important jackbox stuff

Cookie: "Hello, friends of Starkells. This is Cookie Masterson. I'm taking time out of my very busy social calendar, to let you know a couple of things. First, thank you for letting Jackbox Games be a part of your community for Friday streams. I'm not sure why we're ignored all other days of the week, you'll have to take that up with Starkells. More importantly! She wants you all to know how much she enjoys playing with you, presumably any day of the week. I have not been paid for this message. Carry on."

Cookie: "Beth. This is your old friend, and I am pretty old at this point, Cookie Masterson. Beth, did you know this year marks the 30 year anniversary of You Don't Know Jack? Hard to believe. But, that's not the only big anniversary in 2025, because it is also your 10th wedding anniversary, according to Ramone! That's an accomplishment. But, so is having 5 girls. FIVE! Uh, completing your bachelor's in education, all while working full time AND being a mother? Are you kidding me!? Have you heard of something called "sleep"? Beth, I'm gonna be honest. Ramone was giving you (a) little shit for how long it took you to finish a course to renew your teaching license. Ramone. Brother, come on. She can only spin so many plates at a time! Now, to be fair, Beth, your husband was gushing about your achievements. Your mad teaching skills, the growth in your classes, standardized test scores, your school's national blue ribbon, and, basically everything you do to keep this family running everyday, and remaining a sweet, graceful presence...even when he's...well. When he's being how Ramone can be sometimes. Beth, on behalf of your husband, I'm honored to celebrate you, and I'm thrilled that You Don't Know Jack has given you guys a release over the years, when life has made that not so easy. Happy 10 year anniversary. Best of luck. And you show those Kindergarteners who's boss!"

Cookie: "Hello there, this is Cookie Masterson. In honor of You Don't Know Jack's 30 year anniversary, Griffin asked me to say a few words about his dad. A fan of the original game, for crying out loud. Hey, Guy. No, you're...Canadian, so...maybe it's "ghee"? ngah. canadians. Griffin says you still have...You Don't Know Jack CD-ROMs on your bookshelf. That's really cool, but, y'know, there's been a lot of other really great multi-media over the past 30 years. At this stage, those CD-ROMs make really good coasters. They also go well in a junk drawer. Guy, I-I'm just gonna use the American pronunciation, okay? I-I wanna point out 2 things Griffin mentioned about you. First, your love of local curling. I swear to you, Guy, I actually love...curling. It started with the early versions of You Don't Know Jack, that was the sport we would make fun of. But, at some point, I started watching it, on VHS tapes, and I got hooked! It's like darts, and- housecleaning on a slippery surface! I'm telling you, Guy...we could bondspiel(?) all night long, you and me. The other thing your son mentioned is that you sold international harvesters. No joke here. One of my fantasy trucks, is a '65 Scout 80, in pale green. Ohhh, the beauty of that thing... Guy. Can you hook a brother up? I-I'm not going to Derwent(???) to get one of these, I don't know where the hell that is. But, look. I'm a major celebrity, so- just- mention my name, and someone can have it delivered to me. Arright, Guy. You've- you've taken up way too much of my time. I just want to say, it's so cool. That you've been a loyal fan of the Jack franchise for all these years, and how nice that you have a great son! Who thinks the world of you! So Guy, I raise my glass, of Rickard's Red to you, and say, live long, and prosper."

Cookie: "Hello, Cory, Steph, Flyss, Thomas, Kat, and Jonathan, AKA the BAWTH Crew. This is Cookie Masterson. In honor of the 30 year anniversary of You Don't Know Jack, Thomas invited me to reach out to all of you BAWTH people. Is that an Allouise(???) reference? Something much worse? I don't know, don't ask me trivia questions. I hear that our Party Packs have been the glue that has held your shared nerdy friendship together for 10 years. For most people, it would be things like mutual respect, fighting for a common cause, uh, shared love of Jeff Goldblum...But for you, it's Party Packs. Who am I to judge? And honestly, if it weren't for you nerds buying our games, I couldn't afford to pay for this...very expensive microphone I'm talking into. So, thank you, BAWTH Crew! Thanks for bein' part of these 30 years!"

Cookie: "Harley Davey Harper. Surely you know that Jackbox is celebrating the 30 year anniversary of You Don't Know Jack. You would know this because we invited Jackbox fans to...request a message from me, the honorable Cookie Masterson, as part of this celebration. The message you submitted reads, as follows. "I'm still in love with my ex". ...That's it. 7 words. That's only 4 words longer than your full name, Harley Davey Harper, if that is your real name. Most requests have been endlessly long, begging for an editor to cut them down to a reasonable length. Yours...very concise. And has nothing to do with You Don't Know Jack, or Jackbox Games. Not a thing. I mean, you're probably surprised it was even noticed, let alone selected. But I'll tell you somethin', Harley. I have some opinions about your situation, as luck would have it. You've reached the right person. First of all, I know why it didn't work out with your ex. You didn't give enough. Your ex would ask you a question, and you'd respond with no more than 7 monosyllabic words. People aren't mind readers, Harley! Okay, next. Your message, "I'm still in love with my ex" You couldn't even be be bothered to put a period at the end of that sentence! Which tells me everything! You don't know how to end things! I'm sure the relationship just kinda fizzled away, and now look at you! You're starving for closure. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if you were the one who left, and as you walked out, you didn't close the front door! Why? Because you fear periods. Maybe you were waiting for them to follow you out, but they didn't! And now here you are, in your own self-imposed loneliness, devoid of romantic partnership and punctuation! Harley. I can't promise you'll get your ex back. But you don't stand a chance...unless you use your words! Like, more than 7 of them, and, when you've unburdened yourself of those...heartfelt expressions of love...punctuate them with a period. An exclamation! Or...possibly a smiling face with heart eyes emoji. Good luck, Harley."