop was Monkey island, but it was too late in the day, to see any monkeys, only monkeys to be seen were the monkeys on this long boat today. Oh well on to cliff diving.      The cliff had three spots to jump 10, 15 and 25+ meters. The boat dropped us off near the island and we swam to shore. From there we had to climb the rocky cliffs to get to the dive spots. As we climbed the sheer rocks I stopped at the first jump spot only to hear the guide yell and point higher. Guess I wasn't in the right spot, so higher we went. As I got to the next area I peaked over the ledge and was surprised about just how high we we up. I took a breath and waited for Rich to catch up with me, this was already the highest jump I had ever made. But it was not to be as the guide yelled and beaconed us further up. We climbed higher and around this old tree that over looked the ledge, the boat looked like a distance speck as I weighed what I was about to do. Never ever look over the ledge or hesitant, else your own fears and doubts will overcome you. Just as in Vietnam if you hesitate, you die. There was no turning back as a climb back down the sheer cliff would be more difficult and risky. I held my breath, said a quick pray and leaped like crazy to avoid the cliff. It went dark, as a rush of water swept over and around me, one of my strapped on sandals flew loose and I yelled in pain under water as  I grasped for my sandal. I made my way back to the surface and sat in the water stunned for a moment. Alyson and Rich looked on with concern, as I finally swam back to the boat after my breath returned. They both said that looked like it hurt as I had landed backwards to my left side.  My body was bright red from the impact and I would have major bruises in the coming days because of this. I either case I was glad I did it, as it was a calculated risk that was worth the pain. In either case it would help me learn a valuable lesson, that I was too in a rush to notice.

