I'VE GOT DOGS TO PUT THRU COLLEGE

i think the worst feeling in the world is when a dog doesn’t let you touch it 

just in case u all didnt know, losing a friend sucks and ruins everything that bonded you forever

like them actually dying

There’s no joy like getting to close all the windows and tabs of research you had open once you’re finally done with a paper.

what if flies said “hey” every time they flew by your ear 

There should be a word to describe that horrible feeling you get when you realize halfway through telling a story that it’s not as funny as you thought it was, but it’s too late to back out. So you just finish the story and everyone listening does that awkward polite laugh and then it gets quiet, so you burn your house down, fake your death, move to Chile and start a new life as a loner fisherman.

SHOUT-OUT TO THAT ONE PERSON IN YOUR LIFE THAT THINKS YOU’RE HILARIOUS AND PEES THEMSELVES LAUGHING EVERY TIME YOU ATTEMPT TO SAY SOMETHING EVEN REMOTELY FUNNY

a shout out to myself

same

My mom once said to me, “if you ever have car troubles but don’t know what the problem is, don’t take it in to a mechanic because they will try to sell you things you don’t need. Instead park yourself on the side of the highway, pop your hood, and look confused. Some mechanic will pull over to help and he’ll tell you what the problem is for free.” And that’s the day I realized that I could make the patriarchy work for me.