ReadyForNothing.

It's hard to put into words how this appointment felt, except like therapy.

It feels really good and really bad all at the same time.

He said he believes me. That he's on my side. I've always been questioned by doctors like I'm being interrogated instead of trying to be understood.

He believes everything I said. He told me what I have is actually different from Rheumatoid Arthritis. I have Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis. It used to be named Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis, hence the confusion.

He knows if I'm not on meds, I could very well end up back in a hospital from it trying to shut down my organs.

He believes me.

He got so upset when I talked about my previous doctor experiences. He was kind when I cried in front of him from being so happy that I'm believed.

He flinched when I told him about my PTSD from being bed bound and abused.

I asked him if he thought it was crazy that I have no family history of this and that my genes just mutated. He asked me if my family blamed me.

I hadn't expected that. They did though. They did.

I asked him if it was crazy if I told him I love him. He smiled so big. He said it makes him happy, but that maybe I should wait until he makes me feel better.

"Blood and Ichor" by Kaylus Rien

A recreation of "The Creation of Adam" hands by Michelangelo

My partner looked at me right before I left and said, "God, you look good!"

A man complimented my beard as well.

Today has been a good day.

(My shirt is a collared rainbow croptop)

I'm very gender today

I've never made art like this before, but I love it

Here's my recent completed things. All of these are things I've never drawn before!

Nathan Surman(? Forgot spelling) dated me when I was 15/16 and he was an adult. Dated me to the point he told his dad my age, and his dad called him a pedophile. Which then he turned to me for comfort, and I definitely was like, "Oh no, baby. You're not a pedophile." But given I'm an adult now, I can say that yes. You are indeed a pedophile.

He's not the only one who did similar. I was groomed and preyed upon by a good bit of the writing community here on tumblr. I had no clue what it was because I was being abused by my family members, and my mom would push me on grown men all the time.

I did become obsessed with him as a mentally ill, abused, disabled child. But he's the one who would video call me and talk about having children with me at the age of 16 when my niece was born. He's the one who visited me for my 17th birthday where he kept trying to get me to come to his hotel room even though I just had surgery.

The only reason we broke up was because my mom was starting to find out, and I didn't want to be beaten for it.

Nathan made sure I didn't interact with certain people because he didn't want anyone to find out that we were either dating or my age or both.

I hid the last time. I will not be hiding this time.

I will be protecting myself as best as I can.

I am out to my doctors and I live in a small town in a red state.

Lost in the stars, I feel alone

The cold front moving in makes me shiver

But never as much as your cold touch did

I miss you in stages of grief

Where I'm still wrapped around your finger

But you'll never touch me again

Besides the memories that linger

I wish I could say I wish you the best

But you made my life beyond miserable

I hope to count sheep and have a dreamless sleep