it is what it is

if i could fly, i’d make this feel like home

my favorite live performance ever

If you don’t know // 5sos

So I came home from school a few days ago and found this on one of the cabinets in my house. 

See about three years ago my parents decided to go on a big push to get healthy. At the time we were all really overweight, it was a good idea. Our motto became “Eat less. Exercise more.” This was reasonable, because we often had thirds in every meal, and I couldn’t run to my mail box without getting out of breath. Since that time between the four members of my family we’ve lost a hundred and sixty pounds. I am muscled, curvy, and a weight I love. I exercise four days a week, usually boxing early in the morning before school. Usually in the course of a day I’ll eat two pieces of toast, a sandwich and a fruit, and a small piece of meet with a couple vegetables. 

My parents are not impressed. At one time, they always repeated to me “healthy at any weight”, but now it has turned not to being healthy to be healthy, but lose weight lose weight lose weight. 

My eleven year old sister and I have started working with each other to sneak food into our rooms that they won’t notice we’ve taken.

The other day, I didn’t wake up at five before school to work out, and my dad yelled at me, making me promise to work out an extra day that week. 

My dad picks apart my lunch in the morning. Recently, they started giving me only half a sandwich. 

A few days ago, my sister went to get a cheese stick after school, and my mother told her that if she ate it, it would be her entire dinner. My sister ate it, and didn’t get dinner. 

My parents told me I need to get a personal trainer so I can “improve faster”. 

My family has a history of eating disorders, and everyday my family seems more and more anorexic. I’m scared for both myself and my younger sister. Both of us try to not eat, because we get approval from our parents for being “more healthy”.  I’ve stopped eating lunch, trying to loose weight so that they will be nicer to me. 

I don’t think my parents realize that they’re fostering eating disorders, but the other day I tried to make myself puke, because they treat food like poison.