✨

he laid out on the bed , his shirt lifted so you could see the sliver of his skin — a lazy smirk on his face as you sat on your knees. “you look a little flushed princess.” his hand coming up to your cheek. “you said you wanted to do it , you getting cold feet?” jaehyun knew you were inexperienced , he’d been taking things extra slow with you but sometimes you surprised him and he didn’t stop you. “n-no.” you started. “bu-but what if i do it wrong , what if i bite you or something?”

“you’re not gonna bite me baby.. and who knows i might like shit like that.” he chuckled seeing your face flush even more. “come on you’re a big girl.” his hands wrapping around your thighs. “and i’m here to help you , i promise.” you bite down on your lips , forming a pout — he let out a low groan , he didn’t care how sloppy it might be , he needed to feel your lips around him. “it’s just like a lollipop.”

“ok-okay.” he smiled softly , his big hand caressing your cheek. “good girl.” he unbuckled his pants. “go ahead , take my cock out baby.” his eyes were low as he watched you nervously fiddling around with his pants , lifting his hips up to allow you to pull them down enough to pull his cock out , your eyes widening at his length. “yo-you’re really big.” he laughed softly. “touch it baby.” he groaned softly as you held his soft cock in your hands. “yeah baby , now move up and down.” you obeyed. “slowly.” he trailed off as you moved your hands , pre-cum dribbling down his cock. “fuck princess , keep going.”

“now give the tip a little kiss.” lowering your head down , kissing the red tip , the sticky essence coating your lips. “good girl ; open your mouth.” he ran his hands through your head softly. “go slow.” parting your lips , letting his cock slowly slip into your mouth. “fuuuuck.” he groaned , hissing when your teeth grazed the vein. “shit baby , careful with your teeth , you’re doing so good though …. so fucking good.” he praised , your muffled moans , sending vibrations through his cock. “sh-shit , you like sucking my cock?” he groaned , he tugged at your hair softly , desperately wanting to push your head down and make you gag on his cock — shit he was about to cum. “wait fuck hold on baby , stop..”

“did i do something wrong?” you pulled off of him , your lips swollen , eyes read and teary — and fucked out. “no , of course not – fuck you were too good i almost came.” he huffed out a breathless laugh. “isn’t that a good thing?” you titled your head to the side confused , you were killing him. “ye-yeah , but i didn’t want to overwhelm you.” his cock was still hard , twitching against his stomach — you didn’t know what you were doing, but you picked it back up. “baby wait you don’t—fuck!”

he hissed as you bobbed up and down on his length. “god -baby- fuck.” you smiled , mouth full of his cock. “fuck i’m gonna cum.” you kept going , jerking off what couldn’t fit in your mouth , his cock twitched before his cum shot into your mouth , some of it leaking out the corners of your mouth. “ah shit , that’s enough pretty.” you pulled off of him , cum and spit coating your lips. “did i do good.”

“good?” he chuckled breathlessly. “baby you sure you haven’t done that before?” you flushed , swatting his chest. “jae stop..” he pulled you into his lap. “you did so good.” your need for him growing as he praised. “ja-jae.” he rubbed soft circles into your thighs. “getting needy pretty?” you whimpered, nodding. “you did such a good job only right i help you now right?” you core burning with anticipation. “sit on my face.”

“h-huh?” “sit on my face, i want you to smother me with that pretty pussy.” he pulled you further up. “come on let me taste you.” he whispered , hissing the insides of your thighs. “want you to ride my face , use me.”

You walk directly into my direction. I have positioned myself in front of your building's entrance in a blind spot to avoid drawing the night watch's attention to me. Luckily, he's still inside the lobby, having failed to notice my presence. You live in one of the exclusive upper floors since you moved out of your family home, sponsored by your rich father of course. Not once in your life did you ever have to worry about not having enough money.

"Hey, do you perhaps have a lighter?"

Look at you.

There you finally are, standing right in front of me. You look at me and, in the break of the second, you have scanned me from head to toe. My dark clothing, the black hoodie deeply pulled into my forehead to hide my distinctive face as best as possible. I don’t belong here, you see it clearly. 

Your expression, riddled with scorn, speaks volumes. How dares someone like me - a seeming poor guy loitering - speak to you, a rich, famous heiress? It humors me how tonight, you have kissed three guys in the semi-darkness of the club that you haven't even known for five minutes, yet judge me so harshly.

"Sorry, I don't have a lighter."

“Too bad.”

Every few weeks, you grace the headlines of different tabloids, and more often the headlines of online gossip websites: the nightly escapades of the famous heiress, her fast-changing dating rumors, the scandal about her dropping out of an Ivy League university… and that's only the tip of the iceberg. 

I think you're a very haughty, spoiled and capricious girl. You have never known it better.

I will teach you better.

"Excuse me, I need to go inside."

I think I'm doing good so far. You haven't panicked yet, and asking for a lighter was the best excuse I could come up with. It’s not in my interest to cause you to panic after all.

"It's fine."

Maybe it's in the moment you urge me to make space for you to pass that you realize I don't even have a cigarette, and the lighter in question might have been an idiotic attempt just to get you to talk to me. Because when you look back at me after I haven't let you pass, your initial indifference has given way for… fear. It might dawn on you only now that we are all alone out here.

At this time, nobody is present in front of the building except for us two. In a city that never sleeps, it's quite a convenient timing that I happened to catch you in this short time span of absolute surrender, isn't it? Even though it’s my first time, it’s a perfect plan that I’m carrying out.

"Excuse me…"

"I don't think you can go inside, sorry."

I stand in front of the entrance, blocking it for you. And even though I'm the only other person present and don't occupy both doors, you don't make an attempt to dodge me and go for the other entry point. Probably because you know you don't stand a chance against me. I see your eyes widen in shock as slowly, realization sinks in.

"Please…"

I reach into my pocket where I feel the wet tissue that I have prepared beforehand. We could have done all this without talking, quick and wordless. But I assumed it was too inhumane, not fitting for a lady. Now that you threaten to scream though, I quickly come to regret this decision.

"No…!"

You let out a shriek, confirming my earlier regrets. I should have done it in a quick and silent way. I let out a long sigh when you turn around, drop your high heels and flee into the direction you have come from. Your behavior really gets on my nerves. Thankfully, I have a lot of patience.

I catch up to you just a brief moment later, because I am much taller and you cannot run fast, only barefooted after all. I have you in a tight grip in front of me, you can barely move anymore.

"Hel-!"

You fall limply together in my arms after I've pressed the chloroform filled tissue against your mouth. How peaceful you look without the initial scorn and the eventual fear etched all over your face. 

Look at you. 

Sleep well now.

I heave you into the passenger seat of my SUV that is parked nearby and secure the seatbelt around your body. You wear the most unideal attire for what we are about to do, but that is something we need to deal with when you wake up. I almost feel bad for treating a young woman like this. I almost feel sorry. 

But I know I'm not capable of such, because I haven't felt anything even remotely similar to being sorry in a very, very long time.

We leave behind never-sleeping-New York City in the middle of the night. When the sun creeps over the horizon, announcing daybreak, we are already in Connecticut. 

And look at you. 

You're still sleeping.

____

September, Vermont, USA

Your head hurt. That was not unusual for you after a night out. But somehow, your back hurt as well and your throat felt so dry. You were cold and your legs and arms laid bare, though you usually had it very warm under your thick blanket at home. But you were not in your bed - you picked up on this fact quite quickly.

It took everything from you to open your eyes, the pain and the cold making it uncomfortable enough for you not to prolong your sleep-like state. You were in a seating position and instantly realized that you were sitting in a car that had been parked, the driver's seat next to you empty.

Had you called for your driver and fallen asleep in the car? But this was not your personal driver's car. The car was new and so big, but the interior didn't seem familiar to you at all. Had a friend or someone else driven you instead? 

When you looked out of the passenger window though, you instantly realized that you were nowhere near Manhattan, probably not even remotely close to New York City anymore - because everything you saw was trees. You were surrounded by them, and they were so dense and dark that you had difficulties looking through the stems that seemed to encircle you like jail bars. 

You tried to make out what time it was, but you couldn't find your purse in your immediate surroundings where you reckoned you had put your phone. Judging by the lightning coming from outside though, it must be way past midday already. 

Had you slept for so long in a car? Even in your own bed, you usually woke up before 11 am despite getting home at dawn. And why did your head hurt this unusually much?

You reached for the handle and wanted to open the car door, but rattling on it didn’t do much. Had the driver - whoever they might be - locked you in? You gulped, an unsettling feeling that you had been trying to ignore now spreading to every fiber of your body. It locked you inside a vest that seemed too tight for your body. You had trouble breathing and suddenly, you started to panic. Had you been drugged at the club and kidnapped on your way home?

"Hey!" you yelled and rattled on the door again. When there was absolutely nothing to do about it, you lifted up your hands and hammered your fists against the window. "Hey, let me out! Help!"

You twisted and turned your head, but nobody seemed to hear your cries for help. You were far away from civilization, locked up in a car all alone. If this wasn't alarming enough, then you didn't know what was. 

You weren't here because you wanted to be, but because someone else had wanted you to be. Someone who might not be your acquaintance and someone who might not have good intentions. You tried not letting your panic fog your rational thinking. You were prepared for this. As an heiress, you had completed several self defense classes. 

Your fingers trembled when you unlocked your seatbelt, but you were successful on the first try. You moved in the car that you more identified as an SUV and looked around in order to find something heavy and perhaps pointy to break the window. Your high heels would have been a good item right now, but they were gone. 

The dashboard as well as the two seats in the front were almost entirely empty except for a small package of gum and some tissues in the glove box. But when you turned to the back of the car, you found a pile of clothes neatly draped on top of the direct seat behind you. You frowned, but curiosity got the better of you, because it looked like they were prepared specifically for you to find, yet they weren't clothes you would ever consider wearing.

When you had inconveniently made your way to the backseat, you took the clothing pieces into your hand. They were your size exactly: a tight fitted t-shirt, a thick cardigan and a pair of leggings, all in dark colors. On the floor, you even found a pair of new trainers, also exactly your shoe size. Truth to be told, though not exactly your style, you didn't want anything else more right now than exchanging your short party dress for these comfortable, warm clothes. You were freezing after all.

But this was not right. Having these fitting clothes prepared for you and being ripped off your phone was most definitely not a sign that you had spontaneously decided to go on a road trip with a friend and not remember a single thing. 

What had happened just ten hours ago? You had had fun in the club, dancing with different guys… even kissing them, perhaps? Then you had gone home… and you had made it almost to the building. But there was something that had happened before, right before you had entered…

You heard him before you even saw him. 

Your head snapped up and you watched him emerge from the forest through the back window. He was tall, his short hair dark, and he was wearing black cargo pants as well as a black hoodie and a jacket of the same color. 

Despite not seeing his entire face clearly, you immediately knew he was a stranger. 

Panic and adrenaline now rushed through your veins and you ducked your head, only then realizing how stupid this move was as you were in a car and he would see you anyway when he unlocked the door, at the latest. There was no heavy and spiky object inside here to crash the windows either. 

You were trapped. Your heart was thumbing so loudly and heavily that you nearly felt it in your throat. The taste of bile collected on your tongue, and you wondered if you had felt anything remotely close to this fear and panic ever before in your life. Your life that had seemed so perfect that you had never expected something like this could ever happen. 

What had you ever done to deserve this? The answer was… Probably too many things.

You closed your eyes shut when you heard the footsteps approaching. Heavy footsteps that crushed the leaves under them while he was walking through the forest's grounds. Then, the car unlocked. Was this… the end of it all, because you had pushed it too far? 

You were hunched in the corner of the backseat when the driver's door opened, horror etched into your face. For a moment, you could have sworn you had stopped breathing when he leaned into the car. What would he do now? How would he react to finding out that you had woken up?

"Put on the clothes and come outside."

He was younger than you had expected, maybe only a few years older than you, though his voice was deep. He barely threw a look at you, but instead placed something on the driver's seat. You barely recalled what he had said before when he continued,

"Here's a wash bag with a toothbrush and everything else you might need as well as a bottle of water to use. I'll wait for you to change first, then you can go wash up with the stuff."

He closed the door again, but didn't move away from the car. Instead, he turned his back to you and waited, leaning against the driver's door. He stilled for a long time, and so did you. 

What was happening? You couldn't wrap your head around the entire situation. Who was he and what had happened last night? What intentions would he bear that made him urge you to change and wash up? You choked back a gasp when you remembered your painful body, but only felt relief when the ache was restricted to your head and back.

You didn't want to sit it out for longer, so you quickly changed into the new clothes, always one eye directed at the figure outside. But he didn't move once all while you got dressed in the backseat of the car. You then leaned forward and reached for the wash bag. You found a toothbrush, toothpaste, cleansing foam and face cream inside. An abductor who had bad intentions wouldn't provide you with all this, would he? It was only a small consolation. 

When you opened the door, you thought about running away. The new shoes were very comfortable, but regarding your current physical state and his stature, you were very certain that you wouldn't come very far. Even if you were in the state of running miles, you didn't know where you were, what was behind these woods. You couldn't decide which option was the worst. 

If you wanted to escape, you had to think it out thoroughly and not act impulsively. Self-defense classes had taught you this too.

You stepped out of the car and the man directly shifted around to you. You stood at the opposite of each other, the car between you, providing you some kind of barrier that acted as protection. His expression was unreadable, and if you were under other circumstances, he might even be someone you would have found mysteriously attractive with the way his short dark hair stood in contrast to his pale skin, and the way his gaze was so penetrating, yet disassociating. 

As though he didn't want to be here as well.

"Do you want to brush your teeth and wash up?"

It was exactly what you wanted, because you felt so gross. It would be the first thing you would have done at home, but you were far away from your home, with a stranger nonetheless. How could you think about washing up now?

"Who are you?" you asked directly. “Tell me!”

He kept a straight face. "My name is Jaehyun. Your father sent me."

"My father?" A cool breeze grazed your cheeks. Way too cool for hot and sticky New York City around this time. "Sent you for what? What are we doing here? Where is this place even?"

"We're in Vermont." He shrugged and looked around. "Quite close at the border to Canada already."

Your mouth nearly fell agape. "Vermont?! What are we doing in Vermont?!"

You couldn't be in Vermont. You were supposed to be in New York City, in your luxurious apartment, getting ready for another day out with friends, shopping, having dinner at fancy restaurants and partying at night… What were you doing in Vermont?

Jaehyun let out a deep sigh. As though he had the right to be annoyed when you were the one confused and frightened. "We're on our way to Alaska upon your father's request."

You gasped for air. "Why would my father send a stranger with me to Alaska?!"

He looked aside as though he was still struggling to find the right words. As though he hadn't had enough hours on the way here to prepare an explanation that wouldn't let you freak out. Because you were so close to doing so already. 

"I'm going to scream! I'm going to run away if you don't explain right now! Who are you and what is your matter with my father?!"

"I'm not here to hurt you. The opposite even." He lifted up a hand in a gesture while the other disappeared inside the pocket of his pants. When his hand emerged again, he was holding something out to you. A letter. "Your father told me to give you this. Can I… come over to give it to you?"

You stood there, nearly petrified when he slowly rounded the car and handed the seeming letter over to you from a distance. When you took it into your hand, he retreated back to the other side.

You opened the letter right on the spot and started reading.

____

It had started raining a long while ago. At one point, the rain had seamlessly merged with your blurry vision, caused by endless tears. You were sitting in the passenger's seat, legs pulled close to your chest after you had taken off your shoes. Your forehead rested on your knees, weak from all the crying. But you couldn’t stop. 

Jaehyun was gone. But for what exactly, you couldn't remember. Most likely, he only wanted to leave you alone to grieve, because now, he could be sure that you wouldn't attempt an escape. If you could call it like that even. 

Your father… Your usually angry and strict, but also very loving and devoted father, was on the run. He had to suddenly escape and hide from a hit man after a vengeful friend's failed investment upon his recommendation. You didn't quite understand this situation yet. It was hard for you to grasp the entire meaning and the consequences behind the sudden happenings of the past twelve hours.

Apparently, your father had started planning this out very thoroughly as soon as he sensed the downfall. But he hadn't let you, your sister or any other acquaintance in on his plans so as to not make you worried while he was preparing for the entire family’s escape from the country.

"Your father is currently somewhere in Asia and your sister has been taken to South America. I will take you to Alaska," Jaehyun had said. "It was better to separate all of you."

"For… for how long?" you had asked.

"For as long it takes for your father to settle the situation," he had answered.

The rain was pattering mercilessly against the front window and you failed to make out your family members' faces in the drops trailing down the glass. You wished you had your phone right now, but according to Jaehyun, it was too dangerous to even leave it turned on in case your father's enemies would track you - and then your entire family - down. It was not like you wanted to go online. You just wanted to look at pictures of your father and sister as you feared you might forget how they looked.

Only slowly, it dawned on you what this situation would mean for the next few weeks at best:

You would drive all the way to Alaska with a stranger, sleeping in the car, eating canned food, using the outdoors as a bathroom… no, this couldn't be real. You knew this was probably so selfish and shallow, but a part of you also mourned after all the pretty things and the luxury in your life that had been ripped from you. And then, you even grew a little resentful of your father for being the catalyst of all these events and your life as it was now.

It was all too much for you to process at once, so you didn't know what to feel and how to handle all these emotions, let alone this entire new life environment. You generally avoided nature, you were a city girl through and through. How were you supposed to lay low here until it was safe to return?

You suddenly flinched, having been deep in your thoughts, when the driver's door opened and Jaehyun settled himself behind the steering wheel. He was completely drained and took off his wet jacket that he then put on the backseat.

"In an hour, we can continue driving when it gets dark," he declared monotonously. "We only drive at night and rest during the day. We will use the longer and more remote route through east Canada. That way, we can assure that no one follows us. We will reach Montreal in a few hours and then continue our way to Ontario."

You couldn't care less what he was talking about and what he was doing. You just wanted to cry, scream, shake something… but all that came out were more tears. But he didn't react. 

At least that was something you could be grateful for. He left you alone with your feelings.

____

September, Quebec, Canada

You had passed Montreal a mere hour ago. Though you had barely seen anything of the city - only the faint lights from the rural road you had taken. For the rest of the drive, as you stared out of the window, you saw nothing but the eerie darkness of wide fields, and, even eerier still, long stretches of woods that seemed to swallow the road ahead as a whole. And it went deeper, deeper and deeper.

Jaehyun was driving, gaze unwavering from the street. And you were sitting next to him, silent at all times. Yet, you had many questions left. Why had your father chosen him? Where did he know him from? What would you do when you arrived in Alaska? But you couldn’t bring yourself to talk.

You passed in and out of sleep, and when the car finally came to a halt, it was bright outside again. Your eyes were heavy and there was a sour taste on your tongue. Your hair probably stood in every direction and you hadn't washed up in so long. But you didn't care now, which was odd, because you usually did.

"We're in a wildlife reserve here," Jaehyun eventually said when he parked the car in a small clearing, encircled by trees. "I've checked the location, there is no house close by, this is a good hiding spot. There is even a small stream down there where we can take a bath according to the map."

You wouldn't call stepping into a creek “taking a bath” in comparison to the hot tub at your home, so you'd rather decline.

"You must be hungry," Jaehyun then stated as you refused to get out of the car. "I'll make you something. Here." He put the small wash bag that you hadn't used yesterday on your lap. "You can wash up in the meantime if you want."

But you didn't. You didn't want to do anything. You were too tired, exhausted and depressed. What was there to life when you had lost everything worth living for anyway? There was no delicious food anymore, no warm, or even running water, no toilet. No bed! How could you live like this? You wondered whether your father and sister were better off and how he could do this to you.

Of course your sister wouldn't get the same treatment. Not your little, fragile, perfect sister who was far more fitting for the position of the heiress other than you, and who your father always protected at all costs. He would never let her go through the same torture as you.

The passenger side door opened and Jaehyun stretched out something to you inside. "Here." It was a small metal bowl with plain porridge inside. "It's breakfast. Eat it."

But you didn't react, so Jaehyun placed the bowl on your lap after having taken away the wash bag and placed it on the dashboard, assuming you wanted to eat first before washing up. He closed the door again and took his breakfast - the same as yours - right next to the car outside, inspecting the surroundings. 

You watched him carefully. He was tall and well built as far as you could tell through his layers of clothes, and he apparently knew much about life on the road and survival without modern equipment. But you still couldn't grasp the connection between him and your father.

When Jaehyun opened the door again, he wordlessly took the full bowl from you and returned to the trunk from where he apparently got all the things. Just by the size of the SUV alone, you assumed there must be much capacity. But you also admitted that this was not the ideal getaway car. It was certainly… striking. Even for the streets of big cities.

Jaehyun came back only a little while later. He had apparently washed up at the stream as his short hair was still wet. Luckily the sun was shining today, though it wasn't very warm anymore as you had driven quite far into the northern hemisphere already.

"You can go to the stream if you want," he urged you as he sat down behind the steering wheel, but you ignored him again. And again, he tried, "You can also go sleep in the backseat. There, you have the entire space to yourself and can stretch. I can bring you some blankets."

But you just sat there and stared out of the window. Almost unnoticeably, Jaehyun let out a sigh and started reclining his own seat. "I don't lock the doors, so you can go whenever you want. Just make sure you return before it gets dark. And don't wander too far off, because you can get lost easily in the woods."

That was when you turned to the side and looked at him. His expression was bland, as though he merely stated facts, without any emotions. Wasn't he afraid about you running away?

As though he had just read your thoughts, Jaehyun said, "I know running away probably crosses your mind every now and then. But before you do so, just think about whether it is what your father wants. I am here to protect you, not to confine and to torture you. Of course you're free to roam around, do what you want as long as you don't endanger your own life. I promised your father to take care of you and that you will be reunited once this is all over. You've read the letter, you know this is legit."

A chuckle escaped from deep inside you. For the first time since you were on the road, you directed your words at him, "I should think about what my father wants? He never once thought about what I want! He always called me reckless, selfish and materialistic! And now look in which situation he brought me because of his mistakes!"

Jaehyun furrowed. "Is this what you worry about?"

You were taken aback. "What else should I worry about?"

"How your sister and father are doing, for example."

"Tsk." You crossed your arms in front of your chest and sunk deeper into your seat. You didn't want to admit that he was right. You missed them and were worried for them, of course. But right now, anger and resentment dominated your feelings. "They're fine. They always are."

You wondered whether you wanted to reassure Jaehyun or yourself. 

You were the troublesome child, the outcast. The one who seldom visited the family home anymore and rarely ever contacted them first. There had been a time when you had been so close. You wished this all wouldn’t stand between you anymore as it seemed so futile in comparison to what was happening right now. 

If you had known what would happen, would you have told them about your real feelings?  

"I see." Jaehyun shrugged. "Do you want a blanket now?"

"I'm good. I'll go to the stream for..."

He nodded knowingly and you cringed at the fact of discussing your bathroom needs with a stranger again. It never got easier. But you had been holding it back for too long now, and even though you hadn't drank or eaten in a day, it was about time you relieved yourself again. The last time you went was before you had made your way to Montreal.

You followed the path Jaehyun had shown you and found yourself a mere minute later next to a creek. The water seemed clear and inviting, and you didn't want anything more than to brush your teeth and take a shower right now. But what for? You had no intention to stay.

Screw your father. Screw your sister. Screw Jaehyun.

You started running.

____

The sun was setting when you eventually stopped moving altogether. Your feet hurt, you were cold in your light clothes now without a jacket, and your face and hands showed signs of scratches from when you had to push your body through tight bushes. Your tongue was dry and wanted to do everything for water now. Why was it that, in all these hours, you didn't find a paved street let alone a single other person?

You allowed yourself to crouch down and rest on a stub of a tree to catch your breath and reevaluate your situation. You had regretted running away within the first hour, but admittedly hadn't been able to find your way back. The trees had started to grow too dense, barely letting through any light, so the ground grew colder and colder. You slung your arms around yourself and rubbed them up and down to warm yourself up.

Then you started crying again. You would do anything just to lay in your bed in your safe, warm home, wishing this was all just a nightmare from which you would wake up soon. It wasn't typical for your father to have something like this happen to him. He was well-organized, observative and careful. You must know, because it was expected of you to work for and with him in the future. There was no way this was your life now. 

But the letter was legit, and so was your current situation. You wanted your trendy clothes back, your designer bags, your comfortable bed, your hot shower, everything you had since then taken for granted.

"You ready to go back now?"

"Ah!" you let out a scream when Jaehyun suddenly emerged from the trees behind you. It had been hours! Had he been following your every step ever since? "How- What?! How did you find me?!"

"I followed your footsteps on the ground, simple as that."

“It’s been hours!”

“Yet, you have barely brought distance between us.”

Who was this guy?! "How? Where are we now?"

"Not far from the car, as a matter of fact. You've been moving around in circles. But it's no surprise. People who don't know the woods well tend to get lost so easily as everything looks the same to them." Jaehyun crouched down to the same level as you and put his hand on the ground. "See, your footprints. Several, on top of that. All pointing in different directions."

You didn't see anything on the ground except for a bit of mud, moose, fallen leaves and grass. Again… 

"Who are you even? You cannot be a random acquaintance of my father!"

"I’m one of your father's bodyguards." Jaehyun cleaned his hands by clapping them together and then arose again. "You might not know me, because I'm relatively new and don't resemble the bigger, bulkier guys your father usually surrounds himself with. But there is a reason he chose me. I’m an ex-Marine."

For how long had your father planned this? For how long had he planned to shatter your life and take everything from you, sending you off with a stranger to live in a car?

"We won't live in the car," he suddenly answered your thoughts, and you figured you might have said the last part out loud. "There is a cabin, deep in the woods of southern Alaska. That is our destination. We will lay low there until you can go back."

He said "you", not "us", you remarked in silence and asked out loud, "And how long is it going to take?"

Jaehyun shrugged. "From a few days to a few months, everything is possible. Your father sent me on a mission and I will carry it out, even if it may cost my life as long as you can live."

You had been too self-centered to grasp the seriousness of the situation before, but while roaming around in the woods all day, there was nothing else you had been able to think about. You wiped the tears from your dirtied cheeks with the back of your freezing hand. 

If this was going to end in the worst possible outcome because of your own mistake, not only would you be dead, but your father and sister, and possibly everyone close to you as well.

Was there really no other way to survive these horrors except from cooperating with this Marine stranger? If your father trusted him, then shouldn't you too?

"Listen…" Jaehyun’s gaze darkened as he looked at you. "I am not here to hurt you. I am here to protect you, but you need to cooperate as well. We will have to take high precautions and roaming around in the wild isn't helping much. I let it slip this one time, because I know you needed it. But I won't let it happen again, because every person you meet, every security camera that catches sight of you or even the car, could reach your father’s enemies sooner or later. The people after him are very powerful, this is not something to be taken lightly. This is serious, your whole family’s lives depend on every one of your actions. Was I clear enough?"

You didn't answer and didn't direct a single word at him anymore when you followed him back to the car. He took it as an agreement without you needing to verbally define it as such.

____

October, Ontario, Canada

"You haven't eaten anything since we're on the road," Jaehyun stated with much reproach in his voice when he opened the passenger seat for you. "Are you going to starve yourself?"

"I'm not hungry. I’ve said it several times already."

Every now and then, you were sipping on a bit of water, and only when Jaehyun offered it to you. But you didn’t lie about not being hungry. You didn’t have an appetite, because you weren't feeling like yourself anymore. 

You were dusty, sticky and most likely also very smelly from head to toe as you hadn't touched the wash bag even once. Jaehyun grew more frustrated with each passing day, but you couldn't care less as you were not adapting well to these peculiar living circumstances anyway. You just wished to survive this with as little participation as possible until you reached your destination.

"Come out," Jaehyun then summoned.

Admittedly, you really wanted to go for a walk since today was a bit warmer than the last days, but you had no motivation. The past two days had gone by following the same routine. You slept at night when Jaehyun was driving, and when he slept during the day, you were lying in the backseat, napping or staring into nothingness. You rarely spoke to each other, and you still hadn’t come to trust and rely on him even a little bit.

Despite the good weather, you had only intended to stay in the car just like the past days, but Jaehyun had parked right next to a river. It was bigger than the one from two days ago. In the summer, you could easily go swimming in it. Perhaps, walking around outside sounded quite inviting. 

"Fine,” you sighed and swung your legs out of the car. “Just for a little bit."

"No running away today, okay?" You wondered whether Jaehyun had just made a sarcastic joke. 

"We'll see." And you wondered whether you had just made one as well.

You walked over to the stream and came to a halt next to the riverbank. The water was a bit deep, probably reaching to your hips, but the current was quiet and slow. You could have sworn you saw a few fishes too when you bent over the surface. 

"You can go inside,” Jaehyun suggested. “It’s not too cold.”

“It’s okay. I’ll just sit down here.”

“Not today.” He suddenly appeared by your side. "Here, let me help you."

The next thing you felt was pure coldness embracing you from all sides. Instinctively, you held your breath and closed your eyes. The ground beneath your feet vanished before you even realized you were falling forward, straight into the water that was attacking your clothed body like a million needles. It was cold. So, so cold.

"Are you insane?!" You screamed when you pushed back up to the surface, standing on shaking feet. Your hair, face, clothes… everything was wet. "It's freezing! Who pushes someone into a river?!"

But Jaehyun just quietly turned around and walked back to the car from where you saw him taking out several items. He came back and placed them all on the riverbank. You spotted the wash bag, soap, a wash cloth, a towel and… fresh clothes. 

He had had fresh clothes for you all along and still let you walk around in these dirty garments for days?

You slowly made your way to the riverbank, your feet slipping on the muddy ground several times, but Jaehyun lifted his hand and urged you to stop right there. "No fresh clothes until you wash up."

You couldn't believe your ears. "Excuse me?"

"I'm very sorry to say this to a lady but…" He stopped, visibly struggling, but eventually he confessed, "You smell."

"I-, what?!"

"You smell!" Jaehyun then said a bit louder, matter-of-factly almost. It wasn't like you hadn't heard it acoustically. You just couldn't believe someone would say such an offending thing right into your face. "You haven’t eaten, washed and changed clothes for days. I've been on the road in groups of several men for weeks and you come really close to smelling like them wh-"

"Stop!" you yelled again, your face heating up. You then both paused, just staring at each other. This was so humiliating. "Pass me the soap and turn around," you quietly pressed through gritted teeth and looked away.

Jaehyun probably didn't know how to express himself better. If he had only been surrounded by men before and had come fresh out of his service judging by his age, then he probably didn't know much about treating women. But that shouldn't be an excuse!

He was quietly sitting with his back turned to you, working on what seemed like making a fire. Every now and then, when you slowly took off your clothes with your back turned to him as well, you peeked over your shoulder. But Jaehyun never once made a move to even peek back.

When you felt slightly safer, you put your wet clothes and shoes on the riverside and scrubbed your entire body down, starting from your head by washing your hair and ending with your feet. You would have done anything to follow through with this procedure in a hot shower, because the cold water let your teeth clash against each other so hard, you could barely hear the current anymore.

Jaehyun was still sitting quietly with his back turned to you when you had dried yourself off with the towel, quickly brushing your teeth and creaming your face as well. You were frozen to the bones, but at least you were more presentable now. More or less. But this was the best you could do.

You had changed into a pair of joggers and a hoodie with warmer layers underneath - all exactly your size. The towel was now draped over your head to dry your hair when you approached Jaehyun at the bonfire, feeling a little bit more like yourself again. But only a little bit. You seated yourself a bit further away from him and held your hands over the flames. He had obviously made the fire only with branches as you didn't see a lighter anywhere. 

"I'll warm up some soup for breakfast now,” Jaehyun informed you. “I haven't slept much yesterday, so I'm quite exhausted. I would really appreciate it if you would not run away today and eat something."

"Why can't we go to a hotel or something?" you asked dryly as you watched him pour the canned soup into a small pot over the camping cooker that he had set up right next to the bonfire. “Just for one night.”

The fact that he was not preparing the food over the fire suggested that he had only set it up for you to get warm again. You swallowed a lump in your throat.

"There are cameras everywhere, we cannot risk it." Jaehyun stirred with a spoon in the pot, and suddenly, you felt so hungry. You couldn't explain where it came from. "It's all for the same reason as to why I had to take your phone away and you cannot contact anyone in your family."

"Maybe you're lying after all," you said nearly sulkily. "Maybe the letter is fake and you just kidnapped me to blackmail my father."

Honestly, both stories sounded equally bizarre, they could both be true.

Jaehyun then grabbed something else from nearby that he had apparently intentionally prepared as though he had seen this scenario coming. 

It was a very famous tabloid. You took it with trembling hands, but you didn't even need to open it as your father's face was all over the headline. It was dated to three days ago, the day after you had needed to leave urgently.

"I knew you would ask at some point,” Jaehyun explained calmly. “I bought this the next morning when you were still… passed out."

The headline read:

Top investor on the run - Where is…

Famous heiress and sister missing.

The full story. Everything we know so far.

FBI is investigating.

Your hunger was entirely gone.

____

You had spent the entire day sitting by the small bonfire, reevaluating your life once again while waiting for your wet clothes to dry. Jaehyun was sleeping in the car, and per his request you hadn't left the immediate area. Your hunger hadn’t returned, and at this point, you wondered whether starving yourself would be more merciful than continuing living like this.

"Your hair is dry already. Good. It took way too long." Why did he always silently emerge out of nowhere? Jaehyun settled himself next to you and stretched his limbs. "I'll make food now and we won't leave until you eat."

"Then you can wait for a very long time."

"Fine, then we will wait." He gave in way too fast. There was a catch. "Not only for you to eat, though. But also for the bears to join us. Making a fire was already dangerous enough, but otherwise you would have caught a cold, and getting sick would be even more bothersome."

“Animals don’t get attracted to fire.”

"Bears do, because by now they have learned that when a fire is near, so will be humans and food, and they follow the smell. And I don’t necessarily want to fight one again."

You raised a brow. “You fought bears before? You’re lying.”

"That’s what you learn as a Marine."

Jaehyun had taken off his jacket due to the warmth of the fire, only wearing a tight fitted shirt now. You dared to take a closer look at his build. He was more buff and even more muscular than what you had assumed through the layers of fabric. Fine, you bought it.

“If you say so.”

You watched Jaehyun pour oats and water in the clean pot that he then put on the camping cooker. Oatmeal used to be your favorite breakfast when you were little, but you usually preferred it with milk. That was not possible right now, though. 

After a few minutes of stirring, the light meal was done and Jaehyun put a bit of it in a metal bowl before sprinkling some spice over the food. Wordlessly, he then held the bowl out to you and wordlessly, you took it. On top of the oatmeal, he had put a bit of sugar and cinnamon.

It was just like your mom had always prepared it for you when she was still alive. Only your family had known. Had they told him?

Suddenly, you didn't feel resentment towards your father and sister anymore. You missed them dearly and even felt guilty for having reacted the way you had earlier. You started eating your porridge in silence with a heavy feeling sitting on the top of your chest that you failed to suppress. When the first tears started to fall, you continued eating. And Jaehyun was eating as well, all in silence. 

You didn't want to die. You didn't want to risk never seeing your father and sister again. The only way to be reunited with them was to stay alive, follow instructions with the help of your father's chosen bodyguard, and hope for the best. So you emptied the entire bowl.

When you both finished, you helped Jaehyun collect the food waste, bowls and pots, and brought the used items over to the car. Jaehyun opened the trunk that was so much bigger than those of regular cars, and you widened your eyes when you saw what he had all cramped into there.

There was a large box that took up almost half of the trunk's space. It was filled with water bottles, canned food like ravioli, and different packages with dry or pre-cooked food like oats and rice. It was enough to last you two for a week more, most likely. 

On the other side of the trunk, there was a transparent box filled up to the brim with different clothes, shoes and blankets. For you and him both, you assumed. On a smaller box next to it, you read "hygiene" on the lid. When you lifted it up to take a look inside, you found towels, soap, a brush and other necessities for a quick wash up. Even pads and tampons. Jaehyun had thought about everything. 

There was also a small box which was declared as "medicine & emergency" and another one with "tools". You also spotted four canisters with gas, and it only now became clear to you that you had never once stopped at a gas station.

"How long will we still be on the road until we reach the cabin?" you asked. “That’s a lot of stuff.”

"Approximately one week."

Just as you had guessed. "Do you have a phone?"

Jaehyun looked at you as though you had just asked the dumbest question. "Of course I don't have a phone. If they track me down, they will get to you as well."

"Then how do you know where we'll be driving to exactly? How can my father contact you when everything is over?"

Jaehyun let out a long sigh as though annoyed. You didn’t think your questions were this stupid. 

"You know, physical maps exist. And it's not the first time I'm driving this route. Your father knows where to find us."

“I mean… something like prepaid phones exist too, you know.”

“I know.”

But he didn’t explain why they weren’t using such phones instead. To you, it all sounded too vague. But Jaehyun had proven more than once that he had been indeed sent by your father. 

There was nothing left to do for you other than to trust their plan, regardless of how little it made sense to you.

____

October, Manitoba, Canada

Another two days passed with the same routine while you drew closer to the next Canadian state. 

Coming from bustling New York City, you grew bored of the dull nighttime drives through the remote areas quite fast and just slept as much as possible throughout the hours on the road. When you found a secluded site in the woods to camp, you first ate oatmeal or canned food together before Jaehyun retreated himself to sleep in the car while you just wandered around the area or sat close by the car, deep in thoughts and dreams.

Yesterday, you tried to polish your appearance as best as you could. It had taken you an hour to brush out all the knots in your hair and trim your brows with tweezers that you had grabbed from an emergency kit. You had even found vaseline to tend to your chapped lips, but nothing helped your unhealthy face color, the big bags under your eyes and your overall motley appearance. 

Before, you had never left the house without a full face of makeup and an outfit suitable for the occasion in case you met people you knew or got photographed. Now, there was not much you could do to appear put together. You knew that, even when you happened to cross paths with other strangers in this wilderness, they couldn’t care less about your appearance. It was for you. Everything in your life had fallen apart already. If something like mascara could make you feel a little better, then you would take it. But there was none as such.

You had just woken up from a rather comfortable nap with the passenger seat reclined as far as possible when the car suddenly came to a halt at a rest stop. When the roads weren't as curvy and bumpy, you could even sleep stretched out on the backseat. Jaehyun didn’t care all too much about it.

This rest stop seemed to be the only sign of civilization within miles, nestled deep in the woods where this asphalted road ran through. There was only one small fuel pump and an even smaller house in which you saw an old man seated at the counter. Through the window, you were able to spot a single aisle with low shelves. 

There must be food and drinks! As much as you appreciated Jaehyun providing for you, you had grown quite tired of the same, plain food every day. Instantly, you unbuckled your seatbelt, but Jaehyun's head snapped back at you as though you had just committed a crime.

"Are you crazy?!" he called out and grabbed your arm to drag you back. "You cannot come with me! I will only pump some gas into the canisters and we will disappear again!"

"Why not?" you asked with much frustration. "There is no one here except for that old man!"

"There might be security cameras! What if another car suddenly stops here? What if the old man inside or someone else passing by recognizes you?"

You rolled your eyes. "We're in the deep wilderness! Be so for real now!"

"Did you forget who you are?! Don't you think people in rural Canada might also recognize your face?"

Jaehyun had let go of your arm and was now trying to fix your seatbelt again, but you slapped his hand away and then pointed at your face. "This face you mean? Look at me! Do I look anything like the person on newspapers or gossip blogs? Be so for real now."

“Can you stop talking in internet slang for a moment?” He stared at you blankly. "Well… if you look closely, maybe."

Ouch. He really didn't know how to treat women delicately. But you decided not to hold it against him, because this could be your ticket to enter the shop with his permission.

"You can check for security cameras if you like. You can even go in there before me and check on the man himself. Just please…" You didn't want to beg, but you didn't know what else to do at this point. Jaehyun could keep you locked inside the car if he wanted, so you had to sweet talk to him until you got on his good side. "I just want a cold coke… and sweets maybe? You cannot tell me you wouldn't like these too after water and oatmeal for days."

A few moments passed, but eventually Jaehyun let out a long, defeated sigh. You had the feeling you caused him to sigh very often. "I'll go first and then come back to get you. Stay here until I return, fine?"

"Fine." You wanted to let a giggle slip, but swallowed it.

Jaehyun didn't lock the doors when he got out of the car. You watched him rounding the vehicle, then the entire outside area, lifting his head every now and then. When Jaehyun went inside the gas station, he talked to the old man for a little while, then walked up and down the aisle, stopped shortly in front of a shelf, looked into every ceiling corner as well, and eventually returned to you.

"Wear this," Jaehyun told you when he opened the passenger door and placed a jacket on your lap. It was his own, not the one you usually wore outside. It would hide more of your body due to its size. "Make sure to wear the hood as well. Just to be safe."

Jaehyun's jacket reached down to your hips, the hood also falling deep into your forehead, concealing most of your face. You triumphed and followed Jaehyun to the shop.

"Don't act suspiciously. Here are five dollars, so buy whatever you want. Be quick and don't say a word. Avoid saying as little as hello and goodbye even. Buy and leave. I stay outside and fill the canisters."

"But isn't it suspicious if I avoid speaking to the cashier?" you asked. "If I behave like a timid, scared girl, he will suspect I'm a timid, scared girl and question the situation."

"Hm…" Jaehyun was very educated in survival stuff, but he knew little about human interactions while your life was based on human interactions. "Probably…"

You held out a hand to get him to stop talking. "Just watch. That's my forte."

"Hey-!"

But you were already inside the shop. "Good evening, mister."

The old man barely looked up and only murmured, "Evening."

You ignored Jaehyun who was watching you through the large panoramic window with a wary expression and strolled through the short aisle. Immediately, saliva collected on your tongue when you saw all these colorful bags with delicious snacks.

You grabbed a small pack of chips and sour worms. The five Canadian dollar note cheapskate Jaehyun had given you wasn’t enough to get a can of coke on top, but since food would last you longer anyway, you were satisfied with your small haul. 

That was until on your way to the cashier, your gaze fell on a small section with newspapers and tabloids. Your heart nearly stopped. But…

There were no headlines about your family on the covers anymore. You wondered whether there had been no progress in your scandal for your story to be pushed back, blending in with less important reports. You knew better than anyone, since you had been gracing the tabloid covers every few months and appearing inside the magazines almost every few weeks. 

Since you were in Canada now, it was natural for them to have more important news and people to write about. But there must be at least something small… You weren’t that insignificant even here.

You placed the snacks aside and, with shaking fingers, grabbed a popular magazine that usually liked writing gossip about you in the US version. New issues had been supposed to come out either yesterday or today if you had run the dates correctly. 

You skimmed through the pages, but couldn't find any reports on your case. You were unsure whether this was good or bad. Then, you searched through the next magazine, only to find anything but news on your family as well. Your last hope was a Canadian newspaper dated today. Since they changed daily, you were most likely to find something inside there. But again, there was nothing. Not even in the smallest section. Not even a mention. 

Disappointed, you placed the newspaper back on the shelf. You supposed that this was a good sign your father and sister had not been found yet. Still, there was a lingering premonition you couldn't shake off. What if this was… not real after all?

"Are you done yet?" Jaehyun had suddenly appeared next to you, causing you to flinch. He looked at you, then at the magazines, and connected the dots. Grim, he grabbed your selected bag of chips and sour worms. "Get whatever else you want, I'll pay for this."

You quickly grabbed two cans of coke from the nearby fridge and handed the cashier the additional five dollar bill after a gesture from Jaehyun. You tried looking at the old man intensely, trying out different expressions and even pulling your hood back a bit in case he would recognize your face. But he didn't even look at you once.

When the cashier was focused on packing your snacks into a plastic bag, your eyes wandered over the counter. There was a small section with pester power items. One of the items was, to your very dismay, tinted chapstick with strawberry flavor. It would make your lips look a bit prettier than the vaseline you had been provided with, and even the mere thought of it gave you a surge of happiness and confidence. 

Your hand automatically reached out for the chapstick, but you halted mid-motion, coming to your senses. You wished to have collected this instead of the coke, but Jaehyun would have surely not let this one slide when you had pestered him about the drink so much, so you retracted your hand. 

"Why is there no article about my family and our disappearance?" you asked Jaehyun bluntly on the way back to the car. "The news cannot die down after just a few days!"

"It’s the Canadian wilderness here, you said it yourself. Perhaps, those were old issues."

"No, those were new ones. I know every single issue with their main headlines, and I looked closely at the dates. If we're missing, then our faces should be everywhere, shouldn't they? Even in Canada, if we must be so careful here as well. But there was not even a single mention of us. Do you think it’s different in the US after the major headline from a few days ago that you’ve shown me?"

"I wouldn’t know." Jaehyun opened the passenger door for you and you sank into the seat with the two cokes you had been holding. He placed the snacks on your lap and closed the door before he got into the driver’s seat himself from the other side of the car. He then continued, "Perhaps, people really don’t care much about you here. It’s an entirely different country after all."

You didn’t even try to get your hopes up. “So… if that’s the case, what would actually hold us back from using hotels here?”

"No way." Jaehyun then started the car. "Everything it takes is only for one person to recognize you. We cannot risk it."

You buckled up your seatbelt and then threw a coke in Jaehyun's lap. "Here."

"You didn't need to."

You shrugged and opened your can, Jaehyun following your act suit. "I thought you might get tired and needed a bit of caffeine and sugar to keep you awake. Don't think too much into it."

Reluctantly, he said, “Thank you.”

____

October, Saskatchewan, Canada

You only had three outfits to wear that Jaehyun had packed, which included two pairs of trainers and two jackets of different thickness and fabric. The clothes catered more to warmth and practicability rather than a flashing appearance. As a person who used to be out in public so often, you usually never repeated outfits within a short time span. So you tried holding on to this small part of your former life in the form of pimping up your current fits. If you could call it like that even. 

You tied a shirt in front of your stomach, letting a little bit of skin slip when you felt like it, or inserted a small part of the fabric into the front of your pants. You wore your hair tucked into the collar of your hoodie, tried other styles with bobby pins and ties, or wore your jacket around your hips when it was a bit warmer. Jaehyun usually threw a confused look at you, but never lost a word about it.

It wasn’t until you rode into the South of Saskatchewan that it started pouring heavily all day long, making it impossible for you to leave the car with dry clothes. For your safety, Jaehyun had even parked the vehicle close to the main street, though only two other cars passed by that day. The province was part of the Great Plains, so the landscape was dominated by prairie grassland.

You were locked inside the vehicle with Jaehyun while both of you were eating leftover oatmeal from the night before. Only your portion had the sugar and cinnamon topping.

"Don't you like sweets?" you asked Jaehyun after you had finished your meals. You were currently brushing your hair. Every day, it seemed, brushing out the knots took more and more time. "I reckon you only touched the chips and not the sour worms as well."

"I'm not… used to it, so I don't specifically like or hate sweets, there is just no preference. In the military, we rarely had something sweet when it was all about surviving. We barely ever had anything." He cleared his throat and suddenly deadpanned, "We also didn't care much about our appearance."

You narrowed your eyes and lowered the brush, halting your motions. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"We take so long to depart, because you always fiddle with something on your appearance. Mostly on your hair that also takes so long to dry, because what? You cannot leave it to dry in a towel for it to fall differently? We're on the run, not on the runway."

Your mouth nearly fell agape. "Excuse me?! I am a lady, makeup and fashion is my life! It makes me feel good, it pushes my confidence! If I seek for something to make me feel a little more girly and a little bit better after everything has been ripped away from me, then I don't think you have a say in this!" You leaned back in your seat and folded your arms across your chest, sulking. "Of course such words would only come from a man. This has nothing to do with you, I don't want to look good for you or anyone else. That was in the past. Right now, it’s just for me. You don’t know how it is to suddenly live like this."

"I didn't mean it as such an insult," Jaehyun meekly attempted to talk himself out of it. "I picked the most basic clothes, because it wouldn't matter so much anyway in our situation. I just think… you put on some mask. You look fine the way you are now with whatever you're wearing. What do you think is wrong with your appearance that it bothers you so much even now?"

Many things. Your nose, your chin, your jawline, your brows, your lips… Or whatever people wrote in certain snark forums on the internet. No matter how much make up you wore to conceal whatever they criticized, they would always find something else. And you would find them gossiping about it.

You lowered your head and put the hairbrush aside. Then, you took the blanket and crawled to the backseat while Jaehyun watched in silence, probably waiting for you to say something in return. But you didn't. You laid down on your back, covered yourself with the blanket and just stared out of the window, wondering whether Jaehyun had actually given you an underlying compliment in his awkward, inexperienced manner. The landscape wasn't visible through the glass as the rain came down on the car in nearly seamless streams. 

"You must really have a twisted picture of me," you eventually said.

"I don't know anything about you," Jaehyun answered from the driver’s seat.

You knew he was lying. "You've been working for my father."

"Just recently started."

"You read about me on the internet for sure."

You had thought you would miss the internet, but were suddenly taken aback by the fact that you had not felt the urge to ask for your cell phone anymore. You had been so occupied with adjusting to your new situation that you had not instinctively thought about going online or checking messages when it used to be the first thing you did in the morning. 

On the other hand, it also meant avoiding seeing bad comments that you had once been so obsessed with. You still wanted to know what people said about you, but you physically couldn’t. It felt like some kind of withdrawal. 

“I barely go on the internet."

"Even barely online, you couldn’t have missed my latest scandal."

Only one month ago, your face had grazed all headlines, with the same big, bold title: "Heiress caught up in cheating scandal with engaged prince". 

Jaehyun couldn’t have missed that. Nobody had. You had gone through the lowest time in your young life. Yet, you still wore the same title to your father’s company. For what?

You had always read every article about you with sweaty hands. You had never missed a single news, another blog article, the top tweets… You had been so obsessed with what people were saying about you - good and bad - usually scrolling through different apps for hours on end. 

