I wish I could terrorize ancient people with things that are commonplace today

releasing a roomba into the greek forums

People have wanted to fuck werewolves for longer than we ever realized

Oh lort

can’t wait for the final boss battle of duolingo when you fight the 50 foot owl armed with nothing but your wits, a sword, and your shaky grasp of verb conjugations

oh my god… duel lingo

holy crap

One of my favourite things about Rick Riordan is just how much he hates the movies made of his own books… like there are whole collections of his tweets where he does nothing but joke about how bad the movies are. I love him

Shout out professor rj lupin for not flipping absolute shit when he sees harry with the marauders map in the hallway that night. i seriously cant stop laughing he could have gone oh FUUUUUCKK!!!!!!!!!! but hes got like plus 15 repression and a proficiency in Bullshitting so he just says ‘hmm yes yes oh is this a? a zonkos? haha cool.’ Legend.

Snow White twist where Snow White is played by a dark-skinned woman with snow white hair

People in the comments are so mad 💀

Ok like I’m here for the whole “if it doesn’t make you happy, don’t do it” movement but like, be smart, yeah? Don’t just quit your job out of the blue, even if it is soul sucking, get another job first. Don’t just kick your roommate out because you aren’t getting along, talk to them first. And don’t say absolutely everything that pops into your mind, because discretion will save your ass on occasion. I’m not saying you can’t live authentically, but be smart.

And while we’re at it, rudeness and honesty are not the same thing. “I’m just being honest” is not an excuse to be nasty to someone for no reason, and “that’s just how I am” is not an excuse not to change your behavior.

The epitome of men is feeling so absurdly enraged by a woman having opinions about a thing he likes that he makes a near day long video about how mad he is about it.

After everything that happened in Ragnarok, imagine Thor hearing about Steve and Tony’s fight and being like “Really?! Thats why you all stopped working together?! Just get over it! I did! I’m still friends with Loki and he’s betrayed me three times since breakfast! This petty mortal shit is nothing!”

Now I feel I was cheated on Civil War

Steve: “Well, we disagreed about this big political thing, and I mean big - almost every country in the world was involved.” Thor: *nodding* “Right.” Steve: “So we started to fight, I mean really fight.  We each had about half a dozen friends backing us up.” Thor: *nodding* “Always best to bring your friends along” Steve: “And by the end, it was just me and Tony, and we… we really pounded each other…. no holding back.” Thor: *nodding* “The most honorable way to fight” Steve:  “So now we’re not friends anymore.” Thor: “… you lost me.”

I think my favorite jokes are the ones that weren’t even all that funny until I was an adult, and now they’re fucking hilarious. I’m not even talking about the dirty jokes. I’m talking about in Finding Nemo where the sharks are having fucking AA for fish eating. Remember that shit? “I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself.” Who ever thought of that? That was brilliant. Or what about that time in Shrek 2 where Shrek and Donkey infiltrate the castle pretending to be union workers? Little me didn’t give a shit about unions but big me is remembering Shrek going “It’s okay buddy, we’re from the union” and the desk worker secretively “we don’t even have dental,” and Shrek just shakes his head and looks at Donkey like he can’t believe this shit and goes, “They don’t even have dental.” What the fuck. I’m dying of laughter. Who comes up with this shit.

You know what I want? A vampire comedy where at one point a vampire goes “Your father would be spinning in his grave” and then there’s a quick cutaway to a dimly lit gothic boudoir where a coffin is rattling at an incredible speed

someone get this post to taika waititi