Loser Styles

!!!IMPORTANT FOR BLACK US VOTERS!!!

I saw this on Facebook and went to check my registration status, sure it was fine because I voted recently, but I put in the info and it said I’m not registered

The movie begins. The audience is rife with anticipatory giggles. Some lady in the back row loudly says “can we be quiet now, please? let us watch the movie in silence” in a displeased Russian accent. 

We will inevitably disappoint her

In the first 5 minutes, while crying with laughter, I decide this movie is actually about a human who gets genetically engineered into a cat and is exiled to a furrykin community.

5 minutes after that, I think about how good a movie this would be if it was hand-drawn animation and not CGI people-cats, and I become absolutely furious

Mice and cockroaches have human faces and bodies. The audience is screaming.

This film comes VERY close to having a dog on screen. I start sweating in dread of what it might look like. The dog is never shown.

None of the humor is funny

During the slow parts I start to imagine other celebrities in full cat CGI to amuse myself

Cat Idris Elba sexily Thanos-snaps another cat out of existence. Audible confusion ripples through the audience.

The cats do some extremely horny body work involving their tails. The audience is making disgusted noises. Several people yelp “oh NO” very loudly

At the end of a song, the throng of cats start “applauding” by slapping their hands on the ground and saying “meowmeowmeowmeowmeow”. This instigates a fight-or-flight response in me so strong that I nearly bolt out of the theatre.

During an awkward silence the camera cuts to a cat making a “yikes” kind of grimace and the whole theatre laughs because that is the exact emotion we are all feeling

A cat helicopters into the ceiling and is vaporized by cat Idris Elba. A man in the audience yells “GOTTEM!!” at the top of his lungs

Most cats are naked but somehow cat Idris Elba manages to be far more naked than all of them. The audience is screaming, again

Memoriiiiiiies. All alone in the moonliiiiiiight. “Please,” begs the Russian lady in the back of the theatre, sounding defeated, “don’t laugh. Not now.”

The actor who plays the main character gray cat who never gets a song explaining who he is (I am told he is Munkustrap) is DEAD SERIOUS about this role. He is a PROFESSIONAL. He is feeling being a cat so hard. Look at his face at literally any point (but especially during the final epilogue song) and I guarantee he will be having an intensely invested serious face journey. His shoulders must be aching from carrying this entire film.

‪I have so many interests but can never start on any of them. Or, I keep starting projects just to abandon them half way through. More contradicting ADHD things (that drive me nuts)‬

“Humans, we’ve just captured your president! If you wish to see him alive again, than you must-“ “Overlord, they’re just celebrating in the streets.” “What!?”

Aliens think replacing the police with massive security robots would instill terror in the population. Instead, the local minister of order is given multiple cards gift baskets saying that their rule are so much better and safer than the racist cops of old.

The right are quelled when old monarchs of Europe and Asia are placed back on their thrones because of the aliens’ ceremonial nostalgia. The left love the aliens for giving LGBTQ+, disabled, and POC people equal legal status as well as forcing the majority of the Earth to treat their minorities right.

Instead of aliens trying to sexuality assault or kidnap women, the aliens would be turned to blushing messes as they’re called ‘cute’, ‘strong’, and ‘adorable’ by teens and youth adults.

Hmmmmmm HMMMMMM

america alone does almost half the world’s military spending