Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Summary
(The full post with elaborate explanations can be found here.)
Being a responsible adult doesnât have to mean doing things perfectly - it means doing what you realistically can. Canât eat 7 fresh veggies and fruits a day? Buy some veggie juice or a smoothie and chug that. Canât make a proper, healthy meal? Add some extra protein to your instant noodles. Canât do the dishes? Buy some paper plates. Donât worry about doing things âthe right wayâ, just do what works.
Itâs not cheating to do something the easy way. If thereâs an easy or more manageable solution available, use it. Even if some people think itâs lazy. Donât worry about that. Just focus on finding the methods of doing things which make life easier for you.
Fuck what youâre âsupposedâ to do. Yes, ideally you shouldnât run the dishwasher twice, but if cleansing the dishes by hand is not an option and thatâs the only way you can get clean dishes, do it anyways! When youâre in a really bad place mentally, fuck the rules. Do what you need to do to get shit done, even if itâs not how youâre supposed to do it.
Do stuff while youâre waiting to do other stuff. We spend a lot of time waiting, so spend the time youâd normally just waste getting some chores done. Collect the trash while your roommate is in the bathroom or wipe down the kitchen counters while youâre making coffee. You can even turn it into a game! How many dishes can you clean before the potatoes are boiling? How much trash can you collect and throw out before your load of laundry is done?
You donât have to do everything at once. Donât wait for the day where youâre up for cleaning the entire house cause then youâll be waiting for ages. You can wipe down one counter and call it a day. You can put away a couple things and leave the rest. You can do one small chore and let that be it. You donât have to choose between doing everything and doing nothing. Any progress is worthwhile.
Let go of the idea that something has to become a permanent habit to have any value. Doing a certain sport for a month is still healthy even if you then move on to something else. Exploring a new hobby for a while and then moving on to other stuff will always teach you something. Whatâs good for you today will not necessarily be whatâs good for you tomorrow.
Donât worry about the entire task. Just focus on the first step. Donât worry about brushing your teeth - just get your toothbrush wet and put tooth paste on it. Donât worry about writing the essay - just look at the assignment and open a document. Donât worry about going to the store - just put on your coat and your shoes. Starting a task is a lot easier if you only focus on the step right in front of you.
Imagine that your body is a pet/animal you have to care for. Feed and hydrate yourself, keep yourself and your environment clean, make sure you donât get under or overstimulated, allow yourself time to rest and relax, find ways to enrich your life (like socializing, media or hobbies) -Â and do your best to make sure youâre healthy and happy, even though you never actually signed up for being your own zookeeper.
Just because you canât do it perfectly doesnât mean you should stop trying. Packing lunch a couple times a week is better than never packing lunches. Journaling or making art once a month is better than never doing anything creative. Exercising every once in a while when you have the energy is better than never exercising. You donât have to do something every single day for it to be important and helpful.
Put on a professional persona when itâs necessary. Try to separate the anxious and dysfunctional you from the Student You whoâs sending that important email or the Client You whoâs making that phone call or the Customer You who isnât afraid to ask for help. It might feel like youâre performing a role, but to be honest, most of us do at times.
When youâre doing chores, act like youâre filming a tutorial. Narrate what youâre doing like someoneâs watching. That might make it easier to maintain focus and to keep track of the various steps.
You donât have to do anything perfectly. Wiping yourself off with some baby wipes beats not doing anything about your personal hygiene. Eating a protein bar beats not eating. Using mouthwash beats neglecting dental hygiene completely. Going for a quick walk beats not moving. It doesnât have to be perfect to count and make a difference.
Make something you know you have to do the trigger for you to start doing something else. Tell yourself ânext time I get up to pee Iâll take out the trashâ or âwhen I get up to get something to drink next Iâll make lunch.â If you HAVE to get up anyways, you might as well.
Assign yourself a deadline. Tell yourself âonce this video is over, Iâll do the dishesâ or âonce this alarm rings, Iâll do my laundry.âÂ
If you struggle to be compassionate towards yourself, try visualizing your future self as a separate person who you like and want to do favors for. Try to think of your future self as a friend who is separate from your current self and do what you can to make their life easier by doing things like preparing that lunch, doing those chores, taking that shower or making fun plans. I know theyâll be grateful.
Make putting stuff back where it belongs so easy that you âmight as well.â Organize your home so that placing stuff where it belongs becomes so easy that you might as well just place it there. For many people that means several laundry baskets, many trash cans and easily accessible and very visible storage options. So if you keep finding things in annoying places, make sure they get an easily accessible home!