But you had never stopped, because nothing had ever been too scandalous enough for your father to release you. Not even the affair with the engaged prince. You had pushed and pushed and pushed. Until what was left of you was only this shallow shell. 

After a long while, Jaehyun stated, "I don't judge people based on their actions."

"Why would that be?"

You wondered if he grew tired of your questions, but somehow, in this huge car that suddenly felt so small, talking with him gave you some kind of comfort you had never expected to find here, right in the middle of the Canadian grassland. Somewhere between the nightly escape from New York City and the long car rides through Canada’s endless no man's land, you had grown accustomed to his presence.

You heard Jaehyun shifting in his seat before he answered, "Sometimes in life, we all do things out of our norm, things we don’t want to do. To live, to survive."

"You think the fact that I got caught up in a cheating scandal with an engaged prince wasn't because I wanted to be?"

"No naturally good person wants to do bad things if they have a choice."

"Perhaps, I'm just a bad person." You chuckled ironically over this half-truth, but he didn't join. "What about you, Jaehyun? Are you a bad person too? Or are you naturally good? The fact that you are a Marine would tell me you're the latter."

“I used to be one,” he corrected you. "And we are told to fight for what is right."

"That's not an answer to my question."

And he never gave you one. 

You were dozing off right after Jaehyun's breathing had grown regular. It was seldom for you to sleep during the day, but stretched out like this with a warm blanket over you, almost felt like a bed. Almost.

____

October, Alberta, Canada

Maple trees followed pines, followed oak, followed birch, followed fields… and the cycle repeated.

In the night, everything looked the same to you. It had rained for two days straight in which you weren't able to leave the car. You had thought you'd grow insane from being stuck in such a tight space, looking at the same blurry trees and skies through foggy car windows. Jaehyun slept most of the daytime, and so did you, because there was not much else to do.

This early morning, you had grown a bit excited when you spotted the first white mountain peaks far in the horizon. The rain had finally given in to a blue sky and warm rays of sunshine. Somehow, after the storm from the days before, everything had changed. It was like a veil had been lifted off your vision.

Jaehyun had parked the car close to a river, deep inside the woods again. At one point, you had feared you'd barely make it through the muddy, narrow path. But Jaehyun had led the car so skillfully that all your doubts had gone to vain in an instant. Whatever he had learned in the Marines, you had to admit to yourself that you had never once needed to fear being put into danger.

Jaehyun usually jumped into the water for a quick wash right after he woke up in the late afternoon. But today, he broke out of his routine and pulled his shirt over his head the moment he stepped out of the car. After you had needed to abstain from washing more than your face for the past few days due to the weather, Jaehyun probably felt a huge urge to bathe as soon as possible once the sun came out. 

You decided to wait until he was fully submerged and then started washing your clothes, turning away from Jaehyun to give him the privacy he needed. You would take a bath yourself once he went back to the car to sleep.

The days grew colder little by little, and eventually, it would probably rain even more as well. You hoped you would reach your destination before you'd spend hours freezing. Though, truth to be told, you didn't miss the suffocating late summer heat in the city at all. 

On most days, you woke up to a clear sky and crisp air. The seasons started to change here in West Canada already, and so did the landscape. You noticed the once so bland green trees had turned more colorful, the nature overall more vibrant. Indian Summer was not very present in this part of the country, but you still felt and saw a touch of it. It was beautiful.

"Try slapping them against the big rock over there."

"What?!"

You got startled when Jaehyun appeared right in front of you. Topless and water dripping from the short ends of his hair down to his bare chest. You were crouching on the riverbank, rubbing your clothes against each other with soap in one hand. But now, you were halting all your motions.

You had seen men topless. Many, many men as a matter of fact. It was not a secret to anyone that you rather enjoyed your single life for all you cared. Yet, you picked your guys very carefully based on their looks, status and reputation, less on their character if you were to be seen and photographed with them. The more powerful the men, the more inevitable the destruction caused to your name. 

Jaehyun would be none of your picks. And under other circumstances, you wouldn't have looked at him twice. But now, you were staring at him.

"Give me your shirt," he demanded. "I'll show you."

Mutely, you handed the shirt in your hands over to Jaehyun and watched him move towards the rock he was referring to. He started slapping the garment against the stone several times and then rubbed the fabric against the surface, alternating between these two moves. Apparently, that was how people had done it in the past when washing machines and washboards hadn’t existed yet - and how they had done it in the military when they were out in the wild, according to Jaehyun. 

Big cars, high end clothes, fancy bags, stylish hairdos… it all didn't matter here. You saw it clearly now. 

What mattered was Jaehyun knowing how to make a fire without a lighter, how to drive a big car through muddy paths without getting stuck, how to wash clothes in a river with his bare hands, and many more things you had probably missed out on.

These were all things essential to survival. Your father had made a wise choice.

In real life, the way Jaehyun’s muscles tensed and eased while handling the laundry wouldn't have mattered. But here, it did matter. The way the sun shone on his dark hair where water was still dripping from its ends, mattered. In real life, you wouldn't have looked at him twice. But here, he was all you could look at. 

Everything was different here. 

The guys you had been with wouldn't know a single thing about surviving in the wilderness, they would be useless here. But Jaehyun wasn't.

Perhaps, you had been on the road alone with him for too long and you couldn’t quite recall anymore when you had last been with a man to feel so… tingly. So you quickly shook your head in hopes you could shake off your thoughts about Jaehyun as well. 

"You got it?" Jaehyun eventually asked and you nodded absent-mindedly.

But then you noticed something. Jaehyun was still wearing his pants, but along the seam on his right side, you could see them coming through. They were still somewhat red, probably starting from his leg and running up his thigh until they reached his waist, judging by the size of what you saw. 

Burn scars. You had immediately recognized them.

Jaehyun suddenly caught your gaze and threw the shirt right back at you before he wordlessly turned around, submerged in the water and swam away. He must be freezing, but he was more willing to deal with the cold than deal with your questions. 

Though you hadn't meant to ask any question, because you knew that people usually didn't like talking about scars this big and visible. Because you had the same ones, right on your back. They were more ancient, but they were still there.

Jaehyun came out of the water a few meters away from you, not sparing you another glance before he started washing up. There was much more to what you had learned from this morning alone apart from what your thoughts could grasp at that moment. 

But one thing was for sure…

When you got into the car shortly before the sun went down to continue your way, you did so with freshly brushed, natural hair that flowed over your shoulders, free from bobby pins and ties. You wore a simple shirt, the hoodie over it, and then the jacket on top. You had not chosen to style the clothes in a certain way anymore at all. 

If Jaehyun noticed, he didn't let it slip. Though you could swear, you saw him cracking a crooked smile from the corner of your eyes.

In the middle of the night, you stopped at a gas station in the deep wilderness again, but you stayed inside the car. There was nothing you were craving for right now anyway. Perhaps, you also feared what you might find on the shelves this time. You’d rather not know anymore. 

The only thing you wondered about was whether your friends were worried and what they had texted you. But if you were to name someone specific… you painfully realized that not a single name would come into your mind you could be entirely sure of was missing you. Had anyone even noticed your absence?

You watched Jaehyun filling the canisters with gas and then going inside the shop to pay. A few minutes later, he returned. And carried something in his hands. A drink or a snack for you maybe?

"Here, for you." But what fell into your lap when Jaehyun opened the door was not a snack or a drink. 

It was much, much smaller and tasted of strawberry. It was the chapstick you had seen at the other rest stop!

"What-"

"You looked at it a little too long for me not to notice."

It was the only thing he had brought back to the car. He hadn't gotten anything for himself. "Jaehyun, I-"

You gulped, visibly touched by this gesture. It meant that Jaehyun had seen and heard your struggles, and he was now trying to give you a little bit of your old life, of yourself, back despite having complained about it earlier. 

You had been given so many gifts throughout your life, each more expensive than the last. But rarely had anything meant as much to you as this gas station strawberry chapstick.

"Thank you, Jaehyun," you said quietly.

And this time, his smile was visible. Just very lightly.

____

October, British Columbia, Canada

You had successfully talked Jaehyun into making a stop in the mountains the next morning. The rain had slowed you down a bit, so you would reach your destination in only two more days. A few hours more or less wouldn’t matter that much anymore.

You stopped close to the most beautiful lake you had probably ever laid eyes on. You had traveled to different states before, but no place you had ever visited came close to what you were able to witness in the Canadian nature.

"Jaehyun, you have to look at this!"

The emerald water was crystal clear, mirroring the mountains that closed in around the lake. The range began just behind the wooden cabins lined up along one side of the shore - that much you could see from your high vantage point. On the distant peaks, you could even spot patches of snow at their very tops. The trees surrounding the lake and mountains were a mix of vibrant greens, oranges and reds. In another area, a little farther away, people were camping and fishing. They looked so very little in this vast wilderness. 

You heard Jaehyun approaching you and asked, "Where we're going, is the landscape just as beautiful as here?"

"It will be even more beautiful."

"It's hard to believe you when this is already the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed."

"More beautiful than the Grand Canyon? Yosemite and Yellowstone? Hawaii?"

"These are all places that I've visited in the past." You crossed your arms in front of your chest and pursed your lips. "So you indeed did your research about me."

"It's hard to go online and miss your face on the news. Though it's even harder to keep up with who you're pictured with."

You felt a sting of embarrassment piercing through your heart. It hurt. Why did you care about how he viewed you?

"When was the last time you were with a woman, Jaehyun?" you wanted to know. It was straight-forward and blunt, but it was about time you'd cross this line already.

Jaehyun was visibly taken aback, brows drawn together and lips parted in shock. "What is this question?!"

"A normal one." You grinned. Somehow, you very much liked his flustered reaction. "But I might rightfully assume I'm way more experienced than you."

Jaehyun turned his head away from you, but it didn't pass by you that the tips of his ears turned red. "Well, that's what you assume."

"Am I not right?" you teased. "I could swear a lot of women would do anything to be lifted up by those buff arms of yours."

"What are you blabbering about?!" When Jaehyun drew his head back at you, his entire face showed a tint of red. "Stop it now!"

You snickered - the first genuine laugh you let out after more than a week. Somehow, it lifted a huge burden off your chest. Somewhere along the way, you had feared you might have lost the ability to feel something close to happiness, or even lightheartedness, entirely.

"Can I walk around here a bit while you sleep?" you eventually changed the topic.

"Wait until we're somewhere safer and descended from here. We're quite close to the main road, it's very risky."

"Oh Jaehyun!" you complained and snorted in annoyance. "We didn't see a single car while we were driving up here! The road is so narrow and hidden, no tourist would get the idea to use it. And it's not so often that I get to see a view this beautiful! What might stand against the idea to linger here a little while longer? Just an hour? Then you can take a nap and we will continue somewhere safer."

You saw Jaehyun’s inner conflict flashing right before his eyes, and finally, he let out a defeated, long sigh. "Fine, But remember, always stay-"

"- close to the car and avoid people at all costs! If something feels off, I immediately return to you. Always, you tell me the same, I get it."

"In an hour!" he reminded you. "If you don't return by then, I'll come to get you!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say!" You waved aside and already disappeared behind trees.

____

You had spent your free time quietly sitting on a formation of rocks, overlooking the lake. No deep thoughts - just you, the woods, the mountains, and so much freedom before you that it left you nearly speechless, too overwhelmed with a beauty of this caliber.

Beneath you, the rock you were sitting on spread out and merged almost seamlessly into a cliff that ended in the valley where the lake was located. You had settled on the edge, because this was where you could catch the best views. A fear of heights was something you hadn’t developed after growing up living in high rise buildings in New York City.

Whether an hour had truly passed, you couldn’t tell since you had no way of telling the time. But when you heard someone calling your name from afar, it didn’t feel like it had been that long!

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you, Jaehyun!" you yelled back. "I'm coming."

You heaved yourself up with the intention to jump back on your feet when you heard it. No, city people like you usually weren't scared of heights. But they were scared of animals they had never encountered before. Like a…

"Snake!" you screamed and were back on your feet fast.

The snake was right in front of you. Its back was patterned with shades of brown, broken up by lighter patches. The lower part of its boneless body was coiled into a circle, with only the tip raised in the air - rattling. The animal, staring straight at you with its triangular head and flicking tongue, was a rattle snake. You thought they only inhabited the lands in the far south of the continent, not here in northern Canada!

"Jaehyun!" you screamed. And then again, louder this time, as the snake moved towards you, "JAEHYUN!"

You took a step back, feeling the edge of the rock formation beneath your sole, where the cliff waited below, threatening to drag you into the depths of the woods surrounding the lake if you made a single wrong move. If you tried to run past the snake, you knew it would attack, no matter how fast you were, injecting its poison straight into your bloodstream. You doubted Jaehyun carried a specific antidote around in his medical kit, and the next hospital must be hours away!

Your situation forced you to choose between two options that both led to an ending you didn’t want to imagine for yourself. Was this your punishment for all your wrongdoings? Had you survived for so long only to have it end here in the Canadian woods?

"Stay there!"

You looked up and saw Jaehyun only a few meters away whose voice had pulled you out of your trance-like state. 

Between you and him was the snake, and right behind you, the cliff. No, your father had calculated all of this. He had sent someone to protect you. Jaehyun would protect you and make sure you survived out here.

You didn’t know how he would do that though, and for a moment, you doubted whether Jaehyun knew either. The snake didn’t seem to pay any attention to him, and Jaehyun was searching his surroundings for something. Then, he picked up a large stick. Perhaps he knew exactly what to do. Of course - he used to be a Marine. They were trained for every danger imaginable.

"I'll try to lure it away from you and then you'll come running to me, okay?"

You shook your head, the only body part that was not petrified with shock. "I can't!"

"Yes, you can!" Jaehyun encouraged you. "Look, it's moving in my direction!"

It wasn’t, really. Jaehyun was trying to get the snake to coil around the stick, but it consistently refused. Whenever you even dared to breathe, the snake’s head shot back at you, hissing predatorily as if it had singled you out and would strike by any means necessary.

With one hand, Jaehyun fiddled with the wood stick, the other reached out to you. "Come! You can do it! Come here!"

You finally gathered the courage to reach for Jaehyun’s hand, and even though there was still a wide gap between you, the mere thought of jumping into his arms eased your fears a little. You tensed your legs, preparing to lunge forward and jump. But the snake was faster.

It struck the moment you lifted your right foot, and out of reflex, you jumped back - only to find no ground beneath you to catch your weight. There was no barrier, no support. Your chest hit the hard rock as you fell forward, knocking the air from your lungs. Before you could catch your breath again, you slipped backward.

Everything happened so fast, you didn't even have time to scream for help. Half of your body was still on top of the rock, your hands desperately clawing for anything to hold onto. But the surface was smooth and dirty, and your fingernails ached and split from trying to dig them into the hard stone. The lower part of your body, the much heavier one, was slowly pulling you down with your legs already dangling in the air above the cliff.

Centimeter for centimeter, you quickly slipped backward over the edge on your chest before you could bring yourself to scream, "Jaehyun!"

You should have listened to him. Jaehyun knew better, he always had. But your haughty, spoiled nature had never accepted a “no”. And now you were paying the price as your entire body slid over the edge, your hands the only parts still clinging to solid ground for one last second. You now only wished it wouldn't hurt when you fell into the deep valley.

"I got you!" 

A strong hand wrapped around your wrist before your fingers could follow your body into a free fall, and above you, Jaehyun's head appeared. He held you with one arm while bracing the other against the ground, lying flat. 

"Don't look down! Hold onto me!"

You swung your free hand up and grabbed Jaehyun’s forearm, securing better stability. With great effort, he pulled you up - slowly, but steadily. Your feet searched for hollows in the rock to shift some weight back onto yourself, but Jaehyun was strong enough to lift you all the way with one arm alone. When most of your body had passed the stony edge, you propped your free elbow against the ground and heaved yourself over the last part until you felt secure soil under your body again. 

Then, you were sitting there in absolute silence. Face to face, breathless, and still in shock over what had just happened. When the emotions finally crashed down on you and the painful realization hit that you would have nearly died if it hadn’t been for Jaehyun, you started crying and collapsed into his arms, causing him to fall backward onto the ground. But you didn’t care, and neither did he. You sobbed into his chest, but said nothing, and neither did he. 

After a while, you felt the same hands that had rescued you wrap around your back in comfort. It was the best feeling you had experienced in a very, very long time.

You didn't know for how long you had laid there as a thought suddenly crossed your mind. "The snake!" you called out nearly breathlessly from all the crying and sat back up, Jaehyun's arms slipping from your back. "Where is it? Is it gone?"

"Hey…"

"Hm?" You looked back at Jaehyun who was still lying on the ground.

"I think it's gone. We were lucky this time."

You frowned as you watched him. He didn't move, but only looked at you with glassy eyes and half parted lips. You wondered if the paleness in Jaehyun’s face was mirroring the aftermath of the events or caused by something entirely else. You had never seen Jaehyun like this.

"We should go," you suggested unsurely, because you didn’t know what else to say. "Get up."

But Jaehyun didn't. Instead, his pupils turned towards the sky, beads of sweat now forming on his temples. "Taeyong… Come home with me."

"Jaehyun…" You gulped. "Who's Taeyong?"

But he didn't listen to you. You were unsure if he had even heard you as he continued speaking, "Doyoung, you too. Come home with me. I don't… wanna be alone."

You had no idea what was going on with Jaehyun, but you were certain that this was not normal and it made you nearly freak out again. Was Jaehyun having hallucinations? Did he need to take medicine he had missed out on?

"Jaehyun!" You crawled closer to him, settling again by his side and shaking his arm. "Jaehyun, what's wrong?"

"I don't… want to be the only one left," he only murmured, still not facing you. "I don't deserve it."

"Jaehyun…" you pleaded, jolting more intensely on his arm now. "Jaehyun, you're scaring me! What's wrong?"

Suddenly, his eyes locked with yours. "It hurts…"

"You're hurt? Where?"

"Leg…"

You instantly shifted your attention to Jaehyun's legs, but you found no signs of external wounds as you inspected his pants. Under other circumstances, it would set your mind at ease. But this was Jaehyun and he didn’t joke around. It turned even clearer that he was suffering from something by the way his breathing suddenly became jagged and his right leg started twitching.

You heard the blood rush in your ears as you pulled up Jaehyun’s pant leg. You gasped for air as Jaehyun’s shin revealed two red dots slowly oozing blood. No… this couldn’t be.

You wanted to cry out from sheer despair. What was worse than losing your own life was losing Jaehyun. You were nothing without him, you couldn't survive without him. You needed him.

You took a deep breath and lifted Jaehyun’s leg, placing the sole on the ground so it formed a triangle for better access. You then wrapped your hands around the bitten area and brought your mouth to his injury. You had no idea what you were doing as you had only seen this in movies, but you figured it was better to try something to save his life than do nothing at all.

You squeezed your eyes shut as your lips met Jaehyun’s injured flesh and sucked on the wound, trying to draw out as much poison as possible. You nearly cried again when nothing came out, but you didn’t give up. Relief washed over you when you finally tasted the metallic tang of blood on your tongue. Spitting it onto the ground beside you, you repeated the process several times until your cheeks ached and nothing more would come out.

But Jaehyun didn't look much better than before. If anything, you swore he looked even worse. Had you even done the right thing? You were not so sure anymore and cursed yourself out for the fact that you might have probably worsened his condition.

Your location was not too far from the car. You just didn't know where the next hospital was and whether Jaehyun would last for so long.

But you couldn’t lose him.

____

October, Yukon, Canada

You arrived at the hospital two hours later. Under normal circumstances, it would have taken you one hour if only you had still remembered how to drive such a big, manual car. On top of that, it had taken you three interactions with locals to find the nearest hospital as the map Jaehyun had been using only had roads on it. 

"Have you tried sucking the venom out of him?" the doctor asked while the nurse freed Jaehyun from his garments. He was lying on a bed in the emergency room, having passed out by now.

"Y-yeah," you quietly admitted.

"Never do that!" he chided forgivingly, but assertively. "It doesn't benefit the injured in any way. If anything, it can cause the venom to spread even faster."

You covered your mouth with two hands and swallowed down a cry. "But will he be okay, doctor?"

"He's a tall man who can take a lot. He'll be fine. But now, please take a step back so that we can treat him. You can return to the waiting area. Someone will come to you later."

He would be okay… the doctor said he would be okay. There was barely a time in your life where you had gone through so many emotions within such a short time span.

Now, you wanted to cry again, because you were so happy that Jaehyun was going to live. You wondered when your attitude towards him had changed so drastically though. Most likely, when you spent so much time with one person only, it was inevitable after all. 

But… did you like him as a person or were you dependent on him? Did both feelings go hand in hand or should you look at them individually? You couldn't find an answer to this thought yet.

It was a small hospital, so there were only three other people present. After a quick wash up in the visitors' restrooms to get rid of all the dust and dirt as best as possible, you returned to the waiting area. You took a seat with your cold hands slipped into the pockets of your jacket when you suddenly felt it. The strawberry chapstick. 

You hadn't used it once, because it was your most valuable treasure and you didn't want to waste it. Yet, you were carrying it around with you wherever you went. It was odd how coming from a wealthy family, your most meaningful belonging had suddenly turned into strawberry chapstick from the gas station.

But it was because Jaehyun had given it to you, a silver lining when you had gone through dark times. Without Jaehyun, even that would be gone. Tears slipped from the rims of your eyes again.

"Dear, here." You hadn't noticed how an elderly lady had moved herself next to you, holding out a tissue for you to take. You took it gratefully with a nod. "I heard what happened to him. Don't worry, your boyfriend will be fine."

"What if not? It's all because of me.." You wiped your tears, but they returned in an instant. Since you couldn't reveal your identity, you just went with whatever she assumed you were. "I… I don't know what I will do without him."

The lady nodded. "I understand. But don't cry too much. You wouldn't want him to be all worried about you when he walks out of the treatment room, right?"

Even though her advice was so simple and a bit silly since she was unaware of your entire history together, you just nodded quietly. Just imagining Jaehyun's confused face when he spotted you crying for him outside here was enough for you to feign a smile for the woman.

You continued talking until you stopped crying altogether and she left the hospital. You were too nervous to nap, and only very few people came in and out throughout the day. Your gaze eventually stopped on the side table that you had been trying to ignore for too long already. 

Should you dare take a look into the magazines and newspapers scattered there? Perhaps, you would find some articles about your family inside them now. But what difference would it make? Yet, your curiosity won in this weak moment and you walked over to the reception to take a newspaper into your hands.

It was brand new, only having been released today, but you didn’t find an article about your family inside it. Unfortunately, the tabloids hadn’t changed issues yet, so they were the same as the ones you had inspected at the gas station. 

You didn't know how to feel about this. The less they reported about the incident, the better it would be for your family's safety. Perhaps, your dad had instructed for a media blackout after the initial news. 

But what if this wasn't the case and your family was just less relevant than you had ever assumed… Would that be it? Just a single article in a nationwide newspaper, then falling into irrelevancy, because there were things more worth being reported if you didn't top the daily scandal list? Did hard work and success not matter to the world? 

Was this the life you had been living up until now and wanted to return to?

____

"Miss?" … "Miss."

You jolted upright, realizing you had apparently fallen asleep earlier. In front of you stood a nurse, and judging by the lighting in the hall, it was well past late afternoon. How long had you slept?

The nurse smiled at you. "We gave your boyfriend an antidote and he is stable now."

"Thank god!" you called out with much relief. "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

She nodded. "We need you to fill out this form about him since we have to keep him here until tomorrow for observation. If you want, you can go to him now."

"Yes, I want to!"

You took the clipboard and paper into your hands and followed the nurse into the treatment area, heading for the bed in the far corner of the large room. The nurse pulled back the curtain, revealing Jaehyun sleeping on the bed. He looked so peaceful after everything that had happened. You had never seen him like that.

"You can sit here, miss." The nurse rolled a small chair in your direction and gave you a pen. "He will wake up soon."

You looked at the form pinned to the clipboard. You couldn't answer any of these questions except for the one about his first name. You didn't know Jaehyun's surname, his address, his health insurance, his blood type… You didn't even know if he had any diseases or what he was allergic to. 

You knew absolutely nothing about Jaehyun. It was devastating for two people forced to be this close.

"Here, take this cream too." The nurse approached you once again and handed you a white tube. "His scars seem to hurt very much lately since they're relatively recent, right? We've treated them too, but this will help him ease the pain at home. Please tell him to get them checked regularly to avoid further inflammation."

Jaehyun had been in pain this whole time? You hadn’t noticed. Or he had been hiding it very well. But you should have known since you had fought the same battle when you were much younger. Yet, you hadn’t seen it - or hadn’t wanted to. 

This was another deep, hidden part of Jaehyun that you were completely clueless about. You didn’t want to continue your acquaintanceship like this. After all, you were now sitting here next to his hospital bed, waiting for him to regain his consciousness when you could also just leave him here, steal his car, and drive all the way home by yourself. But you had chosen differently.

He had rescued you, because he needed to. You had rescued him, because you needed him. But Jaehyun had given you the chapstick, because he wanted to. And now you were sitting here, because you wanted to.

You stretched out your hand and placed it on Jaehyun’s. But before you had time to think about why you were even doing that, his fingers wrapped around your wrist and pulled you down toward him. Jaehyun looked at you with widened eyes. 

"You're awake!” you exclaimed. “I will call the nur-"

"No!" Jaehyun had apparently picked up on his surroundings quite quickly as you watched his expression change from confusion to near terror. "We have to go!"

"What?" Jaehyun tried to prop himself up, but you pushed him back on the bed. "Are you nuts?! You nearly died a few hours ago, the venom could still do something to your body! You have to stay under observation here!"

"It's too dangerous!" he hissed. "Did you talk to anyone? Did you give out your name? My name? Any other information?"

"Of course not!" you defended yourself. "Do you really think I'd be this reckless?" You kept the fact hidden that even if you needed to give out life saving information, you weren't able to provide them with any.

"Good. Then let's go. Hurry."

Jaehyun braced himself up with great effort, letting out a low groan, but you didn’t say a word - even though there was so much you wanted to say. You were aware of the dangers of being in public, but you were willing to take the risk as long as Jaehyun was completely healthy. He, however, didn’t share your opinion. You slipped the scar cream into your pocket and left the form on the chair as Jaehyun climbed down from the bed.

He was a bit weak on his feet, but he refused the support you offered. Step by step, Jaehyun was walking slowly, growing steadier the further he went. You were quite certain that what you were doing wasn't exactly legal, leaving the hospital without any information to charge you for the treatments when everyone had been so nice to you here. 

Back in the car, Jaehyun insisted on driving, even though you offered to do so yourself.

"Will it be okay with the CCTV here?" you asked worriedly. "I'm sorry, I didn't pay attention to this when driving here."

"I just left one thousand Canadian Dollars on the bed. In cash. They'll let this one slip."

You didn't even ask where he had hid such a large amount of cash all this time. It sure as hell was from your father and intended to be spent on such emergencies. 

Jaehyun didn't start the car immediately despite having pushed you to leave so urgently. He sat there in the driver's seat, silent and thinking for a long time. And you let him.

"Thank you," he finally said, his eyes fixated on the steering wheel. "Without you, I'd be dead."

You shook your head. "No. Without you, I'd be dead."

There was a faint smile on his lips. "Let's just say we're even now. So, are you ready for the last part of our journey?"

"We'll be there soon?"

"Assuming we're in Watson Lake now, then by tomorrow, we’ll be at our destination, yes."

You had been convinced that you wouldn't miss the time on the road. But now that you thought about the end of it, it was not only happy feelings seeping into you. You didn’t know whether the new life in the woods would be better than the one on the road after all.

When Jaehyun drove into the sunset though, the road stretching endlessly in your periphery and vanishing between a mountain range, living in nature didn't sound as disheartening anymore. If this would continue being your daily view, it was manageable.

Perhaps, you would come to endure this new chapter. Just for a little while.

____

October, Alaska, USA

You had never seen a land this breathtakingly beautiful before. Your gaze was practically glued to the window as you watched the mountain range roll past, vibrant forests spreading at their feet, rising gradually until they gave way to gray rocks, which converged and ended on snow-covered peaks merging with the blue sky. 

You had never felt so small in the face of such majestic nature. The city couldn't compare to this. 

Jaehyun had driven through the entire night, but at a much slower pace than usual due to his condition. You had passed the border back into the US by sunrise, and because you expected to reach your destination soon, Jaehyun insisted on pushing through the final stretch of the drive. 

It had gotten incredibly cold, the temperature dropping constantly the further you approached your destination. Even now, you were freezing, wearing the thickest layers Jaehyun had packed. You hoped there would be some kind of heat source in the cabin, because otherwise you wouldn’t know how to survive the Alaskan winter. 

You read "Skagway" on a street sign, but Jaehyun didn't follow the main road. Instead, he turned onto a smaller one that ran parallel to a river, then swerved onto an unpaved road that disappeared into a dark forest. From there, you drove a few hours more through the deepest woods.

Somewhere along the way, you totally lost orientation. Everything looked the same to you. You didn't dare ask whether Jaehyun himself knew where you exactly were, but you silently agreed to trust him. He had never been wrong so far.

"We're here."

The road had suddenly ended. 

You wondered whether it had been forged and only used by Jaehyun himself, very certain nobody would follow an unpaved, narrow road into the deep, dark woods for hours. You unclasped the seat belt and got out of the car after Jaehyun. 

Outside, his wooden cabin stood right in a small clearing that barely deserved its name, because the trees were so tall and dense that hardly any sunshine made it through. They surrounded the cabin like a cage, as if it had been dropped there first and the forest had grown around it. The thick woods offered visual security from any curious intruder. It was a place very well chosen if you wanted to hide from the world.

"How did you find this place, Jaehyun?"

"You can find a lot of great places when you read maps right."

You approached the wooden cabin. It was just as small as a general studio in New York City in the lower price class, judging by the exterior. You spotted a window right under the pointed roof. It seemingly consisted of two floors, so it was indeed bigger inside than you had first assumed.

"I warn you though," Jaehyun said when he opened the door and entered first. "There is no electricity and running water here yet. I plan to install a generator later on though."

"I don't mind," you shrugged it off. Electricity and running water… you hadn't thought about these things at all when you had always assumed they were so essential for you. "It's fine for me as long as I’ll be warm in the winter.”

“Don’t worry, there is a fireplace.”

“What a relief to hear!”

Only minimal light from outside found its way into the cabin, making it hard for you to take in your surroundings first. But as you stepped fully inside and your eyes slowly adjusted to the dimness, you realized you were standing in a living room with a couch facing the mentioned fireplace. A small kitchen nook was nestled at the back of the room, partly hidden by small stairs that disappeared on the second floor. By the wall downstairs, between the kitchen and fireplace, you spotted a table with two chairs and a dresser close by. 

Of course it was simple and nothing in comparison to what you had at home, but it was very cozy as everything was made of wood, and it would be warm. You would have a comfortable place to sleep. It was enough. You walked over to the dresser to inspect what was inside, eyeing Jaehyun for permission. 

"The first two drawers are all for you to use, I've already stored a few clothes for you inside. Take a look." Jaehyun nodded. "The last one's mine."

You opened the drawer and found a few shirts, sweaters, trousers, leggins, socks and even underwear inside - all in your exact size. In the second drawer, Jaehyun had placed towels, a thick puffer jacket, a beanie, a scarf, gloves, and sanitary products. It was very attentive, you had to give him that. 

But how long had they been planning this for him to have had so much time to prepare? It must have been at least two weeks prior to the news, likely even more. Had your father lived in fear for at least just as long?

"I guess upstairs is the bedroom?" You pointed at the stairs.

Jaehyun nodded. "It's all yours, I won't step a foot inside. I'll sleep on the couch."

You climbed the narrow stairs and found yourself in another cozy space beneath the roof, just large enough to fit a queen size bed. The ceiling was so low that you couldn’t stand upright across the room and had to duck as you moved. A tiny window set into the slope of the roof offered a view of the sky when one lay on the bed. The space was clearly meant for just one person.

When you returned downstairs, Jaehyun was already unloading the car. You helped him with the rest of the things, storing your clothes in the first drawer inside the dresser and your toiletries in the second one. Since it was generally quite dark inside the cabin, you lit up a few oil lamps while Jaehyun was kneeling by the fireplace, arranging the logs before striking a match. 

"Where is the bathroom?" The moment you asked this question almost distractedly, you already regretted it. So you quickly added, "If there is one I could describe as such."

Jaehyun had just managed to start the fire when he got back on his feet and told you, "Follow me." 

Indeed, right behind the cabin, there was an outhouse. "There is no drainage, so…"

You hadn’t expected more anyway. You would manage after the past week. "I get it."

"Come, I’ll show you where we will get water from." 

It was only a few meters before you heard the rushing of a stream that was hidden behind dense trees. It was wide enough to cross in a few steps, but also deep enough to bathe in, Jaehyun told you. 

"In the winter, we can heat the water on the stove which runs on gas. I'll show you how to use it later."

Despite having no electricity yet, you didn't feel as remote or cut off as you had expected. In fact, you might have even considered this a holiday destination if you had to choose a place where you could do some social media detox. 

Social media… Here, it meant nothing. Posting something irrelevant wouldn't have brought Jaehyun back if he had succumbed to the venom. Scrolling through unfunny videos for hours wouldn't have brought him back. Reading every scandalous article about you wouldn't have brought him back either. What was it good for, anyway?

"All the food is stored in these cabinets," Jaehyun instructed and opened their doors for you to look at. "And down here on the left side too. On the right side, I have the pots and dishes stored." 

There was one pair of each. Plates, bowls, cups, cutlery. You furrowed your brows. 

"Who built this cabin, Jaehyun?"

He tilted his head in confusion. "Me, it’s mine after all. Why?"

You were even more confused than him. "You mean… you brought all the stuff here and built this cabin entirely yourself?"

"Yes." He shrugged. "Of course I didn't do all the work here. I prepared everything elsewhere and just set it up here, part by part."

Why did he talk like it was the easiest task in the world, building a house all by himself? "How long did this take you?"

"Approximately a year."

"What did you do before?"

"I told you, I was a Marine."

"For how long have you known you'd need to provide me with shelter? When did my father hire you?"

"What are you up to with these questions?" Jaehyun shook his head and took out a can with instant ravioli from the shelf that had been there before your arrival. "If you want to know anything about your father's business, I cannot tell you. Not because I don't want to, but because I don't know myself."

"But surely, you must benefit from this deal, right? Is my father greatly rewarding you with a large sum?"

Jaehyun fell silent and instead filled the ravioli in a small pot that he then placed on the stove. He had already begun stirring when he admitted, "Of course I don’t do this for free, but I don’t need much money as I don't intend on leaving this place, ever."

You already had a feeling that it was going to be like this. "Will my father come here when everything is settled?"

"Nobody knows about this place."

Your chest suddenly felt heavy. "But you said my father knows where to find us.”

Since Jaehyun had turned his back at you, stirring in the pot, you felt unsettled as he didn’t answer directly.

Eventually, he said, "I meant we have agreed on a location to meet up when the time is right."

“And how would you know the date when you don’t have a phone to contact each other?”

Jaehyun shifted his head back to you. His eyes were sincere, but why did the heavy feeling refuse to go away? “Please be at ease, we have it all figured out. Trust us.”

There was no reason not to. Right? Yet, the heavy feeling stayed in the back of your chest. 

____

You couldn't remember falling asleep. Probably because you had slept in a rather uncomfortable car seat for too long, the moment your back touched a soft mattress, your entire body immediately shut down. The warmth from the fireplace had traveled all the way upstairs, so you were very comfortable during the first half of the night, despite Jaehyun having extinguished the fire before you went to bed.

But the cold night air had crept in through every crack and crevice in the wood. Condensation had formed on the lower part of the window, the glass fogged when you looked up. Yet, you could still make out the gray morning sky filtering through the dense canopy of trees. It was a nice view to wake up to.

You made your way downstairs, but Jaehyun wasn't in the living space anymore. You put on your jacket and opened the front door. Outside, Jaehyun had prepared a pair of padded shoes for you that fit you perfectly and into which you now slipped with a small bottle of water, a towel and toiletries in both hands. You made your way down to the stream.

Jaehyun was already there - topless, only dressed in trousers, and body halfway immersed in the water. Your front teeth sank into your bottom lip. You couldn't explain why you suddenly didn't feel so frozen to the bone anymore.

"Aren't you cold?" you called out to him. "It's freezing out here!"

"It's good for your health," Jaehyun answered and shook his head so that the water flew in every direction. "You should try it too!"

You declined. Instead, you crouched on the riverbank and began brushing your teeth. After rinsing with the bottled water, you washed your face and dried it with the towel. Jaehyun approached you once you were finished, and you didn’t know where to look, trying to keep him from noticing that your gaze now lingered on his muscular chest and arms far too long.

"How did you sleep?" Jaehyun wanted to know. "Was everything okay?"

"I slept well. How about you?"

You had directly noticed that the couch was way too short for Jaehyun. Of course, because he had planned on sleeping on the bed on the upper floor all along. But it was currently inhabited by no one other than you. 

"I also slept well."

Liar. From afar already, you had seen him twisting and turning his head, massaging his shoulders, and using the water to soothe his tense muscles. Having him sleep on the couch for the entirety of your stay couldn't be the solution. It was actually you who was supposed to sleep there, but you felt like he kind of owed it to you. At least a few nights in a real bed after everything you had been through.

You reached your hand into the pocket of your jacket and pulled out the tube with the cream that had been given to you by the nurse. "This is for you. The nurse saw your scars. You were in pain this entire time. Why didn't you tell me?"

Jaehyun took the tube and eyed it suspiciously, but he didn't reject it as you had falsely presumed. You swore you saw his features softening in relief even. "It's none of your concern."

But you pressed the topic anyway. "Did it happen on duty? Is that the reason why you’re not in the Marine Corps anymore?" A nearly unnoticeable nod for which you rewarded him with a confession of your own. "Mine happened when I was little. Clearly, you've seen them too."

Jaehyun turned his head away, and admittedly quietly, "Yes. But you don't have to tell me your story as I won't tell you mine."

"That's fine, I will anyway. Just in case one day, you decide you want to talk." You smiled meekly, waiting for him to hold you back, but he didn't. "I was in a car accident with my mom when I was around twelve years old. That day, I was throwing a tantrum, because I didn't want to go to school, but my mom had already dropped my younger sister off. It was usually our live-in nanny's job, but she was sick that day and my mom had to take over her duties as no one else was available on such a short notice. She didn't know how to handle my tantrums, so she just gave in and drove to a mall with me instead. She bought me so much stuff, it was the best day of my life. Until now, even." You paused to take a deep breather. "We watched a movie in the cinema and she got me every plushy I wanted. And ice cream. Really, a lot of ice cream. We went back to the car to pick up my sister from elementary school in the afternoon, but we never made it there. She collided with a truck. Our car was flipped and they had trouble getting us out. They took me first before our vehicle caught fire. My mom didn't stand a chance."

You watched Jaehyun's Adam's apple move. He was still avoiding eye contact, but he had listened. That was enough for you. 

"The oatmeal you made every morning, with the cinnamon and sugar… She also made it for me on the weekends. And on that fateful day." You threw your towel at him so that he could properly dry his hair. "I'll go back now. Don't forget to use the cream."

Back inside the cabin, you took a package of oats from the kitchen cabinet and began heating it on the stove with water. The oatmeal was almost done when Jaehyun returned as well.

"You can already sit down, breakfast is ready now."

But instead, Jaehyun moved over to the kitchen area and stood close by you when you removed the pot from the stove. You expected him to offer help with setting up the table as otherwise you couldn't come up with a believable reason as to why he would be right in your space.

"You do it for me,” he suddenly demanded.

"What?"

Jaehyun held out the tube to you and repeated, "You do it for me."

You usually didn't struggle with reservations when it came down to touching people, especially men. You loved touching men, as a matter of fact. You regarded them as very attractive humans, and Jaehyun certainly was no exception. But you were reserved with touching Jaehyun, because you feared you might cross a line that had probably been crossed quite a while ago already. Slowly, without you consciously acknowledging every step of it.

You took the tube in your hand and Jaehyun turned around, lifting his shirt. Your fingers brushed against the scars that peeked out from his trousers. He pulled the fabric of his pants down slightly, just enough for you to reach a larger area of scars. Good. You wouldn’t have gone any further anyway.

Carefully, you squeezed some cream on your fingers. When you touched Jaehyun's scars, he shivered a little due to the sensitivity, but didn't back away. He stood still, waiting for you to cover the entire area that was visible. While he was not shaking, you did instead, a flush of heat suddenly striking you. You didn’t know where it had suddenly come from, and now lingered even. 

"I got them in the same way as you when I tried to crawl out of a burning vehicle," Jaehyun explained to your surprise. "I wasn't fast enough and my leg got caught up in the flames." It was apparent that there was more to the story he wasn't ready to talk about just yet. You would leave it to him to decide how far to go. "I'm sorry for what happened to you."

Because there was more to your story as well. "Me too."

You watch the cream getting absorbed into his skin while closing the tube. Jaehyun then pulled his shirt over his wounds. "Let's eat. I'll then make a fire again since you must be cold."

He was wrong about that. Somehow, you still felt very warm. Especially when Jaehyun took out the cinnamon and sugar and put it on your oatmeal as a topping again. It made you so happy, yet so sad at the same time. The  feeling nearly choked you.

____

You awoke later that day to dull blows coming from outside in an irregular rhythm. Apparently, you had accidentally fallen asleep on the couch in front of the fireplace, which was now warming the entire cabin. You propped yourself up on the cushion and struggled with orientation at first.

When you peeked out of the window, you spotted Jaehyun chopping wood only in a t-shirt. Reality struck you at that moment. This was not a hotel, not a holiday residency, and certainly not your city home where you always had staff taking care of such mundane tasks. This was a hideout. There was no electricity here yet, no running water. You shouldn't just lie around, sleeping and doing nothing.

You put on your jacket, slipped into the boots and opened the front door. "Is there something I can help you with?" you asked Jaehyun.

He paused, wiped his glistening forehead with the back of his hand, and looked straight at you. "Maybe, you can carry some water from the stream up here. Boil it and then pour it into the canister in the kitchen, so we’ll always have fresh water to use for the day."

You nodded. "Where do I find a bucket?"

"Behind the cabin where the other tools are."

"Alright."

Behind the house, in a cabinet attached to the outer wall, you found tools as Jaehyun had described. Above the cabinet, he had stacked logs for the fireplace. Inside it, there were different sized buckets, an entire toolbox, a broom, a spare gas cylinder for the kitchen and other useful instruments. You reached for the bucket, but then halted.

Stunned, your eyes fell on something you hadn't expected you would need here. It was a pair of handcuffs. But not the silly toy ones. No, the real ones used by the police. You would know, because you'd been arrested more than once already. 

You wanted to give Jaehyun the benefit of doubt. He would be outside here all alone. Of course he needed something to defend himself with, that was why he was also storing a rifle and a gun inside the house as you had discovered before. 

But the handcuffs… it was not the same. They were outside as though he had purposely hidden them from you. And this was not all. Next to it, you found duct tape and a rope.

If you wouldn't know it better, you could swear these were the tools one would use to keep a prisoner. You tried to reason this discovery with the fact that Jaehyun needed to fend off intruders if someone ever stumbled close to his hideout. It was the only explanation you could come up with that didn't include you. Because you were here and you were free. Weren’t you?

But you couldn't shake off the feeling that everything could be entirely different as well. That if these accidents hadn't happened a few days back in Canada, you wouldn't have simply accepted life here. And what would have happened then? What would happen if you ever tried to run away? Would he stop you? And if, how? With these tools?

"Did you find it?"

Jaehyun's head popped up from around the corner and you quickly closed the cabinet. "Y-yeah! I-I'll go now!"

"Good. Call me when you need help."

You nodded and made your way down to the stream once again. It took you three walks back and forth, putting the water into the largest bowl to boil it and then fill it into the canister each time. After that, you swept the fireplace, cleaned the entire cabin from the second floor to the last corner in the kitchen and went back to the stream again to wash some clothes.

There was much time to think about what you had discovered in the outside cabinet. But as you came back from the stream with a bucket full of freshly washed clothes, you found Jaehyun standing by the stove, preparing dinner.

"I found some mushrooms nearby, so today's dinner will be fresh."

He sounded so proud of himself, and the tense features you had been wearing the entire day softened. No he wouldn't hurt you. He had never intended to. Those tools were only safety measurements, never to be used against you.

You trusted him.

____

"Is this one edible?"

You held a brown mushroom out to Jaehyun who inspected it quite carefully. 

He had approached you earlier that day, suggesting that you go collect mushrooms with him as it was the middle of the high season. The mere thought of only eating canned food for months on end had been convincing enough for you to put on your jacket and boots, and follow Jaehyun deeper into the surrounding woods.

You had spent a few days in the cabin already, but to your surprise, you hadn't grown bored yet. Somehow, there was always something to do, especially now that the coldest season was upon you. 

Jaehyun was chopping and storing as much wood as he could find, and you usually helped with collecting the logs the first half of the day. He had already warned you that winter was going to be especially hard for many, many weeks - months even. There was a chance you wouldn’t be able to leave the house if you got snowed in. 

You hadn’t dared to ask how you would be reunited with your father then. You had already, though reluctantly, accepted that you would spend the entire winter here in the Alaskan woods.

"Yes, it's edible," Jaehyun declared and let you put the mushroom in the basket.

"How about these?" You wandered to a bush that harbored dark berries. "These are blueberries, am I right?"

"Yes," Jaehyun confirmed. "But what will you do with them? They won't last long inside."

"We could make some jam and put them in our breakfast. We cannot make bread as we don't have an oven, but putting it into oatmeal is just as good."

"Sounds delicious." Though his expression didn't give it away, Jaehyun sounded content and earnest.

You wondered if you would ever encounter the day where you found Jaehyun smiling brightly out of sheer happiness. 

There had been a few moments when you thought he was close to it, but something always held him back. As though, at the last possible moment, he reminded himself that he wasn't allowed to feel the slightest touch of genuine happiness. 

You knew that feeling all too well. It had taken you many years to accept the fact that you being happy wouldn't have changed your mother's fate. In fact, nothing you did after her death would have changed her fate. So you started doing whatever you wanted.

"Stop."

Jaehyun suddenly held you back, the rifle in his hand clicking. He had intended on bringing it along in case something happened or you accidentally ran into someone… or something. You were in the wilderness after all, he had warned you. There were bears, wolves and moose running around.

"Is there a bear?!" you whispered hurriedly, petrified with fear.

"No." Jaehyun brought the rifle close to him, steadying it. "But a deer."

"You want to shoot a deer?!" You faced him, shocked. "Why would you shoot an innocent deer?!"

"Don't you want fresh meat for dinner?"

"That's no reason to shoot a deer! The majority of the meat would only go to waste since we don't have the storage to keep it frozen. Its death would be… for vain. "

"The other animals would eat the rest."

You shook your head, expression stern. "Is that how you handled it in the Marine Corps?"

"Yes. How else would we survive in the wilderness with only a backpack and no roof over the dead?"

"Well, not with me here now." You made Jaehyun lower his rifle. "It shouldn't die only for us to feed on it for one or two days."

"And what should we eat then? Our provisions will last us throughout the entire winter, but only if we use them sparsely. It will be good to stock up on food since we'll run out of mushrooms as well once the season has ended."

"There are…" You gulped as you weren't too much of a fan of this idea, but you needed to live through the harshest season, he was right about that. "Rabbits and squirrels. They are also active during winter, and they populate a lot and fast. Wouldn't they be enough?"

Jaehyun seemed to thoroughly think about your suggestion, and he came to the conclusion that it wasn’t an idea to push aside in an instant. "That should do it. But I am by no means a good shooter when it comes to small… targets. Perhaps, there is a chance of fifty-fifty. When I miss a target though, I will scare away all the remaining animals as well, and we might end up with nothing at all."

You drew your brows together, thinking of a solution. "Then what about traps? Like… small animal traps for the outside."

Jaehyun looked at you, perhaps in an impressed way? You couldn't exactly tell. "And you know how to build one?"

You grimaced. "I thought you would know… okay fine. I'll come up with something that will work." And quieter, you added, "Hopefully. Come on."

Back in the cabin, you directly went to work on the said trap. It took you all afternoon, weighing the options and replaying every possible scenario in your head. You had never done something like this before and you didn't possess more than the usual crafting skills of a person not trained in that field. But you had a very vivid fantasy.

It was already getting dark when you presented your first prototype to Jaehyun. Behind the outhouse, a little deeper in the woods, you had built a construction from three sticks that formed a triangle when you looked at them from above. Two of them were fixed in the ground on opposite sides. Between these two sticks, you had attached a bucket, partially supported by the pressure from each side. The third stick extended into the bucket, about a third of its length from the front. All three sticks were additionally tied together with a string. On the ground, right under the bucket, you had scattered some blueberries.

"Since the sticks are tied together, a rabbit getting lured under the basket by the blueberries means it will tug on the strings, causing all the sticks to collapse. The rabbit will get trapped inside the bucket that came down due to the pressure taken from it. Quite genius, isn't it? I've tried out a few methods, and this was simplest, but the most effective."

No praise. But you hadn’t gotten your hopes up in the first place. "Will it work though?"

"It will, just so you wait!"

But you found nothing in the trap the next day. And neither on the day after that. 

Jaehyun didn't say a word, but you felt his reproachful gaze on your back whenever you passed the area as though he silently signalized you, "Told you so!"

On the third day, though…

"Well…" You stood in front of the trap with your arms crossed in front of your chest, beaming proudly. "It worked after all. Thank you for the sacrifice, little rabbit."

Jaehyun stayed quiet even then. But you saw it right there, on his face. 

A tug of a smile.

