B+ Student, C- Person

i have a Persian agenda where i encourage every man i know to grow the longest and prettiest hair possible

personal agenda. Personal.

i’m speechless. there’s a guy for everything.

How do I explain Plato's allegory of the cave to my cat?

gato’s allegory of the fishtank

Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again

Maybe the cup needs a bit of time to rest and refill?

Maybe the cup needs to lock the fuck in???

I had a dream that I went to heaven and heaven had its own heaven-exclusive tv shows that were written and produced there in heaven and they showed me the most popular show in heaven and it was this really beautiful drama and, at the end of the episode, the credits said “Created by Mike Ehrmantraut” and they were like “oh yeah. fictional characters who die in earth media go to real heaven” and I’m like “sure but mike did some pretty fucked up stuff, wouldn’t he go to hell?” and they’re like “no, all the fucked up things he did were fictional. people only get judged for the real things they do and the only thing mike really did was bring joy to millions of viewers” and i think that’s beautiful

hey I wonder what happens if I put powdered milk into carbonated water

my cereal is loud and it's demanding to know why I would sin against both nature and god so thoughtlessly

...how does it taste?

bad

I have mastered the potion: Instant Spoiled Milk, therefore earning the rank of shittiest alchemist currently alive.

World Heritage Post

Lovely to see we have spaces where you can gain access to so much literature!

accidentally spilled everything thats ever existed on the floor

you used to call me on my hands-free talking glove

I’m just wondering how they can possibly market this as hands-free

you won't believe the weather we've been getting [remembers to avoid giving away my location] the sky was turned to darkness and the moon to blood, and the stars fell from the heavens.

tomorrow when i get to work i think im gonna develop powers