plastic hearts are bleeding

y’all know sirius and his story so tbh i’m just going to lay out some headcanons about my sirius just so everyone gets the picture

he is literally the dumbest smart person you will ever meet. aka he could make a potion perfectly but then would think it’s funny to stick his hand in it to see what happens

ngl he became a such a prankster because he was bored with school. everything was too easy for him so he needed to do something with his brain and obviously coming up with stupidly extravagant pranks was the only answer

he knows lots of random shit??? he’ll come up with random facts all the time and reveal secret talents that no one even knew he had. he just absorbs information and learns to do so many things because he needs to be constantly occupied

is 10000000000000% a night owl. he considered becoming nocturnal until he realised he’d miss out on all the food during the day. disturbing him in the morning is probs a big mistake because he’ll grumble until he’s consumed his body weight in coffee

grew his hair long because he wanted to be a mermaid

pansexual affffffffffff. will literally flirt with anything that moves. and yes, the rumour that he once asked out the giant squid was not untrue. nor was the one where he asked out dumbledore. and mcgonagall fifty times.

he’s not actually as much of a whore as everyone seems to think he is, it’s just that when he DOES get laid he’s very loud about it just so everybody knows

100% encourages the rumours that he’s dating all the marauders just because he thinks it’s funny ( also because there’s one in particular he would very happily date but is too dumb too actually admit it )

he doesn’t actually hate his family but he doesn’t agree with their views at all and thinks they’re all twats. he half resents himself for not trying harder to be in their good books but he knows he’s better off without them

when he’s sad he usually transforms into a dog and sits by a fireplace or something to nap for a while

he loves muggle things just out of spite of his parents??? it used to be an act but tbh the more he immersed himself in muggle culture the more he realised how much he liked it so now the only music he listens to is muggle bands and he spends a lot of time in muggle london

his motorbike is his baby and he bought it because he thinks he looks cool riding it when he probably looks like a twat

LOOOOOOOOOOOVES QUIDDITCH. he isn’t actually very good at it ( as it’s the only thing he can’t do ) so he wasn’t on the gryffindor team but he was the biggest cheerleader ever and always went all out at the matches and screamed james’ name and wrote chants which he encouraged everyone to sing

he acts like the war is a game which probably pisses everyone off but really it’s just a defence mechanism to hide how scared he is. he’s probably been kicked out of 689789 order meetings for messing about and not taking them siriusly seriously