____

November, Alaska, USA

Autumn passed in the blink of an eye, and it grew even colder.

The next month, you were greeted by trees gradually shedding their colorful leaves and frost every morning that sometimes the sun couldn’t even melt. But Jaehyun refused to leave the fireplace on overnight due to the risks. He also forbade you from switching sleeping places, so you still spent the nights in the bed while Jaehyun settled on the couch. All the complaining couldn’t make him change his mind, so you stopped asking eventually. 

Every day followed the same routine, sometimes mixed up. 

In the morning, you and Jaehyun met at the stream to wash up together. On other times, when it was too cold, you took the water from the canister in the kitchen and boiled it to wash yourself with instead. It was little compared to taking a shower or a whole bath, but still better than submerging in the freezing stream like Jaehyun. Breakfast followed when he returned to the cabin. 

After that, Jaehyun usually chopped wood while you went into the forest to collect everything you had learned was edible, as long as nature still provided it. A small lunch was eaten when you both met back in the cabin to take a short break. You then stayed inside to clean before you returned to the stream to do the laundry. In the meantime, Jaehyun handled all the work outside of the cabin to make it weatherproof. 

Jaehyun had additionally taught you how to fish and prepare the meat. Since you usually went hunting in the afternoon for dinner, you got to eat fresh meat almost every other day thanks to your traps that you constantly perfected and now worked on other small animals too - and Jaehyun never had to use his rifle.

The first snow fell halfway throughout the month. 

Luckily you had stocked up on everything you would need to survive for several days in case you were snowed in. You had exchanged your fall jacket for the thick puffer jacket already, never leaving the house without the hat and gloves anymore. You couldn't imagine how harsh winters were up here, especially in a wooden cabin. 

But you would get to know sooner than you had imagined.

____

The first day you were snowed in was one week after the first snowfall.

You woke up and couldn't see through the small roof window above you. The view was blocked by a thick layer of snow you had first mistaken for an animal having settled right there. By the noises coming from downstairs, you figured Jaehyun was still inside the house when he would usually be by the stream already.

"We're almost snowed in," he revealed to you.

You opened the door to confirm Jaehyun’s statement, but were met with a wall of snow that reached your hips. It looked solid, yet you didn’t want to risk it sliding into the cabin, so you quickly shut the door again.

"I still went to the trap last night and found a rabbit inside, so we will have meat for today at least," Jaehyun continued. "We will boil the snow to use as drinking water. Later, I will dig a way through the snow so that we will reach the outhouse, and maybe the other traps too. Otherwise, we can just hope that it will stop snowing soon. Luckily, it’s not that high."

"Is it possible it will be like this… for weeks?"

"Yes, it's possible if it continues snowing like this."

You had prepared everything for this kind of situation throughout the past weeks, stocking up on logs and other necessities. Yet, being right in the middle of it was quite intimidating. In New York city, you had never experienced such heavy snowfall to be locked inside for weeks. 

You went on about your day as usual, but by midday, you had run out of chores and things to do. For the first time, you wished you had your phone with you. Not to look yourself up or to text anyone, but to do something entertaining. There was nothing cozier than to cuddle up in front of a fireplace and watch a movie during a heavy snowfall. Cuddle up, though? You startled yourself. 

"Jaehyun, what's wrong with your scars?"

You were watching him change his clothes as he had gotten all wet from digging a path into the snow outside. His scars were burning red again and he scratched the back of his head, avoiding your piercing, questioning gaze.

"Perhaps, I got a little negligent about using the cream," he confessed.

You jumped up from the couch and hindered Jaehyun from putting on his shirt. He looked at you with much confusion. "Take off your pants and lie down."

"Pardon?"

"You heard me clear enough." You pointed with your index finger at the couch. "It's crucial for you to treat the wound in the early stages, so that you won't carry the pain and scars for too long. Trust me, I know."

"Maybe, I deserve it."

"You don’t deserve it. Whatever you did, whatever I did… we have to stop thinking this way. The scars are our punishment, so that we will be reminded of what we've been through for the rest of our lives. It's enough. You’re not a bad person, I know this now.”

"You think so?" Jaehyun asked, bitterness and guilt carrying his tone as it broke out of him, the entire truth. "I left my comrades and friends inside the vehicle to die while we were on our way back from a mission. I was the only one who was still physically able to get out of the overturned car after it had swung off the street and slipped down a slope. I was the driver, and everyone else was either unconscious or trapped. I wanted to get help, but when I had almost made it out, the flames erupted. I was outside, and they were still inside, despite me being the one who had caused the accident in the first place. How am I supposed to be punished enough for this?"

So that was how it was. "We got into that accident, because I was distracting my mom by whining about… about something I quickly forgot after that, because it was so trivial. My mom died, because I was just being a kid who didn't know it better. It wasn't on purpose. You also never wanted your friends to die. They knew that."

Pain flashed across Jaehyun's face, the most visible emotion you had ever seen him display. How much pain was he carrying of which he thought he deserved it? Did it come close to yours or was it much more, because the wounds were still so fresh?

You pointed at the couch again. Despite his initial reluctance, Jaehyun complied, stripped himself of his pants and lay down on the cushion in only his boxers. You grabbed the cream tube from the top of the drawer and knelled next to Jaehyun on the floor. He was placed on his stomach, his burnt side easier for you to reach like this. He had his arms folded in front of him and was resting his head on them, face turned away from you.

Jaehyun began speaking the moment you touched his thigh, "I was distracted too. Taeyong and Doyoung were arguing about something, and instead of paying attention to the street, I thought I knew it better and meddled. It was so trivial, I've now forgotten what the conflict was in the first place. That was a little more than a year ago. How did you get over it?"

You smiled mildly as you coated Jaehyun's red scars with cream. "Years of avoiding therapy, and eventually years of therapy. What helped me was changing my entire mindset. My mom loved me. She gave me the gift of life as she urged the firemen to save me first. She wouldn't want me to waste this gift just for a single minute."

"I wouldn't know what my friends thought or said," Jaehyun admitted quietly. "I only thought about escaping and getting help. I… didn’t look back before it was too late."

"Then think like this," you suggested. "There was a reason you were friends in the first place. You share the same mindset, the same values. You loved each other. If you had been in their situation, how would you feel? Would you encourage your only friend, who was able to escape, to leave the car and get help?"

Without hesitation, Jaehyun instantly exclaimed, "Of course!"

"And if that only friend intends to stay in the car for you, despite knowing the danger of this situation, despite knowing it's for vain, how would you feel?"

"Angry." Jaehyun gulped, his neck muscles tensing. "Angry at him for wasting his life when he has the chance to survive, even as the only person."

"Yes. You will never know what your friends thought exactly at the moment of the accident. Perhaps, everything was different for them. Perhaps, they had an entirely different perception of what had caused the accident. Our own feelings of guilt are possibly distorted, because we're the only survivors. We will never know for sure. But what we know is that if the situation was reversed and we were able to save them, then we would have done so, too. Because we love them. And that person should live life the best they can."

It was silent for a very long time and you focused on treating Jaehyun's entire area before he continued, "But everyone else blamed me for the accident. I was discharged with only a small amount of compensation with which I built this cabin here. Far away from where it happened."

"You want to run away," you concluded.

"I want to stay secluded. Somewhere where I cannot hurt anyone anymore."

"Then why take me with you?" you wanted to know, having finished tending to Jaehyun's wounds now. You closed the tube and pushed the topic, "Why didn't you come here alone? Why agree to all this in the first place? What did my father promise you if you didn't need money?"

A rustling, then a long sigh before Jaehyun lifted his head and turned it around to face you. "He offered me money, of course. Despite me not needing it, I must make sure my family back in my home country is taken care of as I cannot follow my initial profession anymore. It’s enough for them to live comfortably, that’s why I’m doing it."

You closed the tube, spreading the remaining cream between your fingers. "Do you regret having agreed on this deal with my father?"

It was a genuine smile that slowly grew on Jaehyun's lips. It was the first time you were able to witness it, and your heart nearly teared in happiness at the sight of him turning so sincere.

"You're not the worst company in the world."

____

December, Alaska, USA

Since that day, something inside Jaehyun had shifted. 

Naturally, it was impossible to achieve what had taken you years of therapy in such a short amount of time, but you were positive that if Jaehyun took every day for what it was, then he could discard his pain layer by layer and wouldn’t let it determine the greater part of his life anymore.

You noticed it in the way his footsteps carried less weight, his shoulders were a little less slumped and his eyes were a bit brighter. You liked it. Baby steps.

The snow stayed. 

On some days, the snow level was so high that Jaehyun had to dig a tunnel. On other days, you couldn’t go outside at all and somehow had to make do inside the cabin. By then, Jaehyun had long since given in and started a fire before going to sleep despite his earlier belief that it might be dangerous at night. Eventually, he had come to the conclusion that freezing to death was the only other option left you needed to avoid at all cost.

One day, you ran out of logs. 

The cabin grew so cold that you put on every piece of clothing you had, and it still wasn’t enough.

"Jaehyun," you called out into the night when you were lying in bed, watching the night sky through the window above you. A white cloud formed in front of your mouth when you called out once again, "Jaehyun!"

"What?" he finally answered from downstairs.

"Are you not cold?"

"No."

Liar. The spare blanket was much thinner than the one you were using that was initially supposed to be his. There was no possibility for him to withstand the cold that had entirely taken over the inside of the cabin now as well. He was freezing, and so were you.

"Come upstairs. There is enough space in the bed."

Silence. Hesitation? Then a rustle. "No."

He would never admit to being cold, so you had to. "But I am cold."

Stillness. Your heart nearly stopped as you lay on your back, the blanket pulled up to your chin, not daring to move. You breathed shallowly, waiting for some kind of reaction from Jaehyun.

It came in the form of another, softer rustle, followed by footsteps on the wooden floor, the boards creaking under his weight. The stairs groaned as Jaehyun climbed them, his figure casting a long shadow over you when he reached the bed.

Wordlessly, you rolled onto the right side of the mattress, just beneath the roof window. Jaehyun brought his pillow and blanket, tossing them onto the bed before slowly climbing in himself. Neither of you spoke as he lay still beside you, a certain distance between you. 

It wasn’t going to work this way, you needed to break this awkwardness if you wanted to fall asleep comfortably. 

"My family doesn't say it out loud, but they hold me at fault for my mom's death.” You didn’t know what else to speak of. Perhaps, it would help him understand you a bit better, too. “I don't blame them, I would probably feel the same."

"That's not true…" 

You watched clouds passing by, partially covering the starry sky. "It is. They told me in a fit of rage, my father and my sister both separately, on different occasions. It took me so long to overcome the feeling of guilt myself. And when I have finally succeeded in doing so, they tell me they have never reached this point in the first place."

Jaehyun shifted, the mattress giving in under you, his voice now directly by your ear. "It must have been hard on you."

"I'm the heiress, but my father constantly threatened to disown me and pass the position on to my younger sister, who is far more fitting for this position anyway. His words." You paused. "I wished for nothing more. I really wanted him to disown me. To free me from all this pressure, to just… let me go. Why can’t he do that?"

You knew the answer before Jaehyun spoke it out. "Because he loves you and believes in you. There will always be situations where we say and do things we don't mean and regret immediately. Even though we don’t directly speak it out. You said we would always want the best lives for the people we love. That also applies to the rest of your family, you know."

A tear escaped from the corner of your eyes. "All these things… All these scandals about me… I've done all this just so that he could finally free me from all the responsibility. I've always assumed no one would want to have such a person as an heiress to their company. I dropped out of university and made sure to be on the headlines as often as possible. But he never let me go. As it dragged on, I started to enjoy torturing my family's reputation way too much. If he wouldn't pass the position to my sister, then I could do whatever I wanted, I thought. So I did."

Dropping out of university, going out with different guys, all the partying and the press, the arrests, and the recent scandal with the engaged prince… You had enjoyed it very much - to some extent. But all this time you were aware that this couldn't be how your life was defined. 

Somewhere along the way, you had grown so tired. It was about time you would stop. It was ironic, but your father's downfall had come at the right time.

"Couldn't you just step down on your own?" Jaehyun asked.

"It was my mom's wish for me to become the heiress. I would have never stepped down voluntarily as I thought I owed it to her. I never had the courage to do so in fear of disappointing my mom, even in death. In my head, it was only reasonable if my father stripped me of the title. Like that, I was able to justify it in front of my mom. I know it doesn't make sense, but for me-"

"Never say it doesn't make sense," Jaehyun stopped you. "You don't need to justify your feelings and actions. If they make sense to you, then they're valid."

You nodded, deeply grateful for his words. "I've already prepared a secret bank account, you know. I was ready to start a new life somewhere else if one day I had grown brave enough. Just like you. I just didn't know how to do it as I've never known another way to live. I was such a coward. I just wanted to be prepared in case one day I just woke up and… went away."

"And now? Do you now know how?"

Jaehyun had to leave his comrades behind to escape the flames, and he loathed himself for it. You had to leave your mother behind to flee from the fire, and your family loathed you for it. Now, both of you were searching for a life far away from your pasts. At one point or another, you were the same.

"Yes. Now, I know."

You wondered what would happen when your father finally got his situation settled. Could you ever return to your old life? And more importantly, did you want to? If not, what kind of life did you want to continue living from here on?

"Good," Jaehyun responded.

He placed his blanket over your thicker one and moved close to you so that he was spooning you from behind after you had naturally shifted positions. He placed his arm under your neck so you could use it as an additional support to your pillow. You were relieved that he put his other arm around your stomach, otherwise he would have noticed how fast your heart was beating. You felt his breath against the back of your neck, and you could have sworn his breathing was just as irregular and filled with uncertainty as yours.

This was all so that you wouldn't freeze to death, you kept telling yourself over and over, even long after Jaehyun's breathing had found a rhythm and his grip around your stomach loosened a bit. 

You couldn't fall asleep for hours that night. And when you woke up the next morning, having stretched yourself out all over Jaehyun's warming chest, a part of you wished that you wouldn't sleep alone anymore - be it on cold or warm nights.

____

That very day, on your self-proclaimed Christmas Eve, you had come to a decision.

From your drawer, you pulled out a piece of clothing you hadn't touched for more than two months. But you couldn't imagine a better day to wear this glittery party dress here again except for today. You didn't know what to do with your hair to make it special, nor with your face as you lacked makeup. You were aware that this all didn't matter now, but since today would mark a milestone, you wanted to somehow look different than on the occasional days.

You hadn't dared to use the chapstick Jaehyun had given to you yet, because you were scared you would waste such a special gift. But if there was a perfect day to coat your lips with something he had chosen for you, then it would be today. 

A little while later, you were sitting on the bed, dressed in your party dress. You had brushed your hair so often that it now fell silkily over your shoulders, lips tinked pink with strawberry flavor. It was by far not your most glamorous look, but to Jaehyun it wouldn't matter anyway.

You made your way downstairs and prepared the dinner, into which you had put especially much effort today. For the main course, you served rabbit with rice as it was now cold enough to keep fresh meat outside, with fish soup as a side dish. For dessert, you had cooked up some rice with water and sugar, and would serve it with blueberry marmalade that you had preserved a little while ago.

When Jaehyun returned to the cabin from preparing the logs for the night, he stilled by the door, totally forgetting to shut it as ice cold wind blew inside.

"Close the door!" you urged him, and he only reluctantly did so, his eyes not wavering from your appearance.

"What's going on?"

"Did you forget what day today is?" you gave him a leg up. "It's Christmas, and we will celebrate!"

He blinked slowly in confusion. "Christmas might still be three or four days away, perhaps it even passed already. Neither of us have a calendar."

"I don't care," you shrugged and brushed it off. "Now sit down, I've prepared a special meal."

"Well…" Jaehyun smirked and willingly did so, taking a seat by the table after having taken off his boots and jacket. "I won't complain then. Thank you for the meal. I'm afraid I'm not dressed for the occasion though."

"It doesn't matter to me."

You poured soup into small bowls and took each into one of your hands. You brought them over to the table where you had already prepared the cutlery.

"I thought you'd never wear this dress again," Jaehyun remarked, then smiled. "You look beautiful in it."

Your cheeks heated up. "Why shouldn't I? I'm only wearing it for you."

He turned his head away, but you still caught the emotion of guilt briefly flashing across his face. "Because you wore it the day I took you away. It must be tainted with horrible memories of that night. I don't want you to associate the traumatic memories of that dress with me."

Jaehyun had worded it so weirdly. "You didn't take me away. My father instructed you to do it, and you only did it to help your family."

"But you wouldn't have come with me voluntarily."

"Of course not, you were a stranger!" The moment it dawned on you that he could misunderstand your very vocal denial, you continued, "But if we had met in another way… If you had approached me under other circumstances, with other intentions, then…"

"Then, what?" Jaehyun looked at you, partially challenging, partially inviting. His gaze then fell and rested on the lower part of your face, making him notice what you were wearing on your lips tonight. "You wouldn't have spared me a single glance. I know what kind of man you prefer."

"Prefer perhaps, but certainly not like!" You perceived Jaehyun's Adam's apple bopping, his eyes turning back to observe your whole expression while his own features remained unreadable. "It's all different now, because I am different."

Jaehyun drew a long breath in, the initial brightness in his face suddenly dropping as though it had only been a facade to conceal deeper emotions. "Now, are you…? Are you here because you want to be or because you had no other option?"

"Why are you asking such things?" His words hurt, you had no idea why his mood suddenly carried a vicious edge to it.

He seemed to notice it too and quickly shook his head. In seeming agony and frustration over himself, Jaehyun reached to touch his forehead. "My feelings are all over the place. Can I trust your words when your perception is alternated by isolation and confinement?"

"I feel as though my perception has never been clearer."

"If you had to choose between going back and staying here, how would you decide?" A pause followed, but you were about to answer when Jaehyun suddenly responded to his own question with a clear, "See."

You wanted to scream at him for not even giving you a chance to express your feelings properly. At one point, you had assumed you understood each other, that he would recognize the new person you had become - the one who had been hidden beneath all these superficial features, not the person he had first seen in this dress.

You reluctantly sat down, but didn't touch the food either. Instead, you admitted, "Tonight, I wanted to tell you that if I had to choose between going back and staying here, I would… stay here. At least for a little while more. Until I figure out what to do with my life since I definitely don't want to go back."

Your voice was hopeful, but you didn't meet the reaction you had expected of Jaehyun. Your words hadn't given him a single bit of relief. Instead, they had angered him more. 

"You cannot use me as a safeguard until you someday maybe find out what you truly want just to avoid your family."

You knitted your brows together, thrown off guard by his continuous offending reaction. "I thought you might like the idea of us spending more time together, but I was wrong."

"That's not what I mean." Jaehyun shook his head, his mien stood stern, but apologetic. "Don't you think it will hurt me too? Getting used to all this despite knowing it will eventually come to an end and you will still not choose me? Don't torture me for longer than necessary, I'm also only human."

You were mortified. He had every right to be upset, because you had hurt his feelings. Perhaps, you hadn't changed all that much from your former self yet. 

You had only thought about what you wanted, not about how it would affect Jaehyun - as you always did. That was so typical for you. Yet, you couldn't bring yourself to say what he wanted to hear from you. You were all dressed up, ready for him, yet you couldn't give yourself over to him entirely. It wasn't fair.

"I-I'm sorry. You're r-right." Your head dropped and you suddenly didn't feel so hungry anymore. "I didn't think about that, because I've never thought you-"

You stilled at the touch of his warm palm against your cheek, and as you lifted your eyes, you met his gentle, but not yet entirely forgiving smile. 

"Don't be sorry. Now you know about how I feel. When you return to your old life and then still want to come back here, to be with me, not temporarily, but forever, you know where to find me. I'll never leave this place. I will always wait for you."

The following words were hard for you to bring over your lips, but you knew you had to ask them out loud. "What if I go?"

"Then I'll let you go. I won't keep you here against your will and you shouldn't feel obliged to stay just because we spent so much time with each other or because I saved your life. You don't owe me anything, neither does your father. We've all kept the ends of our deals, and if you wish to go, I will let you when it's safe enough."

"What if I stay?" You barely dared to look into his eyes, because you were scared to find them filled with hope, longing… love. It would make an unaffected decision even harder for you.

"You know the answer to that."

Jaehyun had said he didn't want to be your safeguard, yet he turned himself into exactly that, offering you a forever home if only you were willing enough. But you weren't yet, and he was absolutely okay with giving you more time if you ever reached that point.

"Now, let's enjoy our Christmas dinner, shall we?" Jaehyun proposed. "It looks delicious."

But your appetite didn't return and Jaehyun slept on the couch again.

____

A few days later when the snow only reached your shin, you went on a walk around the area. You had mostly stayed inside for too many weeks in a row, and you feared that if you didn't go into nature again right now, you might forget how it felt like to be entirely by yourself.

The stream was frozen from both sides, leaving only a small cleavage in the middle from where water occasionally spilled out. You wandered up and down the riverbank, watching birds and a family of deer from a distance. 

There was not much to do during winter outside in the woods, you only enjoyed the serenity of the frozen nature which was not only soothing, but also impressive. You could stay out here for hours.

What would you be doing in the city right now? 

Potentially, nothing different from what you were doing in summer, spring and autumn. It was always the same. Same buildings, same streets, same type of people. Nature was ever changing as well, but you had never grasped the entirety and intensity of its beauty. In New York City, you used to blend out every overwhelming stimulation from outwards, whereas here, your senses felt heightened and they nearly couldn't take in all the impressions you wanted to experience and remember all at once.

Back at home, you had been so infamous and known, you had done everything to draw attention to yourself. And for what? To be forgotten the moment you disappeared off the face of the earth? 

Had anyone ever wondered where you had gone to, made moves to even look for you? What would you find when you got your phone back, how many missed messages, how many missed calls? Or had your supposed friends you only met for shopping and partying shrug your entire existence off once they didn't have someone to fund their lives anymore? 

You didn't know a convincing answer to that. And that itself was confirmation enough for you. Because Jaehyun would, no doubt at all. 

He would tear the whole world apart just to make sure you were safe, no matter where you were and no matter whether he had to risk his own life as well. And not because your father had paid him to. You were certain about that, more than anything. What could you ask more of someone you loved?

You watched the family of deer, a mother with four fawns, slowly approaching the stream, observing you cautiously. The mother stopped, gauging the danger coming from you, but as you stood totally still, she judged the situation favorably and went with her children closer to the stream, searching for food and water. 

You nearly teared up at the thought of being favored by wild animals. How could something so pure, so simple, cause you so much happiness unlike anything before that?

You pivoted around and ran all the way back to the cabin. How could you have been so blind? How could you have hesitated for so long when everything you had wanted, aware or not, had been right here before you? You didn't want to leave. Not anymore.

"Jaehyun!" you called out, spurting through the snow, protecting your face from the branches that threatened to slap right into your face as you met them with speed. "Jaehyun!!"

You wanted to live where Jaehyun was, right here in the woods. 

You had first thought they were dark, deep and dangerous. But the forest was nothing like that. The woods were full of beautiful life and gave you a beautiful life as well. You could very much live here. You wanted to. This was enough as long as Jaehyun was here too.

"Jaehyun!" You stopped right in front of the house, but didn't spot him. "Where are you?"

"Up here!" You heaved your head and found him sitting on the roof, looking down at you with questioning eyes. "What's up?"

"What are you doing up there?"

"The chimney is clogged, so I'm cleaning it," he explained.

"Okay, can you come down?" you breathed, small white clouds forming in front of your mouth. "I need to talk to you."

He visibly debated whether to drop his work and follow your plea, but he eventually decided against it. "Can you wait a bit until I'm done here? It's not taking too long anymore."

"No!" You feared that, if you waited for a little bit longer, all the bravery would leave your body, and you didn’t know when it would return. "I need to talk to you right now!"

"Okay, then." Jaehyun sat back on the roof. "Tell me what you want to tell me."

You were perplexed. "Here?"

"Yes."

"Now?"

"Yes." A smirk. "Tell me."

You couldn't shake the feeling that he long knew what you wanted to tell him and was only taunting you now. For having kept him on the edge for so long, for making him wait all this time. Fair enough. 

You buried your hands deep into the pockets of your thick jacket and drew small circles into the snow with your feet. When you had made up your mind about your words, you looked up to Jaehyun, who was now leaning back as though he had settled comfortably to spend more time on the roof until you finished.

You eventually began, "You were right. Back in New York City, in my old life, we wouldn't even have looked at each other. But I was barely even able to look at myself. My life was full of fame, wealth, and people. Yet, I still felt so lonely and empty inside. You may think the day you took me from that life was the day you broke me. You were wrong. The truth is that I was already broken, and when I went with you, your companionship and everything we've experienced pieced me back together. I became a whole new person I never knew existed in the first place."

Jaehyun shifted, bending forward to look at you more closely. His hair, that had significantly grown through the past weeks, now fell into his forehead. His mien was unreadable. "Are you aware of what you are saying? What any of this means?"

You nodded eagerly. "I know. I'm sure. Money, fame, materialistic stuff… What does it matter when I have all this?" You paused, feeling the heavy thumbing of your heart in your throat. "What does any of that matter when I have you?"

"Me?" Jaehyun huffed. "I cannot replace any of that for you."

"But that's the point!" you advocated. "You're not a replacement, you were never meant to be! I didn't need all of that insignificant stuff in the first place. I need you! I want you!… All of this! So… can you come down now, please?"

A smile as bright as the winter sun shining right into his face appeared on Jaehyun's lips. 

You thought you had seen so many beautiful things in your life already, yet the man here right in front of you, accepting your love with much happiness, was the most beautiful thing you had ever witnessed. The things that were significant, the ones that really mattered, couldn't be brought with money.

Jaehyun stretched out a hand to you as though he could reach you from up there. "Come up here."

"What?"

"Come up here."

You let out a long sigh. Now, he was only teasing you. You walked over to the wooden ladder and climbed up the steps until Jaehyun's arm was in sight. You grabbed his hand and let him lift you over the last section until you securely settled on the roof, right in front of him. Your legs were still shaky, and you wondered whether the roof could even hold both of you as the surface was so slippery from the ice and snow.

"I didn't hear you," Jaehyun said coolly, in pretense. "Can you repeat everything that you said?"

You rolled your eyes and laughed. Moving forward, you settled between Jaehyun's spread legs and cupped his cold cheeks that were tinted in a light pink.

"I said love you."

You only got a glimpse of how his eyes widening in delight at your direct confession, but whatever he wanted to say in return, he didn't come to verbally say it anymore, because you pushed him back into the snow with your lips on his.

The temperature was cold, but your bodies turned warm as you straddled Jaehyun and kissed him for the first time right there on the top of your small cabin, and you couldn't imagine a greater bliss in life. 

Jaehyun wrapped one arm around your waist and pulled you closer down to him, deepening the kiss by placing one of his hands on the curvature of your head and parting your lips. You felt your heart flutter and located a ticklish feeling in the pit of your stomach.

You had kissed many men in your life, on many occasions, but none of them had ever made you feel the way Jaehyun did right now. 

If this wasn't love, then what was?

____

"I've never done this before."

Jaehyun leaned back on the bed, with the oil lamp on the floor providing the only light in the small room.

You had discarded him off his shirt and pants in a very long session that had taken place shortly before, leaving him breathless and disheveled, and yourself in awe over his perfect physique. The dim stream of light crawled into every crevice of his prominent abs, his arm muscles flexing with every motion. 

You had seen many men in this position before, but none of them had ever come close to the view Jaehyun was giving you. You had been very cautious with his scars that were still healing, but which were no longer worn as a mark of guilt. No, Jaehyun now wore them as proof of a long battle he was about to win. 

But you hadn’t shown him your own, in all their full size, yet. It wasn't like you hated your own scars. On the contrary, even. Sometimes, you inspected them in the mirror and imagined your mother telling you how beautiful they were. It was just… 

"I've never shown them to anyone before," you revealed to Jaehyun. As you met his questioning expression, you continued, "I've always found ways to hide them when… you know. I didn't want to explain to everyone where they come from and earn their pity."

He understood. "Come here."

You slowly walked over to the bed, your eyes fixed on each other when you knelt on top of the mattress. You were still fully dressed in a shirt and pants, and you nearly didn't recognize yourself as you willingly let Jaehyun pull the top over your head. 

He knew the fire got caught in your jacket back then while crawling out of the car, and despite the firemen acting quickly, you hadn't been able to escape unscathed, the marks adorning your back like battle scars -  the proof of your existence, your mom’s gift.

"Turn around," Jaehyun whispered. "Let me see."

You twisted in your position, rotating on your knees so that you eventually faced the end of the bed, Jaehyun sitting behind you. You recoiled at the touch of his hand on your back, but stood still so as to not irritate him. No one had ever touched your scars again with bare hands except for the physicians back then. When you slept with someone, you usually did so in total darkness or with enough clothes on to cover up the scars. 

You were baring yourself entirely in front of Jaehyun, in more sense than just one. This was the highest declaration of love you could offer to him. And he knew. 

Jaehyun's fingertips gently brushed over your scarred back, starting from the top and running all the way down. First, two fingers at once, then three. No pressure, just a slight incessant touch that sent pleasant shivers down your spine. 

When he reached your waist, where the scars ended but were also the most prominent, he used both of his palms to place on the very spots, running them along your back to the outer sides. His hands then rested on your hips, and you heard him rustling in the sheets when a moment later, you felt the touch of his lips at the very base of your spine.

You let out a gasp. Jaehyun wasn't trying to feel and memorize every raising, every crevice of your scars. He had his own, he knew what they felt and looked like. What he did was acknowledging them for what they were, the pain they had caused you, and letting you know that he accepted them as a part of you, too.

"They're beautiful, I love them," Jaehyun then declared when he arose again. "Because they are a part of you, and I love you too. The whole of you."

You looked down on yourself and watched Jaehyun's hands sliding across your body until he rested them on your stomach, pulling you back right into his hug. The curve of your body fitted perfectly into his as you had already noticed from the cold night you had spent together.

Jaehyun's lips were first on your shoulders, warm and mellow. You rolled your head to the side to give him better access to your neck that he then trailed the kisses up to. He sucked gently on the sensitive skin, making you swallow hard to keep yourself in control.

Whenever you had slept with a man, it used to be a quick act. You had barely known them as it had only been for fun, never caring all that much. But Jaehyun, you knew him. You had gotten to know every part of him that you usually avoided in men. You had been living together with Jaehyun in the smallest space, at one point sharing only a car for days. And he still wanted you, and you him.

"Do you know for how long I've been wanting to do this?" he breathed against your neck, letting his tongue run over your jawline. You shuddered and closed your eyes halfway. "It was pure torture sharing the same house and even bed with you, holding myself back when I’ve always wanted all of you, all at once."

Earlier, Jaehyun had explained to you that he had never made a move, because he didn't want your feelings to get influenced by the confinement he had put you in. You found it weird that he always used that word… confinement. 

For you, it was not any kind of confinement. He had let you live without interference, had let you be with your thoughts and feelings until they had become clear to you all by yourself.

It was the purest form of dedication you had been able to offer to him, because by waiting for so long, you had purposefully decided on him, despite everything you two had been through together, despite knowing his entire history and character. You had decided on him out of your own free will. After all this time, everything had eventually fallen into place.

Jaehyun fiddled with the button of your pants and opened them in one swift motion. He hooked his fingers into the waistband and dragged them down until they hung around your thighs. His upper body was pressed close to your back when he slipped his hand into the front of your panties, making you shudder the moment he cupped the wetness between your legs. 

You arched your hips against the curve of his body, giving his other hand better access to your breasts, which he then massaged with his palm.

"This," Jaehyun muttered against the dampness of your neck, remnants of his passionate kisses, "I've been wanting to do this for so long."

You moaned quietly as his fingers spread you open, stroking between your folds. Your legs trembled, aroused by stimulation in two places at once. You let him undress you fully, and you didn’t mind it for a single second. 

With Jaehyun, everything felt more palpable, more intense. It was as though you had been kept in darkness and had only stepped into daylight the moment you met him. He might say he had taken you away, but you would say he had brought you into the light.

Jaehyun didn't let you cum in the same way you hadn't let him cum before, having teased him over and over again until he had begged you to stop and release him from this torture. Though admittedly, it had been so much fun - Just as much fun as right now, when you straddled him on his thighs, having him pressed back into the mattress as you carefully moved forward to his groin.

Jaehyun’s manhood was fully erect again, and you already knew exactly how it felt in every angle of your hands. You watched him close his eyes in delight when you rose to your knees and reached for his length once more. 

Determinedly, you guided his tip to the area where wetness was spilling out of you, and you bit into your bottom lip at the release and completeness when you sank down on him until you connected in the most intimate way two people could.

Jaehyun let out a groan, and you waited a moment before you began moving. You lifted your hips with the strength of your thighs, sliding his length halfway out of you, then lowered yourself back onto him again. As you repeated this action leisurely to adjust to his proportions, Jaehyun reached out his hands and fondled your breasts, eyeing you carefully to catch up on your reaction. You smiled at him, threw your head back and increased your pace, the sounds he made music to your ears, feeding you with courage.

With your body leaning forward and your palms braced against Jaehyun’s strong stomach muscles, you engaged your thighs and moved even faster than before, his length sliding in and out of you with every lift and drop of your body.

The moans you both let out came in unison, blending with the wet, slippery sounds of your bodies moving against each other.

"Wait!" Jaehyun then signed you to stop. 

"Hm?" You looked at him in confusion, stilling. "Did I do som-"

"No, no!" He placed his hands on either side of your face, drew you close to him and gave you a long kiss. "I want to see all of you when… Turn around."

"Around?" You looked to the side. You had always avoided this position for obvious reasons. "I've never done this before either."

"Then let me be the first one. Let me see all of you for the first time."

His words fueled something inside you that you had long deemed dead: The confidence of showing your scars off, of them being accepted as a part of you and completing your beauty rather than diminishing it. Not that you had ever thought of yourself that way. But despite all the confidence, you were only human, too. Of course you had feared the judgment of other people, which was why you had kept them hidden from everyone.

You carefully slipped out of Jaehyun and turned around to put him back inside you the moment you settled on his groin. You straightened your posture and felt Jaehyun’s hands on your hips, following your up-and-down movements with an unwavering grip.

"So… beautiful," he breathed and touched your back, right where your scars were. "You're so damn beautiful."

You eventually figured it would be hard for you to feel as much pleasure as before in that position, so shortly later, you were lying beneath Jaehyun with your stomach pressed into the mattress and your head turned to the side. Your fingers were entangled in the sheets, gripping the fabric tightly as Jaehyun moved in and out of you, his groin pushing against your bum with every thrust.

He hovered above you, his forearms propped on the bed on either side of your head, and you felt his irregular breaths against your skin. You angled your hips, not only to give him better access, but also to stimulate the spot that brought you the most pleasure when Jaehyun stroked it from inside.

You closed your eyes and whimpered, "Please don't stop… Don't stop."

Hot, breathless kisses on your cheek were the answer while Jaehyun increased his pace. You got sent over the edge almost immediately after, muffling your screams with your face buried in the pillow. Your legs shook, then your entire body. For a moment, you thought your soul had left your body.

"Shit," Jaehyun muttered right next to your ear as you slowly started to come down from your heights. "Sorry."

There was no need for him to say sorry when he had just made you cum like no one else before him, even while still inside you. Jaehyun withdrew himself, but stayed in that position. He hid his face in the hollow between your shoulder and neck, and it followed a low moan with him carefully biting into the flesh where his lips met your body. You then felt him spilling his release, hot and wet, right on the base of your back.

You didn't know how long you laid there, with your bodies entwined, watching the dim light flickering on the wooden roof above you, still naked and still out of breath. 

When you did it again for the second, third, then fourth time with some light naps in between, you were able to watch the sunrise slowly turning the dark sky light blue by the hour morning arrived.

It was going to be one long, dark winter. But you figured with Jaehyun's company, it was going to be endurable. Enjoyable, even.

____

March, Alaska, USA

The winter months had been long and dark, and the woods had turned even more threatening the moment the sun vanished from the sky. Most hours of the day, you had spent in near darkness, but you had found routines and activities that kept you both sane and warm, turning the long, dragging winter days into a period you came to quite favor.

But nothing could compare to the Alaskan Spring. The new season came slowly, almost unnoticeably, with every passing day from the middle of March on. One day, you stepped outside and realized. It was still cold, but you were able to change into your lighter jacket without freezing too much as your body had adjusted to the temperatures here in the North already.

The trees had turned light green, some showing off full leaves and others buds already. You listened to the chirping of birds, found traces of wild animals on the ground that had awoken from their hibernation, and even spotted a few wildflowers breaking through the cold surface. A few rabbits crossed your path on the way to the stream that was not fully frozen anymore. 

You filled the bucket in your hands with water and while waiting, turned your head to the sky and let the sun warm up the tip of your nose. 

When all of this was over, when you could safely talk to your father, you would explain everything to him and ask him to handle all of your formalities only so that you could stay here and continue living with Jaehyun. Your sister would become the heiress, he would surely not mind. 

As for your mother… she would have wanted you to be happy. And if this was what made you happy, she would have supported it fully, you were certain about that. It was all settled.

When you returned to the cabin with the bucket full of water, you found Jaehyun already standing next to the car, making some adjustments. But luckily, even after much snowfall, it looked and worked perfectly fine. 

Today, he was planning a trip to the closest town of which its name you had long forgotten, and stock up on food and supplies that you had all used up during the long winter months.

"I’m sorry you have to stay here,” Jaehyun apologized again when you approached him. “I'm positive no one will recognize you, but we cannot risk it, even though we are so remote and there are only around a thousand residents living in the town."

You shook your head. "There is still so much to do here. I will spend the day cleaning, repairing and cooking. Don't worry, I'll be fine. But you offered to bring me burgers for dinner, so you should keep your word on that at least."

Jaehyun lowered his head and kissed you long and hungrily. It wasn’t that you hadn’t done far more than just kiss that morning already. You simply hadn’t been apart for more than a few minutes in months, and you couldn’t imagine Jaehyun being even physically away from you. Your heart and body already longed for the moment he came back.

"Last one," he repeated between kisses, and you giggled.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and looked into his eyes that were now partially covered by his grown out hair. You were supposed to cut it for him in the upcoming days. 

"I'll be perfectly fine here."

"I'll hurry," Jaehyun promised before returning to the car. "I'll order a generator as well, so we'll soon have electricity. You can look forward to it."

You tilted your head, lips curling up into a smile. "I do. But more so, I look forward to you coming back as soon as possible. With burgers."

____

While Jaehyun was gone, you searched the cabin high and low for a missing shirt that needed to be washed with the rest of your dirty clothes. You owned at most a handful of garments, which made you wonder how that shirt had gone missing in the first place.

The possibility that it had accidentally ended up in Jaehyun’s belongings suddenly crossed your mind, and you walked over to the dresser, pulling open the last drawer. You had never looked into it before out of respect for Jaehyun’s privacy, but he surely wouldn’t mind since you had a good reason. 

You searched through Jaehyun’s clothes, of which he didn't own more than you, when your fingers suddenly brushed over something hard that felt out of place in there.

You pushed Jaehyun's clothes aside after curiosity had gotten the better of you and felt your breathing stop when you found a smartphone hidden in the very corner of the drawer. It wasn't yours, so you assumed it belonged to none other than Jaehyun. But this couldn't be… he had told you he didn't own a phone at all.

Though, how else could he get in contact with your father? You had even suggested he should use a prepaid phone instead, but he had owned one all along. It all didn't make sense. 

It hadn't made sense from the very beginning now that you thoroughly thought about it. Back then though, you had been so overwhelmed by everything suddenly changing in your life that you hadn't paid much attention to his story not seamlessly interconnecting, as a matter of fact.

Your fingers were trembling when you reached for the phone. You wanted to give him the benefit of doubt - again. Perhaps, he only kept it for emergencies. Perhaps, it was old and not working. Perhaps, he needed to stay in contact with his family. Perhaps… perhaps…. 

But it was a very new model, not older than a year, and as you turned it on, it worked immediately. As though it was always charged or got recharged every time it ran low on batteries, ready to be used when needed.

You felt nausea seeping into your stomach as you swiped over the display and it unlocked instantly. Of course… he didn't need a password, because he had never needed to fear someone else using the device. You cursed under your breath, having turned entirely pale. 

When you went to the call history, there was only one number he had spoken to that wasn’t saved in his contacts as he had no contacts listed at all. Mostly, it was outgoing calls from Jaehyun. The last one got registered at the end of December.

What did it all mean? Why was Jaehyun hiding his phone from you and who had he spoken to? Perhaps his family? You prayed it was his family who he regularly kept in touch with, you would accept this as the only possible excuse for going behind your back and lying to you. But you needed proof and Jaehyun wouldn't be back until a few hours later. You couldn't wait for so long.

There was no network when you looked at the display, but somehow, Jaehyun must have been able to use the phone whenever he wanted to for the entire time he was here. You didn't need to think for long where this place could be. 

Shortly later, you had already moved the ladder against the back wall of the cabin and climbed up to the roof with the phone safely stored in the pocket of your jacket.

You didn’t even need to take the device out to get it working - the phone started chiming the moment you set foot on the roof. You remembered finding Jaehyun on top of the cabin often before December, always assuming it was part of his usual work. But this explained a lot, since he had stopped going up there after the end of last year.

The display came to life with each sound, one notification after another popping up. Almost all of them were calls that turned into messages toward the end - every single one from the same number. When you opened the call history, you saw that they had started back in December and continued up to this month.

The last call, followed by the same repeating messages, was from only a few days ago if you had counted the days right. The messages read,

Call me back.

Where are you?

Tell me where you are!

Answer me immediately!

What did all of this mean? 

Was it indeed Jaehyun's family trying to reach him? But why was it only one number he hadn't saved then, and why hadn't he turned his phone on ever since? 

The way Jaehyun had wanted to weigh his family in safety before coming here, you had assumed he wouldn't just abandon speaking to them out of nowhere. It just didn't make any sense at all. The way the texts were constructed also wasn't the sentiment you would come up with when you talked to someone you missed dearly. There was only one way to find out.

The thumbing of your heart was nearly as loud as the blood rushing through your ears that you both seemed to feel more intensely at this moment. 

You knew your perfect little world out here in the woods teetered to crumble, and there would be no coming back from it, no matter who would be on the other side of the line. But you couldn't live on and pretended this grave discovery had only been a dream either.

You were sitting in a crouch, holding the phone to your ear with both hands, because you were scared your anxiety had petrified you to the point of letting it drop. You had made sure to hide the number prior to calling, worried about triggering a chain reaction when you only needed little information to test the waters. 

Your breathing was loud and out of rhythm when you heard the phone trying to connect to the other number. The tension was suffocating, so you stood up the moment the dial tone stopped.

"Hello? Who's there?"

The male voice on the other side let your breath catch.

"Jaehyun, is that you?!"'

You moved as you called out, breathlessly, "Dad?"

But the phone fell out of your hands when you suddenly lost balance and slipped. You were so, so stupid for having put your emotions over safety. 

You slid down the slope of the roof on your back, catching a glimpse of the pale blue spring sky for a split second. You thought about how beautiful it was, and how sad it was that you would never get to see it again.

Just before you fell to the ground and hit your head so hard, you immediately lost consciousness.

____

March, Skagway, Alaska, USA

"We have to transfer her to the hospital in Juneau. There is nothing more we can do for her here."

"But she will live, right? Tell me she will live! I demand you to assure me that she will live!!"

"Sir, please calm down. We’ll arrange an immediate transport on an emergency flight, as she’s stable enough now. Everyone is doing their best to save her life."

"This doesn't answer my question!"

"Sir, please step back or I will have you arrested."

"If you won’t save her life, I will have all of you arrested for negligence!”

____

March, Juneau, Alaska, USA

"Did no one come with her?"

"No. Apparently, she's been brought to Skagway hospital by a man no one has ever seen before. But he refused to follow and disappeared the moment she was transferred. He has given us a number, though. He said it was her family. The nurse is already in contact."

"How bad is it?"

"She fell from a roof, head first. Luckily enough, it wasn't too high. It's not something I believe our neurosurgeons cannot fix."

"Very well."

…

"Doctor! I've gotten in contact with her father! He said she went missing almost three months ago. He's on his way here."

"My god, I think I recognize her face from the news!"

____

Every day, reporters gathered in front of the building, trying to catch a glimpse of the famous heiress who had gone missing and one day magically returned without further explanation. Your family was all over the media for weeks, and your father wasn't able to put a stop to the constant coverage of this scandal since the news had gotten out before he could bribe the newspapers and tv channels. It didn’t take the media very long to connect the dots and figure out that no one had seen you since the end of last September as a matter of fact, adding more questions to a case hobby online investigators made it their mission to solve.

By July, the public interest had significantly dropped, only about a handful of paparazzi now present in front of your father’s apartment building. You were finally allowed to leave.

"Are you happy to go back to your apartment today?" your sister asked that morning. "You will love the new interior. It's different from before, but I thought you might like it more this way."

She meant well, but she couldn’t hide the fact in her voice that she was happy to finally go home as well. She was so fed up by all of this - just like you. It was thanks to your sister that you could leave though, because if she hadn’t convinced your father, you would stay here many more weeks. You just had to promise to be on alert with reporters and only leave the house with a bodyguard. It was fine for you since you didn’t plan on leaving anyway.

You forced yourself to smile in response to your sister’s attempts to talk to you. It was an act you needed to carry out so often lately, because otherwise your father would call a doctor to check on your injured head again. 

Though, they never found anything. You were perfectly healthy and clearheaded. Your father just couldn't seem to understand. He didn't want to understand.

"Thank you,” you said to your sister. “I really appreciate it."

You didn't want to push her away or resent her anymore. You couldn't. She was just as much a victim of your father as you were, and she had made up for every pent-up vile word she had ever said to you the moment she didn't leave your hospital bed for days on end, holding your hand all through your critical state.

Your sister had been back home since the middle of December and for just as long, they had been searching for you.

The official story went like this: Your family had gone on a very long vacation from the end of September until before Christmas. The fact that your father had caused a life-threatening situation that involved his daughters as well was being kept tightly under wraps. Of course, in the end, it had all been settled with money. Apparently, it had cost him a few residences in countries you had never visited in the past anyway. 

He had been so sure that you would return after he had settled everything. That had been the plan. The difference was that your sister's companion had acted according to plan and brought her back after a little over two months - and yours hadn't.

When your father had started realizing that Jaehyun had purposefully cut off contact and wouldn’t let you go, he had started his own rescue mission with private detectives and his friends in the police. They had gotten as far as Alaska by tracking down where Jaehyun's phone got last connected to the network. But Alaska was so remote and wide, their attempts were all in vain. When your father eventually had no options left but to inform the FBI shortly later, he wasn’t able to tell the entire truth without making himself look suspicious. The investigators were searching everywhere but the area your father had suspected you to be. 

In the end, your father’s reputation was still more important to him than finding you. You had caused many scandals throughout the years, and he had been immune to every single one of them. But the one that could completely destroy his business had been caused by himself alone. It was as absurd as it was real.

"I needed someone from the Marines since they could protect you and knew how to get around safely," he had said. "I wouldn't have done it if I didn't know you weren’t in safe hands. I have let his background get thoroughly run through. He had this cabin in the woods where you could have resided for a while. It was perfect for you to learn how to live without all the luxury. Think of it like a retreat."

How gracious he was, sponsoring you a surprise retreat! He could have chosen someone who owned a house with running water and electricity right by the beach. Or someone he actually knew, a retired bodyguard, like in your sister's case. 

Instead, he had chosen a complete stranger with a cabin in the deepest Alaskan woods, because he… what? Wanted to teach you a lesson on the top of bringing you to safety for a danger he had brought over the family entirely by himself?

"No!" your father had defended himself. "The location was just… a convenient offer from Jaehyun which I deemed fitting for you."

Convenient? He had chosen Jaehyun out of convenience? Because he had just put a fitting offer for you at the right time, and your father hadn’t questioned it further?

"I needed to have the newspaper faked, otherwise you wouldn't have believed the entire situation since no word about it could go outside," he had said. "One can easily impersonate my handwriting, so I needed something more convincing in case you ever came to doubt the situation. Only that was made up. Everything else, what you said he told you, was real. I sent Jaehyun the most important information about you one month before for preparation, and I was in regular contact with him until he turned unresponsive when we returned. I always made sure you were safe and taken care of as long as I could."

That was the reason as to why you hadn’t found more news on your family's seeming scandal, even in Canada, and why Jaehyun had been so persistent you stayed away from people. Just so that you wouldn't get suspicious of the entire situation. It had all only come out after they returned.

"You haven't been very successful in keeping me safe and protected, have you?" you had asked bitterly.

"We had a deal. You were supposed to stay with him until I gave him a sign that the situation has been cleared. But the connection broke after I told him you could come back home now, and I never found out where the cabin was exactly located except for that it was in that part of Alaska. I initially didn’t think it would be so hard to find."

"You never validated where he would hide with me?" you had asked with anger crawling beneath your skin. "You just sent him money and called it a day? Everything would go well, because you're so mighty and wealthy, and everyone bows to you?"

He had faltered. "Well, no-"

"What if it had been someone else?" you had pressed the topic. "What if it had been someone with malicious intent who had truly kidnapped me and done worse things to me? How would you have justified that?"

"I told you, I had his background thoroughly run through after he had applied to that position."

“And you think only genuine people apply to that job offer or what?”

He had still been oblivious as to where he went wrong. He hadn’t wanted to acknowledge his own fault. “It was concealed as a one time bodyguard mission.” 

You had snorted ironically. “Then what about the accident he caused? You knew about that?”

“The accident?” You had seen your father falter for the first time.

"Of course you don’t know, because you don’t care! No parents who truly love their children would have ever done something like this! You could have spoken openly with us, be transparent. Instead, you sent me away with a stranger, because you were scared any mishap could have ruined your business and wanted to teach me a lesson!" you had yelled. "In the end, you couldn't find me, because he didn't cooperate anymore and was not afraid of you!"

