iwishuponmystar

Yup. That’s the way I look. Me. 180 pounds. Heavier than ever before. Depressed. Sad. Emotionally shoving chips and queso in the middle of the night. Up 15 pounds from February. Throwing away all the progress I’ve made. Unmotivated.

I. Am. Tired.

I’m tired of feeling this way. I feel like my body has gotten out of control because my emotions have been out of control.

A few months ago I was ghosted by a guy I really liked. I reached for food for comfort. I skipped work outs and Postmates became my new friend. days became weeks and weeks became months and created unhealthy habits I worked so hard to break.

I. Hate. This.

I hate the way I feel. I hate the way I look. I hate it all. But I have to be the one to change it. I could care less about being healthy. I just want to feel good about myself.

Parts of my thighs touch that have never touched before, my boobs are growing, I barely fit into my LEGGINGS. I refuse to buy new clothes so that alone should be modivation.

Today I started Omada and hopefully with support of a dietitian and a group I can turn these habits around. Aside from Omada I’m starting body boss next week, again. I did really well with BB before, but fell off when all I could do was nap. On top of all of that tumblr will now be my landing place for accountability. Please strangers on the interweb. Help.

I’m 5’ 5”. My goal weight is 150 pounds. I’m currently 180. I got halfway there to 165 in February.

I didn’t gain all this weight overnight and I won’t loose it overnight. But I’m willing to put in the sweat and even some bland food.

I don’t want to see these glumps and lumps anymore. I don’t even care if I meet the goal weight. I just wanna feel good about myself again.