i s a b e l l a

We are like the stars. The darker it gets, the more we push forever, the more we persevere.

They say the night sky we see isn’t the real one because some of those stars are long gone.

I didn’t think I would make it to my 18th, or my 21st.

“My”. It seems so strange to say that.

Is it always going to be like this? This disconnected, disassociated, detached

feeling of just, nothing.

This body. This, person is now 21.

Will there ever be reconcile between this body and I?

Will I ever look into the mirror and recognise the person that is looking back at me?

What will I do if I can’t?

I didn’t ever think I would make it to 21.

As an empath, sometimes I would find myself so drained and in such a bad mood when I came home, just from brushing into other people and their problems. I decided I needed a barrier with a little boost

What You’ll Need:

🔑 A piece of jewelry you wish to enchant

🔑 Carnelian to protect and stabilize, to encourage awareness of your own energy

🔑 Hematite to banish and absorb negativity

🔑 Obsidian to ground and protect, to shield against negativity

🔑 Amethyst to bring strength, stability, and peace

🔑 Ruby in Zoisite to maintain your individuality

🔑 Bay for protection and to ward off negativity

🔑 Cinnamon for protection and strengthening of psychic power

🔑 Lavender for soothing

🔑 A dish to hold your herbs and jewelry (if you want to put your crystals in as well, make sure it’s big enough)

🔑 A white candle

🌙 Gather your items together in front of you so you can easily access them

🌙 Place your herbs into your bowl, stating the reason you’re using each one and thanking them for helping you. Focus on what you want each herb to do as you place it into the dish. Arrange your crystals around/inside your dish, asking each one of them to help you and thanking them for offering their energy

🌙 Place the piece of jewelry into the dish with the herbs, and then light the candle. Allow the candle to help draw energy into the dish. Concentrate on the item of jewelry, and envision it beginning to glow

🌙 Repeat the following (tweak it if you want)

[name of the item of jewelry], please help protect me whilst I wander among Earth’s people. I ask that you absorb and emulate the energies of these stones and herbs. Allow me to feel only that which I feel, allow me to take on only that which I consciously wish. Protect me from overload, protect me from the negativity of others. They can feel their own emotions, without my help. I do not need to take on other’s struggles

Growing up, people always assumed I was a straight girl who would marry a man and give up my education. I never understood why until I turned 12 and asked one of my friends who said something I’ll never forget:

“Well, you just kind of… look like you could be a trophy wife”

I was  12 years old and didn’t really know what that meant. So I went home and asked my mom. She asked why I cared what a trophy wife and I told my mom what my friend said. I didn’t really understand why mom appeared appalled. She told me what my friend said was untrue but not to worry about it. I still had no idea what she said meant.

So, being a young child, I googled it. Then I was personally offended. I couldn’t figure out how someone could assume I was just going to give up all my ambitions because I fell in love.

Then, when I thought about it, I realized that my room is pink. I had long hair, I enjoyed looking at makeup, I enjoyed traditional “girly” things. So, I guess I could see how people would think that.

But yet again, I couldn’t. I was an honor roll student (I was still 12, so I still wasn’t in advanced classes), I had goals and dreams. None of them were solely about getting married. Now, I still think getting married one day would be nice, but my goals are much more career oriented.

So while I do enjoy doing makeup and my favorite colors are “girly”, I still love flowers, and my favorite genre of movies in rom-coms, I love science. I am extremely passionate about science. In fact, it’s what I would like to do with my life. I want to be an optometrist. I want to have a career.

I fully support women who choose to become housewives, but that is not for me. I don’t hold my tongue very well, I have a very big personality, and I just don’t want to be a housewife. I don’t particularly want children (another crime against that fact that I can have children apparently).

However, these feelings tied into my coming out as bisexual. I felt as though people wouldn’t believe me because I didn’t “look” gay. In fact, the absolutely first person I told about my sexuality told me I just wanted attention.

So, I spent three years in the closet, not because I was afraid of being kicked out, but out of fear of no one believing me. I guess I still blame that friend a little bit for giving me that idea.

So sure, people call me a lipstick lesbian, but honestly I’m ok with that. For a while, I was in a relationship with a boy who was ok with my ambition. He was ambitious too, and didn’t try to contain my dreams. I really appreciate him.

The other issue with this is the women who shame women like me. Women who like both traditional things that are meant for girls, but also who enjoy science. Women who scold me for not caring about if I can attract a husband, and the women who tell me that by wearing makeup, I am putting the feminist movement back. Both women are in the wrong.

It is, in my opinion, wrong to tell someone that because they enjoy x, they can not enjoy a, b, or c. They can only enjoy y and z.

It’s all about pursuing what you want. Don’t let someone tell you that what you like to do is wrong (unless you’re into murdering people or stuff up that alley). I’m still so glad that I grew up with great examples of what I could be when I grew up. My mom has more education than my father and that’s ok. My father is in my corner and wants me to become educated. Both of my parents support my goals.

As you might already know, everything has energy and vibrates at a certain frequency. Your thoughts and words become your reality. A manifestation technique that I want to share with you all is labeling your water.

What you’ll need:

Water

A water bottle or cup

Something to write with

A piece of paper or sticky note

What you’ll need to do: You will need to decide what it is that you want to manifest. I usually choose a feeling. So let’s say I want to manifest a loving relationship, I could label my water “love”. Or let’s say I want to have tons of money in the bank, I could label my water “abundance”, “wealth”, and “money flows to me easily from expected and unexpected ways”. Really put your own spin on this. You can add phrases, words, affirmations, a drawing.. anything! Write it on the piece of paper then stick it to your water bottle/cup. The only thing left now is to drink the water.

How does this work? You are setting an intention and programming the water to match the same frequency of your intention. The water is now charged and emitting a vibration that matches exactly what you want to achieve. Once you drink it, you will be of that same frequency.