"I promised you, he will pay dearly for it! I did all this, because you're my daughter and I love you!"

"You are at fault!" you had then screamed. "You are at fault for sending me away with a stranger who had taken advantage of your poor judgment! It was all because of your negligence! If I hadn’t had this accident, what further steps would you have taken to find me? Threaten his family? Actually, I’m surprised you haven't done that yet."

“I went to see his family,” he had admitted. “Natually, if anyone would have known, then it was them. I flew all the way to their country to talk to them personally. But they knew nothing. They hadn’t talked to him in more than a year. He had sent them all the money though and considering their living circumstances, they truly needed it. I couldn’t make them responsible for something they clearly don’t have control over, so I left again.” 

“Still, you weren’t doing enough! Nobody knew the entire truth, because you couldn’t even disclose the authorities to your plan! I’m your daughter you had sent away with a stranger, and this was everything that you did! What would mom think?!”

"You don't get to talk to me like this when you were the one willing to stay with him in the end!" he had yelled back. "Didn't you say he had never threatened you? That you hadn't been held captive? You could have always come back if only you wanted to!"

"I would have come home if only I had known it was safe!"

"Tell me this again, but look into my face while you do so this time. Tell me you didn't allude yourself into thinking you were in love with such a criminal!"

"I-" You couldn't. "He's not a criminal!"

A liar maybe, but you had never seen Jaehyun as a vile criminal.

Your father returning shortly before Christmas was the time you had wanted to make up your mind about staying with Jaehyun. When your father had really contacted him for that purpose on the exact day he had told you, then it was a few days before you had made up your mind, most likely on the day on or around your self-declared Christmas Eve. Which meant Jaehyun had made that decision for you before you had made it yourself. 

Your father had discarded you to a stranger the moment he thought you could contribute to his downfall, and Jaehyun had omitted the fact that your father was looking for you to keep you with him. You had been manipulated into making the decisions you had made, by your father and Jaehyun both. 

You didn't know how to ever cope with betrayal to such an extent from the people you had loved the most.

If you had known your father's true situation prior to escaping, would you have gone with Jaehyun voluntarily? And if you had known that your father had called, would you have come back and left Jaehyun?

You had been looking for answers, but couldn't come up with any.

You had watched the vein on your father's temple pulse in upset. "Then how about you stop pretending and tell us where to find him!"

"I told you, I wouldn't know the way anymore!"

"You're protecting him, that's what you're doing! Do you know what your therapist calls such a behavior?"

You didn't want to hear it again.

"Hey." A soft voice pulled you out of your flashbacks. "The car's ready," your sister announced. "Let's go, shall we?"

You nodded and arose from the couch on which you had spent the most time since your return. Your bed in your old room from your childhood was the only other location. You didn’t have many belongings to carry in the first place and only picked up a bag which a maid had prepared and had placed in the lobby.

"Will you tell me someday?" your sister asked in the car as you emerged from the underground parking lot. "What truly happened out there in the woods? What you don’t tell the therapist and father?"

You didn’t think she’d understand. Nobody would. But to assuage her, you answered, "Maybe someday."

When you had been admitted to the hospital, they had run all kinds of tests on you. You’d been perfectly healthy, but of course, they had noted traces of semen on your body. Your father had gone on a rampage while you were still in a coma.

When you had woken up, it was too late to clarify the nature of your relationship, so you never did. Everyone close to you knew there was more to the story. Why else would you not press charges, but even defend him if you were not stuck in some kind of twisted love story with your abductor in your injured head? 

Again, the official story was that nobody knew who your abductor was and where you had been brought to since you had been in a coma. The real story was that you remembered everything and refused to reveal his location and hand him over to the FBI. Everyone was mad at you for that, including your father and therapist. 

"Ta-daaa!"

Your sister had done a great job of making your apartment unrecognizable. Before, your tapestry and furniture had followed a dark theme as you wanted your interior to be a bit edgier than the typical setups recommended by designers. But your sister had followed this exact general thinking: Everything was beige, white, and bright now. There was no personality left in your apartment at all anymore.

"Do you like it?" She looked at you expectantly.

"Yes, thank you so much!"

It wasn't a lie. Strangely, you didn't feel like you needed to lie to her at all anymore.

Returning to your former apartment setup would have thrown you right back into a life that no longer existed for you. It had vanished the day Jaehyun tore you away from it. This… this was as basic as possible. No identity, not trace of life. Just like you.

"I'm glad!" your sister called out in relief. "So… let's unpack your stuff, shall we? Everything you need and own is still here. I just exchanged your toothbrush and stuff like that."

You had never felt the urge to rely on your little sister, but right now, you felt like you really needed her for the first time in your life. You didn't know what you would do without her, how to handle all this logistical stuff that seemed so trivial, yet was so important. She had thought about everything in your absence while your thoughts only revolved around Jaehyun.

"Can you stay here?" you asked carefully. "At least only for tonight? I don't want to be alone here yet."

Surprise spread across her face, and you wondered when you had last shared a bed or even a room with your sister. But now, she seemed to be the only person whose presence was bearable for you. A delicate smile then made her features appear younger than she already was, and you were suddenly thrown back to a time where you happily shared rooms and beds, long before your mother had died.

"Yes! Of course I will stay with you tonight and for as many more as you need me to."

You tried to think of a time when you had been more grateful to have a sister, but nothing came to mind. Even though she probably wanted to go back to her own home, she didn’t let it show. But you were convinced she meant every word she had said.

You ordered Chinese food for dinner and watched a movie together that you had usually watched on an early Saturday morning when you were still children. Later, you laid in bed together, staring at the ceiling where the city lights reflected on the ceiling.

You couldn’t stand leaving the windows open anymore. The noise of the bustling metropolis felt suffocating. After growing used to the silence and calm of the wild, every sound and light now irritated you. You missed the soft rustling of the trees, the melodic chirping of the birds, the fickle spitting of the fireplace, and Jaehyun's deep voice whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

You decided, as you and your sister laid there, that it was time to finally tell her. 

"I could always come back, but I didn't. I've fallen in love with him, you know."

Your sister didn't say anything for a long time. Until she turned to the side and you did the same, the both of you now facing each other.

"Do you still love him?" she asked.

You had no answer to this.

"You know what the therapists said," she started unsurely. "That if something like this happens, if a feeling of missing him or even affection towards him had or would ever occur…"

"… it was all because I wanted to survive, and it’s not real," you ended her sentence. "They have a term for this."

You stared at each other for a very long time again, until she asked, "And? You think it's that… term?"

You wanted to hug her for the sole question alone. No one had ever asked you that before. Nobody had asked you about your real feelings, your real thoughts. They all always wanted to plant something into your mind about what they thought you should be feeling. But your sister was really interested in what you were truly feeling independently from everyone else.

You didn’t have an answer to her question yet, though.

"Tell me about him," she encouraged you. "Tell me how he was. Tell me everything you remember about him."

And so you did. 

You told her about the night Jaehyun had taken you away and the sheer terror that came with it, about the cross country road trip that had nearly cost you both your lives, but changed everything - not only between you two, but about your entire perception on how you had been living life up until then, too. You told her about your routine in the woods and how you had not only learned to adapt to a simple lifestyle without electricity and running water, but how you had started loving this life - and Jaehyun - too.

When you finished, your sister wanted to know, "What do you feel when you think about these memories?"

You drew a rapid breath. "Longing. I long to go back. To that life, to him. And I know it's wrong, but-"

She interrupted you. "Who said it's wrong?"

"The therapist and father. They said what he did was kidnapping, even though in the end, I have willingly stayed. I should look at the facts clearly. They say he made me dependent on him, and I alluded myself into thinking he protected me and that I needed him to survive. They say now I'm only protecting him by refusing to disclose his exact location, because I feel guilty and sorry for him."

She didn’t ask whether you were really lying about that certain point. Instead, she asked, "Would you have come back if you knew Jaehyun lied and we were searching for you?"

You let out a long sigh. "I've been asking this myself several times a day. Father is certain I wouldn't have come back. According to him, Jaehyun had manipulated me beyond the point of repair. He thinks I'm still… confused in the head."

"And out of all people, you want to listen to him? Especially after what father has done to us?" 

There was an edge of indignation in your sister’s voice, and you wondered whether it had always been there, and you had simply failed to notice. Her companion had been a retired bodyguard who had taken her to Mexiko where his family lived. He was an old friend of your father's. In some sense, she had been luckier than you. 

She continued, "That was the reason I pushed for us to move out. I cannot… bear being in the presence of him right now after what happened to you. I cannot bear seeing you suffer in his presence."

Your mien froze in realization. It hadn't been about her only, but about the two of you. Although the past months had been way more comfortable for her, she was angry together with you, for you. It wasn't about you against your sister and your father any longer, but your sister and you against your father. How could you have been so blind?

You smiled meekly. "Your experience has been different from mine. I knew he always preferred you. That's why I never understood why he never made you his successor."

"It became clear to me lately," she confessed bitterly. "It was all to draw the attention away from him, from what he was doing wrong. The more scandals you created, the more convenient it was for him to conceal his own mishaps, because people were less focused on him. They were all focused on you instead. You had always been a scapegoat. I have only failed to realize it earlier."

How had you never thought of it before? It wasn’t because he thought you were so fitting for that role or so capable of the skills that he kept you in this position despite your reputation. 

It had always been for him. Everything he’d ever done was only for his own benefit. 

How had you been so blind all this time? That was also why he had always threatened you, yet never made your sister the official heiress. 

In the end, you would never have taken over the role of CEO, because he had never truly wanted you to. He would have either ruined the company himself or eventually passed the title on to your sister, leaving her to clean up the mess he’d been creating behind the scenes - if he hadn’t managed to fix it by then himself. And even then, he would have held on to this position until one of you had you rip it from his cold, dead hands.

“He is just as broken as we are since mom’s death,” you said. “What he’s been doing… Let’s try to forgive him and move past this. It doesn’t have to be right now, but we can take baby steps. It is what mom would have wanted.”

As much as you had tried to hate your father, you just couldn’t. His wounds were probably as deep as yours, and what you had been doing to him all throughout the years wasn’t exactly nice either. The only thing left to do was to leave this all behind you and start again, as a family.

"What I said about mom back then…" your sister continued, and you weren't sure whether you were ready for this conversation yet, even though it was long overdue. "It was wrong. I spent the last years trying to come to terms with what I've done to you with my hurtful words… but couldn't bring myself to apologize. I thought you hated me ever since then and I let you, because I felt so guilty. I tried so hard not to feel envious when I saw how much father doted on you. I thought, after what you've been through, you deserved at least that."

Life was so ironic, and your sister was too good of a person. You had been too selfish to have ever given her credit for that. "I thought he doted on you very much all this time, because he always scolded me and praised you, justifiably. I wanted him to make you the heiress, that's why I did all these things to constantly be on the news. I don't want to be the heiress, I never wanted to be. Mom just… talked a lot about it and even in death, I felt responsible to give her at least this. That was also why I have never brought up the courage to step down voluntarily. I thought I would hurt mom's feelings. I'd rather have father strip me of the responsibility once deemed unfit, by him and the public both."

"I'm so sorry," your sister whispered, and the shock in her voice was nearly palpable.

"I never hated you for what you held against me after the accident," you clarified. "You were only a child, full of grief. There was a time I wished it would have been me."

"Please don't say that," she pleaded. "I'd rather have you than no one."

"I wish father would think like that too, because otherwise I don’t know how we will get over this. Sometimes, I see it in his eyes that he wishes mom was still here, with or without me. When he realized how the past months had broken me, I assume he quickly knew where he had gone wrong."

Simultaneously, you moved closer to each other, and you let yourself be held and comforted by your sister for the first time since you were children. You smiled, heart warm with sisterly love.

“I’ll talk to father, and perhaps we can start family therapy sessions soon. It’s long overdue, don’t you think?” She brushed with her hand over your hair. “It’s all going to be okay. You’ll get your old life back.”

The only thing you omitted from her was the fact that you were unsure whether that was even possible in the first place. 

____

September, New York City, USA

"Happy birthday!"

The candle flames flickered before your eyes as the waitress came over with a three-layered cake, and your friends started singing to you.

New friends you had made at the university you had enrolled in for the fall semester. Thanks to your father’s connections, it was a given that you had been accepted long after the regular deadline.

Last month, your sister had been officially named the heiress to your father’s company - under the condition that he would clean up all the corrupt stuff that could affect her. Of course he had complied when it was coming from her. There had been only a few mentions of this change in the newspapers and online, but nothing more. 

As for you… you had bid farewell to your old lifestyle and, with it, disappeared from the media spotlight. Your days no longer revolved around shopping, meeting friends, and partying. You had shifted your focus entirely on your studies and rebuilding a new life, independently from your father's name.

While your bond with your sister had grown and became much better than ever before, you still struggled with the relationship with your father. Where you would consider your sister your best friend now, you would describe your father as a rather distant relative. 

He was trying hard to make amends with you after the therapy sessions had opened his eyes about what his actions had put you through. You were open to forgiving him as you had suggested fixing everything in the first place. But it was harder than you had expected. He knew though, and he was patient.

Your life was perfect again.

Or so it seemed.

People you barely knew and who barely knew you had gathered around a large table in this huge, fancy restaurant. As they sang and celebrated, your eyes searched only for the familiar face of your sister, sitting right among them. Relief washed over you, calming you slightly when you finally spotted her encouraging smile.

She had been the one organizing the party - upon your request. According to your therapist, making new friends and falling back into familiar routines, but also inventing new ones, would help you build a stable life amidst all the wreckage and pain. 

You should be happy on this special day, surrounded by so many people and your sister, sponsored by your father of course. But all you felt was an emptiness that hollowed you out from the inside, regardless of how much you wanted to fill it with joy. 

Pain came and went, but this emptiness sat still, feeding on your emotions like a parasite and growing with each passing day. There was no cure to it, no medicine to make it stop.

You wondered how much time you had left until it would swallow what was left of you since that fateful day in the woods.

"Thank you,” you exclaimed once the singing had stopped and your guests looked at you expectantly. “I'm glad you all have come, I appreciate being able to celebrate this special day with you."

You also wondered when you had come so used to lying straight into people's faces.

As soon as everyone had personally congratulated you, most of whose names you had long forgotten already, you excused yourself to go freshen up in the restroom. But instead, you fled into the lobby of the building, fearing that if you stayed longer among these people, you would lose your mind.

You sat down on a couch, watching people entering and leaving, and wishing to be alone at the same time. You closed your eyes and took rhythmic, deep breaths. Your therapist advised you on doing so whenever your environment felt too overwhelming. She had assured you it would take time, but eventually, you would get adjusted to this life again.

But it felt like time had stopped and you weren't making any progress.

You slowly fluttered your eyes open, and your heart nearly stopped at a sight all too familiar to you.

A tall, young man with broad shoulders and muscular arms, clad in dark clothes. His hair was short again and he was hiding his face beneath the shadow of a black hood. Yet, you could still catch a glimpse of his eyes - and recognized them immediately. After all, you had longed to look into them for such a long time.

You blinked. 

And then, he was gone.

"No!"

You jumped out of your seat and hurried to the pillars across the lobby where you had initially spotted him. But after circling them several times, you couldn't find a single trace of Jaehyun anymore. You ran to the exit door, pushing past people who got in your way.

Had you only hallucinated? Had it been wishful thinking? 

He couldn't be here. He would never come here!

Yet, every day, you had asked yourself whether he was thinking about you as much as you were still thinking about him. 

They said your mind was fooling you. That it continuously tricked you into thinking you had needed him to survive in the woods, being dependent on him for food and water, and you weren't capable of severing the emotional tie between you just yet, because you felt guilty.

But what did they know anyway? 

You had never needed him to survive. 

What you had needed from him was his belief in you - his support and his… love. And he had needed the same from you, with the same intensity, in the same way. You had always been equals.

"Jaehyun!" you yelled when you reached the outside. "Jaehyun!"

A few heads turned in your direction, curious about who was shouting a foreign name, but you didn’t mind them. You spun around, looking left and right in search of the familiar figure. You accidentally ran into people and pushed past them while yelling Jaehyun’s name over and over again. You might have looked insane to bystanders, but you didn’t care.

You were so sure you had seen him, and you were adamant on finding him. You had been accused of many things since your return, but you definitely weren't going crazy!

A strong grip on your arm made you shift around with a sudden wave of hope that nearly swept you away.

"Jae-!"

"What are you doing outside here?" your sister asked with much shock mirrored in her eyes. "Everyone's been worried, because you have been away for so long!"

"Jaehyun!" you announced, nearly out of breath from all the excitement. "I saw him! He was here!"

"What?" Your sister shook her head as though she couldn't believe what you had just said. "Who was here?"

"Jaehyun! I saw him inside! In the lobby! And I'm sure he went outside, I need to find him!"

You wanted to free yourself from your sister's grip, but she was holding you steadily. "He's not here," she said calmly. "It was in your head. He's not here."

"But I've really seen him!" you retorted. "He's been here!"

"If he was inside… don't you think he would have stopped when he saw you?" your sister asked, eyeing you a bit worriedly. "Don't you think he would have approached you instead of hiding and then running away? If he really wanted to see you… if he really was here… don't you think-"

"No!" you objected. "No," you then repeated - a bit quieter - before you started crying.

Your sister pulled you into a hug, right there on the busy streets of New York City. She was right. Jaehyun would never come back here. Not even for you.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," you sobbed in her arms. "Whatever I do, I cannot be happy."

"Perhaps, because you've been lying to yourself," she whispered into your ear for you to hear clearly. "You still love him."

And right there, among the city lights, you stopped lying to yourself any longer.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

____

October, New York City, USA

In one of your old boxes, you found the strawberry chapstick Jaehyun had given you. 

You hadn’t brought yourself to throw it away despite your therapist recommending so. You had been afraid that if you did, you’d lose something so precious that no amount of money could ever replace - yet you couldn’t bear to see it every day, so you had kept it out of sight.

Now, you were glad it was still here. It was your silver lining. 

It took you a week to empty out your entire apartment. You either gave away or donated almost everything inside, and transferred all your money to a secret account only you could access, keeping just a decent amount in cash. You wouldn’t need more.

Then, it was time to bid your family farewell. 

"We've talked about this," your therapist had said, "You know what this is. It's not real."

"As a matter of fact, I've never felt more real than when I was there."

"Do you really want to do this to your family?" she had asked. "After what they've been through to get you back?"

"My sister understands."

"I'm referring to your father."

"He sent me away in the first place, so these are the consequences of his own actions."

Your father didn't understand, unsurprisingly. 

He had threatened to cut off your monthly allowance, take away your apartment and all your benefits, and even have your bank accounts and credit cards frozen. But you had only shrugged off his threats - as if any of it mattered to you anymore. In the end, he hadn’t done any of it, as expected. He was still feeling guilty about what had happened and knew your mother wouldn’t have condoned any of that.

Your father was afraid of losing the last part of you he still had. The only way for him to keep you tied to him was to let you go - so eventually, he did.

The day before your sister drove you to the airport, your father had visited to say goodbye. It was short and reserved, and you were aware there had been many more emotions boiling under his skin - but you gave him credit for hiding them. It was a step forward after all. You had promised to visit on Christmas, and he had promised to prepare your room for you when you did so. 

It was a promise you had made to your sister as well. Every Christmas, you would return to spend the holidays with them. You were sure Jaehyun would let you. And perhaps, one day, he would accompany you to these visits, and they would hopefully welcome him with open arms. But it was a long way until there.

You boarded the plane to Juneau a day later.

There wasn't much that you carried with you. Only a bag pack and another bag with clothes for different seasons, nothing more.

“Don’t you ever dare to turn off your phone!” she told you at the airport. “If you don’t text me at least once a day, I’ll go there and hunt him down myself!”

“Don’t worry,” you reassured her. “I took two powerbanks with me.”

"Good. How will you go from there?" your sister then asked. "Do you know exactly where it is?"

“I know I need to get to Skagway first. From there, I will buy a cheap car and look for that specific road. I think I remember the area... It shouldn’t be that hard. When I arrive, I will send you the location. Just in case.”

She lifted up her hand. “As promised, it’s only for safety. I would never disclose it to anyone.”

You smiled. “I know. Thank you.”

You hugged your sister for a very, very long time. It felt good to have at least one person you could fully trust and completely rely on in the real world. An anchor, in case something went wrong. In case, one day, you woke up and didn’t want all of this anymore, realizing it had been the entire wrong decision. 

But right now, everything felt right. 

____

You arrived in Juneau a little over ten hours later after a short layover in Seattle. 

You rested for a night before going out the next day to buy a cheap car that you could use for the rest of the journey. Since the ferry to Skagway no longer sailed daily at this time of year, you had to wait a few days in Juneau before you could board the next officially scheduled one.

Seven hours later, in the middle of the night, you arrived in Skagway. You wanted to continue your journey the moment you disembarked from the ferry, but you came to your senses when you realized you wouldn’t get very far in the dark. So you booked a room in the only hotel still open during the off-season and waited until morning.

The next morning, you packed your bags into the car and set off early. Before leaving town, you stopped at a supermarket to buy water, blankets, and other supplies you had run out of last winter, as well as things you thought might come in handy like extra bedding for cold nights. You also bought a mini fridge for the summer, just in case.

Your car was fully packed to the brim when you finally took off for your initial destination. You drove around the same area for two hours, trying to find the road Jaehyun had turned onto. It was so narrow and hidden that you had driven past it several times despite knowing that it must have been exactly there. 

When it came down to hiding in plain sight, Jaehyun was a professional.  

Only when you turned your car onto that small, unpaved road leading right into the deep woods, did it finally start to dawn on you what you were exactly doing. And then, you suddenly got scared. You had only thought about yourself and what your family might think. But what about Jaehyun?

What if Jaehyun didn’t want you there anymore?

Your chest felt so tight that you wondered if you needed to stop and take a break to properly breathe again. But then again, the longer you prolonged facing him, the worse your anxiety would get. Even if you could stay with him, even if you eventually decided to return to your family yourself… You needed answers to all the questions nobody else had answers to. 

You needed to know. Right now. 

Time felt distorted, as if you’d been traveling for an entire day, when you spotted the cabin from afar. 

According to the digital clock in the car, three hours had passed in reality. A lump built up in your throat and then sank into your stomach when Jaehyun’s car came into your vision, parked at the usual spot. You slowed your own vehicle down, approaching the house at walking pace. Your eyes didn’t waver from the door, expecting a person to come out at any moment due to the noises you made while driving.

But nobody did. 

Was Jaehyun gone? 

It was peak mushroom season, so perhaps he had gone deeper into the woods to collect a basket full. Perhaps, he was behind the house chopping wood or stacking logs. Perhaps, he was by the stream to do the laundry. Perhaps-

You gasped when the door eventually did open and a tall figure appeared in the entrance door. 

Your hands were shaking when you let go of the steering wheel and opened the door by your side. You thought your legs would give in when you slid down from your seat and your feet touched the bare forest ground. Was it only you or had the temperature dropped? Why were you suddenly so cold?

You already opened your mouth when you remained there, standing close by your vehicle. 

But Jaehyun spoke first.

“How long do you intend to stay?” he asked, slowly coming out of the door into your periphery, so you could see him better. 

You, too, took a few steps forward, but the distance between you remained. No matter how much you wanted to fling yourself into his arms, something was still holding you back. There was no anger in his eyes, no pain. Just pure curiosity and surprise. He had probably already closed this chapter of yours, but you had opened it again.

“Depends on your answers,” you told him, and wondered why you suddenly sounded so out of breath.

He nodded. “You looked so happy on your birthday. I truly haven’t assumed you’d ever come back here.”

“So, you’ve really been there.”

The corner of Jaehyun’s lips tugged up, just slightly, and he lifted his chin. “Since you disappeared from all the news, I personally needed to make sure you were okay and living a happy life. I needed to make sure you moved on. It seemed like you did.”

“I never did.”

“Not even after you found out the truth?” he questioned you. “The fact that lied to you about not having contact with your father? About your family searching for you?” 

“Tell me what happened,” you urged him. “Tell me why you did what you did. Why you didn’t tell me. I want to hear it from you.”

Jaehyun took a long pause in which you could hear the rustling of the fallen leaves and the chirping of the free birds. No noisy cars, no noisy people, no noisy lights. 

“Because I was scared” he eventually responded, too quiet, ashamed. “On Christmas Eve, I intended to inform you that it was all over. That you were free to go home. But when you told me about your feelings, I thought… why not let her come to terms with them first. Then you confessed your love to me a few days later, and I thought… why not let our relationship stabilize first. Then, winter came and I thought I couldn’t bring you back at this time of the year, because the weather was so unpredictable and it was dangerous. So… why not wait for spring. I ignored your father’s attempts to reach me, because it was the easiest way to avoid confronting reality. Always, I came up with excuses, because I was so afraid of losing you once you knew there was a possibility of going back. I was afraid you’d leave me the moment you got the chance to.”

You drew your brows together in a frown. “I told you I made up my mind, didn’t I? Did you think I lied? Did you not trust me?”

“Of course I did!” And Jaehyun quickly corrected himself, “I do.”

“Apparently not. You said you’d let me go and wouldn’t keep me here against my will,” you countered, “but in the end, you did exactly that.”

“No, it was not like that! I never made that decision for you. I just wanted you to make one yourself, without being influenced by your father.”

“But you influenced me, can’t you see?” His eyes widened as though he had really not known you felt that way. “You made me believe my family didn’t look for me, that they didn’t want to contact me all while knowing the exact opposite was going on.”

Jaehyun dropped his head in defeat. “I’m so sorry. I was just so scared you’d change your mind… I didn’t want to lose you too after losing everyone. If you had known, how would you have decided? Against me, right?”

You saw where he was coming from, really. He was far away from his estranged family, had lost his friends in an accident and was now all alone. He didn’t know how to handle his needs, his wants… his love anymore. All he knew was that if he wanted something - or someone - he needed to hold onto it and protect it for as long as he could.

But that didn’t give him a right to act the way he had acted towards you, and you had to tell him clearly outright.

“I really wanted to talk to my father about my decision to stay here, and I wanted to tell him myself. Whether I would have been influenced by his actions back then if only I had known they were already searching for me, I cannot say. Perhaps I would have, perhaps not. But even then, I already made up my mind and I, still, stay by it. Despite having been back to my old life. Despite everything, I’m back here. Doesn’t this say it all?” Jaehyun pricked up his ears as you continued, ”My father has not always made the best decisions, certainly not in the past few months. But he did make a few right ones among the many wrong ones. One of them was making my sister the heiress. And the other one was choosing you for me.”

Jaehyun deadpanned, “I don’t think he shares your opinion.”

“No, he certainly doesn’t,” you confirmed. “He explained to me that he had ordered you not to say a single word about the fact that you were in constant contact over a phone. So, I get that part up until Christmas Eve. But the rest… Jaehyun, I-... To a point, I comprehend. I feel where your fears were coming from. But have I ever given you a reason to doubt my feelings? I stayed when it was so cold, I could barely sleep at night. I stayed when we only had oats to eat for days. I stayed when I found suspicious tools, thinking you would have kidnapped me. I stayed when you rejected my feelings. Despite not getting a sign from my father, I could have always escaped if only I wanted it enough.”

“I never had bad inventions, please believe me. I didn’t want to cause anyone, especially not you, pain. I was too selfish. It just felt too good to be true,” he admitted. “Like a dream. And when that accident happened, I knew I couldn’t continue dreaming any longer. I thought it was better if you remembered me as the person they portray me to be in the news. Like that, you wouldn’t have suffered - only me, like I deserve. But now you’re here… Why are you here? Did you come to get your answers and will now leave again?”

You inhaled sharply, suddenly nervous again. “Like I said back then, I have decided to stay here. It took me a while, but I came back with the intention to stay. With or without your influencer, this is my decision.”

You watched Jaehyun’s Adam’s Apple bop up and down. “You know what they say this is… When you return to someone wh-”

“Do you think so too?” you interrupted him. “Do you think I’ve returned, because I feel dependent on you? I’ve returned out of guilt? That I’ve alluded myself into thinking I love you, but in reality, it’s some co-dependency I’ve developed throughout the time I was here? Tell me the truth. Tell me you think so and I will immediately get into the car and never set foot here again.” 

“You know the truth as much as I do,” he said slowly. “I just wonder why you still want to be with me. After all, I’m a bad person.”  

“If you are, then so I am, because I left my old life and my family behind to live with you here from now on.”

Jaehyun seemed honestly very much confused. “I just don’t know why.”

“Because you’ve seen me at my worst and turned me into someone worth loving despite all my faults. You showed me to accept and love myself when nobody else did. You showed me the beauty of myself and of this world when I was too blind to see all that. And you loved me all throughout that. How could I not love you too?”

Jaehyun took a step in your direction. “Because I lied to you. Because I want you all to myself only. And because all I was able to give you was a strawberry chapstick from the gas station when other people can give you the world and so much more.”

Your hand reached into the pocket of your jacket where you felt the small item he had referred to. It meant the entire world to you. You didn’t need more than that. 

“I’ve been given the entire world,” you said. “And it has never been enough. It has never made me happy. Here, with you… this is what makes me feel happy and fulfilled. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

“Do you… forgive me?” Jaehyun took another step towards you. Then another one. “Do you… trust me?”

You could have answered both questions with yes, but you didn’t want to give him this full reassurance just yet. After all, he had hurt you deeply. But you were here, and you were willing to try. If everything went down, you were always free to go. There would always be this back door this time. 

You never knew what the future held. Perhaps, in a few months, in a few years, you’d have enough and wanted to leave. Perhaps, Jaehyun wanted it too. But until then, you would put your entire will and heart into settling here.

“I brought you a phone,” you changed the topic instead. “You will use it to call your family. I talked to them. They are worried dead about you.”

Jaehyun sounded honestly shocked. “I broke contact in fear they would blame me for the accident just like everyone else. I didn’t think-” He faltered.

Jaehyun had to learn how to stop making decisions for other people out of fear of being rejected or left. Love stemmed from a lot of emotions, and several ones of them were trust, belief and loyalty. His past had broken him to the point of rejecting the people who loved him or caging them instead. And neither was healthy. 

“If someone loves you, you have to keep faith in them, Jaehyun,” you explained. “Your family will forgive you, because they love you. They long have. You don’t have to interfere in any way.”

“And you?” He took another step forward, shortening your distance and asking again, “After all, you still love me too, you came back. Then, will you forgive me too? Someday? Please just give me that. I cannot stay around you, knowing you will secretly blame me for the rest of your life.”

He was right. You wanted to tell him, but couldn’t bring yourself to do so right now. Everything was so new, you had to start over from here. It was not the right timing when you had just arrived and your tumultuous feelings hadn’t quite settled yet. 

He deserved to know, of course. But the wound was still fresh. You could feel it healing already though. Perhaps, faster than you had assumed.

“Yes,” you then answered. Perhaps in a few months, in a few weeks, perhaps tomorrow already. “I will.”

Jaehyun closed the distance between you and pulled you into a warm hug. You had thought you were home in New York City, but home had been here the entire time. 

Home was the sound of rustling trees in the distance and chirping birds in the sky. Home was the rushing of the stream and the flicker of the fireplace. Home was waking up to crisp air and going to bed watching the stars. Home was the sound of Jaehyun chopping wood and the scent of pines attached to him at all times.

You felt Jaehyun’s warm lips right on the parting of your hair and you feared your heart was going to burst with happiness. 

“That’s enough for me,” he whispered and you could feel his embrace tightening around you, his warm breath on your head. “I can wait. As long as you stay by my side.”

The world might see you as bad people, but neither of you were. Not here. 

There was Jaehyun, and there was you - two people who had never quite fit into a world that demanded more than you could give. You had needed to survive, Jaehyun had needed to survive. You no longer owed anything to the world or its people.

Now, you would build your own little world. And you would live.

Right here, in the Alaskan woods.

____

Look at you.

You sleep so safely and soundly next to me, as if you haven’t come apart beneath me just hours ago. The moonlight illuminates your soft features, and I lift up my hand to trace the outline of your face - but I hesitate.

What if this is a dream and you vanish the moment I touch you? 

After everything I’ve done, you cannot be here. 

For many months, I have dreamed you would come back despite knowing that you had no reason to. I’ve always been a selfish person, and I secluded myself from the rest of the world so I wouldn’t hurt or disappoint anyone dear to me ever again.

Yet, I’ve done this to you. I lied to you, because I was afraid of losing you. Because I didn’t believe in your love enough. After all, how could anyone love someone like me?

But…

Look at you.

You came back to me.

When I first built this cabin, I couldn't imagine anyone else stepping a foot inside. Just the thought of you being here with me made my skin crawl, but I couldn’t reject the money your father had offered me. It was just a few weeks, I could endure it, I had thought. 

I expected to deal with a spoiled, bratty princess who didn’t care about anyone and anything. Honestly, it would have made things way easier for me. But you cared, you always have. 

You brought me a coke when I hadn't asked for it, just because you thought I might like it. You stopped me from culling a deer, because you felt like it would die for vain. You thanked every small animal for its sacrifice when you found it in your trap, because you felt bad for it. You learned to adapt to a lifestyle unfamiliar to you and didn’t complain about the need to abstain from luxury. You showed me the scars you had hidden from everyone and all the invisible pain you were still carrying around. 

You were nothing like the media portrayed you. And that was when my downfall began. When I realized not everyone in this world is so full of hatred. That there was still beauty in it if only I looked closely enough. My only mistake was that I didn’t know what to do once I discovered it. 

The day of your accident, I painfully realized that you weren’t safe with me, out here in the woods. You were so inexperienced, so fragile, I would need to fear losing you every day due to circumstances I have no influence on like back then when you nearly fell off the cliff. You have been through so much already, I shouldn’t add on to your scars. So I brought you back to where your family was, where you were safe. 

Yet, I couldn’t let you go. 

I drove into town every other day to check the magazines and newspapers. I even went to the library and used their computers to look around the internet for a sign of you. But despite the initial news about your so-called abduction, you never appeared in the media again - and neither did I. You didn’t reveal my location, my identity. Were you protecting me this entire time?

I needed to know what you were doing, if you were safe, if you were… happy. Even without me. Perhaps, like this, it would have been easier for me to move on as well. So I had to make sure about that myself and drove all the way back to New York City.

I hate the reckless people, the bustling streets, and the bright city lights. But you seemed so happy on your birthday, so I put all my hatred aside. If you loved it here, then I would support it. If you have decided to stay here, then I would let you. 

But look at you. 

You are now lying next to me. 

And as I finally trace the soft skin on your face, I let out a quiet sigh of relief. You are still here, and you are real. This is all real.  

I flinch when I suddenly feel something soft on my cheek. Your warm hand. I didn’t know you were awake.

“Can’t sleep?” you ask, and I smile. 

“I’m afraid that if I wake up, you will be gone.”

You wrap your arms around me and pull me down to you. With a sleepy voice, you whisper, “I won’t go anywhere. In the morning, I will still be here. And the next morning, and the next morning… Believe me.”

“I believe you.”

I know I don’t deserve an ounce of your forgiveness. 

before you can even gasp, a thick arm locks around your waist, pulling your back flush against a broad, solid chest. his free hand slams over your mouth, muffling your scream into your own skin. he's so much bigger than you that your toes barely graze the pavement as he hoists you up, dragging you into the mouth of a pitch-black alleyway.

"shh... shh... it's okay, pretty. i got you" he starts cooing, his voice a soft, terrifying contrast to the strength of his grip.

he slams you forward, pinning your chest against the cold brick wall. for a split second, he lets go of your mouth, but only to grab both of your wrists, yanking them up and pinning them with a single hand. the moment you try to squirm, a sob building in your throat, his palm is back over your mouth, pressing your head into the wall.

"shut. up."

his voice is rough now, a jagged rasp right against your ear that sends a cold shiver down your spine. he leans his weight into you, crushing you against the bricks so you can feel every inch of him.

"you’'e always so tired after your friday nights, darling" he murmurs, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. "stop wasting your energy trying to fight me off."

the way he says it—so casual, so sure—makes your blood run cold. he hasn't just been following you. he's been studying you. and now that he finally has you in the dark, he has no intention of letting his favorite subject go.

you try to kick, to twist your hips away from the cold brick, but it only makes it worse. the movement just brings you closer to him, and you feel the heavy, solid length of him straining against his pants, pressing right into the small of your back. he lets out a low, dark chuckle at your struggle, his hips starting a slow, torturous grind that pins you even firmer against the wall.

"keep doing that" he breathes, his voice thick with a sudden, dangerous heat. "see what happens."

he yanks at the hem of your uniform, the fabric bunching up until he can force the corner of your own shirt into your mouth. "bite down" he commands, his fingers lingering to make sure you're muffled. "if i hear a single word—a single scream—things are going to end very badly for you. understand?"

you can only nod frantically, the taste of the fabric dry in your mouth. as soon as he knows you're quiet, his free hand isn't wasted. he slides it under your shirt, his palm rough and hot as he finds your breast, squeezing and kneading the soft skin with a possessive grip that makes your head light.

he doesn't wait. he doesn't even bother with your clothes yet.

he just starts to drive his hips into you, a rhythmic, heavy pounding through the layers of denim and cotton. the friction is intense, blunt and demanding. every time he hits home, he lets out a jagged, broken moan right into the crook of your neck, his teeth grazing your skin.

"you're so small" he growls, his hand tightening on your chest as he picks up the pace, the sound of his heavy breathing and the wet thud of his hips echoing in the narrow alley. "i've been thinking about how this would feel for three weeks. don't you dare stop moving for me now."

he lets go of your wrists, but you don't run. you can't. "hold yourself up" he mutters, his voice a dark thread of authority. "hands on the wall. don't let them move."

you obey, fingers scratching at the rough brick as silent, hot tears track down your face and disappear into the fabric of the shirt bunched in your mouth. you're shaking so hard the brick feels like it's vibrating, but anton is a solid, unmoving wall of heat behind you.

you hear the sharp click of a belt, the rustle of fabric, and then the biting chill of the night air hits your skin as he yanks your pants and panties down in one swift, impatient motion. they pool around your ankles, leaving you completely exposed to him in the dark.

his hand slides between your thighs, fingers ghosting over your entrance, and he lets out a sharp, jagged hiss of breath. you're already dripping, your own body betraying you from the sheer, terrifying adrenaline of it all. he circles your clit once, twice, smearing the slickness everywhere.

"look at that" he growls, the sound vibrating through your spine. "so wet for me already. you knew this was coming, didn't you, pretty? you've been waiting for me to catch you."

the fact that you're ready for him only makes him more feral. he doesn't bother with a slow build. he reaches down, his massive hands locking around your waist and hoisting your small frame up effortlessly. your feet dangle, uselessly searching for the pavement as he 'hugs' your hips, pinning your front even harder against the wall.

he pulls his own pants down, the heat of him finally touching you directly. he rubs the head of his cock against your opening, dragging it through your wetness to coat himself before he gives one violent, heavy shove.

you let out a muffled, high-pitched sob into the shirt as he drives into you, filling you completely in one go. he doesn't give you time to adjust. he just buries his face in your hair, his hands bruising your hips as he starts to move, his entire weight crushing you against the alley wall with every deep, relentless stroke.

the alleyway is filled with the wet, rhythmic sound of him bottoming out inside you, mixed with the jagged, broken whimpers you can't keep behind the fabric in your mouth. he's so much bigger than you that his shadow completely swallows yours against the brick, his broad shoulders blocking out the dim light from the street.

his chest is a solid wall against your back, every heavy thrust jolting your entire frame. your legs dangle uselessly, kicking at the air as he holds your full weight with just his hands clamped on your waist. you're nothing but a toy in his grip, a little doll he's finally allowed to play with after weeks of watching from afar.

"that's it" he moans, the sound vibrating through your skin. he pulls back just to slam home again, harder this time. "take it all, pretty. you're built so perfectly for me. i knew you'd fit just like this."

he starts cooing then, voice dropping into that terrifyingly sweet tone he used when he first grabbed you. he nuzzles into the crook of your neck, inhaling the scent of your hair as you let out a shaky, high-pitched cry.

"look at you, shaking so much" he murmurs, lips grazing your earlobe. "such a good girl for holding the wall. i'm so proud of you, darling. so worth the wait."

his hands shift, one leaving your hip to slide up and grip your shoulder, pulling you back even tighter against him so there's absolutely no space left between you. the friction is overwhelming, and he's loving every second of your weakness—the way your fingers scrape uselessly at the brick, the way your small cries turn into desperate, muffled sobs.

"shh, don't cry" he whispers, though his movements are anything but gentle. "i've got you. anton's got you. you don't ever have to worry about those long walks home alone anymore. i'll be right there. every. single. night."

he lets out a long, guttural growl, his pace becoming frantic and messy as he nears the end, his large frame trembling with the effort of keeping his composure as he uses you exactly how he's been dreaming of for weeks.

the way your body responds to him is the ultimate betrayal—the terror and the adrenaline have peaked into a desperate, white-hot friction you can't escape. your inner muscles clenching around him, rhythmically pulsing as the first waves of your climax hit. you're sobbing into the shirt, your head spinning as he feels you come apart for him.

"yeah, that's it" he rasps, voice breaking as he feels you tighten. "give it all to me. you're so loud for me, pretty."

the moment he feels your walls twitching and milking him, he goes feral. he yanks his hand from your shoulder, his palm slamming against the front of your throat—not to choke you, but to pin you firmly, his thumb pressing into your windpipe just enough to make you gasp. he needs you still. he needs you to feel every bit of his weight as he reaches his own limit.

his other arm hooks violently around your waist, bicep bulging as he yanks you backward, your spine arching away from the wall and right into his broad chest. he's holding you so tight it feels like he might break you, your feet dangling and twitching in the air as he gives three more heavy, bottoming-out shoves.

he let out a long, guttural roar into the night air, his body locking up as he fills you. the heat of him is overwhelming, a flood that leaves you feeling heavy and branded. his fingers stay curled around your throat for a long second, his head dropped onto your shoulder as he heaves for air, his chest vibrating against your back.

Mark's pending university application email sat unopened on his computer screen for the past five minutes. He was too scared to open it, too scared to see if his long thought out decision was right or a mistake. Mark was secretly hoping for rejection, hoping that the writing program he applied for in New York was denied. However, deep down, he secretly hoped for acceptance, moving to New York, being in his own apartment, or a dorm, living the university life he never got to experience.

Don't get him wrong, he loves his life, he loves being in Korea, making music in his small studio that was just the spare room in his apartment he had no other use for. Mark loves music, he loves it so much that he moved to a new place in order to peruse it, however, no matter how fulfilling it was, it wasn't as satisfying as he thought. There was something missing, something he planned so long ago that he gave it up on a whim. Silently, over the past ten years, regret for what could've been hit him during a random Wednesday night.

He was working on a song, one for fun, at least he tried to do it for fun and it just wasn't anymore. Every note was wrong, every lyric was a horrible rhyme, every beat was endless and the song was a mess of melodies that clashed instead of harmonizing. It was so late and he slowly began to think, what if he stopped. What if music, as much as it lived for him, he no longer lived for it? The passion, the care, the life it once had was slowly dying in him.

"Mark?" Your subtle voice echoed in his studio, the only light source coming from his monitor system as he looked over at you. "What're you still doing up?" You asked, gently opening the door more as you walked in.

You were asleep in his bed, staying for the night as you didn't have a class the next morning. Three years into your PhD and you needed a break from the four walls of your apartment. So, when you ranted about your stress to your boyfriend, he instantly asked if you wanted to spend the night, knowing that sleeping with a warm body next to you, you slept a little better than a cold bed alone.

"Nothing, just, trying a new beat" He replied, sighing with exhaustion as he looked back at the monitor. "It's not coming out the way I wanted" Marks mumbled barely heard as you stood behind his chair, looking at the bright monitor with him.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he decided enough was enough, giving up as he turned off his monitor and looked up at you.

"Come on, let's go to bed" He said with a soft smile, you looked at him with furrowed brows.

"You sure?" You asked, wanting to be sure he did want to sleep. Mark was an endless worker, constantly making music, working through writers block with lyrics and working through projects that didn't sound right until they did. It was rare for him to stop and move on. He nodded as he stood up, taking your hand and leading you to his room.

As you slept soundly in his arms, Mark laid awake, his mind ruminating with thoughts and constant what ifs. He remember when he decided to study in Korea, wanting to chase music, a young boy just wanting to chase his passion, wanting to leave the world he once knew, the life he once wanted behind to have another one. However, for some reason, this night he thought about what could've been his other life in Canada.

College, dorms, writing, literature, and the smell of books. Music would still be there, but it would've been quieter, softer. He didn't know, it just isn't the same anymore. Mark fantasized that night about what his life would've been like if he didn't move here. What kind of clubs would he join? Who would his friends be? What kind of person would he be? Is he still the same, or is he different? Would he make music or just write books? Speaking of, would he go further in his Literature degree? Be like you and get a PhD?

You.

Mark glanced down at his chest, seeing your head on him, sleeping so soundly and peacefully. You've been dating for the past four years, just now having talks about moving in with one another. At first, the idea was everything he thought about, all he wanted, living with you, his favorite person. Your lives were already so intertwined with one another, how you would study in his studio as he worked on music, how he'd spend nights at your apartment or you at his.

Somedays he'd look at you and know he was supposed to meet you in this life time. You were a purpose in his life, a point in time he wanted to live in forever. Ever since he first saw you, it was like time moved faster, the world continued to spin and people continued to move, but you both were still in silence. Your relationship was peaceful, harmonious. Sure, you both had your petty arguments, some that even ended in tears and hurt, however you both grew from them rather than apart. You were like vines, growing into each other, intertwining like your fingers when you held hands.

So, when he began to fantasize about another life time, he realized if he wasn't here, he never would've met you, never kiss you, know you. You wouldn't be his, not in his life, his arms, his words, in his music. Your trace wouldn't exist and that hurt him more than he thought. He'd rather have your trace slowly leave than for it to never exist. One thing was true though, you did exist, you were in his life time, you were still here. It's just, he can't help but wonder if he could change his mind.

Was it allowed? To change your path after so long? He's only 26, he's still so young, still has so much life left in him. Mark is allowed to change his mind, allowed to want something more than what he has now. If he can do it, isn't it justified? Shouldn't he just do it? Maybe, he'll sleep on it for now.

However, sleeping on it never made a final decision. He thought about it for months, so many months as the days bled together as every song he made was lifeless and his listeners could tell, you could tell. Something wasn't right anymore.

"Maybe you should take a break" You suggested over dinner, take out boxes littered his kitchen table as you both ate in the dim lighting of your apartment. "Music was fun for you Mark, a way to escape, now it just looks like a deadline for you"

"I do have deadlines" He mumbled out, tired from a long day at the studio. "I don't know, it's just, we're not clicking anymore. Music and I. It just, we're not the same anymore"

"I get that" You replied, empathizing with him as some days you also feel a disconnect with your degree. Sure, it's a passion, it's your life, you breathe together, but even you have your own what ifs. However, you know your degree is right, because at the end of the day, it's the one thing you always come back to, the one thing that still clicks even when everything else, every what if doesn't.

It's just not that way with Mark. No matter how hard he tries, how long he spends in the studio, playing chords, messing with melodies, it isn't working. There's no click, no dopamine, nothing, just echos of what once was. A broken relationship he didn't think he saw coming until it hit him like a truck. He doesn't want to do music anymore, he can't force something that isn't connecting like it once did.

"How do you do it?" He asked, looking up at you. You raised your brows, a little confused at his question. "Your degree, it consumes your life and you haven't needed a break yet. What keeps you going? Pushing so hard for it?"

You took in his questions, his heavy words and you could tell he was looking for a reason. A reason to stop, to accept the fate he is slowly coming face to face with. "It was never a push for me. Despite what could've been, I know I'd never be as fulfilled in my life like I am right now. Learning what I'm learning, it's like wings rather than an anchor tying me down"

"Wings?"

"I fly when I learn, not drown" You replied, his whole world shifting as he realized how drowning music was. How suffocating and painful it was turning out to be.

Sure, he flew once with it, the pure happiness in the beginning, however he was just hovering over the ground, not soaring like you are. So, when he left your apartment that night he decided to do something different, do something for himself and do something he thought was an alternative universe, not one that was supposed to play out. Maybe that's the magic in all of it, that sometimes a path chosen isn't the right one and the one that is comes later in life and maybe that's okay.

New York University was always a what if for Mark. Wanting to be in the creative writing track, growing up thinking he would be an author when he was older, not a musician. Words was the thing he always came back to, even when his lyrics held no rhythm or rhymes, it was the part he found enjoyable. The part he'd do when he needed to connect again, even if it wasn't lyrics and just a random string of words, it filled him more than strumming away on his guitar. 

So, he opened the application for the following year, did everything he needed to do and spent the whole night on his essay for admissions. He spoke about his life, how he thought his path was music, how it filled him with life only for now, at the beautiful age of 26, he realized that music, although gave him so many memories for ten years, was only supposed to be that. It was only supposed to last ten years, nothing more. However, writing, that was forever. Ever since he was child, he'd write, middle school, he'd write, every second of his day he thought of things to write down, spent his days in his head as he conjured up something to jot down.

Now here he was, starring at the email that would make or break his whole world. Make or break you, his love. You both were looking at apartments together, finally found one you were looking for. It was perfect, it had two rooms, character, a window looking out into Seoul, a kitchen you could see yourself dancing in with Mark when you had a late night craving, a bathroom you could envision brushing your teeth together and a living room where Mark would laying on you on the couch watching a movie or a show you've been meaning to watch on your list.