A winter breeze seeped through the Vietnamese mountains as we arrived into Hanoi and prepared for our trip to Halong Bay. The memories of my past trip and the friends I had made on the previous junk boat cruise made my heart beat faster with excitement. We jumped into a taxi headed into the bustling city of Hanoi and at first glance it hadn't changed much. As the horns, traffic and general chaos of the city assaulted the senses and exhaustion of our intentional flight set in. But as looked deeper and took the time to take the country in, 5 years had changed the city and myself along with it. I was stepping into a country with a new sense of purpose and the city itself seemed to come alive with activity and amazement as I viewed things in a different light. I promised myself then to take things lighter and to focus on the little things that could give me pleasure and happiness and to not get frustrated with chaos and uncertainly. Vietnam would prove to be great environment for learning about both.       Our taxi dropped us off near or hotel and we found ourselves deep in the center of Hanoi in old town, two blocks from Hoan Kiem Lake. We were exhausted, hungry and longing for a shower after our 24+ hour international flight. Immediately we checked into our hotel and proceeded to showered down and clean up in preparation for a very long day.  I had slept a total of 6 hours in the past 72 as I didn't get much sleep the night before and I don't sleep well on planes. We gathered ourselves up and hit the town with three goals; food, book trip to Sapa and stay awake until 10pm to help adjust to the time difference. It was only 9am, we had a long day ahead of us.        Food was top of mind as airplane food was well airplane food. We stop at a local spot where a lot of Vietnamese were eating, always a good sign that it's good. However, my lack of sleep and general hunger cause me to commit the first mistake of the trip. I ordered before asking the price, a cardinal mistake in Vietnam. For my mistake I was ultimately charge 2-3 times the normal prices or "foreigner tax" as I like to say, but it was worth it as my travel buddy Alyson got her first taste of local cuisine. To my surprise and to her credit she held up rather well and tried everything I had ordered, even a semi-questionanble mystery meat patty. We then stopped in on a local tour booking shop and sought to find out prices for a Sapa trek. I had searched online and was coming up with prices points of $250-$400. From my experience the best deals could be found while in country. We ended up getting our tour for Sapa at $110, here's to living a bit off script and booking in country.       So it was 1pm and we still had 9 hours to kill, what other to do than what everyone else does for fun and excitement in Hanoi: try to cross the street and go to the water show. We definitely were in for an experience as crossing the streets of Hanoi is very similar to a real life game of Frogger, just with more traffic and chaos. A seemingly endless stream of motor bikes and cars zoomed by, and without the aid of traffic lights, let alone cross walks we stood dumbfounded on how to get across. Cars and motors bike didn't stop for traffic or pay any attention to right of ways. It is simply organized chaos at it's best. We watched in disbelief as two young children simply strolled directly into the middle of traffic, and miraculously got the the other side. What we found is that you simply have to walk, without fear or hesitation as the world around you will adjust and anticipate to your movements.       In a chaotic world as in life, you mustn't hesitate when you decide to move forward, or you'll end up being run over or mired helplessly on the sidewalk. The chaos of Vietnam was teaching me a lesson to commitment to action, without which I would still be mired in my own fears, paralyzed and unable to take action when the opportunity to move forward arose. Who could have known that crossing the streets of Vietnam could provide such a value life lesson, instilling me with a bias towards action.       We eventually reached the ticketing booth for the Water Show and got tickets for the 8:30 showing. I had fell asleep the first time I watch this show five years ago and I was curious to see what the show was all about. We spent the remainder of the day crossing the streets, shopping and watching from the riverside bar the organized chaos in action. As 8:30 rolled along we lined up for the show and the lack of sleep was definitely taking it's tow. We sat down in the third row, in the warm theater and prepared for the show. It began with a blast of drums and singing, and as I awoke they were bring out the final dragon and actors taking their bows. Damnit I had fallen asleep for a second time at this Water Show. Guess the world was telling me to get some sleep.  Junk boat time... The junk boat cruise was a mismatch of international characters, a military couple from Australia, a retired couple from the UK, a couple that had recently sold their export business and were becoming naturalist. As we sat as strangers across from one another on the ride to the junk boat, I knew that by the end of the trip I would have new friends and stories to tell. The world provides interesting lessons and people if you take the time to listen and hear their stories. It was no different on this cruise as we found people from all over the world with common perspectives come together in a strange land in one of the most beautiful places in the world. We talked about worldly travels and the politics/policies of America, about life and what ultimately is important and about perspective.     It was this conversation one night as we all sat around drinking beers and and getting to know each other, that really stuck with me.  We had kayaked in the rain earlier in the day and it would be rainy for the remainder of the Vietnam trip. Kevin, a retired cop from the UK put it best, "We could have all complain about the rain and not jumped in ocean for a swim, and had ourselves a miserable time. Or as we did appreciate every living moment and soak up the beauty and life around us. It's that difference in perspective, which allows you to find joy in any situation and relish in it."      In the states I did not appreciate what I had and preoccupied myself with what I did not have. This perspective made me miserable and it reflected in the my work, relationships and the way I dealt with people. These feelings often stem from a lifetime of let downs and betrayals that jade people's perspective and make them bitter to the world. The world in return is bitter to them, and the cycle re-enforces itself. All to often we are controlled by our perspectives instead of us actively controlling our perspective. It blocks us from seeing and taking pleasure in small positives all around us. By allowing my perspective to be biased towards the positive, despite the worlds inherent negatives I found that it significantly change my mood and feelings about the day. I was able to take my success however small and build on them, to find small pleasures even if things were going poorly presently and to smile about them. This perspective change would be one of the first steps towards building a stronger future, an appreciation of life and becoming the man I used to be. Lap of luxury to poverty.      Sapa is one of the most beautiful and difficult place to survive in the world. It's people literally craved the mountain sides into rice terraces over the centuries and harnessed the power of water and animals to survive. These people have struggled with the elements, war and poverty over the years, only to overcome each of these challenges. In the process they created an environment as picturesque and tranquil as the very mountains themselves. Their lives personified the meaning of dedication and commitment to one's work and lifestyle as it took extreme levels of physical and mental endurance to maintain this life style in the face of an ever changing world. The people could have easily given up and moved to more fertile lands or to the confines of the city, but they chose instead to bear these difficult living conditions and create something almost unimaginable in beauty.  It's in these difficult situations, when the cost seems to outweigh the benefits and obstacles seem too numerous to overcome that your commitment and dedication is truly tested. It is in these moments that you find your true character and if your mental and physical endurance can withstand the trials and tribulations that the world tests you with.        The people of Sapa showed this fortitude ever moment of their lives, as their hard work in the fields steeled them mentally and physically. I witness in amazement as I saw vast mountain ranges transformed into rice fields. Old women and children alike climbing up these terraces seemingly effortlessly as they wound dangerously around and up mountains. Though their work many not be mentally demanding in it's complexity, the endurance and commitment necessary to transform and irrigate vast mountainous terrain into farmable rice terraces is what has made this a truly amazing place and undertaking. It just shows that even an seeming insurmountable project when broken down to simplistic steps can be accomplished if you are believe in your work and are committed to it's completion.        As I reflected on my dedication to projects and work I found myself coming to terms with the fact that I offen didn't see a value to what I was doing. Thus, my commitment and dedication to projects suffered as I was derailed/destracted by new projects or obstacles that I believed were insurmountable. I feel these problems were rooted in two negative traits that had established themselves over the years. One being a negatively biased perspective the other being focus. When my world ws turned upside down, I lost my focus and direction. I was lost with a negatively biased perspective of the world. Definitly not a productive or health state of mind. But the world was once again showing me these lessons I had forgotten, healing me like the soothing waters of a river, blowing away my pains as the mountain breeze sweeps away the fallen leaves and melting my heart to the joys of the world. In Hanoi I had rekindled my biased towards action, in Halong bay I realized I had to adjust my perspective towards the positive and Sapa was teaching me that focus and dedication to a project could result in a profound creation, even if its individual task seemed trivial. A smile swepted across my face and I shuttered a little, as I felt a littlmol ire like the man I used to be.

