it's the cat

Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection 

this is the funniest thing i have ever read

me when i eat fruits: i'm so fucking healthy

your 20's: the era when you gotta make shit happen but all you wanna do is chill.

Please fire me. A lady came in screaming and ranting how we wrote an obscene insult on her sandwich. Turns out she ordered a BLT with cheese. We wrote Blt +ch on it. It took me and a manager 15 minutes just to calm her down enough to even listen to us.

sounds like she was a real BLT with cheese

Lmfaoooooo children will roast you. Truly

The 5-year-old is SAVAGE. LOL

“I read her the instructions” 😂😂😂

My favorite thing on Tumblr are translated Russian cats.