You could see your life here with him. Maybe a dog, you always wanted one, at least you and Mark spoke about having one that it felt like you wanted one since forever. The bricks held history in your mind, the ones that made up the walls. It had a soul, a new chapter and new souls living with it.

It's just a real shame that you won't be able to see that future come into fruition. This is because as Mark finally grew the courage to click on the email, he saw the beautiful words that changed everything for him.

You've been accepted.

Oh my God. He got in, Mark got into the school he dreamed about since he was young, with a degree plan he's craved since he could breathe. The universe clearly wanted him to write, wanted him to create stories and share it with people. It's why he made music in the first place, to connect and share with people what he thought was an original thought, but was a universal feeling. Now, he got to have that in a different medium. However, New York isn't in Korea. Why didnt he apply to schools in Korea? He honestly never thought much of it, just going with his what ifs in his mind. New York is an ocean away, a continent away. It was practically another world away from you. From the apartment you were dreaming about signing on in the next couple days.

What was he going to tell you?

You were buzzing with excitement as you heard Mark's familiar knock on your door. It was a surprise hang out, you both had a set schedule of when to see each other. Wednesdays were ice cream dates, Friday's were dinner dates, and Saturday were lazy days together, usually taking it slow with coffee in the morning and making breakfast together. It was domestic, sweet and made you wonder what your married life would be.

You both spoke about it, had minor talks here and there. How Mark wanted to be a father, always imagining a little girl running around his house, the patter of her feet as he would chase her around. How he'd want to see you change and grow, become the woman you'll be. It wasn't a what if at the time, it was set in stone, it was the future he planned and knew would come.

Now? Not so much. "Mark!" Your face on that Monday night was engraved in his mind. It's one he'll never forget, even years from now. "Come in" You said, letting him in as he gave you a small smile, knowing he was about to murder your mood with a few words.

You had made him dinner, having a few extra minutes after you finished your work. He could smell it, smell the food, the passion you had for him, knowing the future you were so close to having was about to end.

"So, why'd you come over?" You asked, happily putting some food on his plate as he shifted in his seat awkwardly.

His own chopsticks starring at him from the table, showing how much your lives were connected that he had his own utensils here. His toothbrush sitting unused in a cup with yours, his hoodies and shorts or jeans folded neatly smelling like you in a spare drawer you cleared for him. Mark's trace was laced in your apartment, as was yours in his. Your hair clips scattered in his room, a spare toothbrush in his space, some jewelry you accidentally left there glistening on his night desk, or the faint smell of your perfume lingering on his sheets and pillow. You were everywhere and so was he.

"I applied to University" Mark confessed, your eyes instantly shooting up at him, shocked because this was the first you're hearing of it, but happy for him. He looked up and noticed the shock turn to happiness and it gutted him. Just as you were about to say something, a congratulations, a question, or a compliment, he stopped it immediately with a mere statement. "In New York and I got in"

It's funny how you can build something and then you just watch it crumble instantly. All that hard work, those years spent taking care of it, placing each brick so carefully in order to not ruin the integrity, only for all else to fail and an outside source crumbles it to the ground. Even though he hasn’t said anything else, if he accepted, if he was going, deep down you knew he was. You knew he was leaving Korea, his life, music, you. The new chapter you thought you were going to enter with him slowly got its words deleted as Mark his the backspace with the silence he led on.

As hurt as you are, knowing that he made a decision, a life change, one without you in it, you were still happy for him. You saw how music shifted from this moment of peace, a calling in his life to a chore, a routine he no longer looked forward to. You knew he loved writing, you knew it was the one thing that kept him locked with music, the way words could generate such powerful feelings, that it only made sense that when music wasn’t enough, he’d continue with being an author. Mark always had a way with words, it’s how he got to you in the first place. How he spoke to you, spoke which such grace and care. Marks words were his heart, his soul, everything. They could move mountains, create an aurora borealis, and most of all? make you fall in love.

Love was a funny thing, beautiful and yet so humorous. How you could meet a stranger one day, only to realize how much you care for them in a couple months to then realizing you love them. How soft it is, comfortable and healing. Mark healed you in so many ways that you didn’t think was possible. You thought you’d have forever with Mark, have a life with him. You assumed you’d get married, have children, grow old together, however maybe it was just a moment in time where you realize that love is so much more than holding onto someone who clearly can’t stay.

Even though, if you said the words, Mark would stay for you. You knew that, and he knew that, if you uttered the words, he’d stay. However, if he stayed, you knew he’d be unhappy and then slowly resent you. You didn’t want that, you want Mark to be happy, you want him to live his life the way it should play out, even if it means being so far away from you, or living without you.

“I’m happy for you” You spoke after silence, Mark waiting for the screams, the tears, the fight and break up. He expected sadness, anger and hate, a catastrophe.

However, he knew if that happened, you wouldn’t be the girl he fell in love it and still loves. Mark knows you too well, he knows your thought process, knows what you feel before you even feel it. If there was an exam on you, Mark would pass with every color in the rainbow and then some. He knew what you were saying, he knew you were telling him to go, to live his life, to find his true and honest purpose.

“I’m so sorry” It was his deepest and most ernest apology you’ve ever experienced. This one was different, his apologies are heavy, you feel it when he says he’s sorry, you feel his guilt, you feel his regret. This sorry though? This one wasn’t guilt or regret, it was sad, nostalgic in a way. He was saying sorry for not continuing a plan he once had with you, he’s apologizing for choosing himself. It’s an apology that has no right to exist.

“Never be sorry for choosing a life you know will bring you nothing but happiness” You told him, tears burning in your eyes as the life you had with him flashed through your mind.

The laughter, the songs, the chaos, and the love. It all went through your mind, your first kiss, the first date and the first time he held your hand. How he asked you out, how he asked you to be his, and how he stuck by you for so many years, never forgetting to tell you that he loves you. He loves you so much and you love him. The funny thing about love is that it’s something you learn to let go because how can you keep it captive? Captivity is cruel, you never want to be cruel with love. If love is letting go, then you’d rather watch him fly than captured.

Mark reached out his hand to hold yours, the warmth a last remind of him. A last touch before his new life begins. “We’ll see each other again one day”

“I hope you find what you long for, Mark”

*gigi speaks*

playlist: ✧ need to know ; doja cat ✧ tio ; zayn ✧ entertainer ; zayn ✧ common ; zayn ✧ rear view ; zayn ✧ you wish you knew ; zayn ✧ swim ; chase atlantic

notes: i hope you enjoy it and sorry for my bad english T-T english isn't my first language so pls forgive me if i had some grammar errors bc i'm still learning😁🙏 and yeah i love zayn 😭

“being a virgin in high school isn’t a big deal, y/n” that’s what your friend, kang saeran said, at that moment she was a virgin as well, but once both of you graduated, she slept with her boyfriend. damn liar. you thought because nowadays you were in your sophomore year in college and still nothing of action.

yeah, you had some boyfriends in the past, but never took the next step and had sex, maybe because you were afraid or because you thought that you wanted to be a virgin until you got married to the man you loved… how wrong you were.

none of your childhood friends went to the same college as you. that feels like starting from zero again. as a birthday present, your parents rented a small room for you close to the college, so you can become more independent and have your own space and avoid all the troubles with the roomies at the college sorority. 

at some point, you were excited, because you started to imagine all the privacy you would have and that meant one thing; have sex whenever you like. but the sad reality was other, you were always busy with school tasks and barely had time to hang out with friends, also add that you just went on some dates but nothing else. It’s like men weren’t interested in you in a sexual way, even in a romantic way. but, come on! you were pretty, funny, and have great music taste, what the hell is wrong with them then? 

“when did you lose your virginity, y/n?” you almost choked with your bubble tea when jinsol asked that without any filter, as if it were anything at all, maybe it was for her, but you… damn, you were a fucking virgin as hell. 

“perhaps she’s a virgin” jungeun mutters and giggled, you gave her a dirty look. 

“shut up, and nope, i’m not a virgin.” you lied, staring at your friend with confidence in your eyes, you thought your performance was too good because both girls looked at you expectantly for you to continue with your revelation. “was with my ex-boyfriend from high school, we had sex after the graduation party, on the couch at his parents' house” jinsol frowned and jungeun couldn't help but let out a laugh, although she tried to cover her mouth when jinsol nudged her, sorry, she said biting her lips as if she was avoiding at all costs not to laugh at you.

“wow… too much information if i can tell…” it was what jinsol said, on the inside, you were dying of shame, why should you have stuck your tongue out and said that? besides, you were unintentionally exposing how kang saeran lost her virginity. at least they didn't know her, so the ethics can be screwed if they want to. 

“well… it’s the first time i've told you this so… i’m sorry if it sounds weird to you”

“it did” jungeun mocked of you once again. 

“bitch, you’re starting to piss me off” you pointed your finger at jungeun in a threatening manner, maybe you were getting defensive, but you had to protect your secret from now on. "why don't you tell us how you lost your virginity?" 

since then, you and your friends have talked little to nothing about her active sex life at the moment. now and then, jungeun tells them that she will go on a date with some random dude on tinder and won't return to the sorority until the next day. she doesn't care about the sanctions she receives. jinsol is a beauty in the social science department and most of the guys have a huge crush on her, however, she recently started dating qian kun, an exchange boy in the music department, while you, well, you are in good health and doing well in your studies.

summer days are coming and that means summer vacations, you could return to your parent’s house or maybe apply for a job near the college. today was friday and your first class started at 9:30 am, it's still early so you decided to make a little stop at Starbucks on your way to the college. you ordered the usual; iced mocha. you took a seat near the window while checking your instagram feed, behind you were sitting some girls from the same department as you, you recognized one of them as park sooyoung, one of the college goddesses, she was barely wearing makeup and still looked too beautiful, her lips were pigmented in a strong red that stood out with her milky skin. she was laughing with her friends, you didn't avoid paying attention to the other's conversation when you heard the word sex.

“is he really as good as they said? i heard he can last up to five rounds in bed” 

“it was spectacular, have you heard that phrase that says “he would makes you see stars”? well, it was like that” sooyoung covered both cheeks realizing the blush that was appearing on her face. the other girls squealed and congratulated her.

“i heard about a rumor going around the frat that said that if you sleep with him, it’s 100% sure you’ll cum within five minutes” they squealed again and sooyoung kept nodding.

what you didn’t understand was, who the fuck are they talking about? thousands of images came to your mind, trying to give shape to the man they were describing, how prominent or spectacular he must be to have such abilities as if he were a god or something.

“i’m telling you girls, having sex with the leader of the boxing club was the best thing i could have done, besides, i would like to go out on a date with him, he’s not only good in bed, he’s also very attractive, at least i want to see him once again” that was what sooyoung said with a smile on her face, everything about her seemed to glow, is that the result of a good fuck? 

you thought about the boxing club- you didn’t even know there was a boxing club at the college, to begin with, let alone know who the leader is, but he must be someone good-looking as the rumors said. you didn’t give the matter any more thought and headed to the college, straight to your first class.

but your mind wouldn’t leave you alone and started to imagine all the possible faces and bodies that could be assimilated by someone handsome knows how to fuck and who, undoubtedly, must have a good body because he’s a boxer. you wish for a moment you hadn’t listened to that conversation that had nothing to do with you. oh, you did. in the end, you would regret it, because that night, your friends would invite you to a frat party to celebrate the arrival of summer and when you had too much alcohol in your system, the others decided it was a great idea to play “truth or dare” with an empty soju bottle that was there.

it was the turn of taeyong from the psychology department to turn the bottle, at this point you felt too dizzy, however, you knew how to hide it very well, next to you was jinsol, who was muttering something that you couldn’t understand well, maybe she was saying you to go to sleep or go to the restroom to vomit.

you opened your eyes in surprise when the tip of the bottle pointed at you, taeyong’s corners rose wickedly, and everyone was waiting expectantly for his question, you knew he would say something stupid as was common, something silly to make fun of you. but, even in this state, you weren’t going to allow it.

“who was the last person you had sex with?” that felt like a bucket of cold water on you, everyone laughed at the question, as direct and blatant as lee taeyong.

“what kind of question is that, hyung? we were asking about our kinks” jungwoo tapped taeyong’s shoulder in a friendly manner as if he could feel the tension in the air from the question.

and the thing is, you hadn’t done anything wrong to taeyong to make him dislike you like that, you just refused to go on a date with him because he wasn’t your type and he kept bragging about how he had slept with all the girls in the department.

“what’s wrong? you won’t answer? of course! your only last time must have been when you lost your virginity on your in-laws’ couch, or so jungeun said” taeyong let out a cruel-sounding laugh, everyone was completely silent, he was starting to cross the line.

you quickly looked at jungeun, the only one capable of telling taeyong that, she was choking on her beer when taeyong revealed that. “i swear i didn’t tell him everything!” was her only excuse as she wiped it off the beer with the back of her hand. the feeling of disappointment and humiliation was starting to rise in your chest.

the others tried to defuse the heated moment, taeyong looked at you with victory in his eyes, as if he had achieved his goal. but you were too stubborn to leave it at that, so you firmly answered his question:

“since you are so interested to know, i slept with…” your mind was not thinking clearly, you barely knew how to formulate an understandable sentence, you looked around and felt that long minutes passed, and taeyong staring at you coldly with his jaw clenched and arms crossed over his chest denoting the annoyance.

“a member of the… boxing club” damn you and your damn obsession with using someone else’s testimonials to pass them off as your own.

everyone’s eyes widened, what you had said was unheard of, and the questions of who it is were not long in coming. 

your gaze inadvertently fell on jungwoo, who was snacking on some of the fries on his left side. “jung…” you barely mumbled.

“jung?!” minkyung shouted out of nowhere as if she had hit the person you were talking about, but you just were inventing everything, wasn’t it? “you’re talking about jung Jaehyun?! oh my god, that man is so hot! you were keeping that secret well, y/n!” now all the girls were screaming around you, except jungeun and jinsol, who were looking at you dumbfounded. jinsol reacted quickly and congratulated you, although she didn’t know why she was doing it.

jung… who?

“are you… serious?” taeyong asked in a low voice, incredulous at your words. but when you nodded firmly, he licked his lips, thinking about how he could take more advantage of this situation. “well since you are so close to jaehyun, why don’t we invite him?” everyone innocently supported taeyong’s plan, as if they wanted to bring a couple together, but taeyong’s intentions were different. you bit your lips, holding in the anger that this motherfucker was provoking in you.

“do whatever you want, lee” when taeyong started to type jaehyun’s number on his phone, your heart started to race, you began to sweat and you didn’t know if it was the effects of alcohol or if you were just going to pass out from anxiety. taeyong had a nice conversation on the phone, it seemed that jaehyun was training and didn’t want to leave it just for a stupid party, as he said.

“come on, bro! we have a special guest here, i’m sure you want to see her” everyone started cheering. the line was silent until jaehyun said he would be here soon. fuck, he was just making things difficult.

the minutes went on forever and internally you wished he wouldn’t come through, but you could not chicken out, now you had to face thing as it was, also you had to figure out how you would keep your reputation after this, the most difficult thing was that you didn’t know jaehyun’s personality, apparently he is close to taeyong, what if he is just like him? you would certainly be done.

you heard the guests shouting as they announced jaehyun’s arrival, and you barely heard a deep voice complaining about making him come to a party in the middle of the night, you swallowed hard, and suddenly, the descriptions given by the girls at starbucks started to run through your head again.

god damn.

you were in big trouble.

no.

in a huge problem.

you were sitting on the ground when the huge figure of jung jaehyun landed in front of you, he frowned when you looked up to see him, god damn, his face was so beautiful, or maybe you were too drunk, but you looked into his dark eyes and you almost swore you were reflected in them.

his hair was falling over his face, he was wearing a loose sleeveless shirt showing his worked arms, his skin shone a bit, it must be the sweat from the training he was doing, underneath he only had black shorts revealing his strong legs, shit, you began to feel hot on your face from looking at him intensely.

damn, when you said you fucked someone from the boxing club you didn't expect they would bring a real person here just because you threw in a random name.

"hyung! why didn't you tell us that it was you who took away y/n's purity!” lee donghyuck put his arm around jaehyun's neck, but he didn't flinch. he just looked at you out of the corner of his eye, trying to understand what was going on, but without being too obvious.

"shut up haechan! didn't you hear that taeyong said that y/n lost her virginity a long time ago?" donghyuck was pushed by heejin, causing jaehyun to wriggle out of his grasp.

you could only close your eyes and swallow your shame, shit, how you wish you weren't there right now.

"why did you never tell us about this, y/n!" minkyung nudged you, very cheerful in her drunken state, but she only managed to plunge you further into embarrassment. the worst thing was that jaehyun looked annoyed with each passing minute.

"i didn't know you had high standards, y/n, it's amazing to know that jaehyun gave you a chance in his bed" when taeyong said that, something in you snapped, any hope of pride gone.

“h-hey jaehyun, I thought we'd never see each other again…” you said, completely nervous and shaking.

“must be a coincidence, y/n”

jaehyun gave you a smile that managed to send a chill through your whole body, even more so because of the tone he used when he said your name as if he had tasted it from his mouth before letting it out.

without warning, jaehyun wrapped you in his arms in a warm hug and it denoted a lot of confidence, but your body was rigid, you could barely react. the others yelled obscenities like go get to a room, but you only paid attention to what jaehyun whispered in your ear.

"okay, you will ask everyone to excuse you, but you have to leave with me, did you get it?"

as an automatic reaction you nodded, and once jaehyun separated from you his aura changed completely, now he smiled and his eyes turned half moons, two tender dimples appeared on his cheeks and you could look at his face for the first time with a dazzling smile from him.

“okay guys, thanks for inviting me, but i have to go, jaehyun will walk me home-”

"wow, you guys are going to fuck!" minhyung yelled out of nowhere, jinsol gave him a death glare and he gulped, realizing his mistake. "oh, I mean, they'll just walk home, yeah," he cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck.

in an act of trust, you took jahyun's hand and intertwined it with yours, although the boy's body tensed, he hid it quite well, both of you left the building and the walk became awkward, neither of you was able to say anything while you moved away from the gaze of others, but you didn’t let go of each other's hands either. before going out into the dark, you noticed how jaehyun's knuckles were worn, and bruised with recent reddish wounds.

you led the way home without saying a word, the route was usually seven minutes, but this time you felt that your home was ten miles from the fraternity. once in front of the door of your home, you swallowed saliva, preparing yourself mentally and physically for the reverence in search of forgiveness from you and all the next generations.

“did you say that... you and I met and that... we had sex?” the slowness of his words was painful and humiliating, you stopped your walk, but you weren't able to turn to face jaehyun.

“please forgive me, i was too drunk, i know it's not an excuse, but at that moment... i just said the first thing that came to my mind, i didn't expect that there was someone with the name jung in the boxing club. i'm sorry, i got you involved in this lie, but if my friends and the whole frat find out i lied i’m all done, the truth is… i'm still a virgin, i've never slept with anyone and-...” you started talking so fast that jaehyun could barely understand everything you said, he chuckled because your speech was so random jaehyun didn't know how to feel right now, maybe used or just like a idiot that ruined your lie for being called jung and join the boxing club.

jaehyun was silent for a few moments, however, that was not uncomfortable, it was more like he understood your situation, even though you had dragged him into your lies, he listened to you carefully.

“if you want, i’ll say it didn’t happen” jaehyun whispered, bright darkness appeared in his eyes and his lips curved up in a strange smirk, he took a hand out of his pockets and brought it closer to your face, slowly caressing your cheek with his thumb, you didn't know if it was you or him who was burning in the heat. “but where’s the fun in that?” 

the softness with which he caressed your cheek was intoxicating, due to the closeness you could smell his cologne and a faint of sweat, but it wasn't a bad thing for you in those moments, it felt so raw and intimate, god, you were in front of a real man. instinctively, you brought your face closer to him, tilting your head to try to reach him and you even stood on your toes, this only made jaehyun giggle, who saw it as something cute of you, there was no doubt that you were completely virgin.

with parted lips you asked for jaehyun to kiss you, so desperate for his touch and wondering what his saliva tastes like, your thoughts were rising as you felt jaehyun's breath on your face. and as if jaehyun read your thoughts, he kissed you slowly, you could only move your head to give him better access, your hands ended up on his chest where they squeezed his shirt hard and jaehyun's other hand landed on your neck, pushing you towards him.

his kiss increased when without warning, jaehyun pushed his tongue into your mouth, first licking your lower lip and then going all the way in, at first you were surprised, but it didn't take long for you to reciprocate and keep up with him. a heat was present in your crotch, and hot gasps left your mouth that was barely silenced by jung jaehyun's wild and intoxicating kisses.

god, you didn't want to stop, but the lack of oxygen was present in both of you, managing to separate for a few moments, jaehyun stared at you and you did too, it was as if his eyes were calling you to keep kissing him and how obedient a girl you were, you pushed your lips to his again, this time leading the rhythm and placing your arms around his neck, stroking with your fingertips the fade of his hair and the tips of his ears.

this time you felt jaehyun's hands slightly climb up your hips until they slipped under your blouse, you gasped at the contact of his cold hands touching your warm skin, at this moment you were letting yourself be carried away by hormones, you were not thinking correctly with your head, but you didn't care, you wanted to rub yourself against jaehyun's body to relieve the burning sensation in your crotch.

suddenly, the sound of a call coming in made you jump. jaehyun patted his front pocket and took his cell phone out, it was none other than lee taeyong, you rolled your eyes without jaehyun seeing you and he took the call.

"we're in front of her house, yah... calm down, i'm about to go back to the frat, we won't do anything tonight..." his words made your heart skip a beat, your cheeks turned redder than you thought they were already after the hot kissing session. jaehyun was going along with your lie and that was so... sneaky.

"i have to go, i don't want to have another penalty for leaving the rooms late" jaehyun took a deep breath and put both hands in his pockets as he watched you slowly search for the keys. you were kind of disappointed that it all ended like this tonight, being interrupted by that motherfucker.

"okay then, see you around...?" he said, with some doubt in his voice, you looked up and noticed a sparkle in his eyes. hope. as if it were a romantic movie, you dropped everything you had in your hands and you kiss his lips, a short and pure kiss, but full of feelings and desire, jaehyun could barely flinch because you quickly separated, when you turned embarrassed, a smile already decorated her reddish lips.

"thank you jaehyun"

"why do you thank me?"

"just because of everything..." you smile shyly, alcohol does have a strong effect on you. "see you later" you assured and that made jaehyun feel safe. your word was everything. soon you would see each other again.

a week later, you hadn't seen jaehyun near the college, even though you didn't want to be so obvious looking around for him, you always kept an eye on the crowd when you were walking around campus.

finally, the only thing you know about him is that he belongs to the boxing club, nothing else.

also, you don't know where the boxing club is.

would it be weird for you to ask for the location?

the uncomfortable questions from the people who attended the party that friday were all around you but ceased on tuesday when that topic was no longer new.

jinsol recommended you not see jaehyun anymore, when you questioned her why she simply said "there are many rumors around him, i don't want that to involve you" even though you tried to understand her, the word rumors, were very ambiguous; what other rumors will exist around Jung Jaehyun besides the ones you heard in the cafeteria?

otherwise, jungeun sent you a lot of messages apologizing to you for telling taeyong about your "closeness" and that she didn't expect you to have fucked jaehyun. well, it was a lie, but only he and you knew that.

you stopped thinking about everything that had happened in the last few days and focused on the strong pain you felt in your neck, it must be the stress, you thought. although the summer vacations were approaching and with it the end of the semester, you felt a bit pressured with the exams and final deliveries, yesterday you did nothing but study and now these were the results. you fondled the painful part and let out a small moan.

taking classes on saturdays, having body pain and the extreme heat was the perfect recipe to alter your mood, even though you were wearing a light button-down shirt and shorts you felt the sticky feeling on your skin beginning to upset you.

you decided to stop at starbuck's to buy something cold, as soon as you arrived at the establishment the air system greeted you, thank heavens the place was not so crowded and there were some empty tables, you thought if it would be a good idea to sit down for a bit to check the essay you were about to submit next week.

"hello welcome, may i take your order?"

"hi, i'd like a venti ice americano, please-"

"two venti ice americano, please."

you were interrupted when someone taller than you, perched on your right. it was none other than jung jaehyun, smiling warmly at the cafe worker with those beautiful dimples, you were dumbfounded, the woman typed the computer and confirmed the order, jaehyun in one brisk movement, pulled out the cash ready to pay for you.

"my treat, okay?" he said, how was it possible that he did everything so naturally? you could barely say anything, you merely mumbled a slight thank you, but he looked so comfortable around you that you didn't know what to do.

when your coffees were delivered, you sat down at a table in the back. strangely, you felt like a girl on her first date of a lifetime, your heart was pounding hard against your chest and your hands were sweating, no matter how hard you tried to wipe them against the fabric of your shorts it wasn't enough.

"thanks for the coffee, jaehyun" was all you managed to say, he squeaked and took a sip of his coffee.

"it's nothing" he shrugged his shoulders downplaying it, he shook his hair and you noticed light beads of sweat, surely he came from training or something. also, you saw that the wounds from his fists were still there, but not only that… the veins on his arm and hands were too marked, that image was so hot. you had never had any fixation with people's hands, but seeing jaehyun's hands made you change your mind and you couldn't think of them touching you, around your neck or on your… "y/n?" you jumped in place when you heard him call out to you. "are you okay? it seems your mind is occupied with something else" he recited as if he could read your thoughts, you swallowed saliva and quickly denied.

"it's not that, it's just… i'm a little stressed from school these days, i've barely been able to rest properly" your hand caressed the back of your neck, massaging it lightly. jaehyun's eyes carefully followed your every move without you noticing.

"i can tell, I've heard that the finance department is very strict and stern, isn't it?" wait a minute, how does he know which department you belong to? hearing that threw you off a bit and you couldn't help but ask him.

"how do you know I'm in the finance department?" jaehyun smiled as if he had been caught.

"well, i've heard a lot about you."

it only took a second for your face to change color. what could he have heard about you? you wanted to ask, but your throat closed up in that moment. you felt your body tremble from the thoughts growing in your mind. why was jaehyun suddenly so interested in you? was it because of the lie, perhaps? jaehyun might have noticed the change in your expression and let out a small laugh. that was all it took for all the embarrassment to drain from your body, making the atmosphere lighter and allowing your muscles to relax. without meaning to, you smiled too.

you realized how easy it was to talk to him. despite his attractive appearance, anyone would think he would be the typical arrogant guy for being part of a sports club and sleeping with many girls, but jung jaehyun was the complete opposite.

you kept bumping into things as your drink slowly dwindled, leaving only the ice cubes in sight. even though the conversation flowed naturally, you both knew you were skirting around the main issue, avoiding the heart of the matter. if only you hadn't been interrupted yesterday—what would have happened? would jaehyun have slept with you? so many questions, and a mix of fear about knowing the answers.

"do you mind if I walk you home? It's getting late" jaehyun suggested, swirling his glass in the air, causing the ice cubes to clink from side to side. you glanced at your own glass, now empty. you had both lost track of time. when jaehyun stood up, a strange feeling hit your stomach, and without thinking, you bit your lip. your house was close by, so you decided to play it cool and go along with whatever random topic he’d start talking about next.

on the way home, you couldn't stop thinking about what to do. would it be too cold to just walk inside and act like nothing’s happening? would it be too much to ask him to come inside with you? would he think you're too easy? you weren’t sure of the answers to the flood of questions swirling in your mind, but one thing was certain—you both felt the sexual tension. even when your shoulders brushed against each other, you could feel electricity shoot through your body with every tiny touch. jaehyun seemed calm, or at least that’s the image he was trying to project.

once you stood in front of your apartment door, jaehyun spoke: "I really enjoyed the conversation. rest well, y/n" jaehyun slipped his hands into his pockets and gave you a small, lopsided smile. "I hope next time we meet, you don’t act like a stranger." you parted your lips, searching for the right words. his face seemed like it was waiting for something more.

are you waiting for something more? you thought. it was hard to say goodbye now, and without hesitating, you said:

"hey, jaehyun, it’s saturday and it’s still early. why don’t you come in?" you rubbed your arm, trying to calm yourself, as your heart raced a mile a minute. the seconds you waited for his response felt like years. jaehyun's smile widened, and he nodded.

you opened the door and felt the warmth of your home welcoming you, while inside, your mind was spinning. I invited him. I actually did it. in reality, it was the first time you had brought a guy over—someone of the opposite sex, someone you were interested in.

and you were interested in him in the most sexual way possible.

"thanks for inviting me" jaehyun said with a grateful smile, showing off his adorable dimples. you weren’t sure if it was the whole situation, but even that innocent gesture sent a wave of heat through your body, especially between your legs. quickly, you took off your hoodie and tied your hair into a ponytail.

"it's been really hot today. do you mind if I take a quick shower?" you asked, waving your hands as if trying to cool yourself down. jaehyun raised an eyebrow, curious.

"go ahead, I’ll wait," he said, sitting down on the small sofa in your living room. you could feel two things pulsing: your heart and your vagina.

suddenly, the mood shifted, as your movements became a bit clumsy—like when you accidentally kicked the edge of the dining table, causing you to curse under your breath. when jaehyun moved closer to help, you quickly pushed his chest away. "I’m fine!" you repeated, not looking him in the eye.

"if it feels awkward, wouldn’t it be better if I leave?" jaehyun's voice was calm, trying to understand you. it was more than obvious that you were feeling uneasy about everything that had happened between the two of you, and he understood why the situation suddenly felt weird.

"n-no!" you quickly said, looking at him with concern. jaehyun stepped a little closer. "you don’t want to... do that?" your cheeks turned pink, and your gaze dropped to your feet, feeling truly embarrassed. jaehyun let out a small chuckle, realizing that, in fact, you were a complete virgin, acting like a high school girl.

"what’s so funny?" your cheeks puffed up, feeling both embarrassed and a little annoyed at the thought that jaehyun might be making fun of you.

"nothing, you’re just really cute,’ he said, lifting your chin to lock eyes with you. you could see the confidence in his gaze while you were a bundle of nerves and anxiety. "you’re really beautiful, y/n" his free hand now took yours, which was smaller than his, and that only turned jaehyun on even more. slowly, he walked back to the sofa and sat down, leaving you standing in front of him, your chest right in his view. "in any case, there’s no need to shower... you’re going to sweat again anyway." your face flushed even more, fully grasping the double meaning of his words, but your body jolted slightly as you felt jaehyun’s warm hands slide under your shirt, moving up to reveal your breasts, pushing your bra out of the way. you had to admit, the sight of jaehyun massaging your breasts was undeniably hot.

you were lost in his soft and exciting touch that you didn't notice when jaehyun caught your left nipple between his lips, the hot and wet sensation of his tongue making you gasp. the man's hands slid over your waist, pulling you closer to him, you were so fucking horny.

a new sensation made you jump as jaehyun grabbed the other nipple with his fingertips, rubbing it. you felt wetter and wetter, weaker and weaker, and if it weren't for jaehyun's strong arm holding you, you might have fallen at any moment.

you don't know how much time passed, but jaehyun switched to your other nipple, and you could see how the left one was shining with saliva and swollen... an image that made you even wetter and feel incredibly hot.

"let's go to bed" in an instant, he pulled your soft flesh out of his mouth, looking at you with lust-filled eyes, his lips swollen and shiny with saliva. though you were a little dizzy with excitement, you hadn’t realized how far things had gone. you were about to head to your bed—then what would happen?

before you knew it, you were already lying on your bed with jaehyun on top of you. you watched as he took off his shirt, revealing his well-toned body, worthy of someone who belonged to the boxing club. he tossed the shirt somewhere in the room and leaned down to kiss your lips with hunger and desire. obscene sounds escaped from his mouth, gasps and moans filling the room.

jaehyun's fingers reached your panties, pulling them aside to finally touch your most intimate place, and you opened your eyes in surprise.

‘it's really wet down here,’ he said with a smile on his face, slowly caressing you. his fingers slid over your flesh, from your clitoris to your labia. why did it feel so good? despite the intense sensation, you felt embarrassed, covering your face with both hands. ‘are you sure you've never done this before?’ jaehyun asked with a grin, as his fingers stroked you up and down."

“I told you that I have never—AGH!’ you couldn’t even finish the sentence because something entered your body. jaehyun had inserted one of his long fingers, which quickly began to move in and out. it was your first time, and the sensation was strange and a little painful; your face contorted and your body stiffened. you were so tight that it hurt, but soon your moans turned into pleasurable groans. was this the power of jung jaehyun that all the girls talked about? the feeling of someone else doing it was truly different; you would never have reached this level of excitement on your own. jaehyun added another finger, and the wet sounds echoed even more in the room. without warning, a knot formed in your stomach, and you knew something was about to happen, so you quickly grabbed jaehyun’s wrist, trying to stop him. “w-wait, ah! I f-feel... I feel something coming...’” as soon as you finished the sentence, a clear stream shot out, soaking the pink sheets of your bed. you let out a sweet moan that made jaehyun doubly hard. you closed your eyes, recovering from the incredible orgasm you had just experienced. when you opened them, you saw jaehyun’s proud expression and a large puddle in your crotch—again, the wet sheets. “but what the—! I just washed them this week!” you almost started crying because washing sheets is the worst. jaehyun just giggled. before you knew it, he was unzipping his pants and...

what he released from between his legs was not something ordinary. come on, you had never seen one in person, but this was nothing like what you had seen in porn pages or the images that strangers sent to your message inbox. this was simply huge in every sense of the word. how was it possible that it could fit inside you? the tip was pink, and veins started from the base of his abdomen, wrapping around it. it looked quite hard, and you could barely appreciate it before he began to roll a condom over it. where had he gotten it? who knows, but you couldn't stop thinking about the size. “what’s wrong, y/n?” obviously, your reaction had thrilled him, feeding his ego. “do you think it won’t fit?” one corner of his lips curled into a sly smile.

"are you challenging me? of course, bring it on!’ you said, feeling confident because y/n wasn't just any girl; you were a competitive girl, and this was nothing. you knew it would hurt at first, yes, but your hunger for sex was stronger, and you were sure that soon you would have that chunk of meat buried deep in your wet pussy.

"I like confident girls" jaehyun said, leaning his face closer to yours and licking his lips with lust as he took your legs, positioning himself between them. once he was nestled between you, he ran his hands over your captivating body. first, he gently took your shoulders, caressing them from top to bottom, then he traced his warm tongue along your neck, sending shivers throughout your body—especially in your swollen pussy. afterward, he massaged your breasts, which weren’t particularly big, and sometimes you felt insecure about that. however, seeing how perfectly they fit in jaehyun's hands made you feel so sexy. did jaehyun think the same?

how was it possible for him to be so good at this? his touch quickly left you weak and dizzy. was it because he had had a lot of sex before? that was clear; he was handsome, had a great body, and above all, he was well-endowed down there. no girl could resist.

"I’m going to put it in" he leaned closer to your face, and you felt his warm breath. that’s when you realized that what was about to enter you was something big, hard, and thick. maybe you shouldn’t have challenged him like that. perhaps just a little, you were starting to fear that the process would be too painful.

you clung to his arms as he slowly slid inside you. he caressed your cheek and whispered, "relax, don’t tense your body too much"

it was easy for him to say that, as he wasn’t the one being penetrated. however, he was incredibly gentle, even when he was fully inside you, your body stiffened. your head tilted back as you breathed quickly, trying to adjust to what had been inserted into you for the first time. "I won’t move until you feel ready, okay?" his nose brushed against yours in a compassionate gesture, and even that filled your heart. small tears gathered at the corners of your eyes, and it was jaehyun who gently wiped them away. "you’re doing so well, y/n."

despite the pain that ran through your body, your mind was focused on the pleasure that the situation was giving you: jaehyun’s naked body on top of you, jaehyun inside you, jaehyun with a blush on his face, jaehyun having sex with you. it was the only thing you could think about, and it only made you wetter. little by little, the pain faded, and suddenly you were begging him in a voice that betrayed your surrender, asking jaehyun to move.

then, the hard and fast thrusts came without hesitation. you could only focus on how your breasts bounced and how barely you could hold back your gasps of pleasure. jaehyun looked satisfied, seeing the sheer thrill on your face. you couldn’t think straight; you could barely keep your eyes open, and you weren’t sure how much longer you’d last, as you were getting wetter with each movement.

‘wow, you’re really soaked,’ jaehyun commented with a grin on his face, almost as if he were mocking your state. you didn’t even care; instead, you pulled him closer, clinging tightly to his body.

suddenly, your phone started ringing—someone was calling you. it was so unexpected, and jaehyun seemed to care about it as he paused and asked, ‘you should probably answer that.’ but before he could even reach for the phone, you grabbed his hand and guided it to your breast, whispering softly, ‘don’t stop, please,’ while biting your lip. you were close, you could feel it, and whoever was calling could go to hell right now.

this made jaehyun even more turned on. for a moment, he didn’t know how to react, but as your legs wrapped around him again, he could only smirk, proud of his bedroom skills, enough to have the ex-virgin begging him not to stop. he knew you were enchanting, but he didn’t know just how much. so, he grabbed your waist, lifting it to penetrate you deeper and faster. this technique made your moans even louder, filled with pure excitement. combined with the sounds of skin slapping, the creak of the bed, and jaehyun’s gasps, it all created a unique melody in the room.

“oh, i'm going to cum...” jaehyun warned as his movements became harder against your body, you felt the pounding hit hard against your hips and how his fingers were marked on your waist painfully, but all this combined only brought you closer to climax too and from one moment to the next you were untying the knot in your stomach through a sweet orgasm, giving a squeal as a result. jaehyun took off the full condom and looked at you on the bed, trying to catch your breath, your legs quivering with pleasure and your nipples still erect. there was no choice but to take another condom. “ready for round two?” he whispered in your ear.

although, you were processing how good your first time having sex had been, you didn't think you were completely ready for a second round, however, you couldn't resist against jaehyun, and without thinking, you ended up sweaty and exhausted after 4 more rounds. 

it had been two weeks since that night with jaehyun—two long, chaotic weeks where everything seemed to fall apart piece by piece. a fire had broken out in an apartment two floors above yours, thick smoke swallowing the hallways, alarms screaming through the building. even though your place hadn't been damaged, the inspectors had evacuated everyone to assess the structure. you'd bounced from couch to couch, staying with friends for a night or two at most, but their living situations were tight—shared sorority houses, cramped apartments, boyfriends already occupying the only free space. now, you sat alone on a bench across from the university, phone in hand, scrolling aimlessly through your contacts, desperate for someone, anyone, to call. going back to your mother’s place wasn’t an option—you knew the arguments would start the second you walked through the door. you craved your independence, even if it meant being homeless for a few days. the problem was, you didn’t have the money for a hotel. not even close.

you look at jaehyun's contact for a second, you stop to think if it would be a good idea to call him, I mean, you barely know each other, you slept together once, would that be enough of an excuse for him to let you live with him for a while?

you don’t know what to expect when he answers. you’re clutching your phone like it might slip out of your hand from how fast your pulse is racing. and now, with your apartment unlivable, your options reduced to zero, you’re doing the last thing you wanted—calling him.

it rings. once. twice.

then you hear his voice, smooth and casual like nothing’s changed.

“hey. y/n?”

you swallow thickly, your voice trembling despite how much you try to sound fine.

“hi. i know it’s… late. and random. and maybe you don’t want to hear from me, but i didn’t know who else to call.”

there’s a pause, but it’s not uncomfortable. it’s quiet, like he’s listening closely.

“what’s wrong?”

you sigh, eyes stinging as the reality settles deeper into your chest.

“there was a fire in my building. the apartment above mine is completely destroyed, and the structure’s unsafe. they told me i can’t stay there. i don’t really… have anywhere to go right now.”

another pause. this one longer. you brace yourself for something like damn, that sucks or hope you figure it out.

instead, he says softly, “i’m at the pool hall with a couple of friends. you can come. we’ll talk here.”

you don’t know what to say to that, so you just whisper, “okay. send me the location.”

you arrive about thirty minutes later. the place is half-lit, old wooden floors scuffed from years of dragging chairs and boots, the smell of beer and smoke embedded into the walls. the second you step in, you spot him—jaehyun, in a black t-shirt that clings to his shoulders and jeans that do too much justice to his thighs. he’s bent over a table, lining up a shot, lips parted slightly in concentration. he looks good. too good.

when he notices you, his face relaxes. his body straightens. no hesitation.

he waves you over. “you made it.”

you nod, offering a small smile. “hi.”

“guys, this is y/n,” he says, turning to the two men beside him. “yuta, taeyong.”

they both greet you, yuta with a mischievous glint in his eye and taeyong with something a little softer. polite, but unmistakably curious.

“nice to meet you,” yuta says, and you catch his eyes flicker down your outfit—tight jeans, fitted top, just casual enough to not scream i dressed up for someone, but still enough to make their jaws subtly tighten.

jaehyun sees it. you feel it in the way he stands a little closer to you.

“chill,” he tells them, easy but pointed. “she’s way out of your league.”

they laugh, pretending like they weren’t staring, and jaehyun turns back to you.

“want a beer?”

“sure.”

he brings one for you without asking what kind. cold glass touches your palm, and his fingers brush yours just a second longer than necessary. he doesn’t mention the call again. doesn’t ask you anything serious. just hands you a stick and nods at the table.

“you play?”

“twice. maybe. terribly.”

he grins. “that’s more than most.”

you play a few turns. he’s good. effortlessly good. you’re not, but you’re trying. then your turn comes up again, and you bend over to line up your shot. you don’t realize how far you’re leaning until you feel it—the air shifts. someone’s watching.

you glance sideways. yuta’s not even trying to hide the way he’s looking.

jaehyun clears his throat, sharp.

“dude. seriously?”

yuta looks away like a scolded child, taeyong biting back a smile.

jaehyun’s voice is low now, just for you. “you might want to bend less, unless you want to start a war.”

you raise a brow, playfully. “they’re just looking.”

“yeah, and i don’t like it.”

he walks around the table, stops behind you. “want help?”

you nod, and he steps close. closer than he needs to. his front presses lightly against your back, firm and warm. he leans down, guiding your arms, his chest flush to you, his breath skating along the shell of your ear.

“hit the green. angle it toward the corner pocket. trust me, you’ll nail it.”

but you’re not listening. not really. not when his hand slides just a little too far down your arm, or when his hips nudge forward, enough to feel him. he’s doing it on purpose. there’s no way he isn’t.

you shift, bump your elbow lightly into his ribs. “you’re kind of all over me. i can’t focus like that.”

he chuckles, stepping back with both hands raised. “my bad. force of habit.”

you shoot. the ball sinks clean.

his voice lights up. “see? you are good.”

you smile despite yourself. “maybe you’re not a terrible coach.”

he high-fives you, fingers curling briefly around yours, and for a while, the game continues. laughter. teasing. another round of beers. the weight between you two loosens just a bit—but never disappears.

eventually, it’s time to leave. the guys stretch and yawn, pretending they aren’t already planning their next stop.

“we were thinking of hitting that new bar on third,” yuta says.

“nah,” jaehyun replies instantly, grabbing his jacket. “i’m taking y/n home.”

taeyong raises a brow but doesn’t argue. “alright. catch you later.”

once outside, the air feels cooler. quieter. you walk in silence for a few blocks, your body relaxing more than you expected. and then he says it.

“so… what happened exactly?”

you exhale, the weight returning. “the apartment above mine caught fire. no one got hurt, but they say the building’s not safe. i can’t go back until it’s inspected and fixed. and all my friends live with their boyfriends, or in places too cramped to take someone in.”

he nods slowly, not pushing.

“you can stay with me,” he says after a beat. “just… not tonight.”

you look up at him, confused. “why not?”

he scratches the back of his neck, a little embarrassed.

“my roommate kicked me out for the night. his girlfriend’s coming over, and well… you know.”

you do. you laugh a little, half amused, half exhausted. “so that’s why you were out?”

“yeah. didn’t feel like hearing them fuck through the wall.”

you both fall silent, until he looks to the right. neon lights spill across the sidewalk in pinks and reds. your eyes follow his line of sight.

a motel.

he glances back at you, one brow lifted. “wanna crash there for tonight? i’ll get you a room.”

you don’t even hesitate.

“yes. please.”

he smiles, soft and genuine this time. “come on, then.”

and for the first time that night, you feel like you might actually sleep without everything collapsing around you.

the motel room was small and stuffy, the thick summer air clinging to your skin the moment you stepped inside. the door clicked shut behind you, and jaehyun immediately moved to the wall-mounted control, turning on the air conditioner with a low hum that filled the silence. still, it was warm, your skin damp with sweat and exhaustion. you sat on the edge of the bed, waving a hand lazily in front of your face as you tried to cool off, your other hand pushing your hair away from your neck.

“fuck, it’s hot,” you muttered, fingers fumbling with your hair, searching for a hair tie that wasn’t there.

“here,” jaehyun said, tossing something onto the bed beside you. it was a small plastic bag, printed with the motel’s name in red cursive. you opened it, expecting maybe a water bottle or a towel, but instead found a collection of travel-sized soaps, a tiny bottle of shampoo, a mint, two condoms in gold wrappers… and a hair tie. your fingers brushed over it before you looked up at him with a raised brow.

“you know this place too well.”

he scoffed, smirking as he leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. “maybe you’re just the one who doesn’t know anything.”

his voice held a mocking edge, teasing you like he always did, like he hadn’t fucked you stupid on your own bed two weeks ago and left without so much as a real goodbye.

you reached into the plastic bag and pulled out the small collection of motel goodies, letting your fingers slide over the items until they wrapped around the foil square. it crinkled softly between your fingertips as you held it up, raising your brows as your eyes flicked to him.

“do these even fit you?” you asked, tone playful but low, teasing.

he huffed a quiet laugh, pushing his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he stepped closer, arms still crossed over his chest.

“not really,” he said. “those are standard size. they don’t fit me right.”

you rolled your eyes, even as your cheeks burned with something you didn’t want to name. reaching back, you tied your hair up with the elastic, then stood up to stretch, pretending not to care that he was watching you.

jaehyun checked his phone and sighed. “i should go. the guys are probably already at the next bar.”

your chest tightened, confusion blooming low and sour in your stomach. you blinked. “you’re leaving?”

“wasn’t the plan to crash here just for you?” he teased, but there was something unreadable in his eyes.

you hesitated, lips parting. you didn’t want to ask him to stay. you didn’t want to sound needy. but the thought of him walking out again, of sleeping alone in a motel bed you hadn’t paid for, filled you with a sudden ache.

“it’s hot as hell out there,” you said, stepping closer. “you should shower. you’ll feel better.”

he arched a brow. “i showered before going out.”

“so what?” you shrugged, fingers toying with the hem of your shirt. “i think you should shower again.”

he stared at you for a beat, eyes darkening as the realization clicked into place. “ah,” he murmured, tilting his head. “so that’s what this is.”

your body moved before you could think—crawling up onto the bed, slow and deliberate, your eyes never leaving his. he didn’t move, just watched as you reached him, rising on your knees to press your palms to his chest. his shirt was soft and damp against your fingers. you tilted your face up to his, lips barely brushing his collarbone.

“don’t go,” you whispered. “you’re already here… might as well make it worth it.”

his hand slid to the back of your head, fingers tangling in your hair, lips ghosting over your temple as he muttered, low and sinful, “you’re playing a dangerous game, baby.”

your heart skipped a beat. you weren’t even trying to hide the way your gaze dropped to the bulge in his pants. his words shouldn’t have made your thighs press together like that, shouldn’t have sent that deep, pulsing warmth down your spine, but fuck—he was so casual about it, so sure of himself, it made your breath hitch. he was already hard. you could see it now. and he hadn’t even touched you yet.

you let the condom fall onto the bed as your hand drifted slowly to the front of his pants, fingers hovering before you made contact. the heat radiating through the fabric was almost unbearable, and when you finally palmed him through it, his jaw flexed. your voice came out soft, a little shaky, but full of intent.

“can i see it?”

his eyes darkened immediately, and he didn’t say anything for a moment, just watched you with that unreadable expression that made your stomach twist. then he nodded, slow and sure, backing up and letting himself fall onto the bed. he pulled his shirt off in one swift motion and laid back, propping his hands behind his head, the muscles of his arms flexing, chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm that made your mouth go dry.

“go ahead,” he murmured, “since you’re so curious.”

his pants were already unbuttoned, boxers peeking out from the waistband. your gaze dropped to the heavy outline straining against the fabric, your fingers trembling slightly as you reached for him. it was your first time doing this—your first time touching a guy like this—and you felt nervous, eager, clumsy all at once. you tugged his pants lower until they pooled around his thighs, revealing the thick bulge beneath his briefs.

when you finally pushed those down too, your eyes widened slightly. your hand wrapped around him, a little too firm, and you felt him twitch under your touch.

“not so rough,” he said, his voice low, half-laughing, half-breathless. “be gentle.”

you nodded, swallowing hard, adjusting your grip, your thumb brushing along the tip. the weight and warmth of him in your palm was foreign and overwhelming. your head dipped forward and you kissed him there, soft and uncertain. he sucked in a breath, his abs tightening, his hand still behind his head but his knuckles whitening with the way he gripped the pillow.

you let your tongue trace slowly along the underside, tasting him, feeling him throb with every slow movement. then you wrapped your lips around the head and began to take him in, your hand stroking what you couldn’t fit just yet.

he made a sound—a sharp breath, a curse under his breath—and when you looked up, his face was flushed, his eyes half-lidded with something between shock and desperation.

“am i doing it right?” you asked, pulling back slightly, your lips glossy, your voice soft and unsure.

“fuck, yes,” he groaned, his head falling back against the pillow. “you’re gonna kill me if you keep looking at me like that.”

his hips bucked slightly, involuntary, and you took him deeper this time, slowly, carefully, adjusting to the rhythm, feeling the way his thighs tensed beneath your touch. his breathing grew heavier, his abs flexing with every flick of your tongue, every soft suck, every messy, eager movement. he reached down, fingers threading into your hair, not to guide you, just to anchor himself, as if grounding his sanity with the feeling of you.