The first moments of the trip with Rich and Alyson went as most trips and vacations. Sheer smiles and disbelief that the trip was actually upon us. As we stood in the international airport in san Francisco, the infectious smiles from those that were travelling on their holidays was evident. We asked stupidly how a airport security's day was going and he replied simply " I am at work", Probably followed by any number of obscenities under his breathe. Secretly I thought to myself how glad I was to have the chance to pursue and find something that I could really enjoy. We hoped around like little kids at the airport and the unceasing feeling that I had felt earlier faded away like the San francisco fog. I told myself to let go of the past or at least make a conscious effort to forget the things that and jaded my past and present thought processes. As I stepped onto the plane I glance back through the window and knew that when I returned I would be a different man. 

Standing in my garden with the fire burning brightly one night before I left on my journey around the world, I felt anxious and nervous at the prospects of the unknown journey ahead. The two weeks of preparation that I had allocated for this adventure went by much quicker than I had expected. As I rush around tying up loose ends and saying good bye to friends and family. Finally taking a moment to step back from the week and reflecting on the journey ahead, my mind took me to strange places that I thought I had long ago buried and forgotten. Past promises broken, dreams unfulfilled and worries that echoed through the night breeze like a soft whisper haunting me in the night.     As these worries began to overtake me, I had to steady myself and remind myself why I was taking this journey. It had been five years since I took the easy way out, by not going to grad school, not getting closure from my first love and not coming to terms with some of the problems with my family. I had fled into the safety of a steady corporate job that had the predictability of  predefined role. That life, that predictability, that job in many ways could be defined as a success, but it had merely masked the problems that were boiling beneath the surface. As  I watched the embers of the fire slowly crackle and fade from within the confines of the fire pit, I knew I had made the right decision to address my past and find my passion in life. I knew that I did not want to become a old man suffocated within the confines of a office, filled with regrets about a life that could have been. I knew that my break up with my ex had scarred me deeply, shaken my confidence and caused me to distrust friends and family alike.  I knew that this journey was the first steps towards addressing these problems and becoming a better man in the process.       As I threw another log onto the fire pit and the log struggled to light, I came to the realization that this journey  would be a defining moment in my life, but that it wouldn't be all sunshine and smiles. The anxiety I had felt earlier was what prevents the majority of us from pursuing something great, something that's truly their own. The fear of the unknown, the fear of failure and loosing what little we have is often enough to prevents us pursuing what is right.  I hoped that I was prepared for this challenge, that I did not let myself down. I made a silent promise to myself as a cool breeze  swept the smoke skywards and the log set ablaze like a pray to the heavens. May I find this time abroad to be fruitful, may I realize the joys of the world and all it has to offer, and may I rediscovery of the man I used to be. 

 As I started my new morning regiment, I found my mind racing faster than the pace of my run. Though my body would take time to recover from the years of corporate abuse it endured, my mind was awakened for the first time in years with a sense of purpose and focus.  As I ran up the hills of Glen Park, I realized that the mind has an amazing ability to adapt and change to it's individual environment. If the mind is stimulated and challenged then the body can rise to the occasion and become capable of amazing feats. Vice versa, if the mind becomes sedentary and goes unchallenged, the body and mind will follow closely behind.      Powering through the hills, my ability to focus returned to a level I had not felt in years. The concentration necessary to push my body that extra step along with the associated runners high fueled my level of productivity in the following two weeks. Projects that I had deferred for months, were completed within the first week of my new found freedom. I began to feel empowered again, as a sense of urgency and excitement swept through whatever I did. I had regained a quiet sense appreciation for a rewarding week of work. My mind and body had started its first step towards resorting back to a resemblance of it's former self and me looking forward again to the calling of a new day.

Happy travels and bless the road that leads me to you. 

Happy Travels and bless the road that leads me to you.