Venus In Furs

But we all know if you feed that man one (1) home cooked meal he’d spend half the night with his face buried in your pussy before getting up early to change your windshield wipers and put gas in your car. My man can’t help himself, he’s not cut out for the casual life. He lives for doing husband shit, wants to be yours *so badly*…

Sammy pretending to be nonchalant when he’s actually extremely down BAD for you- ugh i need it.

You have only really been seeing Sammy for a few weeks at this point, still in the new relationship bliss where you are discovering new things about each other. Sammy brags to his cop buddies about you but tells them it’s just casual, not that serious, he just divorced Tammi after all. If we wanna go even further maybe he even calls you his badge bunny around the guys unbeknownst to you.

But when you are the one to plan your 10th? 12th? date and it’s a home cooked meal at your apartment after Sammy has a particularly hard shift. (one where he definitely didn't miss you through the whole thing or anything.) He can’t help the dopey smile glued to his face the whole time even as he buries it between your thighs cause how else is the man supposed to show you his gratitude for all your hard work.

“Mhm Sammy! Baby, baby s’ too much” you cry out and push at his head your fingers threading through his sweaty curls as his mouth only sucks harder at your clit. His fingers plunging deeper making your back arch off your bed. “You can take it honey, c’mon cum one more time for me” you had already came twice on his tongue, little did you know he was far from done with you. The two of you couldn’t even make it to your bedroom, he just about dropped to his knees the second he finished clearing the table of dirty dishes.

Dirty dishes he most certainly doesn’t get up early that morning — from his first time sleeping over at yours — to clean before heading out to your car. Checking your tires air pressure and changing the wind shield wipers cause he remembered you complaining how much your mechanic charges you for it. And he for sure doesn’t take your car to fill it with gas and grab you flowers and a morning after pill.

And he would never kiss you goodbye and spend the rest of his next shift so giddy and happy that it freaks Sherman out. He may tell the guys that it’s just a fling and it’s fun but deep down he wants every night to be like last night. And if he asks you to be his girlfriend by the next date well the guys don’t need to know that.

omg yesss anon. Of course I can do this!! I believe this is canon Sammy in my mind. <3

Sammy is standing in a group huddled around in the middle of the office talking about how they’ve been taking down some good cases, and all Sammy has is the most smug ass expression.

“well, not to brag…” but he does mean to brag. Going on and on about these new cases that him and Nate are doing so well at.

“I mean, I may be up for a new promotion with how good we’re doing.”

He’s shrugging as if it’s so obvious to everyone in the room, until he’s feeling a tap on his shoulder and turning his head to you who’s holding out a folder of papers for him.

The man was too stunned to speak. He had no words, he pretty much had gone non-verbal. Letting out slight improvised grunts and mumbles that a very non-understandable.

“Sammy? Sammmyyyy helloo.” You’re waving around the file in front of him and trying to get him to pay attention from the trance he was seemingly trapped in.

The guys who he now had his back to are all chuckles and belly-laughs at how whipped Sammy seems. He’s practically drooling at the mouth.

Quickly he’s snapped out of his trance and just clearing his throat awkwardly like he wasn’t just completely incoherent

“S-s-sorry, doll… uhm, did you, n-need something?” He’s a complete and utter mess

“Yeah, your file.” You waving it in front of him again until he eventually raises his hand to take it

“yeah, yeah uhm.. sorry.”

Husband! Sammy Bryant who genuinely clings to you at night in his sleep, he’s got an arm and a leg completely draped over your body, face nuzzled into your neck.

Husband! Sammy Bryant who has photos of you and your babies all over his desk.

Husband! Sammy Bryant who carries around a photo of you in his wallet, never missing the a chance to show you off, he’s showing the poor teenage cashier that just wants to go home, the bank teller, anyone who will look and he has a proud smile while doing so.

Husband! Sammy Bryant who greets you at the door with a kiss to your lips, instantly taking the baby of your hip so you can have some time to yourself.

Husband! Sammy Bryant who hosts barbecues just to see you in a little summer dress, don’t let you have a baby bump under it either cause you’ll be disappearing from your own party early.

Husband! Sammy Bryant who SOBBED when you walked down the aisle, like nose running, eyes red, cheeks wet crying.

Imagine Craig walks into the kitchen at like 3am and he flicks the light on to see the two of you making sandwiches in the dark. Not a simple one, but a pretty decent spread 😭

I wonder what everyone (besides Smurf) thinks of her, she’s pretty but maybe her odd personality outweighs it . I bet she’s pretty nice to everyone though!! ( besides baz and Smurf, she scares them horribly )

omg yes!! i love this idea, they lowkey do not give a single fuck who catches them doing weird shit together either! thank you for the request <333

minors do not interact, 18+

you and pope are in the kitchen making your sandwiches as if it were the most normal thing in the world. the kitchen was virtually pitch black, but you two were navigating it like seasoned professionals. craig stumbles in and flicks on the light, nearly having a heart attack when he sees the two of you. in sync, you and pope glance up at him for a split second before going right back to making your food. "the fuck are you guys doing?" craig scoffs, opening the fridge to find a snack. "sandwiches..." you and pope speak in unison, almost eerily so.

craig pauses, looking around at the kitchen counter covered in what looked to be almost a full tray's worth of italian subs. "can i have one?" he asks casually. you glance over at pope before back at craig and nod, picking the one up that you wanted him to have. "extra banana peppers..." you say quietly as you hand it to him. "sweet, thanks." craig offers you a small smile and shuts off the lights before going back to his room. you feel a soft kiss to the side of your head in the dark and let out a small chuckle before getting right back to business.

also- i think everyone except smurf would warm up to you eventually. your personality isn't entirely new to them, since they saw you and pope to be similar in many ways. instead, it just took them some time to learn the ways you work and how you interact with others. everyone but sm*rf and b*z (spooky...) took the time to understand you, so i think they're just hates and they can stay mad (not mystified tho bc i'd never disrespect peepaw like that). deran and craig would be quite fond of you just like they are pope, finding themselves quite entertained by the way you and your boyfriend interact on a daily basis. :3

anyway I was thinking about the girl fuck you tony soprano tweet and I thought sammy’s definitely the type of guy who’d flip out if you pulled the girl fuck you card during an argument and yeah I’ve been giggling at this for the past 10 minutes 😭😭

baby i could never be sick of you, you make my time on tumblr very entertaining! you're very loved and appreciated dw <3333

minors do not interact, 18+

this is so funny to me because i know sammy would NOT have the typical response of something like "i'm not a girl" or stupid shit like that. you guys would be having a petty argument over something really miniscule because you're both just exhausted. sammy would say something like "don't you think you're taking this a bit far?" to which you respond with "girl, fuck you." and just storm off to another area of the house to catch your breath.

he's not even sure what to say about it at first. he couldn't tell if you were being serious, but once you made it clear that you were, it was like something in him flipped. "if you wanna go there, we can go there, baby." he raises his voice a bit so you can hear him. he searches through the house until he finds you curled up on the guest room bed. "fuck me, huh? nah- girl, fuck you." is all he said before going back into the kitchen to make himself a drink.

you wanted to be irritated at him, but the amount of sass coming from this grown man just made you giggle instead. of course, when he could hear you from where he was in the kitchen, he realized how silly he sounded and started giggling too. so yeah, argument over, you guys share big, sloppy kiss and make up :D

i NEED to start writing more crack stuff like this it's so much fun T-T