Jadetea

she looks around the room, and sees her kids watching over her. she doesnt see rumi and zoey anywhere, which is a relief, because that means they must be fine.

but its strange, still, them not being there. whenever one of them is hurt, the other two are always hovering over them.

“where are your mom and mama? are they stuck in the bathroom?” she jokes with her children.

(she cant conceive it.)

they dont answer her.

(its simply not possible.)

mira frowns. “what? whats wrong?”

(rumi is half demon. they dont know how long half demons can live for. shes aged normally but that doesnt mean she cant still have a prolonged life.)

they all look devastated. tears are rolling down her youngest daughter miyeongs face. shes in her early 30s.

(zoey is the youngest. she’s younger by two years!)

realization begins to dawn on mira. terrible, horrible, awful realization.

(mira isnt half demon, and she’s not the youngest. its not right.)

she begs them. pleads with her children to tell her its not true. they say nothing. a silent confirmation of one of her worst fears.

(her children never forget the wail she lets out when she finally comprehends that rumi and zoey are gone.

mira was the first to wake up.

mira was the last to wake up.

grief makes mira a shell of herself. she no longer is the easygoing, quick to smile when with her family woman she’s grown into over the last half century. she’s not even the sullen, angry girl she was before she met rumi and zoey.

she’s just a shell. a husk.

(they never did get over their separation anxiety. they figured they spent every day together anyways, so what was the point?)

the only reason she still goes on breathing, why she eats and drinks just enough to go on living is because the maternal part of her cant bear to leave her children behind, to subject them to losing all three parents in one fell swoop.

(she knows rumi and zoey, if put in her position, wouldnt be able to go on. theyd wither away without her or each other. she doesnt begrudge them that fact. doesnt think any less of them for it.

shes almost glad it was her left behind in that sense, so that her children wouldnt have to watch their mama or mom physically deteriorate.

she doesnt realize that watching her mentally deteriorate is almost worse.)

but she barely sleeps. when she does, she cant stay asleep. long gone nightmares return to ravage her mind at night. she whimpers and cries out rumi and zoeys names in her sleep. her daughters go to train by the tree one day, and mira begs with them, pleads for them not to go. it takes them a while to realize its because she’s convinced they’ll find rumi’s body, cut down by celine’s or her own hand. another day, she’s left inconsolable, running around the compound (its where theyve all settled for now, to keep an eye on their grieving mother and take care of her), searching for something, and it takes a while to finally get her to tell them she’s trying to find zoey, to tell her she didnt mean it, that they are a family.

(the reminder that rumi died fighting alongside her, not in some self loathing act, and that zoey died knowing mira didnt mean it, that they were a family, is only a little comforting to her then)

her mental state gets worse. the two brightest stars in her sky have gone out. the world has gone dark.

its no wonder, then, that her brain resorts to the coping mechanism it does to keep her from completely losing her mind.

(then again, perhaps she does completely lose her mind then)

the first hint something is going wrong in her mind is when she starts staring into space. her eyes lock onto a spot, but not in the way they do when one is disassociating or is just lost in thought.

they see something. its just not something any of them can see.

at first its easy to snap her out of it, but it gets harder and harder to do so after a while.

one day, one of her children walks by her room, and hears her laugh. its the first time they’ve heard it since before her wives died.

theyre elated, and they go inside her room to see which of their sibling got her to laugh.

but mira is alone. she’s talking to no one. laughing at something no one said.

she looks up when she realizes theyre there. she even smiles. “oh! hey! wait till you hear thi-”

but then she turns back to where she was looking, and her smile falls. whatever she Saw is gone.

they realize pretty quickly after that that mira has been hallucinating rumi and zoey. that her brain was so unable to handle them not being there that it conjured up images and sounds of them so it wouldn’t have to

it only gets worse from there.

pretty soon its not so easy to snap her out of her delusions. but each return to reality leaves her in worse and worse of a state. eventually they stop trying to snap mira out of it, because whenever she is hallucinating them, she’s much happier.

she has full conversations with “rumi and zoey” while their children are in the room. she jokes with them, bickers with them, even sings old songs with them. their children try to play along, no matter how much it hurts to watch their eomma like this, to have to pretend their mama and mom aren’t gone forever.

(shes hearing laughter that they’ll never get to hear again. she’s hearing singing they’ll only get to hear in recordings. she sees smiles they cant. its agony for them.)

she stops eating unless its one of their favorite foods, and wont eat unless theres two extra portions of it put out for “rumi and zoey”. they leave two empty seats out for their lost mothers.

she makes plans with “them”. goes to the park with “them”, and at one point puts her jacket on the ground over a puddle for “them”. “they” go to the aquarium together, and mira listens to “zoey” ramble about the animals there and shares affectionate smiles with “rumi”.

its easier for her to sleep, because she’s been experiencing the phantom sensations of their hands and limbs wrapped around her. if she has a bad dream, she wakes up to “rumi” kissing her cheek, and “zoey” holding her hand. she tells “them” about her nightmare (that they’re gone, and this is all just fake or a hallucination, that she’s alone in the world without them), and “they” comfort her by telling her it wasnt real, that “theyre” there, “they’ll” always be there, theyll never be apart. and she falls back asleep, comforted by “their” words.

she follows “them” out one day. walks along the paths of the compound, ones they used to chase each other down as teenagers. “they” lead her around, just as they always have, and she follows, just as she always has.

eventually, “they” bring her to the cemetery, where all the hunters of years past have been buried. she complains at first (“ugh, i thought we were having a nice walk this morning. whyd you bring me here? its SUPER depressing.”), but “rumi” and “zoey” don’t respond. “they” just keep walking. they go past all the graves, and mira grows warier and warier. when they pass by miyeongs grave, she bows her head in respect. when she sees celine and poppys, she feels a pang in her chest, missing them dearly.

and then, of course, she sees them. sees where “rumi” and “zoey” have stopped.

“their” own graves. the ones mira hasnt been too since their joint funeral. “they” each stand in front of their own, staring at her blankly, as though showing her that that’s where they belong.

the memory of their loss hits her like a freight train. she collapses to her knees. reaches out for “them”, as though begging for “them” to help her back up, to let her forget again.

but “they” dont. “they” cant.

and suddenly, mira knows why shes here. she crawls over to the spot between their two graves, and curls up, closing her eyes.

she hears the sound of “them” sitting next to her, feels the faint, phantom sensation of “their” hands on her, before they fade away and are replaced by their real hands, by rumi brushing her hair out of her face, by zoey rubbing the side of her knee with her thumb. she opens her eyes and sees them smiling down at her, the three of them finally back together at last

(their children look for her for hours, terrified of where their mother has gone off to. they dont even think to look in the graveyard at first, knowing how much she avoids it.

but once its the last place they havent checked, they go.

they find her on the ground between her wives, their other mothers’ graves, a peaceful smile on her face.