It's_ok_not_to_be_ok

I haven't touched this blog for more than 2 years. It helped me so much back then and I guess I need it again. I haven't felt this low in a very long time, it just constantly feels like I have this dark cloud over me, my head is scrambled and I just can't shake it. I try and get through it by doing something I need, taking some time out and I try to shut off. It sort of works but then it all comes flooding back again. The anxiety about everything and nothing, the constant tiredness, the heart palpitations, trying to motivate myself but I just can't. I can't even tell you what got me here. There's so much going off it could be but I can't pin point it. I just feel like my head is a blur, I'm just drifting by and getting washed over. Hopefully if I keep taking some time out I might just get through it. I need to get through it.

This week I've had a week off routine and regular life. It was just what I needed! Spent so much of my week catching up with friends, making memories with my boy, but most of all...plenty of lazy mornings and chilling in pjs! Sometimes it's good to just spend the time doing not a lot. 💚

So in December I decided to come off Facebook. Social media has a way of getting inside your head, influences your feelings, emotions and just you as a person. I just didn't feel in a place where I could cope with that back then. I wanted to spend time with my family, make memories and not suck myself into that. I did just that and I felt quite refreshed stepping away. Nothing in particular upset me directly, but just reading certain angry posts I'd flicked past, the level of hate for some peoples opinions and thoughts...it really got to me. So I think I did the right thing back then, I deleted my Facebook app and de-activated my account for a month. I was strong enough back then to do just that...step away from a situation that made my head hurt. For some people, clearly it isn't the case. I guess it's taken what's happened recently for me to set up this blog and share my thoughts and experience with others...even if it might help 1 person and make them feel like 'they're not alone' in how they're feeling then it's something I CAN do.