“shit, baby—” he moaned, his voice rough now, desperate. “just like that. don’t stop.”

you didn’t. you hollowed your cheeks and moved faster, more confident now, loving the way he twitched on your tongue, the way his composure was crumbling second by second. his fingers tightened in your hair and his thighs trembled slightly.

“fuck, i’m close—” he gasped.

you kept going, feeling his release building, tasting the salty pre-come on your tongue, and when he finally came with a low, strangled groan, hips jerking, voice broken and raw—he said your name like a plea.

you swallowed, slow and deliberate, licking your lips as you looked up at him. he looked dazed, ruined, beautiful. his chest was heaving, sweat on his brow, his skin flushed.

“jesus,” he whispered, a half-laugh escaping his lips as he finally let go of your hair. “where the hell did you learn to do that?”

you just smiled, your lips still tingling, proud of yourself, of how undone he looked—like you were the only one who had ever touched him like that.

you crawled back up the bed, breath still shallow from everything you had just done, and started peeling your clothes off one by one. your fingers fumbled slightly from how needy you felt, pulling your shirt over your head, tossing it aside without care, followed by your bra, panties, everything that separated your burning skin from his. his eyes were on you the entire time—hungry, intense, reverent. he didn’t say anything, just licked his lips and let his gaze roam across your body like he was starving for it.

“i want to ride you,” you said, voice low, thick with want.

his mouth parted slightly, surprise flickering in his eyes, before he leaned over to grab something from his wallet on the nightstand. “wait,” he murmured, pulling out a foil wrapper—different from the motel ones. thicker, black, and unmistakably his. “these are the ones that actually fit.”

you watched him tear the wrapper open and roll it on effortlessly, his movements confident but still urgent, like he’d been holding himself back just for you. when he was ready, he laid back again, arms slightly outstretched, his eyes locked on yours.

“come here,” he said. “you can ride me now.”

you bit your lip and moved quickly, like you couldn’t bear to wait another second. and you really couldn’t—you’d been on edge for days. the stress, the instability, not knowing where you’d sleep, all of it had pressed down on you like a weight you couldn’t shake. but when you were with him, everything slowed. everything made sense. and right now, you just needed to feel him, to get lost in him.

you straddled his hips, your knees on either side of his thighs, palms pressing against his firm chest. his hands found your waist, warm and steady, as you guided yourself over him. he was so hard, so thick, and as you slowly lowered yourself onto him, you gasped—half from the stretch, half from the overwhelming feeling of finally, finally being this close. his cock filled you inch by inch, making your walls clench around him involuntarily, your breath hitching as you adjusted.

“fuck, you’re tight,” he groaned, brows furrowed, his fingers digging into your skin like he was barely holding on.

your eyes fluttered shut as you took him deeper, until your hips met his and your thighs were trembling from the intensity. you rested your hands on his abs, taking a moment to breathe through it, to feel him throbbing inside you.

“you okay?” he asked, voice softer now, thumb brushing along your hip.

you nodded, leaning down to kiss him, slow and messy. then you began to move—shallow at first, testing the pace, but soon you were rolling your hips, finding a rhythm that made your body light up with fire. every movement dragged delicious friction along your walls, and the way he filled you, stretched you, made you moan softly, needily.

his hands slid up to your breasts, thumbs circling your nipples until they peaked, sensitive and aching. he cupped them both, lifting himself slightly to suck one into his mouth. his tongue was hot and wet, swirling around the sensitive nub while his other hand played with the other breast, squeezing, pinching gently, making your hips grind harder against him.

“god, you feel so good,” he murmured against your skin, lips still wrapped around your nipple, his voice sending vibrations through your chest.

your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling slightly as you rode him faster now, the slap of your skin meeting his echoing in the cheap motel room. your breath came in short, ragged gasps, your body trembling as the pleasure built. he sucked harder on your breast, then switched to the other, moaning into you like he was addicted to the taste of your skin.

“jaehyun—” you whimpered, grinding down harder, desperate for release. “i’m close…”

“don’t stop,” he said, breathless, one hand sliding down between your bodies to rub tight, fast circles against your clit. “cum for me, baby. let me feel it.”

you cried out, body shaking as the orgasm ripped through you, thighs quivering, cunt pulsing around him in waves that felt endless. he grunted beneath you, lost in the way you clenched around him, hips thrusting up as he chased his own high, until with a deep moan and your name on his lips, he came too—hard, twitching inside you, eyes clenched shut, body taut with release.

you collapsed on top of him, breath tangled with his, both of you sweaty, shaky, completely undone.

after a moment of recovery, limbs tangled and skin damp with sweat, jaehyun pulled you close and pressed a soft kiss against your shoulder.

“we should shower,” he murmured against your skin, his voice low and husky. “it’s hot as hell in here.”

you hummed in agreement, letting him guide you out of the bed. your legs felt like jelly, sore and shaky, but his arm stayed around your waist, grounding you. the bathroom light was harsh, flickering slightly like everything else in that old motel, but the water came out warm and steady. steam quickly filled the small space.

you stepped into the shower first, sighing as the water hit your back, washing away the sweat and lingering stickiness. jaehyun stepped in behind you, his body pressing up against yours, his arms wrapping loosely around your waist. the moment should’ve been calm, domestic, but his hands couldn’t help but wander.

his lips brushed your neck, wet and slow, while his fingers slid up your stomach to cup your breasts again. “couldn’t stop thinking about these,” he whispered, licking a droplet of water from your shoulder.

you tilted your head, letting him kiss you deeper. your back arched instinctively, pressing into him, and you felt his cock hardening against the curve of your ass. “again?” you teased breathlessly.

“you’re too fucking hot not to,” he said, voice rough, before turning you around so your back was against the cold tile. his mouth claimed yours, tongue exploring like he hadn’t just come not long ago. he lifted one of your legs, hooking it over his hip, and the tip of his cock rubbed against your folds, teasing.

you gasped as he slipped inside again—this time slower, deeper, the water pouring down your bodies as he began to move. the shower was tight, cramped, but that only made it hotter. the sound of skin on skin was drowned by the water, but you could hear him panting in your ear, could feel the way his mouth latched onto your nipple again, his thrusts picking up pace.

you held onto him, fingers digging into his shoulders, your moans muffled against his neck. it was messy, rushed, passionate. and when you came again, clenching around him, he followed quickly, holding you tight as he spilled inside the condom once more, both of you trembling under the hot spray.

after the shower, you dried off, still breathless, your legs wobbling every time you moved. you collapsed into bed with a sigh, pulling the thin sheet over your body. jaehyun lay beside you for a few minutes, stroking your hair, until sleep started to pull you under.

when you woke up, sunlight was leaking through the curtains, weak and golden. the bed beside you was empty. you blinked against the brightness, groaning at the soreness in your thighs and hips. everything hurt deliciously. you reached for your phone on the nightstand, and saw a message waiting from jaehyun.

had to leave early. training. don’t worry about time, i extended the checkout. i’ll call you when i’m done and take you to my place. there’s food for you on the table. eat, baby.

you sat up, rubbing your eyes and looking around. on the small glass table near the window sat a paper bag from starbucks. you got up, curious, and opened it to find a warm cheese sandwich and your favorite coffee. it made you smile—something about the quiet thoughtfulness of it, after such a dirty night, made your chest feel warm.

later that day, you were sitting on the grass outside campus with your friends—jungeun, jinsol, and sooyoung. the sun was soft and the air carried the scent of spring. they were all staring at you like a pack of wolves, eyes gleaming with barely-concealed curiosity.

“so…” jungeun started, tilting her head, “are you going to keep avoiding our questions, or are you finally going to spill?”

“you kept your secret very well” jinsol added with a smirk. “you disappeared overnight and came back all smiley and glowing. bitch, don’t lie.”

you looked away, sipping your iced tea and trying to play it cool. “we’ve just been hanging out… it’s nothing serious.”

“nothing serious my ass,” sooyoung said, lying on her back and shielding her eyes from the sun. “ you think we don't remember how you got when he arrived at the party?”

you blushed furiously, heart pounding, but tried to keep your tone steady. “i’m not giving you the details. and definitely not about that.”

jinsol groaned. “come on. we just want to know one thing.”

“is his dick as perfect as we imagine?” jungeun whispered dramatically, making everyone laugh.

you covered your face with your hands. “i’m not talking about his dick.”

“that’s not a no,” sooyoung chimed in.

you tried not to laugh, cheeks burning. “we’ve only gone out a couple times. that’s all.”

jinsol leaned in closer. “i think it’s only a matter of time before you two become official. honestly, he seems like he really likes you.”

but sooyoung shook her head. “nah. not yet. she hasn’t gotten over dong sicheng.”

that name hit you like a soft, invisible bruise. you looked down at your drink, lips pressed together.

“he was just… a phase,” you muttered.

sooyoung arched a brow. “a phase you’ve been stuck on for like a year.”

“he never liked me like that anyway,” you said, trying to keep the bitterness out of your voice. “i was just his art buddy. his therapist. his background character.”

“yeah, well,” jungeun said gently, “maybe jaehyun’s your plot twist.”

you didn’t reply. but for a moment, you let yourself imagine that possibility. and it didn’t feel so far-fetched.

“actually,” jungeun chimed in, casually tossing a piece of grass into the air, “i heard something about sicheng.”

your head snapped in her direction before you could stop yourself. your heart skipped and thumped oddly in your chest.

“yeah?” you tried to sound indifferent, but the way your voice wavered betrayed you.

“mhm,” she said, glancing at the others. “one of the girls from the art department told me he’s coming back this semester. apparently he finally sorted out his exchange paperwork.”

“guess you’ll be bumping into him again,” sooyoung said, nudging your shoulder with a teasing smirk. “don’t go falling all over him again. please use your brain this time.”

“i didn’t—” you started, but then just sighed. “i know.”

jinsol gave you a knowing look. “well, i hope you don’t fuck it up with jaehyun over some old fantasy. like… jaehyun’s not just hot. he’s actually a good guy.”

sooyoung snorted. “a hot guy with a career path and muscle definition that could resurrect me.”

“he’s not just hot,” jungeun added, more serious. “he’s crazy talented. my brother’s obsessed with local sports and he says jaehyun’s a legend around here. three-time regional boxing champ. undefeated.”

you blinked. “wait, really?”

“mmhmm,” she said. “he’s been competing for like three years straight. he’s got insane discipline. trains daily, eats clean, sleeps early unless he’s too busy fucking you apparently—ow!” she laughed when you slapped her thigh in protest.

but your mind was already conjuring images… jaehyun in the ring, sweat dripping from his brow, his jaw set with sharp focus. his body gleaming under the lights—broad shoulders, cut arms, those tight abs tensing as he dodges, lunges, throws a punch. bruises on his ribs, a scratch near his lip, blood maybe on the edge of his gloves. heat rises to your cheeks as the image lingers—his body slightly damaged but so undeniably alive and powerful, all for something he loves.

he wasn’t just hot. he was dedicated. passionate. and god, he looked good doing it.

sooyoung sighed dramatically beside you. “i want a boyfriend like that. good body. good face. and a dick that ruins lives.”

“jesus christ,” jinsol muttered, snorting into her drink.

“what?” sooyoung shrugged. “i’m just saying. it’s the dream.”

you shook your head, cheeks flushed. “he’s not my boyfriend.”

they all stared at you.

“yet,” jungeun said, grinning.

you looked down at your phone, pretending to be unbothered, but the way your stomach flipped said otherwise.

not your boyfriend. not officially.

but the way he touched you. the way he looked at you like you mattered—like he saw more than just sex.

it made you wonder.

what if he could be?

at sunset, you’re waiting just outside the university gym, sitting on the edge of a planter box as the warm, golden light spills across the campus. the air still holds a trace of the day’s heat, but it's softened now, carried gently by the evening breeze. your phone buzzes in your lap, but you ignore it, eyes focused on the gym entrance.

jaehyun walks out a moment later, his presence like gravity pulling your attention. he’s wearing a fitted black t-shirt that clings slightly to his damp skin, khaki shorts that show off his toned legs, and worn white sneakers. his training bag is slung over one shoulder, and droplets of water still trail from the ends of his freshly washed hair. he must’ve taken a quick shower after practice. his smile is soft, those signature dimples showing as he spots you.

“you ready to head to the apartment?” he asks, stopping in front of you. his voice is calm, smooth, like there's no rush.

“yeah, but… before that, i want to take you out to eat,” you say as you stand, brushing your hands over your clothes.

his brows raise slightly in surprise. “why?”

you shift your weight from one foot to the other. “i just… it’s a thank you. for taking me to the motel, for getting me food, for extending the time. and now you’re letting me stay at your place, so…” you trail off, cheeks heating up.

he tilts his head, eyes searching yours. “you don’t have to do that. it wasn’t a big deal.”

you bite your lip and shrug. “well, it is to me. no guy’s ever treated me like that before, so… i thought it’d be important.”

that seems to catch him off guard. he stares at you for a second longer, then nods. “alright. i’ll let you treat me. but don’t expect me to be easy to impress,” he teases, the corners of his mouth lifting.

you smile, relieved. “what’s your favorite food?”

he thinks for a second, then frowns. “i don’t really have one. i’ve been on a strict diet lately since i’ve got more tournaments coming up.”

your jaw drops slightly. “what do you mean you don’t have a favorite food? come on.”

he chuckles. “i’m serious. everything’s been about protein, greens, hydration… it’s been pretty boring.”

“that’s tragic,” you say with mock seriousness. “you’re in your twenties and you’re telling me you don’t even crave ramen or tteokbokki?”

“okay, fine,” he laughs. “i haven’t had kimbap in forever. does that count?”

you grin. “perfect. i know this place that makes really good kimbap.”

a little while later, you’re both seated at a small table in a cozy street-side diner. the kimbap comes out quickly, warm and fresh, and jaehyun’s eyes light up when he takes the first bite.

“this is really good,” he says with a satisfied sigh.

“you look happy,” you tease, watching the way he leans back in his seat, finally relaxed.

he nods, swallowing. “i am. i’ve got a big fight coming up—i’ll be up against a nationally ranked fighter. if i win, i’ll qualify for the majors.”

your eyes widen. “that’s huge! jaehyun, oh my god, congratulations!”

he rubs the back of his neck, clearly flustered by your excitement. “thanks… i’m trying not to jinx it.”

“you’re gonna crush it. you’re so disciplined and talented—seriously, it’s inspiring.” you smile at him, and it’s completely honest.

he goes quiet for a second, then looks down with a tiny smile of his own. he’s blushing. the tough, cocky boxer—blushing.

“you’re really bad at taking compliments, huh?” you say, laughing gently.

“maybe,” he replies with a grin, nudging your foot under the table. “but i don’t mind it when it’s you.”

you finish eating with that warm, playful tension between you, the kind that always seems to build whenever you’re with him.

you're walking beside jaehyun along the crowded sidewalk, the sun already sinking low, casting an orange glow on the buildings around you. he’s telling you something about a professor at the university who never shows up on time, and you’re half-listening, half-distracted by the soft drip of water from his hair. he smells faintly of soap and cologne, clean and warm. you smile at the way his voice hums, deep and casual.

but then, suddenly—

“jaehyun!” a bright, feminine voice cuts through the air.

before you can even turn, there’s a girl jumping on him—literally throwing her arms around his neck. you blink, startled, and take a step back. jaehyun catches her easily, like it’s nothing, one of his hands settling on her waist, holding her with casual familiarity. his smile grows wider, those pretty dimples showing instantly.

“noona, what are you doing here?” he asks, clearly happy to see her.

“i came to visit some friends,” she says sweetly, brushing her shiny, curled hair behind her ear. her eyes flick down his body like she’s assessing him. “you’ve gotten taller… or maybe just your shoulders?” she teases, reaching out to squeeze his bicep without hesitation.

you feel something twist in your chest. it’s hot and petty, and you know it, but still—you don’t like the way she’s touching him. you don’t like how close they are. how… familiar they are.

is she his girlfriend?

the thought hits you like a slap. no. no way. that would be cruel—after what you and jaehyun did… after he held you and kissed you and let you ride him like you were the only girl in the world.

the girl finally looks at you. her face lights up with surprise and a sly sparkle in her eyes. she's polished—makeup flawless, glossed lips, expensive jewelry. everything about her screams elegance. you suddenly feel plain in comparison.

“oh?” she says, eyeing you. “are you jaehyun’s girlfriend?”

your stomach drops. but at the same time, some part of you feels… relieved. so she isn't his girlfriend.

“ah… she’s…” jaehyun starts slowly, glancing at you, voice uncertain. “she’s my friend.”

“nice to meet you!” she chirps, stepping forward and taking both your hands enthusiastically. “i’m miyeon, jaehyun’s childhood friend.”

“a-ah… i’m y/n. nice to meet you too,” you say, barely holding your voice steady.

miyeon turns back to him with a soft pout. “jaehyun, you should bring y/n to our store sometime. you haven’t visited in so long.”

“i will. soon,” he says, his tone easy, but not committed. she beams and clings to his arm again, pressing against him in a way that makes your skin burn.

after a bit more small talk, she waves goodbye, and you and jaehyun continue walking. you’re quiet. so is he.

the train ride is short, but quiet too. you’re still chewing on the jealousy simmering low in your stomach. you don’t say a word until you’re back on the street again, just a few blocks from his apartment.

“jaehyun,” you say suddenly, stopping in your tracks.

he turns to face you, brows lifted.

you stand still for a second, then open your arms slightly—awkwardly. as if you’re asking for a hug.

he doesn’t hesitate.

jaehyun steps into you and wraps his arms around your body, holding you close. you melt into his chest.

“are you copying my noona?” he teases softly against your hair.

you shake your head lightly, but your cheeks are burning.

he leans back just enough to look into your eyes. “now i really can’t wait to get home,” he says with a grin and a very obvious double meaning.

you scoff and push him back a little, pretending to be annoyed—but you’re not. not really.

jaehyun unlocks the front door with one hand, still carrying his gym bag over his shoulder. he nudges the door open with his foot, letting you step in first. the place smells faintly of laundry detergent and cedarwood. it’s clean but lived-in, with a few scattered training wraps on the floor and a row of protein bottles lined up neatly on a shelf.

“make yourself at home,” he says, dropping his bag with a dull thud. “my roommate, junhoe, isn’t here. he’s probably off fucking his girl somewhere.”

you chuckle, still standing in the entryway.

jaehyun walks ahead, opening a side door. “this is the study,” he says, gesturing. it’s a small room, barely wide enough to fit a desk and some shelves, but there’s a window with good light and it smells like old books. “i can clean it up and maybe get a futon or something in here if you’re staying.”

you nod slowly, looking around, but your eyes keep drifting back to him. he’s leaned in the doorway now, watching you with that lazy, unreadable gaze, the same one he used to look at you that night at the motel—right before you climbed into his lap.

“there’s an extra mattress in my room,” he adds casually, but his mouth quirks up in a smirk that gives him away. “wanna see?”

you raise a brow. “you’re so subtle, jaehyun.”

he laughs, voice low and warm, and then turns on his heel. you follow him down the short hallway to his bedroom. the lights are dimmed, his bed already made, a dark gray comforter spread out neatly. he gestures toward the corner, where a folded mattress leans against the wall. “see? told you.”

but you’re not looking at the mattress.

you’re looking at him.

at the way the veins in his arms stretch as he runs a hand through his damp hair. at the way his shirt clings to the firm lines of his torso. at the faint red bruise just below his jaw—probably from sparring, but it looks like something you'd want to kiss.

“do you want to shower first?” he asks, turning back to you.

you shake your head. "i already showered earlier.”

“true,” he says, stepping closer. “but that was to wash off the sweat.”

“and this one would be to…”

he’s right in front of you now. inches away. his voice drops to a whisper.

“to get dirty again.”

you don’t move. you just look at him, look at the slight twitch in his jaw, the way his eyes flick to your lips. then you reach out, grab the hem of his shirt, and lift it over his head in one slow, steady motion.

jaehyun breathes in sharp and deep as your fingers skim his chest. his body is insane—broad shoulders, thick arms, chest hard as stone and wrapped in smooth golden skin. faint bruises pepper his ribs, evidence of training, and you drag your hands over one without thinking.

“you’re really something else,” you murmur.

“so are you,” he says hoarsely, fingers already at the waistband of your jeans.

clothes come off fast after that.

you fall together onto the mattress, his mouth hungry on yours. he kisses you like he’s starving, hands exploring, groping, dragging down your back. he moans against your lips when you grind your hips down on his thigh, searching for friction.

then he flips you over.

pins your wrists above your head with one hand, the other tracing down your stomach, between your legs.

“still wet,” he murmurs. “even though i haven’t touched you in hours.”

“shut up,” you pant, arching your back.

he chuckles and lowers his head. his mouth finds your neck, your collarbone, your breasts—licking, sucking, biting just enough to leave a mark. you cry out when his fingers finally slide between your folds, slick and slow.

“shit, baby,” he whispers. “you feel so fucking good.”

“then stop teasing me,” you groan.

he smirks. “as you wish.”

and then he’s inside you.

thick. hot. stretching you open all over again.

your back bows. his name spills from your lips like a prayer.

he moves slow at first—deep, careful strokes that make you shudder. but then he picks up the pace. harder. faster. his skin slaps against yours, your breath hitching with every thrust. the bed creaks. his grip bruises your hips. and you love it.

“jaehyun—f-fuck—”

“you like that?” he growls, voice wrecked. “you like being fucked like this? like a real good girl?”

you nod, crying out as your orgasm builds.

“i’m close,” you moan, nails digging into his back.

“come for me, baby,” he pants, kissing your lips hard. “i wanna feel you come around me.”

and you do.

it hits you fast, hard, white-hot.

your whole body trembles. he follows right after, gasping your name, burying himself deep inside you with one final thrust.

you lay there for a while, tangled together, sweat cooling on your skin.

his arms wrapped around you.

his lips brushing your forehead.

jaehyun is quiet for a long time after he comes, his chest rising and falling against yours as he tries to steady his breathing.

the room is dim, but you can feel the heat radiating off his body, the way his arms tighten around you, protective and gentle. he nuzzles into your neck, his lips brushing the damp skin there, not in a sexual way this time—more like he's grounding himself in your presence. you lie there, tangled up in sheets and each other, the only sound being the soft hum of the ceiling fan and your hearts calming down in sync.

he eventually pulls away just enough to look at you, eyes hooded but soft, and his fingers trace down the side of your face, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “are you okay?” he whispers, voice a little raspy, a little concerned.

you nod, smiling faintly, and reach up to cup his cheek. “yeah. just... full. in every way.”

his lips quirk into a crooked smile and he kisses your forehead. “good.” he stands, stretching just a bit before grabbing a clean towel from a nearby shelf. he wipes you down carefully, not rushing, not skipping a beat. he doesn’t say much during it, but the way he handles you—like you’re something delicate, like this moment matters—says everything you need to hear. afterward, he throws the towel into a laundry basket, slips on a pair of loose sweatpants, and pulls a t-shirt over his head. he brings you one of his shirts, big and worn and soft, and you slip it on before curling back into his bed. he climbs in beside you and pulls the blanket over both of you, spooning you close, one hand resting low on your belly, thumb tracing circles into your skin.

you're just starting to doze off in his arms when the front door creaks open and you both hear the familiar thump of sneakers being kicked off.

“yo,” comes a male voice from the hall. jaehyun groans softly and pulls back just enough to peek out from under the blanket.

“junhoe,” he mutters.

a few seconds later, a tall guy with sharp eyes and dyed ash-blond hair pops his head into the room. he freezes when he sees you in bed, cheeks flushing slightly, but he raises a hand in greeting anyway.

“ah... so you finally brought someone home. what’s up?” he says with a knowing smirk.

“shut up,” jaehyun groans.

you sit up slowly, pulling the blanket around yourself as you nod politely. “hi…”

“nice to meet you,” junhoe says. “don’t worry, i’m cool with it. just—maybe not when my girlfriend comes over. she gets… ideas.”

“no problem,” jaehyun replies casually. “i already told her about the study room.”

junhoe raises an eyebrow. “you’re letting her stay here?”

jaehyun just shrugs with that same smirk. “i don’t mind.”

junhoe glances between the two of you and chuckles. “cool. well, i'm grabbing some food and crashing. welcome to the apartment.”

he disappears down the hall and jaehyun flops back down next to you, draping his arm over your waist again. “that went better than i expected.”

“he seems nice,” you murmur, cheek resting against his chest.

jaehyun hums in agreement, and the two of you drift off again—safe, warm, and maybe just a little too comfortable in each other’s arms.

a few days later, you’re at campus, carrying a stack of large framed canvases and a bundle of messy supplies balanced precariously in your arms. you’re on your way to return everything to the storage room after a long morning in the art studio, still wearing a paint-stained hoodie and some old jeans. your focus is on not dropping anything when suddenly, someone rounds the corner at the same time as you—and crashes right into you.

“whoa—shit, sorry!” says a familiar voice as the both of you stumble. your brushes clatter to the ground, but strong arms steady you, grabbing your shoulders gently.

you look up—and your breath catches.

dong sicheng.

he’s smiling, wide and bright, and for a second you almost forget how to speak. his hair is longer now, a little shaggier, his features more defined. he’s still beautiful, unfairly so, but the braces he used to have are gone, replaced by a dazzling, smooth smile. he’s wearing a soft beige sweater and dark slacks, looking expensive in that effortless way he always did. he bends down immediately, helping you pick up your supplies.

“y/n?” he says, looking genuinely happy. “wow—it’s really you”.

“i thought you were on a break?” your voice barely left your mouth.

“i was. but i came back early,” he replies, smiling.

you forcing a smile even though something tugs hard at your chest. “and you… you look great, sicheng.”

he blushes a little, brushing some hair behind his ear. “so do you,” he says, kind as ever. “it’s really good to see you.”

you nod, trying not to let your emotions show. because what are you supposed to say? i missed you. i thought about you more than i should’ve. i wondered what might’ve happened if i’d just said something back then.

but you never did.

and now he’s here, standing in front of you with that same kind warmth in his eyes, and you feel it—nostalgia, longing, something bittersweet blooming in your chest.

you chat for a while, catching up on classes and schedules, and he insists on helping you carry the rest of your things to the storage room. you smile and joke like nothing's off. like you’re not thinking about all the things you never said. because what would be the point now?

still, as he walks beside you, close and careful not to bump your paintings again, you can’t help but glance over at him—at the smile, at the way the sun catches the curve of his jaw.

and you wonder if part of your heart still belongs to him. just a little.

after helping you carry the last of your things to the storage room, sicheng stretches his arms with a quiet sigh and then turns to you with that soft little smile you remember all too well. “hey,” he says, voice gentle, “do you have time for a coffee? i don’t have class until later and… it’d be nice to talk more.”

you hesitate only a second before nodding. “sure. i’d like that.”

you end up at a small café just off campus, tucked between an old bookstore and a flower shop. it’s quiet, the kind of place that smells like roasted beans and cinnamon, with soft music playing through slightly scratchy speakers. you sit by the window, sunlight pouring in and making his hair glow like spun gold. he leans forward on the table, hands wrapped around a cup of matcha, listening to you as you ramble a little about your classes, your projects, the endless deadlines. it feels easy. too easy. almost like the last year never happened.

eventually, curiosity gets the best of you. you glance at him between sips of your drink, then lower your cup and ask, trying to sound casual, “have you been seeing anyone lately?”

he blinks, surprised for a moment. then that smile returns—slow, knowing, maybe even a little amused. “no,” he says. “this year’s been… intense. i’ve been at the dance academy full time, and trying to sort out all the paperwork to get back here took everything out of me.” he shrugs, rolling his cup between his palms. “didn’t leave much space for dating.”

you nod, trying to hide how fast your heart is beating.

“besides,” he adds, his gaze locking onto yours, “there was no one in china who really caught my attention.”

his words hit you in the chest, knocking the air out of your lungs in a way that doesn’t hurt but leaves you speechless. it’s not just what he says—it’s the way he says it, the way his eyes hold yours like he’s daring you to admit something, like he’s just waiting for you to fall into the trap he’s carefully set with his smile and his calm.

you clear your throat. “well… me neither,” you say softly. “no dating. i’ve been really focused on school and, i guess… there’s no one who really stands out to me either.”

he raises his eyebrows a little, his lips curling as if to say “really?” but he doesn’t push. instead, he changes the subject with a soft laugh. “i need to cut my hair soon. i’ve been meaning to, but with everything going on i haven’t had time to rest, let alone make an appointment.”

you hum in agreement, letting your eyes drift over his face, the softness in his features, the way his lashes catch the light.

“but i’m really glad we got to catch up today,” he says, brushing a thumb over the rim of his cup. “i missed this. i missed talking to you. i hope we get to take some classes together this term—maybe even work on a project again. like the old days.”

your heart skips. not in a dramatic, crashing way, but in a quiet flutter that you try not to show on your face. you smile instead, nodding, and say, “yeah. me too.”

the walk back to jaehyun’s place is a blur. your body’s moving through the city, but your mind’s still in that café, replaying the way sicheng looked at you, the calm certainty in his voice, the not-so-innocent way he said there was no one who caught his eye. you keep wondering—was he just being nice? was he flirting? was it real? it shouldn’t matter, not after everything with jaehyun, not when you’ve already crossed that line with someone else… but your heart doesn’t care about timing, or logic, or consequences. it only knows the warm ache of “what if.”

you don’t even realize you’ve arrived until you hear jaehyun’s voice calling out from inside the apartment. “y/n? you’re back?”

you step in, taking off your shoes as the door closes behind you, and he appears from the hallway looking a little flushed, a rag in his hand and a faint sheen of sweat on his neck. “i was just cleaning the studio for you,” he says, waving toward the small room down the hall. “it’s not huge, but with the light in there and some organizing, it’ll be perfect.”

you walk in behind him, noticing how he’s already cleared space in the corner, set up a small table for your supplies, even propped one of your canvases against the wall. on the floor, there’s a mattress laid out neatly with a pillow and blanket, and he turns to you a little sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

“i, uh… i don’t have a bed frame for the extra mattress yet,” he says. “but don’t worry, i’m not gonna make you sleep like that. not when you're my guest.” he gestures toward his bedroom. “so, you’ll sleep with me. i mean—not like with me,” he adds quickly, ears turning red, “just, you know… in my room, you can have the bed if you want. i don’t mind sleeping here.”

you shake your head immediately. “i don’t want to take your space. it’s your room.”

but he just smiles at you, warm and sincere, and steps a little closer. “hey. you’re not taking anything. i want you to be comfortable here. i want you to feel like this is your space too, even if it’s temporary.” he looks at you for a long second, and then adds softly, “having you here… it already makes this place feel a little more like home.”

and just like that, something in your chest tightens—not painfully, but deep. a pull of affection, of something dangerous and familiar. you swallow hard, nodding, and whisper, “thank you, jaehyun.”

he grins, brushing his shoulder lightly against yours before walking off to put away the cleaning supplies, leaving you standing in the doorway of your new studio, heart full of too many things at once.

later that night, after unpacking the essentials and arranging a few of your supplies in the corner, you finally let yourself take a shower. the heat is unbearable—sticky and heavy, like it’s pressing against your skin—and jaehyun’s bathroom fills with steam almost immediately. you linger under the cold stream, letting it cool your body, calm your thoughts, and ease some of the tension still wound tightly in your chest after everything with sicheng.

you dry off and change into the lightest clothes you brought for sleeping: an old, thin cotton shirt and a pair of soft, loose shorts. no bra. it’s too hot, and your skin still feels tender from the shower. you gather your damp hair in a loose bun and step out into the hallway barefoot, following the quiet hum of a fan.

you find jaehyun in the studio—his new temporary bedroom for as long as you're staying. he’s sitting on the floor, legs stretched out in front of him, leaning back on his hands with a small oscillating fan blowing directly at his face. his black sleeveless shirt clings to his chest and shoulders, damp from sweat. the fabric is tight, showing off the sharp lines of his arms and torso, and the light gray sweatpants hanging low on his hips do nothing to distract from the way he looks: hot, flushed, and visibly uncomfortable.

you pause at the doorway, arms folded loosely across your chest, and tilt your head. “you look like you’re suffering.”

he turns to you, blinking slowly, his eyes dragging down your frame. you watch him swallow before giving you a small smile, breathless and sheepish. “yeah, the fan’s not doing much. this room is like an oven.”

you glance toward the hallway, then back at him. “you should sleep in your room. it’s cooler in there, and the a/c works. seriously, jaehyun, this heat could make you sick.”

he shakes his head, lifting a hand to wipe sweat from his neck. “i want you to be comfortable. you’re my guest, and that room’s yours now. i’ll be fine.”

you sigh, stepping further inside and lowering yourself beside him onto the mattress, knees brushing. “you’re being stubborn.”

“maybe,” he says softly, then adds with a smirk, “but you look cozy.”

you shrug, glancing down at your own body without thinking. the thin shirt clings to the curve of your chest, damp in places from residual heat and humidity. when you look back at him, his gaze has dropped—locked onto your chest, pupils darkening as his lips part just slightly.

his hand shifts, subtle and tentative, reaching as if to graze the side of your breast with the back of his fingers.

your reaction is immediate—you swat his hand away with a light slap, not harsh but firm enough to snap him out of it.

“don’t,” you say, voice low, a touch breathless. “they hurt.”

he blinks, confused. “they hurt?”

you nod, rubbing your arms. “since that night. i don’t know why. my nipples have been… sensitive. sore.”

he looks up at you again, something like guilt flickering across his face, mixed with an almost embarrassing curiosity. “shit. i didn’t know. i didn’t mean to—”

“i know,” you interrupt gently. “but i mean it. they’re really sensitive. it’s not just a little sore—it’s like… they get too sensitive to touch. even clothes feel like too much sometimes.”

the fan whirs between you, filling the silence with soft mechanical noise. his shoulder brushes yours as you sit side by side on the mattress, skin still too warm, hearts beating louder than they should.

then, softly, he leans closer. “can we… do it quietly?”

his voice is almost a whisper, barely audible above the fan, like he’s afraid of breaking the tension between you.

you turn to him with wide eyes. “jaehyun…”

he watches your face, eager but trying to be patient. “junhoe’s already asleep. he won’t hear a thing,” he murmurs. “and it’s not like he doesn’t know what we’ve been doing.”

you hesitate, biting your lip. “still, it wouldn’t be… appropriate.”

he smiles a little, tilting his head as he murmurs, “maybe not. but that’s never stopped us before.”

he shifts slightly, and that’s when you see it— the prominent bulge straining against the front of his sweatpants, thick and pressing insistently against the fabric.

your breath catches. your lips part unconsciously, tongue darting out to wet them as you swallow, hard.

your body betrays your logic—heat coils low in your stomach, and your thighs instinctively press together.

“…maybe,” you murmur, glancing away as if that could tame the look in his eyes, “we can be quiet…”

jaehyun doesn’t need more than that.

he leans in, hand cupping the back of your neck as he kisses you deeply, hot and hungry and slow. your mouths move together in perfect rhythm, muffled moans swallowed into each other as his fingers slip beneath the hem of your shirt. his palms are warm—calloused in places—and they glide up your ribs, dragging goosebumps in their wake until his thumbs brush beneath your breasts, avoiding your nipples carefully, remembering your earlier words.

you arch into him, knees parting as he presses you down onto the mattress, his body heavy and hot above yours. his sweatpants are tugged down just enough to free himself, and he groans softly against your neck as you reach down, wrap your hand around his length, guiding him to your entrance.

the stretch is slow, agonizingly deep. your breath hitches, nails curling into his back as your thighs lock around his waist.

“fuck,” he whispers, teeth grazing your ear. “so wet for me already.”

you hush him with a kiss, the angle messy and desperate. each roll of his hips is slow, controlled, but the pressure builds so fast you’re gasping into his mouth, fingers fisting the sheet beside you as you fight to stay quiet. his hand snakes between your bodies, fingers circling your clit with just enough pressure to have your body trembling beneath him.

he fucks you through it—deep, slow thrusts that have you clenching around him as you come, mouth open in a silent moan, your body arching into his until you feel like you're floating.

he follows soon after, muffling his own release into your shoulder, breathing ragged, his arms wrapped tightly around you like he never wants to let go.

afterwards, he doesn't move for a while—just rests his forehead against yours, his weight a comforting pressure, your bodies still joined, slick with heat and sweat and something much more tender.

“still too hot?” you whisper, brushing his damp hair back.

he chuckles softly, kissing your cheek. “worth it.”

the morning sun filters through the soft curtains, warming the kitchen tiles beneath your bare feet. you’re already awake, hair loosely tied, moving about quietly in the oversized shirt you changed out of earlier and a casual, short dress—something comfortable and light for the heat. the apartment is still drowsy, silent except for the sound of the pan sizzling and the gentle clinking of utensils as you prepare breakfast.

jaehyun appears behind you, shirtless, with messy hair and sleep still heavy in his eyes. he blinks, confused for a second, before a small smile pulls at his lips. “you’re already up?”

you glance over your shoulder and smile. “yeah. figured it was the least i could do. i’m taking over your space, after all.” you point to the neatly arranged plates on the counter. “i made something special for you—salmon, asparagus with a bit of lemon zest, egg whites with spinach, and some avocado toast. something clean, for your athlete diet.”

he flushes a little, eyes dropping to the food, then back to you. “you didn’t have to—”

“i wanted to.”

he doesn’t answer. instead, he steps closer, so close you feel the heat of his body behind you. his hands find your waist first, then glide up slowly, until his palms cup your breasts. his touch is careful, slow, fingers massaging softly, like he’s remembering what you told him about how sore they’ve been since you had sex. you exhale sharply, feeling the pull in your belly again.

“jaehyun…” you murmur, shifting slightly. “stop. junhoe could see.”

he leans in, presses a soft kiss to the shell of your ear. “he won’t be up for hours.”

but just then, a loud voice echoes down the hall. junhoe’s speaking—no, arguing—on the phone. you both freeze. his tone is annoyed, sharp, like he’s trying not to yell.

you push jaehyun back quickly, and he moves just in time to avoid suspicion as junhoe enters the kitchen. his expression shifts the moment he sees you—his frown smoothing into a smile.

“damn,” he says, sniffing the air. “you’re really making this place smell like home. i might need to learn your seasoning secrets.”

you laugh lightly, cheeks a bit pink, and he drops into a chair like the argument never happened. jaehyun joins you near the counter, acting casual, though you can still feel the ghost of his touch on your skin, the ache it left behind.

later, you're sitting in your morning class, a warm cup of coffee on the table beside your sketchpad. it’s quiet, the soft hum of discussion and charcoal against paper filling the room. you’re halfway through shading the curve of a collarbone when a familiar presence draws your gaze toward the door.

sicheng steps in.

his hair is shorter now—freshly cut, the soft brown strands falling over his forehead in a boyish fringe that makes him look impossibly youthful. there's no trace of the braces he used to wear, and his smile is just as warm, just as bright, but somehow… more refined. he’s dressed simply—black jeans, white oversized tee, sneakers still a little scuffed from dance practice. a tote bag hangs off his shoulder, half full of sketchbooks and folded dance clothes.

he notices you instantly, that same spark lighting his eyes. he waves, then walks over to take the seat beside yours like no time has passed. you smile back, but there’s something soft and bittersweet curled in your chest.

it’s strange—how seeing him again stirs all the memories like dust floating in sunlight.

jaehyun is like heat. sharp angles, smoldering glances, quiet control and intensity. he walks like the world bends for him, and he touches you like he owns your skin.

but sicheng is something else entirely.

his presence is gentle. like water, like a breeze, always moving around you instead of through you. he’s soft-spoken, thoughtful, and so expressive through movement—dance or drawing, it doesn’t matter. you don’t have to guess with sicheng. he always let you see him.

you find yourself watching him while he sketches beside you, his brow furrowed slightly in concentration, tongue peeking out at the corner of his mouth. you wonder if he meant it—what he said yesterday. that no one caught his eye in china. that he was too busy. that he was happy to be back with you.

and yet... you feel a pull in two directions.

your heart remembers how sicheng made you feel—safe, understood, like you were seen. but your body still aches for jaehyun, for the way he touches you, the way he whispers your name like it’s the only thing that matters.

you stare down at your drawing, your pencil hovering just above the page, and wonder how long you can keep walking this tightrope between nostalgia and desire.

the late afternoon light painted soft gold across the pavement as you and sicheng stepped out of the lecture hall, laughter low and easy between the two of you. your sketchbooks were tucked under your arm, the scent of coffee still lingering on your clothes. he said something about the way your shading had improved, and you smiled—genuinely, openly. it felt warm. safe. like home, if home had a heartbeat.

and then you felt it.

the heat of a gaze that wasn’t his.

jaehyun was across the courtyard, leaning against his car, arms crossed over his chest, black hoodie pulled over his head even in the heat. but his eyes—sharp, unrelenting—were fixed on you. or maybe on the way you looked at sicheng, as if he were something sacred, something carved out of soft marble and light.

your smile faltered for half a second. long enough.

jaehyun's brow furrowed, jaw tightening like it was holding back words he didn’t dare speak in public.

you said goodbye to sicheng shortly after, heart already twisting with the weight of what was coming.

the apartment door hadn’t even closed behind you before the silence turned heavy.

“so that’s him?” jaehyun asked from the kitchen, voice flat, almost too casual.

you paused, setting your bag down slowly. “what are you talking about?”

“the guy you were making heart eyes at all afternoon,” he said, turning around. “looked like you were about to drop to your knees and worship him.”

you rolled your eyes, your tone turning defensive. “don’t start.”

he took a step closer, eyes dark. “you really think i wouldn’t notice the way you looked at him? like he was the only person in the fucking world?”

you scoffed, crossing your arms. “and what if i did look at him like that? it’s not like you and i are anything.”

the silence after that was deafening.

you saw it—how his expression dropped, like you’d just pulled the rug out from under him. his shoulders tensed, breath hitching.

“so that’s all this is to you?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. “just... physical?”

you swallowed hard. the answer was on your tongue before you could stop it. “yeah. i thought we were just... blowing off steam. relieving stress.”

jaehyun looked at you like you’d just shattered something sacred. his hand dragged through his hair, a humorless chuckle slipping past his lips as he stared at the floor.

“fuck. i was really out here thinking we were building something,” he muttered. “that maybe... maybe this could be real.”

“jaehyun—”

“do you like him?” he interrupted, voice sharp now. “that guy. do you like him?”

you hesitated.

then nodded.

“yeah,” you said, voice soft but steady. “i think i do.”

he exhaled slowly, like he was trying not to explode. “right.”

you took a shaky breath, your own emotions catching up with you, fingers tightening around the hem of your dress. “maybe it’s better if we stop... whatever this is.”

his head snapped up.

“what?”

“i mean it,” you said. “you’re... you’re rough when we do it, jaehyun. even after i told you my breasts were sore, you still—” your voice cracked. “you kept touching them. like you didn’t listen. like you didn’t care.”

his face twisted in something between guilt and regret. “i didn’t mean to hurt you—i thought you liked it rough.”

“that doesn’t mean you can ignore me when i say something hurts,” you whispered.

he nodded, lips pressed into a line. “i’m sorry,” he said, stepping back. “i didn’t... i never wanted to make you feel like that.”

you stayed still as he grabbed his keys and water bottle from the table, slinging his gym bag over his shoulder.

“i’ve got training,” he said, not looking at you.

then, almost too fast to register, the door slammed shut behind him.

the echo of it left a hollow ache in your chest.

you stood there, alone in the quiet apartment, heart caught somewhere between anger and guilt. you hadn’t meant to hurt him, but the truth needed to be said.

still... it didn’t stop the sting that came with seeing him walk away like that.

and even though you’d been the one to draw the line, the silence he left behind wrapped around you like a second skin, suffocating in all the places he used to touch.

the gym was almost empty.

just the steady thump of fists against heavy bags and the distant hum of a playlist echoing through the padded walls. jaehyun stood alone in one of the back corners, shirt already soaked with sweat, jaw clenched so tightly his temples ached.

he'd been there for nearly an hour. hitting. dodging. repeating.

trying to erase the memory of your voice.

"you’re rough... even after i told you it hurt..."

the words played in loops in his head, louder than the music, louder than his own grunts as he threw punch after punch into the worn leather bag in front of him. his knuckles burned, taped up but raw underneath, wrists aching from the impact. but he didn’t stop.

"maybe it’s better if we stop."

he hit harder.

"you’re not listening."

harder.

"you don’t care."

his chest heaved with every breath, muscles tight, adrenaline pumping like poison in his veins.

"fuck," he growled under his breath, sweat dripping down his temple.

what the hell did you mean he didn’t care?

he did. too much, probably. that was the problem. he'd been trying so hard to show you, to express it in the only language he knew—touch, closeness, giving you his bed, making room for you in his world. but it hadn’t been enough. or maybe it had all been wrong.

and the worst part? he knew he wasn’t bad at this.

he’d never been the guy to leave girls unsatisfied. the girls he’d been with before? breathless, sore, obsessed. they texted him days later, months later, wanting more.

but you—you had made him feel like maybe none of that mattered.

maybe it wasn’t about the moves or the technique or how long he could make you scream.

maybe it was him.

his fists collided with the bag again, this time with a loud crack as one of the seams split slightly.

he didn’t even blink. just kept going.

“fuck,” he spat again, this time louder.

why wasn’t he enough?

why did it hurt so much to see you look at that other guy—sicheng—like he was art? like he was peace? like he was something soft and safe and deserving?

he hit again. again.

his mind raced.

did you think sicheng would be better in bed too?

gentler, sweeter, more “attentive”?

did you imagine him when you touched yourself now?

did you even think of jaehyun at all?

his vision blurred for a second, and before he could stop himself, he released a brutal, full-force punch with both hands—

CRACK.

the bag snapped off its chain and slammed into the floor with a dull, heavy thud.

jaehyun stood there, chest rising and falling rapidly, staring down at the busted bag like it was somehow your face, or maybe his own shame.

blood dripped from a busted knuckle. he didn’t feel it.

all he could hear was the echo of your voice, and the unbearable quiet that had come after you said goodbye.

the rain hadn’t stopped all evening.

you sat curled on the couch, blanket over your legs, scrolling aimlessly on your phone but not really seeing anything. you kept glancing at the window, hoping to hear the elevator ding, or footsteps in the hallway. nothing. just the sound of the storm, the wind howling against the glass, the relentless rhythm of the water beating down.

where is he?

you chewed on your lip, guilt twisting inside your stomach. he said he had training... but that was hours ago.

you hated that you still cared. hated that even after everything you said earlier, you were still worried. still thinking about him.

and then—click.

the front door creaked open.

your head snapped up. footsteps. wet ones.

you got up quickly, padding toward the small hallway, and then you heard it—a cough. rough and dry, followed by another one.

you peeked out.

there he was.

jaehyun stood in the entrance, completely drenched. soaked hair dripping over his forehead, shirt clinging to his body like second skin—completely see-through. every line of muscle beneath visible, his chest heaving slightly from the cold. his shorts were stuck to his thighs, sneakers squishing quietly against the tiles. he looked like a fucking painting. tragic. stunning. broken.

you inhaled sharply.

“you’re soaked,” you said, barely above a whisper.

he looked up at you, blinking water from his lashes. his eyes were tired. dark. unreadable.

you rushed to his room and grabbed the first towel you could find, returning quickly and holding it out for him.

he took it silently, rubbing at his hair with a few quick motions. droplets still clung to his jaw, his collarbones, sliding slowly down his neck, disappearing beneath the curve of his chest.

you stood there, frozen, watching him.

watching the muscles shift beneath his wet shirt as he patted himself dry. your eyes couldn’t help it—traveling from the hollow of his throat, down the sculpted lines of his torso, tracing the trail of water that disappeared into his waistband.

his gaze lifted suddenly, sharp and accusing.

why the fuck is she looking at me like that? like she wants to eat me alive... when she’s the one who ended it.

he didn’t say it. but you saw it. written all over his face.

your throat tightened. “oh— you should take a shower... before you catch a cold.”

his jaw ticked. he looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t.

“yeah,” he muttered. and then, after drying his hands enough not to leave puddles, he walked past you, disappearing into the bathroom.

you stood there, heart racing, the scent of rain and sweat still lingering in the air.

later, when the water had stopped running and you heard his door creak open again, you knocked gently on the wall of his room.

he was sitting on his bed in loose shorts and a hoodie, towel around his neck, hair still damp.

“can we talk?” you asked.

he didn’t look at you, just nodded.

you sat down beside him. the silence stretched long.

“i’m going back the day after tomorrow,” you said softly. “they wrapped up the research earlier than expected.”

he nodded again. “that’s good.”

you felt the ache in your chest grow. heavy and stupid.

“i just wanted to say... thank you,” you continued, voice a little unsteady. “for letting me stay. for everything. i know things got complicated but... you didn’t have to be so generous. and still, you were.”

jaehyun looked at you then, something unreadable in his eyes.

“it was nothing,” he said. then after a pause, added, “i really did enjoy having you here.”

you blinked.

having you here.

did he mean sharing space? or sharing bodies? or something in between?

you didn’t ask. you couldn’t.

because suddenly, the idea of leaving felt like dragging a blade through your own chest.

but you smiled anyway. and nodded.

"me too..."

that night, the apartment was quiet—too quiet, except for the constant hum of the fan coming from the studio. It was the only sign that jaehyun was still there, locked away in that room like he wanted to disappear into the heat and noise.

you stood in the kitchen, stirring the last touches of the dinner you had prepared. the scent of garlic and herbs filled the air, but your appetite was gone. all you could think about was how everything was coming to an end. that in just two days, you’d be gone. back to your place. back to your normal life.

without him.

the thought squeezed your chest.

why did we let it end like this?

but maybe it was for the best. things were getting complicated… you were starting to feel something, and not just for jaehyun. sicheng’s soft smile haunted your thoughts more than it should. and it felt wrong. it felt like you were betraying someone, and you didn’t even know who anymore.

you walked toward the studio and gently knocked on the door.

