sad cowboy

the hillside wanderers as a TV series

i want to see a girl in her mid twenties who has never been kissed

i want to see a girl who is confused because she has literally no experience

a girl that has panic attacks when she thinks of sex and cant stop thinking about what kissing is like while also being terrified of it

a girl who cant figure out her sexuality because she’s never gotten to try

a girl who self destructs because shes terrified of how bigger her baggage gets with age

i’m sick of seeing woman in tv and movies who date and have sex and still have relationship hangups, not because that doesnt exist but because i cant relate to those women

i want to turn on the tv and see a 25 year old woman who has never been with anyone, was genuinely not looked at for a long time and has become terrified of attention, who’s anxiety cheats them out of dating, who greets every birthday with this feeling of dread in the pit of their stomach because they’re getting older and older and it feels weirder and more wrong with every passing year

i know i’m not the only woman like this, but with the way the media is, it’s maybe the most alienating baggage i carry. everywhere i look, it’s weird that this is my experience. i feel ashamed and i feel scared that i one day have to tell a person to their face that i’m am adult who has never had a first kiss. its terrifying and consuming and confusing and awful. you start to believe it isnt meant for you - not just sex, or intimacy, but fucking love itself. because you dont turn on the tv and see people like you. “unlucky in love” means slightly clumsy and loud on dates and fear of commitment. its a quirky girl who probably has had sex with multiple people and just ~cant figure it out~!!!!!

i want a girl who feels so alone because she literally always has been