Look into why you canât do something. Is something about the chores youâre struggling to do actually causing you sensory distress and is there something you can do to make it more comfortable? If you hate mint toothpaste, get one that tastes like bubble gum. If old food grosses you out, do the dishes with thick gloves on. If showering makes you feel bad about your body, shower with the lights off. The problem isnât always about self discipline, and in those cases itâs worth looking into why youâre struggling so much to get certain chores done.
Take care of yourself in order to take care of others ( whether pets or people.) Outside motivation is necessary for many people who struggle with executive dysfunction. For many people getting out of bed is easier when you know someone else is relying on you being somewhat functional. So donât be afraid to find the motivation to take care of yourself in wanting to take care of others.
Make keeping your place clean as easy as possible. Make sure thereâs easy one step access to the things you need often. Make sure that the place where a thing is supposed to be is actually within reach of where you use the thing. Make sure everything has a an easily accessible place to go, even if that means several laundry baskets and several trash cans. Examine whatâs messing up your place and find a home for it where youâre likely to actually place it on a regular basis.
Choose one very specific thing to work on - like the bathroom sink or the oven or your desk. If you suffer from executive dysfunction youâll likely be distracted, but having one specific focus point you can keep returning to will mean that in between getting distracted, you can return to your chosen project and get some shit done.
When something feels overwhelming, tell yourself to âjust show upâ and that you âwonât have to stay the whole time if itâs horrible.â Cause odds are that once youâve pushed past your initial mental block, youâre likely to stay and finish what you started.
If you really canât do something, accept your limits and find a different method. Donât keep trying to push through via willpower alone. If you need outside accountability to get your shit done, find someone who can hold you accountable. If you know you canât remember the stuff youâre supposed to remember, make sure to always write things down. If you keep forgetting your meds, set a daily alarm. Donât keep expecting yourself to be able to do things you always struggle with.
Make your chores into a game. Assign certain chores certain points and make a list of fun rewards you can have once youâve earned a certain amount of points through doing chores.
If itâs worth doing, itâs worth doing poorly. Any amount of effort is better than none, so on days where you canât do something well, do it anyways! Any amount of progress beats not getting started.
Find a momentum and use it to do that thing youâve been struggling to start doing. You canât get yourself together to shower? Well, find something you CAN do - and once youâre already doing something, you might be able to channel said energy into showering.
Take it one step at a time. I know a shower sounds overwhelming, but can you take your clothes off? If yes, can you turn on the shower? If yes, can you stand under the stream? Look who just tricked themselves into doing the thing by breaking it down into manageable chunks!
Donât just break a task into smaller steps - break it into steps so small you canât possible get overwhelmed and fuck up. âClean my roomâ is far too vague - but âset a timer and collect all the trash you can in 10 minutesâ is actually manageable and so is âmove all dirty dishes to the kitchenâ or âremove and/or sort all clothes laying on the floor.â
Donât worry about how most people do things - worry about what works for YOU. You constantly lose your key? Make ten copies. You overlook your post it notes? Put something with the important reminder on it in front of the door. Got laundry and trash all over the floor? Get more laundry baskets/trash cans. Coping with executive dysfunction is not about learning to do things the neurotypical way, itâs about finding strategies which actually work for you.
When youâre overwhelmed and struggling, find the easiest and fastest way to get rid of some of the distress. Eat if youâre hungry, sleep if youâre tired, pee if you have to, get that thing youâve been postponing done if you can. The more stressors you can remove, the better - and itâs okay to start with the smaller ones!
Donât worry about aesthetics. When you struggle with executive dysfunction, maintaining a picture perfect home is probably unrealistic. So drop that dream and focus on making your space practical and functional. Remove the doors of your kitchen cabinets and closets if that will actually make you put stuff away. Get a paper shredder and a mail sorting station if you got mail and advertisements everywhere. Buy all your socks in one color if you struggle to pair them. There are many ways to make your environment more functional. Explore them instead of just trying and failing to make your home look nice.
Get started on your next task before you take your break. Write that first sentence, make that first sketch, get the vacuum cleaner out of the closet or collect the dishes for washing and THEN have your break. Many people with executive dysfunction struggle to start tasks, so for most of us itâs easier to continue something weâve already started working on than to begin from scratch.