"jaehyun," you said softly. "dinner’s ready."

a moment passed before you heard his voice, rough but calm. "i’m not eating dinner. i’m cutting it three weeks before the tournament."

you frowned. "three weeks? that’s hardcore."

"it helps me stay in weight class," he answered. "and sharp."

"you’re really impressive," you said honestly. "so disciplined… i don’t think i could sleep on an empty stomach."

you heard the lightest chuckle from inside. it made your lips curve, a warmth blooming in your chest.

"i was thinking," you added. "it’s getting really hot in there. why don’t you sleep in your room tonight?"

silence.

then his voice, slower this time: "i don’t want to make you uncomfortable. not after earlier."

"it doesn’t make me uncomfortable," you admitted, a little too fast. "what makes me feel worse is knowing you're locked in there, sweating your ass off just to keep distance from me."

more silence.

later that night, you watched him drag the extra mattress into the room. he didn’t say much. neither did you. he just placed it gently on the floor and started setting it up like it was the most normal thing in the world.

you crawled into your bed and faced the wall, but you could feel him there. his presence, his breath, his energy.

he was trying to give you space.

and it hurt.

was he doing this because you asked him to? or because he really didn’t want to be close anymore?

you closed your eyes, but sleep didn’t come.

not with your body still remembering the feel of his mouth.

not with your heart aching like this.

the room was still, humid with tension. jaehyun's mattress lay across from your bed, a quiet symbol of the space now between you. you could hear his breathing, steady and calm, and for a moment you wondered if he was already asleep.

you weren’t.

your skin was hot, your thoughts restless. every little thing about the day had only stirred the ache further. the weight of goodbye, the ghost of his mouth on yours, the memory of his body—

"jaehyun?" you whispered.

there was a pause. then, his voice, low and a little raspy: "yeah?"

you hesitated, fingers curling into the bedsheet. "can you… kiss me? just once more?"

a breath caught in his throat. "what?"

"just one last time," you whispered again, barely audible. “before i leave.”

he didn’t answer, not with words. you heard the rustle of his blanket, the shift of his weight. then he stood, walking across the room and sitting beside you. in the dark, you felt his hand brush your cheek. you leaned into it.

his kiss came soft, uncertain at first. lips barely moving. a farewell. a memory in the making.

then it deepened—sweet, aching, slow. his tongue gently parted your lips, as if savoring the moment. like he didn’t want to let it go. you moaned softly against his mouth, hands sliding up his shoulders, fingertips grazing the curve of his neck.

his hands followed the lines of your body, but he didn’t push—just held you, like he wanted to memorize how you felt under his fingertips.

you guided one of his hands downward, over your ribs, across your stomach, lower, until his palm was between your thighs, pressed over your heat.

he froze, breath stalling.

"you're wet," he whispered, stunned. his forehead touched yours. "can i kiss you there?"

your thighs shifted, your core pulsing beneath his touch. and even though the rational part of you screamed don’t, your lips whispered something else— "yes... please."

he didn’t hesitate. slowly, he slid down the bed, pushing the covers aside, placing soft kisses on your inner thighs as his hands gently separated them. your legs trembled as he settled between them, breath ghosting over your already soaked folds. you were burning. aching. breathless with anticipation.

"you’re so fucking sweet," he murmured, lips brushing just above your clit. "i’ll be gentle this time. promise."

his tongue met your heat like he’d been dying for this. slow, deliberate licks, tracing you open, savoring your taste like a man starved. his mouth wrapped around your clit and sucked softly, making your hips jerk against him, a gasp torn from your lips. you slapped a hand over your mouth to stay quiet—junhoe was still in the apartment—but your body refused to obey.

"baby..." he whispered, licking a stripe down your slit. "you said this was the last time... but how am i supposed to let go of this?"

you whimpered as his fingers joined the party, slipping two inside you with sinful precision. they moved in rhythm with his mouth, hitting that sweet spot over and over, your thighs shaking around his head.

you were going to come. embarrassingly fast. "fuck, j-jaehyun—" "i got you," he mumbled, voice deep and thick against your core. "just let go. i want to feel you fall apart for me one last time."

your body obeyed his words before your mind could catch up. the orgasm rolled over you like a wave—deep, warm, toe-curling. you bucked against his mouth, clenching around his fingers, moaning into the pillow to muffle your cries.

when you finally stilled, breath ragged, skin damp with sweat, he kissed your inner thigh again. gentle. reverent.

he crawled back up, resting beside you, lips swollen, eyes dark but soft.

you looked at him. flushed, breathless, wrecked by his mouth, and yet aching for more.

"that wasn’t just a kiss," you whispered.

"no," he said, brushing your hair off your face. "it was me showing you that i fucking meant it. all of it."

the next day, you were in class, sitting beside sicheng. the room smelled like linseed oil and graphite, the mellow scent of the arts building you’d come to love. your hands moved across the canvas, sketching lines with soft, deliberate strokes—though your mind was far from focused.

he leaned over you, reaching for a box of charcoals, and your hands brushed. just a moment. just fingertips. but it sent a shiver up your spine. later, as you both reached for the same jar of solvent, your elbows bumped, and you felt his warm breath near your cheek. again, it seemed like a coincidence, but every little contact made your stomach tighten.

you tried to concentrate, to breathe through the rising heat in your chest, but your thoughts kept pulling you back to last night. to Jaehyun. to the weight of his body. the sound of his voice when he was between your thighs. the way your name left his lips like a prayer and a plea.

you hadn’t even realized you’d been staring into nothing until sicheng turned slightly, studying your expression.

"you're distracted," he said softly, his voice like silk. “you’ve redrawn the same line five times.”

you gave a small, dry laugh and shook your head. “i guess i’m just… tired.”

he tilted his head, that same calm, unreadable smile dancing on his lips. “that’s not the look of someone who’s just tired. that’s the look of someone who keeps thinking about someone else.”

your heart skipped. his gaze was gentle, but piercing. he saw right through you.

you lowered your head, hiding the flush that rose to your cheeks. “i don’t want to talk about it,” you whispered with a sad smile.

he didn’t push. he just nodded. “okay,” he said simply. “but you should come tomorrow night. the dance club has a small showcase. nothing formal. just movement and music. might help you get out of your head for a while.”

you nodded slowly. he lifted a hand and gently placed it on your forehead, checking your temperature.

“no fever,” he murmured. “but something’s definitely burning in there.”

you almost melted from that touch, so full of care. that was sicheng—soft-spoken, graceful, thoughtful. so different from jaehyun, whose touch burned like wildfire and left you gasping.

sicheng’s energy was gentle rain.

jaehyun’s was summer lightning.

when you got back to the apartment, the day had started to fade. you were packing up your things—your sketchbooks, your clothes, the small souvenirs you’d collected during your stay. junhoe was outside, laughing with his girlfriend. jaehyun was still at training. he had warned you it would be intense this week, but told you to call him if you needed anything.

even after everything, he was still… good to you.

you ate alone. showered. and the silence of the apartment began to settle in your bones. it wasn’t just the heat that made your skin feel flushed—it was something deeper. more primal. your thighs rubbed together with a soft friction as you walked around your room, and the sensation only made things worse.

lying in bed, your mind betrayed you. you thought of his voice, his mouth, his hands on you. the way he’d whispered your name while he kissed down your body.

you shouldn't. you shouldn't. but your body ached. your fingers slipped under your shorts, brushing over sensitive skin. your breath caught. then deepened.

you moaned softly, barely biting down the sound. "jaehyun..." you whimpered his name like a secret, hips twitching, your core wet and throbbing from the memory.

you were too far gone to hear the knock at the door. too caught in the heat building between your thighs to register the voice on the other side.

“y/n?” jaehyun’s voice came again, more firm. “i’m coming in.”

you didn’t hear him.

so he opened the door.

and froze.

you were sprawled on the bed, your body arched, your fingers deep inside, glistening with your own need. you were panting, whispering his name in broken sighs, eyes shut tight.

his jaw clenched. his chest rose and fell rapidly as he stood there, rain still dripping from his hair. he hadn't even changed out of his workout clothes yet.

you opened your eyes.

and saw him.

the heat rushed to your face, but your body didn’t stop. not yet.

he stared at you like he couldn’t breathe.

you licked your lips, chest heaving.

“close the door,” you said softly, voice trembling, not from shame—but from desire.

jaehyun stood frozen for a heartbeat, rainwater dripping from his hair onto his shoulders, again, dark patches spreading across his shirt where sweat met humidity. his eyes devoured you—spread open, soaked with need, your fingers still buried in your pussy, slick and glistening under the dim light of your bedside lamp.

he moved.

the door clicked shut behind him.

you watched the muscles in his arms flex as his hand remained on the knob for just a second longer, as if trying to convince himself to stay on that side of the threshold. but it was too late. he had already seen you. already heard the way you moaned his name like a hunger. there was no turning back now.

he took one step, then another, until he was standing at the edge of the bed.

your fingers stilled, but didn’t leave your core. you kept your eyes on him, testing him. daring him.

“i couldn’t stop thinking about you,” you whispered, throat dry. “about your mouth... your hands…”

his breath hitched.

then, as if that snapped the leash he’d been holding all day, he moved. fast.

he dropped to his knees at the edge of the bed, his large hands sliding under your thighs, pulling you to the edge like you weighed nothing. his eyes locked with yours—dark, intense, but still seeking permission.

you nodded.

“say it,” he rasped, his lips barely touching the inside of your thigh. “tell me i can taste you.”

“please,” you breathed. “i need your mouth on me… now.”

he groaned like a starving man given his first taste, and then he was on you.

his tongue swept over your folds in one slow, deliberate lick that made your entire body shudder. his grip on your thighs tightened, spreading you further, anchoring you against the mattress. he licked you again, then again, teasing the edges of your clit before finally sucking it between his lips and giving it the attention you were dying for.

you cried out, your back arching, one hand flying to his hair, gripping it as you rolled your hips into his face. he moaned against you, the vibration shooting up your spine like lightning.

“f-fuck, jae,” you gasped, legs already trembling.

he hummed in response, pulling you closer, burying his face deeper between your thighs. his tongue flicked, circled, then flattened against your clit in slow, rhythmic pressure that made your stomach twist in the best way.

and then—one finger slid inside you. then another.

you clenched around him with a moan that echoed off the walls.

he fucked you with his fingers as his tongue worked your clit like he knew every nerve ending in your body. it was too much. it wasn’t enough. your moans got louder, needier, your hips grinding into his mouth.

you were so close.

“i’m gonna—jaehyun, i—!”

he sucked hard, curling his fingers just right—

and you shattered.

your thighs clamped around his head, your scream muffled by your own palm as your orgasm tore through you like a wave crashing, your body convulsing in pleasure as you rode his mouth, unable to stop the way you trembled.

he held you through it, slow and patient, licking you gently, easing you down with soft kisses and slow fingers until your body finally collapsed against the bed, boneless and buzzing.

when he finally pulled back, his mouth was glistening with you. his chest rose and fell in heavy breaths, his eyes dark and wild.

and then, he leaned up and whispered against your lips—

“your turn to taste me.”

the next morning came quicker than you'd hoped. the sun barely kissed the windows when you were already up, heart still aching with confusion, with memories—tender and hot—that clung to your skin like ghostly hands. you got dressed in something simple, but lovely. not for anyone in particular, or so you told yourself… but deep down, you knew better. for him. maybe.

the chinese classical dance showcase was held in the university’s small theater, adorned with flowing red curtains and warm lighting that gave the place a soft, enchanted glow. there was a hush in the room as people took their seats, the air filled with anticipation and the faint notes of traditional instruments.

and then, when the lights dimmed and the curtain pulled open—he appeared.

sicheng.

draped in silk that flowed with every precise, delicate movement, his presence on stage was otherworldly. ethereal. like he didn’t belong to the same world as the rest of you. he moved with an elegance that stole your breath—arms extended in slow, sinuous arcs, his fingers painting invisible poems in the air. each leap, each spin, was poetry, full of grace and intention. time bent around him. for the minutes he danced, there was no past, no tomorrow. only him.

you were spellbound. your chest tightened with something sweet and dangerous. why does he have this effect on me?

sicheng twirled in the air as if he were defying gravity itself, his silhouette floating with a grace that felt unreal. his hair moved with the rhythm of his body, the folds of his costume danced like soft waves around him. every muscle seemed to flow with pure, clean, almost sacred intention.

your eyes followed him in a trance... but then, a blink—and the image of his body was replaced by another. more solid. more earthly. more raw...

the room was silent, save for the ragged breathing between you. the light was dim, just a small lamp casting a warm glow over the sheets. jaehyun had you pinned against them, his hair still damp, his eyes lit up. he had just made you come with his mouth, his tongue. and now... now he was looking at you with a wicked grin, a drop of sweat trailing down his temple.

“now it’s your turn to taste me,” he said in a low, husky voice, his fingers brushing your cheeks before guiding your face down.

you settled between his legs and took him into your mouth, savoring the heat and weight of his erection, feeling his body tighten with every move of your lips. your fingers traced along his thighs as you let him slide deeper, eager, hungry. he moaned your name, one hand tangled in your hair, the other caressing your neck, your shoulder... his hips trembling beneath your attention.

when he finally came in your mouth, you swallowed it all, never breaking eye contact, as if that moment was a statement. of desire. of surrender. of something you weren't sure was just sex anymore.

a sudden wave of applause jolted you back to the present.

the lights on the stage had changed. sicheng was now bowing, his chest rising and falling gently as he caught his breath, his lips parted in a serene smile. his fellow dancers joined him, their elegant costumes glowing under the soft stage lights, but you couldn’t focus on anyone else. just him. the way a drop of sweat trailed along his jawline, how the fabric of his outfit clung to his body in all the right places. ethereal, beautiful, almost not real.

your cheeks were burning. not just from the warmth of the theater.

you’d just spent the last few minutes with your mind between jaehyun’s thighs.

clapping like the rest, you tried to mask your daze, but your pulse was racing. your lips tingled with memory. and yet… your eyes were on sicheng, on his grace, his soft composure, the quiet elegance that contrasted everything about last night.

he caught your gaze then—just for a second. he smiled. gentle. curious. and maybe, just maybe, a little bashful.

your hands shook a little as you held the floral arrangement you brought of white lilies and soft lavender stems, carefully wrapped in pale gold paper. you hadn't planned to bring flowers. it had been a sudden impulse at a corner stand on your way to the venue. but now, looking at his glowing face and flushed cheeks, it felt like the right choice, not until you saw him step off the stage, cheeks flushed from the exertion, his hair slightly damp with sweat.

you approached, heart hammering, and when you handed him the bouquet, his eyes widened. “for me?” he asked softly, voice like velvet.

you nodded, suddenly shy. “you were… incredible.”

a faint pink spread across his cheeks. around him, a few of his dance friends whistled and nudged each other, muttering playful comments under their breath.

“damn, sicheng. didn’t know you had a secret admirer.”

“who’s this pretty girl, huh?”

he smiled awkwardly and turned to you. “don’t listen to them,” he said quietly, taking the flowers with both hands like they were something fragile. precious. “but… thank you. really.”

you smiled back, heart fluttering wildly. you didn’t know what any of this meant yet. but you knew one thing: for those minutes watching him dance, the only person in your mind was him.

or maybe not...

his friends were still teasing him behind their hands, but in that moment, it felt like you and him were in your own little world.

a quiet pause stretched between you.

then—

“want to go for a walk?” he asked softly. “i still feel like i’m floating. and maybe i need help grounding myself.”

you smiled, heart stuttering in your chest.

“yeah… i think i need that too.”

sicheng walked up to you with his face softly lit by the park’s lanterns, the same ones now catching on the edges of the petals he held between his fingers—the small bouquet you'd given him after the performance. his steps were slow, careful, as if he didn’t want to disturb the fragile stillness between you.

"thanks for coming," he said, his voice quiet, almost like a breath.

you nodded, still caught in the afterglow of watching him move on stage. the way his body floated, controlled yet weightless, like he wasn’t bound by the rules of gravity. you hadn’t expected it to affect you like this. but it had. deeply.

"it was beautiful, sicheng… really. i couldn’t take my eyes off you," you said, almost absentmindedly. your fingers fidgeted with the sleeve of your coat, as if trying to hold on to something more solid than your drifting emotions.

he smiled, just slightly, but didn’t look away.

"you were like a feather in the wind… so light. So fluid. i didn’t know you could move like that."

you kept talking, caught in the spell of the moment. and then, before you realized it, the words slipped out.

"that's why I liked you so much…"

silence.

sicheng blinked, tilting his head like he wasn’t sure he’d heard you right.

"you liked me?"

your breath hitched, panic fluttering in your chest. "i—i mean… i used to. in the past. it was just a little crush," you rushed, trying to backtrack. "it doesn’t matter anymore."

sicheng watched you carefully, his expression unreadable. "so… do you still like me?"

you hesitated. "no!" you said too quickly, too sharply. then softer, almost afraid of the weight your own voice carried. "no..."

but his eyes stayed on yours, gentle but questioning. you sighed.

"maybe. i mean, a little. i think… the feelings are coming back. but i know you don’t feel the same way, and that’s okay. you don’t have to worry or feel pressured or anything like that, sicheng. i just hope this doesn’t change anything between us. i'd hate to make you uncomfortable. and if you want me to stay away, i will. just… please, don’t be upset."

you looked down, cheeks burning, heart pounding in your ears. you’d said too much, or maybe not enough. you couldn’t tell.

sicheng stood there for a moment, as if processing your words. the soft rustle of leaves in the breeze was the only sound between you, a small, peaceful distance that felt so wide in the silence. he stepped a little closer, his eyes soft but intense, and then he spoke, his voice steady and calm, but there was a hint of vulnerability in it.

"don’t worry," he said with a gentle smile, his hand reaching out to lightly touch your arm, offering comfort. "i won’t be upset. i’m not going to ask you to stay away. i'm your friend, and that won’t change because of this."

He paused for a beat, looking at you as if searching for something in your eyes, something more than just the words you’d said. He wanted to make sure you were okay.

"but…" he continued, his voice dropping a bit, "i can't pretend i don't care about you. i think i always have, even if i never said it before. it’s just… it’s complicated now, and i don’t want you to feel pressured either. so, let’s just take it slow, okay? we don’t need to rush anything."

sicheng's expression softened even further, and for a moment, it was like the world around you two disappeared. his smile wasn’t just comforting, it was full of understanding.

you were standing so close to him now, your heart beating loudly in your chest. the air between you was thick with unspoken words, with tension you couldn’t ignore. you hesitated, staring into his eyes, wondering if you were truly ready for what you were about to ask.

“now that you know… can you do me a favor?” the words came out quieter than you intended, the weight of them settling heavily in the air.

sicheng blinked, his eyes narrowing in thought as he processed your request. “a favor? what do you mean?”

your gaze flickered away from his, your voice catching in your throat. you weren’t sure if you could bring yourself to say it aloud. but the urge was too strong, the need inside of you too overwhelming. you exhaled slowly, almost in defeat.

“can i kiss you?”

his eyes widened, the shock registering in the brief silence that followed. for a moment, it felt like the world had stopped. his breath caught in his throat, and you saw the uncertainty flicker across his features.

“you want to... kiss me?” he asked, his voice almost a whisper, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

you nodded, barely able to meet his gaze. "yes... i just... i need to know. i need to know how it feels, how your lips taste. it's... it's been eating at me, this feeling. maybe... maybe it’s just to push this feeling away. i don’t know."

he stood frozen for a moment, his expression a mix of shock and something you couldn’t place. he looked at you for a long, lingering second, his eyes searching yours as if to see if you were being serious. then, he seemed to shake himself from the stupor and scratched the back of his neck, nervous and unsure.

“i… i didn’t think you’d say that,” he muttered, voice a little rough, the words tangled in his throat.

he lowered his gaze for a brief moment, his hand nervously brushing his cheek. “i’m not sure what to think. but…” he trailed off, and when he met your eyes again, there was something unreadable in his gaze. “okay. but… make it quick.”

you felt your heart beat faster at his words, the rush of anticipation and fear flooding through you. you didn’t know if you were making the right choice, but the craving was too strong, and there was no turning back now.

you took a step forward, the movement slow, deliberate. you could feel the tension in your own body, the nervous energy that seemed to hum through the air. his body was stiff, unsure, but he didn’t pull away. he waited.

with shaky hands, you placed them on his shoulders, feeling his muscles tense under your touch. his breath hitched, and you swore you could hear the thumping of your own heart. you leaned in slowly, your lips brushing against his for a split second. It was a soft, tentative touch, like testing the waters. But the moment your lips met, something shifted.

the kiss wasn’t just a kiss. it was a question. it was an answer. you were both asking for something, craving something that neither of you could fully understand.

you pulled back slightly, looking into his eyes, searching for any hint of what he was feeling. but before you could even process his reaction, he leaned in again, his lips meeting yours with more urgency this time. his hand moved to your back, pulling you closer. the kiss deepened, and everything around you seemed to blur, the world fading away except for the heat between you two.

the kiss was no longer short, no longer just a way to silence the burning question. it was desperate, as if you both needed more, as if this was something that had been building for so long that it couldn’t be contained any longer. his hands roamed up your back, fingers digging into your skin, pulling you even closer. you felt the heat rise in you, the growing need to touch, to feel, to be lost in him.

his lips moved against yours with a purpose, his body pressing into yours as if there was no room for anything but the two of you. the kiss continued, each second stretching into eternity, each touch, each brush of skin against skin, sending sparks through your body.

but then, reality hit. you pulled back, gasping for air, your chest rising and falling rapidly. his breathing was heavy as well, his eyes wide, lips still tingling from the kiss. you couldn’t stop the rush of emotions flooding through you—desire, confusion, fear.

“i… i shouldn’t have done that,” you whispered, your voice shaky.

sicheng didn’t say anything immediately. he looked at you, his expression unreadable, like he was trying to piece together everything that had just happened. the silence stretched on, heavy between you. his hand brushed over his mouth, as if he were still feeling the sensation of your lips on his.

you couldn’t look him in the eye, the weight of your actions crashing down on you. the tension between you was unbearable now, and you didn’t know what would come next.

then, in the distance, you heard footsteps. jaehyun. he had finished his workout and was walking out of the gym, just as you and sicheng stood frozen in the aftermath of what had just transpired. jaehyun’s eyes caught yours and sicheng’s, and in that moment, you saw the flash of recognition in his gaze. he froze in place, staring at you both, the confusion and pain clear on his face.

his chest tightened as he processed the sight before him, and in an instant, something inside him seemed to break. all the thoughts, all the moments he had imagined between the two of you seemed to shatter. it was like a cruel slap to the face, reality crashing down on him, and he turned away, the pain settling into his chest, knowing that everything had just changed.

the sound of your footsteps felt heavier than they should have as they echoed through the empty apartment. you were packing your things, moving with mechanical precision, but your mind couldn’t escape the haunting image of last night. the kiss. sicheng. his hands. your heart pounding in your chest like it might explode.

everything about it was vivid. the heat of his body, the intensity in his eyes, the way he touched you... and now, as you stood there, surrounded by your things, you felt lost. something inside you had snapped, and you couldn’t figure out why. you didn’t understand what you had just done.

you had run. you hadn’t even thought about it. you ran from sicheng, from the confusion, from the storm of emotions swirling inside you. you ignored his calls, not because you didn’t care, but because you couldn’t explain something you didn’t even understand yourself. you felt terrible—empty.

you paused, feeling your body shake, your hands trembling. you bent over slightly, resting your hands on your knees, trying to steady yourself. the nausea in your stomach was unbearable, like it was rising from deep within you. it wasn’t the kiss, it wasn’t what had happened between you and sicheng—it was something deeper. something didn’t feel right. It felt wrong. simply wrong.

and then you remembered. the night before. the night you had been with jaehyun. you had been in his arms, lost in him, and it had felt real. sincere. everything about it had been intense, wild, and raw. but now, with sicheng, you felt nothing but emptiness. a hollow sensation that gnawed at you from the inside. why didn’t you feel the same way with jaehyun? why did everything feel so deliriously good with him? why had it felt like it was right, like you belonged there? now, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you had just made a mistake.

you sank down onto the floor, your back against the wall, and buried your face in your hands. the dizziness didn’t fade. the weight of your thoughts was suffocating. you needed to breathe. you needed to calm down.

but how could you calm down when you didn’t know what you were feeling? you had been with jaehyun—everything had felt so right with him, so raw and real. and now… now it all seemed confusing. you had never felt this conflicted before.

you didn’t know if you could trust your feelings anymore.

and then you heard it—the silence, the absence of his presence. jaehyun. he hadn’t come home. you hadn’t heard from him all day. no messages. no calls. nothing.

he had left first. and you hadn’t even had the chance to reach him. you had tried, but it was impossible. the way he looked at you—the hurt in his eyes, the disappointment. you could feel it still. he had seen you, had seen the two of you together, and something in his expression had shattered. he didn’t want to see you anymore. not after what you’d done.

your stomach churned again. the truth was that you didn’t want to be in this mess, but here you were, trapped in a web of confusion, unable to untangle the feelings inside you.

you couldn’t go back. you couldn’t change what had happened with jaehyun or with sicheng.

and yet, here you were. lost in the aftermath.

jaehyun’s footsteps were heavy as he walked down the darkened streets, each step taking him farther from the image that had been seared into his mind. he had tried to push it away, tried to shake off the sting of seeing you and sicheng together, but the moment kept replaying in his head.

he hadn’t returned to the apartment. no, he couldn’t. not after what he had seen. not after the raw, aching pain that twisted in his chest when he saw you, your lips pressed against his. the image of sicheng’s hands on your body, his lips moving with yours, had made his stomach churn with a mix of anger and hurt. he hadn’t expected it—he hadn’t prepared for the jealousy that hit him like a punch to the gut.

his thoughts were scattered as he wandered aimlessly. he ended up at taeyong’s place, needing a distraction, anything to stop the storm of emotions that had overtaken him. he let himself in, muttering a brief greeting before collapsing on the couch. taeyong was there, of course, with a drink in hand, silently observing him. jaehyun didn’t speak at first, just grabbed the glass taeyong offered him and took a long sip, feeling the burn of alcohol slide down his throat. it was the only thing that seemed to calm the fire inside him.

“you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” taeyong remarked, his voice laced with concern.

jaehyun let out a bitter laugh. "no, it's worse. i saw something i wasn’t supposed to see."

taeyong raised an eyebrow but didn’t push him further. jaehyun didn’t need to explain. taeyong always understood. he leaned back into the couch, his mind replaying the scene—your face, the way you kissed sicheng, like you belonged to him. jaehyun felt a tightness in his chest. he didn’t know why it hurt so much. he wasn’t even sure where he stood with you anymore. you had been so distant recently, and yet, seeing you with him, it felt like a betrayal.

it wasn’t that he hadn’t seen this coming—he had. he just hadn’t expected it to hit him this hard. and now, every drink he took seemed to make him forget for a moment, but the feeling always returned. the hurt. the confusion. the jealousy.

jaehyun’s fingers tightened around the glass, his mind swirling with thoughts of you. why didn’t you tell me? his chest ached, but he didn’t want to confront you—not yet. he wasn’t ready to face whatever was happening between you two.

he didn’t know if he was angry, heartbroken, or just lost. all he knew was that he couldn’t shake the image of you and sicheng together, and it felt like something inside him had snapped.

“damn it,” jaehyun muttered under his breath, taking another sip, his gaze distant.

the days passed slowly, like honey sliding down glass—thick, heavy, and impossible to stop.

you left the apartment the very next morning. you didn’t wait for jaehyun to return. maybe you were too ashamed. or maybe… you were afraid of what his silence truly meant. returning to your own place felt like stepping backward into a version of yourself you had outgrown. everything was still the same, but everything felt different.

unpacking was painful. every folded shirt, every book you placed back on the shelf carried the weight of disappointment. guilt clung to you like damp clothes. you had betrayed something you hadn’t even fully understood yet. something tender. something real. something that had bloomed quietly between you and jaehyun… and now was ruined.

yes, you were the one who ended it. you had been the one to say "we shouldn't" back when things got too deep. you told him not to catch feelings. and still—you had let him back in the same way he’d always slipped through the cracks in your walls. and now, after everything, there was nothing.

no calls.

no texts.

no late-night knocks on your door.

even though he knew exactly where you lived.

nothing.

you cried for the first few days. not because he hadn’t come, but because you didn’t know what you wanted him to do anymore. you were angry with yourself—for wanting him despite it all. for needing his arms when you had no right to ask for them. sicheng had kept his distance too. and you? you let him. maybe that was for the best.

your friends tried to distract you—girls’ nights, coffee dates, random gossip and karaoke—but they didn’t know. not really. they assumed you had fallen for sicheng again, that he’d rejected you for good this time. and you didn’t correct them. it wasn’t entirely a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either.

two weeks passed. fourteen days without a word from him. and you were slowly starting to accept it.

until—

it was a thursday afternoon when your paths finally crossed again.

you were at the university gym, dropping off some flyers for the art department's spring showcase. you weren’t expecting to see anyone. especially not him.

but there he was.

inside the training room, under the harsh fluorescent lights, gloves on, sweat clinging to his shirt. jaehyun. focused. sharp. fierce. every punch he threw looked like it carried a piece of the storm inside him. his coach barked something, and jaehyun adjusted his stance, but his movements were tight. frustrated.

you froze outside the glass doors, unsure if you should move or melt into the floor. but then he noticed you.

his eyes caught yours.

and for a moment, everything stopped.

he didn’t look angry. he didn’t look cold. he looked tired.

he stepped out of the ring, pulled off his gloves, and walked toward you slowly, wiping his face with a towel. you swallowed, nerves curling in your stomach like fists.

“hey,” you said, your voice barely audible.

he didn’t answer right away. Just stood there, chest rising and falling, eyes scanning you like he didn’t know whether to breathe you in or let you go again.

“i wasn’t sure i’d ever see you again,” he finally said, his voice low.

“i didn’t think you’d want to,” you replied. you bit your lip. “you didn’t come. or call. i thought that was your answer.”

he looked down, exhaled slowly, then met your gaze again. “i couldn’t.”

his voice cracked just a little. “i tried... every day. but i couldn’t look at you and not remember…”

you stepped forward, just slightly. “I know, i know it was... awful.”

“no,” he interrupted. “you don’t understand. i didn’t stay away because i hate you. i stayed away because i didn’t know how to stop wanting you even after everything.”

silence stretched between you. the hallway suddenly felt too quiet.

“i ruined it,” you whispered.

jaehyun shook his head. “maybe. maybe not.”

another pause.

“i have a fight in three days,” he added, softer. “it’s my biggest match yet. national-level. i’ve been training harder than ever. but… it hasn’t helped.”

you frowned. “why?”

“because you’re still here,” he said, placing his hand over his chest. “and i can’t punch that away.”

tears pricked your eyes, and your breath caught in your throat.

“i’m not asking for anything,” you said quietly. “i just… i missed you.”

his gaze softened. “me too.”

then, slowly, he reached for your hand, curling his fingers around yours like he wasn’t sure if this was a mistake. like touching you might hurt—but not touching you hurt more.

“you coming to watch me fight?” he asked, with the faintest of smirks. “or do i have to win without you in the crowd?”

you let out a soft laugh, choking on emotion. “i’ll be there.”

“good.” he gave your hand a gentle squeeze. “because i want to win with you watching. not for you. just… with you there.”

and for the first time in two weeks, your heart didn’t feel like it was splitting open. it just felt full.

the crowd was louder than you expected. people packed the stands, their voices rising in a chorus of cheers, whistles, and anxious calls. the atmosphere in the arena pulsed with energy, but all you could hear was your own heartbeat.

and jaehyun’s name being called.

you were sitting near the front, just behind his coach, surrounded by other athletes, trainers, and curious fans. the lights dimmed slightly as the announcer’s voice echoed across the arena.

“coming to the ring now… jung jaehyun!”

you stood without realizing, eyes wide as he stepped into the spotlight. his robe slid off his shoulders, revealing the toned body you already knew too well, but now wrapped in determination. his jaw was clenched, his eyes locked forward. he looked powerful, composed—like a storm waiting to be unleashed.

but when his eyes scanned the crowd…

he found you.

for a split second, his expression shifted. just a flicker of softness in the middle of all that steel. and that was just for you.

you felt it deep inside—something warm, something alive again.

the bell rang.

the first round started fast.

his opponent was no amateur—he moved with precision, like a shadow in motion. jaehyun didn’t hesitate. he dodged, countered, landed a jab. then another. you gripped the edge of your seat, body tense with every strike. he was holding his own. no—he was winning.

but then the second round came, and it got messier.

the other boxer caught him hard—right hook to the ribs, then a left jab to the cheek that made jaehyun stumble. gasps filled the room, and your heart dropped into your stomach.

he got back up.

you rose from your seat, whispering his name under your breath like a prayer. come on, jaehyun… come on.

and he did. like a man possessed.

round three was war. each punch carried purpose, rage, and focus. his muscles burned, but he didn’t stop. he pushed through the pain, through the exhaustion, through whatever was still bleeding inside him. because you were watching.

he could feel you watching.

in the final seconds of the round, he landed a brutal uppercut that knocked his opponent clean off his feet. the crowd erupted. the bell rang.

and he won.

you didn’t realize you were crying until someone nudged you, telling you it was over. that he’d done it.

but all you could think was—he’s going to look for me.

and he did.

still breathless, sweat clinging to him like a second skin, jaehyun left the ring and walked straight toward you. no interviews. no press. no team celebration.

just you.

he reached you in two long strides, grabbed your face with both hands, and kissed you so fiercely you forgot how to breathe. the world fell away. no one else mattered.

when he finally pulled back, his forehead resting against yours, he whispered:

“i needed you there. i fought better because of you.”

your voice cracked as you whispered back, “i’ve always been with you.”

and in that moment—under the lights, in front of everyone, after all the silence and all the mistakes—he smiled.

because no matter how broken it had felt…

you were here.

and maybe, just maybe, you were going to be okay.

the small speaker you both had in your bathroom started to play music from his playlist. as you stand facing the water, the shower door opens from behind you, letting in cool air. you turn to see his toned naked body climb in, closing the shower behind him and letting the steam cloud your vision. jaehyun reaches for you and immediately pulls you into his firm chest and kisses the top of your head.

“i swear, you always take the hottest showers,” his voice is an octave lower than normal and it’s clear that he just recently woke up, it’s your favorite version of him. so raw and untamed, reminding you that no matter how perfect he is, he’s still human. you look up at him, offering a soft smile.

“it helps calm my mind,” you wiggle out of his embrace and begin to work the soapy loofa into his chest, careful to not let your gaze avert to lower than his v-line which is always harder than you think, his happy trail leading to one of your favorite places on his body.

“i don’t wanna smell like your fruity body wash.” he’s giggling as he frantically tries to grab the loofa from you, succeeding almost immediately.

“well, i figured that you wanted me to help you get clean. considering you’ve hijacked my shower.” you laugh only half joking. as much as you love showering with jaehyun you had your mind set on a meditation shower alone.

“can you blame me? i’ve been y/n deprived all week. i’m putting myself in your schedule wherever i can.” he’s pulling you closer yet again, his grip tighter than the last time. “i’ve missed you.”

“i’ve missed you too, jae.” you blow out a huff of air as you shut your eyes. “you have no idea.”

jaehyun’s hands traveled from your waist down to your ass, giving it a small squeeze. the kiss he plants on your lips is needy and hungry, as if you were the meal he’s been waiting to have all week. your arms wrapped around his neck as you sunk into his touch, getting completely lost in the kiss. your moan was almost inaudible but he heard it and he smirked against your lips. jaehyun knows exactly what he’s doing to you.

“why don’t i show you how much i missed you, love?”

Y/N had been up since early morning.

She moved quietly around the house, still in her pajamas, hair tied up messily as she worked. First came the balloons—red, pink, and white—tied carefully to chairs, door handles, and the staircase railing. Then the streamers, the fairy lights, the little heart-shaped confetti she sprinkled on the table.

By late morning, the kitchen smelled like vanilla and sugar.

She stood in front of the oven, nervously checking the cake for the third time, apron dusted with flour. Baking from scratch had taken longer than she expected, but when she finally pulled out the heart-shaped cake, perfectly golden, she beamed.

“Okay,” she whispered to herself. “Worth it.”

After frosting it and decorating it with tiny red hearts, she set it on the counter to cool. Then she grabbed her phone and connected it to the speaker, scrolling through her playlists until she found the one she’d been secretly building for weeks—songs he loved, songs that reminded her of him, songs from late-night drives and quiet mornings together.

She pressed play.

Soft music filled the house.

Y/N glanced around, heart fluttering. Everything was ready.

Just as she was fixing the ribbon on the gift box, she heard it.

Keys.

The familiar sound of the front door unlocking.

Her eyes widened.

“He’s home.”

She dropped what she was holding and ran.

Barefoot, she rushed down the hallway, barely slowing before turning the corner—

And there he was.

Jaehyun stood in the doorway, still in his uniform, shoulders slightly slumped from exhaustion. His hair was a little messy in the way she loved. In one hand, he held a bouquet of red roses.

And on his face—

That tired, gentle smile that only ever appeared when he saw her.

“Hey,” he said softly.

She didn’t even reply.

With a small gasp, Y/N ran straight into his arms, jumping up and wrapping her legs around his waist. He instinctively caught her, arms tightening around her as he laughed.

“Woah—hey,” he chuckled. “I missed you too.”

“I missed you more,” she said immediately, burying her face in his neck.

She pulled back just enough to look at him, hands framing his face, and kissed him.

Hard.

Passionate.

Like she’d been waiting all day for it.

He kissed her back without hesitation, dropping the roses for a moment just to hold her closer. When she finally pulled away, slightly breathless, she rested her forehead against his.

“Hi,” she whispered with a smile.

His lips curved up. “Hi.”

He picked up the bouquet and held it out to her.

“For you,” he said gently. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Her eyes softened instantly. She took the flowers, hugging them to her chest.

“They’re beautiful,” she murmured. “Thank you.”

Then she looked back at him, gaze full of love, hands sliding to his cheeks.

“Happy birthday, baby.”

Jaehyun’s smile grew wider.

And in that moment, exhaustion didn’t matter anymore.

All that mattered was her.

Jaehyun finally steps fully inside, closing the door behind him.

And then he really looks.

The balloons floating near the ceiling. The soft lights. The table covered in food. The neatly arranged plates. The heart-shaped cake sitting proudly in the center.

All of it.

For him.

He turns slowly, eyes wide, taking everything in like he’s afraid it might disappear if he blinks.

“Y/N…” he breathes.

She stands there nervously, hands clasped together. “Do you like it?”

Instead of answering, he walks straight to her and pulls her into his arms, wrapping her up against his chest.

“Did you do all this for me, baby?” he murmurs into her hair.

She nods. “Of course I did.”

He lets out a soft laugh, full of disbelief and warmth. “I’m so lucky,” he says quietly.

Then he tilts her chin up and kisses her again—slow this time, lingering, full of gratitude and love.

She melts into it instantly.

When he finally pulls back, she stays tucked against him, arms wrapped around his waist, cheek pressed to his chest. Her hands slide up his arms without thinking, fingers squeezing his biceps.

She hums softly.

“…You’re bulkier,” she says with a grin.

He looks down at her, amused. “Oh yeah?”

She squeezes again. “Yeah. Definitely.”

He gives her that lazy, confident smile.

The one that always makes her heart race. The one that always makes her feel warm and flustered.

Her stomach flips immediately.

He notices, of course.

He always does.

“So,” he asks casually, arms still around her, “when is everyone else coming?”

“In a few hours,” she replies. “I wanted you to have time to rest first. Shower, relax… before your birthday party.”

His expression softens even more.

“You really thought of everything,” he says.

He leans down and presses a gentle kiss to her lips, then another to her forehead.

'I'm gonna take a shower,' he murmured, his voice low and warm. He leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek, his lips brushing her skin just a little longer than necessary. 'Maybe you should join me,' he added, his breath warm against her ear, sending a subtle heat blooming through her body.

Y/N felt that familiar warmth spread, her cheeks flushing as she met his gaze. Without a word, she stood, her hand finding his, and they moved toward the bathroom together, the air between them charged with anticipation.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Jaehyun turned to her, his hands cupping her face as he captured her lips in a deep, hungry kiss. 

It started slow, but quickly deepened, his tongue tracing hers with a desperation that spoke of how much he'd missed this closeness.

His fingers trembled slightly as they slid down her sides, tugging at the hem of her shirt, pulling it up and over her head. 

She mirrored him, her hands exploring the familiar planes of his chest, unbuttoning his shirt with deliberate care. Piece by piece, their clothes fell away—her bra unclasped, his pants discarded—until they stood bare before each other, skin flushed and hearts racing. 

Jaehyun's touches grew more urgent, his palms gliding over her back, pulling her flush against him, as if he couldn't bear even a whisper of space between them. 

He kissed her neck, her collarbone, murmuring against her skin how he'd craved her touch, how empty the days without her had felt.

Finally, he stepped toward the shower, twisting the knob to let the water cascade down in a steady, soothing rhythm. 

Steam began to fill the room as he glanced back at her, his eyes searching. 'Is the temperature okay?' he asked softly, his voice laced with care.

She nodded, a small smile curving her lips, and he drew her under the spray with him. The warm water enveloped them, rivulets tracing paths down their bodies as their mouths met again, kisses turning fervent yet tender. 

Jaehyun's hands found her hips, lifting her effortlessly, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, her ankles locking behind him. 

The water made their skin slick, heightening every sensation as he positioned himself, entering her slowly, inch by inch, with a reverence that made her breath catch.

Y/N gasped, her hands slipping from his shoulders down his arms, fingers digging into the taut muscles there as she adjusted to the fullness of him. 

His cock filled her completely, the connection igniting a fire that was both gentle and consuming. 

Jaehyun groaned softly, his forehead resting against hers, water dripping from his lashes. 

'I missed you,' he whispered, his voice breaking with emotion as he began to move, slow thrusts that built a rhythm of pure intimacy. 'Missed this... missed us.'

She clung to him, her body responding in kind, rocking with his movements as the steam swirled around them. Each slide in and out was deliberate, drawing out the pleasure, their breaths mingling in the humid air. 

'I missed you too,' she breathed, her lips brushing his jaw, her heart swelling with the depth of their reunion. His hands supported her firmly, one at her back, the other cradling her thigh, as if she were the most precious thing in his world.

The pace remained unhurried, every motion laced with love—his hips rolling to meet hers, her nails grazing his skin in silent encouragement. 

He repeated the words like a mantra, 'Missed you... so much,' punctuating each thrust with a kiss, his eyes locked on hers, conveying everything words couldn't. 

The tension built gradually, a shared wave cresting higher with each connected heartbeat, until it shattered over them both. 

They came together, her gasp turning into a soft cry against his shoulder, his body shuddering as he held her close, spilling into her with a final, deep press.

In the aftermath, they stayed entwined under the water, breaths slowing as Jaehyun lowered her gently, his arms never leaving her waist. 

He kissed her temple, the water washing away the intensity, leaving only the warmth of their bond.

-----------------

After their shower, Jaehyun comes out looking refreshed—hair still slightly damp, hoodie swapped for a soft sweater, shoulders relaxed for the first time all day.

And just in time.

The doorbell rings.

Then again.

And again.

One by one, the members of 127 start arriving, filling the house with laughter and familiar voices.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

“Bro, we missed you.”

“Finally a day off, huh?”

They pull Jaehyun into hugs, clap him on the back, tease him about looking too comfortable already, and place their wrapped gifts carefully on the growing pile on the table.

Meanwhile, Y/N is in the kitchen, focused, sleeves rolled up, moving between pots and trays.

From the living room, Jaehyun hears them talking.

“This place looks amazing,” Johnny says, looking around. “You went all out.”

Jaehyun grins proudly.

“That was all Y/N,” he replies immediately. “Every single thing.”

The members exchange knowing looks.

“Of course it was,” Doyoung laughs.

Music starts playing. Conversations overlap. Someone turns up the volume just a little. Members and friends settle on the couch, on chairs, on the floor.

It feels like home.

By the time dinner is ready, Y/N is constantly moving—bringing out dishes, refilling drinks, checking if anyone needs anything, running back into the kitchen.

Jaehyun notices.

Every time.

She barely sits down.

He’s laughing, joking, enjoying himself—but his eyes keep drifting to her.

Working. Again.

After dinner, everyone spreads out, full and comfortable.

Jaehyun ends up on the couch beside Johnny, talking about work, schedules, and how weird it feels to actually have a birthday off.

He’s smiling.

But then—

He sees her.

Y/N is leaning against the wall near the hallway, talking quietly with Yuta, laughing softly at something he says. One hand holds a glass, the other still has a dish towel draped over it.

She still hasn’t rested.

Jaehyun watches her for a few seconds. Then, without saying anything, he pats his lap.

A silent signal.

She looks over.

Then she smiles.

Immediately, she excuses herself.

“Sorry, hold on,” she tells Yuta softly. She walks straight over.

Johnny notices and smirks.

She stops in front of Jaehyun. “Yes, sir?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Come here.”

She doesn’t argue.

Y/N turns and settles onto his lap easily, one arm slipping around his shoulders as she gets comfortable. Jaehyun’s arms come around her without thinking, hands resting securely at her waist.

Finally.

She relaxes.

Johnny chuckles. “There she is. We were wondering when you’d steal her.”

Jaehyun shrugs. “She’s been working all day.”

Y/N smiles into his shoulder. “I’m fine, baby.”

“I know,” he murmurs near her ear. “But now you’re resting.”

She tilts her head to look at him. “Bossy on your birthday, huh?”

“Always,” he replies with a lazy grin.

She laughs softly and stays right where she is.

And for the rest of the night, no matter how loud the music gets or how many people talk at once—

Jaehyun doesn’t let her go.

At some point in the middle of Johnny’s story, Y/N stops responding.

Her fingers, which had been lazily tracing circles on Jaehyun’s arm, go still.

Her breathing evens out.

Her head sinks fully against his chest.

Jaehyun notices first.

He looks down.

And smiles.

She’s asleep.

Curled up on his lap, cheek pressed to his hoodie, arms loosely wrapped around him like she’s afraid he might disappear.

He carefully adjusts his hold, one arm tightening slightly around her back, the other resting protectively over her waist.

“Out cold,” he murmurs.

Beside him, Johnny laughs quietly. “She worked herself into a coma for you.”

Jaehyun shakes his head fondly. “She didn’t sit down once.”

“She loves you,” Johnny says simply.

Jaehyun looks down at her again.

“I know.”

For the next hour, he barely moves.

He talks quietly with Johnny and a few of the others, always keeping his voice low, always making sure she’s comfortable.

Eventually, the night winds down.

One by one, the members of 127 start gathering their things.

Before leaving, they help clean—stacking plates, throwing out trash, folding blankets, wiping counters.

“Happy birthday, man,” Mark says, clapping his shoulder.

“Take care of her,” Jungwoo adds with a grin.

Jaehyun just nods. “Always.”

When the door finally closes and the house goes quiet, it’s just the two of them.

Soft lights.

Faint music still playing. And her, asleep on him.

Carefully, slowly, he slides his arms under her legs and back.

Lifts her.

She stirs immediately.

“M—mm?” she mumbles, eyes fluttering open. “What… what happened?”

“It’s okay,” Jaehyun whispers, kissing her temple. “Everyone went home.”

She blinks sleepily. “Did I… fall asleep?”

“Yeah, baby,” he smiles. “Hard.”

“Sorry,” she murmurs automatically.

He shakes his head. “Don’t apologize.”

He carries her into the bedroom and gently lays her down on the bed. When she tries to sit up again, still half-asleep, he places a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey,” he says softly. “Relax. It’s okay.”

She sighs and lets herself sink back into the pillows.

Jaehyun kicks off his shoes, turns off the light, and slides in beside her, pulling her close until she’s tucked against his chest again.

Right where she belongs.

She curls into him without even thinking.

“Today…” he murmurs after a moment, voice low and sincere, “was so special.”

She hums sleepily. “Yeah?”

“All because of you,” he says. “Everything. The house. The food. The party. How loved I felt.”

He presses his lips to her hair.

“I love you so much.”

Her eyes stay closed, but her arms tighten around him.

“I love you too,” she whispers.

The room is quiet. Just the soft hum of the heater and their breathing.

Y/N lies curled against Jung Jaehyun’s chest, fingers lightly tracing the fabric of his shirt.

For a while, neither of them speaks.

Then, softly—

“…Can I tell you something?”

He tightens his arms around her a little. “Always.”

She hesitates, then exhales.

“It’s been hard,” she admits quietly. “When you’re gone.”

His chest rises slowly beneath her cheek.

“I know you’re doing something important. I know it’s temporary. I know I’m supposed to be strong,” she continues. “But… I miss you. All the time.”

He tilts his head slightly, listening.

“I’m someone who needs physical presence,” she says. “I need your touch. Your warmth. Falling asleep with you. Waking up next to you. Just… knowing you’re here.”

Her voice wavers.

“And sometimes, when you’re away, it feels like something’s missing.”

He lifts his head a little so he can look at her.

She meets his eyes.

“But,” she adds quickly, a small smile forming, “this is your last birthday in the military.”

His brows lift slightly.

“You’re getting discharged soon,” she whispers. “And that makes me really happy. Because it means… we’re almost done with this part.”

He looks at her for a long moment.

Then his hand comes up.

Gently.

He cups her face, thumb brushing under her eye, holding her like she’s the most precious thing in the world.

“Thank you,” he says quietly.

