“Know the difference between BREADCRUMBS and BREAD.”
My session today really lightened my load a little bit so I wanted to share something my therapist said as I shared how I was feeling to learn that narcissists wreaked havoc in my life because of my personality traits of codependency. I don’t BLAME myself for someone else’s behaviors, NO! I hold myself accountable for what is true about ME that I ALLOWED things. When I knew I didn’t like it but I went along to “keep the peace” and stuff like that especially with the “best friend” that all these years was NEVER really my “best friend”. No one FORCED me to participate in all the unhealthy connections I had. My own unhealed traumas played a major part in my choices and a lot of those choices got me here with a SHIT TON of work to do. That doesn’t feel good to say. I’ve cried a couple of times wondering WHY DIDN’T I VALUE MYSELF MORE instead of look for other people to do something I wasn’t doing for myself. I should never have expected anything I wasn’t giving myself to come from anyone else especially not from some damn narcissists!
But a new day to be alive is a new chance to decide differently.
To say NO!
To implement boundaries.
To BELIEVE there ARE more OPTIONS besides, “Sure,” and “OK, no problem,” like, “Not today,” and “That’s not something I can help with, I hope you get it figured out.” Because those responses are fine too. Somewhere along the line, I allowed myself to be convinced that they weren’t so the only way to undo that is to practice responding based on my true feelings.
I think these will be my favorite ones: “No.” and “Nah, I don’t feel like it.” No more concern with someone else’s feelings. Other people’s feelings WERE NEVER OUR RESPONSIBILITY! No more guilt about checking things against my wants and needs. Those wants and needs have to be established and paired with boundaries. I’m going to get the hang of this! I know I am.
I truly thought this Tumblr was going to be total madness towards narcissists that have taken advantage of me. AND IT MIGHT BE SOMETIMES! *LOL* But when I write all that and read it to myself, I start to feel like I need to love myself. I feel sad reading how often I took breadcrumbs which do not feed, nourish or promote growth like bread does.
I deserve to attract people with BREAD! People where we SHARE building up of each other…no more one-sidedness where I am DOING all the DOING. People that feel safe FOR REAL because they are and I learn what it feels to have that for a change…safety instead of fear of something. Self-love sets boundaries. It creates better self-talk like, “That’s not safe for me, exit stage right…RIGHT NOW. No sticking around to “see” anything.” Self-love helps me keep me out of harms way.