She blinks. “For what?”

“For staying,” he replies. “For sticking around while I finish my service. For being patient. For not giving up on us.”

Her throat tightens.

“I know it hasn’t been easy,” he continues. “It wasn’t easy for me either. Being away from you… thinking about you every night and not being able to hold you.”

He presses his forehead to hers.

“But I never doubted us,” he murmurs. “Not once.”

She feels her eyes sting.

“I know we’re meant to be,” he says firmly. “And this time apart? It’s nothing. Nothing compared to all the years we’re going to spend together.”

Her lips tremble.

“Living together. Traveling. Growing old. Making memories. Waking up next to each other every day,” he whispers. “This is just… a small chapter.”

A tear slips down her cheek.

He wipes it away immediately.

“Hey,” he murmurs. “Don’t cry.”

“I’m not—” she laughs softly through it. “I’m just… emotional.”

He smiles. “I know.”

She cups his face this time.

And kisses him.

Slow.

Deep.

Full of everything she couldn’t put into words.

He kisses her back just as tenderly, holding her closer like he never wants to let go.

When they finally pull away, she rests her forehead against his.

“I’m so proud of you,” she whispers.

“And I’m so lucky,” he replies. “To have you.”

They curl back into each other, hearts full, futures clear—

Knowing that soon, the waiting will be over.

And they’ll have forever.

----------------

he should have known better. you loved him, you were completely his, you had stood in front of dozens of people and promised it. still, that irrational burn in his stomach rose fast, curling into his throat until it threatened to spill. his lips pressed into a firm line as he shoved his hands into his pockets, broad shoulders squared in a stance that screamed 'don’t test me'.

your coworker said something else, and you laughed again, head tilted back slightly. jaehyun’s eyes tracked the way your throat moved when you did, the way your cheeks flushed from genuine amusement.

that should’ve been his.

the click of his polished shoes against the office tiles made you turn your head, and the moment you spotted him — your whole expression shifted. your smile widened, your eyes softened, like every part of you was suddenly tuned to him and him alone.

“hyunie!” you called warmly, voice carrying across the small office. “you’re here already.”

the coworker blinked, turning to look at jaehyun.

“ah, this must be the famous husband. i heard a lot about you.”

jaehyun moved closer, each step steady but heavy. his gaze flicked briefly to your coworker’s face, then dropped — too close. his arm brushed against yours when he reached your desk, and only then did his lips twitch into something resembling a smile.

“yeah,” he said evenly, his voice low but unmistakably firm. “i’m the husband.”

your coworker’s brows rose at his tone, then he chuckled lightly, raising his hands as though to surrender. “got it. loud and clear. well—enjoy your lunch, you two.”

he retreated quickly, muttering something about an email he had to finish.

you then fully turned to jaehyun, brows lifting. his face was unreadable, though his eyes were fixed on you, scanning every detail like he needed proof you were really his. his hand slid to your lower back, warm and solid, guiding you toward the door with a touch that was a little firmer than necessary.

as you walked together, you could feel the heat radiating off him, his tall frame crowding your space like he refused to let even the hallway air touch you.

“hyunie,” you teased softly, tilting your head up at him slightly. “that was… a little intense.”

jaehyun didn’t answer right away. his jaw was tight, and his thumb moved in slow, unconscious circles against your hip, holding you closer than usual. his brown dark eyes flicked down to meet yours finally, and the storm in them made your chest tighten.

“he made you laugh,” he murmured, his voice almost a growl but with a thread of vulnerability woven in. “like… like the way you laugh with me. i don’t like that.”

your lips parted in surprise. “baby… he’s married. you know that, right?”

jaehyun leaned down, closing the distance until his forehead brushed yours. his voice dropped, a little husky, almost a whisper only you could hear.

“i don’t care,” he said, his pout barely restrained. “that laugh is mine. that smile—” his fingers pressed firmer into your hip, “—is mine. you are mine.”

you felt your breath catch as his warm lips brushed yours in the middle of the hallway — not rushed, not sloppy, but slow and deliberate. he tilted his head, deepening it just enough to make his point very, very clear. his hand came up to cup your jaw, thumb stroking your cheek as he kissed you like the entire office could disappear and he wouldn’t even care to notice.

when he finally pulled back, his brown eyes were still locked on yours, chest heaving slightly.

“tell me i’m right,” he whispered.

you were still catching your breath, lips tingling, heat rising in your neck. god, he was ridiculous. ridiculous and so hot you could barely think.

you chuckled softly, brushing your thumb against his lower lip. “you’re right, hyunie. i’m yours. only yours.”

his lips curved then, the first real smile since he walked in, but his grip on your waist didn’t ease — if anything, it tightened, as though he never intended to let you go.

and, in all honestly, you didn’t want him to.

you never wanted him to.

jaehyun kept you tucked firmly against his side as he led you out of the building. it wasn’t like he was dragging you — jaehyun would never be rough with you — but the weight of his palm on your waist was unmistakable. it was claiming and protective. he held you in a way that left no room for doubt about who you belonged to, his fingers spread wide and pressing warm through the thin fabric of your shirt.

the moment the office door clicked shut behind you both, you immediately felt his chest expand with a deep inhale, like he could finally breathe again now that you were out of sight.

still, his silence spoke louder than anything else.

“hyunie,” you murmured, tilting your head as you walked across the parking lot together. “you’re awfully quiet.”

he didn’t look down this time, his jaw set as he guided you to his car. “mmh.”

just that. a clipped sound, tight in his throat. his hand squeezed your side briefly, thumb digging in for a second before easing. you recognized that tic — it was the physical version of his pout.

by the time you reached the car, you were already suppressing a smile.

he opened the passenger door for you, steady and courteous as always, but his eyes lingered, scanning your expression like he was making sure you hadn’t given away something important to someone else. only once you were settled in did he round to the driver’s side, sliding in with a tension that made the air feel heavier.

the car was warm, faintly scented with the cologne you’d picked out for him weeks ago. the engine didn’t start. instead, jaehyun turned in his seat immediately, his large hand reaching for your thigh without hesitation.

the heat of his palm sank through your slacks, grounding and possessive all at once. he didn’t move it right away — he just held you there, thumb resting against the curve of your leg, his dark eyes locked on yours.

you raised a brow. “you’re not going to drive?”

“no,” his voice was really soft, but there was still an edge underneath, an unmistaken stubbornness. “not until you tell me again.”

your lips quirked. “tell you what?”

“that you’re mine.”

his fingers flexed on your thigh, the muscles in his forearm tensing. he leaned closer, every inch of him radiating heat, until the scent of his cologne and the faint warmth of his breath wrapped around you.

“that no one else gets your smile. or your laugh. or…”

his hand slid a fraction higher, squeezing, enough to make your pulse jump.

“…anything.”

the jealousy in his tone was sharp, but his eyes — dear lord, his beautiful eyes — were way more than that. dark brown and glossy with something rawer. not anger. but fear. that tender, ridiculous fear of losing you, even though he had no reason to.

your chest softened immediately. married or not, he was still your puppy, desperate for reassurance.

so, you chuckled softly, brushing your knuckles against jaehyun’s jaw.

“you’re so dramatic. we literally have matching rings,” you lifted your hand slightly, wiggling your left ring finger, the gold band catching the light. “pretty sure that’s proof enough.”

“not enough,” he said instantly. his eyes dropped to your ring, then back to your eyes, intense and unyielding. “say it again. please.”

the word cracked his voice ever so slightly. that single crack undid you.

you reached up, sliding your fingers into his hair. the strands were soft, silky between your fingertips, and the second you tugged lightly, he leaned in like a man starved. his nose brushed yours, and you whispered, slow and steady, letting every word sink into him :

“i’m yours, jaehyun. only yours. always.”

his breath hitched. his lips parted, eyes fluttering shut like he was savoring each syllable. then he kissed you.

it wasn’t a tentative kiss — hell, there was no hesitation in it. his mouth was on yours with a hunger he hadn’t been able to show in the office, lips moving firmly against yours as though he could press the words into your skin and bone. his hand on your thigh tightened, dragging slightly higher, thumb pressing into the heat of your muscle through the fabric.

you gasped softly into the kiss, and that was all he needed. he tilted his head, deepening it, sliding his other hand up to cup your jaw. his thumb stroked along your cheekbone as if to ground you, but the kiss itself was anything but calm — it was consuming.

every breath was his, every sound muffled against the press of his lips. he kissed you like he was trying to drown out the memory of you smiling at someone else, like he needed to overwrite it with something stronger, louder, and undeniable.

when jaehyun finally pulled back, your lips were swollen, your chest heaving. his forehead pressed to yours, his breath ragged, but his hand still clamped on your thigh, thumb now drawing restless circles as though he couldn’t stop touching you.

“i swear,” he murmured, voice low and rough, vibrating against your lips, “if anyone ever tries to take your attention again, i’ll—”

his words broke off, the frustration spilling into a whine as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. his lips brushed your skin, hot and damp, moving slowly toward the spot just beneath your jaw.

“i can’t stand it. you’re mine. mine, mine, mine…”

the repetition was muffled against your throat, more a plea than a threat. his teeth grazed you, just barely, and you felt the shiver race down your spine.

you closed your eyes, fingers sliding under his collar to stroke the warm skin at the nape of his neck. his muscles were taut, strung tight under your touch, and you couldn’t help but laugh softly, even as your pulse raced.

“god, hyunie,” you breathed, lips curling. “you’re so hot when you’re like this. you know that?”

a low groan rumbled from him, muffled against your skin. he nipped lightly at your neck, then pulled back just enough to look at you again. his eyes were darker now, his lips parted and swollen from the kiss, his cheeks faintly flushed.

he was every shade of hot and cute at once, and you felt your stomach twist with warmth.

“say it again,” he whispered, voice hoarse.

and you knew he wouldn’t stop asking — not until every last inch of him was sure you belonged to him alone.

The house feels different on Christmas morning, like it holds its breath in anticipation. Everything exists in a kind of suspended quiet—warm, still, waiting. The glow of the tree downstairs lingers through the dark, the faintest twinkle filtering up the staircase, the stockings hung neatly beneath it, already stuffed with small treasures you spent weeks collecting. And while the world outside feels cold, coated in frost and snowflakes clinging to windows, this house—your home—is filled with a kind of tender warmth, the kind that settles deep and lingers long after the gifts are unwrapped.

It’s always the same this time of year, a quiet joy that builds long before the morning itself: the late-night wrapping sessions, the secret whisper of scissors gliding through paper in the middle of the night, Jaehyun holding down tape with far more pride than precision, his brows furrowed as he muttered about “getting better at this next year.” You’d watched him with soft amusement, quietly fixing bows when he wasn’t looking, the two of you stealing lazy kisses between unwrapping rolls of ribbon.

This morning is no different, except now, Jaehyun lies beside you, the weight of his body warm and steady, his chest rising and falling in soft, even breaths. You can hear it faintly—the quiet creak of floorboards as one of your kids rolls over in bed, and it makes you smile, already able to picture them. The way their hair sticks up in sleepy disarray, their cheeks still flushed with sleep, small hands clutching their blankets as they dream of the morning to come. You’d tucked them in last night together, Jaehyun humming quietly as he bent low to kiss foreheads, his voice soft as he whispered promises of Santa, of surprises waiting under the tree.

Jaehyun as a father is something that still overwhelms you in ways you don’t know how to put into words. He’s steady and patient, always there to tie shoes or wipe away tears, to carry their small bodies on his back until his arms ache. He loves fiercely but quietly, always slipping small notes into lunchboxes or adjusting scarves so they don’t fall loose. You’ve caught him kneeling beside toy kitchens and dollhouses, pretending to drink invisible tea with a smile that makes your heart twist painfully in your chest. At night, when the world quiets, he reads stories aloud, his voice low and soothing, lulling your little ones to sleep while you watch from the doorway, overwhelmed by the kind of love you didn’t know could exist.

And Christmas—it’s Jaehyun’s favorite, something you didn’t expect when you first met him. He treats it like a sacred tradition, something delicate and worth protecting. He’s the one who insists on stringing lights across the house, who lifts your kids up on his shoulders so they can place the star at the top of the tree, who carefully leaves half-eaten cookies out so they’ll wake up believing, just a little longer, in magic. “They’re only small for a while,” he told you once, after you’d found him carefully rearranging their stockings for the third time. “I want them to remember this feeling forever.”

Now, curled beneath the blankets in the dim glow of morning, you feel him shift behind you, the warmth of his body wrapping around yours like a second skin. His arm slides tighter around your waist, his palm splayed wide over your stomach, fingers spreading like he’s trying to anchor you there, closer, closer still. He exhales softly, lips finding your bare shoulder with a tenderness that feels practiced, instinctive, like kissing you is as natural to him as breathing. His mouth lingers there, warm and lazy, the faintest brush of his nose tracing along your skin before he murmurs, “You’re awake,” the words low and rough with sleep, vibrating softly against you. His voice settles deep, threading through your bones, wrapping you in a warmth that feels heavier than the blankets, more intimate than the dark stillness of the room.

“Mm,” you hum, a small smile tugging at your lips as you press yourself closer into him, your body fitting against his like it’s the most natural thing in the world. “Just listening.”

He doesn’t ask what you’re listening to. He knows. The house holds its breath in the quiet, every second stretching thin and fragile. You’re listening for the soft shuffle of small feet across the hall, for the rustle of sheets being kicked off, for a cough or a sniffle or the creak of a door that would signal the end of this stolen moment. You’re listening to the absence of it, to the sweet silence of your children still lost in sleep, their steady breathing faint through the thin walls. It’s a habit you can’t shake, your ears always tuned to their presence, always one sound away from slipping back into mom-mode.

But Jaehyun can feel it—how half your attention lingers down the hall, how part of you teeters between surrendering to him and being ready to pull away. His smile presses into the curve of your neck, warm and knowing, as his hand slides slowly along your waist, fingers tracing aimless, feather-light patterns that make you shiver. “They’re gonna wake up soon,” he mutters, his voice a teasing rasp, though there’s a promise there too, soft but possessive.

“I know,” you whisper, tilting your head just slightly to give him more, your breath hitching as his lips trail higher, up the line of your neck to brush just beneath your jaw. Your eyes flutter shut, your body melting into the way he holds you, into the soft weight of him pressed against your back.

But Jaehyun doesn’t stop—he never does. His hand disappears beneath the sheets, slipping low to spread wide across your stomach, his touch heavier now, deliberate. He pulls you back against him, hips flush to yours, so close you can feel the heat of him, the unmistakable hardness pressing insistently against you. His breath fans warm over your ear, each word curling into you like smoke. “Not yet, though,” he murmurs, voice laced with that dark, lazy grin that always unravels you. “Right now, you’re mine.”

The edge of his teeth grazes your neck, deliberate and featherlight, just enough to make you shiver as the air leaves your lungs in a quiet, uneven breath. His hand dips lower, fingertips teasing circles along your skin, skimming the space where your waistband meets your hips, his touch unhurried but possessive, as if mapping every inch of you for himself. He doesn’t let you answer, doesn’t give you room to protest—he only lets the silence stretch thin, sharpening the tension in the dark until it hums between you like something alive.

The bed shifts beneath his weight as he moves on top of you, his chest brushing yours as he rises just enough to sit back on his heels, the blankets slipping from his shoulders in one slow sweep. The pale glow filtering through the window casts shadows across his bare skin, sharp lines where muscle flexes beneath the surface, his eyes dark as they sweep over you. Without a word, his hands find the hem of his shirt, tugging it up and over his head in one fluid motion before he leans back down, his hands sliding beneath the fabric of your own top.

“Jae—” you whisper, the sound more breath than word, but he only silences you with the barest shake of his head, a faint grin tugging at the corners of his mouth as he pushes your shirt up, his knuckles grazing your ribs, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

“You sure they’ll stay asleep?” you murmur, your voice low, hesitant, the question pulled from you as his mouth finds the space just below your collarbone, warm and wet, leaving kisses that linger and heat your skin like a slow burn.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun murmurs against you, his voice dark and lazy, vibrating where his lips press against you. “If we stay quiet.”

“Jaehyun…”

“They slept past their bedtime yesterday,” he reminds you, his tone soft but teasing as his thumb drags along the sensitive curve of your waist. “Completely engrossed in all those Christmas movies. Trust me—” He presses a kiss between your breasts, his teeth grazing just enough to make your body arch faintly into him. “—they’ll be flat out until later.”

You hesitate for the barest moment, torn between the logic of it and the warmth already building low in your stomach, but Jaehyun looks up at you then, his gaze steady and heavy with intent, and something in your chest gives.

“Okay,” you whisper, the word slipping from you like surrender.

The grin that flickers across his face is quick and devastating, gone almost as soon as it appears as he leans in to kiss you—soft at first, like a test, his lips brushing against yours so gently it borders on teasing. But then you sigh into it, your arms winding around his neck, and Jaehyun deepens the kiss, his mouth claiming yours with something darker, more consuming. It lingers—unhurried and heavy with want—his tongue sweeping against yours as his weight presses you further into the mattress.

His hand finds your waist again, his palm sliding over the dip of your stomach to your hips, fingers digging into the bare skin there as he tugs you flush against him, letting you feel the hard press of him where he grinds against you through the thin barrier of fabric.

“Jaehyun, we can’t…” you whisper again, a half-hearted protest, the words shaky as his mouth trails down to your jaw, your neck, each kiss slower, wetter, leaving a heat in their wake that has your body squirming beneath him. “Our babies—”

He only grins against your skin, unbothered, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear as he murmurs, “Then be quiet, baby. Don’t want to wake them up, do you?”

The words send a jolt through you, molten and sharp, sinking low and deep, until all you can do is cling to him as he rolls his hips against you, the movement purposeful enough to make you bite down on your lip to stifle the sound threatening to escape. Jaehyun pulls back just enough to look at you, his gaze lingering on your face as his hand slips lower, fingers hooking into the waistband of your clothes, dragging them down with slow, deliberate intent.

“You’re mine for now,” he whispers, his voice soft, but it carries weight, curling around you as he claims every inch of you with his touch, his gaze, his words. “Don’t think about anything else. Just me.”

Now, there’s nothing innocent about the way he presses into you, his bare chest flush against yours, pinning you into the mattress like he’s daring you to challenge him, to tell him to stop. The deliberate drag of his hips is slow and devastating, a rhythm that borders on cruel—each roll sinks him deeper, forcing you to take all of him, inch by inch, until you’re trembling beneath him, teeth sinking into your bottom lip in a desperate effort to keep the sounds inside.

The only light comes from the window, where the neighbors’ Christmas lights bleed through the curtains in soft, shifting patterns, painting streaks of gold and crimson across his shoulders, his damp hair clinging to his forehead. The bed creaks faintly, betraying each movement, the sound almost sinful in the stillness of the house. The sweat-slicked sheets are tangled around your thighs, twisting as your legs lock tighter around his waist, pulling him closer, needing him closer.

“Jaehyun!!!” you scream, the word dragged from your lips like a confession, a sound too raw, too loud for a house steeped in this kind of silence. It splits the air, reckless and dangerous, and for a moment, everything freezes.

He reacts before you can take another breath, his hand clamping over your mouth, fingers spread firm across your cheek, pressing you down, holding you still. He pauses, just long enough to meet your gaze, his weight anchoring you to the mattress as he looms above you. The gold and crimson light spilling through the window catches on his face, shadowing the sharpness of his jaw, the focus in his eyes—dark, unrelenting, like he’s daring you to make another sound.

“Don’t,” he murmurs, the single word falling low and measured, heavy with warning. His thumb brushes over your cheek, almost tender, a contrast to the authority in his voice. He leans closer, his mouth grazing your ear as he says, softer now but no less firm, “You’ll wake our babies.”

The words hit like a stone dropped into water, rippling through you, sharp and grounding. Our babies. Your chest rises in a shuddering breath beneath his weight, the sound muffled against his palm. The reminder of them—safe, sleeping, dreaming their little Christmas dreams just down the hall—only sharpens the tension that coils low in your stomach, the ache that pulses where Jaehyun fills you, so deep it feels impossible.

You can only gulp, eyes wide, breath hitching against his palm as he pushes forward again, slow and unrelenting. The stretch of him leaves you trembling, heels digging into the backs of his thighs in a silent plea for more. You don’t dare speak—you can’t—but Jaehyun sees it anyway, the need written across your face, in the way your fingers claw at his shoulders, your body arching into him despite the weight holding you down.

“Fuck,” he breathes, his voice barely a whisper, like he’s talking only to himself. “You feel that? The way I’m stretching you open?” He groans softly when you clench around him, his forehead dropping to yours, damp hair brushing your temple. “You like it, don’t you? When I take my time with you—when I make you feel everything.”

“Yeah,” you breathe, your voice low, thick with the same need that bleeds through his. “I love it.” Your nails drag slowly down his back, not enough to hurt, but enough to pull a sharp breath from his chest. “The way you fill me up—” your voice drops further, a quiet, deliberate murmur, your lips brushing his ear as you speak, “—the way you make me take all of you.”

A whimper slips past your lips, muffled against his hand, and Jaehyun grins, slow and wicked, like he’s winning something you didn’t realize you were fighting for. “I knew you would.” His thumb brushes the corner of your mouth, smearing the dampness collecting there as his hips roll forward again, sinking him impossibly deeper, until there’s nowhere left for him to go. “You’re mine, baby. Doesn’t matter what day it is—Christmas morning, Easter, your fucking birthday—you belong to me.”

The words hit you like a spark, flaring deep inside you and leaving you breathless, your body shuddering beneath him. The kids. The house. The stillness. It all feels so far away when Jaehyun has you like this, caging you beneath him with his body, his voice, his touch. The deliberate drag of his cock against your walls is maddening, each thrust perfectly timed to pull you apart inch by inch, your quiet gasps swallowed by his palm.

The weight of his hips betrays the softness of his voice. He rolls forward, slow and deliberate, forcing his cock into you inch by inch, dragging out the stretch until it borders on unbearable. Your body trembles beneath him, the sheets twisted and damp beneath you, legs shaking as you hook your heels behind his thighs, trying to pull him closer.

“Impatient,” he mutters, the corner of his mouth tugging into a crooked grin as he watches you fight for control, every inch of your body clinging to him. “But you like it like this, don’t you? Slow.” He thrusts again, deep and precise, filling you so completely that your breath stutters against the palm of his hand. “Like I’ve got all the time in the world to fuck you open.”

The house is cloaked in a silence so fragile it feels like it might shatter at the slightest sound. The soft creak of the bed beneath you rises with every movement, every deliberate snap of his hips against yours. Beyond the window, the faint glow of Christmas lights from the house across the street spills into the room—red, gold, green—turning Jaehyun’s shoulders into something sculpted and painted, his damp skin catching the light in streaks of color.

The weight of him bears down on you like a force of nature, his forearm braced beside your head, veins flexing beneath his skin. He shifts, hand sliding from your cheek to brush a thumb along the corner of your mouth, smearing the dampness that lingers there. “So quiet now,” he breathes, though the cruel glint in his eye tells you he’s not satisfied. “You were whining a minute ago. Where’d that go, baby?”

He grinds his hips against you, pelvis catching against your clit in a slow, maddening rhythm that has you bucking beneath him, hands clawing at his back, his shoulders, anything you can reach. His hand tightens on your face, thumb pressing into your cheek until your eyes snap open, meeting his gaze.

“Good girl.” The words are a murmur, dark and warm, dragging over you like silk and fire. “Eyes on me when I’m talking to you.”

Your voice is a muffled sob against his palm as he thrusts harder, the sound of him fucking into you slick and obscene in the quiet room. His rhythm is relentless now—slow, yes, but unforgiving in its precision, each roll of his hips pressing you further into the mattress, each drag of his cock against your walls forcing a tremor to race through your body.

“Fuck, you’re so wet for me.” Jaehyun’s voice is strained, barely more than a groan as he drops his head, forehead brushing yours. His hand moves down your body, fingers trailing across your skin until they find your clit, circling it with lazy, practiced pressure. The sudden contact makes your thighs clamp around his waist, your entire body jerking as the pleasure coils tighter in your stomach. “That’s it. There you are. I feel you, baby—clenching around me like you don’t want me to leave. You want more, don’t you?”

You nod frantically, tears welling in your eyes as you fight the overwhelming tension building inside you. It’s too much—his cock filling you with every brutal thrust, the pressure on your clit threatening to split you apart, the weight of his body pressing you into the bed until you can barely breathe. You try to speak, but all that escapes is a fractured, gasping whimper.

“Use your words,” Jaehyun mutters, his thumb still working slow circles against you, his pace unrelenting. “Tell me what you want. I know you can.”

“More,” you choke out, your voice cracking, raw and wrecked. “Please, Jaehyun.”

The sound he makes is low and guttural, like the words snap something inside him. “Fuck,” he growls, and his hand leaves your face to slip behind your knee, pulling your leg higher to spread you wider beneath him. The new angle has him sinking impossibly deeper, hitting a spot that makes your back arch and your fingers dig helplessly into his skin.

“That’s what you want, huh?” he taunts, though his voice shakes, strained at the edges as he fights for control. “You want me to ruin you? Want me to keep fucking you until you can’t take it anymore?”

“Yes,” you sob, the word barely more than a breath as the tension in your core tightens, tightens, tightens—your body trembling beneath him, every nerve pulled taut, the heat in your stomach coiling dangerously. You cling to him, fingers curling into the damp skin of his back, desperate for something to ground you. Jaehyun doesn’t relent, doesn’t waver; his movements are steady, deliberate, dragging you closer and closer to the edge without letting you fall.

Jaehyun leans down, lips brushing the corner of your mouth as his thumb presses harder against your clit, matching the relentless snap of his hips. “Cum for me,” he growls, his voice rough and low, his own restraint slipping as his thrusts grow erratic. “Cum on my cock, baby. Let me feel you.”

You shatter. The orgasm crashes through you with a force that knocks the breath from your lungs, your entire body locking up as white-hot pleasure pulses through you, wave after wave, leaving you gasping, writhing beneath him. You don’t know if you’re crying or moaning or screaming, but Jaehyun’s groan rips through the haze, his hips stuttering as he thrusts deep, burying himself inside you one last time as he follows you over the edge.

The room hangs heavy with the kind of stillness that feels earned—weighted, charged, intimate. Your breath mingles with his, shallow and uneven, the space between your bodies nonexistent as Jaehyun’s weight presses into you, skin damp and clinging to yours like it belongs there. His forehead drops to the crook of your neck, and you feel the tremor in him, the faint shudder that mirrors your own, his chest rising and falling against yours in sync.

“You good?” he rasps, voice rough and low, like it’s been dragged across gravel. The words are barely there, a whisper that seems to settle on your skin, warm and grounding.

You hum faintly, your lips parting on a breathless exhale as your hand drifts to the back of his neck, fingers threading slowly through the sweat-damp strands of his hair. The faintest noise escapes him—something between a sigh and a groan—as he melts further into you, his mouth brushing lazily along the slope of your shoulder, teeth grazing just enough to send a shiver through you.

The silence that follows isn’t empty. It’s heavy, comfortable, broken only by the faint crack of the heater warming the room and the quiet rhythm of your breathing as it begins to steady. The glow of the Christmas lights still bleeds through the window, streaks of red and gold spilling over the mess of sheets, over Jaehyun’s bare back, catching on the curve of your hip, your thighs tangled with his beneath the blankets.

He doesn’t move, his arm draped possessively across your waist, fingers tracing mindless patterns against your skin. There’s something grounding in it, the way his touch lingers—lazy but deliberate, like he refuses to let you slip away.

“Merry Christmas,” he mutters suddenly, the words mumbled into the crook of your neck, a teasing lilt curling at the edges of his voice.

You smile, slow and tired, your hand still buried in his hair as you press your lips to his temple, lingering there. “Merry Christmas, Jaehyun,” you whisper back, soft enough to match the glow of the room around you.

His grin widens against your skin, and there’s a new weight to the way he shifts, his hand drifting lower, fingers curving along the swell of your hip with intent that feels impossible to miss. “You know…” he drawls, his voice low, smooth, his lips grazing your jaw as he pulls you tighter against him, “…I think I still owe you one more present.”

“Jae—” you start, half a protest, half a breathless laugh, but he cuts you off with a roll of his hips, slow and teasing, leaving no doubt as to exactly what he means.

The moment shatters with the soft patter of tiny feet in the hall, quick and deliberate, growing louder as they near the bedroom door. You freeze beneath Jaehyun’s weight, the shared rhythm of your breaths slowing as you both listen, waiting. He doesn’t move yet, his chest still pressed to yours, the heavy warmth of him a quiet comfort.

And then—

“Mama! Daddy!”

Your son’s voice bursts through the quiet like a firework, bright and alive. The door swings open with an eager shove, crashing into the wall as he barrels into the room, a little storm of energy and wonder. He’s all tangled hair and oversized pajamas, the pants slipping slightly with every step, but he doesn’t care. “Santa came! He came!”

Before you can react, he’s already climbing up, hands and knees sinking into the mattress as he scrambles toward the middle of the bed. His small chest rises and falls in quick bursts, his face glowing with excitement, round eyes impossibly wide as though the magic of it all is too big to contain. “Santa came,” he repeats, breathless, his fists gripping the blanket near your waist as if he needs to hold onto something to keep from bursting.

Jaehyun stirs beside you, his arm sliding from your waist to prop himself up on an elbow. His hair is sticking up in every direction, but the slow smile that spreads across his face softens him, dimples carving deep into his cheeks as he looks at your son. “Santa came, huh?” he murmurs, his voice gravelly from sleep but threaded with warmth, like he can’t help but get caught in his son’s excitement.

“Yes!” your son shouts, nodding so fiercely he nearly topples over. “He left presents! I know it!”

Jaehyun’s grin widens, his expression lighting up in that easy way that always makes your chest tighten. “You’re sure?” he teases, sitting up a little further, his fingers ruffling the boy’s tangled hair. “You didn’t peek, did you?”

Your son freezes, the breath catching in his little chest, eyes going wide as though Jaehyun’s just accused him of something unforgivable. “No! I didn’t!” he insists, his voice rising an octave, equal parts indignant and scandalized. “Mama says Santa knows if you peek!”

“Smart mama,” Jaehyun murmurs, shooting you a playful glance before turning back to your son, his large hand cupping the back of the boy’s head as he gently tugs him closer. There’s no teasing in the way he pulls him in—just warmth, quiet and steady, as he presses a soft, lingering kiss to his temple. “I believe you, bud,” he whispers, his voice fond and so gentle it almost breaks you.

Your son melts into it, his earlier defensiveness slipping away as his small hands reach out, fisting lightly in Jaehyun’s shirt like he can’t get close enough. “I told sissy I didn’t peek,” he mumbles, softer now, the edge of his voice dipping into something sweet. “And I heard the reindeer, Daddy. I really did.”

But before Jaehyun can respond, there’s a softer sound—the faint shuffle of smaller feet. You look toward the doorway just in time to see your daughter trailing in after him, her stuffed bunny dangling from one hand, her movements slower, still heavy with sleep. She stops halfway into the room, her face a sleepy pout, cheeks flushed and eyes droopy as she blinks at the chaos.

“Daddy,” she mumbles, her voice small and scratchy. “Up.”

Jaehyun shifts instantly, a quiet laugh slipping from him as he stretches out an arm. “Oh, come here, baby girl,” he murmurs, his voice impossibly tender. She toddles toward him, her steps uneven, the soft bounce of her bunny against the floor following her every move. When she reaches the edge of the bed, Jaehyun scoops her up, his large hands cradling her small frame as though she’s made of glass.

“There’s my princess,” he whispers, pulling her into his chest. She melts against him immediately, thumb slipping into her mouth as she nestles her cheek against his shoulder, her bunny now squished between them. “You’re still sleepy, huh?” he coos softly, his hand stroking slow circles up and down her back.

“Bubba loud,” she mutters faintly, her brows furrowing as she glares sleepily at her brother, thumb still tucked into her mouth.

Jaehyun grins, glancing down at the small, sleepy bundle tucked against him, her bunny squished tightly between her arm and his chest. “Bubba’s just excited,” he murmurs, kissing her hair again, his lips lingering there. “It’s Christmas, baby girl.”

She hums softly, her thumb slipping from her mouth as she shifts closer, curling herself tighter into him. “Cwissmas,” she mumbles, the word slurred but content, her face tucked beneath Jaehyun’s chin like it’s where she belongs.

Jaehyun’s smile deepens, a soft chuckle rumbling in his chest as he tilts his head just enough to look down at her, his lips brushing her hair. “Christmas,” he murmurs gently, drawing the word out slowly, coaxing her with the softness of his voice. “Say it with me, baby. Christmas.”

She stirs faintly, her thumb slipping from her mouth as she blinks up at him, her big eyes hazy with sleep. “Cwiss…mas,” she mumbles again, her tiny voice uncertain but determined, her brows knitting in concentration.

“There you go,” Jaehyun praises softly, his hand gliding up to cradle the back of her head as he kisses her temple. “Christmas. Perfect, just like you.”

Her face tucks back under his chin, satisfied now, her little fingers curling tighter into his shirt. Jaehyun holds her closer, his voice nothing but a whisper. “That’s my girl. My smart, perfect girl.”

Your son, sprawled dramatically across the bed now, sighs loudly in response. “Daddy, she doesn’t get it.”

“She gets it,” Jaehyun replies gently, shooting you a grin over his daughter’s head as he rocks her faintly, her bunny tucked under her chin. “She’s just enjoying her Christmas cuddles, aren’t you, baby?”

Your son groans again, his hands tugging insistently at the blankets as he looks up at you with big, pleading eyes. “Mama, come on. We gotta go see the tree!”

You laugh softly, reaching out to smooth a hand over his messy hair. “We’ll go in a minute, sweetheart,” you murmur, and he pouts dramatically, flopping halfway into your lap with a mumbled complaint.

“She’s right, though,” Jaehyun adds, his voice low and teasing as he adjusts your daughter more comfortably against his chest, her thumb still tucked in her mouth as she drifts closer to sleep. “Bubba is kind of loud this morning.”

“Am not!” your son protests, lifting his head to glare at his sister with all the outrage a four-year-old can manage. “I’m just excited!”

“Too loud,” your daughter insists sleepily, her words muffled against Jaehyun’s shirt.

Jaehyun chuckles, his thumb brushing over the soft curve of her cheek as his gaze lingers on her peaceful face. “She’s tired, bud,” he says softly, pulling your son closer with his free arm. “But you’re right—it is exciting. Santa must’ve known you were so good this year, huh?”

“Yeah!” your son exclaims, his pride returning full force as he grins up at Jaehyun, his legs sprawled across the bed like he owns it. “I heard the reindeer, Daddy. I told sissy they were on the roof!”

Your daughter stirs just enough to pull her thumb from her mouth, blinking slowly up at him. “No, Bubba,” she whispers solemnly. “Reindeer in sky.”

Jaehyun’s laughter is soft, low, as he kisses her hair again. “She’s got a point, bud,” he says, his voice full of fondness. “Reindeer do fly, after all.”

Your son opens his mouth to argue, but you cut him off with a kiss to his forehead, brushing your fingers through his wild hair. “Let’s just cuddle for a minute, baby,” you murmur, pulling him into the warmth of the blankets beside you. “Then we’ll see what Santa left, okay?”

Jaehyun shifts slightly, careful not to disturb the little girl nestled against his chest, her breaths slow and even. He tilts his head to look at your son, sprawled lazily across the bed, his earlier excitement melting into the soft, quiet glow of the moment. “Come here, bud,” Jaehyun murmurs, his voice soft, coaxing, as he stretches out his free arm.

Your son hesitates for a beat, his big, sleepy eyes flicking toward Jaehyun before a shy smile tugs at his lips. He pushes himself up clumsily, his small limbs still heavy with morning, and crawls over the sheets into Jaehyun’s waiting arms. Jaehyun gathers him close, folding him snug against his side with a kind of gentleness that makes your chest ache.

“There we go,” Jaehyun breathes, pressing his lips softly to the top of your son’s head, lingering there for a moment as though soaking in the weight of him, the warmth. “I missed my boy. You’re getting so big, you know that?”

Your son hums, his little hands curling into Jaehyun’s shirt as he nestles closer, his earlier energy fading into the pull of comfort and closeness. “Not that big, Daddy,” he mumbles, his voice muffled and small.

Jaehyun laughs quietly, the sound soft and affectionate, as he presses another kiss to your son’s hair, his thumb tracing lazy circles against his back. “Not yet,” he murmurs, his voice a quiet promise. “But don’t grow up too fast, okay? You’re still my little guy.”

Your son grins sleepily, his face half-hidden against Jaehyun’s chest as he whispers, “I won’t.”

Jaehyun doesn’t stop there. His gaze lifts to you, his free hand reaching out wordlessly, a silent invitation you can’t resist. He tugs you gently into his warmth, folding you into the space beside your son, his arms looping around the three of you like you’re the only thing in the world he wants to hold onto.

You sink into him easily, your head resting against his shoulder as his hand finds yours beneath the blankets, lacing your fingers together. His palm is warm, steady, grounding. Your son sighs softly, curling closer between you both, and your daughter shifts faintly against Jaehyun’s chest, her bunny still clutched tightly in one tiny hand.

Jaehyun presses a kiss to your temple, lingering there, his voice nothing but a murmur meant just for you. “My whole world,” he whispers, his thumb brushing faintly across your knuckles.

Your heart swells, your chest impossibly full as you close your eyes, letting yourself melt into the moment—this perfect stillness, this warmth wrapped in soft limbs and sleepy whispers.

“Merry Christmas,” you whisper, the words quiet and steady, brushing against his skin.

Jaehyun hums softly, his lips pressing another kiss to your hair. “Merry Christmas, baby,” he replies, his voice thick with love.

And for a moment, nothing else exists—the world outside fades, the morning light a gentle glow through the curtains. It’s just the four of you, tucked close in Jaehyun’s arms, held together by something deeper than words.

“Can you believe this is our baby’s first snow ever?” Your husband rasps excitedly. He giggles looking at you trying to dress your daughter up, getting her ready to go outside, and his dimples make an appearance as soon as he sees your daughter poking her little tongue out while you pull her small arms through the sleeves of her top. He can’t resist the amount of cuteness and, as soon as you’re done and you move to pick up her trousers, he bends over her to kiss her chubby cheeks. “You’re so excited about this, aren’t you, ttalgi?”

You snort while looking at the scene, waiting for him to be done with his cute aggression over your daughter, who giggles feeling the proximity of her daddy and all his kisses all over her face and hands.

“I’m starting to think you’re the one excited about this, Jae,” you joke, and he doesn’t mind you poking fun at him, because honestly there’s some truth to it. 

You take his looks in. He’s good and ready to go, all dressed up, the only things missing are his jacket, his beanie, and his shoes. The moment he woke up this morning and noticed it had snowed all night, seeing everything covered in white, he couldn’t stop grinning thinking about how he wanted to play in the snow with your daughter. 

So he got you out of bed for breakfast and then he urged you into getting ready before dressing your daughter up in warm clothes, so he could take her out to see the snow and play with it.

“Don’t listen to mommy, ttalgi,” he instructs, using his baby voice while he continues his ministrations of kisses, “We’re going to have so much fun together! Daddy will even buy you a sled!” 

“You liked playing in the snow as a kid, didn’t you?” You ask, grip tight around the small pair of trousers you’re waiting to put on your daughter. 

“It was my favourite time of the year!” His tone is excited, and he finally moves away, making way for you. “I know she’s going to love this,” he tells you, still keeping an eye on her as she kicks her feet excitedly. 

“Please, ttalgi,” you sigh, because this is a habit she picked up lately, kicking her feet and not letting you dress her up. Not only that, but she moves too much, ending up sweating, and that’s really not convenient as you prepare her to get out in the cold. “Jaehyun, make her stop,” you look at him, using your authoritarian tone with him. 

“How?” He feigns cluelessness, but he knows exactly what you mean and want him to do. 

“Kiss her again, she’ll stop kicking for a few seconds if she feels you on her,” you instruct, pointing at your baby as she keeps kicking her feet. 

He grins, dimples on full display, but he does as instructed nonetheless. He’d never pass on the occasion of smothering his little girl with kisses and cuddles. While he does as asked, smooching every available spot on her face, making her giggle, you try sneaking your hands between the two of them, grabbing her feet and pulling them through the trousers legs.

“Besides,” you start after accomplishing your mission, pulling the trousers up to her waist, “How do you know she’s going to love the snow?”

“She’s my daughter,” he gives you the simplest, most logical answer, “You always say she’s too much like me, so I know she’ll love the snow,”

And in all honesty, Jaehyun and your daughter are so much alike that it’s impossible not to notice the resemblance. Not only physical, but also emotional. She’s this small, adorable, eleven months old meatloaf, who inherited even her daddy’s full cheeks and dimples. And sometimes you feel like an outsider, like your genes never even tried to assert dominance while battling with his genes, like yours just gave up. Even as a baby, she’s stubborn, determined, unbothered, sometimes in her own little world just like Jaehyun is, and you can’t wait for her to grow up and discover her personality.

So you get her ready to go, and Jaehyun keeps her in his arms as you exit the house, dragging your feet on the white pavement as you make your way to the park just around the corner. It’s wide, all powdered up with crisp snow that crunches under your and your husband’s heavy steps.

“She seems uncertain of this,” you mumble, looking at her little frown as she looks at everything white around her. 

Jaehyun doesn’t even listen to you, too stubborn to show you that you’re wrong. Your daughter will love it today, and that’s it.

Except she doesn’t. He crouches down, with her still in his arms, and he places her on his leg, grabbing a handful of snow to bring up to her level in order to make her accustomed to the cold and wetness.

She trusts him, touching his hand but she retracts it back in a split second almost as if it burnt her, and she lets out a whine at the discomfort — the snow too cold and too wet for her delicate small hand.

Jaehyun looks at you, only to find you looking at him already, and you want to tease him, but he looks too disappointed, a sour scowl appearing on his face the moment your daughter starts crying.

“Look, ttalgi,” he tries, putting his big hand down in the snow to grab another handful and bring it up to her level, only for her to scream louder and to make grabby hands towards you.

Although you want to slam him with the classical I told you so, you refrain from doing so, knowing that he’s disappointed and he’s getting upset. Not because he’s upset with your daughter for not liking the snow, but because he was wrong and he thought he knew everything about your child. 

You pick your daughter up, patting her back trying to calm her down, and Jaehyun stands next to you, hands in his pockets as he waits for you to either roast him or start your nagging while using your mommy voice on him. 

“Jae, quickly, make a snowball,” you instruct, and he looks at you puzzled, but does as asked nonetheless.

The moment he hands it to you, you take a few steps back, throwing the snowball directly at his head, striking him in the face. 

“You were supposed to dodge it!” You let out an outraged gasp, and it takes you three second in total before you give in an let out a howl of laughter, you shoulders shaking, and you squeeze your daughter in your embrace as you try to recompose yourself.

Jaehyun is unmoving, still as a statue as he looks at you, snow still on his face. You’re sure he’s still processing what just happened, you can literally see gears turning in his head as he processes. 

“I’m so sorry, baby!” You coo at him, but you burst out laughing once again when you see he’s still unmoving, blinking slowly while looking at you.

“What just happened?” He rasps, his tone uncertain, like he’s making sure you just struck him directly in the face and he’s not dreaming.

Your daughter is not crying anymore, she stopped the moment she heard you howling with laughter, not understanding why mommy’s laughing while she’s the one crying her little lungs out. You trot towards your husband, snow’s now melting off his face with the help of his skin’s warmth, and you bring one hand up to get rid of the snow covering his nose and eyelashes.

“Hi, handsome,” you grin at him after all traces of snow are gone from his beautiful features, and he tries his best to give you a passive look, but one dimple makes an appearance, and you poke it immediately. “Have you always been this handsome?” You question him, seeing as your daughter makes grabby hands to be in his arms.

“Nuh-uh,” he’s quick with his response, “It’s the after snow glow,” 

His words make you rewind the whole scene in your mind, and you can’t control the laugh that escapes you once again, and you fall on the ground covered in snow. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t dodge it!” You’re amused, and he knows you’ll giggle about this for the rest of the month, “The world’s too quick for you, Jae,” You look at him from the ground, your back on the soft snow, and you start making snow angels just like you did when you were a child playing in the snow. “You took it like a champ, though,” Your tone is serious this time, and you raise an arm to express victory.

Jaehyun’s dimples are once again on display, and he looks down at you and your limbs moving in synchronised motions. Your cheeks and nose are full of colour, the cold biting them gently, and your eyes are still sparkling after he made a fool of himself. After you turned him into one. 

Yes, the world might be too quick for him, you’re always telling him this because he likes taking his time with everything he does, everything he says, and everything he thinks about. And you’re the only one allowed to tell him this, you’re the only one who can make him act a fool. 

When Jaehyun first met you, he thought you were untouchable and unreachable. Your carried yourself a certain way, you giggled sweetly whenever someone complimented you or made silly remarks to get a reaction out of you, and you also never bothered sparing boys a glance. You were unreachable in the real sense of the word, and Jaehyun thinks he saved three nations in his previous lives because you gave him a chance and he bagged you. 

He holds your daughter in his arms a little tighter, getting down on the ground, imitating you. Your daughter is now resting on his chest and stomach, pink snowsuit making her look like a total roly-poly, small nose red from the cold — and Jaehyun has to fight the urge to peck it right this moment, — her small head covered with his favourite winter hat that he personally picked up last october while waiting for the cold season, fluffy bear ears peaking on each side of it, and his cute aggression is suddenly hard to control while looking at her. So he wraps his arms around her to steady her small figure and he bites her gently on one of her chubby cheeks, but she doesn’t mind — she’s used to having her daddy in her personal space, suffocating her with kisses and hugs and belly rubs.

Jaehyun turns his head to throw you a quick look, you’re still grinning, content while feeling the peace of mind you felt during childhood when there was nothing better in this entire world than waiting for a snowy night so you could go outside and make snow angels the following morning.

So a small smile creeps up on his features as well, remembering how happy he used to be as a child, whenever he woke up to snow. 

He moves his limbs in synchronised motions, just like you do, and the big flakes coming from the ski rest on his warm skin. He closes his eyes, the weight of his daughter grounding him from being too much into his own head while rethinking of his childhood and the memories form the past, and he realises this is where he wants to be — here, with you, with your daughter, the product of the two of you. Love, energy, ambition, and beauty encapsulated in a small body, full of gentleness and calmness. 

He opens his eyes the moment he feels your daughter moving slightly, and then sliding off his body, small hands landing directly into the cold snow, but this time she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t scream, not even a screech leaves her small mouth. 

Jaehyun looks at you only to find you already looking at him, and then he looks at your daughter. “I guess it took mommy and daddy frolicking in the snow for you to give it a try. Right, ttalgi?” His voice is gentle, and he pinches her cheeks before standing to his feet.

He pulls you up, helping you steady yourself by keeping you close to his body, and you give him a series of pecks before taking a few steps back and away from him. 

“Let’s play a bit,” you tell him, but it comes out more as a question, and you crouch down, gathering some snow between your hands.

Realising what you’re doing, Jaehyun crouches down forming a snowball — that you think it’s the size of your head — with the help of his huge hands, and he’s very quick with throwing it your way, his competitive side on full display.

The snowball is heavy when it hits the right side of your head as you try to brace for impact, but Jaehyun’s too fast, driven by the rush of competition — that’s in his head only.

You screech, losing your balance a bit, wobbling like an empty bottle that has just been kicked, and you hear Jaehyun let out a bark of laughter, his timbre unmistaken.

You look at him outraged, thinking that the humongous size of the snowball might cause you a concussion, but Jaehyun’s chest still vibrates with laughter, and he falls to his knees. 

Nose scrunching up with laughter, his infamous whiskers make an appearance while he tries to tell you something between huffs of laughter. 

“What’s so funny? You did this on purpose!” You accuse him, pointing at him, but he only laughs harder. 

“Your screech,” Just remembering the way you wobbled on your feet and the screech you let out has Jaehyun shaking on the ground. 

“You definitely did this out of spite!” You launch yourself towards his figure, and you grab his puffer jacket, tugging on its collar until it loosens up a bit, and you slide the snowball you’ve been holding in your grasp, inside his shirt.

Your husband is quick to react this time, the world’s not too quick for him anymore. He takes a breath through his teeth, feeling the cold snow melting all over his back, but he laughs nonetheless. He pulls you down on the ground, rolling you around like you weight nothing.

“Wait, wait!” You plead, feeling dizzy after all the ways he’s handled you on the ground, not giving you any chance to escape away from his grasp.

He takes pity on you, and he falls to his knees in the snow, his hands on each side of your head, entrapping you. He pecks your lips and then your freezing nose, and he means to let you know how much he loves you, but the sound of a child coughing rings in your ears, and both of you feel your pupils increase in size. 

You totally forgot your child is playing in the snow by herself, and the moment the two of you look towards the spot you left her sitting in, you immediately understand the reason for her sudden coughing. 

“Ttalgi, no!” You warn her, authoritarian tone clear and loud.

“No eating snow, ttalgi!” Jaehyun’s voice echoes, and he gets to his feet to stop her from further eating the dirty snow. “Maybe we should head back home, my back’s all wet,” Jaehyun suggests, picking your daughter up.

You nod, “Good idea, we can still play tomorrow,” you extend your hand, letting a few snowflakes falling from the sky sit in the palm of your hand, and you see them melting immediately. Judging by the way it’s snowing, and knowing the forecast for the next days, you know you’ll have a full week of playing in the snow.

Snow crunching under your husband’s heavy steps, he turns to look at you, “Seriously though, if I catch a cold it’s all your fault,” he alludes to the snowball you slid between his shirt and the skin of his back.

You roll your eyes, scoffing, “I’ll cook you your favourite chicken soup. Plus, you’ll get to stay at home with us,”